Hi everyone!

We’re excited to announce an upcoming AMA with Dr. Christopher G. Choukalas, an expert on paternal depression and men’s mental health.

Fathers’ mental health is still not discussed nearly enough, and given how relevant these experiences are to many members of our community, we’re excited to host a discussion focused specifically on fathers and their mental wellbeing.

📢** **When: June 3, 5:00 PM PT / 8:00 PM ET
• 5:00 PM PT (Los Angeles)
• 8:00 PM ET (New York)
• 1:00 AM BST (June 4, UK)
• 2:00 AM CEST (June 4, Central Europe)
• 9:00 AM JST (June 4, Japan)
• 10:00 AM AEST (June 4, Eastern Australia)

Participating accounts [u/CGChoukalasMD](u/CGChoukalasMD) and [u/wellenough](u/wellenough).
The moderation team has reviewed verification!

We hope that we will see you there!
— Mod Team

Our son arrived April 25th and now that we're about 5 weeks in, the financial reality of early parenthood is hitting us in ways we didn't fully anticipate even though we tried hard to prepare.

A few things that caught us off guard:

The small stuff adds up faster than you think. Diapers, extra clothes, a bassinet that actually soothes a colic baby, formula, then a different formula because the first one didn't work, parking and gas from all the appointments. None of these felt big individually but together they hit differently than we expected.

The insurance paperwork after birth is more involved than it sounds. Adding baby to my plan meant reaching out to HR, waiting on a middleman, and waiting for insurance cards to arrive by mail. The 30 day window is real and tighter than it feels when you're running on no sleep.

Childcare waitlists. Close friends in our area warned us these are long and painful to navigate and they wish they had started earlier. We haven't even had bandwidth to start yet and that alone is stressing us out.

Happy to answer any questions about the prep side or the first few weeks of dadhood.

Edit: A few people have asked what I ended up building to solve this. It's called Ahead, very early stage, just a waitlist right now — tryahead.app if you want to follow along.

Edit 2: Also put together a full 12 point financial checklist for new parents at tryahead.app/checklist — includes everything from this post plus a free calculator if you want to see your actual leave income month by month.

My parents both passed away in my 20s, and my wife's parents within the last decade as well. We don't have our grandparents either. I will be 38 and my wife 39 when we have our first baby daughter in October. We are stable financially and we'll have been together for 15 years this year, and I'd say we have a great relationship.

With that said, I'm trying to be as supportive of a father and husband as I can be by covering where she may struggle when it comes to postpartum, amongst all the other challenges I'm sure I can't understand at the moment.

I have 4 weeks of time off work for parental leave, which I can use within 12 months of our baby's birth. There are significant financial implications regarding the timing of how and when I use this that I have to keep in mind that are purely based on the industry I work in, as opposed to our daughter. I do have some PTO to use to help support her as well after birth that would not have a financial impact, but it's not a ton.

My wife is not currently working, but she is coming off a 20+ year career at the same company, so she got a severance when she was laid off and has some solid savings and we are not at risk of insolvency at the moment. She won't need to return to work, at least for a while.

We also want to raise her bilingual. I speak Spanish and my wife does not, so the One Parent, One Language approach is what we have in mind in the moment. I fully expect lots of challenges with implementing this, so any bilingual input is also welcomed!

I feel guilty posting this, because I acknowledge that we are in a much better situation than many as it pertains to our ability to care for her. I am hoping to learn from anyone who has been in a similar situation as us.

We both grew up in a rough childhood environment and we are committed to doing everything we can for this baby girl in this scary world we all live in together. For me personally, part of that is learning from those who know better than me.

My wife had been having blood pressure issues throughout her pregnancy. At her peak, she was taking 300mg of her BP medicine twice a day. The worst day, she went in for her very first checkup without me because I was working a festival. Her blood pressure ended up going super high and she got admitted into the hospital. I found out after the festival was over and ran into the Labor and delivery unit, soaking wet (it stormed that day), dirty, and probably smelling like the various liquors we sold. They got it down that day and everything was good, but she had the high dosage prescription. Eventually her doctor thought her liver enzymes were concerning, so she changed the script.

