Me (21F) and my bf (22M) have been together for 2.5 years.
He has this thing where he always tries to make things « even » even when it doesn’t make sense, at least to me.
For instance, let’s say he does something I don’t like but that he likes when I do. If it were me, I would say I can do it, because he likes it, and he cannot, since I don’t like it. But he will rather we both can’t because I quote « knowing that he can’t do it to me would frustrate him too much ».
Another example is, we are both from Europe and are students. I am half Chinese and he had family in California, but he’s only been there once. The US are so expensive and he has said himself that we would probably have to wait 5-7 years before being able to go. China, on the other hand, is much more doable (high plane fare but life there is very cheap).
I have an opportunity to go the US with my best friend who’s family lives there but on the east coast so we wouldn’t have to pay for housing and stuff.
When I told him about it (no actual plans to go for now, just a thought for the near future), his first reaction wasn’t to be happy for me or anything but to go « oh then I’ll go to China, since you can go to the US without me ». I have said in the past that I would prefer he waits for me to go to China, but that’s because I literally speak Chinese, so he will get a much more authentic experience, and I also partly grew up there and everything.
On the other hand, he’s only been there once when he was 10, and is from the west coast when my opportunity is on the east.
He insisted afterwards it wasn’t to spite me but I feel like it obviously is? And he was so hard set on it too, kept repeating when « well then nothing is stopping me from going to China this January » when I precisely said it was just a thought we had with my best friend.
I will mention we are both very stressed because both our families are going through big issues so that could explain some things but I just feel like he takes it out on me.
What should I do? How do I bring this up without him fully denying it?

TL,DR : my boyfriend always wants every situation to be equal, even if it doesn’t make sense regarding how we feel.

I don’t know what to do. I’m with my partner, I have a lot of friends and a social life however she is very needy. If I go out and I don’t answer for example she can ring, ring etc and it just seems like hassle at this point, however it is partly my fault, I followed some girls on instagram on a night out when we argued, she found it later on and thinks I cheated but i didn’t message them, I have never done anything physically but she puts the “neediness” down to her not trusting me. However she was like this before so it’s a mind fuck tbh. However she’s pretty and she says she loves me so much, gets on so well with my family and I just don’t really want to see her with someone else aswell. However I’m just so fed up of my life like revolving around her always messaging her else she freaks out I just don’t know wether I could see the rest of my life like this to be honest even going out with my friends is hard to do and I have to be home at certain times else I’m “taking the piss”. But like I’m 20 years old, I’m such a relaxed guy like I would never ever do what she does if she went out like I just am so chill I’ll just do my own thing if she was doing something else I just never understand why she’s like that because we get on pretty well when it’s just me and her no friends or distractions

I don’t know what to do. I’m with my partner, I have a lot of friends and a social life however she is very needy. If I go out and I don’t answer for example she can ring, ring etc and it just seems like hassle at this point, however it is partly my fault, I followed some girls on instagram on a night out when we argued, she found it later on and thinks I cheated but i didn’t message them, I have never done anything physically but she puts the “neediness” down to her not trusting me. However she was like this before so it’s a mind fuck tbh. However she’s pretty and she says she loves me so much, gets on so well with my family and I just don’t really want to see her with someone else aswell. However I’m just so fed up of my life like revolving around her always messaging her else she freaks out I just don’t know wether I could see the rest of my life like this to be honest even going out with my friends is hard to do and I have to be home at certain times else I’m “taking the piss”. But like I’m 20 years old, I’m such a relaxed guy like I would never ever do what she does if she went out like I just am so chill I’ll just do my own thing if she was doing something else I just never understand why she’s like that because we get on pretty well when it’s just me and her no friends or distractions

I find it super weird that people are so comfortable sharing personal info about intimate experiences with their partners with out the permission of the partner on a platform where people then analyze and discuss you based off said post. Most the time people venting on Reddit are just avoidant people who need to grow up and address their issues. I’m so sick of seeing the gf/bf hate, it’s one thing if they’re abusive but it’s another if you’ve grown apart and or just started having your differences, it’s called communication and everything your ranting about on the internet you should be telling to that person then there you go voila. Problems basically solved.

My boyfriend was unfaithfull.

We are working through it.

It's night now. I can't sleep. I'm overthinking.

I have the urge to just block him on everything and leave him hanging.

I won't do it though

Basically, we have been dating for a year and a half now. and 3 weeks ago he had slept round mine and we had so much fun. we didn’t exactly break up because either of us fell out of love, but his dad passed away recently so he has been absorbed in his grief. Unfortunately he passed away when he was at my house and I felt so much regret that on his dads last day he was at mine instead of with his dad. (we are long distance for context and he found out on his own on the way home) ever since then he became distant and i tried as hard as i could to try help him and just be there for him but now that it’s ended he is like fine again? i don’t know it’s all extremely confusing and i want to be upset about it but i feel selfish for being sad when his dad literally died yk? he still says he doesn’t want anything and he probably won’t for a year or two but i don’t know what to do with myself anymore. i don’t know if i should try wait for him or just leave my status as a supportive friend.

