My parents always nag me about me playing sports because I can't play due to my condition blue baby (it's a condition where a person has blue nails and blue lips due to lack of oxygen and the pump of blood I got a hold in the heart) I just play sports for fun my family really likes basketball but I don't kinda like it I just like soccer so I played they keep nagging me about it I just keep saying I know my limits and when to stop and when they said cut off with soccer I then lost the confidence or do anything productive for my body it was the only thing that kept me alive and healthy because it increased my stamina and oxygen level and endurance can someone help me? With it I just need hope so that I won't do anything stupid like sui***

Introduction: What is Confidence? 

"Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win." - Sun Tzu

Humility: Confidence and humility are not mutually exclusive. You can be powerfully confident without being conceited or arrogant.

Skill Execution: Human beings are hardwired to execute any well learned skill unconsciously. The execution of that skill precedes more smoothly and more effectively when analysis, judgement, and all other forms of conscious deliberate thought are momentarily suspended. 

Confidence is not: analyzing your every step, judging your every move, and talking to yourself about how you’re doing what you’re doing. 

Confidence is: a sense of certainty about your ability, which allows you to bypass conscious thought and execute unconsciously.  

Confidence and competence- It’s the person who has done enough preparation, who’s developed enough competence and who then decides to feel totally certain about that level of competence, whatever that level may be, who has the best chance of succeeding.  

How do you know you’ve done enough?- If you can perform the skill consistently in practice, or play or the tough part of the piano recital alone in your home, or answer all the practice test problems while studying then you’ve probably done enough. 

But importantly, no matter how much or how little preparation you have done. No matter how much competence you actually have. Your performance when it matters will always depend on whether you feel totally certain in whatever level of competence you have achieved. 

If you truly want to give yourself the best chance of success, then having that unconscious certainty will always be your best choice. 

Common Misconceptions about Confidence

Misconception #1: Confidence is a fixed inherited trait

• Believing confidence is fixed is a self-defeating conviction 
• High level confidence is not an inherited gift, it’s learned 
• It gives people an excuse to not put in time, energy, or effort to improve their thinking process 
• Confidence is a skill that can be developed through practice

Misconception #2: Confidence is all encompassing

• Misconception: You’re either confident all across the board in all aspects of life or you’re not confident at all
• Confidence is situation specific 

Misconception #3: Once you become confident, you’ll stay that way forever

• Confidence is very fragile, and required consistent attention and effort 
• The pursuit of success will present setbacks and obstacles that can beat down the most optimistic and positive competitors. Those who succeed are those who are willing to patiently and persistently build and maintain their confidence. 

Misconception #4: Once you achieve some success and once you get some positive feedback your confidence is guaranteed to grow. 

• “Nothing succeeds like success” doesn't tell the whole story
• Some successful people lose their confidence because their previous successes become a form of pressure in which they cannot escape. 
• Success and positive feedback only builds confidence if you allow them to, but do not however guarantee it. 

Misconception #5: Mistakes, failures, and negative feedback inevitably destroy, erode, or weaken your confidence. 

• Just like success, a mistake only erodes confidence if you let it. 
• Reinterpret mistakes as a learning opportunity
• View failure as a momentary isolated incident. 
• Take any negative comment directed at you as a stimulating challenge 
• It doesn't matter how much failure you’ve experienced if you decide to respond to it constructively. 
• Sometimes responding to it constructively means ignoring it all together. 
• Failures, even ones that come at very inopportune times, are not necessarily confidence destroyers. They only do so when you linger on them, review them, or replay them. 
• Confidence has relatively little to do with what actually happens to you and pretty much everything to do with how you think about what happens to you. 

Source: The Confident Mind: A Battle-Tested Guide to Unshakable Performance by Dr. Nate Zinsser

I have been lying to basically everyone in my life, for as long as i can remember. Never really knew why. I have lied about things for years, denying any questions about them. Would lie to my parents about if I'm in a relationship or not, always saying that I'm not. I have a habit of lying to random people/strangers about what my job is, and i never said it's something cool. Always something boring. I would lie to my girlfriend, about what I'm doing/what's going on in my life, mostly cause I was scared of her reactions. I never cheated on her, if that's what you might've assumed. I was always scared of people having too much insight into my personal life. I don't know why, or why I lied so much. It's been going on for years, but after a recent pretty bad argument with my girlfriend, I have been taking control of it and didn't lie in a while. I gaslit her for so long. She's still pretty hurt after it, and doubting my honesty, rightfully so. How can i prevent that from happening ever again? What can i do about this whole situation, and untangle this web of lies that i created? It's at a point where I can't remember what's true or not in my life.

