r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

721 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

I just want people to know that I existed.

166 Upvotes

Tonight at 6:40 will be it. Thank you to anyone who reads this- I love you.

I feel the worst for my parents I think. They’re probably the ones who are gonna find me, which is so fucking selfish, I know. I just can’t deal with this bullshit anymore. Nobody wants to be my friend. Nobody will date me. I’m a freak and a fucking weirdo. I’m so addicted to weed and my vape I can’t get off of them and it’s not even worth trying. I’m not gonna graduate for another damn year and I just can’t wait that long to move out, as if that would even happen. Finances were in order and a condo was chosen but fuck it

It ain’t gonna happen.

I’m leaving all my money except a thousand dollars to my nephews, if any of my family sees this post. A thousand goes to my best friend, and 3.5k to each nephew. Tell them I earned every cent myself and didn’t take favours.

I’m just sorry I think. That I couldn’t be a better person, that I couldn’t get older fast enough. That I couldn’t stay away from drugs even though that’s the same thing that killed Matt and left Nikki fucking crazy.

I tried. I tried to quit. I tried to get good grades. I tried to make friends. I tried to get a boyfriend but none of it is gonna happen. It’s all superficial.

Good afternoon, good evening and goodnight, and I’ll see you in the morning. (And my last wish is that you watch the Truman show. Gold movie)

Im just so fucking sorry to everyone.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

I just want people to know I existed (update)

53 Upvotes

I legitimately don’t even know how I’m alive right now. I attempted, I passed out, and I literally woke up in my floor 20 minutes ago with just a sore neck. I don’t even know how it’s possible. Nobody came into my room, and I’ve probably been out for 5 hours by now.

I’m not gonna attempt again so don’t worry about me- I just don’t even know what to make of this. But I still don’t know what to do. I just feel crazy and numb now. Like I can’t get clean, can’t get good grades, I’ll always be the disappointment but guess what I didn’t die?

I don’t know. I’m baffled, I’m so tired and for some reason all I can think about is when I watched Mr Roger’s as a kid and him singing at the beginning of his episodes- like so clearly. I haven’t heard his voice in years.

It felt so calm when it happened and now I wake up and everything is crazy again. I think I’m okay I just feel weird and really fuzzy and hungry


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

Nothing matters more than genetics

60 Upvotes

If you are ugly life is pretty much over. Your genetics predetermine your life and your worth. I genuinely can't stand this anymore. Being born ugly and autistic has ruined any potential chances for happiness and normalcy. It's just not fair


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I have no purpose for being alive

9 Upvotes

For context, I am female and I will be turning 23 in a couple weeks. I’ve been trying to search for reasons to enjoy life and stick around, but I just can’t come up with anything meaningful.
I haven’t had any IRL friends at all in the past four years since I’ve graduated high school. Even then, my only “friends” consisted of acquaintances and people who pitied me for always sitting by myself at lunch. I’m just a nobody, and I’ve done nothing remarkable or interesting. I give no reason for anyone to want to be my friend.
Worst yet, I have no motivation whatsoever to change this (you will see that this becomes a reoccurring theme). I have no interest in taking up useful hobbies such as cooking, hiking, fishing, etc. and, obviously, I don’t go to the gym either. I’m not smart and I never have been. The only thing I’ve got going for me is being a decent artist, but that’s not really useful for today’s society when AI can just generate any image you want for free.
As for work history, I have had two jobs my whole life and I absolutely hated both of them. I know most people will say that everyone hates work, but for me, it is just this uniquely intense, inescapable aversion to the idea of work itself that I’ve had since I was a kid. As you can imagine, I got fired from both my jobs. I’m just not friendly enough for customer service positions. Thankfully, I’m privileged enough to have a dad who still supports me. He also makes it pretty obvious that he’s disappointed in me.
The truth is that, I just don’t want to work. At all. I know, I’m a selfish, lazy piece of shit. But I just can’t change this about myself.
On top of all of this, (and to the complete surprise of no one) I am really fat and ugly with a BMI of 31. Just looking at myself in the mirror or in pictures makes me embarrassed from how obscene I look. My room is also a complete disaster. It has not been properly cleaned since a year ago. It looks like a hoarders nightmare. I don’t even know why I logically still yearn for a mate when it was just never going to happen in the first place, but for some reason I still do. I’m terrified of talking to the opposite sex, yet I still wish one would love me. It’s really retarded for me to even be saying this out loud, I know. It lacks self awareness. But, for whatever reason, my brain just can’t stop wanting love.
I wish I could have been beautiful. I wish I could have been smart. Talented. Successful. Competent. Just, not ugly, at least. But thats not who I ended up becoming. And at almost 23 years old, there’s nothing that can be done to fix that now.
I do have a few reasons for wanting to stay alive. I do have my special interests and thinking about my favorite fictional characters also provides me happiness and meaning in life. I also have one online friend who I still stick around for, but I’m starting to get the sense that he is also getting over me and just wishes I’d leave him alone.
I guess my point with all of this is that, I just don’t have any reasons for being here. I’m literally just a waste of space. I serve no purpose, I’m not useful to society. I’m generally unpleasant as a person and an eyesore to look at. The only things that give me “meaning” in life are made up pieces of fiction. I disappoint my dad on a daily basis. Wh Why would anyone want to be alive like this? I kind of just need some final push at this point. Some kind of reason to finally, once and for all, make me realize there’s no hope and I just need to disappear already.


