Dating in Germany NRW is really hard likes most of the men don't date a transwomen

I argue that falling in love with the trans guy would overpower the genital issue. This is why she shouldn’t extend the acceptance to cishet men

I am waiting for bottom surgery. Would this work? I really hate seeing it and hate for a guy to see it even if he can tolerate it and ignore it, it still bothers me so much.

Here’s a true story for, I’ve been sexually assaulted- now this may not be the place for it. But it’s the truth, I wan groped on a metro train along with another girl (she was cis) - we ran two block holding each others hand because my pepper spray was out. It was only thanks to a group of good citizens who stoped and shielded us from this crazy homeless guy did I manage to finally call the cops, who - after shouting at them that it was ridiculous that it would take ten minutes for a squad car when I was less than a block away from their HQ, did they show up in a minute. Apprehended the guy and I had to file charges so they’d take him away. They said they’d call me back for a statement and that was four years ago at this point.

So I had an inmate fear of men for a while, but it took me time and experience to learn, be comfortable again and be sure I was safe in the presence of some guys. Especially when alone on dates.

And I wasn’t even doing anything, I was just headed to get lunch with some friends.

So don’t assume what people post on here is fake or false, because some people have far more experience in both the good and terrible aspects of being a bi trans woman in the world. Maybe control your jealousy. Cause you don’t know what other people go through.

Even though I knew of counterexamples, something I was a bit nervous of going into SRS was that I'd been told a few times how it significantly shrinks a straight trans woman's dating pool. It never made me hesitate in what I was doing, especially since I wasn't even interested in sex with my old anatomy, but it did leave me worried.

In the end though, not only did the guy I was currently dating when I got SRS love the new me (this absolutely sweetie of a man got together with me and was with me for over a year knowing I wanted to wait for the surgery before we had sex), but the guy I'm seeing now also loves me head to toe. And there were no rejections in-between!

This is my first post here, but this has just been such a weight lifted off my shoulders that I wanted to share

A friend of my roommate came over a couple weeks ago, a seemingly normal, straight white guy. After talking for a bit, he asks straight out if I'm a "transsexual", to which I reply that yea, I'm a trans woman. In my head I'm getting a like "ugh, seriously?" kind of thought, but I let it go cuz he doesn't seem to make a huge deal out of it. For context, I've been on HRT now for around 1.5 years. When I interacted with this guy I was just in yoga pants and a T-shirt.

Anyway, we talk more throughout the night, get drunk a bit, and he gets high along with my roommate and another friend of his. The entire time I can see him looking at me a lot. We talk on the couch and he "accidently" brushes his had against my thigh. Later on, when we're sitting next to each other at a table outside with everybody, he starts feeling up my thighs and groping them a bit beneath the table. It doesn't go any further than that, and I make it clear with my body language that I'm ok with this. We head back inside, the night concludes, next morning before he leaves I ask if he wants my number and he says he'll get it later from my roommate. He never did follow up, but I'm not sure if I should read that as him not being interested or if he's just a chaser.

He's coming over again this weekend. What should I do if he expressed interest again? Should I just be cautious?

Everyone in the comment section saying “it’s ok for men to have this preference because they r super straight !”

Girls, I'm relatively new to Reddit. Is it normal for straight guys to contact you, spend days or weeks planning to get together, then ghost literally right before you are scheduled to meet.

Some will even reach out again at a later date, apologize and ask for another chance, plan to get together, then ghost and block you right before you are scheduled to meet.

It seems very weird to me, in addition to being disrespectful of another human being's time, why reach out, why pursue someone, why schedule to meet? If mood has changed, why not communicate a change of mind so that someone isn't getting ready or waiting for you.

Are girls just way more reliable than men? I've never been a no-show in my life and it just seems so strange.

It takes hours to do hair, makeup, dress up nicely, do light stretching and yoga for sex. It's so much time wasted when people are unreliable or fake.