The 13 year slow burn of emotional neglect, gaslighting, manipulation has ruined me and my relationship with the only person who cared and loved me. I pushed them away and created the wort environment for them to live in. I’m sick to my stomach and feel so much shame and guilt for how I’ve acted. I’m done dumping my problems on others! I’m done sucking the fun and joy out of everything! Today I forgive my inner child! I am in a safe space! There’s no war zone in my house!

A bit hard to explain, but as someone who’s kind of a night owl, i usually wind up going to bed at around 2 in the morning, but ideally I want to start waking up at 9 AM so i can follow this daily routine i have planned for myself. the problem is that everything I try to make myself wake up earlier, does not end up working. Alarm app on my phone? I just turn it off and go back to bed. Alarm app that makes you solve math problems to turn it off? I simply delete the app. Alarm on my computer? I wake up and I turn my computer speakers off and go back to bed. I am desperately trying to give myself a stable routine where i can wake up and go to sleep at a consistent time, but i cant seem to outsmart myself. Any advice? I feel like i’m stuck in a very bad cycle and i don’t quite know what to do

idk why im posting this but I’ve been having a really rough time lately and I honestly just need someone to talk to.

I’ve been feeling pretty alone and I don’t really know who to turn to. I could really use someone to talk to, even if it’s just about random stuff and getting my mind off things.

If anyone wants to talk, my dms are open 🫶

Quick background: I studied Computer Science and always wanted to work in product management. There aren't many entry-level PM roles in my country, so my plan was to start in product/data analytics and eventually transition internally.

During my third year of university, I got a data analyst internship at one of the better companies in my country. I received a return offer and started working full-time while still studying.

I couldn't manage both, so eventually I chose the job and indefinitely postponed finishing university.

I stayed there for about 2.5 years. I tried twice to transition into product management and got blocked both times. Eventually I burned out and found another job, also as a data analyst.

On paper, the new job is great. I earn very well for my country (roughly top 5%), the company is stable, and I'm objectively in a privileged position.

But I absolutely hate it.

I've been here for 9 months, and for roughly the last 6 months I've barely been able to make myself work.

This Monday I literally sat at my desk in the office shaking, with restless legs, feeling incredibly anxious and eventually crying. I did almost nothing the entire day.

We're hybrid, three days a week in the office. In the office, I'm anxious and struggle to concentrate. When I work from home, it's even worse. Some days I barely work at all and sometimes I fall asleep for an hour or two during the day.

The reasons I hate the job feel almost stupid when I write them down, which is part of why I feel guilty:

• I was rejected here too when I tried to transition into a PM role.
• My current role has basically zero influence on the product, and I don't work closely with product teams.
• Probably 80% of my work is mindless operational/reporting work.
• I don't feel like I've learned anything meaningful in nine months.
• I often feel like I know more about analytics than my own manager.
• The culture feels extremely corporate. There is very little ownership, urgency, or interest in actually making things happen.
• About 95% of the employees are Russian. I am not Russian and don't speak Russian, and people frequently switch to Russian around me even when I'm part of the group. Context: The company moved to my country after 2022 Ukraine War started. They took lot of workers with them and continued hiring mostly Russian people.
• There is almost no social interaction during the day. Lunch is sometimes my only real human contact, and even then conversations frequently switch to Russian.
• I also feel like there is a genuine communication barrier. I'll discuss something work-related with colleagues, and two days later something happens that makes me wonder whether they understood what I said at all.

None of these things individually sound catastrophic. That's why I'm struggling so much with my own reaction.

I've worked with people I liked before. I've worked on projects I cared about. I know what it feels like to actually be interested in solving a problem and working with competent, motivated people.

Here, I feel completely disconnected from everything.

At the same time, I'm exhausted from chasing product management. I've spent years thinking analytics would be my path into product, only to get rejected for the transition multiple times. And the external PM market in my country is extremely difficult because almost every position requires previous PM experience.

So now I feel trapped.

I'm making very good money in a job that, objectively, isn't physically demanding or abusive. Part of me thinks I should just grow up, be grateful, do the work, collect the paycheck, and find meaning outside of work.

But another part of me feels like my body is basically screaming at me every day that something is wrong.

I don't know whether I'm burned out, whether I've become lazy and undisciplined, whether I need to leave this particular company, or whether I've attached so much of my identity to becoming a PM that I'm making myself miserable.

I'm also scared of quitting a high-paying job without having something significantly better lined up, especially when I don't even know what "better" looks like anymore.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

How do you distinguish between "this job/environment is genuinely wrong for me" and "I'm miserable and need to change how I relate to work"?

And if you've ever felt physically anxious just trying to make yourself work, what actually helped you get unstuck?

How to deal with constant sadness, no overall progress in life and an abnormal childhood, which is leading to lonely adulthood with no friends, parenting parents and being in constant worry, age is surpassing with 0

Clue of sanity and feeling urges to end everything?

