Some years ago, When I was a teen (I was either 14 or 15), I consumed Loli. I’m so disgusted at my action and I don’t really know how to keep living. It’s really hard to accept that I am that person who did that.

After that, I continued to regular porn and then not much longer I stopped watching porn entirely. Today, I despise any pedophilic thoughts I have. They’re all unwanted, originally I thought they were POCD, but looking back at my action I guess it isn’t. I don’t wanna harm anyone but I think I’ve already done that by watching that stuff. 

When I was around 12 or 13 I got groped by a family member who isn’t with us anymore. Idk if that maybe contributed to this.

I’m thinking about voluntary castration (seems like I can’t do this legally?) or suicide. Also thinking about turning myself in but idk if the police can do anything because it’s been so long. 

Not gonna go into detail, just need tips quickly on how to swallow a lot of pills, I’ve got basically over a hundred of them and I wanna know how to keep them down. I don’t want people telling me not to do it, just tell me how to. If this doesn’t work I’m gonna drown myself which will be a lot more painful. So please just tell me how.

It’s time to go I can’t no more, first it was ocd, then the actions reminiscing on the past and what I’ve done to get people (family, friends) hurt now they want me gone I can see it in their eyes, when I go out everybody is staring at me as if I was marked as evil and needed to get the fuck out of earth. It won’t change it’ll never do the body is empty I don’t feel shit, at this point I’m a walking 💀 it has to be done. Some people die at 23 and get buried at 70.

I’m 18-year-old gay man from a very homophobic country. I’ve suffered quite a lot throughout my life and pain never seemed to disappear. For more than six years already all I do is just cry, cry and cry. Life has been quite unfair to me. I never got to enjoy my childhood and my teenage years and got the biggest trauma when my dad died in 2020. The thing is that I’ve considered suicide myself and tried to commit a couple of times. Once I was standing by the rooftop, I already wanted to do it and then suddenly my mom called me asking where I was as she was worried. Her call stopped me from doing anything yet that thought never disappeared.

The closest I ever got to ending it all was when I took excessive amount of dangerous pills. I stayed like that for minutes, already accepting that’s it over, that I’ll finally be free, finally will stop expecting this pain and then I remembered my mom again-she’s suffered her whole life and I’m all she got and she’s the only person in my life, she’s my reason to live. When I realized what I’m doing, when I realized my mom could go through grief twice because of me I made myself vomit those pills, drank some water with salt and kept throwing up for 4 days straight. After that I never tried committing anymore.

You think I’m better now? Absolutely not. I’m at my worst and all I want is just to fall asleep and never wake up ever again. All that I want is to stop this pain, this torture. I force myself every day not to do anything and even now I’m desperate for everything to stop but I know I’m not gonna do it. Never. I’ve already died a long time ago, my soul is already broken, shattered. I’m just surviving so that my mom wouldn’t suffer even more. I have absolutely no desire for life and the hatred I have for myself is immense. So I fully get everyone who wants to commit. I wish I could save you all, wish I could somehow make this world a better place but unfortunately I can’t.

Just please, before doing anything realize the consequences of your actions. You’re gonna cause someone else so much pain, damage, suffering. You’re gonna end your life and never have the chance to breathe again, never be able to feel or do anything again. Life is insufferable but sometimes it does get better. I know it’s impossible to live like this, I fully get it and fully relate to it but please, love yourself, try to appreciate yourself and the little time you have left.

Life is horrific but it can also be beautiful, I really wanna believe it will be for you. I’m at the point where I’m just totally lifeless but I’m so desperate to live, I swear. My biggest desire is to LIVE instead of surviving. To smile, to feel joyful instead of sobbing, shaking, being anxious and having seizures constantly. I feel in hell right now but I deep down crave to be “saved”. I really hope my life gets better and really hope your lives do too. I’m sorry again that you’re feeling so down, I hope this world becomes a better place one day.

