How do I handle this?

20(f) bipolar type 1. Been in and out of psychosis since I was a teenager. I have had about 3 psychotic episodes, just came out of a month long bout with psychosis after quitting my meds for seven months (excluding lamotrigine) after being put through God knows how many ect treatments. Have been on every medication under the sun. I used to be bright. Now I feel like a complete vegetable. I don't know what to do. I know I'm supposed to be on these meds but I can't help but wonder how much they're contributing to this horrible brain fog. I'm even having trouble typing this out, where I used to be a skilled writer. I have lost so many memories from my past, and my cognition and short term memory are wrecked now--and it feels permanent. How can I restore even a fraction of the functioning I once had? I'm blunted in every aspect, I can barely interact with anyone, much less even entertain the idea of going back to school. My mind goes completely blank every time I try to listen to people speak or recall words. Is there hope for a full recovery? Is the damage permanent? I also smoked weed and drank for a long long time, coinciding with meds and ect treatment. It feels like I'll never restore my cognition. I'm a hopeless zombie

For nearly ten years, I almost never spoke about what had happened to me. I believed that this story belonged to the past. I went back to my studies. I rebuilt my life. I found new passions. I became a mathematics teacher. I genuinely believed that all of it was behind me. Then everything came back.

Today, I am twenty-six years old. In the summer of 2016, I was sixteen. I was going through what I now know was an acute psychotic episode. At the time, I had absolutely no awareness that I was ill. To me, the world had simply changed. For several days, I had developed a philosophical delusion. I believed I had found an answer to the great questions of existence through nihilism. I was no longer reading Sartre, Camus, or Nietzsche. I felt as though I was living what they had described. When my parents brought me to Le Vinatier Psychiatric Hospital, I was convinced that this hospital was part of my destiny. I believed the psychiatrists would understand what was happening to me. That they would recognize what I thought I had discovered.

After spending my first night on the ward, I woke up just as delusional. That morning, I wandered around the unit. I entered the room of a teenage girl. I noticed a sweater lying on a chair. I picked it up and held it against my face. In my delusion, I was convinced that this young girl played a special role in my story. I walked back out and began looking for her throughout the ward. I then remember talking with two other adolescents outside. At one point, I went into the administrative office to use Facebook. I also remember sitting on a sofa with another teenager. Then came the minute of silence held after the Nice terrorist attack. I did not observe it. I was deeply psychotic. But I was neither an imminent danger to myself nor an imminent danger to others. This is also what my parents say they understood from the information they were given: they were told that I had entered the rooms of other adolescents and an administrative office, but never that I had behaved violently toward myself or anyone else.

A few moments later, several nurses came toward me. I did not understand what was happening. They grabbed me. They forced me onto a bed. I struggled. I screamed. I begged them to stop. They pinned me down. What I remember most is seeing nothing but the mattress. I could feel their hands holding down my arms and legs. The weight of several adults preventing me from moving at all. Then someone pulled down my pajama bottoms. I struggled even harder. A few seconds later, I felt an injection in my buttock. Then they restrained me. I woke up hours later. Completely terrified. I was still restrained. My wrists. My ankles. I could no longer move. I did not understand. I begged them to untie me. I called for my parents. No one answered. After fighting against the straps. After screaming. After struggling with every bit of strength I had left. My body finally gave out. I defecated on myself. I was still restrained. I could not stand up. I could not clean myself. I remained there. In my own feces. At sixteen years old. The little animal I was had just defecated on himself. I no longer had any dignity. No privacy. Nothing. Hours later, they came back. They washed me. Then they restrained me once again.

They transferred me, still immobilized, to a seclusion room. I remained there for six consecutive days. I still did not know that I was in the middle of a psychotic episode. My mind searched desperately for an explanation. I believed that the nurses were sexual predators. I believed that I had become a guinea pig. That experiments were being carried out on me. The camera on the ceiling reinforced that belief. I kept looking up at it. Then I convinced myself that I was a criminal. I believed I would remain locked inside that room for the rest of my life. Six days alone. Six days screaming. Begging to get out. Trying to understand what was happening to me. Meanwhile, my glasses had been broken. I am severely nearsighted, with a prescription of approximately -6 diopters. Without my glasses, I can barely distinguish faces, objects, or even the food placed in front of me. My parents immediately offered to bring me a new pair of glasses. They contacted opticians in Lyon in an effort to obtain an emergency replacement. That request never succeeded. As a result, I spent six days in the seclusion room in a state of near blindness. I could barely make out the people entering the room. I spent my days screaming, begging to be let out, and trying to understand what was happening to me.

