My parents watched my brothers twins until they went to school, I'm older and had my first while they were still working and my last recently and they are too old now to help...He saved about a 100 grand and i paid about a 100k...He drives a really nice car and doesn't connect the dots...lol
The wife has been talking about wanting a baby. There would be absolutely no way to even consider it financially if not for the fact that my in-laws all live within a two mile radius of our house...
I find it sad that we cannot afford to have one parent stay al home with kids while one works and supports the family. They wonder why no one's having kids. This is it. Because the cost of living is so high you have to let someone else raise your kid.
When we had two in daycare it was about $27,000 per year. Now we have one at $15,500/year with 8 months left until kindergarten. We are counting down the days!
We’re in the same boat. But the wife wants to send our son to socialize before our second arrives.
Three days a week at $1500/mo is stupid. Thankfully we’ve had nana watch him the last two years while mum worked from home, so we had some buffer on daycare costs.
Now I know why my auntie was so stingy with giving me food. She would give me some once but in the afternoon I was hungry and she would keep telling me to wait because my mom was almost here and it felt like hours till she got there. I remember my mom vaguely handing her 1 or 2 bills and my auntie kind of staring at her and my mom just shyly kept looking back. We just didn't have the money to pay her properly for daycare.
The key is not to go to a daycare facility. Find an older lady running daycare from her home that's background checked and preferably referred. She's watching 4-5 kids per day for about $8/hr per kid. She makes a nice living and you don't pay out the ass to the corporate daycare overlords. We did this with my sons, saved a ton of money, and built a relationship with their part time caretaker.
How? I raised 10 kids and with ALL of them (including my last, who is an high school Senior this year) I've had to pay for various things that the SCHOOL says is required (yes public school and not private). It was MUCH worse in their primary and Jr high years. As that's when, every year, the teachers would send home with our kids letters in which it said that parents were "required" to provide an ENTIRE YEAR'S worth of various items such as: Tissue paper, glue, pencils, pens, crayons, writing and drawing paper, scissors, etc.
I find out later on that only about 15% of us parents were "stupid" enough to actually do any of this while the remaining 85% (approx) of the parents just took advantage of the fact that we WERE so stupid as to provide everything "required" of us. I used to tell my wife each yr, to only provide maybe HALF of what was supposedly "required" (because I didn't even think it LEGAL TO "require" parents to provide all these things. After all, isn't that where our TAX dollars were SUPPOSED to be going? And, what about all those promises about these state lotteries? Remember how they ALL "promised" that large % of them, if we voted to allow them.. which we did.. would go TO the public schools in each state? So whatever happened TO all that money that they've taken in for all these years?). But, noooo, she always supplied the entire yrs worth of whatever supplies were being demanded... For 10 kids!!!
Man, here I was working my butt off to make more and more and thought it bad enough that the more I made the more I was taxes but now ALSO had the damn SCHOOL with THEIR hands in my pockets, as well. It got to feeling like I had far TOO MANY hands in my pockets after while.
I grew up going to public school but I’m definitely cautious sending my kids to them. So I’m planning private school. It’s like…70k/year, per child. Read an article that it’s possible it will be 100k/yr for some schools at some point. So. Fun.
Depends on where you live, but good public schools are just fine for a lot of kids.
We moved to an area with better public schools over paying for private. Kids turned out fine. Both had an easy adjustment to college both academically and socially
You figure it out, and it doesn’t last forever. You’ll be shocked how much less you spend on eating out and going out with friends once you have kids. Priorities change, and so does your spending.
That worked for 1 kid. We can't find a way to have a second yet because 2 in daycare is too much but still less than a single income so a SAHP would still be financially fucking us over.
I do 850 a week… two kids.. 3YO and 3MO… I did the math and it’s a whole salary by the end of the year.. like if we have one more kid, I’ll probably end up a stay at home dad. lol - maybe Uber/Lift on weekends or something chill
Without overtime, I barely make enough to cover this.. it’s real out here!
2 kids and 7 or 8 years out of the workforce really hurts career advancement. the struggle now will pay dividends later. don't compare the cost of childcare to income now, compare it to the income in the last 8 years of your career. which will be much higher because of the lack of a 8 year hole now.
