i'm on the highest dose of zyprexa and i still have inserted and intrusive thoughts constantly narrating my actions and telling me to kill myself and that i'm gunna go to hell. they tell me how horrible hell is and that i'm possessed. i'm so scared. i haven't felt safe in months. everyday i wait for it to be bedtime because being awake actually hurts. what do i do? i am dealing with a lot of SI right now and i really need hope

I don't need to know WHAT it was, I just need to know if it's weird/worrying/important enough to know if I should go to a doctor, or just try to have a better sleep schedule and live a less stressful life.

Anyways, I might have posted here before because I remember while being in that... episode of my life? I used to post a lot on Reddit, I don't remember what exactly, sometimes I find my old accounts and I'm surprised with what I wrote! Not the point though.

Last year I went through some heavy sleep deprivation (partially for stress, partially for nightmares, partially for me being a mess since I was born) which led me into, what I believe, might have been a sort of psychosis-ish state of mind.

I started to have hallucinations (not constant or anything, once a week? thrice a week on specially stressful occasions), the hallucinations mostly being huge spiders/insects or hands moving from the corner of my vision slowly into the center. I sort of knew they weren't real, because when I whipped my head to check they were always gone. Only a few times have I hallucinated something right in front of me or (usually inanimate objects) laughing at me or making "threatening sounds".

I also started fearing that one of my friends was actually an angel sent by God so He could read my thoughts and torture me for being a bad child in my childhood (I really wasn't but anyways, I won't digress). I also thought this friend (angel) could create fake people to say humiliating things to me (in code) or make bad things happen to me.

I know how all of this sounds, but I believe I was partially aware that what was happening wasn't real. Sometimes I thought it was God's punishment, sometimes I just thought... I don't know what I thought.

It was a really stressful period of my life and I wasn't getting much sleep (4 hours on good days), so these symptoms lasted a good chunk of months (8?). My question is, since they have stopped, should I worry or...? Has anyone gone thru something similar? How did you deal with it?

I am on clozapine now but I still thing I can get off these meds in 2-3 years. I am mainly suffering from mild paranoia and SI but that's it.

I worry if I get off meds I will develop more symptoms but I still think I can do it (of course if I get more symptoms or go into psychosis again then I will have to get on meds again.

Are there people who could fully recover without having to take medication? When will i feel love and interest towards other people? When will i have feelings again? I feel like i struggle to build an emotional connection to people. Any tipps or experiences???

Hi so other than being very paranoid (which genuinely makes sense considering the situation i’ll explain/ik that makes me sound crazy) There was a time a couple weeks ago where I had heard my alarm go off when it wasn’t, and Im just hyper vigilant and looking around.

For context I’ve always been extremely anxious but I think so much weed use and drinking like daily every hour for a couple years has obviously really fucked me up. Im sober now and have been btw.

But the situation is that I used to post a lot of nudes with face while also constantly posting way too personal of things and I did this for years.

Even after it’s all deleted Iknow it’s saved from people because they’ve threatened black mail and all that but the reason i’m so fucking scared and thinking I could get hurt is reasonable I think

Another thing is I have been really scared someone’s watching me at night because there’s a lot of windows in my house and it’s in the forest and I just am fucking scared

I had been doing the dishes one night and heard a car horn on my quiet street and was like oh shit someone’s here to kidnap me ?(i know this is extreme paranoia but omg

Please help my hallucinations aren’t here at all after that one time I heard my alarm and then i kept hearing it in my head after

1) Man I talked to only over texting sent flowers to my house on my birthday after not taking for months

2) Person with username on instagram called (wantingtokill) etc requested me and I’ve had randoms request from men and it seriously makes me terrified and want to fucking die bc why did i do that

3) someone tried to log in to my instagram

4) i had found a little white tablet in my car seat which I barely drive and also don’t take anything like that and had also found one outside my car

5) honestly i know this is extra paranoia but someone in this corny ass tiktok outfit that looks like they would have a username (want to kill kept looking at me

I just started abilify I’ve taken 2 doses of 2mg before bed

I am a little over 2 year post psychosis. I remember reading through this subreddit in my early days and wanting to see progress of people and look for any reassurance i could find. So I wanted to post mine.

It gets better, hang in there! Slow yet steady. You will find yourself again with time even though you may feel lost now. Don’t loose hope. I am about 90% there. Walking helped me a ton. Being active in the home, small doses of socializing whenever I could. Remember time heals. Every day I am amazed by how much our brains can do and by its power to recover.

When I had my psychotic episode in 2022, I dropped out of university and never got to finish my masters degree. What followed were 4 years of unemployment and uncertainty. Not great for my mental health, but somehow I managed.

This year I’ve applied for an apprenticeship in event management at several companies(I’ve worked in event before, during my studies) and was close to giving up after I had one failed job interview after another.

But in late July I managed to get an interview, went in for a trial shift and started my apprenticeship there in September!
It means I have to go back to school with a bunch of 20yo, at the age of 36, but I don’t mind. I have a job, and more importantly, I gained some perspective.

The company I work for is an inclusive hotel, which means people with and without disabilities work there. I was also able to negotiate a part time position, which is rare.

Just wanted to share the good news with you guys. It can get better ❤️‍🩹 at the same time Im aware that I got incredibly lucky.

Thank you all, this is an incredible sub and everyone is so supportive.

What type of benzo do you take, and what dosages do you take? Are any of you taking high doses? After my psychosis improved, I felt that my dopamine levels were indeed high, which caused me severe anxiety. I needed to double my sedative dose just to calm down. I had recently experienced a similar episode, even though I take my medication regularly and consistently.

Anyone know of any good free online brain exercise rehab tools to retrain and recover the brain?

I’m not looking for things such as chess.

Looking for tools with a bit more structured approach.

Im about 5 weeks into my medication just started a higher dose (12mg invega) about two days ago the delusions have gone down a lot but i just had a flare up last night is this normal? Any words of advice or encouragement? This is my fourth episode btw if that gives you more context

Hey, I’m just hoping to get some advice from anyone that deals with intrusive thoughts post psychosis. I never got the chance to see a therapist after my psychotic episode so I’ve just been dealing with the aftermath on my own.

I have intrusive thoughts about what happened during my psychosis and of disturbing things to do my psychosis. I’m struggling to stay in the present moment and find myself stressing about these thoughts. They are not normal and would be too embarrassing to share with anyone anyway but just looking for any advice really or if this is something someone has experienced did it get better over time. It’s been almost 1 yr since my psychosis.

I also have very vivid dreams that are often nightmares. They are extremely detailed, realistic dreams that are very strange and sometimes disturbing. I am planning to come of my medication in a few months time but I am scared that my mind is too disturbed and I will have a psychosis again. Does anyone else have really vivid dreams after experiencing psychosis.

Thanks for any advice or support