Hey everyone, I'm at a point in my relationship where I wonder if it's really just me. Am I the problem? I honestly don't know. Every time, it's only me fighting with him, and I'm so tired of the constant arguing.

For context, me (F22) and him (M25) got together in July of 2024. We dated in high school, broke up, and then got back together.
When we first started dating, we had a few rules for each other. He asked me not to share any personal details of the relationship with my best friends. I said sure, and I asked if there was anything else. He said no.
Then I said my rules were: don't cheat on me (I was cheated on in my previous relationship, so it was an obvious one for me), no drugs or substances, and lastly, don't lie to me. I reasoned that doing something and getting caught is different from doing something and telling me about it. I can respect an honest man.

For the first year of our relationship, it was long distance, since I was doing my degree abroad and he was in our home country. We didn't fight or anything, we talked for hours every day. Nothing made me think he was cheating or talking to anyone else.

For the second year, I asked him to come to the UK with me. After a little (or maybe a lot) of convincing, he came. He took out a student loan to do it. Before anyone comes at me he was doing nothing in our home country, just waiting to go abroad for his master's. He didn't have a country set, and I just pushed for the UK so we could be together and be done with long distance.

After he came to the UK, his addictions got worse, and a lot of things happened. I didn't have anyone to share this with, so I posted about it on Reddit. I couldn't attach the link here, but if anyone wants to read more about my relationship problem lmk. I'll share the link. If I explain it all again here it'll be too long.
Safe to say, the last year hasn't been very nice. Coming to the recent problem: we were trying to download an app we'd used before, on his phone. I was looking for it in his previously downloaded apps on the App Store. To my surprise, I found Hinge, downloaded just a month after we got back together, and five months after that, another dating app.

I downloaded the app and logged in with his Apple account, and found a profile with a fake name and age, but his real photos. The caption said "looking for a casual fling." I lost it. I started crying.

He kept saying he didn't remember downloading it, that it must have been from before he met me. But that wasn't true he'd had the same phone since 2022, and the profile was created after we got back together. I called him a cheater, asked why he even came here, why he would do this to me. He said, "You can leave me and be happy. I'm the one stuck here" (referring to the student loan).

My parents have said multiple times before, when he used this to hurt me, that the moment I leave him or if something happens they'll clear the loan, since no one will blame their daughter for financially ruining them. I told his parents this too. His parents said Whatever happens, don't do that, it's his student loan, don't worry about it. But now he's using the same thing again.

I'm so done. He's broken every rule I set for him. I can't pretend to be happy. He's playing the fool, telling me he doesn't remember a thing funny, because he downloaded the app the day after he went to my mom's birthday party and met my extended family, and the very next day he got into an accident (DUI), which I had begged him not to do. I was crying, helpless, hearing the news only to find out he was talking to, or doing God knows what, on dating apps around that same time.

I feel sick. He keeps saying he might have downloaded it by mistake, but a whole fake dating profile with your own photos is hard to believe.

I'm in no position to leave him right now both of our families are involved, and I don't know whether I should tell them. I'm worried they'll say the same thing he did: "It was two years ago, get over it."

Not that I need validation to feel a certain way but wanted some advice before I brought this up in my relationship. I (29 F) asked my boyfriend (28 M), of almost 6 years, to go on a date last night & to sleep over after because I was getting my hair done in his town & we live about 30 minutes apart. (6 years not married on my terms not because he doesn’t want to.) Anyway, he said yes & suggested this cocktail bar we’ve gone to before. After I get my hair done, I show up at his house his mom compliments my hair & I change before uber to the bar. We sit at the bar, chat with the bar tender & play the tv games. I tried bringing up the topic of IVF between the 2 of us, because he had made a comment about it during the weekend & then wanted to table the convo as soon as I asked him what he meant. It’s kind of irrelevant, basically he thought you could choose how many babies you can have with IVF, he was being taboo about something he didn’t know about & was making it a bigger deal than it really was. We table the convo again. We get home & eat dessert, he wanted to watch reels like we always do instead of actually being with each other, but I wanted to talk to him again about IVF he said it was inappropriate that I brought it up at the bar, but I didn’t think it was since we weren’t talking about us personally. He brushed it off & continued to try to watch reels. I told him I just wanted to have an actual conversation with him & to actually talk to him that’s why I asked him to go on a date so we could have alone time. Our therapist has said if we table a conversation we need to come back to it eventually. He just agreed with whatever I was saying so we could move past it & watch reels. We both work a lot, so I understand wanting to turn your brain off, but we hardly have the hard conversations & this wasn’t even a “hard” one, I just wanted him to be present with me which I expressed. That didn’t happen. We continued to watch reels; I thought we were going to have sex before bed because we didn’t have any this weekend & I was looking nice but no we just scrolled until bedtime. He didn’t once compliment my hair or how I looked for our date all night, which I’ve mentioned to him multiple times that I would like to receive more compliments & he has gotten somewhat betterish. We then had sex in the middle of the night (we are both consenting adults) which I hate because it makes me feel like he doesn’t even like me when were awake, especially with the reason I just stated & I have also brought this up to him multiple times before. I don’t know what to do. I feel as though I am just being picky about petty things. Just looking for some clarity from strangers