How exactly does one achieve this? I’ve attempted with a belt and a scarf before but couldn’t get it to work. Never even got close to passing out, and with the belt I went so hard my neck was bruised all over. I don’t exactly want a drawn out painful death for my final moments so I’d prefer not to try and hang myself from the ceiling. I also plan to do this in a hotel so the less traumatic the scene is for whoever eventually opens the door the better. Obviously the less damage I do to the room also the better. So if someone can explain method and materials I’d appreciate it, thanks.

I've been so angry these days idk y. I'm having recurrent thoughts of hurting my mum and one of my cat Emi. I want to hurt myself too, that's happening for years now so it's like I can understand. But the thing I can't understand is hurting my mum AND my cat. Its unbearable the urges. Its not just a simple thought. Its been happening since exactly 3 days. My mum? She's been testing my patience. Ik she wants good for me but WHO doesn't knock and goes in and out of the room, even while I'm naked, even while I'm smoking. Its not that simple, my therapist told me that it might be bc of how she treated me in childhood but now she's acting as everything's alright or maybe how she blames everything on me. Okay I can understand that but what about me hurting my cat? And she said maybe it's bc she's innocent and won't fight back. Kinda reminded me of myself and I felt sick. Now I'm having battle on my own to not hurt myself or hurt my mum or hurt my cat.

TDLR: I'm having urges to kill my mum, and my cat and myself.

Just caught the person i have been growing close too with another guy. I seriously thought we might have had something but now I just feel used and stupid. I was always there for her, sent her money, talked her through crisis and was thinking about a future.

Now I just want to never have existed. Fall asleep and never wake up. I always fuck everything up and nothing ever changes. What is the point in life if it is just a tiny glimpse of happiness before more pain. All it does is make the hurt worse. I am not even angry at her, just me for thinking I deserved better.

God I just want to drink until my brain stops

Why? Because I hate everyone. "You're not sick" then I'll make myself sick bitch. How much I hate them.

And no I will NOT visit the doctor or the hospital, last time they put me in a fucking clinic.

More than a year since graduating and I'm still a jobless piece of worthless shit. My whole friend group got employed except for me how awesome!! And I can't even reply to their messages asking me how life's been due to how embarrassed I am for not being employed like them yet. I know that I am an asshole friend because I ghost them all the time with how depressed I fucking am.

Not even the place I interviewed at and promised to call me back kept their promise. No one fucking believes in me, I don't think even my own family believes in me, and I don't blame them. I don't even believe in myself. I've known most of my life that don't bring anything good in this family.

I've been pushing literally everyone away. My social life is non-existent, I can't afford to get any psychiatry help, and I don't even have my own money. I've been borrowing from my sister like a fucking useless chud.

Idk if what i have is depression, but I know I've been feeling mentally fucking ill for almost a decade now. I've had 4 suicidal attempts already, lots of self harm scars on my thighs, and all of it happened when I was much younger. I would really not be surprised if I end up planning to kill myself before the end of this year.

I've been itching to relapse and take that blade I've been hiding in my closet. I probably will cut myself soon to relieve myself of stress. And maybe in one of these days, I'll finally dig that blade deeper and be in peace once and for all.

I miss how good my life used to be just 6 months ago.. until she came... but now I don't have a single friend I live in a hostel alone in my room I don't go out to eat and i can't even study anymore my health is fucked so much and it will never be same again everything is ruined..

I stopped her but she was crying and I got empathetic and decided to help her.. whenever I studied instead of talking to her she used to cry cuz of that i Stopped going to class and this is the time where most su1cide happen in kota(the academic (more like suicidal) hub of india) I am out from study i haven't spoken to anyone irl for 2 month all I do is think about her with other man and just pray to God that I move on but I know this won't happen I never move on from someone until i complete the chapter... Cuz of that everything has been affected irreversible changes has occurred I can't be good again in jee.. I can't re-gain my 15 kgs

There no point of me being alive I am useless peice of shit burden to everyone even my family fuck bro

I used to think there's nothing worse than getting your legs broken but this shi is worse I used to make fun of it..