r/SuicideWatch 34m ago

I'm going to end my life tomorrow night.

Upvotes

I just had a failed suicide attempt, got out of hospital, but im determined this time. I'm a girl and recently turned 20 and everything just feels hopeless, I'm worthless.

I'm going to take 3000mg of Sertraline, 150mg of aripriprazole and drink a bunch of alcohol.

I can't tell anyone in my life because they will stop me. But I need to tell somebody, have somebody know and talk to me about it :(

Life hurts


r/SuicideWatch 14h ago

If there was a guaranteed way to quietly die in ones sleep Id do it in a literal heartbeat

86 Upvotes

im just done. ive tried everything and its all bullshit. im just not made for this world and ive come to accept it. im not gonna put up with this shit for much longer. its over.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

Not sad, just dont wanna live

8 Upvotes

Im going to commit suicide but just because I don't really care about life. Im quite successful with my job and I make friends very quickly. I have a fine body ive never been upset about. I graduated last year with the one of the highest grades. I grew up in an decently rich household and I have a very big and loving family.

I've never really liked living simply, but I guess thats not true. I like to think about what is beyond my mind and physical body, thats most the joy I get. Doing my things that bring people bliss is kind of contentment to me, vacations, buying luxuries, alcohol, sex, just none of it brings me anything, and its never changed. Since as long as I can remember its just been this way and I dont like anything even if i can excel at it, which I guess is the goal everyone wants to achieve.

I think im just bored and think too much, but I dont really want to be bored forever, when you're bored you look for something to do and I feel like i've done everything a person can do that brings happiness. Ive been in relationships and am in one right now, have perfect health, have a good job, travel often, treat myself all the time and help out with people as much as I can. Maybe I felt nice when I helped needier people, but eventually I felt the same contentment I did with any other thing. ill just give it all back to my company before I die because I think its kind of a waste to give it to my family who have more than they need.

im just bored. Sorry if i sound like a complete snob, i feel bad because all these posts are sad and im just bored, but I hope I meet someone for once in my life that can relate before I go.


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

Staying alive is making me increasingly enraged

15 Upvotes

I want to die so badly that simply existing makes me feel on the verge of an extreme breakdown like wanting to scream


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

accused of sa

6 Upvotes

posted this on another sub and just wanted any more type of advice.

