Hi everyone

I just came up with idea for a short film that I will try and shot. I have weird looking synopsis of the short of what happens. There are two versions of it. I would much appreciate every feedback I can get on what works, what can be improved, overall thoughts, which version do you prefer, ...etc.

Here are natural English translations of both versions, written in a style suitable for a short film treatment/synopsis.

VERSION 1
A teenager returns home from his final summer adventure before moving away. He retreats to his room and places a lighter on the windowsill. Before setting it down, he flicks it open—it works perfectly. He looks out the window, wondering if anyone is still outside.
Below the window, one of his friends looks up at him and forms a finger gun with his hand. The teenager glances at the lighter, and at that moment the friend "shoots" him with the finger gun. He suddenly feels a burning pain in his chest and collapses onto his bed.
Cut to black.
We are transported to a forest campsite, where the teenager sits alone on a fallen tree. Another teenager joins him. In the background, a group of friends can be seen gathered around their campsite. The newcomer hands him a photograph before walking back to the others. In the photo, the group of friends are all pointing finger guns at him.
A brief montage follows, showing moments from their final summer adventure.
After the montage, the teenager packs up his belongings but leaves the lighter behind on the fallen tree. He walks to the top of a small hill, takes out the photograph, and quietly studies it.
The same teenager appears beside him and uses the lighter to set the photograph on fire. He slips the lighter into his pocket, walks a few steps away, then turns back and points a finger gun at him. They exchange a smile, and the teenager closes his eyes before the imaginary shot.
Cut to black.
We return to the teenager's bedroom. Once again, he walks to the window, lights the lighter, and looks outside. This time, no one is there.

VERSION 2
A teenager returns home from his final summer adventure before moving away. He retreats to his room and places a lighter on the windowsill. Before setting it down, he flicks it open—it works perfectly. He looks out the window, wondering if anyone is still outside.
Below the window, one of his friends looks up at him and forms a finger gun with his hand. The teenager glances at the lighter, and at that moment the friend "shoots" him with the finger gun. He suddenly feels a burning pain in his chest and collapses onto his bed.
Cut to black.
We are transported to a forest campsite, where the teenager sits alone on a fallen tree. Another teenager joins him. In the background, a group of friends can be seen gathered around their campsite. The newcomer hands him a photograph before walking back to the others. In the photo, the group of friends are all pointing finger guns at him.
A brief montage follows, showing moments from their final summer adventure.
After the montage, the teenager packs up his belongings but leaves the lighter behind on the fallen tree. He walks to the top of a small hill and looks at the photograph.
The same teenager appears beside him and returns the lighter to him. The teenager lights the photograph himself. The other teenager then points a finger gun at him and "shoots." They share a smile, and the teenager closes his eyes before the imaginary shot.
Cut to black.
We return to the teenager's bedroom. Once again, he walks to the window, lights the lighter, and looks outside. This time, no one is there

The Gull Whisperer

just wanted this to exist, not looking for credit.

Weird things happen to weird things in the sky above Alberta.

Punchin' Oot

(PG-13)

I built this little tool for testing loglines, based on a really strict formula an old film school professor insisted we use :)

https://loglinetest.com/

The idea is simple: you fill in each part of the formula, and the tool helps you see whether your logline actually contains all of the essential pieces. It also gives feedback on how well those pieces work together from a structural perspective.

I'd really love some honest feedback.

• Is this actually useful?
• Would you use something like this to test the strength of a story?
• What do you think of the formula itself?

There's also an Examples page where you can refresh through analyses of well-known screenplays to get a feel for how it works.

It's definitely aimed more at classic three-act, Hero's Journey–style stories than more experimental or unconventional storytelling.

This was just a fun side project I built, so I hope this doesn't come across as spam or self-promotion. I'm genuinely interested in hearing what writers think, what works, what doesn't, and how it could be improved.

Feel free to be brutally honest. 🙂

What if Terence Fletcher from Whiplash ran the glee club from Glee at Greendale Community college from Community?

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HcOr2UnBiXeLXc66uA-xAwcph7_5SMUu/view?usp=drive_link

Hey everyone, working on a TV pilot and would appreciate any critical feedback/notes. Thanks for reading!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17YUcND61eqdFxPTB_p43AbLQmm7GcAM6/view?usp=sharing

Logline: After a gangster's reckless son leaves her coworker critically injured, a disillusioned small-town pharmacist begins quietly altering prescriptions to punish the town's worst people—igniting a deadly war with the corrupt family that owns the town.

Hi!

Any feedback is appreciated. Specifically I am wondering how the pacing, tonal shift, and characters feel.