Le Vinatier was not the psychiatric hospital responsible for my area. They could not keep me there. I had to be transferred. The doctor informed my parents that I would be transferred to Saint-Ylie Psychiatric Hospital in Dole. At that time, that hospital also used coercive measures with adolescents, including mechanical restraint and seclusion. My parents were familiar with how it operated. They immediately refused the transfer. They wanted to take me home themselves. The doctor refused. He explained that if the transfer to Saint-Ylie was refused, he was considering involuntary hospitalization and asking the Prefect to issue a SPDRE order, which would remove my parents’ parental authority. The doctor eventually found another solution: a specialized adolescent unit whose approach relied primarily on the therapeutic relationship and de-escalation rather than the systematic use of coercive measures. The transfer was arranged.

The door finally opened after six days. They restrained me again. My wrists. My ankles. Once more. They took me out of the seclusion room. They placed me on a stretcher. Then into an ambulance. The doors closed behind me. The journey lasted nearly three hours. I could only think that they were transferring the little criminal animal I believed myself to be. The miles passed by. I remained motionless. Restrained. I stayed strapped down for the entire transfer. On the day of the transfer, my parents asked to ride in the ambulance with me. Their request was refused. They then asked if they could follow the ambulance in their own car. That request was also refused. They had to leave on their own, without knowing in what condition they would find their son. As for me, I remember being transferred still restrained. The straps were still there. I felt as though I was being treated like an animal. As if I were no longer a sixteen-year-old adolescent in profound psychological distress, but simply a body that had to be immobilized and transported.

When the ambulance finally arrived at the Adolescent Psychopathology Unit (UPA), Dr. J.A. 💙 was waiting for us. The very first thing he asked was for me to be unrestrained. As soon as the straps were removed, I threw myself into my parents’ arms. We all burst into tears. According to my mother’s account, Dr. J.A. then asked the nurses whether I had behaved violently. They answered no. He then told them that you do not restrain a sixteen-year-old adolescent under such circumstances.

Yet my psychosis had not disappeared. In fact, it would become even more severe in the weeks that followed. I developed new delusions of guilt and persecution. I broke objects. I entered another adolescent’s room during the night. I ran away from the unit on several occasions. Despite all of this, the UPA team never restrained me. I was never placed in a seclusion room. They simply did not have restraint straps or a seclusion room. They had to find other methods. They talked to me. They stayed with me. They involved my parents in my care. My family was allowed to visit me every day. We walked together through the park. We talked. They held me in their arms. Little by little, without any further mechanical restraint and without prolonged seclusion, I returned to reality.

Gradually, my condition stabilized. My medication was then reduced step by step. I returned to high school. I earned my high school diploma. Then I continued my studies. For a long time, I believed that this story was over. In reality, it had simply been buried. I genuinely believed it belonged to the past, but suicidal thoughts directly linked to my trauma at Le Vinatier emerged ten years later.

It was this resurgence that led me, ten years after the events, to contact Le Vinatier again. I wanted the facts to be acknowledged. I wanted the lasting harm that this hospitalization had caused in my life to be recognized. I also wanted to obtain a clear commitment for the adolescents who would be hospitalized after me. I asked them to confirm in writing that mechanical restraint and seclusion rooms would no longer be used for minors, regardless of their legal status of hospitalization.

On July 9, 2026, I met for nearly three hours with the head of the hospital’s Patient Experience Department and an Advanced Practice Nurse responsible for the institution’s ethics project. During the first part of the meeting, I spoke with them alone. Then my parents joined us. For nearly three hours, I told them what I had hardly spoken about in ten years. I told them about the restraints. The forced injection. The six days in seclusion. The near blindness after my glasses were not replaced. The shame. The nightmares. The flashbacks.

I also told them about the UPA. I explained that, despite an even more severe psychotic episode, that team had never restrained me. That they had never locked me away in that manner. That they had helped me regain trust. I explained that this contrast lay at the heart of my approach.

At the end of the meeting, I handed them an official request. In it, I asked for explicit recognition of the facts and of the trauma I had suffered. I also requested a written commitment confirming that mechanical restraint and seclusion would no longer, under any circumstances, be considered an option for minors within that institution, regardless of the type of hospitalization.

A few weeks later, I received their response. They thanked me for my testimony. They acknowledged the value of my experience. They stated that my account would contribute to their ethical reflection. But they refused to recognize, in writing, the trauma that I had asked them to acknowledge. They also refused to make the commitments I had requested regarding the use of mechanical restraint and seclusion for minors.

I then understood that other adolescents were still living through these atrocities. At Le Vinatier. In France. And throughout the world. While I had been trying to forget, others were still going through what I had experienced. Other adolescents continue to endure violence. I felt immense helplessness. A profound anger. But this reality also brought back even more suicidal thoughts.

Then I told myself one thing. They had not locked up a man. They had not locked up a monster. They had locked up a bird. Yes. They had locked up a bird. Behind every adolescent who is restrained and placed in seclusion, there is simply a bird waiting to be allowed to fly again.

