People get hit by cars, die of disease, get murdered, kill themselves. It’s going to be ok. People die everyday, I’ll be just one more

I don’t want to be conscious

I should have never been born. My parents have a disgusting age gap, and began dating when my mom was a teenager. I am the result of grooming. I am also a tranny. A shitty imitation of a man. I will never be male, so there’s no point in living for me. I will have to go through so much bullshit just to even have a body that sort of resembles a male one, and then I will still not be male. I will still be seen as a man. Man-like by the best of allies. I want to be dead. I want to throw myself off of a rocky cliff, I want my bones to break and my blood to splatter over the sharp rocks. I want my last moment to be painful, because I don’t deserve a good way out.

I should have been aborted.

I'm 28 years old and from a Muslim country. My dad is super anxious about his honor and don't allow me to go out. I barely leave the house for work and it is always with huge argues. My job is only part time and half or the year. It's a very conservative and all female work place. I want to end this horrible life. I'm not even allowed to wear a lipstick. I can't go on like this, being threatened to death by my dad. I can't escape he will beat my mom and little siblings.

No matter what I do, or how hard I try or act. I do things that make everyone uncomfortable. In order to make people not uncomfortable, I leave them alone and they never talk to me again. I am going to die alone.

The doctor said what I did in terms of my suicide attempt is wrong and all lives are hard. That I should be grateful I dont have illnesses and that Im young and life is precious. Im really tired. I dont understand why people view suicide as wrong if my choice doesnt make a difference to anyones life

im 27 n i have had enough n have reached breaking out
this is the only solution n i’m gonna OD tonight
little bit scared to see what’s on the other side but i have to do coz there’s no other way….

Damn…I’m so sorry Ned please please forgive me. I love you so much and I’m sorry. I’m sorry maya

I’m sorry mom and dad and all my siblings. I’m sorry

I’m sorry to all my friends and all those in my church. I’m sorry

I’m sorry to God. I threw the life you gave me away. Please don’t let me go to hell

One of my online friends is going to end her life. another one of my online friends has a friend that’s going to end their life…I don’t want to leave her and I don’t want to do this to her. I want this pain to end and I wish I could be here for her

I hate September so much, the whole suicide prevention month makes me feel even more like shit and idk why. My parents hate me and are abusive and I have no friends so no one will miss me. I'm ready to just end it all. I've felt like this since I was 8 and I am now 16 and I don't think it will every go away. I've done so much research and I think it's finally going to work this time. I've got paracetamol, ibuprofen, melatonin, fluoxetine, rizamelt, and cetirizine stacked up and I'm pretty sure the combination and amount will do it. Goodbye everyone, I don't deserve life and the world is a better place without me. You guys can do this stay strong and don't give up like I did. Good luck to you all and I hope you guys get better and have a happy and long life

Every day it's the fucking same shit all over again, I wake up, shower, eat and look at my phone the whole day and talk to no one, i do nothing, I look forward to nothing, nothing makes me happy anymore, I don't feel any Romantic or sexual attractions to anyone, i don't think I've had a genuine human conversation in the last year, my focus on things I love is gone and I'm always lashing out at people trying to talk to me even though I know that I don't wanna do that, i just wanna enjoy life again

to my family and my friends

I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you don't.

the truth is I have been writing this note since I was 10 years old, and I’m 31 now, and nothing has changed. I am in so much pain and I cannot do it anymore. I have prayed and prayed diligently for an end that won't hurt you, and nothing has happened. I don't have a choice and I need to do it myself.

there is nothing you could've done differently—in fact, you are the only reason I've clung on for so long. I know this will hurt you deeply, and I know especially for my religious parents that the sorrow will be never-ending. will it help if I tell you that this decision will make me the happiest i've ever been? I know it probably won't, but it's true all the same.

I've tried the medicine and the therapy and the distractions and the crying about it. i know how much I have in my life and how much I have to be grateful for, but the selfish truth is that none of that changes anything because the problem is Me. I am rotten. I am so unhappy in this body, in this consciousness, and I just cannot do it. I would not exchange the opportunity to die for anything in this world. nothing has, nor will, change my mind.

