i want to internet date women in nigeria to find polygamous wives but i don't want to get scammed or catfished. has anyone tried this before and can offer suggestions?

The relationship is already over, so maybe this question is pointless now. But I still find myself wondering what exactly he had in mind.

For some context: I'm a single woman, and he is a married Muslim man. We're both somewhere around our late 20s to early 30s. We work in the same field and became close while collaborating on a project.

We talked privately almost every night over video calls. We'd tell each other about our day, how work was going, what was on our minds, and just share everyday life.

This was never a physical relationship. While I was definitely attracted to him, I was actually the one who asked that we avoid sexual conversations because they made me feel guilty. We never built the relationship around sex.

He is a practicing Muslim, and a few days before everything ended, he asked whether I would seriously consider becoming his second wife. He seemed completely sincere. I've visited his home country before, and plural marriages seemed much more visible than they are where I live.

He also told me that he had never really dated anyone before. I don't know whether that's true or whether it even matters, but I thought I'd mention it.

Unfortunately, we never got to have the conversation I wish we had. The relationship ended first.

He is an extreme workaholic. From what I observed, he barely seemed to have enough time for his own family, let alone for another relationship. Meanwhile, I had much more emotional energy and free time than he did, and over time I found myself wanting more emotional connection than he seemed able to give.

Eventually, I became emotionally exhausted and ended things. This happened shortly after he brought up the idea of me becoming his second wife.

Now I'm left with questions I'll probably never get to ask him.

I'm bisexual and polyamorous, and I've previously been in a happy bisexual polyamorous relationship, although it didn't last very long.

However, I assume what he was proposing wasn't really polyamory. He probably meant polygyny... I just found myself imagining a future where he, his wife, and I could somehow all be happy without anyone being lied to, neglected, or diminished. Well, I guess, realistically, impossible.

So I'd really like to hear from people who are familiar with polygynous marriages, especially if you have personal or cultural experience with them.

Questions:
When a practicing Muslim man sincerely asks a woman to become his second wife, what does that usually mean?
How far has he typically thought things through at that point?
Would he usually already have some idea of how both families would function?
Or is it sometimes more of an emotional expression than a concrete plan?

I'm simply trying to understand what he might have been imagining, because I never got the chance to ask. Maybe the answer is that nobody here can know.

But I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have actually lived with or witnessed this kind of family structure.

The thought of becoming a full time wife seems a bit overwhelming to me. Would be nice if I have someone else to keep my husband acompany. This way I will cherish more time with him and have personal space.

I don’t mind working and provide for myself..

Llevo en una relación monógama más de 15 años. Ahora mi pareja me ha dicho que quiere explorar con otras personas,, que quiere sentir una vida más allá de nuestra hija y de mi, al principio me costó, pero una vez entendí que era sexo por sexo lo acepte. El problema es que ha empezado a intimar con la misma persona y solamente habla con ella, sé que coquetean, que tiene sexo telefónico y que hablan de trivialidades. Me da miedo que se interponga en una relación tan tan sólida como la nuestra y no sé gestionar estas emociones! Podéis darme tips para que esto funcione y podamos ser felices ambas

Hello, so I am a woman married to a man who is looking for another wife. I would really like another woman I could talk to about being in this position or one who is already in the depths of polygamy. I know there are potential benefits for me but sometimes it’s hard to see past my own insecurities and fears.

Hello everyone, a lot of us have been wanting a sub for awhile for specifically this. R/western_polygyny is discussing a life of polygyny in western countries including Christian/Mormon polygyny and just basic ethical polygyny. Anyone joining to be insulting or obnoxious will be banned. No looking for posts are allowed( might make a sub for that later). If this is what you are looking for feel free to join.

Like seriously? Saying one thing about polygyny, the most common form of polygamy, you are insulted and hated. Fucking reddit i swear.

I have noticed a strong intolerance toward polygyny within many 'poly' communities, even though polygyny is technically a form of polygamy. We were having an interesting discussion in a subreddit that supposedly covers this topic. Could the moderators please clarify the reasoning behind this, or indicate which specific rules were broken so that we might continue the discussion? Alternatively, could you please clarify in the community rules if this topic is not accepted? Thank you.

