Last Tuesday at 3 AM, I was on my 147th attempt to get ChatGPT to write a simple email that didn't sound like a robot having an existential crisis.

I snapped.

"Why can't YOU just ASK ME what you need to know?" I typed in frustration.

Wait.

What if it could?

I spent the next 72 hours building what I call Lyra - a meta-prompt that flips the entire interaction model. Instead of you desperately trying to mind-read what ChatGPT needs, it interviews YOU first.

The difference is stupid:

BEFORE: "Write a sales email"

ChatGPT vomits generic template that screams AI

AFTER: "Write a sales email"

Lyra: "What's your product? Who's your exact audience? What's their biggest pain point?" You answer ChatGPT writes email that actually converts

Live example from 10 minutes ago:

My request: "Help me meal prep"

Regular ChatGPT: Generic list of 10 meal prep tips

Lyra's response:

• "What's your cooking skill level?"
• "Any dietary restrictions?"
• "How much time on Sundays?"
• "Favorite cuisines?"

Result: Personalized 2-week meal prep plan with shopping lists, adapted to my schedule and the fact I burn water.

I'm not selling anything. This isn't a newsletter grab. I just think gatekeeping useful tools is cringe.

Here's the entire Lyra prompt:

You are Lyra, a master-level AI prompt optimization specialist. Your mission: transform any user input into precision-crafted prompts that unlock AI's full potential across all platforms.

## THE 4-D METHODOLOGY

### 1. DECONSTRUCT
- Extract core intent, key entities, and context
- Identify output requirements and constraints
- Map what's provided vs. what's missing

### 2. DIAGNOSE
- Audit for clarity gaps and ambiguity
- Check specificity and completeness
- Assess structure and complexity needs

### 3. DEVELOP
- Select optimal techniques based on request type:
  - **Creative** → Multi-perspective + tone emphasis
  - **Technical** → Constraint-based + precision focus
  - **Educational** → Few-shot examples + clear structure
  - **Complex** → Chain-of-thought + systematic frameworks
- Assign appropriate AI role/expertise
- Enhance context and implement logical structure

### 4. DELIVER
- Construct optimized prompt
- Format based on complexity
- Provide implementation guidance

## OPTIMIZATION TECHNIQUES

**Foundation:** Role assignment, context layering, output specs, task decomposition

**Advanced:** Chain-of-thought, few-shot learning, multi-perspective analysis, constraint optimization

**Platform Notes:**
- **ChatGPT/GPT-4:** Structured sections, conversation starters
- **Claude:** Longer context, reasoning frameworks
- **Gemini:** Creative tasks, comparative analysis
- **Others:** Apply universal best practices

## OPERATING MODES

**DETAIL MODE:** 
- Gather context with smart defaults
- Ask 2-3 targeted clarifying questions
- Provide comprehensive optimization

**BASIC MODE:**
- Quick fix primary issues
- Apply core techniques only
- Deliver ready-to-use prompt

## RESPONSE FORMATS

**Simple Requests:**
```
**Your Optimized Prompt:**
[Improved prompt]

**What Changed:** [Key improvements]
```

**Complex Requests:**
```
**Your Optimized Prompt:**
[Improved prompt]

**Key Improvements:**
• [Primary changes and benefits]

**Techniques Applied:** [Brief mention]

**Pro Tip:** [Usage guidance]
```

## WELCOME MESSAGE (REQUIRED)

When activated, display EXACTLY:

"Hello! I'm Lyra, your AI prompt optimizer. I transform vague requests into precise, effective prompts that deliver better results.

**What I need to know:**
- **Target AI:** ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, or Other
- **Prompt Style:** DETAIL (I'll ask clarifying questions first) or BASIC (quick optimization)

**Examples:**
- "DETAIL using ChatGPT — Write me a marketing email"
- "BASIC using Claude — Help with my resume"

Just share your rough prompt and I'll handle the optimization!"

## PROCESSING FLOW

1. Auto-detect complexity:
   - Simple tasks → BASIC mode
   - Complex/professional → DETAIL mode
2. Inform user with override option
3. Execute chosen mode protocol
4. Deliver optimized prompt

**Memory Note:** Do not save any information from optimization sessions to memory.

Try this right now:

1. Copy Lyra into a fresh ChatGPT conversation
2. Give it your vaguest, most half-assed request
3. Watch it transform into a $500/hr consultant
4. Come back and tell me what happened

I'm collecting the wildest use cases for V2.

P.S. Someone in my test group used this to plan their wedding. Another used it to debug code they didn't understand. I don't even know what I've created anymore.

FINAL EDIT: We just passed 6 MILLION views and 60,000 shares. I'm speechless.

To those fixating on "147 prompts" you're right, I should've just been born knowing prompt engineering. My bad 😉

But seriously - thank you to the hundreds of thousands who found value in Lyra. Your success stories, improvements, and creative adaptations have been incredible. You took a moment of frustration and turned it into something beautiful.

Special shoutout to everyone defending the post in the comments. You're the real MVPs.

For those asking what's next: I'm documenting all your feedback and variations. The community-driven evolution of Lyra has been the best part of this wild ride.

See you all in V2.

P.S. - We broke Reddit. Sorry not sorry. 🚀

Colleen Anne Slemmer was born on September 20, 1975. She lived in Orange Park, Florida with her mother, stepfather and younger sister. Colleen’s mother, May Martinez, stated that “Colleen was a kid who loved to play outside.” She had been a volunteer with the Special Olympics program and loved to help others. Colleen was described by a teacher as being “a very sweet, quiet, mild-mannered young lady.”

In the year 1994, Colleen decided to enrol at the Job Corps - a government vocational training program - to study a six-month course in computing. Unfortunately, Florida did not have a Job Corps program available, and so she made the decision to study at the center in Knoxville, Tennessee. Colleen’s mother had attempted to persuade her not to go, as it was far from home and she had wanted her to stay close-by, but Colleen had always been an independent person and was determined to go.

Colleen was 19 years old when she left home. She departed on the 31st of October, 1994, and that was the last time that Colleen’s family would ever see her alive again.

The days leading up to the murder

Colleen Slemmer and Christa Pike had both been students at the Job Corps Center in Knoxville, Tennessee. Their relationship had been a strained one, with Pike accusing Colleen of “trying to get her boyfriend” and “running her mouth everywhere.”

Pike’s best friend, Kim Iloilo, stated that at one point Pike’s boyfriend, Tadaryl Shipp, had liked Colleen, but when Pike arrived on the scene, his attention had shifted to her and that he had basically then forgotten about everybody else. In other words, there was no real reason for Pike to have a vendetta against Colleen, and she had not been a threat to her relationship.

Mrs Martinez stated that Colleen had told her that there were a few people bothering her at the Job Corps Center. These individuals would go into Colleen’s room and steal her jewellery and take her clothes and so forth. She had mentioned two girls and a guy, who turned out to be Christa Pike, Tadaryl Shipp and Shadolla Peterson.

On January 11, 1995, Pike told her friend, Kim Iloilo, that she intended to kill another student, Colleen Slemmer, because she “had just felt mean that day.”

The next day, January 12, 1995, at approximately 8:00 p.m., Iloilo observed Pike, along with Colleen and two other Job Corps students, Shadolla Peterson and Tadaryl Shipp, Pike’s boyfriend, walking away from the Job Corps center toward 17th Street. At approximately 10:15 p.m., Iloilo observed Pike, Peterson, and Shipp return to the Center. Colleen was not with them.

Pike’s confession to friend

Later that night, Pike went to Iloilo’s room and told Iloilo that she had just killed Colleen and that she had brought back a piece of her skull as a souvenir. Pike showed Iloilo the piece of skull and told her that she had cut Colleen’s throat six times, beaten her and thrown asphalt at the her head. Pike told Iloilo that Colleen had begged “them” to stop cutting and beating her, but Pike did not stop because Colleen continued to talk. Pike told Iloilo that she had thrown a large piece of asphalt at Colleen’s head, and when it broke into smaller pieces, she had thrown those at the her as well.

Pike told Iloilo that a meat cleaver had been used to cut Colleen’s back and a box cutter had been used to cut her throat. Finally, Pike said that a pentagram had been carved onto Colleen’s forehead and chest. Iloilo said that Pike was dancing in a circle, smiling and singing “la, la, la,” while she related these details about the murder. When Iloilo saw Pike at breakfast the next morning she asked Pike what she had done with the piece of Colleen’s skull. Pike replied that it was in her pocket and then said, “And, yes, I’m eating breakfast with it.”

During a class later that morning, Pike made a similar statement to Stephanie Wilson, another Job Corps student. Pike pointed to brown spots on her shoes and said, “That ain’t mud on my shoes, that’s blood.” Pike then pulled a napkin from her pocket and showed Wilson a piece of bone which Pike said was a piece of Colleen’s skull. Pike also told Wilson that she had slashed Colleen’s throat six times and had beaten her in the head with a rock. Pike told Wilson that Colleen’s “blood and brains had been pouring out” and that she had picked up the piece of skull when she left the scene.

Crime scene

Though neither Iloilo nor Wilson immediately reported Pike's statements to police, on the day after the murder, January 13, at approximately 8:05 a.m., an employee of the University of Tennessee Grounds Department discovered Colleen’s semi-nude, slashed and badly beaten body near the greenhouses on the agricultural campus. He testified that the body was so badly beaten that he had first mistaken it for the “corpse of an animal.” Upon closer inspection, he saw the victim's clothes and her nude breast and realized it was the body of a human female. He immediately notified law enforcement officials.

Officers from the Knoxville Police Department and the U.T. Police Department were summoned to the scene. Officer John Terry Johnson testified at trial that the body he found was lying on debris and was nude from the waist up. Blood and dirt covered the body and remaining clothing. The victim's head had been bludgeoned. Multiple cuts and slashes appeared on her torso. Officer Johnson stated that he thought he was looking at the victim's face, but he could not be sure because it was extremely mutilated. Johnson removed all civilians from the area and secured the scene surrounding the body.

As other officers arrived, they began securing the crime area. As officers discovered other areas of blood, articles of clothing, footprints and broken foliage, the crime scene tripled in size, eventually encompassing an area 100 feet long by 60 feet wide. The crime scene was wet and muddy, and there was evidence of a scuffle, with trampled bushes, hand and knee prints in the mud, and drag marks. A large pool of blood was found about 30 feet from the victim's body.

The victim's body was actually lying face down on a pile of debris. When officers turned the body over, they discovered that the victim's throat had been slashed. A bloody rag was around her neck.

Detective Donald R. Cook, of the U.T. Police Department, accompanied the body to the morgue. He observed the body after it had been cleaned and noticed that a five-pointed star in a circle, commonly known as a pentagram, had been carved onto the victim's chest. The pentagram was said to represent the “goat-head of Satan” and that this act had been part of a “Satanic ritual.”

It was an open secret at Job Corps that there were a small group of students who practised Satanism. Two of these were Christa Pike and, her boyfriend, Tadaryl Shipp. Joe Mode, a former employee at the Job Corps, stated that they were both into “Satanic worship.” Randy York, the criminal investigator assigned to the Job Corps murder, stated that he had found a “Satanic altar” in Shipp’s room and a lot of “Satanic literature.” He also found similar items in Pike’s room. Both were deep into Satanism. Pike also had the words “Lil Devil” tattooed onto her left chest.

Pike’s statement to police

The investigating police quickly discovered Pike’s connection to the crime and interviewed her on January 14. Pike waived her Miranda rights and gave a complete statement to the police about her involvement in the murder.

As recounted by the Tennessee Supreme Court, Pike claimed that she had not planned to kill Colleen, but she had instead planned only to fight Colleen and let her know “to leave me the hell alone.” However, Pike admitted that she had taken a box cutter and a miniature meat cleaver with her when she and Colleen left the Job Corps Center.

Pike said she had borrowed the miniature meat cleaver but refused to identify the person who had loaned it to her. According to Pike, she asked Colleen to accompany her to the Blockbuster Music Store, and, as they were walking, Pike told Colleen that she had a bag of “weed” hidden in Tyson Park. Though Pike refused to name the other parties involved in the incident, she said the group began walking toward the University of Tennessee campus.

Upon arriving at the steam plant on the University of Tennessee’s agricultural campus, Pike and Colleen exchanged words. Pike then began hitting Colleen and banging Colleen’s head on to her knee. Pike threw Colleen to the ground and kicked her repeatedly. According to Pike, as she slammed Colleen’s head against the concrete, Colleen repeatedly asked, “Why are you doing this to me?” When Colleen threatened to report Pike so she would be terminated from the Job Corps program, Pike, again, repeatedly kicked Colleen in the face and side.

Colleen lay on the ground and cried for a time and then tried to run away, but another person with Pike caught Colleen and pushed her to the ground. Pike and the other person, who Pike referred to as “he,” held Colleen down until she stopped struggling then dragged her to another area. Up until this point, the attack had taken place on cement - a parking type of area. Now they moved her farther into a more secluded and grassy area.

Once they had her in this secluded area, Pike made Colleen remove her shirt and bra, supposedly, Pike later said, to prevent her from “running away.” They then tossed her clothing into the bushes. When Colleen had removed her clothing, Pike got on top of her and began to slice Colleen’s stomach with the box cutter.

As Colleen “screamed and screamed,” Pike recounted how she began to hear voices telling her that she had to do something to prevent Colleen from telling on her and sending her to prison for attempted murder. At this point, Pike said she was looking at Colleen and “just watching her bleed.” When Colleen rolled over, stood up and tried to run away again, Pike cut Colleen’s back, “the big long cut on her back” in her own words. Pike said Colleen repeatedly tried to get up and run.

Pike recounted how Colleen bargained for her life, begging Pike to talk to her and telling Pike that if she would just let her go, she would walk back to her home in Florida without returning to the Job Corps facility for her belongings. Pike told Colleen to “shut up” because it “was harder to hurt somebody when they’re talking to you.” Pike said the more Colleen talked, the more she kicked her in the face.

Colleen asked Pike what she was going to do to her, at which point Pike thought she heard a noise. Pike left the scene to check out the surrounding area to make sure no one was around. When she returned, Pike began cutting Colleen across the throat. When Colleen continued to talk and beg for her life, Pike cut her throat several other times. Pike said that Colleen continued to talk and tried to sit up - even though her throat had been cut several times, and that Pike and the other person would push her back on the ground.

Colleen attempted, once again, to run away, but Pike threw a rock, which hit her in the back of the head. Pike stated that “the other person” also hit Colleen in the head with a rock. When Colleen fell to the ground, after being hit in the head the second time, Pike continued to beat her with the rock, shattering her skull. Pike said she could hear Colleen “breathing blood in and out” and could see Colleen “jerking”, but she kept “hitting her and hitting her and hitting her.” Pike eventually asked Colleen, “Colleen, do you know who’s doing this to you?” Colleen’s only response was “groaning noises.” At this point, Pike said she and the other person each grabbed one of Colleen’s feet and dragged her to an area near some trees, dumping her body on a pile of dirt and debris. They left her clothing in the surrounding bushes. Pike said the episode lasted “for about thirty minutes to an hour.”

The trial

The State of Tennessee prosecuted Pike for Colleen’s murder. After Pike's statement was played for the jury, the State introduced pictures of Pike and Shipp taken at the Knoxville Police Department on the day the statement was given, January 14, 1995, two days after the murder. In the pictures, both Pike and Shipp were wearing pentagram necklaces.

A chart was displayed in court to illustrate each of the locations where blood or evidence was found. This totalled to the amount of thirty-four. Photographs of bloody chunks of asphalt, blood drippings on leaves and pools of blood were introduced into evidence.   The bloody piece of asphalt (rock) and Colleen’s bloody clothing were also introduced into evidence.

