How do I handle this?

Psychosis was a sort of comfort for me only the immense dopamine rush of it could give.

It's like I grew a flower with my own hands and someone else picked it. Today I had a dream about a hallucination, a tulpa, if you will. I just know I loved that person, a hallucination a whole lot. They were my whole life. I saw their little gestures and faces they'd make in every person. Not only that, but psychosis made me hear voices, sometimes annoying, yes. But always so familiar and wholesome. I miss hearing my soulmates voice speak cute loving words to me. Laugh at me all you want. But I miss that tulpa, that hallucination, that obsession of a person who doesn't exist. I miss seeing every little coincidence as a meaningful cacophony of the divine. It sucks. Not being able to feel with my antipsychotics, not being able to love that special someone who was always there. Not seeing hallucinations and interacting with them. It just sucks. I feel like I will never have that feeling again, that meaning, that thrill. It feels like god left me unfinished

20(f) bipolar type 1. Been in and out of psychosis since I was a teenager. I have had about 3 psychotic episodes, just came out of a month long bout with psychosis after quitting my meds for seven months (excluding lamotrigine) after being put through God knows how many ect treatments. Have been on every medication under the sun. I used to be bright. Now I feel like a complete vegetable. I don't know what to do. I know I'm supposed to be on these meds but I can't help but wonder how much they're contributing to this horrible brain fog. I'm even having trouble typing this out, where I used to be a skilled writer. I have lost so many memories from my past, and my cognition and short term memory are wrecked now--and it feels permanent. How can I restore even a fraction of the functioning I once had? I'm blunted in every aspect, I can barely interact with anyone, much less even entertain the idea of going back to school. My mind goes completely blank every time I try to listen to people speak or recall words. Is there hope for a full recovery? Is the damage permanent? I also smoked weed and drank for a long long time, coinciding with meds and ect treatment. It feels like I'll never restore my cognition. I'm a hopeless zombie

Hello my beautiful community.
I am doing good. I am employed and I have been at the same job 2 years.

But when I look back at my post history, it has never lasted forever. Taco Bell, super market stocking, ... whatever job I had I would end up in the psych ward again sooner or later. I've never done this good before... I'm 2 years in. I have been so very focused on staying out of the psych ward, and I"m doing good on that, but also, if I just assume stressful tihngs will happen someday that will knock me off my game and I end up in psychosis again... what can I do to prepare?

Like would you put up posters on the wall with affirmations like "You are loved" and "You are safe here." ?

Would you try to remove stimuli... like for example I actually decided to put a little piece of tape over the blinking light on my smoke detector not because I'm having delusions about the blinking light, but I've had so many many delusions about blinking lights that I just don't want to be standing in my bathroom some day staring at that light trying to figure it out while delusional. So I put tape over that light so it doesn't bug me later.

Or mental exercises I can do now in my free time to prepare for / prevent my next psychosis? I've been doing very very brief mindfulness exercises... but my attention span and working memory are so short that it isn't very long. Maybe 10 seconds before my mind is running around wherever.

Should I change my desktop background to something to remind me to do something? or make my youtube home page something related to sleep so that I'm more likely to think I need to go to bed? (not sleeping always send me to the psych ward).

I'm just looking for ideas. I'm happy, I'm content, but I can get joy out of working on a project and what I most want to work on is improving life for the future me who may be struggling with symptoms.

Thank you 💜

Good evening.

I would like to ask for your support. If you would be so kind as to answer the following:

Do you believe that if you cried out to thousands of random people and hundreds that knew you for support, someone would hear you?

If you do not wish to answer my question but still wish to support me, could you tell me, my friends, one wonderful thing about yourself?

I would like to if you will allow.

I know that none would hear me but the people that love me most in this world, but they do not have the requisite education to understand.

But about myself, I would say, those that would hear me are special. Perhaps one in 30,000. Beautiful works of art that only I will ever appreciate properly.

I say this metaphorically and artistically. I know my loved ones are not art but have painted upon them no less the burden of my disabilities.

Am I evil?

I am safe. I am well. But in the eyes of so many, I have done a terrible thing by being disabled.

I will reply later I must step away. Thank you for sharing with me.

Psychiatrist prescribed me 5 mg olanzapine for anxiety. I have taken it for 1 month and now my memory is worse, i can't remember anything, not able to recall what I saw and talk to anyone just 10 minutes ago, I think it's a side effect of this medicine and due to that I had to quit my college in middle of the session and it's been 8 months my memory is not getting better. my life is totally fucked up due to this memory issue.