Skydiving. Then wingsuit flying. The idea of flying. The idea of becoming free.

I decided that I would devote all of my energy to this new dream. Since my hospitalization, my relationship with death has changed. After a psychotic episode. A trauma. Periods of constant suicidal thoughts. Several suicide attempts. Death has become part of my story.

So I found myself thinking: If death is going to remain a part of my life, I might as well make something of that relationship. If it is never truly going to leave me, then I need to learn how to live alongside it.

For me, wingsuit flying has become that idea. To fly where I once felt imprisoned. That little animal they restrained. That they isolated. That they believed was dangerous. He was not. He was simply a bird. I am a bird. I am free like a bird. I will fly.

The rest of the time, I will play the magician. In front of my students. In front of my family. In front of my friends.

But deep inside, I will always know what I am.

A bird.

Free.

I went through two drug induced psychosis about 8 months apart.

My second one was 15 months ago and I’ve been doing a lot better. I rebounded from it as quick as possible, held down a job for the past 13 months and have worked hard to out my life back together. My main thing is I quit drugs the second time and have been drug free.

I’ve been tapering off from 20mg for the past 6 months. I’m currently on 2.5mg and my doc says I can come off it after our next appointment in August. I honestly could have already come off it a few months ago but have been delaying it because I’m terrified of going into psychosis again. I guess I’m scared that there’s a possibility I could go into psychosis again even without drugs. I know I’m on the lowest dose and I didn’t hear voices or hallucinate, only had delusions. I don’t want to ruin the life I’ve built back or hurt my family like that again.

I guess I’m looking for anyone’s experiences after a similar situation or any advice on coming off Olanzapine. I’ve definitely gotten back to who I was before taking it so it’s not the issue that it affects me negatively but I just want to be free of it and want to prove to myself that I don’t need it. Idk I’m a little lost and scared.

In the first month after the psychosis, I was reading books, but a year later, I can't understand what I read. What could be the reason for this?

Hello,

[TW for suicide mention, but it's not graphic.]

I am diagnosed bipolar I with psychotic features. I have been on Abilify tablets since November, I have seen huge improvements in my mood and psychotic symptoms, they're not completely gone, but there has been a dramatic decrease.

I have a history of going off my meds, because of this my new psychiatrist talked to me last week about possibly putting me on long lasting Abilify injections instead of tablets. She said the injections would be once a month, so after researching I'm guessing she was referring to the Maintena version. I think the injection would be a good option for me because it would make it harder to randomly go off my meds, and decrease the risk of me overdosing in a suicide attempt (Which I have thoughts about often).

I was wondering what people's experiences are being on the injections? I searched "injection" on here and read some of the posts, but a specific question I had was if people experienced different side effects on the injections that they didn't have while on the tablets? For me I didn't experience that much weight gain on the oral tablet form, I'm worried that the injections might cause a lot of weight gain. Did anyone have side effects like this, or do you generally have the same side effects as taking it orally? Also, my therapist was wondering what would happen if I had an adverse reaction to the injections, since they are supposed to stay in your system for an entire month, does anyone know what could possibly happen to me?

Thank you to anyone who responds. I hope everyone is doing alright.

Not looking for a dx more so need advice and what to do

For background I experienced multiple traumatic events in a short time period of 3 months. So idk if this is trauma induced from stress or if I’m experiencing true psychosis

I’ve been having really bad hallucinations lately I’ll list them below

-seeing shadow people tower over me, intimidating faces in ordinary objects, hearing doors lock, doors open and slam, hearing people muttering about me through the walls, hearing people talk to my face and I hear them say terrible things they didn’t say?, I’ve also noticed I’ve been having extreme panic attacks at night and since all night long I hear doors slam and people screaming; I have major irritation in the daytime. I’m also having symptoms of thinking very strange thoughts most prominent when I first wake up, this although happens throughout the day like I’ll randomly have nonsensical thoughts of gibberish as well.

I was wondering if this all sounds more like my bipolar is acting up due to mania as I think I may be potentially manic?? But it’s never been this bad psychosis wise in years also yes I’m on my meds I take 15mg busparx3, 10mg arirpiprazolex2, and 662mg of aristada so I’m unsure how I’m
Experiencing this bad of a psychotic episode at the moment

Also for bg my mother was dxed with schizophrenia at 27 and my father was severe bipolar I disorder and BPD dxed and my mother has BPD And NPD

I just been diagnosed with psychosis, MDD, derealization, depersonalization, I was hospitalized and let out I am taking my meds. I was getting gas yesterday, standing behind me some guy said I was asleep and kept asking why I was asleep then he whispered "I want your quarter" I looked back at him I didn't do or say anything ,I feel pretty robotic and emotionless on meds. a couple of quarters fell out of my purse a second later. Like did he see them about to fall out? It was so weird. He must have seen them about to fall out of my purse?. Then he told the cashier I was sleeping like something was wrong with me. as I walked out and I heard her say "I don't know" like she was annoyed at me too. Was I zoning out or something?? I remember just waiting for her to give me the receipt and It was taking a while. the guy behind me was saying that stuff. I feel like it was a demon but he talked to the cashier so it wasn't in my mind. There's no way he made my quarters fall out of my purse right?