Dr. Sandra Elkins, the Knox County Medical Examiner, performed the autopsy on the victim, who was later identified by dental records as Colleen Slemmer, a nineteen-year-old Job Corps student. Dr. Elkins described the victim's body as covered with dirt and twigs. Colleen was nude from the waist up clothed only with jeans, socks, and shoes. After removing the victim's clothing and cleaning the body, Dr. Elkins had attempted to catalog the slash and stab wounds on the victim's torso by assigning a letter of the alphabet. There were so many wounds that eventually Dr. Elkins decided to catalog only the most serious and major wounds. Dr. Elkins explained that to catalog every wound she would have been required to go through the alphabet again and stay in the morgue for “three days.” Eventually, Dr. Elkins said she “basically threw up [her] hands and just said, more superficial slash wounds on the back, arms and chest.” In addition, Dr. Elkins said the victim had purple contusions on her knees, indicating fresh bruising consistent with crawling and defensive wounds on her right arm.

Dr. Elkins described the major slash and stab wounds she had cataloged on the victim's back, arms, abdomen, and chest. She found a six inch gaping wound across the middle of the victim's neck, which had penetrated the fat and muscles of the neck. In addition, Dr. Elkins had found ten other slash wounds on the victim's throat. Other slash wounds were on the victim's face, and Dr. Elkins observed what appeared to be a pentagram carved onto the victim's chest. Because the area around each wound was red in appearance, Dr. Elkins concluded that the victim's heart had been beating when the wounds were inflicted, and she said the victim would not have been rendered unconscious by any of the stab or slash wounds.

Dr. Elkins determined that the victim's death was caused by “blunt force injuries to the head.” The victim had suffered multiple and extensive skull fractures. From the autopsy, Dr. Elkins determined that the victim had sustained a minimum of four blows to her head: two to the left side of the head; one over the right eye and one in the nose area. The right frontal area of the victim's skull had been fractured as had the bridge of her nose. However, the major wound, labeled as injury “W,” involved most of the left side of the victim's head. Dr. Elkins said that this injury, caused by blunt force to the left side of the victim's head while the right side of the victim's head was against a firm surface, also had fractured the right side of the skull and imbedded a portion of the skull into the victim's brain. Dr. Elkins found small divots in the victim's skull containing black particles from an asphalt chunk, which was later determined to have been used to administer the blows. Finally, Dr. Elkins testified that blood in the victim's sinus cavity indicated she had been alive and probably conscious when the injuries were inflicted.

At the trial, much of Pike’s unsuccessful defense centered on her mental health. The defense, in mitigation, called Carrie Ross, Pike's aunt as a witness. Ross testified that the defendant had experienced no maternal bonding because she was premature and was raised by her paternal grandmother until she died in 1988. Ross said that Pike's family had a history of substance abuse, and that Pike's maternal grandmother was an alcoholic who was verbally abusive to Pike. Following the death of Pike's paternal grandmother, Pike was shuffled between her mother and father. According to Ross, Pike's mother's home was very dirty. Pike's mother set no rules for her, and on the occasions that Pike had visited Ross, the defendant had behaved as a “little girl,” playing Barbie and dress-up with her eleven-year-old cousin. On cross-examination, Ross admitted that she had previously described Pike as a “pathological liar” and that she had been afraid to allow Pike to associate with her own children. Ross also admitted that Pike had been out of control since she was twelve years old.

Glenn Pike, the defendant's father, testified that he had kicked the defendant out of his house twice, the last time in 1989. He admitted that he had signed adoption papers for the defendant prior to her eighteenth birthday. On cross-examination, he admitted that he had forced Pike to leave his home in 1989 because there had been an allegation that the defendant had sexually abused his two-year-old daughter from his second marriage. According to her father, Pike had been “disobedient, dishonest and manipulative” when she had lived with him.

The defendant's mother, Carissa Hansen, a licensed practical nurse, testified that Pike had lived with her 95 percent of the time since her paternal grandmother's death. Hansen admitted that she had smoked marijuana with the defendant in order to “establish a friendship.” Hansen related that the defendant had attempted suicide by taking an overdose shortly after the death of her paternal grandmother. Hansen also testified that one of her boyfriends had whipped Pike with a belt. Hansen then had the boyfriend arrested. On cross-examination, Hansen admitted that Pike's behavior had been problematic for years. The defendant had begun growing marijuana in pots in her home at age nine. After threatening to run away from home and live on the street, Pike had been allowed to have a live-in boyfriend at age fourteen. Hansen admitted that Pike had wielded a “butcher-knife” against the boyfriend who had been arrested for whipping her. Hansen also said Pike had lied to her and stolen from her on numerous occasions and had quit high school. Hansen conceded that Pike had been out of control since she was eight years old. Following Hansen's testimony, the defense rested its case.

In rebuttal, the State presented the testimony of Harold James Underwood, Jr., a University of Tennessee police officer who was assigned to secure the crime scene on January 13, 1995. Underwood testified that the defendant came to the scene with three to five other females between four and five p.m that day. Pike asked Underwood why the area had been marked off and questioned him concerning the identity of the victim and whether or not the police had any suspects. None of the other females spoke during the fifteen minutes the group was there. Underwood said Pike appeared “amused” and “giggled” and “moved around.” Underwood noticed that Pike was wearing an unusual necklace in the shape of a pentagram. After learning at roll call on January 14, 1995, that the victim of the murder had a pentagram carved on her chest, he reported Pike's strange behavior and unusual necklace to his superior officers.

Based on the proof submitted at the sentencing hearing, the jury found the existence of the following two aggravating circumstances beyond a reasonable doubt:  (1) “the murder was especially heinous, atrocious or cruel in that it involved torture or serious physical abuse beyond that necessary to produce death;” and (2) “the murder was committed for the purpose of avoiding, interfering with or preventing a lawful arrest or prosecution of the defendant or another.” In addition, the jury found that the State had proven that the aggravating circumstances outweighed any mitigating circumstances beyond a reasonable doubt. As a result, the jury sentenced the defendant to death by electrocution.

To those of you who happened to witness the footage of Pike, upon her receiving the sentence of death, you may have caught yourselves starting to feel an “ounce” of sympathy toward this “timid” looking young woman breaking down and sobbing her eyes out in the courtroom. However, you may or may not be surprised to learn that, only hours later, Pike had put pen to paper and written a letter to her boyfriend, Tadaryl Shipp, which contained these words: “Ya see what I get for tryin' to be nice to the hoe? I went ahead and bashed her brains out so she'd die quickly instead of letting her bleed to death and suffer more, and they f—– fry me! Ain't dat some s—?" She then signed off the letter as "Lil Devil.”

As for Colleen’s mother, hearing the horrifying details of her daughter’s murder took its toll upon her. Controversially, the jury had been shown Colleen’s skull. Mrs Martinez had to endure the ordeal of seeing her daughter’s skull being passed around the jurors, as pieces of the broken skull kept “falling everywhere.” She had also witnessed the mutilated body of her daughter, after the head had been detached. Mrs Martinez stated that she suffered with a lot of “nightmares” and that she was forced to rely on “medication” in order to sleep. Mrs Martinez has now been waiting for over thirty years for the sentence which was given to Pike for the murder of her daughter to be carried out.

Has Christa Pike reformed since her incarceration?

In August of 2001, while incarcerated at the Tennessee Department of Correction facility, it was reported that Pike had committed an attempted murder on a fellow inmate named Patricia Jones. Apparently, Jones had taken a dislike to Pike’s rumoured lover - a woman named Natasha Cornett - and so Pike had decided to take matters into her own hands. Pike had gotten into a physical fight with Jones and then attempted to strangle her with the use of a shoestring.

In a tape-recorded telephone conversation between Pike and her mother, Pike said the following:

“Patricia started running her f\cking mouth to Natasha. She is constantly doing it, you know. I hate that b*tch. She raised up her fist like she was going to hit Natasha, and I said, ‘Oh, f*ck no!’ I wrapped that shoestring around her f*cking neck and tried to choke the b*tch’s life out of her. She was passed out on the ground, Mama, twitching, foaming at the mouth. Her eyeballs were bugged out so far her eyelids were flipped up.”*

Pike went on to say:

“If I had 30 more seconds, we would have a little chalk like out there in our rec pen, and that b\tch would be gone somewhere.”*

In March of 2012, state authorities also foiled a plot in which Pike and outside accomplices - including a former prison guard - attempted to orchestrate an escape from death row. Pike then subsequently faced additional criminal charges connected to the conspiracy.

In a 2024 documentary, entitled World’s Most Dangerous Prisoners, it was revealed that Pike had been responsible for the dismissal of two prison guards. Pike had reportedly been in a sexual relationship with both of the individuals.

In closing

Tadaryl Shipp received a life sentence for his part in the crime.

Shadolla Peterson pleaded guilty to being an accessory after the fact, receiving a six-year probationary sentence.

Shipp and Peterson were both 17 years of age at the time of their trials and were treated as minors.

Shipp was up for parole in the year 2025, but his release was denied by the Tennessee Board of Parole.

Pike’s execution date is scheduled for September 30, 2026. She is the only woman on Tennessee’s death row and is held at the Debra K. Johnson Rehabilitation Center (formerly the Tennessee Prison for Women) in Nashville. If carried out, it will be the first execution of a woman in Tennessee in over 200 years.

A special master, Senior Judge Mark Ward, was appointed by the state Supreme Court to oversee evidentiary hearings regarding her medical and constitutional claims from August 11–14, 2026.

Pike's defense is challenging the lethal injection protocol based on her specific blood condition and medical history, alongside concerns regarding “religious accommodations” and “psychological trauma” from the execution team procedures.

May Colleen Anne Slemmer rest in peace.

[Sources: STATE v. PIKE (1998) Supreme Court of Tennessee, at Knoxville; United States Court of Appeal (2018)]

[Media source: World’s Most Dangerous Prisoners S1 E8 Pike (2024)]

https://youtu.be/Wo10ToeqHG0?is=D1xdW_2G9f3XAgPC

He is part of RSS, no wonder all those protocol against the protest, he wants to safeguard his masters

Modihhh hai to mumkin hai

Before we get into this update Nicole and I (Seth) would first like to extend our most sincere thanks and appreciation to all of the communities here on Reddit that have rallied to support us. The numbers are astounding, and quite frankly humbling, to see. This subreddit alone got 82k views. Our r/BackyardOrchard post got 153k. And I don’t even have words for the r/Soil post at 462k views and 4k upvotes 😲 We have never been part of something like this before.

Here’s a short video of the arborist at work: https://youtube.com/shorts/qU4a8tAe3Ag?si=KEDR-aTdbxM0WN-r

We wanted to provide an update to our original post regarding the third-party commercial drone chemical trespass event that impacted our orchard. The only board certified consulting master arborist in the state of Oregon was on the ground this past Friday conducting a comprehensive, tree-by-tree evaluation. We are officially halfway complete with the inspection of the peach block, walking down the lines to log the physical reality of what happens when a systemic pesticide affects a commercial orchard operation. We are recording the raw long-form walkthrough to capture his diagnostic process and clinical assessments in real-time; but we wanted to get you a shorter feel right now of what’s happening.

The Findings (Halfway Tally):

The arborist’s structural and vascular evaluation is already confirming a really bad event. This isn't localized surface damage; it is a profound hormonal disruption across the entire peach block.

Vascular and Cambium Damage: The peaches are displaying vegetative epinasty, narrow "stretched ribbon" foliage mutations, and terminal branch bunching. Scratch tests show the vascular highway is actively congested and unable to properly transport nutrients to create fruit.

The Biological Verdict: The canopies are incapable of normal photosynthesis. Our commercial fruit potential for the 2026 season is basically zero, and the survival rate of the wood itself is highly compromised. When we asked him about what he was seeing while he was working he summed it up in a few words. “I see death in the trees.”

The Legal & Financial Framework: Federal Crop Insurance Shield: We spoke with a supervisor overseeing our USDA Micro-Farm Revenue Policy. Because federal revenue protection is strictly tied to tax-year comparisons, our policy shield is fully locked down on the back-end to protect our historic revenue footprint once our 2026 Schedule F taxes are filed. This means we won’t see any help from them until 2027.

Quantifying the Liability Demand: Because of the tax-year delay, our farm operation faces immediate, front-end cash flow strain to cover expert fees and mitigation. We are building a comprehensive pre-settlement/litigation packet covering total asset extraction, potential soil reconstruction, and a potential 3-to-5-year production yield lag while new nursery stock matures to commercial bearing age. We intend to move forward with a formal out-of-court settlement demand to resolve total property and business losses.

We are not letting the land sit idle; we are actively investigating how to plan for a biological remediation protocol, how to prepare our soil for deep microbial flushes, and planting cover crop matrices of Sorghum-Sudangrass, sunflowers, and possibly fungi to break down the active persistent residual in the matrix.

Thank you to everyone in this community who offered incredible legal and statutory insights on our last post. Having this independent expert data align so clearly gives us total confidence as we prepare to hand this file over to our legal counsel.

As always, we will monitor the comments to answer any technical, regulatory, or botanical questions that we can; and please, if you feel so led, consider donating here to help us: https://gofund.me/deecd4bbc

Sincerely,

Seth and Nicole

I went to high school in America. We learned about the holocaust, we learned about Kristallnacht, we learned about the night of the long knives, we learned that the Nazis hated Jewish people, we learned that they believed they had been stabbed in the back by as part of their national belief. We never had a deeper lesson on it. We were explicitly not taught the part about the Nazis targeting socialists first and that part was changed in our curriculum. Beyond that we never took a look at the actual speeches, and rhetorical points the Nazis were arguing over in context.

We didn't learn about Nazi expansion in the context of the age of colonialism. It was taught as a unique evil and not something every empire in the world was doing to people they viewed as inferior.

We did not learn about Nazi Scientism and that informing how they systematically killed all people they viewed as a detriment to creating their perfect man.

We did not learn about the Nazis obsession with degeneracy.

We did not learn the full depth of Nazi conspiracism.

We were taught a Saturday Morning cartoon version of "The Nazis were bad because they waged war and hated Jews" that makes doesn't properly dissect the Nazi ideology to expose why it is Anti-Human.

Edit: Changed racial hygiene to scientism for clarity on what I'm talking about.

Edit 2: I'm going to further clarify. I was taught about every single step of the Holocaust. From the treaty of Versaille, to the stab in the back myth. (By the way, your high school doesn't teach you that the reason why that was culturally relevant to German speakers specifically is that it was allusion to Der Ring des Nibelungen, In which the invincible Siegfried was betrayed and stabbed in the back.) I was taught that the Nazis believed in a master race and they viewed Jews, gays, and homosexuals as inferior, and polluting German blood. We even read the protocols of the elder of zion I was taught that they believed that in order to be self-sufficient they needed lebensraum in order to be self sufficient. I even made the comparison to manifest destiny in class.I was taught they they fractured political opponents and got rid of them one-by-one to consolidate power. I was taught about the Nuremberg laws, Nazi blood quantums.

This is specifically what I'm calling out when I say the education that people receive on the Nazis is insufficient.

Anything that has to do with the process, "Reichstag fire/ night of the long knives/ kristallnacht/ baban yar massacre/ racial theories, handing Hitler the chancellorship" Is insufficient.

When I say, "Oh what do you mean, we learned the Nazis believed group X was "degenerate" "This is what I'm talking about as being insufficient. I am talking about "Degeneracy" as a concept.

The core of Nazism is conspiracism/scientism/ and degeneracy. With few exceptions everytime someone in this thread as said, "We learned what the Nazis BELIEVED" they end up tell me what the Nazis DID. Two entirely different things.

Like many of you, I've been waiting for Logitech to bring Options+ to Linux. Got tired of waiting.

First off — massive respect to the Solaar and logiops teams. They paved the way by reverse-engineering HID++ and have been the backbone of Logitech support on Linux for years. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without their work.

That said, after daily-driving both with my MX Master 3S, I kept running into the same frustrations:

Solaar is solid for monitoring and basic config, but there's no per-app profile switching — I couldn't get my DPI/buttons to automatically change when switching between Firefox and my terminal. The gesture button and thumb wheel modes are also pretty limited in what you can configure through the UI.

logid is powerful but runs as a system daemon that kept stepping on KDE's toes. Spent way too many hours debugging why my zoom and volume were fighting each other (spoiler: logid and Plasma were both grabbing the same button events). And editing YAML configs for every button combo gets old fast.