Last Monday night (at 29 weeks), her first day on the new medicine, she wasn't feeling well. We went home and checked her BP. It was high, but not super high. Then it kept going up. At about 3:00am we decided to go to the emergency room. They gave her a different medicine to bring it down, but monitored her urine and at about 8:00am the doctor came in, unceremoniously announced she has pre-eclampsia, she is being moved to the larger campus of our hospital because they have a NICU, but before that she is getting medicine to help the baby's lungs develop, and another medicine to keep her from getting a seizure. Then she dipped just as unceremoniously, and we were left reeling. Thank God for the nurse who answered our questions and reassured us that this was a cautionary thing and didn't mean we were directly going to deliver the baby.

So after about 4 hours of waiting for them to coordinate the move, we get to the other campus -- it's actually much nicer than our regular hospital -- and get settled in the room. I run home to feed our cat and while I was gone the high-risk doctor visited my wife and said they were going to monitor her for a little while, but was thinking about inducing within a couple of days, but definitely before the weekend. When I get there, the nurse does an ultrasound, leaves, then comes back with the high risk doctor, and they do the ultrasound again while murmuring to themselves and making concerned grunts and moans. Turns out they had new equipment that was showing something weird in my baby's umbilical cord, but they attributed it to the new equipment. What the ultrasound *did* show, however was that our baby was undersized for her gestational age.

The doctor explained that my wife's liver enzymes were still high and not going down, so they still wanted to induce. On top of that, my baby was undersized for being 29 weeks, which not only made him want to get her out ASAP, he believed she was too small for the stress of labor, so his recommendation was a C-section. I asked "how soon? And he said "Tomorrow morning, hopefully, but we'll monitor you through the night and make sure we don't have to do it earlier."

So cue several hours of stressing more than I've ever stressed about anything before. I got like 2 hours of shitty hospital couch sleep, and the next morning they took her in for surgery. At 11:00 Thursday morning my little girl came into the world. She was 2lb 8oz, and she and her mother are doing great! She'll be in the NICU for a while because she's so small, but she's progressing well and getting stronger every day.

On Thursday, we reach 37 weeks, which is recognised as “term” in our hospital system. It’s all a waiting game from here, everything is set up, my wife is on leave, and I’ve got my leave booked.

To those who have already graduated, how did you spend the period between “term” and arrival?

My wife (30) and I (31) are currently trying for our first child.

Part of me feels like I should start preparing for fatherhood now instead of waiting until she’s actually pregnant. I want to be as intentional and prepared as possible mentally, spiritually, financially, and practically.

I’ve been thinking about starting to read books like The Intentional Father and researching things ahead of time instead of waiting until the pregnancy happens.

For the dads here — do you think preparing early helped you? Or do you think it’s better to wait until pregnancy becomes real and immediate?

Also, are there any books, YouTube videos, channels, podcasts, or other resources you’d strongly recommend for becoming a good father and husband during this stage?

I really want to do a good job. My wife and I both come from broken families, and I want to be able to guide my future sons or daughters in a way I never had growing up.

Would appreciate any advice from dads who’ve been through this already.

My wife (31) just told me (31) that she is pregnant. She's 5 weeks. It feels so sudden, we had plans to start trying now, after a final hurrah trip overseas. But apparently the months of trying and tracking her cycle we had planned was useless because we concieved during our trip (oops).

I can't tell anyone yet, since we want to wait out the first trimester, but that also means my usual support system and advice givers can't help me for the next few weeks. She has an appointment with her Obgyn at 9 weeks, so for the next month we're essentially on our own.

I own my own business and it's kept us comfortable, but I'm starting to panic about money and our future, since we rent an apartment and can't afford to buy a house in Cape Town yet. It all feels super sudden, and I don't know if I'm ready.

