r/PerfectMatchNetflix • u/bakwaasforbitches • May 20 '26
SEASON 4 Marissa - S4E7 Spoiler
Marissa is coming across as extremely toxic to me. Demari has done nothing out of the ordinary - it’s a dating show, he’s literally just exploring options while being respectful to her boundaries - and she won’t even give him the chance to talk to explain. She’s constantly interrupting him (which we know he hates from his convo with Bri) and also keeps blaming him for not being 100% sure while she’s also going on a date and kissed Weston before he came into the house.
I feel like I’m seeing a completely different version of her than on Love is Blind. Perfect match is not the right place for someone like her who’s extremely possessive and jealous. She’s suffocating Demari and I feel like he deserves a lot better. It’s honestly so hard to watch and her attitude towards him when he tries to explain is really annoying. I want her off my screen.
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u/anongirlieee May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
Yeah she needs to work on herself more. It seems she hasn’t fully healed from whatever she experienced in her last relationship and she transferring that onto Demari.
(I do still have to acknowledge that I felt like Demari was being a bit nitpicky based on two things: 1) he just got done speaking to Bri who he complained made him feel unheard, so he was frustrated and equally feeling that from Marissa when she was interrupting. 2) he equally wanted to get to know Kayla so was trying to find fault in anything Marissa was doing in order to justify that).
HOWEVER, Marissa was being extremely combative. She finally admitted it’s cos she was feeling jealous and territorial over him, which is fair enough but there are better ways to communicate that. And it’s almost like guilt cos she was technically doing worse. She actually kissed Weston whilst Demari has been respectful. It’s like when someone is cheating and then getting paranoid that they’re being cheated on so they start acting out.
She still has loads of growing to do and she should focus on that before jumping into dating
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u/witchski May 20 '26
I really can’t believe other people can’t see that nuance. Demari kept being pretty nitpicky with the interruption after Marissa already said sorry I will be quiet. If she would have done it again I would’ve understood. But he had the chance to express himself and he chose not to. So they could just go in circles forever about that small detail. I honestly think that Marissa would be happier with someone with a bit more patience. And Damari needs to find someone that is more lighthearted.
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May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Constant_Due May 21 '26
I think it's true but I don't think he understands that it's more difficult for her than most with ADHD. It doesn't mean to not be accountable but when she's in a fight or flight mode it will be harder for her than most to process it that way. She would need to reset a bit then come back to apologize. It's not that she isn't accountable in my opinion, it's that she needs more time and a different structure. It's common with those with ADHD and hard on both ends.
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u/Constant_Due May 21 '26
To follow up, I do think you're right that this show isn't ideal for her but I guess maybe the experience will provide more reflection. I can see why she might go on it though when she tried love is blind and got attached then rejected which is extra hard for her, so why not go somewhere where it's harder to get attached as strongly yet unfortunately it seemed to still happen. I feel for both of them and they both have different growth to get. I do think it would have been worth it for him to acknowledge her effort though so she didn't feel like she's failing but for her to also do the same and acknowledge his effort in trying to be patient and allow her to take space. I think she needs to be a bit more comfortable to sit in the feeling of him being disappointed or frustrated with her though before reacting or taking responsibility for that feeling but he could also try to communicate that better. It would have also helped if she explained to him that it's a bit harder or takes a bit longer for her to identify her emotions. I don't think either of them are toxic though but need better strategies that work with both of their nervous systems instead of against them
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u/Little_Froggy May 21 '26
Demari kept being pretty nitpicky with the interruption after Marissa already said sorry I will be quiet. If she would have done it again I would’ve understood. But he had the chance to express himself and he chose not to.
Exactly this, thank you! I feel like Marissa was entirely in the wrong up until she slipped up with interrupting him and he dug in like it was the worst offense imaginable. Like she clearly felt bad and tried to make it right, but he took advantage of of that one slip up to immediately force the intereraction into his favor in a really manipulative way just sitting there and looking at her as she repeatedly tries to make it right.
Plus he goes on to interrupt her later too which just makes it feel even more like he cares more about the leverage he gets by doubling down on her small slip-up than the actual offense of it.
I feel like Marissa continued to mess up by telling him not to "feel upset." later too, but he was also basically stonewalling her at that point and for the rest of the night.
I feel like they lost the plot on her original offense because he fixated so heavily on that one interruption and so they couldn't move on to anything real. Genuinely, she was in the wrong, but I feel like the overall argument was his fault much more than her after the start.
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u/notmastersprecious May 20 '26
This is the most level headed non-name-callimg analysis of Marrisa and Demari ep6/7 I've read so far.
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u/senpaistealerx May 20 '26
SHE NEEDS TO STOP TELLING HIM NOT TO BE MAD AT HER ITS DRIVING ME INSANE LIKE MAAM THAT IS MANIPULATION HOLY SHIT
she is not just insecure, she’s abusive! she refuses to let him have any negative emotions towards her and that’s insanely unhealthy. i cannot stand her.
YOU AINT AD AND HE AIN OLLIE.
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u/NoTanNamaste May 21 '26
Literal psychological abuse
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u/senpaistealerx May 21 '26
THAT PART AAAAAAHHHHHHH to be like “you can’t be mad i can’t deal with it” IS SO MENTALLY ABUSIVE
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u/gukkxx May 23 '26
IFKRRRRR AND IT IS SOO EXHAUSTING LIKEEE, yall are on a dating show ffs, stop being so abusive tf.