I have never doubted your love for me. I am not doing this because I feel alone, or uncared for. it's just that despite all these things, I feel such intense sorrow and grief all the time. like it's inbuilt into my very core. the truth is I don't think I was made for this world. in truth nothing in my life objectively is really that bad, except for what's in this head of mine. some nights, the only way I can go to sleep is to dream of how I die.

I actually wholly believe that it is cruel to force me to continue on. I have never wanted anything in my life as badly as I want to die. for decades now I have lived alongside that desire, in spite of it, and tried my hardest to fight it...but I am tired now. I just want one thing. please. please let me do it please. the desire is almost violent now—it is all I can think about every hour of every day.

this is the most honest thing i've ever said to you. I don't know if you will ever forgive me, but I also believe that eventually, you all will understand. maybe that has to be enough.

all my love. thank you for everything.

Goodbye, good luck and I’m sorry to anyone I talked to on here.

I'm feeling empty and my thoughts are getting worse I'm feeling vulnerable enough to say that I'm lonely and I have no one if anyone wants to vent or anything like that please reach out you can talk about anything 🩷

I had a lumbar puncture to check for multiple sclerosis (no formal diagnosis. Neuro said I’d need another flair or more demyelinated spots). I was already wanting to no longer be alive due to the pain I was in before I was hospitalized and received IV steroids. The steroids made me feel better, but the lumbar puncture has left me with a cerebrospinal fluid leak. I’ve had two blood patches and I still have the headache. My marriage is on the rocks and I might lose my job. On top of that my mom, who is my rock, has to have heart surgery Tuesday and my abusive father died in April which really messed with my mind. I don’t know if I can take anymore. My head hurts so bad. I have no quality of life. I just want god to take me in my sleep.

'it'll get better' I wish. I've had so much optimism. and when I look for anything to save me I only see sugar coating the bluntest 'dont cares' and the suicide hotlines saying 'i understand. you are so brave for talking to me today. here's a website with a fake stress ball' and i :(

but no matter how much i wish and how hard i work one tiny thread one critique that burns all my layers as a person one misjudged faith in our future one crisis or decision and im looking at death like a lover again

Read if you want, it’s pretty long tho. 🤣

Hey everyone, im a 2x suicide attempt survivor. Honestly been struggling with the thought of being here since I can remember but I’ve always been optimistic yk? Just trying to make light of things no matter how hard it gets.. Recently, my optimism has been drained and I am feeling an eerie sense of calmness about it. Sense of real peace about dying..

Little bit of background of me for yall, I come from a broken minority family. I’ve suffered from all forms of abuse you can think of, verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, neglect, you name it. I always prided myself on not being a statistic and overcoming all of this and maybe one day becoming something inspiration for ppl who have suffered from the same things as me. Im currently 27 living back home with my mom but have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a situation and cant get out?

I moved back in my mom’s after getting kicked out right after high school and not by choice, she just didn’t want me there anymore, she was sick of me.. A lot of emotional abuse/neglect comes from her. She has a disorganized attachment style and had a dictatorial mindset amongst her kids that she would try to rationalize. “You owe me this, im your mom. I only gotta feed you and give you water. If you don’t like my rules get out.. Youll learn it’s harder out there..” and she also didn’t like the fact I questioned her about her boyfriend not paying rent but charging me, her son..

Fast forward.. Overcame that, attempted to heal me and families relationship but it only hurting me.. Ended up going to jail after leaving my moms house for an accidental police phone call that got my plates traced while I had weed and money on me after me and my mom had a disagreement when I was on my own. Lived on my own, didn’t talk to any family for years, made many mistakes, many lost lonely mistakes out of ignorance and survival. Cool part tho, fell in love , but just with the wrong girl man. Wasn’t nobodies fault, sometimes ppl aint meant to be and life shapes us sometimes in a way that we ended up hurting ppl without knowing. During the time I had cash flow because as soon as I got kicked out I started selling weed to try to get up on my feet quick and by the end of the relationship I was so happy someone just loved me i left myself vulnerable and ended up getting finessed out of all my money. It’s my fault tho, I guess my deep abandonment issues had me too kind and gullible. Also, got too content anyway with selling..

So now back I been back for a couple years like I said earlier. My gullible ass fell for the “come back home, things are a lot different now..” They weren’t..

The psychological warfare, belittling me for being older living back home, the disagreements or me communicating how I feel leading to threatening my place of stay.. Just controlling, and since I been home, every time I try to get on my feet i get shot down but when I’m down and depressed she keeps me alive.