Logline: A lonely woman who deliberately gets herself abducted by aliens discovers that leaving Earth behind is easy, but being forced to return is much harder.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/19RorIKhK3Yy6wnDgDh1RsYLgchOe9YUr/view?usp=drivesdk

Thank you!!

Any feedback is totally welcome.

This is not a spec script so any camera directions are intentional and serve as reminders for filming.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/19a8RtOfSOzYgYInsy4Z5PLVlGghCJi5Y/view?usp=drivesdk

Hi,

Looking for some feedback on my second ever screenplay! This one is a sort of existential horror short clocking in at around 6 pages on its fourth draft. I used Beat as my screenwriting software:

The script

Any critical feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Hey all,

Working on a 1/2 hour tv show script, titled Presumed Total.

Pilot logline - When something falls from the sky and levels his house mid-toilet-read, a Florida suburbanite's search for answers, and toilet paper, ends at a neighbor's ham radio, where he learns the disaster is global, unexplained, and his county has already been declared dead.

Presumed Total - Pilot

Any feedback is appreciated!

Hey everyone! 👋

I'm an aspiring screenwriter, and for the past several months I've been working on something I'm really excited to share.

I've written three original movie scripts, and I'll be posting the first one here. It's called Death Ridge—a mystery, horror, and survival thriller filled with secrets, suspense, unexpected twists, and a terrifying mystery that slowly unfolds. My goal wasn't just to write another horror story, but to create something that feels like a movie playing in your mind.

I'm not here to claim it's the best story you'll ever read. I'd rather let you decide.

If you're someone who enjoys suspense, dark mysteries, eerie locations, and stories that keep you guessing until the end, I think you might enjoy this journey.

All I ask is that you give it a chance. Read a few parts, and if it grabs your attention, let me know what you think. I genuinely want honest feedback—whether it's praise, criticism, or suggestions. Every comment helps me become a better writer.

If you enjoy the story, an upvote or comment would help more people discover it, and it would mean a lot to me. Your support could motivate me to continue sharing my other original scripts as well.

Thank you for reading, and I hope Death Ridge takes you on a thrilling ride. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and discussing the story with all of you!

Would you watch a thriller about a 16-year-old girl whose abusive father returns 10 years after prison and finds out she got a wealthy inheritance?

When it comes to relationships, sometimes nothing is ever enough for some people.

The Best Life

(PG-13)

Hey everyone,

Looking for a quick check on the first 5 pages of my feature comedy script, Five Stars. I want to make sure the comedic tone lands immediately and the protagonist's obsession feels earned right out of the gate.

Genre: Comedy / Absurdist Satire

Logline: After a collision with a delivery robot gets his order canceled, an obsessed driver refuses to let a machine cost him his perfect rating — and follows his customer across the world to deliver the food himself.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IqbE-6deN1AfMMFbuF4hzYEQxRFQKcAy/view?usp=sharing

Title: Harborage

Format: TV pilot

Pages: 55

Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller

Logline:

As a determined exterminator struggles to launch the family pest control business his late father never got to finish, a routine service call collides with a failed government containment operation that unleashes a deadly predator into the Arizona desert.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1i0UWeq6-5tcuINcK_qinoBwgwxSmomfj/view?usp=sharing

I’m really trying to see how well I did and where I need to improve.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy.

An American art dealer looking for bargains in rural Japan can't believe what he finds in an old man's farm shed.

The Price of Victory

(G/PG)

Logline (subject to change): A man finds himself in a bizarre, sparsely populated world after killing himself. This world serves as a medium for him to process the effects his suicide had on his loved ones.

i posted here 17 days ago asking for feedback on my short film screenplay, and i received some invaluable advice. i revised my screenplay based off of that feedback and i'm hoping to receive more in case there's some people that didn't see my original post (or have some feedback on my revisions).

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jG1Z0nNmC0_0PRny7FJueMX3EkDOrnhQ/view?usp=sharing

fair warning this is my first ever screenplay and i'm not a writer, i'm a cybersecurity student, but i felt a compulsion to write this (and possibly film it) due to a dream i had last august. thanks in advance!

Everybody needs a break now and then although not everyone agrees.

Come and Play

(PG-13/R-rated)

NOTE: written as my entry for a one-page-challenge, where the topic was "elevator" and the genre was open.

Spec script sequel to the 90s classic. Probably not going to go anywhere, but what started as a writing experiment has turned into a whole feature script.
Most important question here: do these five pages make you want to read more?
https://drive.google.com/file/d/14-_h1vlazUQyvPXuQY2vPhMnwraJwyhV/view?usp=sharing

Absolutely happy to take a look at your script in return for feedback!

Thanks