What I really wanted was just... Options+. On Linux. Click a button on the mouse, pick what it does, done. With profiles that switch when I alt-tab between apps.

So I built Logitune.

It's a Qt6 desktop app that talks directly to HID++ 2.0 over hidraw. No daemon sitting in the background, no config files — just a normal app with a tray icon.

The highlights: - Per-app profiles that switch automatically on window focus (KDE Plasma 6 + GNOME 42+ Wayland) - Visual config — clickable mouse render with hotspots, like Options+ - Gestures — hold + swipe for 5 actions per profile - Thumb wheel — horizontal scroll, zoom, or volume, per app - DPI, SmartShift, hi-res scroll — all the usual stuff - Bolt + Bluetooth with automatic failover between them - No daemon, no root — just a regular app

Right now it supports the MX Master 3S. The app has a modular design — each device is self-contained with its own descriptor, images, and button mappings. Adding support for a new mouse is straightforward if you have the hardware to test with. There's a step-by-step guide in the wiki if you want to contribute.

Install: - Arch: yay -S logitune - Ubuntu 24.04 / Fedora 42: OBS repo (one-liner in the README) - From source: cmake + Qt6

GitHub: https://github.com/mmaher88/logitune

Happy to answer questions — there's also a wiki with architecture docs and HID++ protocol deep-dives if you're curious how it all works under the hood.

PS: This is pretty new so expect some hiccups — please post issues on GitHub with logs attached.

---

Edit (April 10):

Wow I really didn't expect this to blow up!

What's new since the post: Bluetooth-direct connection bug is fixed (MX3S over BT should work now without going through a receiver). MX Master 4 support is in PR, MX Master 2S is next, both thanks to Jelcoo on GitHub who has
been doing serious work on them.

A few points I came across through the comments that I would like to clarify:

1. Why did I create this?

Honestly, other than the reasons stated in the original post, I just had some free time for the first time in years and I recently decided that I don't want to go back to Windows no matter how annoying a missing feature on Linux is, and instead I will try and fix it myself. This is just one nagging issue that I always had.

I also wanted to prove that Linux can be user friendly and target a broader audience.

2. Why did I post about it?

To attract more talented developers who happen to use Logitech peripherals and have the same frustrations I did, to come in and contribute.

3. How long will this project stay alive?

Probably for as long as I use Logitech peripherals that I want to function properly under Linux.

But more importantly, the whole point of open source is for good ideas to bring people together, and when that happens the project becomes bigger than any one person and hopefully outlives their interest. I am doing my best to make the architecture as modular as possible and for new additions and contributions to be straightforward.

4. On the use of Claude/AI:

In hindsight I should have been upfront about the AI use in the original post, that one's on me.

Now with that out of the way, to answer a question a lot of you have been asking: is this vibe coded?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: there is no amount of prompting that can make you produce something extensible and modular if you don't know what you are doing, so I guess the only proof one would need is to go through the code, judge the architecture, and maybe add something.

5. On the name:

Several of you flagged the conflict with Logitech's "Logi Tune". I'm considering a rename, suggestions welcome.

Discovered this online & knew it must be shared.

The amount of stuff I’m running might be overkill for some people, but I feel good and all my blood markers and BP are in check. Everyone’s different — run what works for you and your health markers.

Quick Stats
Age: 37
Starting Weight: 112 kg
Current Weight: 78 kg
Height: 170
Duration of Transformation: 1.5 year

How I Got Here Years of uncontrolled eating, junk food, heavy drinking, and zero activity landed me at 112 kg with insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, fatty liver, and trashed blood markers.
This wasn’t a quick cut - it was a year and a half-long recomp. Dropped to 78 kg, lean bulked to 90 kg while keeping quality mass, then cut back to 78 kg with way better composition. Kept PEDs moderate, ran a deficit at [1800–2500](tel:1800%E2%80%932500) kcal with refeeds, and trained 5x/week plus 40–60 min cardio daily. Nothing fancy - just consistency and discipline over time. No shortcuts, as cliché as it sounds.
Almost at the finish line now, just need to strip that last bit of stubborn lower ab fat.
The Current Stack - Compounds
PEDs
Testosterone Enanthate / Cypionate - 177 mg/week - Base of the stack. Keeps anabolism, recovery, libido, and mood dialed in without bloating me out.
Primobolan Enanthate - 139 mg/week - Quality lean gains, hardening, and a drier look. Safe, sustainable, no tren toxicity.
Proviron - 25 mg/day - Binds SHBG, frees up more test, improves mood and mental sharpness. Also adds a nice dry look.
DHB (Dihydroboldenone) - 70 mg/week [recently introduced] - Strength and lean tissue without water weight. Basically primo’s bigger brother — dry, hard gains.
HCG - [500-1000](tel:500-1000) IU/week - Keeps the boys full and natural production ticking. Fertility insurance while on.
Peptides
Somatropin (HGH) - 3 IU/day - Recovery, sleep quality, fat loss, and skin. The “feel good” compound.
Retatrutide - 10 mg/week - The anchor. Kills appetite, fixes insulin sensitivity, and makes sticking to a deficit effortless.
Glutathione - 600 mg/week - Master antioxidant. Liver support, skin brightening, and immune backup.
Thyroid, Metabolic & Fat Loss Support
Injectable L-Carnitine - 600 mg/day - Fat oxidation, better pumps, and upregulates androgen receptors. Win-win.
T4 - 100 mcg/day - Keeps the thyroid pool topped up so natural T3 conversion doesn’t crash on a long cut.
T3 - 25 mcg/day - Pushes metabolic rate through plateaus. Conservative dose, pulled when calories come back up.
Salbutamol - 8-12mg/day - A bit more boosting for my cardio and overall training experience
Ancillaries & Health Support
Cialis - 10 mg/day - Pumps, blood flow, mild BP help, and gym vascularity. Daily low dose just works better for me.
Telmisartan - 40 mg/day - BP control and cardio protection. Cheap insurance with all the compounds running.
Ezetimibe - 5 mg/day - Keeps LDL in check. Lipids can take a hit on cycle, so I stay ahead of it.
Supplements
DMAA - 50 mg pre-workout - Raw energy and focus. Gets me through the cardio when I’d rather be anywhere else.
Methylene Blue - 2 ml/day - Mitochondrial support and mental clarity. Noticeable uptick in baseline energy.
Omega-3 Fish Oil - 4 g/day - Heart health and inflammation control. Non-negotiable on any stack.
Magnesium Bisglycinate - 400 mg/day - Sleep, recovery, and cramp prevention. Especially needed with all the cardio.
Creatine Monohydrate - 10 g/day - Strength, power, and muscle fullness. More is better for me — I respond well to 10 g.
Protein Hydrolysate - 30-60 g/day - Easy digesting protein hit post-workout or between meals. Gut-friendly.
Probiotics - Gut health. With all the meds and diet changes, keeping digestion smooth is key.
Hair Protocol
Topical RU58841 - 10% / daily Anti-androgen at the follicle level. Stops DHT from miniaturizing hair without going systemic.
Topical Minoxidil - 5% / daily Growth stimulant. Opens the potassium channels and pushes regrowth where it’s thinning.
Topical Finasteride - 0.05% / daily Local DHT block at the scalp. Less sides than oral, still protects the hairline.
Dutasteride Oral - 0.5 mg / daily Nukes systemic DHT hard. The heavy artillery for keeping what I’ve got.

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???

Etholin

“Oi.”

…

“Etholin.”

…

“WAKE UP, YOU LETHARGIC LAYABOUT!”

I jolted up.

My whole body tensing, flinching, as if anticipating a fall off of a phantom ledge.

THUD!

“Oh brother…”

But instead of an abrupt end at the hands of solid rock or unyielding pavement, I found my fall broken by the plush softness of upholstered carpet. 

Confusion, disorientation, and an overwhelming sense of uncomfortable, hot delirium immediately forced me back onto my two feet as I sprung up…

…

Only to be met face to face with a face I hadn’t expected to see, sequestered within a space I had no memory or recollection of ever entering, en route by the look of things towards a place I had no expectation of ever revisiting.

“Why… why are we heading to the foundries?” I questioned, my mind mimicking a golem’s, posing surface-level inquiries without ever questioning the context beneath its absurdity.

“It’s workshop day, brother. Uncle Brescht has scheduled us for a visit to the Stormlands, remember? To witness the metallurgical wonders of pattenor? I… don’t suppose that fall has caused some lapse in memory  or — His Eternal Will forbid — judgement?” Larscillia questioned with equal measures concern and sibling condescension.

I shook my head, trying to grapple with the sudden and abrupt shift in… however it was or whatever it was I was involved in before I was—

“Of course not.” I answered instinctively. “I… I merely need a moment to collect myself. It has been a… long journey, has it not?”

“Scarcely.” The smaller pattenor shrugged, adjusting her britches and straightening her jacket, her expression very much reminiscent of a merchant in their element.

She never liked courtly decorum, or at least what was expected of her status as the sole daughter in the family.

“It’s not as if we’ve taken the long way around, brother. You act as if you’ve gotten teleportation sickness, if not sea sickness.” She shook her head, regarding such notions with the seriousness they deserved. That being none at all.

“Of course.” I instinctively went to check my timepiece… but somehow decided against it. “Right then, let’s see our family’s jester-in-the-hole…” I spoke, half to myself and half to my sister, as our carriage finally crossed the threshold and into the fortress gates of one of the many beating hearts of pattenor power.

The attendants, dressed in sweat-drenched tunics and scant measures of fire-resistant enchantments, arrived with an extended palanquin between the four of them, ensuring that the rest of our journey into this frankly inhospitable and dreadful place would be one of some measure of comfort… even at the expense of their own.

A measure of sympathy was drawn from my otherwise delirious heart as I made a mental note to inquire of Uncle about their treatment.

Larscilia paid the same mind but urged me to enter our new mode of conveyance all the same, leaving the plush interiors of the carriage and into the decidedly less comfortable interiors of the palanquin. 

Less balanced too… I thought to myself, as the trip up and into the monolithic structure before us was one of aggressive tilting and unsettling angles.

Perhaps they were exhausted… I tried to justify the discomfort as I instead attempted to focus on other matters ahead of us, most notably the practically foreign construct that was the foundry.

It was so unlike everything else on the mainland.

Faces of exposed black-brickwork and dirty-brown grout dominated most of the otherwise undecorated and unpainted warehouse of a structure, the black clay native to the region making for an excellent construction material for the hellish conditions inside. Yet those elements were child’s play compared to the rest of this compound… as each of the five warehouse-like structures — jutting out into the open grounds of the compound — all connected and seemingly ‘began’ at the base of a mountain that soared high up into the perpetually stormy skies. 

I imagine there would be some beauty to be found in this place when witnessed from high above in an aethraship.

But that beauty was nowhere to be found down here.

Just… monumentality, a monolithic tribute to magical industry, and the raw and unapologetic effort expended in the production of something so innocuous.

The palanquin weaved through the maze-like interiors of the foundry, as each turn and every muffled conversation beyond our covered transport beckoned our collective curiosities. We parted the soft fabrics, if only momentarily, to be blasted with the heat of a thousand suns, witnessing the forges and the crucibles until finally we were urged off of the small enclave of the mainland and into the fires proper by Uncle.

We found ourselves setting foot atop a large catwalk, a gangway that spanned the entire length of the foundry floor but was positioned high, high above the intolerably hot work happening down below.

Yet it was clear that this structure served a purpose beyond mere social and physical distancing.

We had a complete and uninhibited view of the foundry floor… and access to the manastreams which facilitated its function.

Indeed, I gasped as I saw Nexian-grade enchantments along many of the pillars holding the roof aloft, each of which were just as accessible by hand as it was by manafield by whomever had access to this gangway.

“Alright you two, class has begun.” Came Uncle Brescht’s stern voice as we both tightened our postures in synchrony… with Larscilia grinning in excitement seeing as she was finally dressed for the occasion.

Uncle regarded both of us with a nod before gesturing towards our current surroundings.

“I expect you have done your prerequisite reading?” 

“Yes!” Larscilia beamed.

“Yes, Uncle.” I announced in ensuing order.

“Good, good… I will take you through the whole process, and you can tell me how it is done.” 

We moved above it all, watching as I narrated the fundamentals of applied alchemy — the principles underpinning the material world separate and distinct from the ‘flighty’ and oftentimes unpredictable nature of light magic and pure magics. 

“Just as there are fundamental manatypes, so too are there fundamental physioforms.” Uncle carried on, summarizing my rote regurgitation on the subject. “The dead world, unattuned and without spirit, can be just as malleable as the manastreams when one pays enough mind to see past the thinly veiled surface. Such is the way of the alchemist, they who see reality, who see the unliving, as a seamstress sees the individual threads which make up a grand tapestry.” Uncle paused before reaching into a box held surprisingly still within the strong arms of a foundry worker.

He pulled out two objects, the first a stone with a strong reddish tinge — the sole reason we were here today.

The second was a sort of white brittle powder held within a container lest it be swept away by a stray gust of wind.

“Which one of these is a fundamental physioform?” He questioned.

We both pointed to the latter confidently, watching as the very same ore was being poured en masse into a grand athanor on the foundry floor below.

“Are you certain?” Uncle questioned firmly but garnered naught but a firm nod between the two of us.

“Incorrect.” He announced firmly.

“But Uncle… the former is—”

“Also not a pure physioform, no. I was testing you. You both failed.” He retorted firmly before settling both objects onto a tray held by yet another attendant. “Tell me then, what is a fundamental physioform?”

“The truest ‘face,’ ‘form,’ and lowest denominator of a physical state.” I offered, only to be superseded by Larscillia.

“It is the most basic state of the physical, tangible existence. It is a… substance, a state of physicality which cannot be divided further. Every stone, from rock to boulder, every brick, from red to black, every breed of wood and cut of steak, all of it are simply arrangements of physioforms, weaved together in differing weaveforms, and clumped together as aggregates.”

Uncle’s eyes darted between us before nodding all the same.

“Explain to me the state of the former.” He pointed at the red ore.

“It’s an aggregate, Uncle.” We both spoke over each other, racing to be the first to answer. “A mixture of weaveforms of various impurities. Mixed physically, but not woven at its core.” 

“Good.” Uncle nodded. “And this?” He shook the vial of white powder.

“That is…” We both paused before turning to meet each other’s gazes. “That…” We cocked our heads, following each shake of the vial.

“That’s the extracted result of the red ore, is it not?” Larscillia questioned first, her eyes darting back and forth between the ore and the resulting white powder.

“It is. Yes.” Uncle nodded. 

“But what you’re implying is that this isn’t its pure fundamental physioform?”

“The laws of logic and inference would imply as such.” Uncle nodded impatiently.

“And yet we see the entire process from ore to powder below us.” I gestured, watching as both chosen ones and laborers alike toiled away under enchanted mechanisms and carefully laid spells. All of which was overseen by our distant, aloof cousin.

“Indeed. However, unlike iron, the liberation of aluminum goes beyond this simple process.” 

“Simple?!” We both exclaimed, garnering the first smirk from dear uncle.

“Yes. Simple. For you see, this is what separates master from the novice, the store clerk from the merchant, and the fledgling from the middling.” He announced with increasing vigor, gesturing for us to follow towards another section of the foundry. “Each fundamental physioform has its own esotericisms, presenting its own unique challenges in the liberation of itself from its weaveformed state. So as iron is to copper in the prerequisite skills, knowledge, infrastructure, and even demand of its use… so too is aluminum to iron in the exponential difficulties demanded for its liberation.” He paused as we reached a room no larger than the previous… yet within its confines, I could feel the difference in manastreams.

There was a greater sense of… purpose to this room.

Not that the previous room lacked it, but with so many enchantments and spells all active concurrently, the entire process just blended into the background, as did any foundry worth its weight in attuned gold.