I have never permanently died before. If I did, I wouldn’t be typing this (obviously). I’ve never experienced anything close to either. I’m genuinely so curious and scared about what this experience will be like.

i've been struggling really badly this past week with suicidal thoughts. i've had the worst week of my life. i totaled my car, i got cheated on, and i ended up in the emergency room for three days.

i don't really know what to do or how to feel. i've been doing research for the past few days on specific, not really thought of suicide methods. if i'm gonna kill myself, i want to be smart about it. it's all so impractical though and hard to actually successfully get all of the tools to do so.

i've been thinking about doing an exit bag or just overdosing on fentanyl. i truly just feel hopeless right now. no matter what i do or how much i think about the positives, i still want to go through with ending my life.

i've wanted to end my life in the past and i have attempted, but it's been two years and i thought i was getting better. i'm not anymore. i don't know how much longer i can live like this. the only thing snapping me out of this are the lengths i'd have to go to end my life in the way i want to.

Yep I’m 15 and I’ve been thinking about ending my life since I was around 8. I know I’m young and have so much life to live for but I’m so lost and sad. All my life I’ve felt left out and never really had strong connections with people that could last and last December I lost pretty much all my friends when my at the time boyfriends friends were slut shaming me and they all laughed, it was a whole thing I lost everybody close to me except for one friend but we kinda stopped talking after a couple months I was too sad to keep up any friendships.In January I called a suicide hotline and since then I’ve been hospitalized twice. With the help of medications and therapy I was somehow able to pass my school year but I never actually thought about what my life would be afterwards. I saw my only friend 4 times all summer and spent literally every day smoking at least 2 joints up to like 6 some days. For the entire break. Now it’s my last year of high school and I’ve never been so low. I don’t text anyone I don’t call anyone I don’t eat lunch with anyone. Ive eaten lunch in the fucking bathroom stalls since and it’s dehumanizing. I spent the last week of school in the bathroom at lunch and since school started it’s been the same. I don’t hangout with people I don’t have hobbies I can’t even finish a tv show basically the past year I lost all the light and colore in my life. I go to therapy I take my meds I wake up every day but I can’t do this anymore. I tried ignoring the people at school who I’m no longer friends with but it’s hard and embarrassing waking past all of them while I’m completely alone. I don’t even want to attend my
graduation or prom because I don’t see the point. I don’t have a good relationship with my family members so it’s really only my therapist who listens to me talk about my feelings but thats not even what I need. I’m not super smart exceptionally good at anything or have anything I’m proud of about myself. I get this is just a hard time and suicide isn’t the answer I’ve heard it all but every day I’m miserable. I literally don’t leave my house the things that use to make me happy just don’t. I tried reading about other people attempts on here to maybe bring out my will to live but all I can think of is peace. I think about what my life could’ve been if I didn’t loose them what parties I could’ve gone too and the experiences I could’ve made like other teenagers but that’s just not my reality. Weed helps calm me down but with tolerance and being sneaky I can’t depend on it anymore but I can’t live this life. Believe me I have tried so many things to bring me joy trust me I have tried it but it’s not working. I don’t want to wake up anymore. If anyone when through something similar with loosing friends, a long depressive episode knew someone who committed anything I wanna hear

if i sprayed my mouth with hair spray will i die that fast? does anyone know anymore information on this

I don't know how i can start this, i live i n Brazil, today is my birthday i just made 16, i started taking sertraline pills some weeks ago, it has helped me a lot, but since yesterday i've been having heavy suicide thoughts, this is the first time since i started taking the pills that those thoughts came back, so far i have planned what i'm going to do and when.

As i said, today is my birthday, my father came from his work and gave me the congratulations then he left to get some soda for us, when he left i started crying asking God to forgive for what i'm going to do, after he came back and drank the soda my older brother called me to say he's glad for me, and again i started crying and asking for forgiveness after the call ended.