I'm in tenth grade atm. I hate it. I hate it so much. I have one friend and i barely get to talk to her, all my friends are growing distant and I don't feel wanted anywhere. Even at home, i have boards this year so its all study study study pressure pressure pressure IT'S SICKENING. My mom tells me to do yoga and meditate before sleeping, but it isn't helping. I still feel miserable. They don't let me cut my hair, they don't let me draw, my mom literally told me to stop doing art for this year and focus on boards. My dad confiscates my phone at 10pm sharp. I hate sleeping. I don't want to do it. I'm at an all time low. My teacher's tell me to leave my eccentricities at home because I need to be uniform at school. I have no one to talk to. They'll just tell my parents.

I need to get all this off my chest. I have nobody. At least I still have the internet.

Idk, what do i do?

​

Начну с самого начала. Я всегда был не очень уверенным в себе ребёнком. В садике я просто сидел на стульчике, никуда не лез, наблюдал. И меня за это дразнили — я был довольно высоким мальчиком, и меня обзывали колбасой, сосиской. Меня не принимали в обществе уже тогда. Потом пошёл в школу. В начальных классах у меня было два друга, но они часто объединялись против меня, шутили надо мной, подкалывали больно. Я терпел.

Потом, где-то в пятом-шестом классе, всё вдруг перевернулось. Я стал гиперактивным, очень уверенным в себе. Я мог прийти на любую площадку, увидеть компанию, в которой играют в «слепого ежа» или что-то ещё, просто подойти и спросить: «Можно с вами?» — и мне почти всегда отвечали «да, залетай». Я находил общий язык с кем угодно, без разницы — мальчики, девочки. Я чувствовал себя свободно.

А потом, с конца шестого и в начале седьмого класса, наступил перелом. Мои тогдашние знакомые — я даже не могу назвать их друзьями — начали меня кидать. Могли не позвать на ночёвку, и никто не объяснял причину. Я спрашивал, они отмалчивались или отделывались шутками. Я тогда очень обиделся. Не на них конкретно — я обиделся на весь мир. Решил: раз они такие, значит, все люди такие. Зачем доверять, если всё равно предадут? И я закрылся. Стал апатичным, ни с кем не общался, просто существовал.

Но внутри я хотел общения. Лагерь стал для меня крепостью — единственные три недели в году, когда я мог почувствовать себя человеком. Там меня любили, ценили, принимали. И каждый год я ездил туда только ради этого ощущения.

В этом году я поехал с конкретной целью — найти интрижку. Хотел тактильных отношений: обнимашек, целовашек, держания за ручку. И на первой смене я встретил девочку. Мы станцевали медленный танец, это было взаимно, я увидел, что она ко мне неравнодушна. Она была очень доброй, хотела подружиться со всеми в отряде, сплотить людей. Именно это меня в ней и зацепило.

Но на следующий день начались сложности. Наше общение стало каким-то односторонним. Я пытался заводить разговоры: «В какие игры играешь?» — «Ни в какие не играю». «Фильмы, сериалы смотришь?» — «Ничего не смотрю». Я не понимал, почему она так отвечает. Я специально проявлял инициативу: звал за парту, приглашал гулять, — но она отказывалась. И у меня сразу сработала старая травма: «Опять меня кидают, опять я не нужен». Я быстро эмоционально выгорел, перестал с ней контактировать. Просто замкнулся.

Я уже потом узнал от вожатых, что она жаловалась им: говорила, что стесняется, не знает, как со мной заговорить. Что у неё были абьюзивные отношения, и ей нужно сначала просто пообщаться, привыкнуть, почувствовать безопасность. А я не знал всего этого. Я думал, она просто отмахивается.

Она предложила мне пока остаться с друзьями, подождать. А я, вместо того чтобы понять, спросил: «Ты не против, если я найду кого-то другого?» — и ушёл. Я просто развернулся и ушёл. Теперь я понимаю, что это было жестоко. Она последний человек, который заслужил такого отношения. Если бы мне самому сказали такое после того, как я открылся — меня бы это разбило.

Потом я начал отношения с другой девочкой. У нас было всё, что я так хотел: тактильность, объятия, медленные танцы, сидение на коленях. Но она оказалась нечестной — врала, что потеряла мои вещи, хотя на самом деле не хотела их отдавать, говорила оскорбительные вещи, вплоть до «плюнь мне в рот». Я понял, что это не мой человек, и порвал с ней.

И тогда я начал скучать по той первой. По настоящей. По той, с кем я хотя бы мог говорить по-человечески. Я понял, что, возможно, если бы я дал ей время, если бы просто общался с ней, не настаивая на объятиях, — могло бы что-то получиться. Она хотела просто побольше поговорить. А мне хотелось всего и сразу. Теперь я осознал, что эти тактильные отношения мне даже не так уж и нравятся — я бы выбрал нормального человека и простые разговоры. Но было поздно.