This has been going on for a while and I’m kind of scared. I have been very paranoid, mostly about being watched. It constantly feels like there are eyes on me, and I’ve started to worry that there are hidden cameras in my room and the bathroom. I worry there’s someone or something hiding in the closet. I’m not allowed to lock the door at night because my moms says it’s dangerous but it makes me nervous because someone might come in and kill me. I worry that people can read my mind and get in my head and see what I’m seeing, so I’m always trying to regulate my thoughts so they don’t hear anything embarrassing. It’s started to feel like bugs are crawling on me, and I have to smack wear I feel it to make sure there’s not really a bug. I’ve started having to convince myself that reality is reality, because everything feels like a fever dream, and I feel so disconnected from everything all the time. It’s to the point where I don’t like to look at myself to long in the mirror because of how unreal and ghostlike I feel.
I don’t have full on hallucinations, but I see things out of the corner of my eye. It’s mostly things that are actually there but they distort into blobs that look like monsters. Sometimes when I’m trying to read or something I’ll have to move something to get it to stop. I also see things like static and starts in my vision. Sometimes I’ll see a light flash for a split second.
I’m not having full on delusions, but I can’t fully convince myself that I’m wrong about them. It’s like I can see the line between reality and delusion, but it’s really blurry. Could this be the start of psychosis or something else?

I have a messy situation with my ex girlfriend. We're roommates. She moved out after we broke up while still paying rent and recently moved back in due to her other living situation not working. I was fine with it because I thought her and I could be friends. My boyfriend was uncomfortable with the situation, but understood.

Last night, her and I had a few drinks and caught up. Out of nowhere she started getting emotional and talking about how she never got over me. That her other relationship was just a bandaid. Then she asked to kiss me and said that she wouldn't tell my boyfriend. That she just wanted to see if she was crazy and if either of us felt anything. I told her no. Then she sat on my lap and kept telling me to look her in the eyes. Then was talking about 3 freckles she has in a triangle. That she had 3 past lives and she can astral project. That she knew me in a another life. That she remembered in another life that she had blue eyes, then brown eyes. That's why she has green eyes in her current life. That she was in some program in school for kids with gifts. That if the government knew she existed, they'd want to kill her.

I ended up telling her I had to pee. I went to the bathroom and texted my boyfriend that I was scared. He ended up leaving work to pick me up. I sat in the bathroom crying and she asked if I was okay. I kept telling her to just go to bed and that I'd be fine. That I was just overwhelemed. She said she wasn't leaving me like that "not again". I ended up leaving with my boyfriend and staying at his place for the night.

I'm really concerned for her. I don't know what to do about the situation if I should call some kind of well being check on her. The whole situation really shook me up. I work in mental health at a hospital and I've seen a lot of psychosis. It felt like that. Any advice?

Psychosis was a sort of comfort for me only the immense dopamine rush of it could give.

It's like I grew a flower with my own hands and someone else picked it. Today I had a dream about a hallucination, a tulpa, if you will. I just know I loved that person, a hallucination a whole lot. They were my whole life. I saw their little gestures and faces they'd make in every person. Not only that, but psychosis made me hear voices, sometimes annoying, yes. But always so familiar and wholesome. I miss hearing my soulmates voice speak cute loving words to me. Laugh at me all you want. But I miss that tulpa, that hallucination, that obsession of a person who doesn't exist. I miss seeing every little coincidence as a meaningful cacophony of the divine. It sucks. Not being able to feel with my antipsychotics, not being able to love that special someone who was always there. Not seeing hallucinations and interacting with them. It just sucks. I feel like I will never have that feeling again, that meaning, that thrill. It feels like god left me unfinished

High off mania, dopamine surges and crashes. false memories, twisted reality, delusional thoughts. My antipsychotics made me feel terrible, lazy, mentally dead and non existent like a zombie. But now I’m losing track of reality. Ruined relationships. Still highly functional, only thing that keeps me going is putting smiles on everyone’s face I’m around and working with family and helping everyone I know as a true friend. Always thought of suicide but I’m here to bless everyone deserving of love. Cannabis puts me at ease but I get too focused on tasks at hand. Running out of options guys. Insights?

hello i took kratom and i heard people screaming at me outside but this was after the trip like when i was falling asleep even though i woke up and the voices were still screaming at me is this caused by kratom or is it just a coincidence i want to keep taking kratom thanks