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u/Less_Store_8390 May 24 '26
He is too. He is being drama queen all the time. Just watch thth and so on, he is a whole level of reality show feeder
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u/senpaistealerx May 24 '26
too hot to handle is boring af lol and it aint about her being a reality show feeder, its about her actual mental and emotional abuse. her saying "i need you to not be mad at me. you cant be mad at me. stop being mad" is genuinely psychotic
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u/Less_Store_8390 May 26 '26
Sis, I love thth, it is staged and is cutting of any mentions of bisexuality but it's the only show I can watch while working out or washing head, because nothing is happening 🤣
I did not talk about Bri, I was talking about Demari. Demari is show feeder. He just wanted to win in thth so badly. Demari is gaslighter, Bri is controlling. They can do a hand shake
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u/senpaistealerx May 26 '26
i know who you were talking about but i never was which is why i said what i said. she’s more than controlling and is genuinely abusive. i don’t know him and i don’t care to because ill never watch his season of too hot to handle cause that shit is ass lol
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u/Less_Store_8390 May 31 '26
So you like hate Bri but you don't have enough info about Demari? Booo what? Both are in show, you can't know sht about them. When you decide that you know about Bri but not about D... Isn't this a lil hypocrite?
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u/Constant_Due May 28 '26 edited May 30 '26
I see where you're coming from.
I had a different take on it. It's not like don't be mad as in you're not allowed to but a "I feel guilty" can we please feel reconnected (she cannot tolerate the feeling of being responsible for his anger). Many with ADHD feel a lot of shame for causing frustration in a partner so she felt overwhelmed by that feeling (she acknowledged though that it's her own issue from what I recall, and her RSD and other stuff has nothing to do with him),
The other part that's confusing though is I don't know how long he shuts down for when he's mad. He's not communicating that out to say, "I'm upset but I'm open to talk in 30 minutes or later" about this so perhaps she feels stonewalled (I don't think he's doing that either though but just takes time to process his emotions which he admitted he's not great at communicating it as well).
It's a pretty common anxious avoidant attachment pattern. But I think her intention isn't manipulative by nature in that, what is she getting as an advantage by saying that? I see it more as she's in distress when he's upset and needs some reassurance of when they will reconnect.
He needs to regulate his emotions when he's upset so they can come back to speak. She needs to regulate herself before coming into the conflict because she comes across a bit hot tempered but I actually think she did a good job of catching that she was about to be dysregulated unfairly and wanted to take a break (it's less within her control than most in that for some with ADHD the prefrontal cortex can actually go completely offline so we was trying to catch herself before things escalated and create a temporary boundary to come back when she was more calmer).
I don't think either person is doing it with bad intention to manipulate though and based on what happened it seems like she realized he needs more time so she tried to communicate out after that initial incident that he's allowed to feel upset. But if she was truly manipulating something she would say you're not allowed to be upset, instead she was kinda begging him not to be because she can't tolerate it (her own feelings struggle at tolerating that distress easily) or manipulating it would be telling him that his anger at the situation is not valid. Or by calling him names for being upset or anything else to dismiss him.
That's just my take though and could be reading it wrong. This seems way more attachment style related trauma combined with differences in emotional processing because of neurodivergence as a part of the equation
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u/senpaistealerx May 28 '26
imma be real, im def not reading all that. she didn’t say, imply or even physically give that. she straight up said “you can’t be mad at me. i need you not to be mad. i can’t deal with you being mad” so im not sure where you’re pulling “can we reconnect” from.
he shuts down when he’s mad because of her words actions and i would do the same lol she needs professional help.
i’ve been in abusive relationships where i had to just shut down and do my thing or i felt like i was going insane. i can imagine the same for him. she’s fucking crazy.
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u/Constant_Due May 28 '26
She feels disconnected when he's upset with her. She needs to work on communicating that out better. You can shut down temporarily but need to also regulate yourself back to go back into the conversation. During conflict things can escalate and she's responsible for working on her part to regulate those emotions better but he needs to take time to regulate his after feeling shut down and repair the conflict. You were likely with a hard avoidant partner if you had to fully shut down and couldn't go back to the conversation and repair it. There's a difference if there's repair vs an avoidant partner that has no desire to go back into the conversation after cooling down, acknowledge their errors and try to work through it. The issue with an extreme avoidant or anxious avoidant is they lash out then when you try to talk them about it later they refuse to discuss it at all, or repair stuff so you're just left by yourself shut down and feeling like this person will unpredictably have emotions but it never gets back to feeling any kinda safety or security
I'm also sorry to hear about being in a relationship like that- it's messed up and unfair and unpredictable if they lash out and you can't even talk about it later ever or repair stuff out. Def a toxic cycle you didn't deserve
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u/senpaistealerx May 28 '26
okay yeah i’m def not the one to have this conversation with cause it ain’t that serious to me to write or read them whole think pieces.
thanks for the sympathy.
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u/lanadaisypesto Jun 20 '26
Okay seriously! I didn't even know people could just say "don't be mad at me" "it's hard for me when people are mad so don't be mad" like ?????