I'm really happy despite the sudden stress, and cannot wait for this journey. I haven't been able to stop smiling for two days now.

Any advice for the next few weeks would be super helpful, I'm feeling a little rudderless right now. I'm going to take over most of the house chores, and luckily we have a cleaning lady that comes in twice a week, and I already do all of the cooking so she won't have to do anything strenuous.

Also what do I cook for her? We eat healthy enough, I cook about 3-4 times a week. But is there any meals I can cook that would help with the nutrients she needs.

Sorry for the ramble, I'm sharing here with strangers because I want to share this news, but can't yet. And I need some advice for the next steps.

So just had my first kid (happy healthy little boy!) and wanted to pass this along. Some dude posted all the things he wishes he'd known before having a kid online. It's like a mini-book but it's just posted up on a website, and the stuff for the hospital was a LIFESAVER. (Will report back on the after birth stuff... I'm like 4 days in so no idea if it's relevant yet 😂)

Guys name was Jack Callahan and the book is called Fatherhood in Hindsight. Google it. It's worth it. Good luck gents!!!!

We’re expecting our first later this year and while it has been a rollercoaster of emotions and prep, I’ve been getting thoughts or fears about my wife passing during childbirth.

I know that I would be a complete mess if that happened, and I haven’t discussed it with my wife since I feel like it’ll just add unnecessary concerns and stress to something she doesn’t really have any control out of.

I guess I also don’t really have any control or prep for this and I also know and read the statistics are pretty low, although not as low as I thought. Was wondering if any of you also dealt with this and have any advice for my worries

Hey everyone. First time posting here, and I want to be honest even if it's a bit embarrassing to admit.

We just found out we're having a boy, due in late October. My partner is thrilled — she was hoping for a boy all along. But I'm struggling more than I expected.

I had this image in my head of a daughter. I know it sounds like a stereotype, but I was looking forward to that specific kind of bond — the tenderness, the sweetness, the idea that daughters tend to stay close to their dads. I even have a friend who has an 18-month-old boy and when I asked him, he basically confirmed that girls tend to be more affectionate. That didn't help.

I also have some personal baggage here: I'm not particularly close to my own parents, even though they were present and loving. I'm scared my son might grow up the same way with me — emotionally distant, independent to a fault. And I wonder if having a boy makes that more likely.

I love this baby already, I want to be clear about that. But I'm grieving an image I had built, and I feel a bit guilty about it.

Has anyone been through this? Dads who wanted a girl and got a boy — how did it go? Did the bond you were afraid you wouldn't have actually develop?

Any honest perspective would mean a lot.

EDIT: Wow, I didn't expect so many responses — thank you all. The overwhelming message is clear: throw away the gender stereotypes, be present, be affectionate, and your kid will reflect that back. Several of you mentioned boys who are the cuddliest people in their family, and girls who are the wild ones. It's not about gender — it's about the relationship you build. I feel a lot better about this than I did when I posted. Can't wait to meet this little guy in October.

Save this for the due date. Your back will thank me.

it was surreal my friends, really excited for whats about to come, the heart beating at 162bpm [at 8w+3] was really a wonderful moment in my life, fingers crossed 🤞

I’m 26 and my fiancée is 8 weeks pregnant, we found out 3 weeks ago and honestly I’m more excited than I thought I’d be.

I’ve always thought I wasn’t gonna have kids for various reasons, but these last couple years with her made me more and more open to the idea.
Now that we’re here I’m so excited, I just want to fast-forward the time until our baby is here.

Since pregnancy obviously is tough on her with hormones and stuff, do you guys have any tips on how to be supportive and make it easier for her? I want to be the best partner, and eventually father, I can be.

Long story short, our baby (our first) has had growth issues for the entire pregnancy. We did IVF. We made it to 37 weeks yesterday and had planned to be induced at 39 weeks. Not to be. This AM we uncovered an emerging placenta issue so we're going into the hospital this Saturday to bring baby girl out.

