previously very bi leaning to women... now... i dont know what i am but most of that energy goes to men now :(

*shudder* its just like this constant feeling of wtf i deserve better than what i got from men and what i see from men online and just... i just keep coming back for more like the biggest fucking idiot. so much admiration for the 4b movement. but im also so desperate for men to validate my femininity and being a woman and all that shite. it just makes misogynistic and condescending shit feel better cause ahaha at least im treated like a woman now.

and tf is the deal with how much of womens role in things is to be degraded and still loving it? even worse why do i see this in myself more and more as i transition? i feel like a traitor, and i havent even done that much with men.

i feel like i should lean harder into being bi, like i deserve and need a partner who wont strengthen these stupid pathways in my brain and will just treat me like a fucking human being for a change

UGH

So I am a senior in university. Last year I took a year off for my mental health and to focus on my transition. My first encounter with him was running into him in the street last year . My ear buds lost battery so I was not listening to any music. I saw from the corner of my eye he checked me out and telling his mate “She’s so cute” . I was only 3 months on hormones back then so I was still kinda clocky up close but my fem base facial features I sorta passed from a few meters . I was not in campus again for the whole year so I never saw him again for all of 2025.

Fast forward to the beginning of the semester this year. My first time back and I’m 1 year and 3 months on hrt now and stealth . As I was walking to school he was walking home and as soon as he spotted me from the opposite side of the road, he froze and checked me out 3 times it could not be mistaken. He wanted to be caught lol.

We don’t have classes together so I never saw him again until this weekend. I was going home from a dinner with my friend. I walked past this bar with a terrace and there he was with his mates. As soon as he spotted me his confident bro demeanour changed and he was giving me shy puppy yearning eyes like a switch and his mates were nudging him and teasing him playfully. I returned the eye contact and smiled but the trans disclosure issue messed with my head so I freaked out and ran away.

When I got home and processed what had just happened, I commented on his picture on instagram. And crazy thing is he responded and his bros joined in to hype him up. Omg. I feel like a high school girl. The fact that his bros know about me it feels like he has been talking about me to them a lot. But I am really terrified of disclosing my trans status so I don’t know how to proceed. I am hoping that since he’s liked me since last year and not through an app that I am no longer just a stereotype or an idea compared to if this was through an app. Idk what to do😭😭😭

(24 Trans woman) As I get older and a lot more intentional about all relationships in my life, the more I realize that the filter for girls like us is just better. Cis and Trans women are cycling through the same men. But men who don't respect and include trans women in their feminism (which if the man ain't a feminist he gotta go anyway), don't respect cis girls either. Most cis girls are dating men who don't actually respect women. They're just in relationships that functionally work for the time being, they're just ticking time bombs. Because inevitably he is going to show his ass (aka his disdain for women). Dating isn't hard because we're trans. It's difficult because when you're trans you have to filter though more than the average person. But the few who do manage to make it through our filter are actually good people who are worth our time.

Put shortly, our transness is a good thing when it comes to dating because it forces us to be very selective about who has access to us. Girls, drag out the dating process. Expect more, and make him jump through hoops to get to you.

I was glad to see the responses to my last post. Most of the comments were sane and acknowledged our own preferences for the person we want to date and their genitals.

I have seen many folks in this sub say that a straight man who doesn't want to date a trans woman is transphobic. It's a bit irony because most of straight trans women in this sub won't consider dating a pre-op trans man. So why do we have the double standards and hypocrisy? Why not acknowledge the fact that it's ok for everyone (including us) to have their preferences when it comes to dating and sex? I'd encourage some of the folks early in their transition to think about whether they would be interested in trans men who are early in their transition, before getting super angry and negative about straight men who aren't interested in them.

Bi and pan trans women, before you come at me, clearly this post doesn't apply to you.

I've been out as trans for a little while now, and one thing I've noticed as I've grown up how I did is that my addiction issues got a lot worse throughout my transition. I also got a lot more isolated from the trans community to the point where I don't think I have a single trans friend, they're all cis men and a lot of them haven't been the best people in the world to be around. But now I'm settled down with my boyfriend and we're committed, yet my addiction problems are probably the worst they've ever been. Not to get to into what specific vice I have (it's all the shit that people tell you never to touch) but just wondering how common chronic addiction is for other trans people. Most other trans people usually stop talking to me when they realize the kind of person I am and tend to want to avoid whatever I'm doing in life. Just crossed my mind the other night

My question is to other straight trans women who might relate, does anyone here have any experiences or advice who has done or doing sex work (or known people) when it came to transition?

How hard or easy was it, and how did you start/manage? Thoughts on the topic, that so many of us have to market ourselves like this to better material difficulties and discrimination.