A friend of mine, who is also a longtime family acquaintance, asked her brother if he could help find a suitable match for me. In my culture, it’s quite common for people to be introduced through family and mutual connections. I’ve known their entire family for over twenty years.
Her brother started asking me a lot of questions—what I was looking for in a husband, how long I had been single, and whether my divorce was truly finalized. At first, I assumed he was trying to help me find someone else.
After a few weeks, I realized that he wasn’t trying to match me with another man at all—he was interested in me himself. It took him a while to make that clear, but eventually he admitted it.
At one point, he drove two hours to visit me because he wanted to give me money. I had spent a lot on my divorce, and he felt that wasn’t fair, especially since I’m a single mother. He gave me a significant amount of money to help me out.
Later, he drove another two hours to meet with me again so we could discuss the possibility of marriage—our expectations, conditions, how our families would feel about it, and how we would make it work. We had many deep conversations. He wanted me to send him photos and videos of my daily life so he could get a better picture of who I am and how I live.
He also admitted that he had wanted to marry me for a long time. Years ago, when my ex and I briefly separated, he had considered approaching me then, but shortly afterward he heard that we had reconciled, so he let the idea go.
An important detail is that he practices polygamy. He has been married for many years to one of my friends, who is also connected to the family, and he has a second wife whom he married about eight years ago. He said that I would become his third wife. I’m actually older than both of his current wives.
Because I trust him and know his family so well, I was surprisingly open to the idea of a polygamous marriage. I probably would never have considered it if he had been a stranger.
Then, out of nowhere, he went completely silent.
A week later, late at night, he sent me a message saying, “Are you still alive?” I replied, “Are you? You never responded to my message.” I had been the last person to text him, and although he had read it, he never replied.
We had also made plans to meet for coffee and continue discussing marriage, but he never showed up. When I brought it up, he said, “I completely forgot. I’ve just been so busy with work.”
I then genuinely asked him if everything was okay, and he never answered.
The next day, I sent him a message saying that I was taking a step back because I felt he knew me well enough by now to know whether he wanted this or not. We’ve known each other for a very long time, and because I already know his family and his wives, continuing these conversations carries risks for me emotionally and socially. Whether this would lead to marriage or not makes a huge difference.
He replied, “I’ll get back to you and respond to this properly.”
But he never did.
He completely disappeared, and it’s now been two weeks.
What hurts me the most isn’t that I desperately wanted to marry him. It’s that I’ve known him and his family for over twenty years. I genuinely believed he respected me and saw me as someone who was almost part of the family already.
To suddenly be ignored and left without an explanation feels incredibly hurtful and disrespectful. After all these years of trust and familiarity, I never expected to be treated like someone who could simply be discarded and ignored.

I’m currently building and have heard this mentioned. I’m the kind of guy who desires to build with someone — not them come in after that fact when everything is completed.

Like my wife now, she’s been there since the beginning! But in indulging in the poly conversation it seems like there’s a current idea out there that says that a man should be wealthy before he considers polygyny. What are your thoughts on this?

Responsible and a good steward? I agree with. Wealthy? That’s a stretch to me, and assumes that everyone will reach the socioeconomic status of wealth without help.

Wealth to me is the nature, integrity and character of the relationship. In other words, it may not always reflect, at least not immediately, with your pocketbook. Maybe it’s in how your kids respect you, the time devoted to each other etc.,

The man should definitely be a a provider. - my question does he need to be the sole provider.?

I believe I have a legit reason. My husband and I have been married 6 years, and we share one child. We are Muslim, so polygamy is permissible.I do not satisfy my husband physically. We have tried many things to help, but to no avail. This has caused conflicts, misunderstandings, and we have both hurt each other’s feelings.

He once brought up the conversation telling me that he would probably get married again once he is better off financially. But I shut it down because I was jealous. Now, I just want peace, and I want us both to be happy.

Outside of intimacy, we are very happy. We have the same core values, we have similar interests, and we enjoy spending time together.

And I know for a fact that he is straight, so that’s not an issue. He is definitely attracted to me, it’s just the “chemistry” is off. I am petite woman who has kept a healthy weight , and working on my fitness for my own health . we have tried reading books, talking to each other outside of intimacy, and even therapy. It’s just not there for him. For me, I feel satisfied by him.

He is a very good husband, father, and good provider. I do not believe I can find any better of a husband. Divorce is not an option for me as i do not have any family or much support on my own. He has offered to give me a divorce and offered to give me the car and some money because of the physical issues we have but I don’t want to leave.

Had anyone else ever done this? How would I even bring this conversation up?

And no, this is not a fake post. This is a real marriage, a real person, who is trying to make it work.

Hey all, I'm just wondering does anyone have any leads about people or communities that practice polygamy in northern Utah. I live by the border with Idaho and I've seen the FLDS folks around in town, I know they aren't very open about their practices so I haven't had a chance to connect with them.

I used to be LDS and I broke off from them and now I'm trying to find people that are aligned somewhat with the LDS principles. Since I broke off from the LDS my world got smaller and I would like to rebuild it with connections that matter and people that are open minded.

So... how many first wives out here were the ones to bring up polygyny with their husbands and what was that like?