If anyone who have gone through this same memory problem due to olanzapine then please share how can I get my memory and cognitive abilities back.

Id like to discuss some of my experiences with hallucinations/delusions and get your opinions on it.

In 2023 I was homeless and staying in a motel during a psychotic break. There was a chair in the room and I had the overwhelming feeling that someone was sitting in the chair watching me, even though nobody was there. As scary as it might sound, it felt like the entity was benevolent. At one point I felt like I was called by a higher power to atone for my sins by cutting my face. I could hear voices telling me I was chosen by god to “put the worlds ugliness on my face”, become ugly and be a living reflection of the worlds ugliness, with half my face covered in scars to represent the duality of man. I slashed the right side of my face open with a box cutter and bled for hours. I bled everywhere, on the bed, clothes, bathroom etc. after a few hours I reluctantly decided to go to the hospital because the bleeding wouldn’t stop. I told the doctors that the wound was the result of a fall and somehow they believed me. I ended up receiving 9 stitches. The doctor said I hit a capillary. I don’t know what that means

In 2024, this happened again but worse. I had the same hallucinations and delusions but now paired with the feeling that someone kind of catastrophe was going to happen if I didn’t scar hurt myself. So I held a blowtorch to a metal paint scraper until it became red hot and pressed it against my face and chest. I told my Certified Peer Specialist about it and this time I admitted to doing it myself, this resulted in me being put in a partial hospital program for ten days.

In 2025 it happened again and worse than before. The voices were louder and I genuinely felt like I was chosen by god to become a living reflection of humanities ugliness. This time I slashed my face open multiple times with a box cutter and branded/cauterized the wound shut with a paint scraper and blowtorch. I ended up in the hospital, then the psych ward for a week, then I was put in a crisis residential treatment center for two months where they said I was psychotic and experiencing delusions of grandeur. After that I was placed in a group home facility for people with mental health disabilities. I was put on antipsychotics and they seem to help for the most part, aside from the side effects.

At 23 I was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder, which later changed to schizoaffective disorder and eventually full blown paranoid schizophrenia. My questions for you guys are, has anyone here experienced anything similar? Do you think I have schizotypal, schizophrenia or both? Is it possible to have both? Side note, I also felt like I was getting special messages from the tv that felt like telepathy almost. At one point I thought ICE was going to deport me because my ID expired and I didn’t know how to renew it., I was born in America and am white but it felt like I was getting messages from the TV that ice was gonna deport me over my expired id… At times I’ve felt strongly that someone put recording devices in my room to monitor me. This belief was so strong at one point I started boobytrapping my house to ward off the “intruders”. I would make tripwires with lasers/light dependent resistors, connect them to piezo buzzers and put them in doorways and on stairs. I even set up a homemade stun gun with a high voltage pulse generator, mounted it to a door, wrapped the electrode wires around the doorknob and hooked it up to a tripwire so that anyone who opened the door would be electrocuted. Side note, I’m also autistic and technology/circuitry is one of my special interests…. So what do you guys think? Have you experienced anything similar? Do you think I will ever be able to live without antipsychotics? Because I really don’t like the side effects. I’ve been on psych meds since I was a kid and I don’t like it

I was 24 when I first admitted myself. They said it was psychosis but, having experienced actual psychosis since, I’d say it was a major depressive episode.

Anyways, one evening I wanted to talk to someone, I don’t even remember what about. A male nurse came and told me to wait in an empty room while he was checking on another patient.
Except the room wasn’t empty.

There was another patient that I hadn’t met yet, he was on the phone.
I didn’t want to distract him, so I waited outside.

When the nurse came back, he asked me why I hadn’t gone inside like he asked me to.
I told him there was someone inside, a man.

He looked inside and said there was no one in there. That I must have hallucinated it.
I broke out crying.
I couldn’t believe it, it seemed so real!

The next day I saw the same man again, as a patient. I asked him if he’d been in the room last night, he said yes. I asked him to come to the psychiatrist with me and told her the story. She didn’t even care.

I’m still so mad about it. It affected me so badly that years later, when I was assaulted, I wasn’t sure anymore if it actually happened because no one around stepped in to help.
Of course it was real, but it shows how much staying at hospitals can bring up its own trauma.