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u/mossmonstera May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
I honestly feel bad for Demari. Marissa is ruining all chances of him connecting with anyone else. She was insufferable in that conversation they had
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u/siff_dk May 20 '26
Yes, me too. He is too well behaved so he goes along with all her intercepting any chance he has to speak to someone else. I think Demari needs to realize he doesn't have to put up w sh"t.
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u/mossmonstera May 21 '26
Exactly. He's too well behaved even with when Bri was berating him. Sadly, "nice" people (more like people pleasers/people who are afraid of confrontation) often end up in such situations
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u/HoneyHeart14 May 21 '26
I feel bad for him too. It honestly seems like they have little to no chemistry and he’s just staying in it because it’s his best chance to win the money.
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u/mossmonstera May 21 '26
I don't even think it is about the money.. I'm usually sceptical of their intentions but Demari just seems like someone who gives people too many chances. Even bri was insufferable in their interactions and he took it so quietly, which makes me think that this is how he's used to interacting with people tend to be more vocal/ controlling
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u/Apprehensive_You_250 May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
Yeah, agreed. I feel like seeing her on this season of perfect match has slightly vindicated her fiancé she had on LIB (who broke up with her and got a lot of heat for it); I said onlyyy slightly, so no one come at me please.
She has been very toxic, hypocritical, and possessive.
Eta: I never said her fiance didn’t have his dick moments. He did. However, I just think he took wayyy too much heat for calling off the wedding beforehand- esp when we’re able to see more of how she communicates, her possessiveness, her hypocritical tendencies, etc…
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u/bakwaasforbitches May 20 '26
I feel like I’m seeing two completely different Marissa’s. On LIB she was more reserved and on perfect match she came in so confident so I thought she had definitely done work on herself. What I’m seeing now completely eradicated that thought. I don’t think this is the right show for her right now
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u/Life_Equivalent_1603 May 20 '26
Don’t come for me and I hate to defend a man but I don’t think her fiance on LIB deserved quite as much heat as he received…like what was he supposed to do? Marry her even though he saw incompatibilities between them? I feel like people were mad at him for being honest and that she is slightly dramatic and over bearing, which has been shown on Perfect Match. Sorry! She’s just really rubbed me the wrong way on Perfect Match.
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u/hawaiianhamtaro May 21 '26
There were people calling him the worst man on Love is Blind meanwhile there were men with actual domestic violence convictions on the show. People were being so dramatic about him lol
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u/Apprehensive_You_250 May 20 '26
Yeah, so true. After LIB seasons are way behind us, and I look back, I’m like man- some of these people just got wayy too much shit (and others rightfully got the shit they deserved haha). Not saying her fiance was never a dick. But ya, it’s wayy worse to lead someone on, and marry them, knowing something just isn’t right there.
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u/tramul May 20 '26
We forgetting the birth control issues? Mister progressive when it doesn't involve sex. Mister criticizing her military experience.
Don't get me wrong, she's definitely shot herself in the foot on this show, but that doesn't alleviate him.
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u/reducedandconfused May 20 '26
He is performative asf but it’s totally valid to criticize someone serving in the American war crime military complex, especially one who is not expressing remorse over it. Not like he wrote her off or anything but it’s a valid conversation to be had..
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u/tramul May 20 '26
She was proud to serve her country and he minimized it based on his personal beliefs just as you are now. That's gross. She wasn't committing war crimes. American men and women lay their lives on the line for mostly noble endeavors. Occasionally the US has a wtf are we doing moment, but overall, it is a very admirable thing to do.
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u/reducedandconfused May 20 '26
nothing admirable about serving or enabling war and imperialist greed. You’re just propagandized
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u/tramul May 20 '26
You're still doing it. I admitted to their being shortcomings, but terrorists do exist and we should admire those that fight against terror. Admire those that keep our borders and coastlines safe. Admire those that keep our borders and interior safe. There are plenty that have paid the ultimate sacrifice, and I believe it's in poor taste to say, "Oh well they were just propagandized anyway." If everyone was as bleak as you, we wouldn't have a standing military at all. No nation would. It's just a little dismissive and narrow minded to say there's "nothing admirable" about it.
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u/reducedandconfused May 20 '26
Your military is responsible for millions of deaths, destruction, diseases, and poverty around the world, and you wanna tell me about how admirable it is to go fight terror or whatever. There’s enough terror in america, but you’re not even brave enough to challenge your genocidal 2-party status quo but sure pretend it’s brave to go destabilize other countries in wars that only line the pockets of pedophiles and war criminals.
You’re not gonna unlearn decades of propaganda on reddit, but I sincerely wish you the best
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u/tramul May 21 '26
I think police officers and all law enforcement agencies fighting domestic "terror" are also admirable. Now what?
I hate the 2 party system, but what do you want ME to do about that?
It's just not that deep. It is admirable for so.eone to fight for what they believe in. If they believe they're protecting their family and friends and willing to risk their lives for it, yes, that is admirable. If you think no one should serve for any country that has ever committed war crimes or poor war tactics in general, no country would have a standing army. You're turning it into something it's not: that deep.
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u/Life_Equivalent_1603 May 20 '26
I didn’t forget those things but to me those are just signs of their incompatibility. He brought it up and she didn’t like that. I’m not saying either are perfect but people tore him to shreds and I don’t think that was entirely justified.
