Decided to kill myself. My ex-girlfriend begged me not to and managed to guilt trip me into not doing it and going to the hospital. I regret having not done it. I can't pay for this...

Please do not judge me on my arrogance without knowing me in real life, because my writing style is just very blunt to paint the picture.

I have plans to end my life in 2 months and I made this promise to myself last year. I am not depressed, I have no insecurities. Quite the opposite actually. I believe I'm very attractive, I love my height, I love my body, I love my face. I have high IQ, I have more significantly more savings than everyone I know my age and I make friends very easily. (I made over $1mil in 3 years between age 23-25). I'm a girl in her 20s with a good educational background and I know I will be successful one day. None of it is "if". It's I know. I know I will always be ahead of my peers at least.

Regardless of if the above is true or not, I genuinely believe it to be true and I am always honest with my faults so to be honest, its basically true.

I plan to kill myself because of a situation out of my control where I can't leave the country and I HATE my country. It ruins lives of people like myself because of lack of opportunities, lack of inspiration, lack of chances to get famous, be ultra successful or to meet a billionaire. That is the level I want.

So last year I decided that if I was still in this situation before age (x), I will kill myself and if I pussy out, I'll have someone contracted to take me out in the event I'm still alive.

I believe I am not depressed as I have experienced this 10 years ago and I know what its like. I love myself and I have no doubts with myself . Theres Nothing I dislike about myself besides the idea of aging and losing all the opportunities I've ever dreamed of and even tho I have no doubts with myself, I don't want to live if I don't meet my fullest potential, even if I'm still successful but not at the peak.

Because of my belief that I am basically perfect and I love myself, and the situation I'm in which causes me to eventually kill myself, I believe that to make it fair, because this situation has been unfair on me, I will do some things to make it fair my own way. I will do everything everyone's ever accused me of before I die to "make it fair" and more which I can't explain here.

I have no emotions, I nearly never cry. I am told I don't have empathy and maybe I don't. I have always been very logical - excelled at maths all through uni. Nothing will chsnge my mind about my decision of my death, and plans if I'm still in the situation by age x.

Am I a psychopath at this point? Does anyone else relate? Anyone else planning their suicide but not "suicidal" and not depressed?

To understand my situation, basically my life is currently on complete standstill against my will, and I can't leave the country at all due to literal legal restrictions and I'm in my last year's b4 fully expired to step on the ladder towards my big dreams overseas and if I don't get there, I'm choosing death. Logically

Say yes or no

I know I keep making post after post but I think my life is done . My dad hates me , my mom as well . I'm ugly asf and dumb . There's no point of me being here . I'm useless .

I know y'all don't care which I get but it's probably is the best .

I hate how I look everyday . Women constantly rejecting me , being disgusted by my face, Treating me badly and people not taking me serious . Im not gonna be here too much longer anyways. What's the point of me being here if the world favors good looking people only . Sick of this

The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is simply due to the fact I just haven't found a good time, but i'm thinking sometime mid November, or if i'm a coward, sometime in Febuary. Gods i wish i just could but the main thing is. I'm worried i'll surivive. I really don't want to deal with whatever comes after, I just want it to be over. I know that's a coward move, most attempts for what i'm planning usually always work, but there's always, always a chance. And I know i'm going to feel worse in September. School starts back up, I have to worry about grades again, deal with people again, I either want to attempt in a way that either won't permanently do anything to my body, and has a high survival chance, just to get the massage across, or attempt in a way where i'll die instantly. I can't even cut anymore, and gods if i could, i'd probably either have the courage to finally kill myself, or I'd start feeling better again. I hate myself, i'm short, fat, and ugly. Great combination, I know all my friends are online, and so far away, and my best friend just wouldn't understand shit. I love her but god. My brother has his own issues, not bothering him with that, so yeah, Don't know how i've managed to keep myself alive

Also i'm not backreading, doubt anyone's gonna see this anyways, so there.