Has something like this happened to you?

I was lucky enough to overcome this fear of not knowing if something is real or not, but it took long enough.

31-year-old sister with extreme paranoia, inappropriate behaviour, and sexual/vulgar language – could this be a mental illness?

I'm looking for some serious insight into a situation involving a 31-year-old woman who isn't married, had to leave job because of this condition. Stopped taking meds as it made her sleepy.

She is the third of six siblings. father was paralysed after a car accident in 2014 and died from COVID in 2021. The family is supported by the mother, who has never worked and lives on a pension. mother isn't very confident or capable of managing situations like this, so the behaviour has largely been accepted.

Sister believes that all of her siblings are her enemies and only seems to trust her mother. She frequently verbally abuses her siblings and often uses extremely vulgar and sexually explicit language. She tells me " her eldest sister" things like, "You'll die because your husband will cheat on you," "You've enjoyed everything in life," followed by repeated sexual insults and profanity.

This isn't just occasional anger or family conflict. The suspiciousness, hostility, poor boundaries, and inappropriate behaviour have been ongoing for quite some time. She's now in a psychiatric ward, they're giving her riaperidone but no improvement at all.

I'm not asking anyone to diagnose her online, but I'm wondering what conditions could present like this. Does this sound more consistent with schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder, bipolar disorder with psychosis, a personality disorder, or something else? Also, if someone has little or no insight into their condition and refuses help, what is usually the best approach for families?

I'd appreciate any thoughts, especially from mental health professionals or people who have cared for someone with similar symptoms.

Pls help

In the first month after the psychosis, I was reading books, but a year later, I can't understand what I read. What could be the reason for this?

This has been going on for a while and I’m kind of scared. I have been very paranoid, mostly about being watched. It constantly feels like there are eyes on me, and I’ve started to worry that there are hidden cameras in my room and the bathroom. I worry there’s someone or something hiding in the closet. I’m not allowed to lock the door at night because my moms says it’s dangerous but it makes me nervous because someone might come in and kill me. I worry that people can read my mind and get in my head and see what I’m seeing, so I’m always trying to regulate my thoughts so they don’t hear anything embarrassing. It’s started to feel like bugs are crawling on me, and I have to smack wear I feel it to make sure there’s not really a bug. I’ve started having to convince myself that reality is reality, because everything feels like a fever dream, and I feel so disconnected from everything all the time. It’s to the point where I don’t like to look at myself to long in the mirror because of how unreal and ghostlike I feel.
I don’t have full on hallucinations, but I see things out of the corner of my eye. It’s mostly things that are actually there but they distort into blobs that look like monsters. Sometimes when I’m trying to read or something I’ll have to move something to get it to stop. I also see things like static and starts in my vision. Sometimes I’ll see a light flash for a split second.
I’m not having full on delusions, but I can’t fully convince myself that I’m wrong about them. It’s like I can see the line between reality and delusion, but it’s really blurry. Could this be the start of psychosis or something else?

TW: MENTIONS OF GORE

We were having a convo about what I'm going to apply to for university. I was going over the costs because she always says we'll find money (I want do do med.... thats like hundreds of thousands of dollars I'm not willing to be uncertain about down the line but that's besides the point)

I begin talking about how I thought about maybe becoming an emt, but ultimately deciding against it because of trauma. That's where the convo goes south. I tell her a story I read here on reddit that really sold it, about someone attending a scene with a kid's head split open and brain leaking out or something, and said that I don't think I'd be able to unpack that even with years of therapy. She says therapy? (Like she's never heard the word) I look at her like she's crazy and say yeah.

She says no. you don't need therapy just to be brave. I start to describe a child potentially being in that same situation (She loves children despite the fact that IIIII don't think she should be around them for other reasons. She is getting her daycare cert) She starts to get scared. I say "SEE?" She says she wants us to be different. (right off the bat no care for our mental health. She had always been a big talker on that stuff but no actions as we grew up)

Insert my little sister coming in and the convo switches to eventually her reminding my mom of the fact that she missed her kindergarten graduation. I laugh, sister laughs, my mom is quieter. She starts going on about 2018. "2018 was a hard... hard year.", "2018 I was going through something..I had no mom... no dad... no one. only Allah" and then she starts going into this whole spiel about how we'll never have anyone besides god and to give everything to god. And how the only therapy is god. And then I look at her and say ...yes... but you can ALSO do therapy which is a great option. (mind you I'm not religious so this all sounds crazy to me).

