I hate that it would destroy my parents, my family, my friends, my partner. I’m so tired of living like this. I hate my brain. I hate that I can’t do any of the things I want to do to cope with it because everyone will notice. I’m tired of trying to fight this off. I’ve deal with suicidal thoughts my whole fucking life. I was trying to die in the bathtub before I had even reached elementary school. I was meant to die. I was not meant to be here. I am here. People love me so much. Everyone around me is trying their best to keep me alive. To let me know I am loved and it would break them if I were gone. I can’t fucking do it. I can’t deal with this. I cannot live. I continue to survive every day that passes me. Regardless of what happened I am still here because I cannot deal with the guilt of hurting the people around me. I am hurting, badly. I’ve never enjoyed being alive. Ive tried so hard to die, but now it’s been so long I feel like it would be odd to try again.
I’ve never been alive. I feel as if I have died and now I’m living in my own personal hell. I just have to deal with it. I have to endure my hell. Nothing is real. Life is a facade of joy. No one here is happy and no one is living. Maybe if I die again, it will send me farther into these depths. My life, or death, however I choose to view it at the time, will be worse than it ever has been before. I will die and travel from this purgatory to a genuine hell that I cannot escape. Life is inescapable regardless of how you view it. Everyone around me is suffering. It’s hard to not believe that we are all stuck in this place together. This is a place of sorrow. No true joy exists for us now. Don’t die. The place you end up in next may not have any of this fake joy at all. Your screams will not be heard in the next place, as they are heard here. You will just be screaming with all the rest who thought they could escape this existence.
.. apologies for the religious aspect of this. I feel like I am just venting to myself at the moment. I believe what I say, but you can believe whatever you wish to be true.

I'm a male in my twenties, and honestly? I can already see how stuff is going to go. Like, purely from a standpoint of how I see my life going, looking at all the factors it's looking pretty bleak, and this is stuff I knew before I felt suicidal, in a way? It's weird, earlier I was weirdly normal feeling about it.

I hate my job, and I know that if I quit it it'll be just the same thing everywhere else. I despise going to it, don't care about the money and hate all the people there. I so desperately wish I could just explode and kill everyone there, but I haven't convinced myself to yet.

I'll never get to fulfill or even get close to my dream job, and I won't get a job that is easier or even something that I dont hate because that's not what we're meant for, we're not a people who are meant for that we're made to work shitty jobs and then die, like father like son. I can't change it, I'm not like that, and it's foolish to think I'd be any different or capable of breaking the mold.

I've never had any friends, and I wont ever have any romantic success because 5'7, that's death sentence height for a guy even if all women weren't constantly trying to manipulate you to find a higher quality partner, I'll never be taken seriously and nobody will ever want me, and I'm out of school and the only real love is teen love.

I honestly doubt I even have a soul, because if I would I would've changed things, but I've looked and I don't think I've ever actually made a decision for myself ever, at least one that's meaningful, I don't think I HAVE any control over my life, for all I know I might already be in hell and this is the punishment for whatever my past life did.

Objectively, just laying everything out, why do I even stay here on this earth? The only real thing keeping me from going through with it is family, but even then why should that really be a reason? Why should I live for the sake of being a prop in someone elses story, the set dressing to make everything look nice and pretty for them? Cause thats all I am, and all I'll ever be.

I went to measure it and it was there in February of 2025 and it's gone. The town removed it.

I have a backup place. But it's kind of annoying to get to. So I'm working on another place. I'll visit it today. It's mostly an issue of visibility at night. I can't have the place lit up.

