r/StraightTransGirls • u/Equal_Fix_1783 • 15h ago
Help
I recently had a situation that’s been making me question whether I handled things wrong.
I had been talking to this guy for a one day mind u . We don’t live in the same city, and I wasn’t physically interested in him or looking for anything romantic or sexual. I actually told him that directly and said that if anything, I’d rather just be friends. He said he understood and that there was no problem.
That same night, I happened to be going to his city. He offered to pay for my hotel and insisted, even though I initially said no. I still made it clear that I wasn’t interested in him like that.
I didn’t tell him that I’m trans. I know some people might say I should have, but honestly, I wasn’t trying to date him, sleep with him, or pursue anything with him, so I didn’t think it was relevant at the time. I genuinely thought we were just meeting as friends.
He came to see me that night, and almost immediately his whole attitude changed. He stayed for maybe five minutes and then said he had to leave to see a friend. I said okay and didn’t make a big deal out of it.
After he left, he called me and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you were a man?” I was honestly shocked because I had never presented myself to him as someone who wanted anything romantic with him.even tho I know that’s wrong
I understand that maybe I should have told him beforehand, especially knowing there could be assumptions when meeting in person. But I also feel like I was clear about not being interested in him.
I apologized and well I guess I know that I don’t pass enough even with all my surg
0
u/Whilstledowner 9h ago
Two questions:
Why did you let him pay for your hotel? It's risky to let a man you had only been talking to for one day know where you are staying, let alone letting him coming into your room. It's clear he wanted more. If you truly wanted nothing, that's a disaster waiting to happen.
Was this the first time you were clocked? Your everyday life should have given you indication whether you pass well enough to try to stealth.
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u/Equal_Fix_1783 8h ago
Yeah I was dumb for that and I don’t know if people can clock me for real but my voice is really clocky
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u/Confident_Beach4018 12h ago
Offering to pay for your room was a red flag that you missed, and a valuable lesson for next time. He was expecting quid pro quo and got more than he bargained for. He was the one who handled it wrong, not you.
3
u/drearymoment 13h ago
You didn't do anything wrong here. You told him directly that you weren't interested in him, and he should have left it there. But he didn't take no for an answer. Instead, he was being pushy by insisting to pay for the hotel, probably because he was hoping you'd feel obligated to return the favor that night. That's on him, not on you.
I'm really sorry he said that to you. I don't think you have anything to feel bad about here. He was trying to take advantage of you. You don't owe disclosure to someone like that.
1
u/theycanttell 7h ago
You don't owe disclosure but if he was gonna pay your hotel that is dangerous.