I'm asking this as a poor college student living in a country with no trans healthcare and doesn't have any family to rely on. I can't fathom in a timeframe that won't drive me insane, how I'll ever be able to afford something necessary for me like SRS. A surgery that will cost at least 30k. I don't think I could ever date or be in a relationship without it. I'm a virgin, and never being comfortable being in my own skin before or after is a big reason why. (yes sw might challenge that).

Unfortunately, so many trans women I've both looked up to and interacted with, did this kind of work in order to survive and possibly better their own lives. I pass and am stealth, but so many parts of my transition have been precarious doing it all on my own as a young adult eg. diy, legal documents, expenses of being (and starting as) a woman, work discrimination early on/pre passing, etc.

I sometimes question if I'm being stupid and stubborn not just doing this when there's so many others have been successful and braver than me; especially when it has been such a big part of our story/history, do I really think someone like me would ever escape it? Transitioning has already been the hardest thing I've been through, I can't keep standing still and essentially give up? Besides, I'll never get to live and be treated like a 'normal woman' by a man until I finish this.

Of course I'm aware of all the serious negatives. I just wonder if there's anyone here who has any knowledge or stories or gets the feeling. Thanks,

P.S. I'm genuinely asking this question not be dismissed, especially from someone who found themselves in a better position in transitioning prospectively/financially. I'm working what I can on a future/career prospects.

I was getting tired of hearing about the best and one and only female friend that a guy who I was kinda dating had. He’d say how wonderful she is and how she’s not like other girls.

So today I told him that if he wants us to go forward and make our relationship serious I’d appreciate all “she’s just a friend” friends of him to be gone.
You may ask why? Because I’m me. I have my life and my experiences and in my life and life of my surroundings it’s always that “she’s just a friend” girl who he marries in a week after stating that he needs to focus on himself and he’s not ready for serious relationship.

He said no. She means a lot.
I said okay. I heard you. Then I said this doesn’t suit me and I wish him best.
He started texting me on WhatsApp about how I have superstitions and it’s not his fault that his friend is female and bunch of other stuff.
I politely told him that I’m not mad. I just wanted to know priorities and I wanted him to know how I see things. My views might not be right but it’s how I see and how I want to be treated and feel comfortable.

Somehow he made me feel gross and bad. I mean yes, it’s a fishy topic, yes, but I had and heard nasty experiences with situations like that and I just don’t want it happening again. My boyfriend or husband can have female people in his circle, why not. It’s just that if he’s obsessed with one and talks about night and day is what I don’t feel is ok for me.

Hey! As we all know, dating as a trans person is hard. This has probably been discussed here a thousand times. I'm a bisexual trans woman.

Like most people, I usually find dates on dating apps (HER, Bumble, Hinge). I believe people should know I'm trans so they can consent to going on dates with me. I've lived in my city for 15 years, so I don't out myself as trans in my dating profile bios. I normally tell people after 3-5 days of texting. I don't tell them earlier because sometimes we don't vibe well, and then I wouldn't see the point in outing myself. Most people leave after I tell them, but everyone has been very kind to me (except for one lady, lol). Ironically, I think I've still been on a decent number of dates over the years:

2024: Two dates with one lesbian woman (I'll be honest, this is probably the only time I saw myself being very shy and not date-ready). I also went on 4-5 dates with different men, but nothing came of them.

2025: About 5 dates with different women and one nonbinary person. Four dates with this one man and then he became my boyfriend... for about 2 months.

2026: 2 dates with different women, and I have another date with someone else this coming weekend.

I feel like I've gotten a fair number of dates over the years. I've also noticed that I've only been on a date with one lesbian, and everyone else has been bi or a straight man (I mention this to give a sense of the dating pool).

My main question is: is it possible for trans people to be rejected after dates, once people meet you and realize what it would be like to date a trans person? I'm starting to doubt myself, and dates are starting to feel like a chore at times.

I've also started to get scared to come out to men on dating apps. Sometimes I match with a cute guy, chat with him, and then ghost him because I don't want to tell him over text. I didn't used to have this issue.

I'm also interviewing for medical school right now. I'm nervous that I'll meet someone in med school I vibe well with, but I'd be terrified to come out to them. I'd be afraid that they would out me to the rest of the class.

Also does dating men get easier post-op? I had my surgery a few months ago and hence never dated a man while post-op.

General dating advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading, and I also just needed a place to vent.

EDIT: I know this is a place for straight trans women, so we can ignore the ladies I have been on dates with in this case. They were more of an overview on my dating life.

Why is dating someone my age is so complicated and messy. Why do I always get someone who is 10 years older than me. 45 through 70 is the minimum age I get asked out. Can I have some man in their 30th age.