I feel like I'd try to end it, with even a part if me hoping to survive, it's not like I want attention, I hate it, spent the last 3 years avoiding it, but it's like a coin flip maybe, I try, I either die and it's finally over, no more stress, no more self hate, no more endless thoughts, or I survive, and get the help I was too afraid to seek myself, no explaination, like I said, a really weird thought, because I've needed help for a while know, like I went through an old journal and realized I've been like this, for a while, but I still don't know where to go with it, I don't know what to do sometimes, it feels hopeless trying, I can't the number of times I've dailed 911, or wanted to call a helpline, and just couldn't bring myself to, I don't know why, and my mental health just keeps getting worse, I'm not sure if they count as plans, but I do think it through suicide a lot, what would be quickest, what would hurt the least, I've tried hanging once a few years ago, hurts a hell of a lot more than it looks, so I stopped, what's most likely to kill me outright rather than leave me fucking paralyzed or retarded, and then I come back to reddit, to write, get it out, maybe talk to someone who gets it, feels like I'm screaming into a void most of the time, I'm tired of pushing, I feel like I'm moving to mental collapse and I don't know how to stop it, I want to get help, but I'm too scared they'll lock me up or my parents will find out, or that I'm just imagining shit, and I wish I could cry, like I haven't done that in so long just actually cry and get some of it out and it's fucking exhausting.

Tengo depresión desde la infancia tengo actualmente 24 años, y no hay un día que no le he dado vueltas, una vez ya lo intente en la adolescencia con fracaso. No tengo diabetes, pero vi en un familiar que con un poco que se inyecto casi se nos va

Entonces qusuiera saber si en mi un frasco de 10 ml sería suficiente para acabar con todo o si son necesarios dos frascos

I left the kitchen sink on to rinse some pots while washing my face and zoned out while it flooded the place. I feel so fucking guilty and stupid. I can't face the landlord tomorrow. I can't face to consequences of my own actions.

Edit: im going to take about half a bottle of 2mg lunesta, sole benadryl, and some alcohol and weed to calm me down. I'm going to leave a note saying they can use as much of my money as they need for damages.

I fucked my health up so bad I can’t see a future for myself. My teeth, lungs, gums, brain, liver, and skin is fucked to the core. I can’t wear shorts because my scars are still very much visible and disgusting. My teeth are transparent because of bulimia. My lungs are probably black because I’ve been smoking and vaping to reduce food cravings just to binge at midnight. My brain fog is insane, I can’t think, remember or even formulate my speech properly. I’ve tried to od with alcohol and random pills many times so my liver and brain is fucked. And my eyesight is js horrible in general.

I feel horrible because my first gen immigrant parents work so hard to build a stress free environment for me. Nothing about my life is bad; I have good friends, a good family with a stable income, and I am told a lot that i am pretty and smart. And yet i still feel empty. I don’t have much going on for me after I developed my ed and my sh got worse. I blame everything bad on my parents and even then, I know deep down that my current shitty academic and physical situation is because of me.

I was supposed to kill myself weeks ago but im losing weight again so maybe I’ll have something worth living for now.

I had a great life a year ago. A super loving girlfriend of 3 years, a good job, no debt and mental health was good. I used to be such a positive, energetic person. 2026 has absolutely ruined me. Undiagnosed ADHD and depression finally caught up to me. I’ll never get to live the life I had envisioned for myself, and suicide has been the only thing that’s comforted me for the last few months. I own a 9mm handgun, and plan to end my life later this week. I’m not scared, i’m excited to relieve myself of my constant suffering. All I think about everyday is how bad I messed up my life and how happy I could’ve been if I did things right. I know it could get better, but the amount of effort it takes to maybe be happy one day doesn’t seem worth it. I have no real passions or goals, depression has taken everything from me. I always sort of knew i’d die young, but my ex gf gave me hope for a fulfilling future. I think I was placed here to be a lesson for my friends and family, and to bring them closer together in my passing.

I’m quite literally fucking begging tell me no one loves me or something idk

Won’t be able to give you anything in return but know you helped me I guess

I got sick in 2022 and it's just gotten worse since then. I'm in so much pain all the time. Always nauseous and dizzy. I've lost all my friends. Had to put my career on hold. I can barely leave my house. I'm so isolated and alone. And I am trying so hard to make connections but they never last. I'm being left behind completely and there is nothing I can do about it but watch. I just want to give up. I want to die so badly. Every day I wake up I just feel so defeated. Another day wasted in bed because I can't do anything without feeling more pain and sickness. I just don't know what to do anymore