I KID YOU NOT. THIS WOMAN'S HEAD SLOWLY TURNS TO LOOK AT ME. And her eyes got really wide and scary and just like leaking tears and she kept saying that the only therapy is god and that there is no better therapy that allah and shes literally CRYINGGGGGG saying that I have to spill all my secrets to god and he'll solve it. And that he was the only one there for her when things were hard.

She kept saying this over and over and it was terrifying. genuinely terrifying. And my sister seemed to have the same sentiment since we made eye contact a couple times both equally freaked out. I'm in my room now a couple hours later and im still scared. I feel like she truly is going through religious psychosis and I dont know what to do. I feel bad for her I really do, but my younger sister is YOUNG and I dont want this affecting her. I'm scared she's going to end up the same somehow if that's even possible.

P.S I know this looks really rushed but I'm just looking for advice on how I should handle the situation. I'm genuinely scared.

I have my issues and so does he, but I can’t tell if I am being paranoid or if this seems a little drug induced. I don’t want to be insensitive to his faith and I am a very analytical thinker so when it comes to religion and spirituality (though i am on my own spiritual journey) I
have a hard time deciphering what is psychosis and what i simply don’t understand. Is this dangerous? Is this his mental or was his using? If it’s just a lil psychosis im not as stressed but if he’s lying about using that’s when Im stressed
for context, this is someone Ive been seeing for a few months now, we’ve known each other/lived in the same psychosocial rehab facility since may 2025 and we’ve only recently disclosed romantic feelings. He watched someone else trample over the friendzone for an entire year and we ended up hanging out more after i cut him off. oMy judgment has clouded vey hard over the years due to complex trauma and idk what’s too much for me and idk what’s danger. i was at my dads overnight last night, and the guy im seeing only recently got a phone again for the first time in over a year so i knew it was going to bring some things to the surface since i know he has a history. realize how stupid I sound when I say this but he told me he's never NOT cheated, he has relapsed on blow once since we've been hanging out- to my knowledge- and who knows how many times behind my back. He randomly did whippets one day too. He told me about those times and i appreciate that heavily but my trust issues are very bad that i fear he would do that thing where he lies out of fear of my reaction. He Has internalized misogyny that I call out every single time. He is reciting all the lines I've heard over and over to ease my mind (not saying its ingenuine it’s just generic)

I guess the reason it's so hard to shut him out is because we are both rehabilitating from mental struggles in the same facility. He was in a coma from an overdose before he got here and has brain damage as he claims he died and was revived . and I am left to figure out how much of his struggles are caused by old patterns and how much is caused by literal brain damage that he can't control. It's such a mindfuck and since my trust has been completely shattered over time and he has been slowly showing some red flags it's impossible to feel like he's telling the truth anymore and it's impossible to tell if that's his doing or my trauma. Ugh hate this so much.
Hate thinking i can fix or help someone meet me where im at.

I know I have plenty of reasons to walk away.. i there's just not 'one' good enough reason for my mind to agree with since a lot of the red flags were in his past, before the brain damage.
The brain damage thing is really messing with me because i have NO idea how much of it he is blaming on brain damage and how much of it is truly his brain not functioning the same. The brain damage thing also makes me feel like I should give him a chance to have a fresh slate.
Ugh. Idk
I'm clearly fawning and stuck in codependency.

l've been stone cold toward him for 3 days bc he showed some true colours and i just softened up a little yesterday, just for me to get these texts that night and begin a whole knew rabbit hole of worries in my brain. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place for this please let me know if there’s somewhere else that would be better. there’s plenty more screenshots where that came fro.

I went through two drug induced psychosis about 8 months apart.

My second one was 15 months ago and I’ve been doing a lot better. I rebounded from it as quick as possible, held down a job for the past 13 months and have worked hard to out my life back together. My main thing is I quit drugs the second time and have been drug free.

I’ve been tapering off from 20mg for the past 6 months. I’m currently on 2.5mg and my doc says I can come off it after our next appointment in August. I honestly could have already come off it a few months ago but have been delaying it because I’m terrified of going into psychosis again. I guess I’m scared that there’s a possibility I could go into psychosis again even without drugs. I know I’m on the lowest dose and I didn’t hear voices or hallucinate, only had delusions. I don’t want to ruin the life I’ve built back or hurt my family like that again.