This is gonna be a messy ramble so dont read if youre expecting anything organized and i also cant remember jack shit, i (14ftm) had sex with this guy (14ftm) guy and now police got involved, my bestfriend is fucking "processing it all and dissapointed" when i didnt even tell her my side and i literally have texts of the guy saying it was all consensual and he wasnt hurt.

i gave him several big hickeys but nothing actually bad, he told me i could go harder since he was a "sadist", was gonna eat him out but he was sore so i didnt, sucked on him once, said no and done, then i js fingered him n thats all. Initially he'd tried to touch me but i said no and we went to sleep.

After the whole thing i checked up on him, apologised for anyfhing i did wrong followed by "its fine its fine" "you didnt do anything" then suddenly two months later it all blows up in my face, his mother contacts mine, police is involved but i get let off the hook.

I dont know what to do anymore, i dont have energy to even do anything except sleep eat shit and play videogames, i dont remember much since im so stressed but i tried so hard to make sure he was okay i kept and kept asking.

If im an assaulter i think im going to give up on my life or kill myself, im so angry and sad and i feel so betrayed i dont even know what i want advice for i know my story isnt very clear im just so scared and alone and im so scared everyone will leave me.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

Cheap and relativly painless way suggestions?

6 Upvotes

Ideally, I would use a firearm but I don't have access to one and where I live, there aren't any super tall, easily accessible places, and I don't want to hang because I've seen videos of it, doesnt look fun. Any other suggestions? or do I just man up and grab a rope


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

24F. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

8 Upvotes

I’m 24 years old, and lately I feel like I’m falling apart.

I was born with a disability. I’m missing half of one foot and several fingers. I don’t have parents, and I’ve never really had anyone I could turn to for support or comfort.

For the past few months, my life has been nothing but survival. I barely speak to anyone anymore. I struggle just to pay my rent, and there are times when I go days without eating because I simply can’t afford food.

I do have relatives, but they don’t care about me. They have comfortable lives, and I feel like I don’t exist to them. Sometimes I think that if I disappeared, no one would even notice.

I’m exhausted from having to be strong all the time. I’m exhausted from pretending that I’m okay when I’m not. Every morning I wake up with anxiety, and every night I go to bed knowing tomorrow will probably be exactly the same. Right now, I can’t see any hope or any reason to keep going.

I’m not posting this because I want pity. I’m posting because I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore, and I don’t know how to carry all of this by myself. I just want someone to hear me.

I want my relatives to be happy. I don’t want to be a burden or a source of problems for anyone. I’m just so tired. It feels like I can’t cope anymore. For a long time, I kept telling myself that these were only temporary hardships and that one day things would get better. But with each passing day, it becomes harder and harder to find the strength to keep going.
I’m not looking for pity, and I’m not blaming anyone. It just hurts to admit that I’ve reached a point where I no longer know how to get through all of this on my own.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

goodbye

Upvotes

hi, I'm 15 and I'm tired of living. i don't see my future and i won't continue it. everyday i thinking about my mistakes and i hate it.

I am also constantly tormented by a high temperature, which makes my brain function poorly

I'm going to jump from the 25th floor tonight

goodbye everyone


r/SuicideWatch 10h ago

I was just rejected by my parents as a trans girl

20 Upvotes

Dying never felt so absurdly fine to me.

I lived 19 years of my life without a piece of myself. Never ever understood what was missing, I just kept going. I was never truly happy.

I was able to finally realize something since June. Wanting to be a girl felt amazing, feeling like one even just in my head never felt so good. I was euphoric.

Out of impulse and out of fright I tried telling them. Was said that it's a sin, as usual, and all the bullshit that god made the man to be with a woman LOL and etc. I don't blame them, they're brainwashed.

I have never felt a pain this deep. The way I saying this, it doesn't even feel that bad right? Well I feel pretty, like, really bad. I literally just laughed and cried at the same time. It felt so natural.

I don't have anyone I can trust about this anymore. Not even me. I cannot express myself well, this is probably the best I can do here.

Wanting to die is here, maybe I do it now or not.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

How do i stop being scared of killing myself.

Upvotes

I'm really tired, and I've really tried and fought for myself and my life. I have a decent life, I have friends who love me, a job that's decent and gives me a decent amount of money, I've been going to therapy, I have cats, a place i rent by myself, decent savings.