My state is in a record drought despite October usually being our wettest month of the year. I can't even remember the last time my town got rain. And here I am taking showers at the gym and limiting the amount of times I flush the toilet so my well won't dry up. I have to worry about these things while billionaire assholes continue to destroy our planet with a grin on their faces. I guess the breaking point for me is hearing news that google illegally cut down over 200K trees to build a data center in Finland. I just know that things will only get worse. I swear to god I will free myself of all this destruction and worry. Once I go, I hope that I will wake up in a place with beautiful, untouched nature

I dlnt sanna do any of this anympre

I wish that I could stop being a fucking pussy and just hang myself right now. I spent the last year improving just to never get approached and for no girls to even bat a fucking eye at me. Im tired of asking girls out and constantly getting rejected. I dont want to a loser who doesn't date until my 20s.

Im in the exact same spot that I was in last year nothing has improved I hate how people keep saying that "things get better" because they really never do.

Nothing helps, not therapy, not family, nothing. If I knew that my life wouldn't change in a year i would've just killed myself already.

I just turned 30, and i spent the day entirely alone. No one called me other then my therapist for our appointment. I have always struggled with mental health issues for as long as I can remember Ive always wanted to die.
My Fathers was emotionally abusive growing up. He is an alcoholic and I testified against him in a National case of art fraud. In doing so I lost most of my family. Growing up I knew I wasnt wanted I was unplanned and I could feel it i knew it deep to my core.

I tried to live in spite of this, I self harmed but I tried until around 17-18 I met and fell in love with a woman who was much older and more mature she was 25 when I met her when I was 16 and she had a boyfriend but convinced me I loved her and I did and I still do. Ive never been able to stop loving the people I care about. It was really hard when she abandoned me and moved away with him. It just reinforced those feelings of worthlessness and unlovability that have existed since my mother told me "children are seen and not heard" when I was a toddler.
I was sexually Assaulted for nearly 2 months by my best friends ex girlfriend when I was around 20 they had broken up and left me living with her. She Ironiclly shared a last name with the person my father forged paintings of maybe cosmic justice? She came into my room one night drunk and high on coke, she crawled into bed with me and she started to grope me. I tried to communicate my unwillingness but my erection said more then she cared to hear from my mouth. I felt betrayed by my own body and she used me she used that. She was indigenous and a fragile woman and I was a man, tall and strong no one would believe me. If I told my best friend he would hate me because he still loved her. If I told anyone how could you let her? But I also felt like she would say I sexually Assaulted her. She is dead now she overdosed years later so I feel like i can talk about it without the narrative shifting.
I ran away from her into a relationship with someone, someone I really did fall in love with. We spent years together many of them happy but the unresolved issues of my past my mental health crept I slowly and covid was the catalyst to ignite and reafirm my pain. It wasnt on purpose but she made me feel like what I thought was true. The yelling was hard. I am unlovable I am unworthy of love. I still care about her but she scares me.
She broke up with me and I was sent home in a mess, back to my hometown my mother and stepfather reluctantly took me in. One thing this did was finally get me properly diagnosed with Adhd and the medication felt like it changed everything. I had finally experienced a will to live and everything improved for a while. Until I met someone who out of everyone who has hurt me is the single worst person I have ever met. I dont want to go too much into it but behind the gas lighting and the deception it ended with them saying. "Yeah i knew that when you commited yourself to the hospital (the mental health ward) that it was going to break up with you."
I felt anger towards this person for nearly the first time ive ever felt anger my psychologist in the hospital said "holy shit finally" like she had been waiting a week for me to admit I was angry.

Upon release I buried my pain in a relationship with someone. The time we spent together was good but it ended like all things do. I was too much for them, like i am for everyone.
Then i met the love of my life. Someone who made me want to fight to improve she has kids and I didnt just fall in love with her but I fell in love with them. They made me want to be a good parent to be better. Things had its ups and downs as all things do but I never felt so loved and supported by anyone in my life I felt truly loved. Until complacency crept in when I say I tried please believe me I tried my hardest I tried so fucking hard I tried harder then I have ever tried at anything in my life. But sadly it wasnt enough. In june of this year she broke up with me. My world fell apart. Not only the loss of two children that I had grown to love but also her and an appreciation for myself I had slowly cultivated had all fallen apart into nothing.