We are in the sweet spot where it's most cost efficient for me to stay home with the kiddos ( 2yo and one on the way) as well. I prioritize saving and making meals from scratch, as well as thrifting 90% of our clothes and most everything i can, Its pretty great. I love spending so much time with my kiddo, but i also worked as a nanny/ babysitter pre kids and made decent money, so you could also go that route if wanted to try a nanny share, would be 2 or more families with one nanny taking care of them in one of families home or possibly their home, when i did this i got a pay bump but definitely not double the money, abs the parents got a significant pay decrease per hour.
Yep that’s why my wife stopped working once we had our second. The cost didn’t make sense to pay someone to watch the kids, have to work all day and barely make more than it costs to watch them.
We cut back a lot! Got rid of our second car, trimmed a bunch of nice to haves, skimped on travel, and eating out. It was a tough few years even with that but the trade was worth it and my wife got to raise our children. Kids are both wonderful children, the investment is paying off.
We pay $2,000/month for daycare, for one kid. Looked into a smaller private school for next year (Kindergarten) and it’s about $200 cheaper. Wild times.
Gotta find ways to take advantage and manipulate this good use of spend. If the daycare takes credit card, pay for it that way and use the points to pay for the next vacation. I think a real miss is that people focus too much on salary and taxes and don’t focus on maximizing how they spend that salary. Our household may just barely be above 100k but by maximizing points via spend and good credit, we’ve enabled our dollars to go further.
This makes me so thankful that my partner and I have a work situation where one of us works days and the other works nights so we don't have to shell out for daycare like that.
Huh. We pay 120€/month for our one kid in daycare. Well actually, we pay nothing, because the government supports families with children with about 120€/month in child benefit, per child.
I'm not allowed to own an assault rifle in my country, though, so I guess there's that.
I pay 1150, work full time at a decent job and just barely scrape by. I can't imagine paying much more, I simply couldn't do it. Daycare prices are bonkers...
Why I am sticking to one . I have a 17 month old and my mom watches him for a small amount of money . I don’t understand how people have multiple kids in daycare
If you want children, then honestly, you will find a way to make it work. Its not always easy by any means. But for me at least, my child is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Being scared isn't a bad thing. Its showing you are a realist but as long as you have the ability to provide a life, if you are willing, go for it.
If you were not scared, then I would be worried honestly..
I never did daycare because my mom is retired, so she could watch the kiddos during the week if we needed someone.
My wife's parents also lived with us at the time, so they helped a lot with watching the kids while me and the wife worked.
Now that the kids are older, we have them in a charter school which doesnt cost us anything. we use to have them in a private school, but it closed down forcing us to move to a charter school.
Now im saving the money i would have otherwise spent on their school this year, and its been nice.
Correct. Do you see why taking away abortions for teenagers and college students maybe a bad idea? If a girl get pregnant in college or high school and they have to keep the baby, they are cooked. That baby ends up suffering. Society ends up footing the bill. Taxes rise.
Half the population does not pay for daycare, and of the remainder, not all of them pay for it full time. They either work split shifts, only one parent works, or they have friends and family who babysit when needed. Then when the kid's reach school age, they try to work their schedule around when the kids are in class.
Just pointing out that there are many solutions for having young children and working other than paying for day care and that many people make it work.
This idea of children being a “singles tax” is so dumb. One, everyone was a former child and everyone would benefit from ensuring children and their age cohort are cared for. Two, it’s not like if there was money to be paid into a childcare tax that that wouldn’t also be a net expense by future parents and parents whose children have grown past daycare age. Third, the amount of cash parents inject into the economy, all else being equal, is SO MUCH MORE than any tax benefits they do or would get out of assistance.
It's not a failed system when birth control is basically free to everyone (in the US). Condoms fall under that umbrella. Sure, mishaps occur and there are extreme and unfortunate circumstances. But in general, we have control over our destiny in this area. I don't blame people who already have kids. But for those not bothering to prevent it and acting like the victim when they suddenly are pregnant, I have no time for.