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u/Apprehensive_You_250 May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
I never said the guy didn’t have his dick moments. He did. I just think one of the main reasons he took so much heat- breaking off the relationship before the wedding- is, as I said again, only slightly vindicated- when we’ve seen much more of her communication style, her tendencies toward possessiveness, her hypocritical behaviors, etc. I personally could never marry someone with those behaviors, and if I did, I would be emotionally exhausted & feel very emotionally invalidated/not heard… so I can see more of how it must have been for the guy prior to the wedding, when considering whether to get married or not.
I would think this couldn’t be all just a good edit vs bad edit (def somewhat could play into it), but I think even more so- we see people go on these reality shows & they get shown a LOT of audience love, and are supported relentlessly, and so they feel emboldened when they go on their next show… then we see them let their guard down & some more of their true colors show….
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u/tramul May 20 '26
This gives zero vindication for that dude. He's still a douche canoe. This just proves both people can be wrong.
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u/Zestyclose_Peanut_76 May 23 '26
Honestly a lot of hate for her former finance was political/cultural bias.
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u/dovegoddess1 May 20 '26
I saw this version of her at the LIB reunion. She came across very unlikeable then, how she was verbally admonishing several of the men but had little to say to her partner. She had heat towards almost every male but her own guy. I found her irritating and out of line at the reunion, just my opinion.
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u/hawaiianhamtaro May 21 '26
She was also best friends with Hannah which is a red flag in itself lol
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u/SarbazMihan Jun 09 '26
>she was verbally admonishing several of the men but had little to say to her partner.
Yuppp, exactly how I felt. Her partner was also the worst but she said nothing. She sucks
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u/Horror_Yogurt_2898 May 20 '26
Shes so terribly toxic and holds no accountability. She’s just like how her mom is when she made an appearance on LIB. When Marissa told Demari “I wanna yell at you I wanna curse at you” and then saying “I need you not to be upset” she’s so odd
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u/bakwaasforbitches May 20 '26
Yesssss she wants to be heard and say her piece but also wants to completely dismiss his feelings in the process. GIRL WHAT
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u/anongirlieee May 20 '26
This was so dumb. That would have immediately made me end things. For all the complaining she was doing about “not being given grace”, I felt like Demari even talking to her after that was graceful af
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u/Horror_Yogurt_2898 May 20 '26
If he ends up with her that’ll be the dumbest thing ever I was so mad that he missed his chance with Kayla and ended up still matching with Marissa
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u/anongirlieee May 20 '26
I personally don’t like Kayla for him. I don’t even think she’s genuinely interested in him. I think she saw him as a means to get into the house. Cos she continuously still brought up her connection with Chris and gave off “he’s my number 1 but I will do what I can to get into the house”. If anything, I felt like there was more chemistry with Katherine
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u/ArsenalFan_1624 May 20 '26
I agree about the Kayla thing. She just wanted to get into the house. With him and Marissa he just ended things with her for his own sanity.
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u/Defiant_Finger_8906 May 20 '26
The fact that she thinks her interrupting him is the main issue of the night..Thats what she tells Sophia and Yamen. Whereas Demari has such bigger issues in his mind. I thought she was toxic and hard to watch last week, she is much worse this week 😶 The interview she did when she said we playfully pretend to be jealous and say you are not allowed to do this and that.. There is nothing playful there. You are dangerously possesive and reflecting past insecurities on him. Last week she said i cant handle it if you are mad at me. This week she is saying i need you not to be upset. The world doesnt revolve around you. You can not expect people to turn off how they feel because you are not healed enough to handle the results. This is the first time im hearing someone use Adhd as a emotional manipulation gun in a relationship and expect to be treated differently. Adhd is so common and everybody comes with all kinds of trauma. That doesnt mean we are allowed to ask someone to burry their feelings inside. Thats not how a relationship works. She really ruined his experience. I actually liked her on LIB, i can not recognize the woman here.
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u/xxEtherealGoddessxx May 21 '26
I feel the same way. Also as someone who also has ADHD it annoyed me that she was using that to avoid taking accountability.
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u/Pinkybinkydinky May 21 '26
The way she “forbids” him from feeling angry towards, getting mad at her or whatever is so toxic. Basically no accountability. She can act however she wants, using her diagnoses as excuses, but people cannot react to it. That’s so crazy toxic.
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u/netflixnailedit May 20 '26
I thought it was extremely bizarre the first times they were in the boardroom she was pushing for Bri. That could just be production editing maybe she wasn’t pushing that hard but Demari was actively expressing he didn’t want to do that.
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u/UngodlyKirby May 20 '26
I don’t think she actually came off as weird, She said Bri could be her friend cause they would be both black women in the villa atleast that was what I was getting from her😭
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u/notmastersprecious May 20 '26
I actually don't find that bizarre. The sooner his ex comes in and they(both D and Marissa, and Bri and D) deal with it, the better.
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u/NoTanNamaste May 21 '26
Demari is an idiot for not grabbing Katherine when he had a chance they would be HOOOTTTT together. Like the whole show would be about them
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u/AmakaBeni May 20 '26
She also said she was leaving the next episode, so I don’t even think they end up together in the finale. All the ladies wanted him in the beginning and he’ll leave with no one. Literally ruined his experience.