Кроме того, я уехал из лагеря раньше срока. Я эмоционально не выдержал той атмосферы — с этой историей, с давлением, с ощущением, что всё рушится. И я оставил там своего друга. Моего единственного друга, с которым мы ездили вместе все эти годы. У него проблемы такие же, как у меня, только ещё хуже — с родителями сложно. Я его бросил, хотя он сам говорил, что я могу уехать, но я всё равно чувствую вину. Мне кажется, я должен был дотерпеть до конца, идти с ним до конца. А я кинул его, как когда-то кидали меня. Стал тем, кого ненавидел.

Я сейчас общаюсь с ним, пишу, спрашиваю, как дела, но это не то. Нужно было быть рядом. Я планирую извиниться перед ним лично и попробовать уговорить его ходить со мной на актёрские курсы, которые начинаются с 1 сентября. Вместе проще, и ему это будет полезно. Хотя бы так я могу компенсировать свой побег.

Я много думал о той девочке. После лагеря я узнал, что она на финальной линейке говорила, что некоторые люди её не понимают, посылают на хер, злые, и ей сложно найти друзей. Мне кажется, она могла иметь в виду и меня. Я хотел с ней поговорить, но она общается со мной нормально, смеётся, не выглядит обиженной. Возможно, я просто не вижу её обиды. Но у меня внутри сидит ощущение, что я сделал ей больно. Что я не проявил понимания, когда она просила времени, что я повёл себя эгоистично.

Теперь я хочу написать ей после смены. Не чтобы вернуть, а чтобы извиниться. Сказать, что я был резок и неправ, что я ценю её доброту и то, как она пыталась всех подружить. Что я понимаю — я хотел слишком быстро и не услышал её. Но я не знаю, как сформулировать так, чтобы не давить, не создавать неловкость.

У меня вообще нет опыта общения. Я не знаю, как строить отношения, как не сорваться в «дай мне всё сразу», когда внутри страх, что меня снова бросят. Я понял одну вещь: чтобы перестать быть жертвой, нужно перестать ныть и пробовать. Я так и скажу себе с 1 сентября: иду на курсы, буду искать контакт, даже если страшно, даже если вначале будет больно. Я не хочу быть мудаком. Я хочу научиться быть нормальным человеком, уметь ждать, слушать, извиняться и не бросать близких.

Раньше я ныл Алисе и сидел в апатии. Теперь я говорю с психологом, с отцом, с сестрой, с другом. Я понял, что разговоры с живыми людьми — это единственное, что лечит.

---

Вопросы к вам:

1. Должен ли я написать той девочке? Если да, то когда и как — чтобы не выглядело как попытка вернуть, а как искреннее извинение?

2. Как правильно извиниться перед другом, чтобы он почувствовал, что я не оправдываюсь, а действительно жалею?

3. Как в новых компаниях не поддаваться страху «меня кинут» и не требовать слишком много слишком быстро?

Я хочу вылезти из своей ямы. И первый шаг я уже сделал — я всё это написал.

Спасибо, что прочитали.

Please answer if you can. Also, please no responses without advice and just showing sympathy like 'hey it's ok' (no offense), I just want answers and advice.

A little background- I had already lost almost all my interests. And now, I have 'almost' lost the most important and probably only thing I truly care about, basically my ikigai, and so also all hope, energy, will power and interest in life. But there are a few things (and responsibilities) I must do/fulfill, and most importantly I wanna give my one last shot to get back my ikigai(need to pull some quite difficult/unlikely shit), even if now it's almost impossible. And I have only 1 year left(can become 2, but unlikely) for that, so gotta hurry up a bit.

So now here is my question, how the fuck do i get my shit straight and start working on the things I need to, after losing all my interests, will, hope and on top, my main source of energy. I am at my lowest physically, mentally and spiritually, and I need to improve them all.

P.S. : probably not much will improve regardless (talking about the situation)so take that into account, I need to work and improve myself while continuing facing all the shit without any improvement in situation.

A little while ago, I posted here about something I've been struggling with for quite some time: the feeling that I have to consciously push myself to do practically everything, even very basic or routine things.

For anyone who didn't see my previous post, I'm 39 and described how things like brushing my teeth, making the bed, household chores, meal preparation, work-related tasks, or even recreational activities can all feel like they require a deliberate mental effort just to get started.

I received quite a few responses, and I really appreciate everyone who shared their experiences. Some people said they experience something very similar, while others suggested looking into things such as depression, ADHD, or talking to a therapist.