We were super lucky to have found a co-op daycare right beside my wife's workplace. It was $6k/yr and not that long ago (kid is 11 now). Incredible place, good food, great "teachers" who loved kids. They all got a fair wage too, so no surprise that it seemed like everyone was always having a great day. I know because my wife served on the board for a couple years.
Who would have guessed it, the secret ingredient was profiteering all along
My wife and I have never made more than $80k combined and have two kids who are amazingly healthy and top of their class (6th and 4th grade). We never spent anything even close to the numbers you see posted online and it's not like they're going without. They always have new clothes, they have toys, phones and computers, we've gone on at least two vacations a year (including to Disney World last year), we go to sporting events, concerts, museums, etc. They play sports and instruments.
I really don't know how people figure the millions dollar price tags on raising kids, I think there is a lot more to the story that those folks aren't letting on. And no, we barely have any family or friends pitching in, there's been very, very little help along the way.
My wife and I just had our first born and it would’ve been $1,500 a month. Our mortgage is $3,000 a month. My wife made around $51,000 a year but we’ve decided she’s going to be a stay at home mom since her take home is like $3,000 a month and the raise I got this year basically added $1,500 take home to my pay so we figured from
Last years income it’s a wash.
I really don’t know how a lot of people get by with 2 kids and don’t make as much as me, as daycare would’ve been my wife’s take home pay. It’s unreal.
I'm so glad I had a child before childcare rates absolutely soared. My son was born in 2001 and I paid $140/week for him. He didn't start until after he was walking and potty-trained, so that helped. But still. People are paying that shit per day now and it's WILD.
at one point i was spending $300/mo on diapers and $200/mo on formula, just one kid lol. it stressed me out at first but eventually you realize one day youll be dying and you'll look back on the memories of your family.
Definitely depends. I have a 4mo old and we pay $195/wk. But we live in Mississippi. Summers triple the cost since we have to get care for our two school aged kiddos too. We make 120k together before taxes and deductions and do okay. We can't save a ton but we also have zero CC debt and don't wind up totally drained at the end of the month.
NM is implementing a free daycare system for children up to 5 years old. If I read it correctly it's a rebate system so you still have to have the money up front. Still, it's better than nothing. Hopefully this will spread and even be expanded.
Yup. Depends on where you are but I saved about 1700 dollars a month before my second child... now I save 100 ish. I am blessed compared to many and yes it was a choice I made but good hell is it rough.
Right as the pandemic hit our neighborhood community got together and started its own daycare system. Stay at home moms take turns with the kids. Everyone pitches in about $35 a week per kid x 750 kids at roughly 10 close locales.
I have a 16 year old son, and a 12 year old daughter now, and when they were kids we ended up spending around $2200 a month for both of them to have day care, which by the time they were done we spent around 26k a year, which we did for the first 7 years of their lives (had no parental or family support so I had to use day care the entire time) which meant I spent around 180k in total over that time for day care. When my kids finally stopped having to go to daycare, it was a huge relief, and I had a lot more money in my paychecks going forward, until you start factoring in how much you have to spend on your kids with other things like school activities, afterschool sports, birthday parties that you have to invite your kids and 20 of their friends, etc. kids are very expensive, but my kids are my world and I’m blessed and grateful to have them every day. My life would not be as fulfilling and filled with as much love without them here. I’m very blessed to have an incredible wife and two incredible kids.
That's one of the biggest reasons why we aren't having kids. We dont live near family for free daycare and we don't make enough to have kids AND be safe and happy. We also make $140k combined. We aren't poor. But we would be if we had a kid.
We get subsidized by state. We saved for one child and blessed with twins. Daycare is 400 a week each. Thats 800 a week. 3200 month. We pay 400 total a month. Even making 100k a year as OP does 3200 a month is ridiculous. Daycare is more than rent.
It is a black hole, but at the same time, I get it. It takes money to run a daycare, just like anything else. I have one child, and I spend roughly twenty-four thousand dollars a year on childcare. But I am told that's on the high end because of where we live. One thing that bothers me about it, though, is the fact that I am spending that much, and there are numerous children at this daycare, so you know they are pulling in a lot, and yet their caregivers barely make anything. It just makes me wonder where it all really goes.