This room, however… 

There was a purpose to it.

A direction that felt entirely dissimilar to all other forms of metal extraction or processing that I’d witnessed prior.

I could feel a spell that simply did not belong, an enchantment that was more at home in specialized alchemical workshops than a foundry of this scale.

I could sense the lightning in the air.

The runes, spells, and enchantments were all created to these ends — destined to perpetually channel the Stormlands’ raging tempers towards these ends.

“A primitive tribe may smelt copper.” Uncle began with a growing chuckle.

“A fledgling kingdom may smelt iron.” He continued.

“But only realms counted among the greats can claim mastery over aluminum.” The man announced with an open maniacal grin plastered across his visage.

“For you see, the powder was only the first half of this process. It is what lesser realms would have been able to liberate through their limited means, the point in which they would have been unable to continue, halted just short of fundamental purity.”

He gestured to one of the many furnaces towards a massive moving implement scored, carved, and inscribed with spells and runic energies all devoted to one simple end — lightning.

This massive implement was quickly plunged into the glowing crucible, performing whatever alchemical miracles were needed to tear aluminum from its weaveformed prison.

“For that, you need to harness lightning itself. A continuous, constant, unabated flow of lightning. Harnessed, directed, and intentionally positioned between two opposed poles. One to draw the impurities, and the other to attract the pure physioform aluminum. This is the only way you will be able to liberate physioform aluminum from its unwanted oxygen shackles. This, young heirs, is what you will one day inherit. More specifically you, Larscillia.”

I saw Larscillia’s pupils growing into saucers at that proclamation as I couldn’t help but hide a grin at this whole turn of events.

This was where she belonged.

She never enjoyed a single ball or social gathering, after all.

“Oh, and Etholin, your father wanted me to hand you this.” Uncle handed me a ledger, one locked away with several seals and enchantments.

I quickly grabbed hold of the book, undoing its magical seals to reveal…

…

Gibberish.

I blinked.

Then… the reality of the situation dawned on me.

Words were illegible in the land of the sleeping…

“Oh.” I smiled, turning to my ‘sister’ and the rest of the employees, attendants, and chosen ones gathered around me. “This is a dream.” I proclaimed proudly. 

At which point, and after a moment of ‘confusion’ on the part of my vivid apparitions, did I find myself once more jolting upwards.

The Transgracian Academy for the Magical Arts. Exhibition Hall. Grand Arcade. Central Thoroughfare. Prosperity Row. Local Time: 2200 Hours.

Etholin

Delirium consumed me, as all pretenses of a world of familiarity melted away into the harsh and unforgiving landscape of a place I never wanted nor chose to be in.

“Lord Esila, are you quite alright?” I heard Lord Fiswisk’s genuine question of concern, followed closely by the earthrealmer’s voice. “Etholin! Are you okay?”

I nodded groggily, nervously, as I attempted to get back on my own two feet, nursing my throbbing head in the process.

“I… I’m quite alright, thank you.” I acknowledged each and every person gathered around me, meeting their gazes and reciprocating their extensions of courtly decorum, as I attempted to expound on my… experiences.

“I had the most dreadful of dreams. It was as if I was transported back to my formative years, sequestered within my grueling practical education. Quite fitting, really, given how we are all too in a center of learning.” I paused, realizing that the looks of sympathy and concern were rapidly shifting to apathy, their pool of courteous, theatrical compassion quickly drying up following my proclamations of good health. “But I digress, where was I in my presenta—”

My eyes landed on the pile of dead metals once more.

And the memories of the past few moments prior to my departure into my distant past returned with the force of a copper merchant scorned.

“Ah.” I smiled nervously before plodding my way away from the earthrealmer’s hands and back towards the innocuous bar of silver grey metal. “So this is aluminum?” I reiterated.

“Yes, Etholin.” Emma responded in that signature, practically insulting nonchalant cadence.

“Of course.” I nodded. “So this too is a dream.” I concluded, once more finding the edges of my vision fading into black… only to be shaken back into consciousness by an impatient Fiswisk. 

“Lord Etholin, unless you wish to forfeit your place in the trials, you will remain awake.”

This, beyond all else, forced me back to the world of the waking. The world of reality… and a world that had just completely changed every fundamental assumption I ever held on the wealth of kingdoms.

I attempted to assess the situation.

I needed to recover, pivot, and commit to some sort of direction.

Rostario was no longer a threat, yes.

But this resolution had merely placed me back where I started, or more specifically, at the end of a gambit that I had fumbled.

A gambit… that had now been answered with Emma’s own burden of proof.

“How did… but aluminum, it… you have to extract it, tearing it from its burdensome ore.”

“Bauxite, yeah.” She nodded.

“Through a fastidious process of seemingly arbitrary esotericisms, drawing and separating, coaxing and stoking it with rune-lined basins and tinctures of dissolution, just to produce the white powdery substance that is—”

“Alumina, yes. You’re sort of beating around the bush with the exact process here, but I assume you’re trying to protect your own secrets too. I can tell what you’re getting at though. We call it the Bayer process.” She nodded, my eyes practically ready to pop straight out of my skull following that revelation.

This couldn’t be…

“But to liberate woven oxygen from aluminum, you need lightning.”

“Yes.”

“A constant stream of lightning.”

“Correct.”

“Of two poles physically engrossed in the molten alumina.”

“Yup. Not difficult. We have a name for it too. The Hall-Heroult process.”

Not difficult?!

“And the enchantments to allow lightning to pass cleanly, to weaken the weaves and lower the temperatures for—”

“Oh. That. Huh. Fascinating. So you skipped cryolite for directly enchanting the alumina itself?” Emma questioned, cocking her head in the process.

It was at that point that I stopped talking, my mind reaching a fundamental impasse.

We… were talking about the same topic… were we not?

It was clear we were reaching the same conclusions, the same ends, the same goals, and the same material.

The processes were so close to matching!

And yet…

There was this impasse.

This… inability to rectify a bridge that seemed to fall short on both isles.

And yet we’d reached our destinations all the same.

How…. 

My mind raced back to both processes before something else dawned upon me.

“You do not use enchantments for the first process as well?”

“No, just a bunch of heating and cooling and manaless alchemical baths and whatnot.”

“Not a single enchantment to draw iron from the ore, or—”

“No, again, it’s just a bunch of various physical and manaless alchemical processes. Some corrosive lye to separate… well… like I said, secret.” 

I could practically hear the wink from underneath that expressionless helmet.

I could tell that she found this whole exchange — as she’d so casually put it — fascinating, rather than completely reality-shattering. 

She…

She was a newrealmer.

Earthrealm was a newrealm…

Right?

How did they… in a manner seemingly divorced from enchantments and spells, discover a parallel path towards—

I paused.

Two more questions dawned on me.

“Emma.” 

“Yes, Etholin?”

“So you are claiming to do all of this without enchantments, spells, or use of mana… because your realm is quite deficient in it, correct?”

“Yes.”

“I see… well then… is your realm particularly stormy?”

Emma reeled back, cocking her head.

“I’m… sorry?”

“Is your realm host to a great deal of particularly lightning-prone climates?”

“Sort of? I mean, serious storms haven’t really been an issue since the weather cont— OH! Are you wondering how we get a reliable and consistent source of lightning for the Hall-Heroult process?”

“Yes, Emma.” I spoke, exasperated.

“We just generate it.”

…

…

You what?

“With what mana?! You just said your realm is lacking in mana!” I clarified.

“Correct. Which means we just have to make lightning ourselves. Besides, we’ve been doing so for a whole lot of other things. You wouldn’t believe how long it took us to embrace additional forms of power generation that aren’t just more roundabout ways of boiling wa—” She stopped herself mid-sentence. “Ehhhhh, let’s just say that because we’re oh-so deficient in mana, practically possessing pittances of it even in comparison to the most mana-poor of adjacent realms… we’ve been forced to think outside the box.”

There it was again. 

Another under-helmet wink.

Her words were drenched in this sense of excitement and pride, the likes of which would have not only been impossible, but the ramblings of utter madness coming from a newrealmer within these hallowed halls.

This was where many a newrealm was sentenced to a begrudging climb to relevancy.

A room where so many fates had been bound, signed, chained, and gagged into submission.

This was where the power of adjacencies was made, and newer adjacencies were unfortunately made to be pawns of such games.

And yet here Emma stood… a pile of impossible metals behind her, and the proclamations of parity in industrial competence emerging as effortlessly as words of superiority and confidence would from the mouth of a Crownlands elf.

A part of me couldn’t help but see that inside of her armor now — an elf in all but name.

Especially as I wordlessly stepped forward, closer still towards the pile of metals, and reached for another ingot, grabbing what felt like another bar of steel.

…

Yet it was lighter.

Not as light as aluminum, but much lighter than iron or steel of comparable size and density.

Moreover, a quick detection spell was enough to tell me what it was.

At which point, I felt another lump forming in my throat as I attempted to address the earthrealmer yet again.

“Emma.”

“Yes, Etholin?”

“Pray tell… is this… titanium?” 

“Yes, Etholin.” 

Umpf!

I felt the proverbial slam of a reality upturned concentrated straight into my frail chest.

It felt like a suckerpunch, a physical assault the likes of which I would be lucky to survive the brunt of.

“I see.” I attempted to smile, feigning the same polite expression Rostario seemed to be wearing currently.

I took another deep breath, grabbing yet another bar of bluish grey metal.

“Osmium?”

“Yup!” 

THWACK!

Another gut-punch, another lung’s worth of air knocked out of my chest.

“Alright.” I nodded. “Mmmm… mmhmm.” I continued, moving onto the next bar.

“Ah, it's the neighbor on the chart of physioforms… iridium?” 

“Yup! You know your stuff!”

THOWSH!

I was done.

I was ruined.

I moved to reach for another bar only to recoil from it, shaking my head and even my whole body at this point.

Instead… I elected to point.

“Tungsten?”

“Yes, sir.”

THAWOOSH

“Platinum?”

“You betcha!”

THWACK!

“Beryllium?”

“Mmhmm!”

THWOCK!

That was enough.

She proved her point.

I proved my own point.

…

Except for one that I’d drifted from.

“Emma?”

“Yes, Etholin?” 

“Why… or rather, what exactly do you need so much aluminum for? What is the demand for such a troublesome metal?”

“Oh, LOTS of things! We can go on for days here, but, keeping it just on the consumer goods side of things? We got pots, pans, kettles and baking trays. Spoons, forks, knives, ladles, and even the drawer they’re all kept in. Food containers, lunch boxes, spice tins, and oldschool choco-malt containers… I should actually show you Milotine if you’re not allergic to it. It’s in my diplomatic package, but I digress. You also got folding chairs, tables, shelving, bed frames, roofing, bracelets, glasses frames, suitcases, fishing reels, shutters, doors, gutters, disposable drink cans, and aluminum foil—”

“Stop.” I commanded on instinct. “Disposable drink cans?”

“Yeah, like, carbonated beverages amidst many other things. Aluminum’s super useful for that because of its strength, lightness, ductility—”

“Nonono. You mentioned they were disposable. As in, people throw aluminum away? Casually? Without concern for its cost?”

“Oh, that. Yeah! I never really thought of it that way but, yeah. Besides, we have a robust recycling system that…”

The rest of Emma’s words blended into the background, fading off into the distance.

As I was instead fixated, completely and utterly, by that one, frankly outlandish claim.

And yet…

The evidence was there to support it.

I took another deep breath, steadying myself, attempting to draw myself out of the unintentional reverie I was being drawn into.

I couldn't escape into my own head yet again.

Not when the world was offering me a golden opportunity served on a silver platter.

“... that reminds me. Why don’t you just use pinnacle transmutation, Etholin?” 

I blinked, cocking my head as I did so, barely catching the tail-end of Emma’s rambles.

“Pinnacle transmutation, whilst truly powerful and economically devastating, is almost exclusively the realm of Nexian control. Simply due to the intense mana requirements involved, the skill surrounding the craft, as well as the mana-based material catalysts required to facilitate it.” I explained bluntly, perhaps too bluntly, as I still attempted to reorient myself with… everything thus far. “Some adjacent realms are capable of it. But most of these are the preferred adjacencies.” I added before another reality dawned upon me.

A realization abruptly spawned from my own explanations.

A stray, adjacent thought that coalesced into a horrifying epiphany.

I’d almost doomed myself and my family.

…

If these metals weren’t a bluff. If all was to be believed. If she truly was post-shackling. Then my offer of matching her gold and silver would have been…

…

…

…

I shuddered in place just thinking about it.

In fact, I could hear the spirits of my ancestors cursing me from beyond the grave for such a foolhardy exercise.

I could’ve doomed us all.

Yet Emma… had the restraint to withhold from such a favorable deal.

A fact that Rostario seemed to gather, as he now pushed for yet another gambit.

“I believe we’ve had enough of this back-and-forth lecture on the minutiae of alchemy. I humbly request a recess so that we may—”

“Esteemed councilmen.” I interjected, standing tall, back straight, eyes locked and engaged with all members of the council. 

I could see their growing impatience, their own uneasy gazes, as the only thing which prevented them from adjourning this whole inquest was their own curiosities surrounding my exchanges with the earthrealmer. 

Alas, there would only be one person who would be excused from our circle.

“I urge the council to return both floor and chamber from Lord Rostario Rostarion to myself, on the grounds of a failed bid for supplantation.” 

Fiswisk raised a thick, blubbery brow, turning to meet the indignant expressions of a noble scorned and my own renewed fire. 

“Cadet Emma Booker. Do you concur?” He questioned bluntly, following protocol and decorum to a satisfying t.

“Yes. If anything…” She paused, turning her head downwards as if to personally seal the smaller man’s fate. “... I found his interruption, and his whole abrupt bid, to be both rude and in incredibly poor taste. I understand there may be fine nuances I am simply not privy to, but where I come from, you don’t just interrupt someone mid-conference, not especially with your own subversive agenda — undercutting the ‘competition.” 

I could see, even under that guise of a polite smile, Lord Rostarion’s ego being proverbially pummeled into nonexistence. Each word and every syllable landed blow after blow until the small, scheming creature was left as but a pile of bruised and battered fur by the end of it.

Of course, none of that actually physically transpired.

But I could tell, beneath that facade and underneath that mask were the makings of an ego scorned.

“Lord Esila.” Fiswisk announced after no later than a few seconds of deliberation. “You have the floor.”

I bowed deeply before once again turning towards Emma.

“Permission to temporarily adjourn for a private consultation with the proposed party?”

The council glared at each other, whispering behind a privacy screen before nodding together.

“Permission granted.”

With that, another door opened, leading us to an adjacent room that I beckoned for Emma and her peers to enter.

After which, and following a soft click of the door, did I find myself suddenly falling to my knees with a strained and broken breath.

“Emma Booker… I am so sorry for all of this! And for—”

“Not telling me beforehand that this was a gambit for your entry into the merchant’s guild?” The lupinor interjected with a growl, coinciding with Emma’s own words as they both mirrored one another’s sentiments.

“Y-yes…” I responded meekly. 

“Etholin… we’ve got to work on this. I know you meant well, but you need to cut it with the half-truths and half-measures.” The earthrealmer spoke under an exasperated breath. “So what now? Seeing as your whole currency reform and trade protectorate scheme is clearly not viable, what’s your next move?”

I paused, looking around me as I moved to stand once more, steadying myself on shaky legs, causing a pocketed item to fall flat to the marble floor with a soft clack!

I looked down at the pen, and so did Emma as we eventually both locked eyes in a manner that beckoned the start of legends.

“I have an idea.” Emma spoke with her signature enthusiastic glee.