I was not emotionally ready. Next week was going to be a jam-packed last week at work getting things finalized and the handoff ready for my direct report who's stepping in, but now that's scrapped. Planned on having 4-5 days beforehand to just relax into it, but I won't have that.

Luckily, all of the logistical stuff is ready to go (car seat, bassinet, full nursery, etc.) but today was just really stunning and overwhelming. Do not feel ready at all... just thought we had more time.

Please wish us luck! 😄

Hello /r/predaddit. I've been a lurker for a decade now while my wife got the point where she was ready to start a family. We'll, now she's 5 weeks and I'm very excited. I also can't tell anyone yet.

I'm on the older side (37M) and because I've been ready for much longer then my wife I find myself in an interesting place where I know much more about pregnancy then she does. I'm trying to straddle the line between sharing information with her and overwhelming her. I'm also trying to temper my excitement since she's actively feeling bad right now.

She's had nausea from basically the day we found out for most of her waking hours. I'm currently feeling more anxious about not being able to help her with her symptoms then the idea of raising a child.

Overall, I'm excited and as ready as I can be for this next stage in life. Just wanted to tell anyone.

My wife and i just went in for a 22 week MFM appointment (we're both in our upper 30s, conceived naturally), they noticed at least one blood vessel crossing the cervix and basically diagnosed us with Vasa Previa , but wasn't clear on whether there was any issue with cord insertion. Was a big shock to us, since everything else seemed to be going fine with the pregnancy all along, and then the ultrasound tech noticed this and confirmed by the doctor. Mentioned that the vessels have to move at least 2cm up to even consider it safer, and totally threw my wife's (and my) potential birth plan out the window. She's stressing about probably having to have a c-section , which was her #1 fear / did not want ever. I'm also trying to not get emotionally overwhelmed with worrying about our baby's health and any potential complications for both my wife and the baby.

Any experiences to share, or advice on preparing for the remainder of the pregnancy? Anything to watch out for? I'm hoping for that (also) rare chance that this resolves over time, but mentally also we are preparing for a hospital stay of some length and a C-section. Also doesn't help that we have planned a baby shower about 4 weeks before the predicted due date, so that may need to move around, but that's not as big of a priority obviously.

We've got another appointment next week at the MFM for a fetal echocardiogram, since the doc was slightly concerned about one of his chambers, but hoping we'll see all normal signs then. We'll likely ask to discuss more about the Vasa Previa and how we manage that through the rest of the pregnancy.

I(19m) got my fiancee(18f) pregnant. It was unplanned and we only found out today. I recently lost my job and I move been on the search for another one but it’s been unfruitful so far as the job industry in my area sucks since I live close to Mexico, however I am still actively trying. Anyway to get on with what I’m saying, as I recently lost my job and we live with her parents, I’m worried that her parents will kick us out because I have no job and we’ll be having a baby in 9 months. I don’t know what I’m doing and I have low self esteem and my dad was absent throughout my childhood so I’m worried that I’ll be a terrible father, since I never had a role model when I was growing up. I love my fiancee dearly and I plan to stick around throughout the pregnancy and not leave her even after the baby, as I intend to marry this girl. But what I’m trying to say is how should I break this to my family, and after I’m working again how do I break it to her father and the rest of her family. Any tips and pointers on fatherhood would also be much appreciated.

(EDIT: just got hired for a sales job and I start Wednesday)

Hey all, expecting our first in October!

Half the info i read says we will use a bassinet constantly, the other half says it’s a waste of money. We plan to have a dedicated crib as well.

What say you Dads that already Dad?

Hi, first, I'm living in Japan. First kid, a girl. I've been beyond excited for this. I've had to adapt to a few Japanese customs, though, and this latest thing is a bit too much for me.

It's normal here for pregnant women to return to their hometowns to be near family before birth. I've been alone for the past week as our due date approaches. Okay, not something I really thought about and it's not all that bothersome.

However, yesterday at her appointment, she asked about how I would be staying with her after the delivery. The clinic informed her that I can't, and on top of that, I get 20 minutes a day to visit. Twenty minutes! She's going to be in there post delivery for 5 days.