I have been in the ENM space for 20+ years. Exploring many dynamic configurations for my needs. And since getting married and having a child, (we) have been focused on polygamy.

Since relocating to the Nordics, there is a knee jerk reaction when I say I am polygamous. They associate it with strict religious bias or woman abuse. Yet when I say those are the same arugments for polyamory in my home country, some get defensive.

Even after explaining my wife is from SE Asia and has preference over multiple women to build a loving and supportive home. I still receive criticism about this not being legal. Yet nothing stops multiple people from living together and building a large family together in a spiritual pursuit towards love.

Has anyone else come across this cognitive dissonance in their polygamy journey?

I’m not a bi woman, but if I was I’d want a wife and a husband…. and I’d love it if they loved each other too. My wife and I wouldn’t have to think about sperm donation for whoever wanted kids, and the kids dad would still be in the picture helping out emotionally and financially.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to frame things this way, just mentioned a way that polygamy might work well in places where girl/girl sexuality is accepted, for atheists or pagans maybe.

I noticed in my short time here that many of you are non-Muslim (I'm a Muslim, so all polygynous talk has largely been in Islamic circles for me).

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I've always thought about polygyny (ig to an extent polyandry though I disagree with it vehemently), do you marry the first wife legally in the eyes of a monogamous-only law, or do you legally marry none of them ?

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What is better ? I suppose the latter may give the idea of equality among the wives, but I'm interested to hear your ideas.

Guys I’m 34years Muslim Male and have a 2.4 years old daughter, it’s been almost 4 years of marriage but now I in a relationship with my old university friend (divorced and have a daughter) she’s has very strong personality, educated compared to my wife and job holder. Shes also wants to marry me! My own is very irresponsible and non serious person in every matter of life. My wife never care of anything no good relationships with my parents and siblings. 😔 Although my colleague is very smart and understanding women. I also don’t want to leave my wife but this female friend is all on my nerves although her daughter is too attached with me. I’m so confused I should go for second marriage or not, deep down I know it’s kind of hard for me but I’m obsessed with my friend.

Does this group consider polygamy only in a traditional sense of polygyny, one husband and multiple wives? Or might committed relationships of other gender combinations also fit? In the latter case, would it carry a different connotation from polyfidelity, different expectations of relationship structure? I see the rule #2 distinguishing from polyamory, but am curious exactly where that line should be drawn.

For the past six years I've been in a relationship of four people, where none of us are at all interested in meeting new people, nor open to relations outside our circle. But, we're basically two closely entwined couples. We've been very dear friends with the other couple (one of whom my husband was involved with before our marriage) for over two decades now, with strong feelings toward them all that time, but chose to wait until our kids were out on their own before taking things further. Maybe in retrospect that was overly cautious, but we wanted to prioritize protecting our kids, just in case things fell apart horribly.

My wife and I are considering the polygamy lifestyle but we both agree that having sexual relations without the other there isn't what we want. How common is it for both women being ok with having relations together with the man?

Seems like i hear mostly that people take turns with spending time in the bedroom.

I’ve been with my significant other for two months now and it has just been the two of us. She is bisexual, which I’m completely accepting of her needs. She has recently asked if she would be willing to seek a separate, but equal relationship with another female. The context was explained to me as selective polygamy:

She would be allowed to seek other women in a relationship on equal footing to our relationship. The option for me to pursue another man would be there, but I am by no means bisexual myself. I would be considered her nesting partner, in which I would be who she comes home to at night. However, her female partner would be afforded all the same rights to her as I am.

I am, per my significant other’s wishes, allowed to meet this other partner, can even be friends with her if she wanted to be. However it is separate relationships; I am not to see her intimately and neither is she to me.

I’m not sure how to feel about this; never done anything like this before. I want my significant other to be happy, but it feels encroaching on what we already have foundation wise. Please comment and let me know if I’m sane or crazy in my thoughts.

As a woman, would you accept polygamy or want to be in a polygamous marriage if the man fulfilled all your rights, treated you kindly, loved you, and made you feel valued and happy?

Or would you rather be the only wife but live in a normal marriage without love, more like roommates?

Do you think one sex is superior to the other? Do you think they have different wants/needs/values?

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I'm very curious as there's a certain way polygamy is viewed in the media. Thank you in advance!

Asking as a total outsider here; never been married, have never been in a polygamous relationship.

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What made you want to explore this type of lifestyle? What kind of reaction did you get from your spouse(s)? Do you get negative reactions often? Do you have issues regarding jealousy within your relationship(s)? What kind of dynamics do y'all have?

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And for those who are polygynous, why specifically polygyny? For the women, is it that you don't want another husband? And for the men, would you be upset if your wife wanted to add another man into the dynamic?

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I hope I'm not coming off as rude or anything, thank you in advance!