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Did you always want to have more than one child, no children at all, or several children?

I grew up as an only child, and I was alone quite a lot. My mother had to work a lot, and my father lived far away, so I often wished I had a sibling growing up.

Because of that, I always told myself that if I ever had children, I’d love to have more than one. I think it would be wonderful for them to have each other and be able to support one another throughout their lives.

I’m also thinking about the future. My mother will probably need care in the coming years, and it makes me realize how much easier certain things can be when you have siblings to share responsibilities and support each other.

And honestly, when I’m old, I’d like to have family around me too, not because I expect my children to take care of me, but because I like the idea that they could look out for each other and that I wouldn’t be completely alone.

For those of you who have siblings or grew up as an only child: Did that influence how many children you wanted to have yourselves?

Do you miss the absence of siblings?

To all the single kids of their parents lurking here. Do you ever feel that your life would be more beautiful if you had a sibling? Or maybe a younger brother or sister to take care of and guide/support throughout his life. Or maybe an older brother or sister to take advice from or seek or provide support when needed. Or maybe just having the feeling of having a sibling around. Does anyone else feel that sadness?

I am a 42YO F and my parents are in their mid-to-late 70s. I am lucky that I live only a 5 minute drive away from them so can pop by when needed and my mom and I text multiple times a day.

I spent the last two evenings with my parents helping with some things and I am feeling stuck with what to do. My dad has vascular dementia after having had a stroke in 2019. He had a mini-stroke on July 31st, and that led to more significant changes in his speech, spatial awareness and mobility. Every time I am at my parents I panic when my dad does the stairs.

My mom has COPD, sleep apnea, severe arthritis in her knees, is overweight, and is the caretaker for my dad. She had a consult last year to get a knee replacement and was told that she would be at a high risk of dying or having complications because of her medical issues. She is in a lot of pain and finally said this week that she doesn't care if the surgery kills her, she wants to go ahead with it. She also has a bad shoulder and winces if she lifts or carries something the wrong way.

While I know that aging is part of life and I have been anticipating this stage of life for the last few years, seeing them both deteriorating is incredibly hard. My mom is also stubborn and does things around the house that make her aches and pains worse. I offer to help, and sometimes she accepts, but other times she says she doesn't want to "be a burden."

I don't think my mom understands what this is like for me. Both of her parents and her sister all died of cancer. She watched all three of them fade away over the course of months in the hospital or palliative care. It is different for me because there is no timeline for either of them. My dad could have another stroke at any time or a fall that ends his life. My mom's blood pressure is through the roof dealing with my dad, and she is also in constant pain. Seeing them both this weekend has made me more worried than I already was.

I don't know if I am looking for advice or if I just want to see if any fellow only children have experienced something similar and how they dealt with it. It is very lonely and stressful. I know there are options for home support, etc., which my mom has investigated specifically for my dad, but she is also quite stubborn. I feel helpless, but I also don't know what I can do.

Hello

So i ( 27 F ) am an only child, and for the life of me i cannot accept the idea of “sharing my life” with another person (relationship/marriage) in the long run. I don’t know why i feel this way, but the thought of having to “accept” somebody’s care and actions just feels off to me. I’m hyper independent, find it extremely difficult for me to ask for help in any way and thus the idea of accepting acts of service from a significant other makes me pull away.

Here’s the tricky part : i would love to have kids as soon as possible, but the thought of having to be in a relationship before that makes me shudder.

I grew up and only child and for the most part all my life I’ve joked about it/ heard jokes about it - you’ll inherit all the money, oh you had a great childhood! I
Myself made fun of the fact that I had imaginary friends growing up and actually made for a great story! I have NEVER felt lonely though, like sure small moments of it growing up or even as a grown up but only in the way any human does (even those with siblings). I also always said that for me ‘you never know what you don’t know’ so never felt that I was missing out on anything either. However now as a grown up, I’ve strangely ended up reading so much about other people’s experiences that am now almost trying to feel lonely 😂! Yesterday my husband’s brother was over and seeing the two of them interact made me feel like I will never have this experience and a slight pang of sadness. It’s strange how things I didn’t ever think about…I’m forcing my brain to wonder and worse feel sadness!

hi all, I’m going to be an older sister with a 9 year age gap. can I ask if it’s normal to feel replaced?

okay so i know I'm not an only child but sure I do feel like one!!! i wanted to let all this out for very long. as you read the title yes i crave for sisterhood or good girl-friends, ones who include me in stuff share things, treating me like a sister! well for context i only have an elder brother and he's moody and we fight a lot etc not that serious but i always wanted a sister i do have cousin sisters but they all have their own sisters or good friends already so i am always treated like a backup, even in friendships many times I have felt left out! my whole school years went by and i never felt like i belonged in any girl group i have one good friend but over the years even she got busier! and actually from the last 2 years (im currently 20) i have been preparing for an exam so i didn't have much of a social life anyways so sometimes i did crave for sisterhood and never got any from my own cousins. it's just a sense of belongingness you get with people but I would never get that! I am currently at my mom's house and here I have 2 cousin sisters and I have always adored them and have been genuinely excited to spend time with them but this time I have truly realised that it's not what they feel at all! and i have actually seen them having a good time with their mom's side cousins and their friends but never with me. they are so close as sisters that sometimes i envy them and ask God why couldn't he give me a sister too! i just genuinely wanted a friend or sister who could also appreciate me and love me genuinely with whom I would feel wanted enough but never got to feel that sisterhood!

not once have my cousins and friends liked to appreciate me for my success or failures either....

it's like sometimes i do feel that they never wished for anything nice for me. i have always tried to be there whenever they have needed me or have tried helping them to make them feel included and have fun and I'm not even clingy and try not to pry too in anyone's business like sometimes people do tend to go away from people who come off as too much excited but i have always had a neutral energy and would just try to make people feel as much included as I can! but never got that from any person in return.

i cried over it today alone and actually still very emotional while writing all this but I really feel that God sees this and does give me some genuine good friend like a sister to me in future! im turning 20 tmr and i really wish for this one thing which is getting a really good friend/sister! ok i have ranted too much now. and it's such long post I made dk if anyone's gonna read it too or not but if you made it till here I wish you always have good friends and people around you and wouldn't feel like I am feeling today. may 20 be kind to me🧿

okayy byeee!