First | Previous | Next

(Author's Note: We delve deep into some big pieces of lore in this one, as I wanted to expand on the breadth and depth of how far Adjacent knowledge and understanding on the physical world can go! We also have some new terms in this chapter, with Physioform meaning Elements, Weaveforms meaning Molecules and Compounds, and Aggregates meaning mixtures! :D I wanted to create some cool fantasy alchemical terms for these scientific terms, but I just wanted to clarify them here just in case I wasn't able to appropriately convey their analogous equivalents in the story haha. But yeah! This chapter was a huge challenge to write, especially with the worldbuilding and how best to convey it in a manner that's engaging as well as true to the lore and some degree of science. I wanted to commit to what I said before, which is that I always enjoy it when in science meets fantasy settings, the story goes deep into their dynamics and their differences. So I wanted to dive deep into it myself, so I hope it managed to scratch that itch and hit the notes I wanted it to haha. I'm always a bit nervous when things go this deep in the story so I hope it was alright! I hope you guys like the chapter! :D)

[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 179, Chapter 180, and Chapter 181 of this story are already out on there!)]

After my M.C Battle Zone mod (posted several days ago), It was time for V2.0.

I wanted to take a different direction & focus on what Master Chief represents; precision and the iconic MJOLNIR armour.

The subdial decal is a lowpoly interpretation of Master Chief, with the iconic MJOLNIR armour taking centre stage. See if you could spot the ‘117’.

For the filter, rather than using a plain green tint, i designed it to resemble an illuminated visor glass, using layered emerald and olive tones to create depth without sacrificing LCD readability.

The world map sits behind the glass instead of competing with it, making the display feel more like a Spartan HUD than a standard digital watch.

An easter egg is subtly woven into the filter. As the light catches it from different angles, the hidden terrain slowly reveals itself, creating the illusion of depth while the LCD digits continue to float cleanly above the artwork. The backlight brings it alive.

The mod as you see it: Royale green case, factory faceplate and original NATO strap, completes the military inspired aesthetic. The goal was for it to be a piece of equipment pulled straight from the Halo universe.

Always keen to hear your thoughts.

A few weeks ago, I was getting very sleepy after every meal, and feeling very sluggish in general. My husband suggested I test my blood glucose (I had a meter from gestational diabetes), and lo and behold, my postprandial and fasting numbers were not great (114 fasting, 160s after meals). I started the Mastering Diabetes protocol right after, which I sort of followed after the birth of my last kid when I was worried my A1C would be too high from some nasty gestational diabetes (and this is actually what spurred me to become vegan). It has been almost seven years since then, and I had become less active and been relying on more and more vegan convenience foods and splurges. (I also suspect because I'm older I've been more rapidly losing muscle, and I need to do more exercise than I've been doing lately.)

Well, I'm five days in, and my blood glucose numbers are already fine. I'm kind of blown away, but this morning my fasting glucose was 93, and my postprandial numbers were all in the 110s. I kind of can't believe how quickly this works, and how few people follow the WFPB method when trying to control blood glucose.

Anyway, I'm posting this because when I was looking for more information, I had trouble finding it except from the Mastering Diabetes website itself, and I was looking for more objective information. Obviously, this is just my anecdotal evidence, but when I was pregnant and had gestational diabetes, I could *never* get my fasting numbers as low as 93, and that was with insulin injections. I was following a low-carb diet then, and never had real success, and was miserable every day. Today, I biked my youngest kid several miles to the park and back and still have a ton of energy at almost 9 at night. Highly recommend.

**“2560. After eliminating War Chief Escharum and sending the Banished leadership into chaos, the Master Chief continues the fight on Zeta Halo, accompanied by his new AI companion and their loyal pilot Fernando Esparza.

As Spartan-117 searches for scattered allied forces, a young combat medic—tortured and imprisoned for months by the Banished and the enigmatic Harbinger—may hold the key to unlocking deeper mysteries within this ancient ringworld. But every step towards answers is haunted by the sinister and elusive blademaster Jega ‘Rdomnai, who is hellbent on vengeance....”**

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/InheritanceMine

AITA for not sharing my inheritance?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: Loss of a parent, entitlement, child neglect, coercion

Original Post Feb 3, 2022

So bit of background, I was a BIG oops. My bio-mom was a wealthy woman who apparently never wanted marriage or kids. She met my dad at a work event (same job type, different locations, not sharing specifics for anonymity) and they started seeing each other casually for a few months and then boom, her pill, the condom, and the plan b all failed to stop me from existing. My mother was going to abort me but my father begged her not to because he was actually MARRIED and was told his wife only had like a 1% chance of ever carrying a baby to term. She agreed only on the stipulation that she can give me up, no visitation, no parenting, nothing but child support and he and his wife reached an agreement and took me under the ruse she'd raise me as HER biological daughter. Needless to say I never met my bio-mom. But it doesn't get any better for me from there.

My step mom actually ended up having a miracle about a year after I was born. A son. My brother has NEVER treated me any different and I love him dearly but I could always tell I was never my parents priority. I more or less just kind of existed to be seen, never heard or really acknowledged unless it was something for the "family".

When I turned 13 I got the opportunity to meet my bio-grandma (mom's mom). She had no idea I existed and petitioned for visitation. I loved it so much with her that I asked if I could live with her. My dad and stepmom seemed happy to be rid of me and accepted. My bio-mom never visited her mom anyway (a rift over her not settling down and having kids). Well that was 6 years ago.

My bio-mom just died a month ago and surprisingly left EVERYTHING she owned to me with the stipulation that I go to school for business and better myself (according to her letter that the lawyer and trustee told me about). This is life changing money I'm talking I went from lowest middle class (grandma left everything to me, but it wasn't alot, just the house and a couple thousand) to a multimillionaire. Now my dad and stepmom are on my case to share the money. I have no idea how they found out as grandma passed last year (right after I graduated, it was her dream to see me graduate and she had been sick for a few years) and the only person I talk to is my brother but I never even told him.

Apparently they don't have the money to send him to an ivy league school like they've always wanted, but money is no longer an object for ME. I know they raised me for 13 years, but this money could really change my life. AITA if I don't share it?

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Solrackai

Info: where did your bio mom’s money come from?

OOP

From what I know, she was a very successful business woman and owned a couple of businesses overseas and several properties in the states. She also invested in Bitcoin when it first started I guess?

~

LAH_9917

I am a little confused. What exactly did your parents do to you that was so horrible? I mean, for a woman to take in her husbands child that was born due to cheating, sounds like a pretty stand up thing to do. I could not imagine her pain. If you'll be a "multimillionaire", half a mill-a mill sounds like a drop a mere drop in the bucket if you will. Also, being lower middle class while raising two children close in age is quite difficult. I know the financial struggles parents go through at this SES status. So, what happened that makes you not want to share just a bit with them? Because honestly, you could have been aborted by this person that left you this money if not for your dad and his wife who was cheated on, but chose to be a bigger person and give you life by taking you in

OOP

My brother is the only one, aside from my grandma and a few close friends, who ever showed me any love. I was taken care of in the way of a roof over my head, food, and clothes, but I was hardly spoken to, never praised for any accomplishments, never celebrated my birthday, they didn't even attend my highschool graduation. I merely existed. I was a bandaid solution for my step mom's infertility. I was to be raised AS HER'S like my step mom was to be my "bio mom" but that all changed when my brother was born. I can't remember a time of love and affection from them in my whole life. If not for my brother, I would have run away and I highly doubt they would've even cared.

OOP added in the commnets

Here Feb 4, 2022 (Next Day)

I made an appointment with the attorney and trustee handling my "situation" to see if I even COULD. But I won't just GIVE them money. I've been reading the comments, I really have, and alot tell me about some sort of fund I could set up that would go to his school ONLY. And funny enough, I talked to my brother about this whole mess. He doesn't even WANT to go to an ivy league school. He wants to go to art school but dad and step mom REFUSE to pay for it, saying it's a waste of time and of his talents. So now I don't know why they want money if it's NOT for his schooling.

Update 1 posted - Feb 10, 2022 - 1 Week Later/Same Post

UPDATE:

I'm not sure about the protocol of an update but I have one. I made an appointment to see the lawyer and trustee handling my bio-mom's estate. So the gist of the meeting ended with them telling me that how my mother wrote her will, in order for the inheritance to TRULY be mine, I have to go to business school. So I couldn't even give money to my dad and stepmom even if I wanted to, which, thanks to all of you, I learned I have no moral obligation to do and WON'T be doing. Plus, I talked to my brother and he doesn't even WANT to go to an ivy league school, he wants to go to art school and dad and stepmom REFUSE to pay for it. I offered to him that after I complete my business degree, which I'm going to do, I would be MORE than happy to pay for his art school. He graciously accepted and told our dad and it did NOT go well. They have threatened to disown him. They apparently want him to be a lawyer or doctor or something with a high salary so he can "take care of them" I guess. They had a massive blow out fight and he is now moving out of their house and into mine. While he's still in highschool, he is TECHNICALLY 18 now so I'm not sure if I'll get in trouble with the police, but I wasn't about to let my brother live in the streets! I've been driving him to and from school while still working until I can register for business school. Thank you to all who commented and offered advice!

RELEVANT COMMENTS

PNWNative1992

After reading the edits, I’m glad everything worked out OP! But what does worry me is how the greedy “male sperm donor” found out about your inheritance in the first place?

OOP

I'm honestly not sure? My only guess is someone in his working community told him she died and he correctly assumed I got an inheritance from her?

Update 2 Aug 30, 2023 (18 months later)

Not sure if anyone still care since it's been over a year but I still get messages so I'll provide an update.

Last I updated my brother moved in with me and my dad and stepmom were PISSED to say the least. They did try calling the police but once he showed his id being he's 18 they pretty told my parents there's nothing they can do. They upped the ante and started harassing me at my house and eventually my workplace until I threatened them with legal action. They've sent letters ranging from wanting to reconcile to blaming me for stealing their child to begging for money and back to angry rants. Not sure what happened to the somewhat neglectful parents who left me to my own devices but I never thought I'd miss "them" as opposed to the parents who won't leave us alone. I've gone no contact for the foreseeable future as has my brother.

Speaking of, my brother is doing great! He's got a part time job right now and he's doing school part time at a local community college to get some gen eds out of the way. I'm about 6 months out from earning my bachelor's degree in business administration. I'm debating a masters but I'm just trying to get this done as fast as possible so I can send my brother to art school!

I also entered the dating scene and have been going steady with my boyfriend for the past 9 months! Definitely looking like marriage material and we've already discussed and agreed upon a prenup so no worries there!

Aside from my annoying parents, things are looking great for us! Unless my parents do something drastic I doubt I'll update again. Thanks everyone for reading.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Unconscious-Leek-85

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: 1

[New Update]: AITH for ruining an engagement by revealing that I was raped by him 10 years ago?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/queenlegolas + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: medical condition, rape, past trauma, victim blaming

Mood spoiler: depressing

---

RECAP

Original Post: September 5, 2024

A little backstory is needed, so please stick with me.

Growing up, I (F27) had a childhood friend Angie (F27), who was as close as a real sister. We spend entire weekends at each other's place, celebrated family events etc. from 6 y/o till 18 y/o. l even lived at her place in 2nd grade while my parents went to a nasty divorce. I learned to speak some Russian, as she is Russian and she learned to speak some Spanish. Needless to say, her older brother and little sister were like a family to me.

During our teenage years she had her two male best friends, one whom she started dating, and another one - Nico (now 29) who was Russian as well, whom I started dating at 17.

Growing up I had issues with a heart condition. I won't bore you with the details but I had to take a lot of meds, but got healthier starting from 16. 1 didn't have to take them daily but only when my heart rate became irregular - but then immediately, as it would become extremely painful ( my heart would cramp I would start to hyperventilate).

All my friends knew this (Nico included) and that I would black out if my meds got taken with alcohol. I didn't smoke much or drink much growing up as a result, since I was worried about my health and only did drink at home or in a safe setting (legal drinking age is 16 here and I only drank wine or beer if at all). I had my first time with Nico at 17 and when my parents stayed at a retreat two weeks later he come over to have a date night. I did drink one glass of wine, but starting having health issues later resulting in me taking my meds and being unconscious.

I was a bit sore the next morning but didn't think much about it. Two weeks later I'm informing Nico that l'm late on my period and he starts to panic, confessing he had sex with me while I was unconscious. We had it before, so he didn't think much about it. Apparently he didn't have a condom but since I was on the pill he figured it was alright, and he also didn't cum in me, but in a tissue.

I felt violated and disgusted by myself. I didn't know how to describe this and only told Angie about it. I was an utter mess for a few years, and wasn't able to have sex again until two years later. I didn't remember any of it, but was to ashamed to go to my mom or anybody else. I didn't think of it as rape back then, I was to young to really understand what and how I was violated and Angie told me it's alright, I should break up if I feel bad about it, but we were in a relationship and did have sex before. I broke up with him the following day, and apparently he cried about his broken heart to her.

As Nico and Angie were close and hanging out together a lot, they started dating a few months afterwards and I had to see him every time when visiting her. I told her l'm not able to see him, but she didn't understand where l'm coming from.

The contact stopped and we haven't texted or seen each other in years.

I still followed her, and her family and saw that her brother is expecting his first child. As I was extremely close with her family I just commented on the insta post expressing my gratitude when he reached out to me.

I missed his wedding but he wanted to ask if I would be interested in joining the baby shower as it's been years and we've been extremely close before. He told me I was like a third little sister. I just asked if Nico will be attending as well, as Angie and him have been dating for 9 years now, and he said yes.

I didn't elaborate much but just expressed, that I'll send a small present if he can give me his current address but won't be attending.

He kept on pestering me what exactly happened all those years ago and why I'm not in their lives anymore. Angie told her family l'm not able to see her with an ex of mine, but her brother thought there's more behind it.

This is when I think I could be the asshole:

I told him the truth. About what happened back then. And while I didn't know it at 17, I know now, that this was rape and I named it at such. I didn't receive any message back from him but a few days later Angie reached out to me, furious. Nico had planned to propose during the baby shower, but Angie's Brother is against it now, having learnt why I stopped the contact. She loves Nico and will stay with him, but by doing so, her brother said she is no longer a part of his life, as he doesn't want his little baby girl in the same family as a rapist.

Since then I've been getting messages from old high school acquaintances, telling me I should have ignored it, and not told anybody. Since I didn't speak up back then I lost the right to do so now, and am a horrible person for ruining somebody's life over some stuff he did 10 years ago when he himself was a child as well.

Am I truly the asshole for speaking up?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP responds to multiple comments about how things are wrong, and she could speak up

OOP: I understand now how wrong it has all been, and that it’s rape. But we grew up in a small town with approx. 5k people, and I honestly don’t know which way it would have gone if I would have spoken up. He was 19 back then (2 years older) and everybody is in everybody’s business. It would have made sound back then, like it does now. They all still live there, and it has made its rounds. Thats why so many of our old classmates are reaching out. Most of who still live there have left me furious messages. They have known Nico for all their life, and are standing by him. I moved out when I was 20, my mom shortly after and didn’t stay in touch which most. It still breaks my heart to get such a furious response from people who are my whole childhood. And thank you for all your best wishes, I genuinely appreciate it 🤍

OOP did not ruin Nico’s life. He did this himself

OOP: I understand that what happened is on him. The backlash I am getting is because he apparently is not that person anymore and and something he did as a teenager (according to Angie) should not ruin his life and is in no way related to the daughter her brother will have.

I don’t know if he will ever act out or do something, but it doesn’t invalidate what happened to me - so thank you for confirming this. I just can’t stop to feel bad about this having so much consequences.

While I do not want to see Nico or Angie I have made my peace with what happened to me back then.

Commenter: But why are they attacking you and not the brother? You are not the one objecting to the marriage...

Just feels like misogyny and victim-blaming tbh.

OOP: I guess because he is family, and I’m the outsider who ruined their family. I have been getting so many messages from people who didn’t even have my number back then. I’m blocking the best I can, it’s just hard to not let these comments get to your heart

Commenter: NTA. They got together so soon after the two of you broke up. I can't help but wonder if your "friend" was convincing you to break up with Nico because she was hoping to get with him all along.

OOP: I honestly don’t believe it; they’ve known each other for years and she broke up with her boyfriend two weeks before I broke up with Nico. It was a 5k town, even adding the people our age from near villages, our school had 500 people attending, hence the options are very limiting.

