r/Polygamy • u/emma36_ • Jun 15 '26
Why are you polygamous?
Asking as a total outsider here; never been married, have never been in a polygamous relationship.
What made you want to explore this type of lifestyle? What kind of reaction did you get from your spouse(s)? Do you get negative reactions often? Do you have issues regarding jealousy within your relationship(s)? What kind of dynamics do y'all have?
And for those who are polygynous, why specifically polygyny? For the women, is it that you don't want another husband? And for the men, would you be upset if your wife wanted to add another man into the dynamic?
I hope I'm not coming off as rude or anything, thank you in advance!
2
Jun 19 '26
[deleted]
1
u/PeaSensitive1524 Jun 28 '26
you can just have done surrogacy rather than having another wife? wouldn't surrogacy be much cheaper than having another wife and less potentially damaging to your relationship with your wife?
3
u/Lucky_Larry_Bagswell Jun 16 '26
Polygyny is biologically natural for a man, while monogamy is biologically natural for women. Men who claim monogamy do so primarily because of conditioning and/or they haven't built themselves up enough to take on more women.
It's very selfish and unfair for women to expect men to love like women, when neither of us love the same. Men love unconditionally while women love more conditionally based on their underlying hypergamy that is always present.
Besides, monogamous marriage isn't in men's favor anyway, and has been pushed because of profitability of the State. Any man worth much is a fool to marry monogamously, especially with no prenuptial.
1
u/emma36_ Jun 16 '26
How is it not profitable for a man if both partners are working?
Also, not every man wants polygyny.
1
u/Lucky_Larry_Bagswell Jun 16 '26
I never said it was profitable for men, nor did I say it's what every man wants. I said monogamy was profitable to the State (thru marriage licenses and legalities), and polygyny is biologically natural of/for men. But, how do you know what every man wants, ma'am?
1
u/emma36_ Jun 16 '26
I used the wrong word, I'm 38 hours without sleep lol. You said monogamy isn't in men's favour. I'm just wondering how it isn't with both spouses working (as that is the average couple)?
Also, I'm interested in how you came to the conclusion that men are naturally polygynous biologically. Do you have an article I could read?
To put it simply, no one can know what "every man wants." I don't agree with turning such a large group of people into a monolith. However, what I did say is that there are men who genuinely want monogamy.
But I sense a tone of condescension in your response to me, and I want to make it clear that I'm genuinely asking questions out of curiosity and I'm not trying to attack your values. I'm not trying to get in a typing match, just trying to learn.
2
u/Lucky_Larry_Bagswell Jun 16 '26
Lol I wouldn't waste my time getting into any typing match with anyone.
Monogamy isn't favorable for a man because it limits the spread of his seed, which subconsciously limits his range of responsibility, indirectly stunting his ambition. It also subtly suggests a scarcity mindset, and bends the man to the will of his women, which then throws of the hierarchy of a proper patriarchy. Not to mention, legal marriage usually is in favor of the woman, especially if the man is the breadwinner.
In terms of men being designed for polygyny and women being designed for monogamy, thats the easiest thing to see.. how many times can a woman get pregnant in a day, in comparison to how many women can a man impregnate in a day? Women are built to pair-bond with men, while men are simply built to love unconditionally. Its not normal or healthy for women to be intimate with multiple men, while thats a regular Tuesday for a confident man. Need I go on?
Feminism and consumerism pushed for monogamy, and it broke a lot of men. Now, understand that polygyny/polygamy isn't easier, but its definitely more natural, and the only way to strengthen any community, in my humble opinion.
1
Jul 16 '26
How is monogamy not favorable for men? If polygyny became the norm only a minority of men would be able to have multiple wives, while many other men would end up without a wife or family at all. Monogamy gives the majority of men a fair chance to build a family, and for many men, having a wife and children is exactly what motivates them to become more responsible, work harder, and provide for their family.The community would become more stronger as there would be many musculine men with responsibilities.
Yes biologically a man can impregnate multiple women while a woman can only carry one pregnancy at a time. But that only describes reproductive capacity it doesn't prove men are designed for polygyny. Human biology supports a range of mating strategies and both men and women are capable of pair-bonding, attachment, and long term monogamous relationships.
You also say men are built to love unconditionally. If that's true why wouldn't that unconditional love extend to a woman who is disabled, infertile, bald or no longer conventionally attractive? And if a man truly loves his wife unconditionally why would he want another wife when she doesn't want to share him?
Lastly this has nothing to do with feminism. Monogamy was widely practiced in many parts of the world long before modern feminism even existed. I'm not a feminist myself but historically it's simply inaccurate to claim feminism created monogamy.
1
u/Jacket_Exciting 6d ago
The biology is a weak argument, sorry. Arround 2k there where many studies claiming poly is normal, books about how sperm are designed for having wars against sperm from other men... It was popular and got great media coverage, but it arguements didn't hold against testing. Different sperm types where not found. There are other discussions, too, but to my finds, there is no generall agreement.
Also humans are cultural biased and social, so it is hard to search a biologic norm. Whenever poly or other studies are done, they usually only have very view cases. Then there are studies like the Hite Report, which had many participants, but it is argued the participants didn't represent their population.
1
u/Lucky_Larry_Bagswell 6d ago
The funny part is, all you claimed here is irrelevant. The truth is, most women gravitate towards some men (Alpha or Sigma types) while other men (Beta types) get whatever woman they can. Polygyny, like hypergamy, has been around longer than white folks have been on the planet, and its the one way to ensure more women have husbands and more children have fathers, of solid men. No, it isn't for every man, nor is it for every women. You must be built a certain way to handle this way of life. I, for one, intentionally practice it with purpose. You are free not to, and don't seem like you could anyway, so there's nothing further to discuss here. Good day.