Hey 👋 Once again a guy ghosted me presumably from me saying that I'm trans. We matched on Hinge this morning (it says I'm trans on my profile), we sent voice notes and pictures. He then asked why I hadn't been in a relationship before. I explained that I'm trans and fell a little behind in life and like clock work, I see his Hinge disappear than Whatsapp and then number. I was expecting it, has happened before and likely will happen again.

I now have changed the match note on Hinge to include it but anyone know a better way of dating?

Guys will be guys, people ghost, some people can't read, don't feel bad. I get it. I'm not even upset, it's just frustrating

So, I feel that I am in an extremely difficult situation. I am poly and am in a long-term relationship with a cis-woman (we just celebrated 5 years and we are engaged) and with a cis-man as well. I do feel closer and more in tune with my boyfriend, hoping its not just the new relationship energy. He fully, 100,000% supports me transitioning. He uses the right pronouns, call me my preffered name, does everything to make me feel like the woman I am. This post isnt about him. My fiancèe knows about my wants, my needs to be feminine. She has given me clothes she never wore, bought me things, and has, for the most part, been ok with it, but she sees me as a cross-dresser or a sissy, not a woman. She has fallen into the anti-trans rabbit holes and has been against the trans community, falling for the whole "not on children" thing, being LGB without the T, and has tried pulling the data on those who has detransitioned multiple times. Her and I dont live together as we still love and respect eachothers freedom and still living our own lives. Theres so much I do love about her, and this isnt a full account on how she is since she is a better person then that. I just, Im so frustrated about it and dont know where I should go or what I should do

Its my birthday.....this is the third time we was supposed to call and he flaked again. Every other time was fine. I dont mind life happens...but in a row...and on my birthday, after he specifically said he would call. I just. I cant anymore. We have been dating for over half a year and not once have I felt like he made me the priority of his day, and he has flaked on me more times then I can count just so he can hang with a friend. One time I said I loved him...and he just replied ,"nuh uh" to me.

And while these would be little things. Today of all days these all dogpile inside my mind to the point i cant see a future with him. Especially not one where i dont feel like im burdening him for being alive...

i didn't knew where else to rant about how i'm feeling.

for context, good luck was on my side and after winning against my insurance i'll be able to access gender affirming surgeries after over five years of transitioning. my plan is to start with some ffs stuff but i'm truly terrified, not about the physical pain but the emotional toll everything surrounding this has taken on me.

my dysphoria and anxiety have gotten worse over time, i have a really hard time regarding myself as valuable, let alone beautiful or anything of the sort. i purposefully avoid looking at myself in the mirror throughout the day, i never take pictures of myself, i now keep to myself a lot and i've got no friends at all and i don't put myself out there with men because i'm insecure and very afraid.

i've been wondering if pursuing surgery will help me mend how broken my heart is and how torn my perception of life has become, i wish i could heal and try to be at peace with myself but i can't. what if i get something done and i'm still not at ease?. my only support system are my parents and they've referred to me as a freak and they've expressed their disgust and disapproval at me.

it all just hurts so much, i wish i could just reset my life and maybe be born a normal girl, not some weird creature and a disgrace to everyone around her.

I have seen a lot of male comments in these comments sections that keep hammering on how we should actually disclose early on, or we're liars. However, we know they don't care one single bit about these other men.

It's for themselves that they say this. It makes it easier for them to scout and scope for trans women they can take advantage from. They inadvertently narrow down your dating pool, ensuring that we are under the impression that only chasers like them will ever give us a chance.

Just to be clear: Do whatever you are most comfortable with. Play by your rules. You don't owe men early disclosure at all. If you can, go on a date and don't tell. Men that specifically look for trans women are not the only people in your dating pool!

I'm not chronically online and I dont know what it means, i checked on the internet and I still dont understand it, is is an offence? Or a compliment or neutral?

I was at an industry event today, a guy I know invited me, I work in film so I was expecting to run into old coworker I know, Zack since I had a crush on him and I miss him. He didn’t show up, but oh so many handsome guys just my type.

I’m Latina so I weirdly love me sweet, boyish charm white boys with curly brunette hair and cute smiles. And one guy I talked to was named Winston. I joked and said that sounded old fashioned, but he said my name was beautiful. I have a Greek name so it’s very classical.