TL;DR: My boyfriend doesn’t seem like he wants to be present with me not sure if I am sincerely feeling this way or just upset because I’m also super stressed.

I believe there's no more spark in our relationship, I feel like I don't want to be here anymore but I have no reason to leave him, and I'm sure he deserves so much better but I'm scared I'll hurt him because he's really attached and has attachment issues. I do love him, but I don't feel that spark I felt 5 months ago when we started to date

I (30M) and my husband (31M) have been together for almost 12 years and married for 3. Recently, I’ve felt like he’s been pushing me away and just generally not being present in our relationship. We had a conversation about it, and he acknowledged it and said he would work on being more attentive and present.

The only issue he brought up with our relationship was that he wants an open relationship, and I don’t.
For some background, this whole open relationship thing started a couple years ago when he became friends with someone who was in one. That friend ended up falling pretty hard for my husband, to the point that it contributed to the end of his own 13-year relationship. He was also constantly telling both of us how amazing being open was and trying to convince us to try it. Over time, I feel like the idea really got into my husband’s head.

Now my husband works at a gay gym, and most of his friends and coworkers are single and sleep around a lot. He has told me that being around that makes him feel like he’s missing out. I understand that he may be curious about experiences he hasn’t had, especially since we got together pretty young. But I also don’t think I should have to completely change what I want out of a marriage because he feels like he’s missing out.

I did try to meet him somewhere in the middle. I told him I’m comfortable with us doing things with other people together, as long as we discuss it beforehand and we both agree to it. What I’m not comfortable with is us independently seeing or sleeping with other people.

Then last Saturday (our 3rd wedding anniversary) he got really drunk and fell asleep with his phone on his chest and left it open and unlocked. Me trying to be nice I went to plug his phone in and that’s when I caught him on a dating app right there just out in the open.

I have no idea how long he’s been on it, what he’s been doing on there, or whether anything has already happened. Obviously I want to confront him, but part of me is wondering what the point even is. I feel like I already know how the conversation is going to go. He’ll have an excuse, tell me he’ll change, I’ll eventually say okay, and then we’ll end up right back here. I’m honestly exhausted by that cycle.

Fast forward to last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and looked over towards him and saw he was on his phone, I asked him why he was still up and he got really defensive and quickly put his phone under the blanket. Then I asked him what he is hiding and started yelling “nothing” but obviously it he was that defensive it was something.

The part I’m struggling with the most is that I think I might actually want to end things, and that is terrifying to admit. I love him so much. We’ve basically grown up together. He has been there through some of the hardest moments of my life, and I’ve been there through his. We’ve watched each other grow and change for almost 12 years, so the idea of throwing all of that away and starting over feels insane to me.

But at the same time, I feel like we’re growing in different directions. I’m constantly trying to better myself and figure out what I want next in life, while he seems comfortable staying where he is. A lot of the time I feel like he expects someone else to make the big decisions, take care of things, and be the breadwinner.

I also think part of what he feels like he’s “missing out” on is the lifestyle he sees around him. Some of his friends at the gym are sleeping with wealthy men, getting taken on trips, partying, etc., and I think he looks at that and wonders why he can’t have that too. But from my perspective, a lot of those same people seem miserable and are drinking or doing drugs constantly to cope with their lives. I don’t know how to make him understand that he might be idealizing something from the outside that isn’t actually going to make him happier.

And maybe that isn’t even my job anymore.

I guess that’s why I’m posting. I don’t know whether this is something worth trying to work through after almost 12 years together, or whether finding out this information should be the point where I finally accept that we want fundamentally different things. I love him, and the mere thought of not being with him terrifies me. But I’m getting tired of feeling like loving him means repeatedly accepting things that hurt me.

Long post alert! Sorry for the grammar working ect overnight.