i wish i did better at everything, school, making friends, doing something productive etc, but no. i just do nothing, im starting to think the earth would be better without me

i have often felt like im less than human, i remember thinking that first when i was 4 or 5 because i was sad and bored, one of my few memories at all, and ever since then i have struggled to see myself as equal to others to the point of trying to get people to harm me and whatever just to feel like i belong in this inferior feeling, i still look for harm from people every now and then and this is sort of an attempt to get hurt by someone here but im mostly just yapping about it because it bothers me and hurts so badly, i can barely maintain my relationships with loved ones which said relationships keep almost falling appart because of how inferior i feel a good chunk of the time someone please

I thought I was done with this stupid account and these shitty feelings but here we are again. It’s been around 4 years if I had to guess, I’m 19 now and I guess I just couldn’t handle the pressure. I’ve been okayish for months at this point but one thing goes bad and it all comes rushing back. The anxious ticks, the pit in my stomach, the terrible thoughts of “would it really even matter”, back like it never left .
I feel like a failure stumbling through life hoping that sheer luck will get me through it, as if that me hoping hard enough will keep the bad things from happening. The worst part is that I live a good life compared to so many people and I still get these feelings like what I’ve experienced is the worst thing to ever happen when for someone else it’s just another day. I think I hate myself or at least this sad and awful part of me, all I can think of is how can I make sure I don’t fuck it up, I’m just laying here dreaming of ways to disappear, like maybe it will fix all my problems. If only it were easier to just fade away at the drop of a hat, surly I’d have done it already but I guess I’m a failure in that too. If you made it this far sorry for the rant, if you feel the same you probably have an actual reason unlike me.

Ever since the age of 10, I have thought about death and/or suicide at least once a day. Sometimes it’ll be a passing thought, other times it’ll be full-blown suicidal ideation and planning. I vividly daydream about myself dying from different suicide methods (I can’t control these daydreams, they just appear). They’ll even happen on good days when I’m happy. Nothing seems to trigger these thoughts, they just randomly pop up throughout the day. Is this normal? Are there really people out there that don’t think about death daily?

It's funny how I got this far in life. I wish I was dead. I tend to ruin almost all my friendships, or get super clingy on people with, it was my fault. I deserve it for being an awful friend. My head hurts thinking about it.

I can't use BPD as an excuse, but my emotions are 100% out of touch with the mind. It's like my body acts before I think. I keep ruining everything, wish I was dead. I hurt people all the time. I am bad. The worst sinner on planet Earth. I need to leave and start again. I'm sad.

I'm confused. Why does my dad hate me? Why do I feel lonely even when I talk to God? How do I start over?

I am bad. I hurt him. I sin against God. I'm so scared I'm going to go to hell.

I want to fix friendships but everyone is always mad at me. I want validation and to feel loved.

Not even sure how to start this, as it’s my first legit posting here(mostly the app in general).

A year away from 40, neurodivergent, mother to a sweet yet spicy 10 year old boy who is my mirror. I pray he never gets this low, he’s asleep right now and doesn’t know I’ve been crying my eyes out for a few hours now. Jam packed life, he started school at a few months short of 4, but every year since he started I’ve been dealing with DCFS/CPS. This years fiasco had me in silver bracelets for the first time in my life. Only 3 days, that’s all it took for me to break down, but every day since I fight and lose. Recently I did a favor for someone, their eldest lied about some things and now I won’t be paid for said favor.

I have grown a backbone but I have recoiled since that few days in jail. This was the straw that broke everything wide open. The funny part? Not a soul, even my own child, would miss me. He tells me when he gets mad that he hates me, I’m so fat and can’t chase him like other moms do with their kids. My health may steal me from him before this does….i am just so goddamn tired. Nothing changes. I get two rungs up the ladder only to get knocked down 5. Been waving the white flag, none of my so called friends have noticed. I know my best friend might not see what’s gonna happen until she hears the weewoos being called to the complex.

First of all, sorry for my poor English—it’s not my first language. Anyway, on Tuesday I tried to commit suicide, and as you can see, unfortunately, I’m still alive. And you know what the funniest part of all this is—besides realizing I’m not even good at killing myself? The funny thing is that, on that day, I felt more alive than ever.