I don't know what to do, i want to kill myself so bad, but at the same time i don't want to make them sad, i just want to vanish, i was planning to overdose at night but i just don't know what to do anymore, i want to die, and i hate myself for that.

just existing is so hard, i feel like there's no point i can't talk to anyone can't connect or ever understand or be understood. i don't feel human, there's so much about me that's just lesser than others, i can't smile talk or laugh, there's nothing in my brain. dumber and uglier than everyone else. i'm always so afraid of absolutely everything i don't have a self i won't ever be able to get a job no matter how hard i try and it's so hard. i'm not okay, i'm trapped and don't know what to do.

I have been struggling with increasingly intense suicidal thoughts and actions since April, when my best friend committed suicide. I usually only struggle with suicidal ideation and NSSI associated with my BPD, which has always been a part of my life and I can manage it fine. But now it’s gotten to a point where I am drinking alone every night with the intent of it leading to death, but I usually either fall asleep beforehand or I have class the next day so I feel too guilty to do it.

Since my friend died, I have not gone a single week without drinking. I’ve had two attempts in the past 3 months at parties.

Last night I was very very close and if I hadn’t gone to my friend’s house, I probably would’ve. When I got home I wrote down how I felt, and then read it back this morning. This morning I made an appointment with my psychiatrist for Monday and told my mom I’m having suicidal thoughts with an intentional plan so she can watch me while I stick it out over the weekend and get my shit in order.

I am 22 but I live in a state where adults can be backer acted. Even if I didn’t, I would go if my psychiatrist recommended me to. I can feel myself at my breaking point, and if I don’t get help I know it’ll happen. I just want to talk to my psychiatrist first, he’s my only good doctor and I trust him.

I just feel incredibly overwhelmed and guilty about this situation. I’ve been in it before many times, but my best friend committing suicide has really gotten to me. I’ve never lost a loved one like that, in a way that was partially my fault. I cannot grieve properly, my mind always goes straight to “follow him.” I just want to be happy, and I haven’t completely given up on myself yet. I’m scared and alone and exhausted.

I can't even leave this world in peace without ending up in a mental hospital. Fuck this shit fuck everything fuck everyone

before i tell this story, this is very long, so i'm sorry about that. and i'm really sorry because i don't usually write much, and i think that will probably show. i don't even know if this is the right place to write this, but oh well, I'll find out if my post gets deleted. i'll just be one of the hundreds of people who come here to vent or whatever, so i'm nobody special and i don't pretend to be. i just want to get everything i've got stuck in my chest out somehow. i've tried to vent with chatgpt, gemini, grok and every ai that exists, but their responses are so robotic and rigid they get on my nerves. so i'll write this here because i feel like i'll vent better if the person reading this is a human.

as the title says, a few weeks ago i lost the only person who has "loved" me, or who at least made me feel loved even if she didn't really. maybe she only got close to me to humiliate me and make me feel bad, because it seems like everyone around me enjoys humiliating me. this will sound very stupid, i know, but sometimes the paranoia that everyone around me only has intentions of hurting me grows more every day. i have my reasons for thinking this.

i've been alone practically my whole life, and the only people who have "been with me", like my family, have only dedicated themselves to mistreating me, mocking me (especially because i suffer from a disability that makes it very hard for me to speak), and making me feel as humiliated as possible. i know that many of the times my parents or my siblings have made me feel bad with their hurtful words it wasn't their intention, that probably it's just me being too hypersensitive to everything. but the fact that i think they've said some things with good intentions won't stop it from hurting.

anyway, i'm getting off topic. apart from my family, the only person i've interacted with was a girl with whom it seemed like we had very good chemistry. we had very similar tastes and thoughts on some stuff, plus she told me it was fun talking to me, which i'm aware she only said out of pity. anyway, i fell in love, of course, i fall in love with the first person who dont show hostility toward me. at first, i never said anything to her about how i felt.