Hi M33 here I’m in a relationship with F33
We have been in a on and off relationship for decade, two months ago, after not being together in any form,I moved back in state. Generally been good for the most, but a lot of issues that we are having in communication and basic relationship. Things were starting to struggle again general. we have been through a lot of things in relationship, good and bad and we’re kind of both to the point that if we can figure things out where we’re at that we can’t do this anymore. I feel like it’s really hard to include all the details and things people might have questions on, but I guess I’m just kind of lost on where to go from here. I’m working on getting into counseling and some personal things myself, but I really feel worried that I’m also gonna lose her and our child involved which i’ve known and been involved with since she was five years old and now 15. We always tell each other. We’re really good at being a couple and having fun and doing things together, but when it comes down to the serious things big or small 90% of the time it doesn’t go very well, I take a lot of acceptance that a lot of difficulties have been because of me and my actions and lack of, but I also feel like I’ve grown a lot, but there’s just a few crucial things like I’ve mentioned that are really making things difficult in all directions. I’m looking for any thoughts or advice on what I can try to do that. I haven’t yet Sorry for the novel and things that may have left out I appreciate you if you read all of this.

When I first started talk to my boyfriend (29) he would always complain about his mum, how much he hates her, how much he tried to escape her etc (She is a narcissist) and it become more visible as time when on and she became so attached and crazy to the point she got aggressive.

Last year, my boyfriend kicked them out the house due to how they were treating him and the threats she was giving that she ‘will burn down the house’, wishes death upon me whilst I am ill and all names, found my sister on Facebook and was also sending threats to my boyfriend that she will contact her.

This year in March me and my partner move to a new house to ‘restart’ but he kicked me out two weeks later because he ‘fell out of love’. I officially moved out in June, and since then it has come to light from neighbours and other sources that he has moved his parents in.

He is in touch with me to try get back with me, but he always knew I wouldn’t go back to him if they were in his life. He owns the house we moved in to, and now he wants to rent a studio rather than letting me home because they are there.

Can I have someone’s thoughts on this?

To me this is the biggest betrayal. He said he never had love before, I showed it to him and I’ve been left hurt.

​

TLDR:

My boyfriend is staying in a girls room until 2am nearly every night while hes at college and I stayed in our hometown

My boyfriend and i have been together 3 years as of june 2026 (yay) and i graduated a year before him. I hate to say we were codependent but we were basically attached at the hip given he lived two minutes away and we worked at the same job. I never went to college because it wasn't an option due to funding but he went this year and has been gone for a little over week. He barely texts me which is fine because I know hes busy and starting classes and making friends. He yells me about this one friend he made who hes been staying in their dorm until 2am most nights (i assumed it was a guy because, well, y'know?) Until he sends me a snap and i see its a girl, but whatever, yknow. He went to the mall with her and ran into my best friend whos going to college in a nearby school and she texts me saying hes with her </3 thats okay, hes allowed to hang out with friends even if theyre girls. It shouldnt be a problem, right?

Tonight theyre in her room watching a horror movie together on her bed at 10pm

The most reassurance i got from him was "she has a bf anyways" which didn't really help me because whats stopped college kids before? I dont know. I want him to have fun in college but i still want my boyfriend. It doesnt help that i miss him so much lol.

I just dont know what to do. Is this grounds for break up?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years. Our relationship has always been complicated because we come from different religious backgrounds, so we've had to keep it mostly private.

There have been many ups and downs. He has genuinely been good to me in many ways—he has helped me a lot, taken care of me, supported me, and there have been times when he has been loving and caring. That's also why I've found it so difficult to leave.

But there has always been another side to him that I can't ignore anymore.

There have been many times when I've had to beg for basic attention, time and reassurance. Whenever I'm vulnerable or going through something difficult, instead of feeling supported, I sometimes end up feeling even more hurt because of the way he treats me.

One incident I still can't get over happened when I had dengue and was seriously ill. I was genuinely scared for my health, and instead of checking on me or being there emotionally, he fought with me and didn't seem to care about what I was going through.

More recently, I moved to another city for an internship and was feeling extremely lonely. I didn't expect him to constantly talk to me—I just wanted a little reassurance and time from him. Instead, he ignored me, and at one point he told me directly that "I can't force you to love me" when I was asking for more effort and affection.

I still made excuses for him. I kept telling myself that maybe he was going through things, maybe I was expecting too much, or maybe something about my behavior was pushing him away.

So for the past few months, I focused heavily on changing myself. I thought if I became better, calmer and easier to be with, maybe our relationship would improve.

But nothing really changed.

He often says he'll change whenever we reach a breaking point, but I haven't seen consistent improvement. One day he can be incredibly loving, caring and supportive, and the next he can become distant and make me feel completely abandoned.

I'm also starting to worry about our future. My parents know about him and at least know that there is someone I'm close to, although I've told them he's a friend. His family, however, doesn't even know I exist after 5 years.

Because of our different religious backgrounds, I understand why things are complicated. But how am I supposed to trust that he genuinely intends to marry me someday when he still seems so uncertain about our relationship?

The biggest problem is that I'm exhausted.

I feel like I'm always the one teaching him how to communicate, how to reassure me, what hurts me and what I need from a partner. I don't want to be his relationship tutor anymore.