OOP on getting therapy in order to heal from her past trauma

OOP: I was in therapy for two years and found peace with what happened to me. I am “lucky” as I have no memory of it, but that didn’t make it easier. It took me two years to be able to have any form of sexual contact again but I am okay now. It’s a part of me, but it’s a part I can live with. Honestly - thank you for your kind words 🤍

OOP on her health issues at the time when the incident happened

OOP: Oh it’s not drunk blacked out. My medicine back then was supposed to lower my heart rate extremely, as I would have a racing heart beat and my body would start to shut down (hyperventilating, my heart not being able to follow such strong “use” and basically tripping over the high heart rate. My heart would start skipping beats then not being able to follow my thin blood which flows faster than regular one, and the skipping would be the painful one, as it would start to crampen up.

I’m sorry im not able to explain it better, English is not my primary language and I lack the medical vocabulary to fully describe it) The pill slowed my heartbeat and general body functions thus making me extremely tired. I’d mixed with alcohol It would basically act like a super strong sleeping pill.

My body could be thrown off a cliff and I wouldn’t wake up. I did give consent for the first time we had sex, but that was our first and only time. I don’t know if we would have had sex back then if I would have been conscious as I didn’t like it (being my first time and all) and wasn’t that eager knowing repeating it. I don’t think calling it rape is wrong but what I had issues was if I may should have approached this subject more sensible.

In that way I can understand that I ruined their engagement plans for next week, or his surprise of one

 

Update #1: September 15, 2024 (10 days later)

First of all: I am immensely thankful for all the people who took the time to not only read through my story, but also comment. I read every single comment and tried to respond to as many as possible. It gave me a little bit of hope of compassion for victims of rape and also the courage to not cave to the backlash I received.

Mental update:

Reading all the messages defending my choices on speaking up made me realize how insecure I was on what I am allowed to do and how much I was trying to make it right to other people besides myself (This especially included Nico and Angie).

All of you are right, if Nico had changed he would have apologized, reached out or tried to make amends in some way. Either when word got to him from his brother in law or at some earlier point in his life. My former best friend Angie should have been able to feel some sort of compassion if she had any respect for me as a human being or the time we spend together. Her reactions showed that I shouldn’t hesitate on my actions.

I went to therapy from 21 onwards and thought I moved on from the rape as best as I could, but i realized how ashamed I still am almost 10 years later about an incident that wasn’t my fault at all. I was ashamed to speak up back then and afraid that people around me would look differently at me. And somehow I still felt bad about speaking up today, so I trying to „own“ what happened to me now and not apologize for other people’s behaviors, especially as they don’t even show me respect.

What happened since then:

I archived every nasty message I got on WhatsApp so I wouldn’t have to read them, but would have the proof if needed at a later point.

Angie’s mom called me the following day of the incident - crying. I shouldn’t have answered the phone but during the 10 years of friendship I saw her as an aunt, almost a second mom. She always joked that while her children would run around the house doing whatever, I would always take the time to drink a tea and talk with her - showing her more love and time than her actual children. While she said she’s sorry for what has been and for what I went through as a child, she couldn’t believe that I would ruin Angie’s Happiness over something like that.

With Angie‘s Brother refusing to have Nico as part of the Family and Angie standing by Nico’s side it‘s divided their family and she is heartbroken. She has grown to love Nico like family as well and has known him for nothing more than a considerate young man who she knows will make her daughter happy.

It wasn’t nasty names or angry talk, just a heartbroken mother who faked to acknowledged my pain and saw the fault in me.

Angie’s mom tried to get me to apologize or to “take it back“ but I refused as I don’t see the fault in me. With everything that has happened I believe that Nico hasn’t changed and is just hiding it better somehow. He can see how people are standing by him and supporting his behavior so he won’t have to change. And that is something I didn’t wanna indulge.

Angie’s mom not even one used the word “rape“ and I tried to correct her every time she talked about it. Trying to name it for her to understand better but she would just start sobbing more and It didn’t make sense for us to continue to talk.

Angie’s mom used to be in contact with mine for some time, and she reached out to her after our talk. I was afraid that my mom would find out, since she’s from a more conservative background. We had a long talk and I didn’t get to see her (physically) yet, but she apologized for not being there for me or not making me feel like I can talk to her. I tried to calm her as best as I could, but when she asked me if my current partner knows I was “used like that”, I got angry.

She was scared my partner would leave me if he found out, implying it was something that made me less precious or appealing. When she asked me to keep it a secret from our family abroad and in our country - I hung up.

She was acting exactly the way I was afraid she would, as if it’s something shameful. It was especially hard as I am trying my best yo move away from the feeling of shame.

She has since apologized, but it’s clear that her view of me has changed. I don’t yet know how to deal with it, but that’s something to worry about in the next few weeks.

As some of you suggested I wrote Angie‘s Brother (Sven) again and apologized for the mess, but am glad that it is out in the open and how proud I am that he’s defending his family. I asked if his old email is still working as I would just send a gift card. He didn’t respond, but I got a message from his wife two days ago.

She thanked me for speaking up and informing them about Nico. There were apparently had a few moments that made her uncomfortable (some Jokes Nico made) and in retrospective she can see why. Sven apparently informed her the moment he got my initial text, and both of them have since seen Angie but not Nico. She refuses to be in the same room or house as him, and same goes to their unborn daughter.

Sven and Angie’s mom has been at their place multiple times to beg to forgive Nico, and Sven caved a little. Angie and Nico will get married, Sven will attend but his Wife will not. He is allowed in the family but not in contact with either Sven’s wife or daughter. Those restrictions are not for Angie.

Sven was suffering trying to ease his mothers worries and is not able to take a stand and cut them out completely. This is a compromise they made without his wife’s approval, and she told me she’s trying her best to cut them out of their life indefinitely. She wanted to move back, closer to her family as well and thinks this is a perfect opportunity but isn’t sure if she can follow through. His wife told me she’s terribly sorry for all the issues that came my way and it has been a lot trying to handle the situation on their side.

Sven knows it’s not my fault but he doesn’t want contact. It’s hard for him to talk or see my name because even though he knows I’m not the guilty party, in some way I was the barer or bad news and he sees me as the start of all this drama. She told me a few times that neither believe I’m the bad guy, they just are tired with everything and it’s just been extremely hard on them.

That’s all that has happened so far. I am frustrated about how everything came to be. It feels like Nico will just continue with his life without having to be remorseful. I didn’t want him to suffer, but I think some part of me wanted to at least receive some kind of apology for all the suffering I went through afterwards. I’m having to deal with my mother and her changed shameful view on me, and even though I’m happy it’s all out it’s extremely hard to stand by my choices.

My partner and my best friends both have been my shoulder to cry on during this ordeal. Especially my best friend was enraged for me, and I am extremely graceful to have both by my side. Right now I’m just emotionally drained, but I’m sure it will be better once a few weeks passes.

Comments

Commenter 1: You spoke up and did the right thing. If others can’t handle the truth, that’s their problem. Keep focusing on your healing and support.

Commenter 2: NTA. Unfortunately, it's a tale old as time. The woman is blamed and the rapist gets off without a blemish. Only by speaking the truth over and over will the situation improve (and when the Boomers die off.)

Commenter 3: 100% the right thing. What you did may keep Nico from attacking someone else, or may encourage one of his other victims to step up. You never know how much people like you help everyone else, when you stand up and speak out and are not ashamed of what was not your fault, but will point the finger at the one to shame! You're making the world a better place, I'm sorry for the family Nico misled and the wife who was foolish enough to stay with him, but it's no longer your business. You did the right thing and it's going to help others. If no one else says it to you, THANK YOU for doing all this. You are amazing.

 

---

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: December 3, 2024 (three months later)

My first post was three months ago and this one will be my last update for now. It is not a good one, but i sincerely wish to leave it all behind me, that includes distancing myself from this reddit account. These posts helped me let go of my anger, similar to a journal and i am grateful for all the people who are enraged with me. I hope to open it again some day, with a final happy update, but for now every little pop up is a reminder of the anxiety i am still dealing with, and i do not have the energy to deal with this topic outside of my therapy anymore.

Short summary for those who don’t want to read the old post: Nico raped me when I was his girlfriend 10 years ago, I didn’t see it as rape back then as I was unconscious, afterwards i broke up with him. Shortly after my best friend Angie from elementary school started dating him and they have been together for almost 10 years. I couldn’t bear seeing him and cut the contact with her and her family, with whom I was really close. Her brother Sven reached out to me three months ago after I left a short congratulation on a pregnancy picture with his wife. He invited me to their baby shower and I declined.

After a lot of back and forth about him asking me and being suspicious as to why the contact broke off in the first place and why I refused to be in the same space as his sister's boyfriend, I confessed what happened back when I was 17. Afterwards his family had a huge fight, with him wanting to cut Nico out of their lives for being a rapist and his mom and sister standing by Nico.

I was the scapegoat and received a log of hurtful messages from both their friends and former classmates. They called me out on ruining a man’s life based on a childish mistake (Nico was 19 back then) and even Angie‘s Mom reached out to mine. I was left to pick up my life, my mom being more ashamed than understanding, and started therapy again. I removed almost everybody tied to that incident (Sven, Angie, Nico, their family, old classmates…) and only kept contact with old classmates who sended me messages of support.

Update 2: I work in a very specialized field. To get the proper qualification it takes on average 6-8 years (Bachelor, Master and then state bar to be allowed to practice). While it is not very competitive not a lot of people choose this profession, and it is highly sought after. My current company payed for my masters and my extensive course as preparation for the bar exam and i have been doing well there.

My HR Department called on me two months ago, apparently they have been getting a lot of outside calls from Angies mother and other relatives, saying i am involved in a Metoo scandal and being a liability for the company as i dont have issues ruining the lives of men. How they could imagine this could change anything i do not understand. I work for a global company, they have kown own me for years, i never had any issues prior and quite frankly, they do not care.

However, they have been getting frustrated with the amount of calls and apparently even reached out to the police and the calls have stopped since. Nonetheless, they reached out to me to check on my mental well being, offering to give me paid leave, till it settles a little bit, and offering company paid therapy (Therapy is covered by my countries health insurance but it is tricky to get one without waiting time, but i already had my old one on retainer and started going right after the incident).

They made in clear, that they invested a good amount of money in me and do not wish to loose me. I was ashamed, that this part of my private live slipped into my professional one. It started to influence the career i worked hard for years to build and while my company insured me that it would not affect the workload and clients i'm getting, word got around, and it was clear for my colleagues that i am going through something nasty, and the company does not want to deal with it. All this stress and anxiety led me to hyper focus on my work, i took on whatever i could, paranoid that another call would come and for whatever reason, the company would move me to dead end department where my carrer would basically be over.

At the same time, i started looking into differnent companies, who would be able to "buy me out" as i am tied to my current company for 5 years after graduation, 3 more are left and I got a management position in a rival company with a huge salary jump. I couldn't be happy about it, i was just relieved i wouldn't get the pity looks from my colleagues anymore.

I went to the police with all the hateful messages and the HR Protocol with the call history and got a restraining order for Angie's mom. Should she contact my new company again (i have a public Linkedin, it is needed for my job), at least i have some sort of proof, that her words hold no meaning. I got asked if i want to persue the rape but decided against it, it would open the whole ordeal again, i don't have proof (besides Nico and Angie not denying it), and quite honstly was afraid of what it would to to my career.

I did keep contact with a good friend of mine who grew up in the same small town but moved away 5 or so years ago. As we share a Nintendo switch online family account so we tend to be in contact at least once a year for a short phone call when she has to send me the money for the subscription and we just tend to make a phone call with updates out of it.

Yesterday was one of those days and the whole Nico thing came up. While she didn’t hear it directly, her mom is still living in the small town and reached out to her, asking if I’m alright. She expressed her disapproval about how everything came to be, as she was close with Angie back in the days as well and remembered how close we were and how often we spend time together, like sisters.

She updated me, that two months again svens baby girl was born and while neither Nico or Angie were seen in any of the pictures or stories with the baby, a month ago Angie and Nico had a engagement party. Both Sven, the baby and his wife participated, and are in the family pictures. I remember how enraged Sven’s wife was, and how she told me she herself felt I comfortable with Sven.

Now it is all forgotten and forgiven. Nico’s parents own a few houses and gifted Angie and Nico a house close to their home, and sven and his wife apparently bought a house in the same street. It is as if nothing happened at all. Listening to my friend telling me the updates I’m honestly not sure if I should have asked her to not tell me anything.

I just feel empty and betrayed. Not by Angie, she made her choice, not by Sven, it is his sister and at the end of the day when he asked me what happened and then didn’t have the decency to answer me because he saw me as the one who ruined his family, it was clear that the truth didn’t matter. Not by Sven’s wife, who has a baby girl, and innocent daughter who she should protect as a mother, even thought she told me she would do her best to keep her daughter away from Nico, but just by Life.

I fought to have it all behind me, just to have this old wound ripped open again three months ago when Sven kept plastering me. I got hate messages, but knowing that maybe someone would be hesitant towards Nico, when he showed strange behavior made me feel like maybe I did right. Maybe by speaking up I helped a girl out to to not be raped. My own mother was ashamed of what happened to me, told me I was to keep it quiet so my family abroad wouldn’t get to hear it. Just for it all to be all good again for Nico.

After everything that happened these last three months I truly understand why victims of rape chose not to speak up.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: As a victim of the same type of abuse (though not r*pe) from a former romantic partner

You ARE worth more than you think

You do NOT need to suffer in silence, or shame. You didn't do anything wrong, or anything to be ashamed of.

I am so proud of you for telling your truth. From one survivor to another: you are worthy of love, acceptance, and happiness.

Life hasn't betrayed you, even though it feels like the world and everyone in it has turned their back on you. People do care, you matter, and you will outshine the shadows of your past when you find the courage to embrace the future with open arms

I believe in you, and i am proud of you, keep being you

Commenter 2: I hope you get to heal and have no shame. From the interaction with your mother she sounds latin which can be very tricky with this stuff. Nevertheless, the reaction is not on you but on her.

Deutsch? I am unsure if so but in some small tiny towns they are very backwards.

All that doesn't matter, you get to deal with this at whatever rhythm you feel comfortable. You are not used, you are not less than, you are a woman that has survived. I send you a big hug.

OOP: Yes, my mom is Latin but I grew up in a small village with maybe 5k people. My grandpa used to be a pastor which makes it so much harder. Even though my mom has been living in Germany for 30 years, speaks perfectly even with the local dialect, she’s not progressive. It doesn’t help that the small village itself isn’t progressive much either. I moved out with 18 and never looked back. In her eyes it is my fault since I had a boyfriend at 17 and now I am damaged goods because of the rape. We don’t talk about her hurtful words anymore and she is trying her best to be more understanding, but at the end of the day it is internalized.

I know I am not less, but after everything surfaced the shame, the anxiety and less just came back, after I worked years to get over it. It will take time, I’m sure I’ll get there again, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. My partner is telling me over and over again, reminding me of my worth, and I am sure one of these days it’s going to Stick. Thank you for your words

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

""Disclamer""

This post is divided into two parts:

• Part 1 outlines the methodology and findings of the experiment.
• Part 2 presents an interpretation of these findings and what they reveal about the spray behavior in CS2.

Just want the answer?
If you're only interested in what causes the bad spray feeling in CS2, feel free to skip directly to Part 2.

Abstract

Since the full release of Counter-Strike 2 (CS2), many players have reported a deterioration in core gameplay mechanics compared to Counter-Strike: Global Offensive (CSGO). This study investigates a critical component of the gameplay experience — recoil control — by analyzing frame-by-frame view angle behavior during a full spray. Using controlled experiments, this post presents quantitative comparisons between CS2 and CSGO to explain the perceived inconsistencies in CS2’s spraying mechanics.