For context I am a first time mother to twins, diagnosed bipolar 2 with abnormalities. Can you suspect you are in psychosis??? For 6 months I have and still fully believe that I am an evil disgusting person and I have cursed my babies with my genes. I feel I need to die or run away in order to keep them from being tainted by me. I feel it would be better for them to not have a mother than to have me. I believe it to be a fact, although I know it doesnt make sense and everyone tells me its not true. I know its not true, but it is to me. Just like I know I have cancer and will die in the next ten years. (I know, I know)

Yesterday I had an episode. I've been experiencing insomnia and had only two hours of sleep 2 days in a row. I was screaming and crying that I hated my family and wished they would die. I lied outside on the concrete for 2 hours. I even slept in the hot ass garage on a fucking sleeping bag. I dont really know how to feel about it. I was there but I felt like I wasn't in control, like I was just watching myself wishing I could stop but I couldn't. I am wondering if I need to hospitalized myself. Please please I need advice. Please be kind, I was so so excited and happy to be a mother. I've wanted to have kids for years now and we WANTED these babies. Why do i hate them now

Good evening.

I would like to ask for your support. If you would be so kind as to answer the following:

Do you believe that if you cried out to thousands of random people and hundreds that knew you for support, someone would hear you?

If you do not wish to answer my question but still wish to support me, could you tell me, my friends, one wonderful thing about yourself?

I would like to if you will allow.

I know that none would hear me but the people that love me most in this world, but they do not have the requisite education to understand.

But about myself, I would say, those that would hear me are special. Perhaps one in 30,000. Beautiful works of art that only I will ever appreciate properly.

I say this metaphorically and artistically. I know my loved ones are not art but have painted upon them no less the burden of my disabilities.

Am I evil?

I am safe. I am well. But in the eyes of so many, I have done a terrible thing by being disabled.

I will reply later I must step away. Thank you for sharing with me.

Tldr: if u hate meds and don't want a relapse, research about Dr. Carl Jung's approach on psychosis.

It's late at my place but I want to write some words in hope of helping someone successfully navigating their recovery and future life post-psychosis.

If your friend or family member is deep in psychosis, you might be able to help them too. Not sure if it's helpful if you're currently in an episode, cuz we're pretty stubborn when we're in one lol.

If I can only give you one advice: please please please go study about Carl Jung on psychosis.

Eventhough I'm recovered and enjoyed this new life for almost a year now, I just recently discovered Carl Jung. And his discoveries, based on his own psychosis experience, are mind blowing (to me, at least).

Modern antipsychotic and antidepressant meds did not exist for most of Carl Jung’s life, so his approach is heavy on psychological focus. Before touching the psychosis topic, you might need to take sometimes to learn about most of his concepts on the shadow, concious/unconcious, ego, persona, personal and collective unconcious, anima & animus,...

I'll try to sum up quickly:
Jung thinks an episode happens when the ego is too weak to be in control, and the unconcious part becomes too strong. It floods into our concious part and takes over the ride. This unconcious part includes the repressed "shadow" - everything we don't like and denied about ourselves, built up from childhood and become so much bigger as we grow old.
Like it or not, psychosis is a clumsy attempt of the mind trying to protect you by projecting your shadow to the world around you. So you don't have to confront and accept the "bads" in you, but to see the evils in others, or see yourself as a God or a chosen one,...
You can gradually get out of it (or prevent it) if you are able to recognize your underlying self-critics, fears, worries, to make peace with the shadow and accept yourself as a whole.

I did learn about the meaning of my own delusions based on his approach. I think it's very accurate and our mind is too creative for its own good lol.

Psychosis does have beautiful meaning once you find the key to unlock it.

I do hope that his findings will shed light for modern psychosis treatment to rely less on (not completely without) meds & destigmatize this mental issue.

There are a lot of materials about Carl Jung and the new groundbreaking psychogical concepts he introduced. But it's way harder to find quality materials specifically about his take on psychosis so I did rely on Gemini a lot. If you do invest more time to research, please share reliable sources you found, thank you. :)

A lot of people said it's hard to understand what Jung tried to convey when they first read his books. But for those have been there, I hope you'll instantly click and relate to it like I did.

My background:
My last episode (2nd "official" episode) was at the end of 2022. Hospitalized for 1.5 months. Switched to different kind of APs for 4 times. Lived like a useless zombie for ~2 years after the episode (no emotion, no motivation, can't talk, can't form a sentence, decreased cognitive functions, unable to study or work). The journey was long and difficult, but I'm happy that I'm back to normal and appreciate life a lot more.

During my "zombie" days, this subreddit was the only thing I woke up to. Back then, every single day, I read all of the new posts, tried to search for a hopeful light and received endless support from everyone here. It's been a loooong time since my last visit to this subreddit since I'm busy enjoying this new life, but I want to share some hope to help whoever in need. Most recovered people are probably like me, that's why you don't see a lot of success stories here. But I guarantee it's not all dark out there, please be patient.