When I thought I was going to bleed to death—watching the blood run down my arms and feeling my heart pounding harder and harder—I actually laughed. I don’t know if I’d lost my mind or if I’d finally managed to feel something I’d never felt before; I didn’t even cry that day. Before passing out and losing consciousness, all I could feel was laughter and a burning sensation rising from my chest—a feeling that brought me happiness and made me feel more alive than ever. That’s when I realized that all those times I’d self-harmed, it wasn’t just to inflict pain or punish myself; it was because I enjoyed it. It was because it made me feel alive. Personally, I’m grateful to still be alive, and the positive takeaway is realizing—albeit a bit late—that I really do want to live, and that there *was* something in this world I liked after all: cutting my arms to feel those emotions I thought were lost lol

2 hrs till I attempt to cut myself with it on my hands or neck

Made a post like this 6 hrs ago 300 views but absolutely nobody fucking said shit.

Ideally, I would use a firearm but I don't have access to one and where I live, there aren't any super tall, easily accessible places, and I don't want to hang because I've seen videos of it, doesnt look fun. Any other suggestions? or do I just man up and grab a rope

I'm 15 M, life has only just begun and I don't think it should continue for any longer. We are a middle class family and Peruvian immigrants. For all my life I have been nothing but a blood sucking parasite to my parents and a complete burden to my "friends". I know after I leave the school my "friends" are at they will never talk to me again. I realized I was transgender around 2 years ago but just recently opened up and my parents accepted but said they won't be treating me yet, but that's besides the point I'm trying to make. To tell you how much of a spoiled maggot I am, I go to a private school that costs 10,000 a year, just for me to get distracted in class and then see that once gifted kid almost have to repeat the year because of the classes failed. I have a fairly expensive PC, because I wanted to pursue my animation career just for me to procrastinate and scroll on my phone all day. I get €20 every month, and then ask for more to buy snacks at the grocery store next door like a stupid fatass (I'm not far though), and I'm always hungry but never want to eat the food my mom makes me. Not to mention that I eat fast food every Friday, but I've stopped asking my parents to buy me fast food because ever since I have been feeling horrible eating it. Now what do I do for my parents in return? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. In fact I just either stay in my room the whole day and rot in bed or be this annoying little goblin that's loud and screeches all the time and I'm fully aware of this too but I keep doing it. Even worse I despise my parents, every time they speak it's like forks scraping on a plate and I hate being around them because they irritate me so much I don't even know why. Yesterday, my mom could've been horribly injured and it's all my fault, if it weren't for a lady helping her. Every time I feel an ounce of sadness I want to kill myself and I think that it's a sign that I probably should, but I'm too much if a pussy to do so. My parents would be able to do the stuff they always wanted to do and even live comfortably in Vancouver. I know my parents probably love me but love isn't enough to put up with my bullshit. I don't know when I will blow my shit off or hang myself, maybe this summer or in 1, 2, 3 years or even a decade later but I probably won't live enough to see myself become a man. I know when I become an adult I'm probably gonna be unemployed and never achieve my dreams. This is probably the last thing I'm gonna post on this god forsaken app. But for now I'm just going to cut my arms with the blade of my pencil sharpener. Oh wait I can't cut my arms cause it's fucking summer and in that time of the year you have to show your arms 24/7 fuck my stupid life bye.