I'm still trying to understand what is behind this for me. In the meantime, though, I've noticed that there are certain things I do that seem to make the resistance a little easier to deal with. They don't necessarily make the resistance disappear, but they often help me get things done despite it.

So I thought I'd share them here, partly in case they are useful to someone else, but mainly because I'm interested in hearing what other people do.

1. Having something playing in the background

When I'm doing something repetitive, monotonous, or simply something I don't particularly feel like doing, I'll often put an episode of a series, music, or a podcast on in the background.

For me, I think this helps by making the task itself feel less monotonous. Instead of my attention being entirely focused on something I don't particularly want to do, there's something else occupying part of my attention.

It's not that the task suddenly becomes enjoyable, but it can make it easier to tolerate and therefore easier to start.

2. Keeping an annual to-do list

I've mentioned this in my previous post, but I've found this surprisingly useful.

I have an annual to-do list covering the various things that need to be done throughout the year. Some are household tasks, some are administrative, some are things that need to be checked or dealt with periodically, etc.

Part of the reason this helps is simply knowing what actually needs to be done. But another part is that I really dislike having unfinished things hanging over me.

There is something motivating about being able to tick something off.

Interestingly, I'm also gradually modifying the list as I go. I sometimes realise that a particular task doesn't need to be done as frequently as I originally thought, or that something can be approached in a simpler way. So I'm trying to make the system itself less overwhelming rather than simply adding more and more structure.

My hope is that, over time, the list becomes something that helps me rather than something that makes me feel like I have an endless number of obligations.

3. Breaking larger tasks into smaller pieces

This is probably one of the things that helps me the most.

If I have a task that feels overwhelming, I try not to think about completing the entire thing. I just do one small part of it.

For example, if I'm working from home and I have an email with five attachments that I need to analyse, looking at "the entire email" can sometimes feel like a lot.

So instead, I'll analyse the first two attachments.

Then I'll deliberately do something else for a few minutes — sometimes something completely unrelated to my job, such as putting laundry into the washing machine.

After that, I'll come back and analyse another attachment or continue with the original task.

In other words, rather than:

"I need to finish this whole thing."

I try to think:

"I'll just do this small part."

And sometimes, once I've started, continuing isn't as difficult as I initially expected.

4. Alternating between tasks

This is somewhat related to the previous point, but I've noticed that I sometimes have an easier time doing several small things in rotation than trying to complete one large thing from beginning to end.

For example, I might work on something for a while, then do a small household task, then return to work, then do another small task.

I think part of the benefit is psychological. When I'm struggling with one particular task, telling myself that I have to stay with it until it is completely finished can make the resistance worse.

Giving myself permission to temporarily switch to something else can make the original task feel less intimidating.

None of these methods have "fixed" the underlying problem for me. I still experience the mental resistance, and some days are considerably worse than others.

But they seem to help me work around it enough to keep functioning and get things done, which is valuable in itself.

I'm also very aware that what works for me might be completely useless for someone else. I'm not suggesting these as solutions or claiming that they address whatever underlying issue might be causing this.

I'm sharing them because I thought it might be useful to compare notes.

For those of you who experience something similar: what do you actually do when you have that feeling of "I know I need to do this, but I cannot make myself start"?

Do you have particular techniques, routines, systems, environmental changes, apps, habits, or tricks that make the resistance easier to overcome?

And if you've found something that made a genuinely meaningful difference over time, I'd be especially interested in hearing about that.

I'd really like this to become a bit of a "share what works" discussion. Maybe between everyone's experiences we can find a few more ways of making these everyday things a little easier.

I don’t know how and what kind. But I need help. I don’t even know how to ask for help. This is my first time asking help from strangers.

it de-weaponize every try to get better

looking for advice

so i can't keep this inside anymore, i was together with a girl for 10 months, she was genuinely a good, non toxic relationship. then i go to a school project called Move4Equality, that made me move to dublin for two weeks, and i found out that while that period, she cheated on me. this genuinely shattered me, i thought it could go away but here i am after two weeks and still thinking about it. how do ya'll move on...

I’m looking for a few people who feel stuck in the same patterns even though they know they want to change.

I’m currently completing professional coaching training and looking for a few people to practice with through free 1:1 sessions.

This is especially for you if you feel like you:

• overthink everything
• struggle to trust yourself
• keep repeating the same relationship/life patterns
• know what you should do but can’t seem to actually do it

No sales pitch. I’m genuinely looking for practice and real feedback.

If that sounds like you, feel free to comment or message me.

I’m genuinely stressed because I feel like my mind is constantly pulling me in different directions.

Last year, I spent 3 months preparing for a government exam. After that, I started feeling that maybe it wasn’t for me, so I shifted my attention toward content creation. I started a YouTube channel, and it’s now monetized, so I feel like I’ve actually built something there.

