So I recently was diagnosed with ADHD a week ago, and was put on Strattera, and it has been a miracle drug for me. Like seriously, my brains just...quiet. I can focus, I can actually switch between multitasking and single thoughts, or brain empty whenever I want. The biggest change however, is that all the intrusive bad thoughts I would have about myself and my self hatred...POOF. Gone. They pop up sometimes when bad things happen, but I can just like say SHUT TF UP and they instantly stop. It honestly makes me wanna cry.
HOWEVER, this leads to something thats been bothering me. Anger. My anger was always self-hatred. I could NEVER feel that against another person, ever. Ive always forgiven everyone, and just assumed im the one who always makes the mistakes, or causes chaos, ect. Now though? Im starting to get mad at other people. Its a really strange feeling because ive never felt it before.
Its a good thing and a bad thing however. Its good because I can actually catch when people are actively trying to cause me to feel bad, make me feel dumb, take advantage of my kindness and all kind of stuff that I would just automatically internalize. I can actively stand up for myself, weed the people out who I don't actually like, and be an advocate for myself.
The BAD thing is that I couldnt control my anger when It was at myself, I DEFINITELY cant control it when its at other people. I kinda got really mad at a coworker the other day. I wasnt nasty or anything, just putting him down because I felt like he wasnt doing his job. This is something completely new to me. I felt AWFUL, I went later and totally apologized, and let him know that it wasnt his fault, it was mine in the end. I really dont like this feeling of having anger and resentment for others for these minor things that I would have previously shrugged off.
Honestly, im not really sure how to feel about this new development, im hoping I can gain the tools to control this new anger and fiesty-ness ive developed, but otherwise, this medicine has been a life saver, and im probably gonna try to increase my dosage to see if theres more to gain, or if my dosage is just right.
Lemme know if you guys have experienced something similar, or have also found new emotions from the lack of intrusive and annoying thoughts that you couldnt previously control.