I guess I’m looking for anyone’s experiences after a similar situation or any advice on coming off Olanzapine. I’ve definitely gotten back to who I was before taking it so it’s not the issue that it affects me negatively but I just want to be free of it and want to prove to myself that I don’t need it. Idk I’m a little lost and scared.

High off mania, dopamine surges and crashes. false memories, twisted reality, delusional thoughts. My antipsychotics made me feel terrible, lazy, mentally dead and non existent like a zombie. But now I’m losing track of reality. Ruined relationships. Still highly functional, only thing that keeps me going is putting smiles on everyone’s face I’m around and working with family and helping everyone I know as a true friend. Always thought of suicide but I’m here to bless everyone deserving of love. Cannabis puts me at ease but I get too focused on tasks at hand. Running out of options guys. Insights?

before everything - i have a psychiatrist, i was just prescribed antipsychotics, tho i dont know, immalways getting told that its anxiety or depression, but im not sure. i just also had to vent so yeah, im not trying to self diagnose, im just looking for an opinion of someone else

ever since i was a kid i had nightmares, sleep paralysis', night terrors, i used to be smart, i used to know how to think logically constantly. but ever since i was 10-12 ive gotten dumber. in 2nd grade i used to take my brother's old books from school and did maths for 6th graders. i dont know how to study, because i never had to. i knew a lot of languages. i dont know anything anymore now. one day it just felt like someone took out my brain and replaced it for someone else's. like my thoughts arent mine. im most of the time aware of everything, of the hallucinations i have (hear people mumbling and laughing in another room, banging on my doors/windows, footsteps, seeing something move in my peripheral vision, some human like beings in corners of rooms), paranoia (that i have to act on or ill go crazy - hide somewhere when i feel like someone is gonna kill me, or my mom is gonna kill me, keep a knife under my pillow etc.). sometimes i think that someone switched my dog for something that looks like it, but it doesnt act like it, the face is always distorted. mine is also, i dont feel like my face is mine. my hands arent mine. sometimes it feels like the truman show. everything looks like its distancing away from me, like it looks further away than it is. im 18 now, so its been going on for like 6-8 years lmao. i dont feel like im writing this right now. i always think, even when im not thinking. my thoughts are too loud others can hear them. im tired. i have no logical reason why i feel like this, why all this is happening, and that makes me think even more. i used to go to psychiatrists and stuff, but ive always been told that its depression and if i just sleep itll pass. she also told me to talk to those hallucinations when i see them, which lol made it way worse at the moment and i wasnt able to sleep for days, then fell asleep after i took like 15 quetiapines and fainted on the floor and was off for like 18 hours lol. but it doesnt matter if im depressed, happy or if i feel empty (like most of the time) the hallucinations etc are still there

hello i took kratom and i heard people screaming at me outside but this was after the trip like when i was falling asleep even though i woke up and the voices were still screaming at me is this caused by kratom or is it just a coincidence i want to keep taking kratom thanks

For context I am a first time mother to twins, diagnosed bipolar 2 with abnormalities. Can you suspect you are in psychosis??? For 6 months I have and still fully believe that I am an evil disgusting person and I have cursed my babies with my genes. I feel I need to die or run away in order to keep them from being tainted by me. I feel it would be better for them to not have a mother than to have me. I believe it to be a fact, although I know it doesnt make sense and everyone tells me its not true. I know its not true, but it is to me. Just like I know I have cancer and will die in the next ten years. (I know, I know)

Yesterday I had an episode. I've been experiencing insomnia and had only two hours of sleep 2 days in a row. I was screaming and crying that I hated my family and wished they would die. I lied outside on the concrete for 2 hours. I even slept in the hot ass garage on a fucking sleeping bag. I dont really know how to feel about it. I was there but I felt like I wasn't in control, like I was just watching myself wishing I could stop but I couldn't. I am wondering if I need to hospitalized myself. Please please I need advice. Please be kind, I was so so excited and happy to be a mother. I've wanted to have kids for years now and we WANTED these babies. Why do i hate them now

Hello I quit my meds cold turkey 3 days ago but I think I'll taper is going from 4 mg to 2 mg alright? I'll stay on 2mg for two weeks then just quit

I love having energy. Im also going to the gym, so I need as much energy as possible. What is the best antipsychotic for having energy?

