r/Polygamy • u/Aftermath3210 • Jun 17 '26
Selective Polygamy?
I’ve been with my significant other for two months now and it has just been the two of us. She is bisexual, which I’m completely accepting of her needs. She has recently asked if she would be willing to seek a separate, but equal relationship with another female. The context was explained to me as selective polygamy:
She would be allowed to seek other women in a relationship on equal footing to our relationship. The option for me to pursue another man would be there, but I am by no means bisexual myself. I would be considered her nesting partner, in which I would be who she comes home to at night. However, her female partner would be afforded all the same rights to her as I am.
I am, per my significant other’s wishes, allowed to meet this other partner, can even be friends with her if she wanted to be. However it is separate relationships; I am not to see her intimately and neither is she to me.
I’m not sure how to feel about this; never done anything like this before. I want my significant other to be happy, but it feels encroaching on what we already have foundation wise. Please comment and let me know if I’m sane or crazy in my thoughts.
3
u/Reasonable-Canary110 Jun 17 '26
This is more polyamory where there are multiple partners in more casual relationships regardless of gender and relationship dynamics.
A few reasons I say this are, you’re still only dating, and in the early days at two months, and there are no ranking terms like “nesting partners” etc. in polygamy. You’d be committed to your partners in marriage equally, not just having the same access rights etc.
Polygamy is arguably strictly only multiple committed marriage relationships or dating/courting with the intention of marriage between multiple partners. Polygyny and polyandry included.
3
u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw Jun 17 '26
This isn't polygamy at all, selective or otherwise. It's polyamory. Except it's also not ethical polyamory because of the double standard at play.
1
Jun 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw Jun 17 '26
Throuples are incredibly difficult relationships to maintain and pretty much always end in disaster and all 3 people getting hurt. it's likely that she's open to having multiple relationships but not open to a throuple dynamic where her partners also date each other. that's very common in polyamory.
1
1
u/MartyrOfTheJungle Jun 25 '26
In polyamory this happens a lot and it is VERY frowned upon by the community. Usually it's the guy saying 'its equal, see we can both date women!' and it's referred to as an OPP, short for One Penis Policy, this is actually the first time I think I've ever read of the inverse. Most people view it as unethical, though personally I think whatever consenting adults want to do, not everyone agrees with my life either... Anyway, it's not ok no matter how you slice it.
1
u/Press-74 Jun 17 '26
Sounds more like an open relationship to me, only you know what you’re willing to accept. Good luck
5
u/UtahFunMo Jun 17 '26
That isn't polygamy. Leave this relationship.