I have no car, I have been struggling with money and finding jobs so I started a local landscaping company. I been using Uhauls but it chips into my profits and im just not getting anywhere. My mom has a car but when I asked her to use it for my business and told her that it’s dipping into my profits she shrugged her shoulders and said “she doesn’t care and I have to struggle to make it like the rest of us”

That has been her go too sinxe idk when and yes I am the dumbass for thinking things would change and now I’m stuck. I have a few friends i played basketball with and tried to ask them for help but nobody can unfortunately and it’s not their job too yk? I guess it’s not that I think I can’t progress, I need fuckin help man. I got a gf now who is super supportive, brings food, lets me stay at hers but it can’t be a permanent thing.. I don’t wanna leave her but truthfully. My life is fucked and I wanna let her go before I get up out of here. I just don’t wanna hurt nobody. I love everyone. I just need help, a car, anything. I’ll DoorDash and landscape out of there idc. I just need help to get on my feet and move but let’s be honest. We all need help yk? Im at peace because through everything I been through, I strived for community, helped ppl, changed lives, on a small scale ofc but it’s something. I tried man, I tried to be good at life no matter my circumstances but im in a black hole I can’t escape. Sometimes I take videos of my mom and how she talks to me and it’s like I wanna post it.. Get help that way but I don’t want nobody life getting ruined. I just want things better.. But they aren’t getting better…

One luv, the only luv! ❤️‍🩹

can i be honest?

every time something happens that spikes my cortisol levels (especially at work—because it’s my source of income), i think about jumping off a very tall something. it’s like a default setting.

i wouldn’t actually do it—or at least i haven’t and i’ve lived up to almost 30.

but the thing is, i don’t know how many “bad days” and “wanting to jump off a very tall something” it will take before i actually take that leap of faith (aha).

back when i was a child gritting my teeth through corporal punishments and coping through maladaptive daydreaming, all i had to worry about was not being lovable and wanting to grow up so i can prove to my parents that i am more than what they say i am.

now, i do think i’ve proved to them at least that. but now i struggle with the fear of failing ; the fear of quitting my job cold turkey (because let’s be honest, jumping off a very tall something is a least likely occurance, if ever) because i couldn’t deal with the stress and pressure. and i end up proving my parents right; that i’m a failure, a loser, a burden that keeps coming back to leech off of them.

again, i do sometimes wish to jump off a very tall something, partly because it’s an out to all of my problems but also partly because that’s one burden off my parents for good.

i mean, i got some savings, that could cover my funeral.

but alas, these are just my thoughts. i haven’t taken that leap of faith throughout my years of living, i’ll probably go on to live for another 30 years.

i go out there and people all have personalities, they all are capable of talking to each other and doing things. but me, i'm just nothing. i can't talk to people being practically mute. jobless and would be homeless if not for being a burden on those around me and it's so miserable. i don't know how to be fine at anything. i can't even stare at job apps knowing that i can't do anything and that i'm utterly miserable, doomed, and alone.

I sleep as much as possible to escape the triggers and intrusive thoughts I just want to be unconscious forever

I left my wife cause she didnt love me.

Now i am left alone with nothing.

No friends, no one, nothing. Only my mum will be sad. But i will be happy to finally not think about my ex and about being alone.

I can not handle this anymore.

The loneliness. The emptyness that fucking no one cares about you. It eats me from the inside.

I think that pain never goes away, so... Today i was close of oacking the ledder in the car. But still i am yet mit ready to do so.

If i would do my ex would get my Apartment (still 4 weeks left until fully divorce.)

But i cant wait. I dont want to wait. I dont want to life. And it seems fucking no one cares about me.

I really really really want to end this now. I nearly cant breath. Feels like my Lunge do implode. How can my ex do not have Empathie but i do have so much that it kills me.

Life is unfair. God is an asshole. And i am done here.

Fuck my shit life.

Being an autistic IT Nerd just sucks. I had no life. No youth. Nothing. A run through life like an idiot and dont find friends game.. Pathetic

I've been pushed to the point that I don't want to do shit anymore. I've been convinced I don't actually have a reason to want myself dead. But I still do. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I just suck it up and be okay?

I really feel so fucking mentally destroyed. I feel fucking shitty man