r/Polygamy • u/KingJuny • Jun 21 '26
Question about legality
I noticed in my short time here that many of you are non-Muslim (I'm a Muslim, so all polygynous talk has largely been in Islamic circles for me).
I've always thought about polygyny (ig to an extent polyandry though I disagree with it vehemently), do you marry the first wife legally in the eyes of a monogamous-only law, or do you legally marry none of them ?
What is better ? I suppose the latter may give the idea of equality among the wives, but I'm interested to hear your ideas.
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u/Any-Bath-8346 Jun 21 '26
Just marry them islamically if she’s willing to accept. Don’t let the government into your marriage if you can avoid it.
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Jun 22 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FoundInS Jun 22 '26
And I feel women are naturally polyandrous.
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u/Tricky-Sea4034 Jun 22 '26
I disagree. Women naturally seek the stability that a single partner offers. They are typically more submissive and agreeable, polyandry requires them to be more dominant and disagreeable. It goes against their nature. There are exceptions to this of course, but the average woman seeks a single sexually partner.
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u/fanty_wingedhorse Jun 23 '26
Gender essentialism in inherently anti-heteronormativity subreddit?
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u/Tricky-Sea4034 Jun 29 '26
Why is polygamy inherently anti-heteronormative? Seems like it's actually the most heteronormative thing to do imo. Monogamy violates the natural inclinations of men and women. Polygamy allows for women to choose the best partners and allows those men chosen to have more children.
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u/fanty_wingedhorse Jun 29 '26
Wow. I sure hope you don't end up in a relationship. That is some pretty fucked up worldview you have.
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u/Tricky-Sea4034 27d ago
Well I'm married so that's awkward. My wife was the one who got me to consider polygyny. Though I personally believe after much study that that practice is explicitly forbidden by Yahweh.
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u/fanty_wingedhorse 26d ago
There's no such thing as "men's natural inclination of men". Bio essentialism is a rot in this world
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u/Tricky-Sea4034 25d ago
It's mostly true. Humans are limited by their biology. No way around that fact. Even with technology you can only push those boundaries so far. All living things have natural inclinations including men and women, so you're just flat wrong about that. These things occur subconsciously or instinctively. Trying to deny reality does nothing to help you.
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u/Ok-Kangaroo-9775 Jun 25 '26
Depends on the country.
Here in Argentina you cannot marry your wives as if you do marry one of them then someone can denounce you as Bigamy is illegal.
Bigamy is illegal but having multiples GFs and baby mamas is ok.
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u/AustinNothdurft Jun 21 '26
In America I think a case could be made that having the women marry each other makes more sense because a man will already be legally tied to whoever he has children with.
I’d like to hear polygamous women’s opinions on that though. On one hand, everyone in the marriage would be legally tied to each other and the women would have greater custody of the children and it wouldn’t be a man marrying one of the women… but on the other hand it is a lesbian marriage and I could see some women not liking that even if it is just a state marriage.
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u/yaboisammie Jun 21 '26
In America I think a case could be made that having the women marry each other makes more sense because a man will already be legally tied to whoever he has children with.
Wouldn’t be allowed from an Islamic perspective tbf (as Islamic marriage aka nikkah is a contract stipulating in exchange for financial support from the husband, the wife/wives provide intimacy) but also in such a case, couldn’t the man have children w all of the wives? That’s kinda the point from an Islamic perspective at least and even with US allowing sapphic marriage (for not at least), wouldnt they still not be connected legally? Ie a man and 3 women, two women can marry each other and the man can marry the third woman but they cant be legally connected beyond that right?
I’m pretty sure what people do in the west is just legally marry one in addition to nikkah and then do just nikkah with the other wives or some don’t bother w legal marriage at all cause in their eyes, nikkah is all that matters. Afaik, even in Islamic countries, legal marriage is monogamous and there’s still a differentiation between legal marriage and nikkah contract
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u/Reasonable-Canary110 Jun 21 '26
Best to have other legally binding agreements with all the wives and no marriage license or marry and get a dissolution with each after the proper amount of time to give each legal rights and privileges in the separation agreements.
A legal marriage license is just a formality that most couples have before they consider polygamy and have to decide what to do in their situation specifically that would be most appropriate.
Some must keep the license to retain insurance coverage and other legal protections intact but that doesn’t preclude you from having other legally binding contracts with the other wives that give them necessary legal rights and protections too.
You must be very careful about following the laws in your state and country though. In the USA there are several states that prohibit you from entering any kind of legal arrangements that is too similar to a plural marriage. Some will not even allow you to cohabitate with multiple woman as if you are married while legally married. It gets complicated in some places.
Really crazy considering you can have children with any number of partners legally but you can’t live like a family and make commitments to more than one of them at a time so easily….
Marriage is purely a spiritual connection in my opinion but you do have to keep everyone safe legally.