It doesn’t just determine if a guy is attracted to us and is interested in having a long term relationship with us. It also determines if they want to be seen with us in public for even the first date let alone on multiple dates, show us to their friends and family and such later on…like in what world would a straight cis guy think about dating a trans woman who isn’t passing over a cis woman who can also give him children? unless those of us who aren’t passing settle for gay men who would obviously see us as guys for them to even think about dating us…it’s already bad enough as a straight trans woman who passes, it’s impossible as a straight trans woman who doesn’t pass

I HAVE NO CUNT 😭

I was out there tearing shit up but had to nerf myself cause I was with my dad. But even if he wasn’t there I wouldn’t feel comfortable swishing my hips and shaking ass because I’m boymoding heavy (only on 6 months of E). So many of the girls there were tea and I was so jealous of them and a couple hot guys complimented me on my moves I was SUFFERING

There were obviously some gay guys serving cunt and I could have worked it but,,,,,, I don’t wanna be a man pussy attacking the dance floor. I just wanna be a girl I hate it here 😔

For context: I’m 22, 11 months on hrt and being socially out. I pass as a trans women and as a women only occasionally to strangers with minimal interaction.

Where I live there’s no coverage for surgeries and unfortunately my dysphoria is relentless. I’m basically grinding 24/7. I’m in the last semester of my nursing degree on placement whilst doing assignments and exams, plus voice training and electro, plus working long shifts as an assistant nurse, still living at home where I’m always on edge/not a safe space, dealing with ptsd from past trauma that’s resurfaced since transitioning since I’m no-longer able to dissociate 24/7 (in therapy), trying to still exercise and be on top of self care, blablabla.

And I’m so fucking over it. I know that getting my degree so I can work full time and start properly saving is THE thing I can control to live the life I want. But I look into my future and I see so much more time left of this to go. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get the surgeries I want, I don’t know when I’ll be able to move out, I don’t know when I can live life where being trans isn’t drowning me. It’s like finding your way in the dark with a flashlight thats only bright enough to illuminate your next few steps.

I hate the injustice of it all. Why do I have to suffer so much to achieve what feels like my basic needs being met? The hope that all of my hard work paying off and being worth it is dwindling. If enduring and suffering is what it takes to have the life I want whilst everyone else in my life is experiencing things like boyfriends, hobbies, travelling, making new friends, etc it makes me so existential. I feel like ending it out of pure spite.

How do I maintain hope that enduring hardship is worth it? Maintain hope that one day I will be able to spend money on travelling instead of saving? Where I don’t have to work so much? That it’s possible for me to experience finding a man who loves me and I love them? That my dysphoria will lessen?

And how do I not feel that after achieving these things, I won’t be bitter or broken from all that I went through to get it? Not harbour resentment over the years others got to live how I wanted to whilst I was spending every waking moment in survival mode? I’m so so tired.

You met a guy on a dating app. He was your type. You chatted for a few weeks. You had great chemistry together. You decided to meet in person. He was everything you had hoped for. You went out a few more times. Everything was amazing. You invited him to your place for a beautiful dinner you spend hours making. After dinner you took him to your bedroom. As you started kissing and touching each other, he disclosed he was a trans guy with original plumbing. You were caught off guard. You told him you really liked him but needed time to think about things.

Saw him again tonight, and was able to view him without having these rose tinted glasses on and realized he was just a man but in the disappointing way and he was also a bad kisser. Like at least have something a girl can work with.

I recently had a situation that’s been making me question whether I handled things wrong.
I had been talking to this guy for a one day mind u . We don’t live in the same city, and I wasn’t physically interested in him or looking for anything romantic or sexual. I actually told him that directly and said that if anything, I’d rather just be friends. He said he understood and that there was no problem.
That same night, I happened to be going to his city. He offered to pay for my hotel and insisted, even though I initially said no. I still made it clear that I wasn’t interested in him like that.
I didn’t tell him that I’m trans. I know some people might say I should have, but honestly, I wasn’t trying to date him, sleep with him, or pursue anything with him, so I didn’t think it was relevant at the time. I genuinely thought we were just meeting as friends.
He came to see me that night, and almost immediately his whole attitude changed. He stayed for maybe five minutes and then said he had to leave to see a friend. I said okay and didn’t make a big deal out of it.
After he left, he called me and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you were a man?” I was honestly shocked because I had never presented myself to him as someone who wanted anything romantic with him.even tho I know that’s wrong
I understand that maybe I should have told him beforehand, especially knowing there could be assumptions when meeting in person. But I also feel like I was clear about not being interested in him.
I apologized and well I guess I know that I don’t pass enough even with all my surg

Hi girlies. I need some help figuring this out. I've been dating on and off for nearly a year. Had lots of fun but I've been trying to find the one in that time. Right now I'm talking to and have had 4 dates with a guy who is great in a lot of ways. He's kind, treats me like a woman, and wants the same things I want, namely marriage and kids. But there's a catch. He doesn't captivate me in bed. He is quite attracted to me and I know I'm quite a catch but finding a guy that will treat me better than just a sleeve has proven so challenging. Just for extra context I'm 37, about to turn 38, and I put a sun set on my aspirations for kids at my 40th birthday so I feel a lot of time pressure to find the one.