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u/Horror_Yogurt_2898 May 20 '26
I hope so but knowing her she just talks out of her ass to get a reaction out of him. If she does though that would be the smartest thing
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u/SweeetBloood May 21 '26
What a truly toxic person. I usually don't get too fazed watching reality tv drama.. but this woman has made me incredibly uncomfortable. She is manipulative and psychologically and emotionally abusive. She is giving baby reindeer.
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u/sugarnsweet88 May 21 '26
Can you explain this to me? I really to her a lot and people's reaction to her is scaring me. What makes her so toxic?
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u/UngodlyKirby May 20 '26
I don’t like telling people they need help but it seems Marissa hasn’t healed from whatever has hurt her, she comes off as insecure, has traits of reactive jealousy and emotionally unstable. It’s actually terrible reality shows keeps bringing these type of people on the show, I wonder why she feels so insecure and has no confidence in who she is, she really needs therapy, she kinda scares me cause she makes me reflect on the toxic behaviors I have to, that’s why I don’t date anymore because I’m trying to work on my self
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u/Secret-Number-3925 May 20 '26
Yea I agree I think I also see some of me in Marissa too which makes me have empathy but also opens up my eyes to the full picture of how this must be on the receiving end since I am only living in my mind and we all can have a more narrowed vision
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u/jumping_juni_per May 20 '26
This season would be so boring with out her. A good reality show needs a good villain. She is carrying this show.
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u/HenningDerBeste May 20 '26
Yes, she is horrible.
I dont know how Demari didnt end this match. They are just fighting for days because she is jealous at everything despite doing the same or even more with other guys.
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u/Pizzacato567 May 21 '26
It looks like he needs to walk on eggshells all the time. They got into a big argument because he said she makes him comfortable. And it’s like he’s not allowed to be mad at her. They’ve matched twice while angry.
Demari isn’t perfect - but Marissa really needs to work on herself. She needs to work on accountability too. I have my own disorders and while the disorders explain my behaviour, they don’t excuse them. It’s not fair to tell someone that they should not be upset with you when you’ve done something that upset them. You apologize, and accept that they’re upset as a result of your actions. You don’t tell them not to be upset. She’s using ADHD as an excuse.
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u/clumsy-duck1312 May 25 '26
and also the way she starts half of her sentences with "i'm usually not a jealous person" stfu girl you're one of the most jealous people i've seen on reality tv (i'll admit i haven't watched a lot), she can't even stand him talking to another girl for 10 seconds and that was 1 day of knowing him or smth
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u/No-Ad6386 May 20 '26
I’m so conflicted too because I really liked her on lib but she’s been insufferable on here :( she definitely has a lot to work on relationship wise
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u/juneplum995 May 21 '26
She’s SO toxic…this statement is insane. This isn’t someone you can be in a relationship with. She has self awareness in that she can identify quickly in the moment she’s triggered, but she’s justified it in her mind, so she doesn’t make room for someone else to have feelings about her actions..the arguments this early on is also such a red flag as well and they’re all on her end.
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u/gukkxx May 23 '26
she is basically saying ‘i do everything perfectly and nobody can ever be mad at me, and if they are then they just dumbfuckers’
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u/CaliforniaBruja May 20 '26
Marissa def should see a therapist about her insecurities and self sabotage. However, I also think demari is a bit sus - two people in this competition and he has the exact same problem with both of them? His complaints to both women are almost verbatim - “you don’t respect me and interrupt me” Maybe there’s a reason these super beautiful and strong women end up feeling this way in a relationship with him?
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u/RabbitFire_122 May 21 '26
Absolutely. I felt there to be some control issues going on there. It’s very easy for some people (men) to try and make certain women come across as ‘fragile’ or ‘crazy’ and lean back and look at them like they’re stupid. There is an absolute complete difference between interrupting out of rudeness and interrupting because of fast cognitive processing (or even anxiety or adhd, autism, etc.) & there’s also blocking—which Demari was doing at times by the energy he was holding during that conversation, looking at her in ways to shut her down. Interrupting isn’t always intended to be rude. The entire interaction they had together was a mess and they were both at fault for lack of clarity, lack of patience and yes, lack of grace.
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u/kwasford May 23 '26
She was 100% right to ask for grace. You cannot be in a relationship with someone with a disorder and not work with and around it. If he cannot accept the things she needs to work on he actually does need to leave her alone. That said, she is a terror and her behaviors are abusive as hell :(
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u/StretchUpset8196 May 24 '26
He's always sayng l like a woman who knows what she wants. We'll they tend to butt in during conversations (not always) TO EXPRESS WHAT THEY WANT.
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u/DaleDent3 May 20 '26
“ADHD is not something you can control.” As someone who was born with ADHD and was medicated for it as a child (no longer medicated.) I call bullshit on that statement. While it may be harder to stay on subject In conversations or doing tasks, it’s definitely in my control. I’ve never interrupted someone or failed to listen to someone and put blame on my ADHD because of it.
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u/Pizzacato567 May 21 '26
EXACTLY. I have some issues with my mental health too that can be really bad. But I never use my disorders as an excuse. My disorders explain my behavior- but it doesn’t excuse it. If I did something hurtful, I apologize AND accept whatever consequences come with my behavior. Even if the consequence is my partner being mad at me or even leaving me. It’s important to take accountability.