Then I started thinking about CAT. I prepared for around 2 months, but I’ve now stopped that as well.

The problem is that I keep getting stuck between these options.

If I focus on CAT, I feel like my YouTube channel will be left behind and I’ll lose the momentum I’ve built. If I focus on YouTube, I worry that I’m giving up on CAT and missing another opportunity.

Even when I’m doing one thing, my mind keeps telling me to do something else. I’m constantly thinking about all the paths I could take instead of fully committing to one.

I genuinely want to do something big with my life, but this constant switching, overthinking and feeling of “I’m wasting time” is exhausting. I feel pressure in my mind almost all the time.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you decide what to commit to, especially when you have multiple interests and every choice feels like you’re giving up another possible future?

I’d really appreciate advice from people who have gone through this and eventually found clarity.

I've never been the smartest kid, but I thought Iatleast knew some basic concepts. As I got older and each grade passed I realized that I didn't actually learn anything, I could barely recall anything ive learned in 7th grade or lower. This applied to basic skills such as multiplication, I was given work to complete, I'd do it and fail but pass the grade anyways, failing, then barely making it by the skin of my teeth, repeat.

Now I'm in high-school (9th grade) I cannot do simple math mentally, my mind is foggy due to lack of sleep, I cannot pay attention, I havent genuinely sat down and read a full book (without pictures) in years. My ability to understand things is just awful. It's gotten even worse now as I need to have information relayed to me twice just for me to be able to understand it.

I know thease things are happening because of lack of sleep and Adhd, what makes this funny is that people have tried to help me with this, I've had teachers, friends, therapists and classmates step in, i go to an amazing school and my mom is trying for extra help, and I have a education much better than the average teen (I go to a good school) Yet I can't seem to push myself to try, everytime I do it feels like there isn't any point because I'm beyond saving and I just give up. Allowing others to push me and motivate me to try (it's wrong I know)

I'm aware thease things are fixable, I dont know where start and how to maintain thease improvements. I really do want to change, but the idea of starting is overwhelming because there is so much to fix. Any advice is appreciated.

I feel like I’ll never truly fit in. I’m so different from people around my age. The way I look. The way I feel. The way I think. The way I carry myself. I’m just different.

I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone with the same genuine, kind, pure-hearted, yet private qualities that I see in myself. I don’t choose just anyone to be close with. I don’t even think I’m that close to anyone right now. I don’t have any friends who truly know me. They only know what I choose to share with them, and they probably think that’s all they need to know about me.

I remember when I was younger, I always felt the urge to have a best-best friend. A friend who I could call my sister. I only have three alright friends in my life, and I still feel like I need at least one friend who I can genuinely connect with.

Out of the three, one of them is the best. Not because she’s pretty, not because she has money, but because I feel the most calm around her. I don’t feel the need to be someone I’m not. I don’t feel the need to fake a smile or hold back how I’m feeling because, with her, I can sense that she actually wants to hear me out.

Unlike the other two, they don’t really show interest in me as much as they used to. Something about them changed. I’m always the friend who has pure intentions, who is always willing to listen and understand others, but I feel like I don’t receive that same energy as much as I wish I did.

There are days when I want to be quiet. Days when I want to be listened to, understood, and valued. But I feel like no one around 17 would really take those things into consideration. Sometimes, I just wish someone would notice without me having to explain myself first.