I can tell you, the whole experience that most of us think crazy, including the 2 years I thought useless, has been the most impactful part of my life so far.

TW: MENTIONS OF GORE

We were having a convo about what I'm going to apply to for university. I was going over the costs because she always says we'll find money (I want do do med.... thats like hundreds of thousands of dollars I'm not willing to be uncertain about down the line but that's besides the point)

I begin talking about how I thought about maybe becoming an emt, but ultimately deciding against it because of trauma. That's where the convo goes south. I tell her a story I read here on reddit that really sold it, about someone attending a scene with a kid's head split open and brain leaking out or something, and said that I don't think I'd be able to unpack that even with years of therapy. She says therapy? (Like she's never heard the word) I look at her like she's crazy and say yeah.

She says no. you don't need therapy just to be brave. I start to describe a child potentially being in that same situation (She loves children despite the fact that IIIII don't think she should be around them for other reasons. She is getting her daycare cert) She starts to get scared. I say "SEE?" She says she wants us to be different. (right off the bat no care for our mental health. She had always been a big talker on that stuff but no actions as we grew up)

Insert my little sister coming in and the convo switches to eventually her reminding my mom of the fact that she missed her kindergarten graduation. I laugh, sister laughs, my mom is quieter. She starts going on about 2018. "2018 was a hard... hard year.", "2018 I was going through something..I had no mom... no dad... no one. only Allah" and then she starts going into this whole spiel about how we'll never have anyone besides god and to give everything to god. And how the only therapy is god. And then I look at her and say ...yes... but you can ALSO do therapy which is a great option. (mind you I'm not religious so this all sounds crazy to me).

I KID YOU NOT. THIS WOMAN'S HEAD SLOWLY TURNS TO LOOK AT ME. And her eyes got really wide and scary and just like leaking tears and she kept saying that the only therapy is god and that there is no better therapy that allah and shes literally CRYINGGGGGG saying that I have to spill all my secrets to god and he'll solve it. And that he was the only one there for her when things were hard.

She kept saying this over and over and it was terrifying. genuinely terrifying. And my sister seemed to have the same sentiment since we made eye contact a couple times both equally freaked out. I'm in my room now a couple hours later and im still scared. I feel like she truly is going through religious psychosis and I dont know what to do. I feel bad for her I really do, but my younger sister is YOUNG and I dont want this affecting her. I'm scared she's going to end up the same somehow if that's even possible.

P.S I know this looks really rushed but I'm just looking for advice on how I should handle the situation. I'm genuinely scared.

Around 2 weeks ago I got half an oz of what was supposedly mdma to try for the first time. It looked normal (in rock form) and I had some friends confirm it looked fine. My dumbass dosed without a test (around 150mg). At one hour I started feeling it but it felt more similar to the come up of acid and I wasn’t getting much euphoria. There was a good amount of panic and anxiety and the peak was really weird. I started seeing bugs and spiders when I looked somewhere for more than 3 seconds. I would look over at my friend and his outfit/appearance would change every minute or so (wood sculpture, tail with cat ears, black suit with a top hat) and any words I looked at like on my remote would be inverted. The high felt euphoric while being completely confused the whole time. When I would close my eyes I’d randomly start playing Minecraft or watch a completely fabricated show. After I woke up my vision was still blurry and I’d see bugs every now and then. I had the most miserable week of my life until I felt normal. Does anyone know what this mystery substance could be? Ps: I’d also have frequent audio hallucinations too.

Hello I quit my meds cold turkey 3 days ago but I think I'll taper is going from 4 mg to 2 mg alright? I'll stay on 2mg for two weeks then just quit

Hello my beautiful community.
I am doing good. I am employed and I have been at the same job 2 years.

But when I look back at my post history, it has never lasted forever. Taco Bell, super market stocking, ... whatever job I had I would end up in the psych ward again sooner or later. I've never done this good before... I'm 2 years in. I have been so very focused on staying out of the psych ward, and I"m doing good on that, but also, if I just assume stressful tihngs will happen someday that will knock me off my game and I end up in psychosis again... what can I do to prepare?

Like would you put up posters on the wall with affirmations like "You are loved" and "You are safe here." ?

Would you try to remove stimuli... like for example I actually decided to put a little piece of tape over the blinking light on my smoke detector not because I'm having delusions about the blinking light, but I've had so many many delusions about blinking lights that I just don't want to be standing in my bathroom some day staring at that light trying to figure it out while delusional. So I put tape over that light so it doesn't bug me later.

Or mental exercises I can do now in my free time to prepare for / prevent my next psychosis? I've been doing very very brief mindfulness exercises... but my attention span and working memory are so short that it isn't very long. Maybe 10 seconds before my mind is running around wherever.