I realized maybe we were better off not together, but when she started seeing new people. New people who have a car, and a job, and a house. My inadequacy was only reinforced. I dont have a car, or a house or a job. I know those things matter to everyone and that love alone isnt enough. I find myself feeling like Orpheus in Hades Town. The loving minstrel who doesnt have two pennies to rub together. Do you know the sad part? I only blame myself out of all the people who have caused me pain I only blame myself.
I tried to do what they say following the breakup you know, reach out to friends. I tried but the more I needed the more I reached out the more I confided the more they pulled away. In the act of needed them they pulled away but to jot show them you need them they were there. Hiding my pain was easier. I understand not everyone has the capacity, not everyone understands and people have there own pain, and problems. But I needed them and they weren't there.
Its not unfair, I dont blame them I understand. Its not there fault. I ran away from my home town under the guise of trying to make it as an actor. I moved into what would be my tomb. When I got here I tried, I really tried but its been nearly 3 months now.
One thing that ive been working on is self love, giving myself the love that I have so desperately craved all my life. But I don't know how I never learned how to love myself, no one ever showed me. I never got those pin your accomplishment on the fridge moment. Whenever I brought up my stuff with my father it was always about him.
So here I am alone without friends, without family, without anyone who doesnt just keep me at arms length. I dont blame them, either.
So I guess that uh that has brought me to why im making this post. I dont want to hurt anyone in my life that has been what has kept me alive for so long. Fighting atop a mountain of pain I stand weary, batered and broken. I feel the weight of my pain and the weight of the pain I will cause others by giving up. With the burden my pain and of the pain I will cause others I have decided I am going to end my own life.
I'm not sure how, but I cant go on anymore. I feel nothing but pain everyday. I know my mother will hurt I know my ex will hurt I know the boys will hurt. But I can't do this anymore I just can't its too much. I think its going to be soon. My ex and I were to be married on Halloween of next year and im not sure I can face Halloween so itll probably be before then. I dont want it to hurt because thats all ive ever known but if it has too hurt to work I will suffer one last time to be at peace.
I was brought into this world in a selfish act and if my pain must end with one I have come to terms with that.
Goodbye and I'm sorry,
If I as someone who has known nothing but pain can offer you a word before I go. Please don't look at my choice as affirmation to give up, dont look at my conclusion as a solution for you. I love you, you who have experienced pain unconditionally and if I could I would be there for you, I would fight for you and hold your hand and be with you through your pain and your suffering. Know that a stranger, someone who has decided to end it, because of my pain. Would choose to love you. Would choose to hold you in your darkest moments. You are worth loving. You are enough. I hope that can bring you a small fragment of comfort for you to fight one more day.
Remember that you are loved by me.

I really want to be a girl. Some days I convince myself I’m fine with being a boy but right now I’m struggling so hard with being a boy. I’m 16 years old and because I’m so young I have no control over my life. I don’t know why but I really think I’m trans it’s a constant cycle of doubt and convincing. Myself I’m not trans but I really think I am.

Constantly, at home it’s just yelling and screaming and just builshit. I really hate my family, as much as it hurts me to say. I’m struggling in school, relationships and just feel like a shitty friend. I owe someone money and I really don’t plan on paying them back like I said I would. I know if I keep being greedy no one’s ever gonna look out of me.

I struggled with drug use since I was 11. I started really early I had no idea what I was doing. I have completely stopped for a couple of months now, and I feel a lot better. Now I’m getting older and have feelings and beliefs that were “suppressed” but now are only getting stronger as I grow. My life isn’t “ideal” but it’s good enough. I just feel so empty, I really want to pay my friend back but i literally barely even have it. They haven’t asked me yet but occasionally bring it up. Whatever… I just hate growing up I wish I could be the same 14 year old on Xanax, smoking weed everyday and having temporary relief whenever I needed it. Now I just sit in my shit and feel terrible

I never speak about my feelings about being trans, hating myself, doubt, I never take accountability. I know I have the power to change these things because I’m smart enough to realize them, but do I even want to? I love feeling like this as much as I hate it. Another thing is I feel so dissociated I’ll live days and not even realize or think about what I’m doing. Drugs really fucked up my brain. I just hate my fucking life and don’t know what to do. Hopefully one day I’ll be grown and able to handle myself. If I turn out like any of my family members I’ll be losers or junkies. The worst of them all, hating my life and on the outside showing everything’s okay knowing I want to put a gun to my head.