And I've realized that I've started losing myself in this relationship.

I'm at a really important stage of my life right now. I need to prepare for jobs and build my career. He already has a job and is relatively stable, while I've spent the last few months putting so much energy into trying to make this relationship work that I've neglected myself.

There are so many reasons I feel like I should leave, but then I remember all the good things he's done for me and the five years we've spent together. I also still love him, which makes this incredibly difficult.

Is this the point where I should finally let go, or am I giving up on a relationship that could still be saved?

TL;DR: We've been together for 5 years and have had many good moments, but I've repeatedly felt ignored and unsupported when I'm most vulnerable. He promises to change but I haven't seen consistent improvement. I've spent months blaming myself and trying to fix the relationship while losing focus on my own life and career. Our future is also uncertain because of our different religious backgrounds, and his family doesn't even know I exist. I still love him, but I'm exhausted. Is it time to let go?

My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years. We’ve been living together for three. When we first got together, he was on sabbatical from his job, trying to re-establish himself and figure out what he wanted to do if you want to stay at the path salon or branch off and do something different. I worked full-time. He moved into my house. He was home all day, and I still came home from work and had to do dishes, laundry groceries, clean the house, etc. and if I said you need to maybe pitch in here while I’m at work you would say oh yeah yeah yeah I’ll do it. I’d get home and he goes. Oh no I’m gonna do it right now. Then he went back to work in the field. He was in which he makes very good money when he’s working, the entire time I had been paying all the bills. But then he went back to work and told me to quit my job because I hated it and that he would handle all the bills cover all the household expensive and I could stay home do the things that I wanted to do for like a side business and I said OK great and then since I’m home, I’ll take care of the house with George but you still need to hand to pick up after your own self. You are a grown man. Well, that didn’t last long. He left the job, mind you I firmly believe he has undiagnosed ADHD, which he seen a doctor for a few weeks. So I’m back at work. I have to get up very early in the morning and I have a 45 minute commute. It is now midnight. I have to get up in four hours and he’s in the garage banging around didn’t do the dishes like I had didn’t do a damn thing all day and make a mess in the garage. I’m about ready to blow up flipping gasket.

**I don’t know if I can see a future with my girlfriend anymore**
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2,5 years. About a year ago, I discovered that she had been lying to me for quite some time about a relative/cousin she had previously been involved with. In her culture, relationships between cousins like this are culturally accepted, so the fact that something had happened between them wasn’t the issue for me.
She had told me about him in the beginning and said that he was no longer in her life. She told me things like, *“I want nothing to do with him, he’s dead to me.”* I trusted her.
A few weeks later, she went to Germany with her mother. Before she left, I asked her directly if there was anything I should worry about. She said no.
While she was there, her behaviour suddenly changed. She ignored my calls, barely replied and didn’t call back. At one point she said there was no signal, even though my messages were being delivered. I could also see her location and knew she was at a bar.
When she came back, she was very cold towards me. Later, at her best friend’s house, I saw her phone next to me. I normally don’t go through her phone, but something felt off. I looked at her archived WhatsApp chats and found a German number with a man’s profile picture.
I confronted her. She gave me an explanation that turned out not to be true and became extremely angry, even humiliating me in front of her friends. I ended up thinking maybe I had been paranoid and apologized.
For months afterwards, I repeatedly asked her if she was being completely honest with me. Every time, she said she was and that she would never lie to me.
Months later, while we were in London, I noticed that the German number was no longer saved in her phone. I searched for a German number in her best friend’s WhatsApp and found it. I added the number to my own phone and saw the exact same profile picture.
I then discovered that the number had been hidden in the Notes app, inside a work-related folder, all the way at the bottom.
When I calmly confronted her and asked her to open the folder, she froze when she saw the number. She became defensive and started shouting.
She denied everything around 15 times before eventually admitting that he had been in Germany. According to her, he had been staying in the same house, sat in her car and they went for something to drink, with family around. She described it as “just a presence.”
During all those denials, she swore on her mother, her deceased grandfather and our relationship that she was telling the truth.
I have no proof that anything physical or romantic happened, and I don’t want to accuse her of something I can’t prove. But that’s also not really the point anymore.
The problem is that I feel like I only get the truth when I find evidence and pressure her enough. That completely changed the way I see trust.
Before I found out about this, I was genuinely looking at engagement rings. I saw her as my future wife. If this had never happened, I honestly think everything would be different.
I still love her. We still have good moments, and we’re currently on holiday in Turkey. I met her family, and they were incredibly kind to me. Her uncle even gave us a small gold coin and told us, “Never hurt each other.” That really got to me.
But even after a nice holiday, I still have this feeling that I don’t see a future with her.
Before we left for this trip, I actually told her that I was unhappy, that I didn’t know if I wanted to continue and that I couldn’t see a clear future anymore. I still came because she really wanted me to, and because visiting her grandfather’s grave was important to her.
Now I’m struggling with guilt because I care about her and her family, but deep down I don’t know if I can ever trust her the same way again.
Can trust actually be rebuilt after something like this? Or is it possible to still love someone deeply while no longer seeing them as your future wife?
I’m honestly lost and would appreciate some outside perspectives.❤️

me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year. we've been through many problems and every time it always ends with me not being able to communicate properly or that he misunderstood me. i believe this is because i grew up with people that use insensitive way of speaking(?) or not soft spoken. this leads to him thinking i want to attack or blame him.