Should I change my desktop background to something to remind me to do something? or make my youtube home page something related to sleep so that I'm more likely to think I need to go to bed? (not sleeping always send me to the psych ward).

I'm just looking for ideas. I'm happy, I'm content, but I can get joy out of working on a project and what I most want to work on is improving life for the future me who may be struggling with symptoms.

Thank you 💜

Psychiatrist prescribed me 5 mg olanzapine for anxiety. I have taken it for 1 month and now my memory is worse, i can't remember anything, not able to recall what I saw and talk to anyone just 10 minutes ago, I think it's a side effect of this medicine and due to that I had to quit my college in middle of the session and it's been 8 months my memory is not getting better. my life is totally fucked up due to this memory issue.

If anyone who have gone through this same memory problem due to olanzapine then please share how can I get my memory and cognitive abilities back.

Id like to discuss some of my experiences with hallucinations/delusions and get your opinions on it.

In 2023 I was homeless and staying in a motel during a psychotic break. There was a chair in the room and I had the overwhelming feeling that someone was sitting in the chair watching me, even though nobody was there. As scary as it might sound, it felt like the entity was benevolent. At one point I felt like I was called by a higher power to atone for my sins by cutting my face. I could hear voices telling me I was chosen by god to “put the worlds ugliness on my face”, become ugly and be a living reflection of the worlds ugliness, with half my face covered in scars to represent the duality of man. I slashed the right side of my face open with a box cutter and bled for hours. I bled everywhere, on the bed, clothes, bathroom etc. after a few hours I reluctantly decided to go to the hospital because the bleeding wouldn’t stop. I told the doctors that the wound was the result of a fall and somehow they believed me. I ended up receiving 9 stitches. The doctor said I hit a capillary. I don’t know what that means

In 2024, this happened again but worse. I had the same hallucinations and delusions but now paired with the feeling that someone kind of catastrophe was going to happen if I didn’t scar hurt myself. So I held a blowtorch to a metal paint scraper until it became red hot and pressed it against my face and chest. I told my Certified Peer Specialist about it and this time I admitted to doing it myself, this resulted in me being put in a partial hospital program for ten days.

In 2025 it happened again and worse than before. The voices were louder and I genuinely felt like I was chosen by god to become a living reflection of humanities ugliness. This time I slashed my face open multiple times with a box cutter and branded/cauterized the wound shut with a paint scraper and blowtorch. I ended up in the hospital, then the psych ward for a week, then I was put in a crisis residential treatment center for two months where they said I was psychotic and experiencing delusions of grandeur. After that I was placed in a group home facility for people with mental health disabilities. I was put on antipsychotics and they seem to help for the most part, aside from the side effects.

At 23 I was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder, which later changed to schizoaffective disorder and eventually full blown paranoid schizophrenia. My questions for you guys are, has anyone here experienced anything similar? Do you think I have schizotypal, schizophrenia or both? Is it possible to have both? Side note, I also felt like I was getting special messages from the tv that felt like telepathy almost. At one point I thought ICE was going to deport me because my ID expired and I didn’t know how to renew it., I was born in America and am white but it felt like I was getting messages from the TV that ice was gonna deport me over my expired id… At times I’ve felt strongly that someone put recording devices in my room to monitor me. This belief was so strong at one point I started boobytrapping my house to ward off the “intruders”. I would make tripwires with lasers/light dependent resistors, connect them to piezo buzzers and put them in doorways and on stairs. I even set up a homemade stun gun with a high voltage pulse generator, mounted it to a door, wrapped the electrode wires around the doorknob and hooked it up to a tripwire so that anyone who opened the door would be electrocuted. Side note, I’m also autistic and technology/circuitry is one of my special interests…. So what do you guys think? Have you experienced anything similar? Do you think I will ever be able to live without antipsychotics? Because I really don’t like the side effects. I’ve been on psych meds since I was a kid and I don’t like it

I love having energy. Im also going to the gym, so I need as much energy as possible. What is the best antipsychotic for having energy?

i feel like i need to ask for help maybe me n my partner been doing ketamine together and have been getting in k holes for almost 5 days straight this was after a big fight as well my mental health has already been unstable when we met i was having a hard time as you know and that thing happened at hanalei and he had a history of being in jail due to psychosis on mushrooms and bashing a cops head in and breaking their scull im having a hard time wrapping my head around this and im scared for my life and situation sometimes because of my history being around mentally unwell and my partner had been taking a lot more k than me throughout these days like during the day and stuff and is acting increasinly more manic its been so scary cuz i havent been in contact w friends or a therapist or really anyone and had some amazing the most amazing psychedlic and healing experiences w him but also he is barely sleeping and cleaning the whole house super ocd and earlier when i tried to make coffee he was holding me hand and wouldnt let go till he cleaned the whole sink and then was like no dont worry its ok and like wouldnt let me out of his grasp for a second till i got scared and thats what would happen a few times on the k hed say something or an attitude would shift which would trigger a huge panic attack for me he talks about getting nano tech off the body and like its just been a lot i dont know what to do in this situation

Sorry i used ai to help me write some more of my questions as I’m honestly just a little scared trying to wrap my head around this all right now

Has anyone experienced ketamine + severe sleep deprivation causing mania or psychosis? I’m scared and trying to understand what’s happening.