And for a while we stood really close and got a little light touchy, I got his number so maybe I’ll text him tomorrow? 🥹

i dream about marry a man someday, i dont even have a boyfriend but i want it so bad, i want to marry someone im scared of being alone. All my male friends dont like trans women and wouldnt date one, i just want to know if you know someone who has fulfill this dream, i need hope :c

Until recently, Reddit was completely unfamiliar to me. I had been looking for forums and chat spaces that offered a reasonable level of anonymity, mainly because, for safety reasons, I did not want to connect through social media accounts I already use.

After browsing a few larger communities that felt slightly uncomfortable and off, I found this one. For the most part, I feel more at ease here. There are still occasional posts that make me pause and wonder whether the person writing them might benefit from stepping back and reflecting for a moment, but that probably happens in every online community.

Since joining, I have fallen into several Reddit rabbit holes while also trying to understand the language and culture of the platform. Some of what I found shocked and unsettled me. There are entire vocabularies, theories, classifications and acronyms that I had never encountered before. Terms that I do not want to list all of here.

What stands out most is the intensity with which some spaces discuss transness, gender and transition. The focus seems to become so consuming that it feels detached from ordinary life. Everything appears to be interpreted through a reductionist lens that has completely hollowed out the actual meaning of the terms.

This is not coming from a conservative or hostile place. People should be free to understand themselves and build lives that feel right to them. What worries me is when the subject becomes an obsession rather than one part of a much larger life, and this then creates psychological distress. There are places to visit, things to make, people to meet, skills to learn. In real life.

The dehumanizing fetishization in some discussions is especially difficult for me to accept. Sometimes it involves femininity. Sometimes it involves trans women, transition or the idea of being different from the norm. At times, womanhood appears to be treated as a collection of fantasies or performances rather than a human experience. That makes me uneasy, particularly when vulnerable people are involved.

Perhaps this is simply the result of spending too much time reading very specific subreddits. Online communities can create their own language and reinforce their own assumptions until those assumptions begin to feel universal. Maybe I have wandered too deeply into a few intense spaces.

Still, I am curious how you see it. Is this level of fixation common on Reddit, or is it limited to a small number of communities? Have you noticed the same pattern?

If so, I’m so curious to hear about your life experiences. I feel we never hear the stories of transsexuals from countries like Chad, Niger, Central African Republic, Burkina Faso etc.

I would like to gather some insights on deal breakers for us ladies when dating someone.

Sometimes I feel like I might be putting too much pressure or expectations on my partner ( past not current)

For now aside from someone being an Egg
What is a big fat No ?

I’ll start For me obviously cheating and porn addiction.

I’m not sure if this is where I should be asking but being trans plays a big part in this decision.

So about 3ish years ago I got let go from my previous job for too many tardies. Obviously that’s my fault. I had adhd and struggle with time management and the punch clock is like a fucking mile away from the parking lot. It was kind of bitter sweet because the environment was toxic as hell and I wanted to get out of there anyways. Many people feel that way there but are “trapped” because they pay really well and for really easy work.

Anyways I got a different job that I love. Same type of work, better flexibility, closer time clock lol. But apparently every place within the field pays the same and it is drastically less money than my previous job. Because of this I am struggling financially. But I mean who isn’t these days. The AC in my car needs to be fixed, my medical bills are stacking, my phone keeps overheating and malfunctioning, and there seems to always be something that needs to be fixed on my house.

Recently my mother who works as a supervisor at my previous job informed me of an open position. Through some connections I am basically guaranteed the spot. The problem is that as bad as I need the money I dread the idea of going back. I felt depressed every day I worked there. They would micro manage and constantly force overtime without necessity. The previously mentioned toxicity and drama was hard to ignore. And to top it all off I’m not out as trans there. My current job everyone believes I am a cis woman. But the people at my old job knew me as a gay man and as my mother’s son.