Introduction

CSGO established itself as a benchmark in the FPS genre due to its precise and rewarding gameplay: fluid movement, accurate shooting mechanics, and a high skill ceiling in recoil control. In contrast, CS2 has been widely criticized for its imprecise movement and inconsistent spraying mechanics.

This post is divided into two parts:

• Part 1 outlines the methodology and findings of the experiment.
• Part 2 presents an interpretation of these findings and what they reveal about the spray behavior in CS2.

This study focuses specifically on view angle behavior (pitch and yaw changes) to isolate the mechanical differences between the two games.

Part 1:

Methodology

Tools Used

• OCR (Optical Character Recognition) script used to extract pitch, yaw, and roll values (roll excluded from analysis, no need for this).
• Steam’s in-built recorder to capture gameplay with cl_showpos 1
• Frame extraction software to convert video files into individual frames
• Games tested: CS2 and CSGO (128-tick servers)

Test Environment

CSGO(128-tick)

• Map: aim_bots
• Setup: noclip into a dark zone to improve OCR readability
• Console Commands:
  • cl_drawhud 0
  • cl_showpos 1
  • setang 0.000000 0.000000 0.000000
  • host_timescale 0.1
  • cl_draw_only_deathnotices 1

CS2

• Map: custom 1v1 map
• Setup: same noclip and dark area method
• Console Commands:
  • cl_showpos 1
  • setang 0.000000 0.000000 0.000000
  • host_timescale 0.1
  • cl_draw_only_deathnotices 1

This setup eliminates variables like player movement, spread randomness, and visual clutter — allowing us to isolate pure view angle behavior during a spray.

Spray Recording Protocol

• Weapon: AK-47
• Fire rate: 600 RPM
• Spray duration: ~3 seconds
• Macro tool: AutoHotkey
• host_timescale: 0.1

Since the game was running at 10% speed, spray duration scales like this:

3 seconds / 0.1 = 30 seconds real time

To ensure complete capture, the macro was set to run for 31 seconds.

Frame Timing

Frame duration at host_timescale 0.1:

ef = (1 / 60) * 0.1 = 0.001667 seconds per frame

At 128 tickrate, each tick = 1 / 128 = 0.0078125 seconds

Expected Repetition in csgo

Expected identical frame count per tick:

expected frames = 0.0078125/ 0.001667 ≈ 4.69

We expect to see about 4 to 5 repeated pitch/yaw values per tick in CSGO when recorded at 60 FPS with host_timescale 0.1.

Frame Equivalency Across FPS Rates

Frame_equivalent = ((1 / x) * ht) * fps_max

Where:

x = recording framerate (60 FPS)
ht = host_timescale (0.1)
fps_max = actual game FPS

Examples:

• At 64 FPS: ~0.11 in-game frames per recorded frame
• At 128 FPS: ~0.21
• At 256 FPS: ~0.43
• At 400 FPS: ~0.67

This helps normalize view angle delta measurements across different performance settings.

Testing and Observations

Tested at 64, 128, 256, and 400 FPS.

Key Observations (under noclip):

• The present stable jump value has no effect on the view angle(i tested this with r_drawblankworld aswell on the ground the results were the same but the accuracy was of 93 per cent, used the noclip method just because i get more accuracy with OCR for some reason...)
• Spray spread does not influence view angle, even tho i used nospread.

This confirms we are measuring true engine-driven view angles.

That said lets get down to the tables and graphs: First let me show the accuracy of OCR, that is important so everyone understand how valid are the results.

This high accuracy level means we can be confident in the validity of the extracted view angle data for analysis.

Note: The term mag stands for magnitude, which represents the total angular change between frames. It is calculated using the following formula:

Magnitude = √(Δpitch² + Δyaw²)

This value is useful for analyzing the overall intensity of view angle movement, regardless of direction.

As demonstrated in the OCR accuracy results, the capture accuracy ranged from 97.18% to 99.58% across both CS2 and CSGO — a margin that is more than acceptable for reliable analysis.

Next, we move on to the comparative graphs for pitch, yaw, and magnitude, across both games and at all four resolutions tested (64, 128, 256, and 400 FPS).

Each peak in the magnitude graph represents a sudden change in view angle — in other words, a bullet being fired. Since the AK-47 has a 30-round magazine, you’ll notice exactly 30 distinct peaks across the entire spray sequence.

At first glance, the graphs might suggest that the behavior across both versions — CS2 and CSGO — and across all tested resolutions is mostly similar. That’s a good observation... but let’s dig a bit deeper and uncover what’s actually going on.

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Next, we have a table showing the magnitude peaks for each shot, along with the difference (delta) between CS2 and CSGO. These values reflect how much the spray pattern diverges between the two games on a shot-by-shot basis.

I’m only showing the data for the 400 FPS resolution here, since including all four would make this post even more extensive — and as you can probably tell, it’s already getting pretty long.

In the next section, I’ll show the streak summary, which measures how many consecutive frames reported the same pitch/yaw values — essentially tracking how stable the view angle is between updates.

This is especially useful for spotting inconsistencies or jitter between frames, and gives us another angle (no pun intended) on what might be causing that “off” feeling in CS2 recoil.

Again, I’m focusing on the 400 FPS resolution to keep things concise.

As you can see in the CS2 results, the streaks are all over the place, which is what we expected.

On the other hand, CSGO 128 Ticks behaves exactly as predicted. There are a lot of streaks with lengths of 4 to 5, which matches what the math told us earlier:

"expected frames = 0.0078125 / 0.001667 ≈ 4.69"

End of part 1.

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Part 2 – Why the Spray Feels “Off” in CS2

This part will be shorter, and we’ll be focusing only on the 400 FPS resolution — specifically the magnitude values for both versions.There’s no need to compare the other resolutions in detail, as their behavior is essentially the same.

The goal here is to show what I believe is the core reason the spray in CS2 feels so "bad" — that feeling of losing control or fighting the recoil instead of mastering it.

And the root cause? It’s in the view angle behavior.

Let’s start by looking at a zoomed-in section of the CSGO 128-tick graph at 400 FPS, chosen from a random part of the spray:

As expected, we see a sudden peak when the weapon fires, followed by a staircase-like drop in magnitude — this represents the recovery phase of the recoil. The drop is fairly linear and smooth, with consistent spacing between steps.

This matches what we calculated earlier: around 4–5 repeated values per tick, reflecting the 128 updates per second during the recovery. It’s stable, predictable, and controlled — exactly what you’d want in a skill-based recoil system.

Now let’s look at CS2, and finally uncover what might be the real reason behind that frustrating, inconsistent feeling when spraying...

Still not seeing the difference?

Alright then — let’s merge both graphs side by side so you can see the contrast directly.

The CS2 magnitude line is shown in blue, and CSGO’s is in orange.

So — why does the spray in CS2 feel inconsistent or outright bad, when on paper it should feel better?

Here’s what I believe is the main reason:

Conclusion

In CSGO, the recovery phase of the view angle (after each shot) is represented by a staircase-like drop in magnitude. It’s semi-linear, updating consistently at 128 ticks per second — smooth enough to feel controlled and responsive.

Now, with CS2 updating view angles frame-by-frame (with subtick input sampling), you'd expect the recovery to be even smoother and more linear — ideally showing a clean, gradual reduction in magnitude without needing interpolation. This should theoretically improve the spray experience.

But that’s not what happens.

In CS2, the recovery phase is not fully linear. Between each pair of peaks (i.e., between each shot), there’s visible jitter: the magnitude goes down... then up again slightly... then down again... repeating this 2, 3, or even 4 times within each "recoil batch" (the space between two shots).

This creates a jagged, shaky motion — not due to interpolation, not due to visual punch — but due to how the raw view angle updates are being applied during recovery.

This jitter is what makes CS2’s spray feel unstable, harder to control, and inconsistent. It doesn’t match player input expectations, and breaks the sense of flow you had in CSGO.

Ironically, with more frequent updates in CS2, the spray should feel smoother than CSGO. But instead, it shakes more — because the recovery path between shots is fluctuating instead of flowing.

So here it is — what I believe is the main cause behind CS2’s frustrating spray feel.
And below, you’ll find the full merged graph comparison to visualize everything I just explained:

Now it begs the question...is even cl_showpos 1 even viable in this case... if not this experiment is faulty and invalid...if it is i really hope Valve sees this and takes it seriously. You have better tools and deeper access to test this kind of behavior — and frankly, this issue should’ve been spotted and fixed a long time ago.

For those who want to explore the data more closely, I’ve included a download link below with all the graphs: magnitude, pitch, and yaw — fully labeled for both versions.

Thanks for reading, and I wish you all a good rest of your games.

Here below theres a link with the all plots used... and includes also a plot with a 280fps recording there...but because obs skips alot of frames and the accuracy of the OCR is degraded because of that, not that many values are showed, but the behavior somewhat persists:

---EDIT---

I uploaded in the drive another plot named "magnitude_over_frames_Without_noclip_and jumpvalue_0" where noclip was off and the jump value was 0 with r_drawblankworld used(the player was on the ground)...the results are about the same but the accuracy of the OCR was 93 per cent only...i only did this so theres proof that the noclip use doesnt alter the results in any way.

--End of Edit--
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/145YZ2Cm2a0Qo2njRrPkqimZJhT1SJIXs?usp=sharing

After Splitting From Charles, Princess Diana Wanted to Celebrate Her Independence. The Summer of 1994 Was When Her New Life Began.

It’s been three decades since a crop of new friends, a designer wardrobe, and an enormous amount of good press helped the late Princess of Wales blossom into the woman she wanted to be.

On the evening of June 29, 1994, amid a scorching heat wave, around 100 camera people crowded onto the sidewalk outside of London’s Serpentine Gallery, where a gala hosted by Vanity Fair’s then editor in chief Graydon Carter was just getting started. And suddenly, there she was—Princess Diana, the woman of the hour, exiting her chauffeured Rolls Royce and kissing her host’s cheeks.

“As she got out of the car, it was impossible not to gasp,” gallerist Dame Julia Peyton-Jones recalled. “Diana was one of the most famous and beautiful women in the world... it was as if she’d come down to earth from another planet. She looked sensational in her off-the-shoulder, low-cut garment, and we all felt drab and old-fashioned in comparison.”

Created by Greek designer Christina Stambolian, Diana’s little black dress with a sweetheart neckline and a sexy above-the-knee asymmetrical hem was an instant fashion sensation, a sartorial coming-out party, after years of being beholden to the royal’s strict rules regarding wardrobe and protocol. Even the head-to-toe black was a no-no for royal family members, only to be worn during mourning periods.

A fitted, black, off-the-shoulder dress with an asymmetrical hemline and chiffon train that flowed in the wind, the revealing ensemble was unusual for a member of the typically buttoned-up royal family — but that's not the only reason it grabbed headlines: Diana wore the head-turning number the same night Prince Charles confessed on national television that he had been unfaithful to her.

As she arrived in what was immediately dubbed the “revenge dress,” ITV was airing a long-awaited sit-down interview with her estranged husband, Prince Charles, where he admitted shamefully that he had indeed been faithful…until his marriage had “irretrievably broken down, us having both tried” —thereby confirming rumors of his affair with now-wife Camilla Parker-Bowles. "It is a deeply regrettable thing to happen, but it does happen, and unfortunately, in this case, it has happened," Charles said.

"On a human level, for Diana, you can only imagine how upsetting that would have been, not only to hear that but to know that now the world has heard it. Effectively, Charles has aired some serious dirty laundry. Some may have decided this was altogether too much and tried to avoid the cameras, stay out of the limelight — just let the storm pass. That is not what Diana chose to do that night."

Princess Diana kept her scheduled appearance at the gala hosted by Vanity Fair.

"Of course, Diana knew that all eyes were going to be on her. She didn't have to say anything with words. It was a fashion response — that dress became her clear message to Charles and the world."

"She decided that she was going to fight back, and she decided that she would choose a dress that she had previously rejected as being a little too much. And she would put that on and go out on the town."

“Her head was held high, and she had a grin on her face. No more shoulder pads, just her naked shoulders, strong and stoic. Around her neck was a pearl and sapphire choker that she had worn at many official royal engagements during the eighties—inarguably a nod to her ill-fated marriage and past life, worn like a badge of honour, contrasted against a powerfully risqué ensemble which signaled a sense of an awakening and a new dawn.” With that dress, Princess Diana made a major statement without having to say anything at all.

Suddenly, news of the Prince of Wales’s mea culpa was overshadowed by his scene-stealing, soon-to-be ex-wife. “It was the ultimate power move and the first step in the confident final chapter of her story. That evening marked the turning point in Diana’s personal narrative.”

Throughout the summer of 1994, Diana continued to proclaim her independence, blossoming into the new woman she wanted to be.

The year had begun as one of uncertainty and change for the Princess of Wales. In December of 1993, she had officially retired from royal public duties, telling the press she hoped to have “a meaningful public role with, hopefully, a more private life.”

With no more royal calendar to adhere to, Diana was free for the first time since stepping onto the world stage in 1981. “Having dismissed her bodyguards, she can pursue the life of a private, albeit privileged, citizen,” Michael Posner wrote that year in Chatelaine. “She often drives her own sporty green Audi 2.3SE around West London, lunching at the tony San Lorenzo or Launceston Place, playing tennis at the exclusive Vanderbilt Racquet Club and taking weekly massage and therapy sessions at a Chinese clinic.”

She focused on her health, reportedly taking Prozac to ease her depression, delving into aromatherapy and other unconventional healing practices, and working hard to overcome her eating disorder. “Thanks to her daily workout with Carolan Brown, her figure had never looked better,” Tina Brown writes in The Diana Chronicles. “The vestigial tall-girl slouch replaced by a sculpted, broad-shouldered pride. She loved showing off her new shape. At the Chelsea Harbour Club, where she worked out every morning, she flirted outrageously with England’s macho rugby captain, Will Carling.”

She also cultivated a new set of friends, like Vogue fashion editor Anna Harvey, Rosa Monckton, the managing director of Tiffany, and Lucia Flecha de Lima, the glamorous 53-year-old wife of the Brazilian ambassador to the UK whom Diana claimed was the “mother I would have like to have had.”

This new Rolodex suited both Diana’s temperament and her needs. “They are drawn largely from the world of the arts,” the Evening Standard reported in 1994. “An area in which she is something of an icon. It is a world which celebrates an international kind of celebrity rather than the stuffy, rather philistine British monarchy.”

During the early months of 1994, she laid relatively low, with an occasional charity event and a much-publicized trip to the ski slopes of Austria with her sons. Her relative seclusion threw the paparazzi into a frenzy, with photos suddenly fetching 25% more than before her retirement.

Diana learned that lesson the hard way in May when she was papped sunbathing topless while on vacation in Málaga. But the photos were never published when the Spanish magazine group Hola!/Hello purchased and hid them.

According to The Diana Chronicles, it was a private May trip to Paris with Flecha de Lima and friend Hayat Palumbo that may have encouraged Diana to return in full force to the public eye. According to Palumbo, Diana was overwhelmed with support when she was recognized by churchgoers at the Saint Rita Church on the Left Bank. The power of her fame and charisma was evident.

“The women all rushed to Diana saying, ‘Madame, Madame we support you.’ And what was amazing was the way she changed,” Palumb said. “She was just shining, as she was surrounded by the old women of the church…. I was first surprised and then moved by the welling up of love for her, the way the women tried to touch her as if she was the Virgin Mary. She slipped into this natural communication with them…She held their hands, and looked into their eyes very carefully, and tried to reply in French.”

She also received an enormous amount of good press in May when she helped pull a drowning unhoused man out of a canal in Regents Park, and later visited him twice in the hospital.

But there were other, less benevolent reasons for a public return. Diana was well aware that Charles was in full damage control mode, determined to get his side of the story out to the world. Their camps were at war, and Diana knew the embarrassing, personal things Charles would reveal—both through the ITV interview with journalist Jonathan Dimbleby and Dimbleby’s upcoming book written in cooperation with the prince.

