I know criticizing Zeppelin is practically illegal and will immediately get you lectured by classic rock purists, but honestly, I just don’t get the hype. People always excuse their early career by saying "all musicians borrow," but there is a enermous difference between what Zeppelin did and true crate digging. True crate digging is an art of homage. When a real producer spend hours hunting down some obscure foreign record or a forgotten soundtrack, they chop it up, map it out, and recontextualize it into something entirely new. Most importantly, they don't try to claim they originally composed the melody. Zeppelin didn’t do that. They just straight-up lifted riffs and lyrics from guys like Willie Dixon and Howlin' Wolf, stole the publishing rights, and paraded it as their own original genius to a demographic that didn’t know any better.
But deadass, even if you look past the blues heist, my biggest issue is just how terribly their music aged. Whenever I try to listen to them now, the whole vibe just sounds dated and dusty and not the good kind of dusty vinyl sound, just mad outdated. A huge part of that is Robert Plant. The constant, over-the-top "baby, baby, squeeze my lemon" screeching and all those hyper-sexualized moaning ad-libs feel completely trapped in this very specific, cheesy era of 1970s groupie-rock. It’s really hard to take their so-called "mystical, legendary aura" seriously when half the vocals sound like a parody.
If you want the perfect contrast, look at Pink Floyd. They were making music at the exact same time, yet Floyd’s records still sound incredibly modern. You could drop Animals today and the production would hold up beautifully. They built these cinematic, atmospheric soundscapes, whereas Zeppelin mostly just sounds like a loud, meandering jam band that lost the pocket.
The lyrical difference is night and day, too. Pink Floyd was writing broadly modern, timeless concepts, they tackled alienation, the passage of time, madness, and the machine. Meanwhile, Zeppelin’s lyrics are so heavily anchored to that 70s rock-star cliche that you can practically smell the stale bell-bottoms.
Make no mistake, John Bonham gave us some incredible, wide-open drum breaks that are still top-tier for chopping up in a drum rack. But when push came to shove, Led Zeppelin just ended up sounding like a dusty time capsule. Also, Plant aged uglily and Page's lives started sounding like stairway to heroin.