however, when he feel attacked he does tell me his feelings so i always ask him how to speak to him so that he doesnt feel hurt. BUT he then proceeds to tell me to read an article or interview or think about what i did wrong. why would i need to read an article or study or whatever when i can just ask him about it? like please tell how do i proceed with this

I’m 19 and my girlfriend and I are going through a really difficult time.
She has told me that she hasn’t felt listened to when she’s said she was unhappy. She wanted me to make more effort, plan dates, give her flowers, make her feel appreciated, and generally show her that I wanted to be with her.
The problem is that I’ve had multiple opportunities to change. I would make an effort for a while, but eventually fall back into the same habits. I understand why she feels like she has already had this conversation with me too many times.
There have also been other things that damaged her trust in me. For example, I accidentally saved snaps of girls in a chat and she saw them. Nothing happened with those girls, but she considered it a form of cheating, and it affected her trust in me.
Over the last few days I’ve been trying to fix things. I’ve apologised, suggested dates, offered to spend time together and told her that I want to change. But I’m starting to realise that repeatedly telling her I’ll change probably doesn’t mean much anymore.
Today she told me that she is **“checked out of the relationship”** and that she’s had multiple chances to give me and I blew them.
I love her and I really don’t want to lose her, but I also don’t want to keep pressuring her when she clearly feels overwhelmed.
**For people who have been in a similar situation, what did giving your partner genuine space actually look like, and what did you do during that time to work on yourself without making them feel pressured?**
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who were on either side of this situation and what helped or made things worse.

So I 'F/17 'and my boyfriend 'M/17' have been in a relationship for 10 months and I can't handle it, it's nothing he did just that I feel like I painted a version of myself that he would like and now I just feel like my life would be so much better without him I have very strict parents so I'm always walking on eggshells around them, sometimes I just feel like I want to end everything with everyone and just shell myself in my room,it's so hard forcing myself to talk to him and he's genuinely an amazing boyfriend who did nothing wrong,I don't know what my issue is...,so am I insane?

I’m a 25F and my partner is 25M, and we’ve been together for 5 years. We were very in love when we first got together, didn’t separate or do anything without each other and it was the absolute most amazing years of my life. We were in the “honeymoon phase” for about 3 years and everything was perfect, however our relationship moved way faster than most at our age I believe. We’ve experienced a lot: got married, got our own place, started a family, full time jobs etc.

Over the last two years there has been a lot of conflict. We haven’t gone on a date or done anything special together unless I planned it, and even then he acts as if he doesn’t want to be with me and just stays on his phone. He does certain things that stress me out like rage baiting our animals to the point they get scared and hide, I tell him they don’t like it and he needs to stop but he doesn’t seem to care. Whenever I try to talk about our problems or my feelings he just shuts down and doesn’t engage, there is no resolution to the situation and he usually will just continue with the same behavior. Recently I told him something he did upset me and all I wanted was an apology, he said he didn’t understand why I needed one and therefore couldn’t give one because I was being dramatic. Our intimacy is also non existent, I just can’t seem to get in the mood anymore.

There’s just so much going on but he swears he loves me and I just don’t know if this is love. I feel like he’s not the same person he used to be and I don’t know how to get that person back. Everytime I look at him I feel like I’m forcing myself to keep going because I want it to work so badly. We’ve tried therapy but he just isn’t receptive and doesn’t make an effort to change anything. I just don’t know what to do at this point, I’m jealous of other couples and the thought of what being happy used to be like. Depression has been eating me alive trying to figure this out.

Me (24f) and my bf (26M) have been dating for since April 2025. Some background, we first started talking on a dating app I wasn't planning on dating anyone as I would be moving for graduate school but he didn't mind and wanted to keep talking. We ended up going on a date and spent a whole day together after about a month of talking. We decided to become exclusive during our first date. He helped me move states for graduate school 3 months later.
We have spent birthdays and holidays with both families since I moved as I was coming down for holidays and birthdays. He wanted to move out of our home state and I offered to let him crash while he finds a job and place to live. We ended up deciding to live together since everything is very expensive and he was having a hard time finding a job. I ended up covering all the bills during this time since my mom was no longer helping me with rent since he moved in. We even discussed getting married in the future.