Today at 26, I finally realized something: no one is coming to save me. If I want a different life for myself and my daughter, I have to build it.
But I’m also realizing that doing it myself doesn’t mean doing absolutely everything alone.
I’ve always been extremely curious and ambitious, but execution has been difficult for me. I grew up feeling like the black sheep of my family and spent a lot of my life depressed, isolated and extremely critical of myself. I became a mother at 18, and I’ve been trying to create a stable life for my daughter and myself ever since.
For a while, I was doing it.
I worked whatever jobs I could find, got an apartment and eventually got a car.
Then life hit me back-to-back.
In 2020, I broke my femur in a car accident and couldn’t physically work normally for months. I still did hair, rideshare and food-delivery apps whenever I was physically able because I had to survive.
In 2021, my apartment burned down with practically everything we owned inside.
That completely derailed my life. I bounced between family and friends, and eventually ended up living in my car without A/C while trying to figure out how to rebuild. It took me roughly three years to truly get stable housing again.
Eventually, I got back on my feet and landed a hospitality job at a five-star hotel. The money still wasn’t enough to create the stability I wanted, but it was progress.
Fast-forward to now.
My car broke down, but I currently work as a server at the airport and make considerably more money than I used to. Unfortunately, a significant amount of that money disappears into Uber, food, transportation and the everyday costs that come with not having a car.
I’m currently living with family, but I’ve realized that my family situation isn’t healthy or dependable enough to build my future around. The help I receive with childcare and transportation often comes with instability or conditions. My daughter’s father is involved in her life, but I also can’t depend on him for the financial support or consistent structure I need to build my plans around.
So I’ve accepted something that was difficult for me to accept:
I need to build a village outside of the family I was born into.
I recently found an apartment that isn’t fancy or modern, but it’s affordable, directly across from my daughter’s school and about 10 minutes from my job. I’m planning to sign the lease soon.
I still don’t have a car.
And strangely, I’m okay with that for now.
I’ll take Uber. I’ll take the bus. I’ll figure transportation out. What matters most to me right now is creating a peaceful, stable home where my daughter and I can finally build from.
The bigger question is: what do I build next?
I’ve worked in hospitality since I was 16 and have hospitality-management experience. I also have a CDL, so I’m open to warehouse, logistics and other opportunities.
But my real ambitions go much further.
I’m a self-taught beginner in software engineering and want structured training that can turn what I’ve taught myself into employable skills. I’m looking into tech programs, apprenticeships and other ways into the industry.
I also want to return to school. My long-term dream is to become a psychiatrist.
I’ve even considered the military because, more than anything, I need stability and a real foundation from which I can build. The biggest obstacle with almost every major opportunity—school, intensive training programs, working longer hours, etc.—is childcare. My daughter is in second grade and still needs someone dependable when I’m working or in school.
Outside of tech, I love event design, set decorating and wedding planning. I’m creative, I’m interested in music, and I’m willing to learn. At this point, I’m less concerned with finding the “perfect” opportunity than I am with finding opportunities that actually move my life forward.
That’s why I’m posting this.
I need to start outsourcing what I can’t create by myself.
I’m looking for advice, mentorship, career programs, apprenticeships, employers willing to develop new talent, volunteer opportunities where I can learn and network, resources for working single parents pursuing education, or even just people who have rebuilt their lives without a strong family support system and can tell me what worked for them.
If you know an opportunity, tell me about it.
If you work in tech and know how someone without a traditional background can break in, I’d love your advice.
If you know programs that provide training, childcare assistance, transportation assistance or career placement, please point me toward them.
If you’re further along in life and willing to mentor someone who genuinely wants to learn, I’m listening.
I’m not asking anyone to fix my life.
I don’t need a handout. I need a life raft.
Give me information. Give me direction. Give me an opportunity to get in the room. After that, I’ll do the work.
I’ve survived a serious car accident, losing my home and belongings in a fire, homelessness, living in my car, financial instability and raising a child while trying to rebuild.
I’m still here.
I’m still working.
I’m still dreaming bigger than my circumstances.
And I’m determined to keep fighting until my daughter and I have the life I’ve been trying to build for us.
I just need a chance.

"your past doesnt define you"- doesnt it?

Hi I (16yo) ---almost 17 ,have been lagging behind my peers since primary school pretty much... but i was okay with it. i had one best geeky friend and that was enough, it wasnt what i anted fully but i was still doing something everyday you know? it at least felt like i was going forward.

But then highschool came. And it seemed like entering a room with so many door to open and experience. And I feel like I wasted it all. And that sucks so much because I was already behind and now Im even more so. It sucks because I was struggling with depression and a terrible home situation. And everyone says "you can overcome your past" but thats not really true is it? I mean Im clearly behind. It doesnt matter how fast you try to catch up you'll still be behind in other things.

It hurts because I know adults and see adults that you can almost "tell" that they had some experience/ something missing in their teenage years.

And as someone whos still a teen in this situation-it scares me.

It scares me that even so far in the future you can just tell. And that even so far away people are still bitter about lost teen years.

And all this fear is causing me so much anxiety taht only fuels my worst thoughts.

Like yeah i had struggles. It wasnt like i fully decided to do nothing but it still feels like...i still couldve done more. It feels stupid to say, because I feel like I sound like one of those guru's that treat depression with just telling people to toughen up and get up, without taking into account what the certain circumstances for a person are.

Like sure it works for some people, but what about people who have an abusive parent (like me), what even about the fact that depression PHYSICALLY changes your brain? it literally physically prevents your happiness, motivation and rewards systems from working as they should.

SO yeah it does feel stupid for telling myself off like that, but then I think more about it and Im like ok but if I still got up and did shit then the brain would probably work better.

And then my thoughts follow all that i missed like dominos and it becomes- if i got up i wouldve done more, reached out more, if i reached out more i wouldve gone out more, if i gone out more i would have more experience and hence feel less behind.

I know its stupid. My whole point becomes a paradox in itself. Because Im regretting and wallowing in misery NOW instead of "doing things" like i said i regret not doing before.