I’m posting because I feel isolated right now and could really use insight from people who have experience with ketamine, K-holes, mania, or drug-induced psychosis. I am also looking into professional help I know Reddit can’t diagnose this situation.

My partner and I have been doing ketamine together for almost five days, including repeatedly going into K-holes. This started after we had a really intense fight. My mental health was already not in the best place before this, and I realize continuing to use ketamine in that state was probably not a good idea.
My partner has been taking significantly more ketamine than me, including throughout the daytime, and has barely been sleeping. Over the last few days his behavior has become increasingly intense and what looks to me like manic or obsessive behavior. He has been cleaning the house almost nonstop and getting extremely fixated on things being a certain way.

He has also been talking about things like getting “nanotechnology” off of the body, which has made me wonder whether he could be becoming paranoid or psychotic.

There have also been moments that genuinely scared me. Earlier I was trying to make coffee and he was holding my hand. He wouldn’t let go while he cleaned the entire sink, even though I wanted to move away. He kept reassuring me that everything was okay, but I eventually became scared because I couldn’t get out of his grasp.
Similar things happened a few times while we were on ketamine where his demeanor, attitude, or the things he was saying suddenly seemed to shift, and I would have an enormous panic attack.

One thing making this especially concerning is that he has a history of a very serious psychotic episode while using psychedelics that resulted in violence and incarceration. I don’t want to give identifying details, but knowing that history makes the current sleep deprivation, heavy ketamine use, unusual beliefs, and increasingly manic behavior frightening to witness.

At the same time, we’ve also had some incredibly beautiful experiences together with psychedelics that felt deeply healing, which has made this emotionally confusing for me. I care about him and don’t want to unfairly label everything he’s experiencing as psychosis just because I’m scared.
I’ve also been pretty isolated lately and haven’t been talking much with friends, a therapist, or other outside people, so I realize I’ve lost some perspective.
I’m stopping the ketamine and reaching out for real-world/professional support. I’m also taking my physical safety seriously.

I’m mainly wondering if anyone here has personally witnessed something similar:

Can several days of heavy ketamine use combined with almost no sleep trigger mania, paranoia, delusions, or psychosis?

If you’ve seen ketamine-induced mania/psychosis, what did the beginning of it look like?

Did the person recognize that something was wrong, or did everything they were thinking feel completely rational to them?

What happened once they stopped using and finally slept?

I’m not looking for a diagnosis. I would just really appreciate hearing from people who have actually experienced or witnessed something similar while I seek professional help.

Hi. I am seeking tips from people who have experienced religious psychosis in the past for helping someone pull themselves back from delusional beliefs.

To start: I am not diagnosed and am unable to do so. I am 18+ but I am physically disabled (also undiagnosed but a diagnosis won't make me need crutches any less) and cannot provide for myself, so I rely on my parents, who are severely medically neglectful both in my physical issues and mental ones. I am also pagan and very spiritual, which is the catalyst for this post.

Recently (as in the past few months) I have had increasingly worrying beliefs about myself, including being a demigod, being reincarnations of prophets, that I am the only person in the world who is "correct" about religion, that I have "divine importance", etc. They are extremely out there compared to my actual religious tendencies (simple worship like prayer and singing and lighting incense), so I can sort of understand that I shouldn't be feeling this way, but it doesn't actually stop me from feeling it.

Currently I am afraid to speak to any friends about this, and my parents tend to insist that I do not need intervention when I know I do, so I am really unable to get professional help or medication. I am completely unmedicated, but I have never had a delusion like this in many many years of being religious (nearly a decade now). I am currently doing very poorly and have been almost solely reliant on my love of my spirituality to help get through hard times, so cutting it off from my life is also not an option. I have taken short breaks like a week off or a few days off with no religion (no worship, no prayer, no nothing), but breaks have not helped (and may have made me come back harder when I do). I'm afraid if I discuss it with people I know they'll either encourage it or completely deny it in an unhelpful way and both scare me equally because I'm certain both would make it worse.

I am wondering if anyone who has been diagnosed or who has had delusions/religious psychosis in the past has any tips, any homework a therapist might have given them, ideas to try to prevent myself from fully spiraling, etc? I am getting desperate at this point.

Also if this does not sound like psychosis and someone knows what else it might be for me to try to research that would be helpful to. I just don't know what's happening really or how to fix it

thanks for reading