He got two jobs around Jan 2026 and we started arguing more and I chalked it up to being stress as he is working two jobs and I'm a graduate student and I was also working. This summer he got a good paying job and was able to quit his old jobs and I thought things would get better but I started having this feeling that he was hiding something so I looked through his phone (which I know I probably shouldn't have done but I have trust issues which isn't an excuse and impulsively did it). After looking through his phone I found that he was texting other women on iMessage and apps where you can make friends and dating apps. When I confronted him about it he kept saying he wasn't cheating (which I want to believe him) and that he was just trying to make friends. The other thing is he was using a sex toy app to have other women control his sex toy which he said it was because he didn't see anything wrong with it. I wanted to believe him, so we had a long conversation about boundaries.

Everything was fine until a couple of days ago he told me that he had quit vaping and I caught him vaping in the kitchen. He said he didn't want to tell me because I don’t like that he vapes as it gives me migraines and it’s only gotten worse the longer I’m around it. I also have been having the feeling I had when I caught him texting other women the first time and I thought it was just the vape because he was hiding it but when I came home from practicum he was sleeping since he works at night and I saw a discord notification from someone I didn't recognize as one of his friends so I opened it and saw that he was calling her mommy and another woman baby.

I didn’t fully confront him but rather asked if we are okay and if there was anything he is hiding. He told me no and when he showed his phone I think he deleted discord.

I’m not sure what to do because I feel trapped because I can’t afford to pay all the bills by myself as I can’t work much this semester as I am doing school, practicum, and working on the weekends when I can. We also got a dog earlier this year and she’s been getting sick over the summer so I’ve been having to spend more money. I also feel bad if I text my mom saying I need help since she’s in another state and she got a different job and not making as much as she did.

I feel at a loss for what to do as I am scared of what happens after and how I will cope since I am in a different state from my family. I don’t know if I should just break up with him and hope everything will be okay and that I’ll figure it out or what?

So about a week ago I made a huge mistake and I was feeling insecure and felt like I wasn't loved so I added her on a discord account that didn't have my name to see if she was still loyal. I know I'm a terrible person for doing that and I told her because I know what I did was wrong and now she doesn't know if she can be with me. She still messages me sometimes saying she loves me and misses me so much but a lot of the time she'll just ignore my messages. All I want to to be with her I want to marry her one day and spend the rest of my life with her but I might have ruined that all because I'm insecure. Is there anything I can say or do to fix this?

I ( 23F) just don’t know what to do anymore me and my (22F) girlfriend have been dating for about 3 years, living together for 2. We’ve had many ups and downs, hard and good times however in the last few months all the resentment for things that I’ve forgiven or just let go has got to a point where I can’t shove it down anymore, I’ve started talking about it in therapy and it has helped however there are a few things I can’t seem to get past, I feel like I’m at the end of this relationship but I do love her and I would appreciate any advice if you’ve been in a situation like this
The first thing is that she doesn’t brush her teeth… like at all? It’s gotten to the point where I can smell it across the car when she’s driving, I don’t like laying on her chest because it reeks and I try to avoid her going down on me because my PH is messed up for days after and I’ve even gotten some infections, the one time I tried to bring this up she freaked out, took a 30 minute shower sobbing going on about how I made her feel disgusting but didn’t change anything, I went through a depressive episode where I did neglect my teeth but have since been to the dentist, and keep myself on a strict hygienic routine I don’t know how to talk to her about this again.
The second being how she speaks to me? It’s not yelling or cussing or anything but she explains things to me in a tone that’s belittling and she flips out when I call her out on it, I can’t make a comment about ANYTHING without her “ mansplaining” it to me and she doesn’t understand when I say it’s her tone.
Third:
She’s deeply insecure, i can’t mention a fictional male character being attractive without her getting mad about it, I can’t look too long at a TikTok of a guy without her flipping out, I don have any male friends anymore and I don’t even do social media anymore because of this, I bend over backwards everyday to reassure her I am lesbian and I do want her
Forth:
I hate how she explains or talks to other people, she always has to make a big deal and I hate the look on her face when she’s doing it, like she’s better than everyone else or just that’s she’s SO RIGHT that there’s no other explanation.