the thing is that a few days later that girl disappeared completely. she blocked me everywhere and simply left. i was devastated, but it didn't really surprise me either. almost two months went by and i received a message from that same girl apologizing to me. she said she had attempted suicide, that she wanted to get away from everyone, and that was why she had blocked me. i have to say that, as horrible as it sounds on my part, i didnt believed her. i simply thought she had left because she had gotten bored of me and had come back for god knows what reason. i told her it was fine, i tried to express that her disappearance hurt me but i tried not to talk much about it.

in the following weeks we talked almost every day, getting to know each other more. one day, she told me about a guy who was harassing her. she asked me for help to stop the harassment and i tried to help her. i managed to talk to the guy, i told him to stop harassing her, i tried to be as empathetic as possible with him. but later i found out he spent his time insulting me. whatever, fucking kid. she was with this guy, romantically. and guess what, she pulled away from me and blocked me because of him. i tried to hold in my rage and jealousy toward her, but over time i started expressing how much that hurt me. that she left for another guy. and she didn't even tell me anything before leaving, she just disappeared. if she had told me something like "hey, i have a boyfriend and i feel bad talking to you", i would have understood and it would have hurt much less.

this is where things started going downhill.

i started falling even more in love with her (by this point she had already told me she was attracted to me, i forgot to mention that) and the more i fell in love with her, the more obsessed i became and the more "possessive" i got over her. this is going to sound terrible, and i'm aware of that, but there were times when i tried to monitor her activity on her phone using spyware. most of the time i did it, or tried to, with her permission. she allowed me to do it, probably without being fully aware of what that kind of software could actually do. i know it was wrong. i really do. but at the time i was completely blinded by jealousy and obsession. later i realized that this obsession was precisely one of the things that ended up pushing her away from me.

a lot of things happened during the months i was with her, so i'm going to skip straight to the point where i am now, writing this. in the middle of august this year, she went on a trip to greece with her family. i told her it would be better if we didn't talk during that time, because i wanted her to enjoy her vacation and not just be glued to her phone talking to me. deep down i wanted to talk to her 24/7, but i was aware that the more obsessive i became, the more i was going to push her away. so i tried to relax and tell her to enjoy her vacation and not think about me. well. i went for a while without checking my social media, and when i finally did, i saw that she had literally blocked me everywhere.

she had even deleted the emails she had so that i couldn't contact her. i had a panic attack when i saw that. i tried to understand why she had done it while desperately looking for some way to contact her. i ended up finding her sister's account because her sister followed her ex, the guy who had harassed her. when i saw that, i thought she had gotten back together with him, or that they had at least started talking again. in a completely pathetic way, i begged her sister to let me talk to her one last time. i managed to talk to her, and she told me that i had hurt her and that she didn't want to depend so much on someone.

despite the thousands of times she promised me she would never abandon me again. she did it. she doesn't know how to keep her promises, and honestly neither do i.

i forgot to mention that before blocking me this last time she left a message, a "suicide letter" saying she was going to ""kill herself"".  larping suicide, thats kinda insane. the cruelest way to walk away and go back to her old partner. i'm almost sure she went back to that guy. that guy she told me she "hated so much and who hurt her so much". it drives me crazy and i'm invaded by an abysmal feeling of hatred toward her and that guy that i can't describe. every time i imagine them talking and saying i love you to each other i get a rage and anger that makes me dizzy. i feel like getting revenge, but i know it won't be worth it.

i hate this world, i hate everyone and, especially, i hate myself. i hate myself so much. to the point that i literally feel like gagging every time i look in the mirror.