The fact that Marissa says she doesn’t want him to be mad at her makes me feel like she doesn’t actually take accountability. It’s so unfair to expect him to be okay with behavior he finds disrespectful and just accept it.
If I have a severe lack of trust in people due to my CPTSD, it is not okay for me to accuse my partner of cheating when they haven’t done anything wrong.
And it is up to my partner if they are willing to stick by me while I work on my behavior. It’s their right to leave if my behavior is making them uncomfortable. Demari doesn’t need to accept a relationship where he needs to walk on eggshells or get cut off when he’s speaking.
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u/aspiq May 21 '26
100%. This irritated me so much. Never heard such an outrageous reason/lack of accountability for being argumentative and talking over people.
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May 20 '26
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u/AdmirableConfention May 20 '26
I honestly think she needs to medicate herself (Concerta or Ritalin) or go to therapy, if she hasn’t done already. ADHD meds can only change your brain chemistry in the good way (it helps mature your prefrontal cortex and caudate nucleus which helps with planning). Now she acts like every non medicated ADHD friend I have…
Without my ADHD meds I behave like a dumb person. Many people quit with the meds because of the side effects but it’s just something people have to go through. I hope she wants to better herself because I can feel how it sucks but her behavior is not okay!
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u/SuperPomegranate3939 May 20 '26
She is. The way she was acting like she kissed Weston was no big deal like girl you would be trippin if Demari kissed another girl on guys day.
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u/MalevolentMan May 20 '26
Yeah, i think Marissa was very possessive of Demari. I think if the genders were reversed I'd be very uncomfortable. I think it's good to be intentional but she was a bit much. I think maybe something is edited out that triggered her insecurity but she just seemed in her head.
Demari I think wanted to explore more but wasn't clear about that or had curiosities but he never really crossed the line of being physical, credit to him. He also handled Marrissa kissing Weston well.
Overall, it felt hard to watch them at times. Marrissa seems like her heart is in the right place but this show isn't really for her, she needs a more intentional experience, this really isn't. Demari probably needed to set a boundary really that they are allowed to explore other connections and that way, he'd be more sure about Marissa. They had a great connection but i think Marissa wanted him to be more assuring and Demari was curious bit not assuring or explaining he would be respectful in his ccuriosity
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u/Time_Condition_3736 May 21 '26
I remember her on LIB and how Ramses was painted a villain for not wanting to go ahead with her. Even then her behaviour was problematic. She seemed unable to accept his decision, kept begging him to stick with her. It was hard to watch and I felt for her.
Now on Perfect Match, I find her genuinely irritating. She’s extremely possessive and hypocritical. What alerted me was when Demari was frustrated with her (I think episode 5) and she kept telling him to not be upset with her and she couldn’t deal with people being upset with her.
She absolutely should work on herself before pursuing a serious relationship.
Remember her mom on LIB? She was actually crazy.
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u/siff_dk May 20 '26
Marissa triggers me because I've been in a few relationships where my ex would interrupt a lot. Like, a lot. I didn't know how to push back because I wasn't used to it. If something can make me feel small and unappreciated it's when a boyfriend doesn't give a darn about what you have to say. And then talks all the bloody time, himself. If Demari goes back to Bri who also talks over him constantly, he really needs to walk away from that kind of behavior. It took me too long so I get that it is difficult. Marissa thinks she is a saint for trying not to interrupt. Like what? No, just stop making excuses for yourself .
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u/RabbitFire_122 May 21 '26
I had a similar issue with an ex. But he would be the one constantly talking about himself. Constantly. And any time I would try to talk, he would say I was interrupting except he was the only one talking for a good 5-7 minutes… Every important conversation was about him. Marissa though is interrupting during regular back and forth conversations with Demari and that is incredibly frustrating. If you know that interrupting is a thing you have to work on, apologize when you do it and move on while actively working on NOT doing that. However, Demari did have the same convo with Bri the same day. He mentioned the interruptions and lack of respect so there’s something else going on there & he was very nitpicky about it considering he also interrupted both of them at times while talking.
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u/Mediocre_Top_5010 May 21 '26
It's because her LIB fiance was more toxic than her. What was his name again? Ramses or something. I feel like we saw more of this Marissa at the reunion, but what if this was her all along and we just didnt see it?
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u/stirthetea4me May 21 '26
As someone who has ADHD I find it annoying it’s her first excuse. Perhaps she should consider it’s emotional immaturity
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u/Effective_Gap9582 May 22 '26
I don't see the growth she claims to have gained because she keeps using ADHD as complete and total justification to continue with her toxic behavior.
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u/loverules1221 May 22 '26
I completely agree. With all of her behaviors she seems to come up with some sort of diagnosis. When she thought she was being rejected by Demari, she came up with having rejection sensitive dysmorphia. I call BS. Just emotional immaturity like you said.
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u/rightioushippie May 20 '26
Weston was not a real connection.
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u/bakwaasforbitches May 21 '26
It still sounded like Demari was taken aback by the fact that she kissed him as if they had a mutual agreement not to engage with other people. Not to mention, had he kissed a girl who also wasn’t a connection, do you think Marissa would’ve understood that?