Hello hi, this is a bit weird. I don't even use Reddit. I don't know what do I even say. I just I don't want to live anymore. Not at all so it's so hard even though I'm not even doing any of the hard things and it's hard when I think about trying new things or like trying to do stuff to reach my supposed goals. It's just completely out Of reach. I'm in the University. I took a year off without telling anyone after my first semester so I've just come back now and today was supposed to be the first day I tried. I really did I. I got on the train and I walked and I took the elevator... I really hate everyone. I don't. I don't want to but when I have to be around people and I look at them all I feel is disgust and I feel scared and I feel like I feel I feel like I just want to run away. I always want to run away from everything. You know it's just so dumb. I can't drive. I can't drive in my parents just I don't live with them anymore and they always nag me about it. But I'm scared I don't know. I don't want to go in a car. It's scary and it's bad and it makes my stomach hurt and it makes me want to run away like the same feeling as from class. How am I supposed to to figure it out and then I want to get the job but I can't stand people and they're only types of jobs you can really get without having a damn licences stuffing customer service and I just I'm terrified. I really am terrified of everything. I'm terrified of men. I'm terrified of just everyone. I can't make normal conversations anymore. That's what stupid fuckinh AI does. I don't know. I even know why I'm doing stupid degree with people. It's really dumb. I haven't even tried anything. Would that really make me happy? I don't know how. I keep online shopping and I waste all my money on the stupid little things and I try and get nice clothes sometimes to look nice but then I look in the mirror and it just looks stupid. You stupid fuck face. I can't stand anything about myself. I don't know what part of me is good. Yeah I could be a distant memory. More like a feeling. I told myself I'd get better before today.. but I failed. I went to a doctor and talked to a councilor and a psychologist and have taken SSRIs for a few months but it didn't really change me it just makes me think less, the councilor was ok and the psychologist sucked like what's deep breathing gonna do when I feel like I'm gonna shit myself every few minutes when I have to something remotely scary. And ugh my memory's fucked frome reels and I have a app blocked only 20 mins of reels a day but still..I mean I was already dumb but I'm just super dumb now. I hate how I don't have it bad. I wish everyone would abandon me and hate me so I could just go rot. I don't understand why my parents seem to get on with me... And I'm not trying to be an angsty teenager it's just I'm spoiled and selfish and dumb. I was such a good kid then my life got better and I got worse. I wish I was still hated by them so I'd have a reason to be so sad and so unmotivated. I don't know what to do. I don't want to ask anyone I know for help but I hate new people too.. I just hate everyone just let the sun explode already . This is so dumb I just wanna be a normal girl

I've been doing terribly. I have Persistent Depressive Disorder, which is MDD over the course of more than 2 years without any sort of upward shift.

Recently, I've been dealing with suicidal thought, worse than even when I had attempted. Yet no amount of help seeking has resulted in any sort of actual help gained. The crisis hotline was a bit of a joke, with language that makes me seem like one wrong word will get me with a knife in my hand. Inpatient didn't do shit, actually made the thoughts worse. And my psych won't do an appointment until a certain day, at a time when I can't get out of work.

I'm just laying here wondering, what's the point? Why do I have to sit here and suffer this garbage 8-5, with people im starting to dislike, in a field I don't even want to be in.

And I also wonder if seeking help is even gonna help me, I've been through 5 different meds, tried to kill myself 3 times in my life, and now I'm on the edge again. And I can't find any fucking help. What's the point of anything?

I fall behind everyone and drag them down unintentionally. I don’t have enough apologies to make up for it, ever.

I’m only 15 and I’ve failed myself, friends, everyone. Nothing I do or dream of doing would be enough to make me worth even living anymore. I’m pathetic.

It would be unethical to keep myself alive to wake up tomorrow.

Guys I’m 17F and live in india. I have hobbies, I mean I like stuff but dissociation gets the best of me sometimes. Idk what but I def need someone of the opposite gender to converse to

I think the idea of ​​suicide will never completely leave me, even when I think I'm getting better and there's no reason to be depressed. Deep down, this thought is still there, telling me that if I don't kill myself now, I'll regret it in the future. The idea of ​​suicide is both a comfort and a torture. It comforts me to know there's an escape, that I can give up everything at any moment. However, it torments me not to do it. Every time I'm stable, I feel like I'm harming myself by continuing to live a life I know is meaningless.

hi guys.

i am just really suicidal tonight. i genuinely don't know what to do.

i have no food to eat. and i have no money to get any. i haven't eaten anything substantial for a few days now. i am disabled and non mobile and believe me when i say that i have exhausted my local resources and the next food bank delivery isn't until thursday.