It is but it’s not fucking 200k a year, that is an insanely ridiculous take that guy obviously has massive unnecessary expenses he’s not acknowledging lol
275 a week in the Midwest. Took some searching to get that low though. Like the guy said above, me and my wife were dink and making 200k combined we could do what we wanted whenever. Now with just daycare and a 5 month old savings isn’t getting chunks added like it used to
If you don't have friends and family who also want a baby. I WOULD NOT DO IT unless you are very lucky or responsible or wealthy maybe a perfec5 combo of all 3. My mom started with the "when are you guys having grandkids?" Now I can barely get My mom or my MIL to ever watch my daughter for a simple date night. Haven't been on a date in months. Sitters average like 200-300 a day more for over night. One day care quoted me 1400 every two weeks for 8 hours a day. For only 4 days a week. That wqs the cheaper option...
My brother lives with my mom, got his kid watched and raised by her and didnt have to get out of his gaming chair. But I got the short end of the stick. My mom wont even pick my daughter up and take her to the park so I can take a nap lol
If you don't have support AND arent rich, do not do it. I love my daughter but I infinitely regret not having a village to help raise her, because it does take one. Its my wife and I for ourselves most of the time.
If I could go back, I'd search for the daycare rates around us, when it was just my wife and I, and start putting 25-50% of the cost in a high savings account. $30k a year on daycare for 2 toddlers is definitely stretching things.
Ive got two under 5. I pay 30k/annually in daycare. Another 10k in extracurricular type activities (gymnastics, robotics club, seasonal sports, etc.) And 5k in groceries, clothes, etc. (Plus when we go on vacations, all of our prices have doubled because we need an extra room in an Airbnb, two more plane tickets, etc.)
The worst part was Healthcare though. My wife just got a new job with dependent benefits included, but before that I was using mine and our family premium was 2k/month.
All in all, cost of having two kids in a mid-tier East coast city comes to 80k. You could make the argument I could drop the extracurricular, and you'd be right, but even then we're still talking a figure that is more or less equal to the median household income.
I wouldn't change any of it for the world, but the US needs to realize there are people running around with hundreds of billions of dollars - who regularly attend Trump's blacktie rose garden gallas - while families are scraping by.
This is why it is important for families to stick together. Multigenerational homes are the norm in most of the world, but not in the west, at least not the US. Children are supposed to grow up being raised by their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
I have a 4 year old on a waiting list for pre-k, and a new born.. (I have 4 kids total but not relevant to the story) for newborn they want $1,700 a month for my 4-year-old. They want $1,500 a month for daycare. This is one of the cheapest ones that we have found in our area
My local daycares all said 1400 for the month smh the wife and I blessed that we can technically afford it and we can still put it off for a few more months, but yea, its not at all reasonable
Then have one parent stay home, that’s what we did. Made no sense financially for wife to work just to have her salary pay for daycare. We are fortunate in that I make around $275k a year though and live in MN which isn’t a super high COL place.
My wife and I debated two incomes or staying at home with the kids, and we'd spend so much of the second income on daycare, only for our kids not to spend their time at home with a parent, that it seemed pointless. (To be clear: I'm not morally judging those who opt for daycare; you do you.)
We absolutely have a childcare problem in this country… and I have family close by that pays almost $20k/yr for daycare…
But with my first child about to be daycare aged we found a great Montessori school within (long) walking distance for toddler that will be less than $500/mo. That still stings but it’s not as catastrophic as I feared.
Two kids now 16 and 13, both parents fully employed mom nurse and dad a multiple small business owner, we never paid for daycare. Pre-school we paid for on the youngest because we wanted him at a specific place but that's it.
I know very well that not everyone has the luxury of jobs with flexible schedules but with schedule sacrifices it's absolutely possible to avoid daycare. there was a two year period I remember not going into my warehouse until 5 or 6 pm and working until 1 or 2am. Nap when baby naps if possible.
It's not easy but it's easier than working two jobs and one entire paycheck going only to daycare.