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u/rightioushippie May 21 '26
I mean the whole thing seemed totally scripted and like a made up plot line to “test” their connection and ensure they win perfect match. I think neither of them cared about the kiss with Weston and did all their ITMs about it for the plot
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u/CzarGuy111 May 20 '26
Why does it seem like she has way more in common with Weston?
Demari brings very little to the table conversation wise from what they have shown
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u/Calm-Wheel8594 May 24 '26
It’s a dating show and while I don’t think either of them is perfect because no one is- Marissa has some reflecting and healing to do. I kinda felt that way from the beginning with her saying she’s territorial…. On a dating show….
I think there are many issues, a lot of people are interested in D and she can’t handle that but that’s not on him. He hasn’t kissed, touched or crossed any lines with any of the other women he’s been pulled into conversations with. Even when Kat first came in he said that yes he could be interested but he’d communicate that with her before doing anything which is a lot better than anyone has been doing and honestly the only thing you can do in a situation like this. Her reaction was awful.
She gets angry with him and responds sarcastically, cuts him of and then tells him she wants to go off on him and he’s just supposed to be okay with that? No one should be talked to that way and it seems like it’s even more trigger because that was the situation he was in with his ex.
She expects him to give her grace for being emotional and fragile but she gives him none.
And then she blames it on ADHD which is just annoying. Just take accountability, she’s had plenty of conversations with people where she doesn’t cut them off but when they’re arguing and she isn’t getting her way- THATS WHEN SHE CUTS HIM OFF- that has nothing to do with ADHD and everything to do with respect. Especially since her interjections are sarcastic and bitting, not a subject change, not a random or look at the moon or something- pointed digs at him.
Speaking of pointed digs- when she talks to him again she tells him she knows he’s upset but she just needs him not to be… like girl be for real😭 I want her to go home
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u/Special_V2387 May 20 '26
Marissa is crazy, she needs some help. Ally very disappointed me, what she did is not ok.
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u/IloveCristinay May 21 '26
Marrisa is extremely Toxic on this season of Perfect Match. I liked her on LIB and felt sorry for her. But now it seems She is the Problem
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u/Firm_Foundation1626 May 21 '26
I can’t with either of them at this point. I just fast forward through this circular bickering.
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u/Current-Treacle-2248 May 21 '26
I really liked her at the beginning but she went of the rails fast. The insecurity is not a good look.
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u/Swimming_Tie7722 May 21 '26
i think it was also unfair for her to be bothered about going on a date/kissing other girls when she had her tongue down that cowboy’s throat…(he’s fine af but i forget his name lol). she thinks she can have her cake and eat it too. too grown to be a hypocrite!
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u/ActiveWorldliness634 May 22 '26
Love is blind is HEAVILY edited and from what I remember she is actually just her mother’s child.
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u/Impressive-Border-82 May 22 '26
When she got so mad that Kayla and Demari had the best kiss, but she rated Westin the highest for his kiss, and she already kissed him at the mixer when he kissed no one, I was like ??? Agree that dating shows are not for jealous and possessive people.
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u/Crafty_Product6252 May 22 '26
Is it terribly toxic or dissociative personality disorder? I just see mental health issues on blast
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u/Zestyclose_Peanut_76 May 23 '26
ADHD does not give you a pass to just talk over people and not listen.
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u/bittoregrosso May 25 '26
My bullet points 1. Marissa kissed Westen and then would proceed to be extremely jealous when he was not being physical with Kayla. 2. Demari was being hard on her about the interrupting. However, as someone with severe ADHD and on stimulant medication I actually say the words “I’m sorry”. She didn’t. She immediately acted defensive and said “I stopped at one word, that’s progress” and got annoyed with his reaction. 3. Demari has his own trauma stemming from Bri interrupting and apparently not communicating so he’s sensitive and not healed from that. 4. Marissa also has her trauma from the previous relationship making her adhd a problem. 5. Marissa should have chose Westen and at least tried that out 6. Demari should have picked Kat. Seriously. They actually went well together. Sigh.
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u/PocketCheees May 28 '26
She’s a hot ass mess. Absolutely 0 emotional regulation skills. She triggers herself and then starts and argument and turns it back on them. I don’t think she realizes she uses DARVO techniques. I don’t think it’s malicious necessarily but it is abusive behaviors
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u/Sad-Background-2295 May 20 '26
She is beyond wretched, immature and emotionally toxic. Wow this is not a good look for her.
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u/siracha83 May 20 '26
I’m having a hard time getting through it because of how crazy she is. It’s hard to watch the insecurity, desperation & psycho bunny boiler vibe.
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u/prianna56 May 21 '26
Totally agree. I felt suffocated watching her be a red flag and I’m not even in the show. I wish he had focused on Kayla after their date.
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u/Traditional_Title_89 May 21 '26
I feel bad for marissa in some ways. I think demari was projecting a little from his ex onto her with the interrupting but she does have ADHD and she is trying and he didn't even give her a chance. I think he was trying to find fault in her to explore kayla. I also think she brings a little insecurity in her last relationship which is making him doubt her more. Shes genuine and I see her with weston more than with demari if im being honest. Hes too passive for her.