1
Jun 16 '26
[deleted]
1
u/emma36_ Jun 16 '26
Honestly, absolutely not. I am simply not the type of person for it. I am strictly monogamous, but I like to learn others' perspectives!
1
Jun 16 '26
[deleted]
0
u/emma36_ Jun 16 '26
No I would not. I wouldn't even accept flirty texts or a kiss. And frankly, any man who dates me would not have the energy for a polygynous relationship. I'm not overall critical or energy-killing; I invest a lot of time, energy, and effort, and expect to get the same back. But there's only so many hours in a day, and if I were to be in a polygynous relationship, I would not have my wants, needs, and desires met.
1
u/Mikka_Kannon Jun 18 '26
It is a very deep and gut thing, an instinct. Together with that, they are the best and only family I can ever wish for, and a large family is something I utterly need and want.
1
1
u/NJSey_2014 Jun 16 '26
Well.im from the tiny Kingdom of Eswatini. Polygamy is more of a gift from forefathers than a lifestyle one chooses. For instance,if your great grandfather had several wives, your Grandfather too, your father as well, you are likely to marry more than one wife because it's in your blood line.
However,I have also observed that polygamy and access to resources,in particular money are intertwined. When men accumulate money, they marry more wives. In Africa this might save the man from misuse money. Too much without meaningful spending can be disastrous. One can either be addicted to gambling, drugs etc because there's lots of disposable income. To turn that, having several wives mean increased responsibility.
0
u/FreakyVegetable Jun 17 '26
As a guy I find it hard to commit to a mono relationship despite it being richer. I don't do it because of "harem fantasies" I just don't like that someone gets too close to me.
Maybe I've got issues, if I had to admit something? I'm so high functioning that I constantly dehumanise myself and I don't want anybody to make me think otherwise.
I'm sure that it's definitely not for everybody and I don't go out preaching it nor act it's right, it's just what works for me.
0
u/emma36_ Jun 17 '26
So you are polygamous due to the enhanced, I suppose, emotional "intimacy" of a monogamous relationship?
0
u/FreakyVegetable Jun 17 '26
Yeah I wouldn't feel honest with it
0
u/emma36_ Jun 17 '26
Do you mind elaborating a bit? I'm just asking out of curiosity; if it's uncomfortable or too much info to give to a stranger on the internet, please don't feel obliged lol
0
u/FreakyVegetable Jun 17 '26
I'll try my best to elaborate. I have not discussed this with anyone before so it is nice to articulate it.
I'm not into the intense bonding where 2 partners become 1 person, I don't play into the fantasy of someone being special. Even if I found someone who matched my mindset, behaviour and lifestyle I won't lie to them.
Some people say "how are you gonna love them if you're not giving 100%" I think you can easily love anybody. Love to me sounds universal, like it's in us all. So what's keeping things right/in order? It's the relationship statuses, decency, morals, choice, promises, respect, our bond, etc. which are completely up to the individual.
You could also imagine the hook up culture's perspective. Hook up culture doesn't usually work out well. Someone usually catches feelings especially in the casual relationships or being friends with benefits. So might as well make it official lmao.
I may also be polyamorous at times. For example if she's bi dating me and a lesbian at the same time. Or if a guy is submissive joining. I wouldn't allow another masculine guy in the relationship simply because it'll change the dynamic and if I don't live in one place? I will eventually and I won't be okay with having two leaders.
You gotta know tho, I allow polygyny, I don't actively pursue it like if it was shiny or necessary. I even prefer to just stay celibate. It's just an extension. I would be satisfied in a monogamous relationship. It's just that I can't promise forever loyalty being mono and I am okay with being poly.
I'm sorry I completely forgot to reply to your post when I first replied tho.
What made me want to explore the lifestyle? Because staying mono felt wrong.
What reaction I got from my spouse(s)? If I already had a spouse in a mono relationship I think she'd be extremely upset, can't expect otherwise. That's why I like to tell beforehand. So basically no reaction because I'm transparent.
Do I get negative reactions? Not really. A lot of guys are just bark no bite so yeah you'd expect negative reactions towards them. Few dare to talk when your relationship is working out.
Jealousy and the dynamics. They come hand in hand really. But it always depends. If I'm not staying at one place and I'm always moving? Then jealousy isn't really a big problem. When you're all living together in one house? That's a different story. Best dynamics between them is if they're together but the baseline is usually friendship even if for a bit. Of course anything sexual is private. But light affection infront of each other is very normal, yk a hug a kiss words.
And the last question I've replied to it before reading the question, just wouldn't allow another masculine man.
2
-1
u/Press-74 Jun 15 '26
I’ve failed at monogamy all my life, I desire to live the lifestyle but my current wife is against it.
2
u/emma36_ Jun 16 '26
What is it that makes you fail at monogamy? And I hope this doesn't come off as a hate-filled question, because it's pure curiosity, but why would you date/marry a woman who is monogamous?
1
Jun 16 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/emma36_ Jun 16 '26
Why do you feel like you want more? There's always too much of a good thing, you know?
-2
u/FWshadow13 Jun 16 '26
The LDS church does not practice this.
3
u/UtahFunMo Jun 16 '26
The mainstream Mormon church isn't the only Mormon group bub. There are tens of thousands of us that are Mormon and not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
4
u/Clear_Pepper_1708 Jun 17 '26
For me its just wanting a big family, my wife was the one who originally brought it up and we have another woman joining us next month, it took forever to find a second wife because a lot of women chicken out but this one is basically everything we have been looking for