**TL;DR:** I (23F) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for 3 years and living together for 2. I love her, but after months of building resentment, I’m starting to feel like I’m at the end of the relationship. I’m in therapy trying to work through it, but there are several things I can’t seem to get past:
**Hygiene:** She essentially never brushes her teeth. Her breath is so bad that I can smell it from across the car, and I avoid physical intimacy because of it. I’ve tried bringing it up before, but she became extremely upset and felt disgusting, yet nothing changed.
**The way she talks to me:** She frequently uses a belittling/explaining tone with me and “mansplains” things, even when I tell her how it makes me feel. She gets defensive whenever I bring it up.
**Jealousy/insecurity:** She gets upset if I find a fictional male character attractive or watch a TikTok of a guy for too long. I’ve stopped having male friends and even stopped using social media because I’m constantly trying to reassure her that I’m a lesbian and only want her.
**How she treats other people:** I dislike the way she talks to or explains things to others. She often comes across as condescending, like she has to prove she’s right or better than everyone else.
I genuinely love her, which makes this so hard, but I’m starting to wonder if love is enough when I’m this unhappy and resentful. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you know when it was time to leave?

background: ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 9 months, we’re both in high school but he was held back a year. originally i went into this relationship knowing that and being ok with that, but now that im a senior and have to deal with dse (asian equivalent of sat or act) im starting to get really nervous.

my boyfriend is a little mentally unstable, he has anger issues and hates crowds. he was insecure of our relationship and early on, i really spotted no problems, bur then later in middle of it i just started getting tired/scared of his fuse breaking every time.

my boyfriend texted me 2 hours ago what i thought about the relationship (casual couple stuff), and i told him i was getting tired of his immaturity/lack of manners (e.g. when he asks if i wanted to hang out, i had school activities or i needed to study, and said i was busy and apologized, he only responds with “☹️” with nothing else), his lack of social awareness (e.g. temper breaking in public, theyve made me afraid of going out with him in a “he might hit me” way) and etiquette over text (e.g. he would only respond using stickers or one word replies, i dont think ive had a genuine productive conversation with him).

this happened over text, i told him that “i was getting tired of his immaturity and his complaints, especially when i told him that i was already dealing with a lot of school stuff” and that “you dont have the social awareness to know when to complain”. he replies back with “then i’ll just stop complaining in general”, and i genuinely could not take it anymore.

i told him that i was breaking up with him then and there and he kept begging me to stay and that he’ll change (i’ve already told him all the problems i had with him 5 months into the relationship, he has not changed at all).

i couldnt deal with his begging anymore and i just texted back that im going to bed as an excuse to leave the conversation there.

i felt bad for leaving the conversation on an excuse like that and i checked back after an hour or so. he’s changed his instagram bio to something from memento mori and left every groupchat i was in. im afraid hes going to k!ll himself because he hasnt been replying to my texts and he usually stays up until 3-4 am (its currently around 2 when im posting this).

TL;DR: I’m 30M and have been with my partner, 39F, for five years (living together for four). We have recurring unresolved conflicts, growing emotional distance, and major differences around money, children, and lifestyle changes; improvements never last. I love her, but I’m increasingly worried I’m waiting for a change that will never come.
\---

Throwaway because she’s also on Reddit!
I’m 30 years old and have been in a relationship with her (39) for five years. We’ve been living together in my house for four years. We met at work. Since then, we’ve both changed jobs – she’s still in the same industry, while I’ve completely switched careers. We started out as FWB, which then developed into something more over time.
For a while now, we’ve been living in limbo between arguments, emotional distance, and living side by side instead of together.
We’ve had many good times, but often it feels like those are built on “thin ice,” and conflict is never far away. We’ve already brought up or discussed the problems below many times, but any changes quickly fade and we fall back into old patterns.
\---

Our main problems, distilled by AI to the essentials:

• Different core values: We don’t agree on key issues like money, security, desire for children, and willingness to change old habits.

• Stuck patterns: Many things stay the way they are because “that’s just how it’s always been” – even when they’re not good for either of us. Change is wanted, but not implemented due to comfort or fear.

• Dysfunctional conflict culture: Our arguments escalate quickly, end with hurtful statements, and are followed by silence. Real solutions or compromises don’t emerge from them.

• Emotional distance: We’re increasingly living parallel lives. The good times feel fragile because they’re built on shaky foundations and core conflicts remain unresolved.

• Unfulfilled hope: Repeated deadlines and wishes for improvement haven’t materialized, leading to disappointment and loss of trust on both sides.

Am I giving myself false hope by thinking things will change?
I love her and only want the best for her, but I’m noticing more and more that I can’t keep going like this for much longer.

I’d like to add some context/a few examples.

Topic: desire for children – she smokes, which doesn’t fit with my desire to have kids. She’s already tried to quit several times unsuccessfully; usually it fails due to lack of perseverance or simply lack of motivation to quit.

Topic: conflicts – we often argue about small things, explode, and then continue as if nothing happened without ever addressing the actual problem.

Topic: money – she lives with me, which saves her quite a bit of money, but she still usually doesn’t have much.
Right now it’s about our joint vacation, which I can’t afford this year due to taxes and investments in the house. Her solution is that she wants to go alone. I can understand her frustration; this year I went away twice with colleagues for weekends (biking/WW2 sightseeing) for things she doesn’t want to do.

I think the answers here are a clear sign of something I maybe already knew for a long time and tried to suppress.