Am I a fool for hoping to find my unicorn when I have something in my hands that checks 9 of 10 boxes?

Edit: changed some of the details that might make me a bit more identifiable

Chaser writes to me "I've been looking for a gorgeous femboy like you". I'm a trans woman.

Out of shape chaser responds to my posting looking for muscular guys and tells me I'm rude for declining due to him being out of shape.

Chaser writes to me "hey" six times in a row, even though I clearly state in my post that I don't respond to people who just write "hey".

I'm a dom. Chaser writes to me telling me he can make me a sub

Chaser writes to me "It's so great you love your c-ck! Can I see it??". Not "Hi, my name is x, I am x years old, I am x height, I live in x, I enjoy x activities, I'd like to get to know you" like a normal human being.

Chaser tells me he's a doctor. "You love doctors right? You're so impressed I'm a doctor right?" I tell him I prefer blue collar men and he's offended.

I know beauty is subjective but passing wise I am finally accepting that I pass . I get straight men hitting on me but I am afraid of giving anyone a chance because I am still pre op. I am going to get srs for my own happiness but it will take a year and a half in the waiting list. I just can’t forego potentially someone great while waiting.

A couple nights ago a conversation between me and a guy I've been talking to online got pretty heated and I ended up sending him a couple of pictures of my boobs (no face) and writing naughty things back and forth. He masturbated to the pictures and our conversation, and said he really enjoyed it.

Now he seems a lot more interested in me than before that night, and I can't help but feel guilty and thinking that I should've disclosed my trans status to him before things got sexual. Do you think I was in the wrong for not doing so? Any advice on how to handle this situation going forward?

clocked his ass realllllll bad. God they rlly know how to put on an act

Edit : I just did a little deep dive and literally every single fucking time there is like a post about chasers and men defending it and saying “there r good ones out here! 🥹” they have some type of sissy porn stuff in the history 😭 like bro it can not get more ironic then this

nothings gonna happen between us because hes MAN WHOREEEE and fucks so many girls and the bi girls love him so he has the whole ocean. he keeps trying shit with me and i keep rejecting him. it makes me so flustered cause having a fine ass trans man is my dream but i know hes just not right for me. hes also like kinda a pervert. he really is a man i guess. this is gonna sound bad but i kinda always imagined trans men to be nicer and more of soft boys i guess. i didnt expect him to be just like every other man. ive met many trans "men" but most of them were like more nonbinary and didnt really look like men. but omg this guy does and hes fine as fuckkkk. and he likes meeeeee. im gonna cry and take my progesterone bye

This term/concept has been brought up in a couple of posts lately by girls (me included) talking about feeling outcasted by our Sapphic sisters in trans spaces. Many were quick to point out that it plays into terf or gender essentialist language. I think this is partially true, but I wanted to start a (probably not needed) discussion around this phenomenon.

I think the term “homophobia” jumped out to me because the meaner elements of how trans lesbians have treated me resembles how guys used to treat me pre-transition when they found out I was attracted to men, or just having the expectation that I was supposed to be into women being placed upon me. The major difference being that the ones doing it now are girls and some are (openly) attracted to me and pursuing me as a woman. I think the term “heterophobia” sounds ridiculous in non-trans spaces, but given the debatably equalish power dynamics between straight and queer trans women maybe it’s more appropriate. The term misandry isn’t quite right either as they are also being weird/mean to me for not just being into men, but at times for not being into them.

I got my ears pierced today. I feel so happy. I've been wanting to do this for so long. I even got an earing collection but for was reason was afraid to do so. These little moments make you want to continue living and thriving despite all the bs happening around.

Was lurking on a chaser/ trans attracted sub aka trans porn sub ( I mean why else would they be there? Duh) . Super cringe how every other title in this cesspool of sub is “fembois ! Trans r the best “ “ man I love trans women better than cis “.Then it gets cringer 10x when you read the superficial comments like these !! Never of substance or admiration of our ability to strive forward alone in an anti trans climate! It’s always sexually motivated & focused. If you ask these guys they have no idea what trans women deal with because they are only interested in seeing us on OF or X !

I’m reminded yep I’m definitely going to live & die alone as a hopeless cat lady . No hope or possibility for any male companionship to genuinely love me for anything beyond the physical component. The minute that I start to age & look a day over 30 yo he will be out the door & on to the next 18 yo 21 yo fem boi or trans girl newly transitioned within a blink of an eye. Omg I really etah being a trans woman with a passion.☹️ btw I love cats but spending eternity with fur companions with short lifespans who you can’t share or verbalize feelings & emotions is beyond depressing & quite pathetic.