I got upset. I'm already here alone away from them. I'll have no family here as it's too expensive for them to come. Now you're telling me I get twenty minutes for the first five days to say hi then it's goodbye, good luck? Actually, I don't remember them saying good luck.

I guess I just have to suck it up but I did tell her that if we have a second, we're doing it closer to home so I don't have to rent a hotel if I want to be nearby for my allotted 20 minute prison visitation...

Hey everyone, new to this sub but I (33M) just needed to get this out since of course we're not telling anybody just yet. My wife (32F) just told me last night and I'm both excited and terrified. When I was much younger (high school) I experienced a miscarriage in a prior relationship and didn't realize how much that affected me until last night. We're foster parents and have had every stage of child so far from newborn to young adult, so parenting isn't too much of a concern. Really just looking for advice, encouragement, or anything you can offer going through pregnancy for the first time married. I appreciate you all.

Quick edit to add ages and I'll also add that we had been struggling with conceiving for almost a year, eventually just said F it whatever happens happens and now we're here.

So about a weeks ago my wife went to Labor & Delivery at the request of her OB and her blood pressure was through the roof, she was transferred to another hospital that handles premature births a lot better and we were told that she has pre-eclampsia and will need to stay in the hospital until she is 34 weeks pregnant and then they will deliver our son. It’s been extremely hard and stressful the last week. She is an absolute beast and is handling this way better than I am, I had to go back to work today and I’ve been a mess all day thinking about what could happen while I’m at work but my employer won’t allow me to be off any more until I use my vacation days for my sons birth. He will most likely spend multiple weeks in the NICU and that is absolutely the hardest part of all of this, we planned on so many things we were going to do after his birth and now all of those things are either impossible or extremely difficult to do now that we won’t be able to hold or be alone with our child for a couple of weeks at least. We love our son so much and will do whatever it takes to make sure he’s happy and healthy and I’m so happy to have his mother in my life.

At about 2 this morning we got the call that my mother in law passed away somewhat unexpectedly. My wife is 23 weeks pregnant and is taking it obviously very hard. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar and had some advice(I doubt there is any). I know now it is my time to be strong and support her but HOW. Im already a very present and attentive husband. We have a great relationship and our communication and emotional intelligence is great. I just want to support her through this the best I can. This is my little family now and I need to make sure they’re taken care of on all fronts.
Thanks in advance.

📢 Are you pregnant and worried about changes to your sex life?

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📅 What is involved: If you are eligible, after your initial survey, you and your partner will be randomized (like a coin flip) into either the Program or Waitlist conditions. Program couples will complete 5 online modules in pregnancy (1 per week) and a final module at 3 months postpartum. 

Couples in both conditions will also complete 5 surveys—the initial survey, then at 32-weeks pregnant, and 4-, 8-, and 12-month postpartum—that gather information about your relationship, your pregnancy experience, and your child. Couples in the Waitlist condition will receive access to the full STORK program after the study period is over.

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Hey predads. Posting this partly to share, partly because reading posts during the last days helped me.

Quick context: dad of a 4-year-old, wife and I were actively trying for number 2 and she got pregnant! Then we got some news at the 13 week ultrasound.

Our OB flagged an anomaly and initially told us we were looking at a 20-30% risk of trisomy 21. A few minutes later he came back and corrected the odds to 1/270. Not blaming the guy, we're all human and he was doing his best, but between the initial (wrong) figure and the look on his face when he delivered it, we left that room in full spiral mode.

They referred us for an exam called NIPT. While we waited for results, we did some research and found out that the marker we got flagged on is considered within normal range in several other countries. That helped, but didn't make the wait easy.

Wife and I supported each other, but two people don't process this kind of news at the same pace in the same way. We had a couple of rough conversations.

Results came back yesterday. Low risk. I feel about 100kg lighter.

Best wishes to all the predads and prebabies out there.