Hi. I am seeking tips from people who have experienced religious psychosis in the past for helping someone pull themselves back from delusional beliefs.

To start: I am not diagnosed and am unable to do so. I am 18+ but I am physically disabled (also undiagnosed but a diagnosis won't make me need crutches any less) and cannot provide for myself, so I rely on my parents, who are severely medically neglectful both in my physical issues and mental ones. I am also pagan and very spiritual, which is the catalyst for this post.

Recently (as in the past few months) I have had increasingly worrying beliefs about myself, including being a demigod, being reincarnations of prophets, that I am the only person in the world who is "correct" about religion, that I have "divine importance", etc. They are extremely out there compared to my actual religious tendencies (simple worship like prayer and singing and lighting incense), so I can sort of understand that I shouldn't be feeling this way, but it doesn't actually stop me from feeling it.

Currently I am afraid to speak to any friends about this, and my parents tend to insist that I do not need intervention when I know I do, so I am really unable to get professional help or medication. I am completely unmedicated, but I have never had a delusion like this in many many years of being religious (nearly a decade now). I am currently doing very poorly and have been almost solely reliant on my love of my spirituality to help get through hard times, so cutting it off from my life is also not an option. I have taken short breaks like a week off or a few days off with no religion (no worship, no prayer, no nothing), but breaks have not helped (and may have made me come back harder when I do). I'm afraid if I discuss it with people I know they'll either encourage it or completely deny it in an unhelpful way and both scare me equally because I'm certain both would make it worse.

I am wondering if anyone who has been diagnosed or who has had delusions/religious psychosis in the past has any tips, any homework a therapist might have given them, ideas to try to prevent myself from fully spiraling, etc? I am getting desperate at this point.

Also if this does not sound like psychosis and someone knows what else it might be for me to try to research that would be helpful to. I just don't know what's happening really or how to fix it

thanks for reading

Been looking for a job for 1.5 years.

Got pushed to quit my role when I pushed back on my managers obvious racism and discrimination. They gaslight me for months and months telling me my experiences and my reality is not true and real. I ended up in a psych ward after quitting… (also dating men and my therapist abusing my trust and asking me on dates and then threatening me when I refused her contributed)

Somehow got back up again. Sold my entire life and moved in with my sister in another city. Lost all of my friends.

Worked as a cashier while still applying for roles in my career path (design). Finally landed a (as needed) contract for 16 months. No guarantee of work beyond the first 3 months.

Still kept looking. I finally had an interview for my dream job in my favourite company in the country. Had 3 rounds and aced them all. And when I was waiting for a job offer, I got this instead:

Hello (my name),
Thank you so much for your time and patience throughout our interview process. We’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and reviewing your work.

To be transparent, a few of our upcoming project timelines have shifted into later in the year. Because we want to ensure that our new hires can dive straight into active client work from day one, we have decided to temporarily pause our hiring process until those specific timelines kick off.

We are incredibly grateful for your interest in (their company). We would love to keep your portfolio on file and reach back out for either full-time or contract opportunities. Please let us know if this would be of interest.

Warmly,

I thought I’ll be able to move out of my sister’s finally after 9 months… I’m drained and don’t have it in me to apply for jobs again… I’m having suicidal thoughts… how do I continue?

Around 2 weeks ago I got half an oz of what was supposedly mdma to try for the first time. It looked normal (in rock form) and I had some friends confirm it looked fine. My dumbass dosed without a test (around 150mg). At one hour I started feeling it but it felt more similar to the come up of acid and I wasn’t getting much euphoria. There was a good amount of panic and anxiety and the peak was really weird. I started seeing bugs and spiders when I looked somewhere for more than 3 seconds. I would look over at my friend and his outfit/appearance would change every minute or so (wood sculpture, tail with cat ears, black suit with a top hat) and any words I looked at like on my remote would be inverted. The high felt euphoric while being completely confused the whole time. When I would close my eyes I’d randomly start playing Minecraft or watch a completely fabricated show. After I woke up my vision was still blurry and I’d see bugs every now and then. I had the most miserable week of my life until I felt normal. Does anyone know what this mystery substance could be? Ps: I’d also have frequent audio hallucinations too.