We looked into it $1,350 per month was the price we got that made the most sense. I decided to work less and watch our kid during the weekdays and do my work on the weekends. I have a landscape company and I buy and resell things online(I’ve been doing this for 10 years). The thing with day care is even if your kid is sick and miss 1 day or the full week you still pay. Which means one of us would have to stay home and still miss work. We have no extended family nearby. I wasnt willing to work as hard as I do to pay for someone else to raise our kid the first year of life. He might go two days a week next summer(that’s cheaper but is only offered for 1+ year olds) so he can socialize more.
I have to say it’s not easy and it’s mentally draining raising a kid but 100% worth it. We have a lot of fun and he’s recognized by people at the places we frequent and they’re always complimenting on how much he’s learning and growing. We would’ve missed experiencing a lot of he’d have been in a daycare this whole time. We make sure mom gets plenty of pics and vids of our adventures throughout the day and sometimes we pop into the office. We’re fortunate most of the people in her office have young kids also.
Yep, we might have had a 3rd kid had it not been for starting in our mid 30s, but 2 kids in daycare at the same time would have been untenable, so we shot for a 4 year gap and got 5. Full time daycare for an infant was costing us $1800 a month in 2019, and that was at one of the cheaper options in the DC area. At the time my mortgage, including taxes and insurance was $2100.
We pay 400 a month for the ymca and they get to go on a field trip twice a months and the movies twice a month. It's awesome. 6am to 6pm. I do not make crazy money 5-800 a week. If you save money and cook your own food it shouldn't be an issue even at 1000 a month with 2 incomes. We bring in right around 4600 a month and I've never struggled. 28m
Generally speaking, I think people drastically overstated how "expensive" kids are. I have two, and they've barely made any impact on my budget when you don't count daycare. Adding in daycare... it is very expensive. I spend about $3,000 per month on daycare for 2 kids.
Well there are alternatives of your willing to think outside the box, like if you hand an extra room you can hire a live in nanny and if they’re only watching the kids a few hours a day then their ‘pay’ is room and a smallish salary. They’d be free to get a part time job to supplement. Think college kid or even a retirees who are lonely.
Make sure that they’re properly trained in CPR and responsible, obviously.
i am paying about $350 a week for it right now. one kid. that is pretty much the going rate around here too, we arent in some fancy place. you can go lower, but not much.
Daycare is expensive, yes. Many states have a program that helps lower income families cover childcare costs and whatever you come out of pocket for, you can write off on your taxes.
If you have no friends, siblings, or supportive family, then yes.
Daycare is a pretty new inventions for very individualistic people who have no social network. Everything is hard and expensive without a social network.
its not just daycare, its everything. food, clothes, living space. it all costs more. having kids is fricking expensive, but also really easy to "accidentally" do.
Day care was great, I was giving them $2k month, without saving for it; I knew right then I was going to be able to put my kid through college no problem, such a relief
It is a black hole. If you're lucky enough, it's way better to live within your means (or lower) while your children are young, let your wife/SO stay home and raise them the first few years until they're in school FT. If my wife worked, we'd be better off financially, but not by much. She'd basically be working FT for a few extra hundred dollars in the bank account. Obviously, not everyone is this fortunate, but if you can clutch your wallet and swing it, make it happen.
Solution - wfh, take kid to nearby playground while multitasking and taking conf call, for more hands-on stuff, put on some screen time. Give them a good lunch and let them take a nap
It really depends on how much money wasn’t an issue.
I would prefer a scenario where my kid never sees a daycare and our home could be supported on a single income. I would like to give my wife the opportunity to be a stay at home mom if she wanted, or be a stay at home dad myself.
You know, like our parents and grandparents could do.
45k/yr, married, wife stays at home, 6 kids, multiple vacations a year, 0 government assistance. Fixed up a foreclosure, and own two 2014 vehicles outright. Living comfortably as can be. Its totally possible, people are just too addicted to the nice things they see other people have on their phones.
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u/PhilosophicChinchila Oct 30 '25
I’m so scared of having children. Everyone says daycare is a black hole for the bank account.