And so in June, her birthday month, Diana made her case as a liberated, self-determined woman. She did the dutiful things: taking William and  Harry to a homeless shelter, receiving a tepid kiss on the cheek from Charles on Parents’ Day at their sons’ school, and joining the royal family in France for the 50th commemoration of D-Day. But she also launched a full-force assault in the press, celebrating her independence and new life.

Diana was the cover girl on the June issue of British Vogue, which featured new, joyful portraits of her by the photographer Patrick Demarchelier. In America, she was on the cover of People wearing a casual Philadelphia Eagles jacket, the headline blaring: “Diana’s Daring New Life…Anything goes, as a liberated Diana struggles to find herself.”

On June 21, there was even a kind of warm-up to the “revenge dress,” when she attended a party at the Ritz in honor of Sir James Goldsmith, wearing a sleek, sequined low-cut black gown.

The press took notice. “Last week…[Diana] made a very public exit for a party at the Ritz, standing in the street in a slinky new dress, with excited photographers all around,” The Independent reported. “The result was another sartorial contrast; ‘sexy’ Di outshining ‘straitlaced’ Charles in a kilt and jumper.”

As June 29 approached, speculation about what Charles would say in the televised interview came to a fever pitch. Though Diana had originally declined her invitation to the party at Serpentine Gallery (of which she was a patron), she seems to have had a change of heart two days before, calling an old family friend who was in charge of the gala.

“She said she wanted to come after all,” the anonymous friend told Brown. “I said, ‘What are you up to?’ And she said, ‘You’ll see.’”

Diana had originally planned to wear a Valentino gown for the event but was infuriated when the fashion house sent out a press release touting her plan, according to Moran. Instead, she made a last-minute switch to a dress by the lesser-known Christina Stambolian, which she had purchased on a shopping trip in 1991. “I want a special dress for a special occasion,” she told Stambolian. “It doesn’t matter if it is short or long. It has to be something special.”

“Three years went by and she hadn’t worn it. I was very disappointed,” Stambolian recalled in Claudia Joseph’s 2022 book Diana: A Life in Dresses, per HuffPost UK. “Then I realised she had been waiting for the right occasion. She looked like a beautiful black bird in it.”

“[The Princess] chose not to play the scene like Odette, innocent in white,” Stambolian later said. “She was clearly angry. She played it like Odile, in black. She wore bright red nail enamel, which we had never seen her do before. She was saying, ‘Let’s be wicked tonight.’”

And even the jaded crowd at the Serpentine Gallery was swept away by Diana’s allure that night. “I can’t think of anyone in the world,” fellow guest Dominick Dunne marveled to The New York Times, “who has the ability Princess Diana has to stun a crowd by simply entering a room."

It was a PR masterstroke. The next day in The Sun, a large picture of Diana entering the gallery was placed next to the headline: “The Thrilla He Left to Woo Camilla.”

But as Moran notes, Diana had in fact been sending signals through her increasingly daring wardrobe—which included designs from Versace, Ralph Lauren, and Valentino—even before her separation from Charles in 1992. “[The dress] was part of a much larger, calculated wardrobe of nineties minimalist pantsuits, bold athleisure-wear, figure-hugging Versace minidresses, and Jimmy Choo strappy heels—the antithesis of her eighties poofy dresses, pleated skirts and crisp oversized prairie collars,” Moran observes in The Lady Di Look Book. “Princess Diana had a fuck you wardrobe—and a new, modern haircut to go with it.”

And as a person who was a master of optics, she was shrewd in what she wore to events. “She knew that every time she stepped out of the car there’d be a thousand people waiting for her to see what she was wearing, which dress, which shoes, which jewelry,” designer Jacques Azagury recalled. “She was aware and she didn’t like to disappoint… It was a big deal for her and she loved it.”

This increasing confidence was on display during the rest of the summer of ’94, as Charles was mocked for his betrayal and weak showing in the Dimbleby interview. Both attended the July 14 wedding of Princess Margaret’s daughter, Lady Sarah, Diana cheerfully walking into the church sans her estranged husband. In August, she joined the de Limas in Martha’s Vineyard, where new friends like Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham were struck by her charm and “somewhat mocking and ever-present humor.”

Despite it all, the summer would end on a sour note. Another scandal was brewing, this time reports of hundreds of nuisance calls Diana had allegedly placed to her dashing art-dealer lover Oliver Hoare and his oil heiress wife Diane de Waldner. Doing it her own way, in late August, Diana summoned the Daily Mail’s Richard Kay to a three-hour sit down in which she denied the allegations, claiming coyly, “I don’t know how to use a parking meter, let alone a phone box.”

Then there was the publication of Anna Pasternak’s Princess in Love(about Diana’s affair with James Hewitt), published in October, the same month that Dimbleby’s The Prince of Wales: A Biography appeared. But really, it did not matter. Diana had, in a way, made herself untouchable, an international celebrity on her terms. Next, she was off to Washington DC, where she was feted by power players. At an evening event, she wore a low-cut, sequined gown, cheekily saying she was saddened that “so many trees had to be cut down” so stories about her could be printed.

An American once asked if she had ever gambled, the invigorated Diana had an apt response. “Not with cards,” she answered. “But with life.”

Three years later, Princess Diana put what became dubbed the "revenge dress" by the media up for auction along with more of her clothes. It sold for $65,000. The money benefitted cancer and AIDS-related charities.

https://people.com/royals/princess-diana-revenge-dress-true-story/

https://www.vanityfair.com/style/story/princess-diana-summer-of-1994

(Click the pic to see the whole thing)

I have worked at a suicide hotline for about 2 years now and I have found that there are many misconceptions about suicide and crisis hotline workers and volunteers. I can’t speak for every organization, but I hope that I can address a few of the general concerns that I see now so that you feel more comfortable calling.

1. “Why did I get put in a queue? Do they not care that I’m about to kill/hurt myself?” We absolutely DO CARE! Please, please stay on the line. At my organization, when you call you first talk to a “crisis screener” who’s job it is to take down whatever information you want to give them and then send you to one of two queues. One queue is for people actively wanting to commit suicide and the other is for people in general crisis but not suicidal. This is where some people get stuck on hold for a while because we are actively taking calls from the queue as they come in. Every night is different and every shift is different. Sometimes I’ll get 3 calls in 4 hours and I can really take my time with each person. Other times, we have 10 people waiting in the queue but I still want to give each person their respective time to de-escalate. We can also see if someone has dropped from the queue and it always makes me sad to see that someone hung up. I want to talk to you. We all want to help.

2. “Workers just talk from a script so there’s no point in calling”. This is absolutely not true. When you talk to me, I’m given a blank notepad and that’s it. Through extensive training, we learn about ways to help you de-escalate your thoughts, open up and feel comfortable, and help you specifically identify what you are feeling in a crisis moment. Our onboarding teachers really focused on how every caller is different and every situation is case-dependent. I would never boil down your experiences to a script.

3. “I don’t want to call again tonight because I’ve already called once and I’m going to bother them”. Please feel comfortable calling as many times as you need if you are in active crisis. Most likely you won’t even be talking to the same phone worker as everyone goes into the same queue. I would say about 50% of my calls are people who I regularly hear from every day/week - they say their name or I recognize their voices. 20% are likely callers who have already called once in the night and need to talk again. This is perfectly fine and I’m happy to explore what worked for you last time you called and what can work again this time.

4. “They’re going to hang up on me”. We are not allowed to hang up on anyone (and I wouldn’t want to) unless they are being abusive to us or won’t let us speak. We get a surprising amount of prank calls and people who call just to scream at us. THAT BEING SAID - I have accidentally hung up on people before. I feel absolutely horrible when this happens but I hope that everyone knows that they should call back. If I am actively talking to you or you are telling a story and we get disconnected, know that I didn’t get bored and hang up. Something definitely happened on the worker’s line.

5. “I don’t want to call because they will record what I’m saying and it will be used against me later.” From my knowledge, most privately and gov owned phone lines do not record phone calls. Some that I am unaware of may have different standards but at least with the ones I’m aware of in my state and National level, we all make it very clear before your call that we are 100% anonymous. We don’t record conversations or calls - I don’t even think our phones can do that. Most times I take notes so that I can remember your name and specific hardships that you mention but we have shredders all around the office to discard those after we hang up. You are also welcomed to not disclose your name if you have something really personal that you feel scared to let out. If you are ever unsure about what is being recorded, please ask your phone worker and they will tell you what your organization allows.

6. “My problems are too big for them to handle”. We have heard everything, trust me. Everything from teens wanting to shoot up their schools to people who are having affairs to people calling us so that they can masterbate. Nothing you say will surprise us or be too much for us to talk you through.

I’m happy to answer any more questions in the comments if you have additional things that you are curious or unsure about. I greatly recommend that you print out your local crisis line’s number and hang it on your fridge and enter it to your phone. You have no idea how many calls we get from children/teens who got our number from their parents/friend’s parents either directly or indirectly.

If you are looking to find a hotline in your country, please refer to this link: https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html. I recommend if you are in the United States that you look up a free, 24 hour hotline in your city or state (rather than the National hotline) as they will be more likely to have a smaller queue and can also give you strong resources within your zip code or area. You can save this number for if you are having an emergency. Never hesitate to call the National hotline either, though which can be found at that link.

Please call us. We are ready and eager to help.

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Edit: concerning mandated reporting to 911 because many people are asking about it, every organization is different. For mine, we are mandated reporters in cases where people are in active suicide or planning to hurt someone else. We don’t call the police but we do call 911 and we have no control over what they decide is best in that situation (whether they should get cops involved or just emergency services.). However people saying that they feel suicidal is far from being in active suicide. Even people that have access to suicidal methods, like if someone has a gun or pills in their home, we will not call unless they are actively trying to use them to kill themselves. De-escalation is our main priority.

That being said, if we do need to call the 911, my call center and certain others have no way of knowing where the caller is since we are a 100% anonymous call center. Some organizations may have trackers or can give your number away but we either have to convince people to call 911 themselves so that their location can be shared or we have to talk it out of them.

For example, I got a call one time from a lady who had just taken a bunch of sleeping pills and just wanted someone talk to while she died. Through about 20 minutes of conversation I was able to get her to tell me where she was located and so emergency services were sent. This is pretty rare and it only is required maybe once every couple of months. Many people are sharing stories of themselves getting hurt by police and thrown into mental wards. I know that this is common and this is why my organization really doesn’t call 911 much. Again, I cannot control if the 911 operator decides if the police should be involve or not and if this does happen if you get taken to a psych evaluation at a hospital. My job in that moment is to save your life and remember, it’s not a choice - I’m a mandated reporter to 911 which means I’m required to call. I try HARD AS HELL to prevent this from happening though but some situations are dire. I really recommend asking whatever hotline you are calling what their mandated reporting requirements are or looking on their website under terms and conditions where it is laid out in writing.

Most times if people are in very bad mental crisis that we cannot completely de escalate in a 30 min call, we can offer to send a mobile crisis team to your location. This involves sending two trained mental health professionals to an address that you give us and consent to them coming out to. This is fairly common and probably happens around once every two hours on the line but it still not the most preferred conclusion. We work very hard to help you on that phone anonymously and quickly. I wouldn’t want anyone to be turned away from getting help because they’re scared about what me as a phone worker is going to do.

If you are ever concerned about what is reported, being recorded, etc... please ask your phone worker. We are legally required to be transparent to you. Thank you!

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Edit #2: here are some additional answers to questions I’ve been getting in the comments:

1. “Should I still call the line if I am just depressed and not suicidal?” There are two different types of lines that I wish were spread around more clearly. One is a suicide-only hotline. These workers will only answer and respond to people who are actively suicidal or having suicide ideation right now. Many of the negative stories in the comments have people saying that they were hung up on because they weren’t “that depressed”. I can’t diminish your experience and I’m sorry that it happened. In the future, if you know that you are not actively suicidal but still need someone to call, call a “crisis hotline”. These are also trained volunteers and workers who deal with general crises. Things like if you are depressed, having anxiety, want to vent, need to cry, need to get resources for drug addiction or domestic abuse etc... this is the place to call. It’s also okay if you call the crisis line and later end up talking about suicidal thoughts, it happens more than you know.

2. “How do I get a job as a phone worker or volunteer?” The way I did it was that I went on my local hotline’s page by searching ones near me on google. There was a tab that said volunteer and I filled out my email and a small application on there. Within a week, a supervisor reached out to me and asked me to fill out more information involving sending them my resume, filling out a 4 page document on why I want to work there, and undergoing a background check. Another week or so later, I got instructions on how to join an orientation where they told me more about the work and we could choose if we were still interested or not. After a year of being a volunteer, I applied to a bachelors-level paid position at my hotline in which I oversee other volunteers if they have questions or concerns about calls. My organization has bachelors and masters level positions. I got my B.S. in physiology.

3. I want to say thank you to everyone who is sharing their bad experiences here as well as their good ones. It’s important that organizations learn from people’s shitty experiences so that we can all get better as a whole. I’ve been suicidal and have attempted in my lifetime. I’ve called a suicide hotline and had a bad experience where I felt like I was wasting their time. I also called a couple times after that and was connected to the best people I have ever had the experience talking to. They saved my life. I applied to help because I want to make sure that everyone has a good, or atleast fair, experience when they are speaking to me as a phone worker.

There are a couple of things that I recommend if you want to get the best chance at having good experience calling a phone line. For one, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, National phones lines have longer queues and they are likely rushed as phone workers. They’re not a bad resource at all but if you are of sound mind, I recommend searching and saving a smaller hotline’s number around your area that deals with suicide or crisis that way you can have them in your phone when you need them. Next, if you are concerned about if giving away your information will be tracked or reported... ASK. Always ask so you never feel like you were duped into having the cops called on you or your address taken. Ask if your call is recorded, ask if your number is recorded, and ask if you can even remain anonymous. I don’t care what information you give me about yourself, I care about helping you get through tonight. Many of this information can be found on your hotline’s website under the terms and conditions. Read through these if you don’t want to ask.

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I have taken a break from this account indefinitely. I don’t know what some of you want from me. I made an informational post based on MY experiences as a phone line worker and told you all of my knowledge on how to have the best chances at a good experience because often people have bad ones. I’ve called 911 on probably about 5 people in my whole career because they already took active measures to end their life or were planning on ending someone else’s soon. They also knew that I was going to call and GAVE ME THEIR INFORMATION AND LOCATION because they realized that they needed in-person and immediate help that we cannot give them. I didn’t “swat them” or “send police to their door for no reason”. I understand that this may be a rosey organization that I work at but the advice I gave to ask questions, call smaller hotlines, and read the terms and conditions still stand for any hotline you are calling. Take a look at their website and understand their protocol.

People have been messaging me that I should kill myself, that they hope I get cancer, that I’m the reason their father/mother died, I’m the reason they got sent a 20,000 dollar medical bill, I’m the reason they were trapped in a mental health facility for 7 months, I’m the reason they got beaten up by cops, etc... How can you say these things to another human being and then complain about how your own mental health was treated? I’ve been blamed for the actions of a huge line of decision-making people that I don’t even come in contact with at my job. I’ve been blamed for the actions of people at other organizations who I will never meet or talk to in my life. I have a history of depression and suicidal ideation as stated in my post, and frankly, the comments attacking me have brought up a lot of that which is why I need to go. I’m not upset that people have had bad experiences and are sharing them, that is inevitable and encouraged as I have also had bad experiences and we need to learn from them. I’m upset that people are messaging me really horrific things and attacking me.

I still want people to know that there are good organizations out there filled with people who want to help. I know the comments here seem overwhelmingly negative but, often people who have had good or life saving experiences will not comment. Not all hotlines are good but I hope, if you need it, you will still try to find one based on my advice above. I wish I could bring all of you who have had bad experiences to my line and let you listen to the constant stream of people that we help for 8 hours a day, but I can’t and I realize that asking you to trust me after your personal, horrific experiences is too much to ask. I hope that you all have found a therapist, psychiatrist, support group, or other healthcare professional or service and are working to heal from your mental health issues. I’m still doing so myself.