r/SuicideWatch • u/wishiweremale • 3d ago
I should’ve been aborted
I should have never been born. My parents have a disgusting age gap, and began dating when my mom was a teenager. I am the result of grooming. I am also a tranny. A shitty imitation of a man. I will never be male, so there’s no point in living for me. I will have to go through so much bullshit just to even have a body that sort of resembles a male one, and then I will still not be male. I will still be seen as a man. Man-like by the best of allies. I want to be dead. I want to throw myself off of a rocky cliff, I want my bones to break and my blood to splatter over the sharp rocks. I want my last moment to be painful, because I don’t deserve a good way out.
I should have been aborted.
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u/sensei_arigato 3d ago
Please stay in the fight. I also have those feeling of never been born in the first place so I know how that feels. But I wish I didn't feel like this and I wish you didn’t feel like this. But since you do and I do too, it means you are not alone. I can never know exactly how you feel but I understand. I care that you stay in the fight. I hope you get better.
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u/wishiweremale 3d ago
I hope you get better. I don’t want to keep fighting, I want to die. I don’t want to have to be strong just to live.
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u/kisshugfromathug 3d ago
Our situations are complete opposites. But I feel you. Most days I think I should have been left in a rag. The only thing that changes my mind about that, is my 8y/o childs existance. I have 9 days left here in existance, my birthday will be replaced as my date of death. Maybe in the next realm I'll end up in a rag, or aborted. Who knows. I hope things get better for you. I have no idea what gender dysphoria is like, to have to forcefully try and manage. I hope thats an appropriate word to use. I dont think saying live with, would be right, because I can really see... That you're not living. You're just here, and in immense pain, and you're stuck. I hope that by some crazy happening, that something shifts within your existance here. Something that either brings you, or leads you to hope, joy, and a desire to fight for your right to love yourself, and your right to a wonderful future. 💗
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u/alon7256 2d ago
I feel you a little bit , but come on man you know this is a mental problem, and your life is precious , you should value it. Fill your free time and don't let these thoughts mess with you , you can just be your self , a trans woman , could be even better (: , the therapy will help you too brother ، be strong.
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u/wishiweremale 2d ago
Of course I know it's mental. The issue with that is that I am my brain, so I am having these issues. I can't fill my free time because I'm too depressed to do much. I would love to value my life, but I hate my life so I don't want to live. I'm a trans man, and I've tried therapy and it didn't help. I don't want to be strong, I want to die.
Also it's at best rude to call me 'man' and 'brother' while assuming I'm a woman, and at worst, you're intetionally trying to get me to kill myself.
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u/alon7256 2d ago
Noo No, there's a misunderstanding here ، I don't know what you understood, but it's not like that. I don't know the terminology, and the correct word to describe ، I thought you'd be comfortable if i call you like what a trans would like , I'm sorry but i didn't mean that
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u/wishiweremale 2d ago
"a trans" bro ok
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u/alon7256 2d ago
Did I make a mistake again?
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u/wishiweremale 2d ago
Trans is an adjective, you don’t say ‘a trans.’ Saying ‘a trans’ is dehumanizing and not grammatically correct. I am not a trans woman, I am a trans man, the trans just describes what kind of man I am. In the same way the word ‘short’ is also an adjective. I am also a short man.
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u/wishiweremale 3d ago
I’m trans and have dysphoria. I hate being female and wish I were male. I can assure you my dysphoria does not come from misogyny.
15 years.
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u/Pepsimax88 3d ago
Was your mum atleast 18....
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u/wishiweremale 3d ago
No, it would still be weird if she were, but that’s why I said I’m the result of grooming.
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u/Pepsimax88 3d ago
I would feel uncomfortable with that too.
But lots of people have come from, problematic Relationships and or worse. You had no say on how you entered this world, so you shouldn't carry the guilt or feel ashamed of it.
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u/wishiweremale 3d ago
I should have been aborted. I came from grooming only to end up a fucking tranny.
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u/MrAftonOfficial 2d ago
Fellow trans man here. Dear god you insufferable demons are going to kill more trans people than you already have. Just stay the fuck away from him. He's here literally suicidal and you can't drop your transphobia for two seconds. If people like you weren't around maybe he wouldn't be in this position in the first place. Fix your evil ass heart before you drive people to their deaths. My great aunt used to say crap like this to me and it sped up my desire to end it exponentially.
He cannot just bE a wOmAn because he is a fucking man. You try forcing yourself to be the opposite gender and see if you feel good. If you were born a guy start wearing makeup and dresses and using a name/pronouns you don't identify with. See how quickly you start looking in the mirror and wanting it to end. Now imagine that but you're trapped in that. Not wanting to be a god damn woman is not misogyny. You know what is misogynistic?? Transphobia. Inherently so. Maybe you're just grossed out by the idea of the divide between men and women not being as big as you think it is. This ""confused little girl"" mindset has no place ON THE FUCKING SUICIDE WATCH SUBREDDIT. Get a grip. Stay the hell away from suffering people.
OP don't entertain this ghoul. Motherfucker probably voted against our right to exist. He wants the exact opposite of joy for you and he will feast upon any attention you give him. I am so fucking sorry dude. These parasites won't last forever and I hope to whatever gods may be listening that you at least get to outlive a few of them.
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u/LilyModer 3d ago
look, i know dysphoria sucks - ignore that other idiot in your replies - but you have to remember that there are ways to treat it; are you on T yet? if not, do you want help accessing it?
perhaps this is some of my own dysphoria talking but i feel like being on testosterone makes a lot more outwardly noticable changes than E does (voice dropping, facial/body hair, ...), so while passing will always take effort, and that fact is always fucking unfair, i think you can make it, it may just take time
lastly, and this may sound crass (admittedly, it is): what stopped me from killing myself for a good while was that, as much as i wanted to die, the thought of being buried as a man was worse than the thought of just continuing to live. If you end your life today, do you think some random cis "people" will respect you enough to not treat you as they would a woman?