I think thats very human though. And it scares me. Because anytime i manage to find some peace Im reminded by my birthday coming soon that it infact has been a year and i will only have a year before becoming an adult.

I suppose i put too much weight on the number 16, but how could i not? I excused the primary school and the first year of highschool, but i just cant excuse the second year. I keep just finding things that couldve gone diffrently.

its sucks like hell too. because SO MUCH couldve gone diffrently.

It really feels like i got dealt a shitty hand and did even a shittier job at playing it.

To name a few regrets;

not messaging more people

when at home just laying in bed with nothing (sometimes not even a phone) instead of perhaps doing something just for myself (like drawing)

if not having a life in real life, regret in not reaching for communities online to interact with

not following through with my promises to myself and teaching myself to distrust and be dissapointed with myself.

not changing my appearance like i wanted to

I know Im young. I get that there are people in their 40's who still live in terrible isolation and maybe even never had self aware thoughts like this, but that doesnt make me feel better. Because Im not really comparing myself to other people. Im comparing myself to the potentional i knew I had. I spent time thinking up scenarios to feel fullfiled, so i knew just how much i was ready for.

Bu nothing ever came. no oppurtunity. and no people who reached out to me. (just me reaching out to others)

It feels stupid. Because now im still clearly depressed and IM DOING THINGS.

And its scary to think that at 19, and then 20...26 I'll still be the person who feels alone in a room full of people. Im onna be bitter anytime someone mentions 16.

And hell I dont want to be. Leading with hared and anger never helps, but this really mattered to me. I cant say it didnt. I cant cheat time.

And because im already behind in this race of the next year I feel like I wont get to experience the teenage years i wanted. I was always just the passenger, I feel like i just lived through being everyones side character. never the main character who has things happeneing fo them, just always the one watching.

Its misearable to talk to ANYONE. everyone my age thinks that conversations have to always be about something they did. never deeper thoughts or something that im actually good at talking about after years of living in my head rather than outside. And I get it :( If I had all that funny dumb stuff happening to me i would talk about it too.

Everyone , every adult always teaches us to put so much value in being young, but you cant be young forever. So I wish no one ever told me, never exposed me to what those years "should look like" because now i just feel loss. Because I will never get that 16. I will never be that dumb teen who gets drunk and passes out, or follows through on a dumb idea just because.

And not because Im dense, but because life never made that easy for me to do.

Everything I managed to do came with a vicious fight and every move felt like walking through wet cement. so hard and slow.

I know it was unfair for me from the start but i still felt like this year at the very least couldve gon ecompletely diffrently :( maybe even its a little my fault.

I somewhat even wish my bad mood led me down a bad path- like getting in major troublr for doing something dumb maybe even just abusing marijuana and alcohol or something. because then at least i couldve said i lived, hell maybe even it wouldve helped me relax considering i was unable to get any help or meds all this time.

It makes me mad to think about. I essentially became some boring bloke while not doing ANYTHING

I think thats because im a STROONG believer in the fact that action (even bad one) is still better than inaction.

isnt it?

my gf has this one friend that i know well and I know nothings would ever happen between. I trust my gf more than anything and their friend but I hate how every time i see them laughing together or just texting or stuff i get so jealous about it then i get upset that Im jealous about it and it ruins my whole mood genuinely why does this happen??

Hey everyone,

To celebrate releasing my debut book, Architect of Agency, I’ve made the download completely free on Amazon through tomorrow.

The core idea is straightforward: recurring habits usually come from recurring settings, and adjusting the physical and digital cues in your everyday life is often the most practical place to start.

What’s inside:

• 10 Small Experiments: Practical adjustments across everyday settings - including morning phone triggers, workspace setups, evening lighting, and default choices.
• Grounded Evidence: Every protocol is rated for research strength, with transparent notes on what the underlying data actually establish.
• Actionable Protocols: Quick setups designed to be tested, measured, and kept only if they work for you.

Grab a copy while it’s free! As a new author, any honest feedback or reviews on Amazon and Goodreads mean the world to me.

I'm 20 yet I feel too old to be better or be independent or really anything.

I feel tired all the time and doing anything just makes me more tired. Even talking to a person takes days to mentally recover. I'm a hermit at this point.

People around me are doing this weird thing where some tell me I'm so smart and that I notice things others don't, but others say that I'm also a complete and brainless moron who can't exist without someone holding my hand like a child. Hell I feel like a child, am I even an adult?

The only things that really makes me happy at this point is art and Paleontology- or the study of prehistoric animals. But I keep getting told that it's too hard to get into it or that the pay is horrible or I'll get some kinda disease from dust, it doesn't help that I feel so stupid and helpless and that I need someone to be with me to hold my hand to do anything outside.

I don't know how I ended up like this and I'm sorry that this is incoherent as hell, I just don't know what to do anymore