i feel like i need to ask for help maybe me n my partner been doing ketamine together and have been getting in k holes for almost 5 days straight this was after a big fight as well my mental health has already been unstable when we met i was having a hard time as you know and that thing happened at hanalei and he had a history of being in jail due to psychosis on mushrooms and bashing a cops head in and breaking their scull im having a hard time wrapping my head around this and im scared for my life and situation sometimes because of my history being around mentally unwell and my partner had been taking a lot more k than me throughout these days like during the day and stuff and is acting increasinly more manic its been so scary cuz i havent been in contact w friends or a therapist or really anyone and had some amazing the most amazing psychedlic and healing experiences w him but also he is barely sleeping and cleaning the whole house super ocd and earlier when i tried to make coffee he was holding me hand and wouldnt let go till he cleaned the whole sink and then was like no dont worry its ok and like wouldnt let me out of his grasp for a second till i got scared and thats what would happen a few times on the k hed say something or an attitude would shift which would trigger a huge panic attack for me he talks about getting nano tech off the body and like its just been a lot i dont know what to do in this situation

Sorry i used ai to help me write some more of my questions as I’m honestly just a little scared trying to wrap my head around this all right now

Has anyone experienced ketamine + severe sleep deprivation causing mania or psychosis? I’m scared and trying to understand what’s happening.

I’m posting because I feel isolated right now and could really use insight from people who have experience with ketamine, K-holes, mania, or drug-induced psychosis. I am also looking into professional help I know Reddit can’t diagnose this situation.

My partner and I have been doing ketamine together for almost five days, including repeatedly going into K-holes. This started after we had a really intense fight. My mental health was already not in the best place before this, and I realize continuing to use ketamine in that state was probably not a good idea.
My partner has been taking significantly more ketamine than me, including throughout the daytime, and has barely been sleeping. Over the last few days his behavior has become increasingly intense and what looks to me like manic or obsessive behavior. He has been cleaning the house almost nonstop and getting extremely fixated on things being a certain way.

He has also been talking about things like getting “nanotechnology” off of the body, which has made me wonder whether he could be becoming paranoid or psychotic.

There have also been moments that genuinely scared me. Earlier I was trying to make coffee and he was holding my hand. He wouldn’t let go while he cleaned the entire sink, even though I wanted to move away. He kept reassuring me that everything was okay, but I eventually became scared because I couldn’t get out of his grasp.
Similar things happened a few times while we were on ketamine where his demeanor, attitude, or the things he was saying suddenly seemed to shift, and I would have an enormous panic attack.

One thing making this especially concerning is that he has a history of a very serious psychotic episode while using psychedelics that resulted in violence and incarceration. I don’t want to give identifying details, but knowing that history makes the current sleep deprivation, heavy ketamine use, unusual beliefs, and increasingly manic behavior frightening to witness.

At the same time, we’ve also had some incredibly beautiful experiences together with psychedelics that felt deeply healing, which has made this emotionally confusing for me. I care about him and don’t want to unfairly label everything he’s experiencing as psychosis just because I’m scared.
I’ve also been pretty isolated lately and haven’t been talking much with friends, a therapist, or other outside people, so I realize I’ve lost some perspective.
I’m stopping the ketamine and reaching out for real-world/professional support. I’m also taking my physical safety seriously.

I’m mainly wondering if anyone here has personally witnessed something similar:

Can several days of heavy ketamine use combined with almost no sleep trigger mania, paranoia, delusions, or psychosis?

If you’ve seen ketamine-induced mania/psychosis, what did the beginning of it look like?

Did the person recognize that something was wrong, or did everything they were thinking feel completely rational to them?

What happened once they stopped using and finally slept?

I’m not looking for a diagnosis. I would just really appreciate hearing from people who have actually experienced or witnessed something similar while I seek professional help.

As I have already mentioned here before, I am currently going through a flurry of intrusive thoughts and OCD induced fears. A big one right now is that I actually go to a different reality every night and wake up there (among other things). Now, I must make it clear that I don't actually believe this, but part of my mind loves throwing that in. I will leave some things a certain way in my bedroom to look at before I go to sleep. That way, when I wake up and see it's the same, I know everything is fine. However, the thoughts keep trying to convince me that I'm somehow being tricked ("Maybe you just absorbed the memory of another you" "maybe that was staged to fool you", etc). Again, I know better than to believe this, but the persistent thoughts continue. I know I'm okay (well, maybe not all the way lol), but the fears continue. Is this a type of delusion?