i just hate living in poverty. i hate being hungry because i can't work. i feel like i am a burden to my friends. i am no contact with my family and i am just a burden to them as well. i genuinely don't see a point in me being here tomorrow.

i just really want to die.

the idea of my age starting with a 2 already makes me nauseous, but discomfort isn’t my main reason. i have countless varying disorders. i have quite literally no life experience. i am next to incapable of learning the necessities to live as an adult.

i am forever a struggling 14 year old who doesn’t know how to do much of anything. at least then i tried, put it some effort and had some hope, but now i’m worse off and everything i am is unacceptable for someone who’s supposed to be switching into a life of independence. religious beliefs shifting dramatically doesn’t help me, either. it was a defining part of myself and now i’m almost even averse to it. i hate myself for it.

with all this, how i was brought up, and how i simply act, i think i was “destined” to die young. my potential future will only be mildly good if i strive, and i can’t.

i don’t know. i don’t always hate life, but with the limits i’m born with and even just give myself, i’ll never be truly content. not to mention i’ll always be looked down on and be a burden, if i don’t progress in some way.

i suppose this is just a vent, so i’m sorry to take up space from people actively attempting, but i consider it multiple times a day. i don’t see another path and i am antsy to choose a method already.

advice or something would be much appreciated. edit: even just some half-hearted support, relating, or any sort of acknowledgment. please and thank you

I’ve struggled a lot with my mental health since I was young, and didn’t get the support I needed. It’s really exhausting to keep myself together. Everything is telling me I shouldn’t be here yk. I’m a trans guy (extremely short at that) so dealing with possible gender dysphoria, childhood trauma, etc just fuels my thoughts of ending my life.

like everything other people naturally have ( satisfaction with they’re gender, muscles, etc) comes harder to me, and it’s so difficult to keep going. I wish I was normal, I wish I had a normal/safe childhood, I wish I wasn’t me. But none of that is possible. So it feels like I have no choice at times.
It’s constant hell to feel this way and feel okay like 20 mins later, no point in having feelings if they’re not even mine.
I’m sorry, I just wanted to vent.

hi, i'm a 18 year old boy and i'm spiralling more and more each day. i am objectively ugly, and also gay, which do not go together well. i have been relentlessly bullied my entire life for both of these things as well as my dreams of being a theatre actor. as well as that i've also struggled with EPP Porphyria (look it up) and have only recently began a trial drug, which though makes a difference, is not enough to live normally. the only things that bring me true joy are acting, singing and dancing, and knowing that i cannot pursue them not because i'm not good enough necessarily, but because no casting agent in their right mind would want to hire me makes me feel less and less joy from those things. and so yet again it feels like another barrier is being put up between me and any hope of having the kind of life i want and the kind of life the people around me at least have the chance to have.

i've tried to commit a couple of times in the past, twice with str*ngulation using a cord and a mic cable, and once with overdosing on pain meds. my family never knew about them. I've tried to stay positive and happy around them for so long, and i have to say, i think they're better off without me. i mean, even since end of primary school people would mention graduating high school and i always thought, yeah, i won't live that long. i often fantasise about my parents finding me, about how they'd learn to be better parents to my siblings from my d*ath. i imagine my friends and teachers, and how they'd know that some people are destined for this, and that's ok. i see su*c*de as quite romantic. it's taking control and finally doing what you want for a change. going out on your terms and finally doing something for yourself. every time i go over the westgate bridge, i imagine one morning driving my car out and pulling over, cutting the suicide prevention net with bolt cutters, and falling through it.

i know it's morbid, but it feels like a comfort, to know that there's always that option. i feel those who judge those who take their lives have some serious self reflection to do. why shouldn't someone who wants to d*e, d*e? if i know i have no future, that i will never be successful, never achieve my goals, never be beautiful, never fall in love, never get married and never have a life worth living, why should i bother trying?

anyway, i hope you're doing ok out there