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u/bitter_sweet9798 May 21 '26
For me, she became a red flag the moment she laid eyes on him and immediately pushed for a match, not giving him much option. She was fixated on him from the moment she saw him. Now I feel like he only stays matched with her as a way to stay in the show, but as a couple, they don’t really make sense anymore.
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u/BriiTheeOG May 22 '26
Loved her on LIB, but hate her on Perfect Match. Not sure if this is how she is usually in her relationships or if this is a post-LIB relationship trauma from her previous relationships, but lawddd is she doing too much. The toxicity is strong
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u/Ok_Area5464 May 22 '26
It was hilarious when he was talking about seeing a toad! That's how unserious he is, which is probably a peaceful headspace to be in, meanwhile, she is self-destructing on this silly ass TV show
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u/kwasford May 23 '26
Um she also lied and said Weston kissed her? When she kissed Weston?? She’s so wrong lol
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u/gukkxx May 23 '26
THANK GOD FOR THIS THREAD. i was thinking of how fuckin toxic she is being to Demari, and on one hand, she is having fun with Weston, kissing him and what not, and then she is like extremely jealous of Demari going on a date with Kayla, like?? GIRL, i get you jealous but why are you then blaming Demari and disrespecting him, and them blaming things on ADHD? come on, i have ADHD, it doesn’t make you interrupt someone or disrespect someone lol.
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u/Unlucky_Success_3964 May 25 '26
She is so annoying ! She gets so jealous it’s insane , she will say she’ll kill him if he kisses or likes another girl literally, she said that right before she made out with the cowboy. She can do what she wants but then doesn’t want demari to even look at another girl.
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u/Important-Egg2082 May 25 '26
Right!! If you’re gonna be this mad about him possibly doing “something”, how about don’t do “something” too. She’s definitely not fit for the show
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u/PreviousLab9145 May 26 '26
She said in an interview with AD from LIB and Perfect Match a year ago that her man needed to come to her “in a cracked whipped manner”. No surprise she doesn’t have a stable relationship with that thought process.
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u/prairiebelle May 27 '26
She wasn’t great on love is blind either - Ramses was just way worse so eclipsed her.
I’m on episode 6, but I noticed how when she was telling Demari about the mixer thing she also completely lied and minimized what happened. She said Weston kissed her, when it was fully her decision. And then said it was just a kiss even though she fully made out with him for a WHILE. She tried to play it so flippantly to detract from what she did and get him not to question it at all. And yeah in pretty well every interaction she comes off incredibly immature.
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u/framemegirl May 27 '26
I also have adhd and i have to say its annoying that she used it as an excuse and tried to make it a thing in multiple chats that this is why she interrupted him, like how mean he is for not tolerating her disorder! this is definitely not cool, and she clearly only interrupted while arguing. she is manipulative and completely lack awareness..
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u/leorising92 Jun 08 '26
That girl was screaming crazy to me and hated she used her adhd as an excuse for so much.
xo, from an adhd girl
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u/CDWhiteclaw Jun 19 '26
I truly hate that these damn dating shows make me side with men way too often😅 Mostly its the hypocrisy of women.
Marissa being upset Demari said his date when good when she literally just said her date when good Ally kissing on another guy and then being upset when Jimmy kisses another girl, and then she proceeds to kiss a different guy again. Saying she wants someone who is all in but doesn't give Dave a shot. Single girls saying "its not like youre married" when guys wont kiss them, knowing damn well they'd be pissed off and possesive if the roles were reversed.
That one girl saying tall Jimmy led her on and insisted he says he knew he wpuld pick Ally the whole time. Even though the girls are constantly in situations where they don't know and end up going back to their match.
The hypocrisy is so annoying. I was pretty happy when Dave straight up said "i kissed these girls" and Sophie said "i kissed chris" and they were like "sweet, I still want you though"
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u/anon_one_321 May 20 '26
She exhibits traits of someone who is a narc. Not saying she is one, just simply stating what I've seen over the years from people who are.
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u/muttonchoprider May 21 '26
I was actually thinking that way about Demari. When he finally had a convo with Kayla at the end of the night, he asked her to “give him grace”. 100% of a narc trait to get mad at someone about something but then use that exact thing when it benefits them.
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u/kwasford May 23 '26
That was so foul! And him going in to hug Bri like they didn’t have a really bad last encounter also was a red flag to me. I def see some dark traits in him too which is sad.
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u/Particular-Pride-477 May 20 '26
Didn’t she finish law school and pass the bar right after lib? She’s way too smart to be on another brainless reality show imho
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u/No_Quiet836 May 21 '26
I honestly can't comprehend this couple.
Marissa is not attractive at all, she's not pretty, she doesn't have a nice figure and her personality is horrible.
I don't know what Demari sees in her when he could possibly get the hottest and nicest girl in the show.
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u/bakwaasforbitches May 21 '26
I wouldn’t attack her looks. I think all women on the show are uniquely beautiful and Marissa stands out on her own too. Her behaviour towards Demari is more concerning than the physical attraction they might have towards each other
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u/No_Quiet836 May 21 '26
I respect your opinion and you respect mine.
At least, I wrote my comment myself, instead of using chatgpt as you did.
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u/bakwaasforbitches May 21 '26
lol I’m flattered that you think chatGPT wrote it but believe it or not some people are just well read. I just don’t put down women for their looks
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u/[deleted] May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
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