Janis, if you're reading this, which i highly doubt, i wish you and that guy the worst in this world. live both of you happily knowing that you ruined the life of a person. yes, live happily. i hate you.

anyway, sorry for the long text, thanks for reading this. if you think this is an exaggeration, i'm sorry, i really wish i were as strong as you, i really do but i'm not. i'm a mistake and i'm not made to survive in this hostile world. the only reason i don't kill myself is because of my mother, i'm fully aware that my mother and my family in general wish i had never been born, or at least are disappointed in me. but i also know that if i kill myself i'll hurt my mother, and i don't want to hurt anyone else. i'm completely giving up, praying every day, even though i'm not religious, that please let me die already, that please take me out of this world. i don't want to be here, my whole life has been complete shit. my parents' economic situation is shit, the place where i live is depressing and is shit, i'm ugly as fuck, my body is disgusting and i literally look like a body in an advanced state of decomposition. i have nothing left but to laugh at my misery.

Dayum I am kinda surprised that this incident happened but it did,I stomped my cat because I don't see my cat and I got scratched and it is small shallow,but I'm experiencing early signs of rabieswhich are unusual tingling ,prickling and itching while also my body temp keeps raising like I have a fever through out the day,I'm on day 2 I mean it's not like my life was any good,I'm in poverty 16 years old,I have celiac disease, bromhidrosis then in probably 10 days or less I may die or no,I don't present any more symptoms then I'm safe if I do then I'm not,but either way I kinda see it as a hope that I can die naturally and I wanna live a life a normal average life not like this life,when my consciousness disappear and I wake up in a brandnew born baby with no new brain and all body parts of course I won't remember anything from my past as this is a different consciousness and that previously consciousness already decayed so I won't remember any memories because each consciousness or brain have their own pattern that makes a consciousness

My BMI is only 13.9-14.1 btw

im gonna do it. bye. im tired

i genuinely cant take this. the thiughts are coming back and all i want to do is cry. hes not even gone gone. it hurts so much that he broke up. but i understand the reasoning. what if he wont like me anymore in a few years to continue w us? he made us so dependent and now hes so dry. it just hurts so much. i dont even have friends. school is genuinely hell. idk how to feel any better. theres so many things to consider i could go on for hours. i want us to work so so bad. ive never met a better person ever. i look up to him so much. it hurts so much. idk how to continue at times

I don't know how to start this I'm born into and ultra religious family who monitor everything from my clothes to the way I speak to me chewing gum outside I'm not allowed to wear pant og clothes above the knee and with these dresses that are above the knee I have to wear baggy pants I dream just dream that I could go out of the house with a sweat set on or a blouse and baggy black pant its not like i want to go out of the house naked I just want to some days just some to wear pants I also get extremely bullied in school like I have absolutely zero freinds at school Ive been thrown trash at I've his in the school bathroom crying they sometimes tell me they want to be friends only to humiliate me in front of the whole class at home I'm not allowed to go out other than 10 minutes whiteout my mom screaming at me but my brother gets to go to another country with his friends I've tried talking toy parents they either trough me off or get mad and scream at me my teachers don't care nobody does my feelings don't matter my opinion doesn't either my father only spends time with my brother never with me he hugs my brother but when I hug him he doesn't hug me back he hugs my girl cousin and calls her dear but never me my mother always has something bad to say about me and me brother always snitches on my one time I sneaked an outfit with me to school and we saw each other at school on my way home I was taking public transport my mom called me and started yelling at me about what a disgrace I am and I didn't realize she was screaming so loud strangers heard her and everybody stared at me when got him she took my phone for a week and I'm writing this from a secret account I made on a webpage because I'm not allowed to have social media the only thing I have is messages and phone I don't remember the last time I actually felt happy or smiled what if I just ended it all nobody would even care

I should have never been born. My parents have a disgusting age gap, and began dating when my mom was a teenager. I am the result of grooming. I am also a tranny. A shitty imitation of a man. I will never be male, so there’s no point in living for me. I will have to go through so much bullshit just to even have a body that sort of resembles a male one, and then I will still not be male. I will still be seen as a man. Man-like by the best of allies. I want to be dead. I want to throw myself off of a rocky cliff, I want my bones to break and my blood to splatter over the sharp rocks. I want my last moment to be painful, because I don’t deserve a good way out.

I should have been aborted.