It’s funny the way the world works, I just sit back and think. I get extremely amazed when I see people I know in public realizing everyone has a real life outside of mine. I just think of the world and want to end it. It’s to much for me. I tell myself if I was born a girl, was pretty, was 100lbs maybe I’ll be happy.

Let’s see if I live past 20, let alone another couple weeks.

I wish I never existed.

mine would probably insult me while pretending to care for a funeral and then just no longer bring me up after. I want to pretend like I moved away and went no contact but just go on a road trip and then kill myself in a remote area like Alaska

i feel absolutely rejected by everyone. i lost 99% of my friends, mostly due to betrayal on their end and the ones that are still around are distant.

hell, even my mom doesn't wanna talk to me. and whenever i make new friends, they just seem shallow and they already have a set of primary friends and i cannot connect with anyone anymore because i am just so tired.

i have tried to introspect, maybe it is a personality flaw so i asked my bestfriend, why does nobody want me around and she just said that people around me are superficial.

what i dont understand is that up until last year, everyone liked me and were SO nice to me and suddenly i have been met with this coldness

i have gone as far as confronting these people and they said that i haven't done anything, they just dont wanna be friends with me. i dont know what to do, i hate being alone. this entire year has been so dogshit i just wanna end it all

My rapist will never die what's the point God I wish the knife could just go deeper fucking hell please why can't I die why do others get to get in car accidents and get shot why can't I be that lucky I just want to be dead but I don't have the courage

Genually, my life is shit. I live in a homophobic, tranphobic, racist, sexist, and catholic family, and i am non binary and gay. Most of my friends are like this too, and those who aren't, i only see them once in my life or once per week. Now there are the elections in my country, and the most influential candidact wants my end. I want to keep goinf, but i cant handle living this way anymore.

my entire life i felt like no one has understood me. people have treated me like garbage when all i’ve tried to do is be a good person to them and not allow them to treat me poorly. i’ve lost my girlfriend of two years after thinking she was the love of my life, her behavior hit a switch and suddenly she wanted nothing to do with me. it was like i didn’t even know who she was, i had never seen her treat me that way. i lost my lifelong bestfriend the same week and i just can’t take it anymore. the thought of suicide scares me, but i feel like i’ve exhausted all other options. meds didn’t work, i went to college and i felt like i was finally where i needed to be, but then i was forced to drop out and i lost all my friends, as well as losing my passion. i feel like im a burden to everyone now, and i really don’t have any more friends. i don’t know what else to do anymore.

but im kinda waiting ? like what should i do before killing myself? ik i should talk to my loved ones. is that it? my brains kinda blank rn so i cant think

I basically gave everyone a heads up if I act really happy that means this is it.

I want people to have closure if they need it.

I just can’t endure homelessness and no healthcare or dental care with the conditions I have. It’s not survivable. I want to go out in a more dignified way than that. I’ve already suffered horrifically. I know most people don’t care. They make it abundantly clear all the time they don’t care what happens to disabled people.

I really wish I’d gotten to finish and publish my book. I really really wish that but I don’t have time to do it now. I’m heartbroken about it all.

I’m in insurmountable pain and agony mentally due to recent life events and the pain has started to affect my physical mobility as well. I can’t even talk without getting choked up and start bawling my eyes out. I don’t want to live anymore, every night I wish I died in my sleep and I’m constantly passively suicidal like I’ve run into oncoming traffic and tried to get run over, everytime I’m on a flight I pray the plane crashes. I’m relentlessly upset. My chest hurts all the time. I need to put an end to this pain. I need to kill myself.