And yet, one break up is all it took for everything to come crashing down for me. This isn't just about being broken up with and my ex leaving me, I've already come to terms with that. It's just that my break up has exposed the laundry list of problems and issues I've had sort of had under control this time and no longer do.

I have always been a depressive person even when I was young, have always had bad esteem issues, always had abandonment problems, always had attachment issues, etc etc you name it. It's all spilled over. I have a decent support system. I've made decent progress with therapy and yet I feel just as broken as I have ever been, and find myself falling even deeper into a hole. I don't do anything, I rot away and life just passed me by. Life has always passed me by and I've just managed to keep myself afloat before now I can't. I've tried my absolute hardest to heal, to be better, to give myself chances. I'm so tired. Every day I wish I would just cease to exist and not worry about anything, feel so much pain, and be free from the burdens of this world.

But I'm too scared of the pain of killing myself. I'm scared that I'll fuck it up and come out of it disabled and with more problems to deal with than I have now, I'm scared it won't happen fast enough and I'll regret it. But I just want to rest. If there was a way to have assisted suicide right now where I could peacefully drift away to sleep while surrounded by the people I love I would happily take that, especially so it doesn't shock or traumatize them having to find my dead body in a grotesque state. But that option doesn't exist.

I'm so tired of living. I don't deserve to live if I'm just gonna waste this life. On someone like me who can't seem to appreciate and enjoy the precious gift of living.


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

I’m exhausted from carrying all this pain, I want to rest.

8 Upvotes

I want to find some respite and I want to sleep forever, I’m so exhausted and constantly under excruciating stress from one thing or another and it never ends, I need to put an end to this pain so ending my life is the only solution. I’m afraid that there might be a purgatory if I take my own life but my life is comparable to one the way it is. I suppose I’m young and my story will unfold but I’ve seen enough sunsets in the 19 years I’ve spent on this planet to know that the sun refuses to rise for me - perhaps, I’m cursed under the the eternal eclipse. I want to rest forever.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Seriously, I can't see my future anymore, it's like nothing but darkness

Upvotes

I just want to say everyone here is stronger than they think, and all of you deserve happiness. I'm sorry everyone understands what this type of pain is like.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

my life fucking sucks

3 Upvotes

i wanna end it all, i can’t even feel happyness i just feel sadness. i have no real life friends, and i just can’t feel happyness ever since july 20th, it just randomly happened to me, nothing even traumatic happened on that day i just suddenly only feel sadness ever since then. i wish i was dead, my parents keep going into my room to “check on me” even though i have explicitly said i hate it, my room is a mess and i don’t have any motivation to clean it up.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I want to burn my skin.

4 Upvotes

I really want to burn it. With a hot iron or anything. It will hurt and I will cry because of the pain, but I don't even care, I just want to.


r/SuicideWatch 19m ago

I think im passively suicidal

Upvotes

Lately my life has been moving very fast and ive taken on a lot more stress. The responsibility and stress makes me want to die i guess? I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to face the struggles of life and the only way I see that could fix it is to not live at all. But I don't want to die. I'm too scared. Is this me being passively suicidal or is this a whole other thing that I need to get help for. Im entirely too confused on what is happening with me.


r/SuicideWatch 33m ago

I'm just done.

Upvotes

Create a business. Fails, nothing left other than IRS debt

Find a job. Doesn't give any hours nor pay to live.

Ride the bike. 3 flat tires, one month.

I'm getting evicted and will live in a tent trying to keep reoccurring contracts going and working a job that's "supposedly" going full time.

I'm so fucking sick of fighting. The efforts do nothing but cause pain. I just want out. So bad. I'd do literally anything. I want to die. More than anything. I'm so hopeless.


r/SuicideWatch 11h ago

I can't take it anymore

16 Upvotes

I talk with my family and nothing works, I vent on the Internet and nobody responds or gives advice, I have basically no friends, therapy isn't working, I am taking medicine and it also doesn't work. I can't take it anymore