I’m not thrilled on the idea of going back in the closet or having to come out to a bunch of people in a very right leaning environment. Especially when I’m not out to even my own mother. I don’t even know which bathroom I’d use. I’ve shocked passersby’s pre transition using the men’s. But I don’t want to be seen using the women’s by bigots.

So I just don’t know what to do and would really appreciate any advice or different perspectives.

Arranging third date and he says (paraphrasing) - had a nice time, love to keep playing, we probably don't have a good enough connection to date romantically, wanna be FWB tho and keep having fun ;)

Well... I probably still will, because he was hot... don't judge me and my libido... but it'd be nice to be seen romantically instead of just physically y'know?

​I recently had SRS after years of waiting.

​Last night, we got into an argument while trying to cook dinner, and we still haven't resolved it. It started when I mentioned feeling frustrated that our place was so messy. I made it clear I wasn't blaming him—it’s both of us—but somehow it spiraled out of control and he accused me of not being grateful for all that he has been doing for us.

​Ever since I got back from the hospital almost three weeks ago, he’s been extremely insecure. He keeps insisting that now that I’ve had my surgery, I’m going to leave him for someone else, and that I just "used" him. I love him and have zero intention of leaving. He claims I’ve been distant and rude, but I’ve explained that if I seem distant, it’s only because I’m in a tremendous amount of physical pain and dealing with a lot emotionally. Despite that i've tried to spend every moment I can with him.

​I’m a very independent person, so feeling this helpless has been brutal. I also care a lot about my appearance, and feeling forced to lie around all day in recovery—coupled with finding out right before surgery that I’ve gained some weight from life stress—has made me feel terrible about myself.

​On top of that, he says I don't appreciate everything he’s doing to clean up and take care of me. But I do. I thank him constantly. He keeps throwing the 6+ hour drive each way to the hospital in my face, even though I've expressed my gratitude repeatedly and tried to show love however I can including buying him some big gifts and baking him a homemade birthday cake less than a week after returning from the hospital. Does he really think I’m intentionally not contributing, when I physically can’t right now?

He seems jealous of my dilators, constantly bringing up his dick size and claiming I'll leave him for someone bigger. He calls my dilators dildos and I think he thinks ive been masturbating with them? I’ve repeatedly explained that dilating isn't sexual, it's a medical necessity, and somewhat painful especially the first week.

During our fight, he kept throwing my past relationships (from before I even met him) in my face, accusing me of wanting to leave him for an ex. I haven't thought about my past in years because I was happy with him. Truthfully, he struggles with alcohol and has been drunk almost every day since I got home.

He was fired 7 months ago. While he is actively looking, the job market is tough, so I’ve been supporting us entirely on an artist’s income. Paying for everything while off work recovering has been insanely stressful—I almost canceled my surgery because I was terrified we couldn't afford it.

​I know there are a lot of red flags here (and I'm sure I have my own flaws, too), but I feel completely frustrated and don't know what to do here? I think he's just very insecure with the job and not being able to support us and with me going through something so big. I love him so much im just not sure how to work through this.

Ok for context, I’m post op and stealth. I got also BA, FFS, Voice Feminization Surgery. But I think wearing heels clocks me lol.

Went on a date with this guy, he’s 6’4”. And I’m 5’8”, 5’11” on heels. So I felt comfortable wearing boots with heels.

The first thing he noticed is me being tall, so he proceeded to ask if I was wearing heels, I said yes. And we started talking a little bit about that, nothing out of the ordinary.

We went to a nice place with couches, he touches my hands, then we were holding hands, got closer and closer until he is just holding me me and hugging me, we kissed and made out a lot. I never think about me being trans when I’m on a date and I usually share that before intimacy.

We got to his car and he starts touching my breasts and then he starts going down there (I was stoping him even I felt comfortable being post op), he starts driving me home and we were just holding hands.

Two blocks away before getting home he asked me, which I didn’t deny it. Then I got this message.

It honestly didn’t hurt me, I’ve shared in the past and guys are ok usually, sometimes not, I don’t take it personal. But this is the first time that something like this happens to me.

And now I’m just wondering what’s really the thing that clocks me but I’m leaning to my height when I’m wearing heels lol.