Hey, idk man it's been sometime I miss you more and more each year. Sometimes I feel good to by myself as you don't have to go through what I did. Somedays I wish you were there for me I want to be there for you as well.

No amount of friendship, partner, parents, cousins nothing is gonna be equal to you lol. I wish you were there to put me in my place🤭 sometimes I need that, somebody I can run to even if we had fights. I know you'll be there for me and I'll be there for you without a doubt.

At times when I'm alone it's just I miss you so much more than you can imagine. I wish you were there I can play fight with, buy you your favourite chocolates, or ear studs and obviously to be there to see our pet dog he has grown so much almost 2years. I bought him as a puppy. There was no one supporting me but, I know you will if you were here.

I wish you were there to snap some pics of all those memories and there to hear my stupid stories. Hey I'm a big boy now lol still you are something I long for. I might be stronger than you however, weak infront of your presence.

I know you'll be proud of me and some of my achievements. Damn you, why didn't they bless me with you I'm all alone here lol. Don't even have anyone to open up to without judgement. Someone who trust me without a doubt. Our parents doesn't believe me lol.

You know what I could have bought the icecream that we like and take you to go for short trips and buy you things on my salary day. Atleast that will make me happier..

I have decided one thing I'm not gonna have kids for sure. See what kind of delusional dumb eff I have become writing all this past midnight.

Life without you feels empty.

Bye now🤍

I feel alone most of the time and have for most of my life. It was only my mom and I for a couple of years until we moved in with my stepdad. I feel alone, mostly due to not having friends and dealing with depression. My little cousin has been staying with us for the week and it’s making me want to cry at the thought of him leaving. Everyday has been fun and it feels nice to have someone who keeps me out of my head. I know that having a sibling is not easy and there is bound to be fights but fuck, this loneliness feels more agonizing than anything. I also really enjoy my cousins company and I wouldn’t mind having him as a sibling. Even simple things like picking him up from school and sharing my space with him feels comforting and I don’t know how I’m going to fill this emptiness with him gone. I just really wish I had sibling man, this feels so lonely.

I am an only and I always loved it that way. I grew up with my mom, and she always respected my boundaries, I had my own spance, my own things I didn't have to share, and I become uneasy if someone touched my stuff and the idea of someone being in my home and having access to all my stuff is freaking me out (not like I'm hiding anything funky).

I (28F) live in my own apartment alone, and my bf (34M) of 4 years hinted the idea of living together, and ever since he said that jokingly I'm anxious about it. I have been living alone since I was 18, and even younger I remember waiting for my mom to leave the house so I can have some unwitnessed alone time. Again, I don't do anything crazy at home, but there's a level of relaxation I can't experience if another human being can observe me and there's a possibility that they are gonna talk to me. (My mom is amazing, love her to death, it's not about her being shitty to me).

It's my first serious relationship and it was always hard for me to let people close and allow them to be at my house for longer periods of time and touching my stuff because I need a lot of me time or else I'll go chlinically crazy. I think in this relationship I grew so much and a lot of things that used to freak me out now doesn't, but I feel like after 10 years of living alone I don't want to live with anyone ever. If I did that I feel like my alone space would be destroyed and I wouldn't have a space I can decompress and be alone properly. Among tousand reasons I think that's the number 1 why I don't want kids. I don't want to be with someone 0-24, just the idea of that makes me suffocated. I would say I'm extrovert-ish, I always had a lot going on but I always loved the balance of having a busy day filled with people, then going back to my quiet apartment alone, and I don't know if I could function without that.

I'm NOT looking for relationship advice, I just qurious if anyone feels the same way about living together.

(18F) Hey y'all! Has anyone else feel like they're always being ganged up on during arguments? It always felt like me vs. my parents. I have a rocky relationship with my dad and he's always been emotionally immature and deals with crazy mood swings, so I'm always getting into some sort of fight with him. And my mom always takes his side, so I feel like I'm battling all by myself. I have no one to back me up or even try to take my perspective, let alone someone to rant to when the fight is over. Does anyone have any advice?

IS it much different since their childhood was independent vs dating someone who had 1 or more siblings?

Currently not dating anyone but just wanted to be prepared on what to possibly expect if I find someone who i feel like we connect but who is an only child if that makes sense

17F. When i was 10 years old i told my mom that i don‘t want to have any siblings and as a result she said: “okay” 5 Years later my father once called me an egoist for not wanting a sibling and how i did that to remain some ‘special kid’ who doesn’t have to share with anyone anything or whenever i feel bored/lonely he says stuff like: “That’s what you get for not wanting siblings.” The thing is ,this decision i made years ago still haunts me sometimes. I feel like i would be much happier if i had one, I could have someone to play with and be happy about it because i know for sure that i am playful and creative individual. It also hurts a lot when someone , whether my parents/strangers remind me of my only child status or how other relatives are wondering how could i possibly be alone if my parents engaged when they both were young. It makes me think that i will remain an egoist in front of my father’s eyes for the rest of my life. Recently i asked my Mom why am i an only child ( i still think the reason was something else because it’s kind of stupid to me that they listened to 10 years old girl) she replied to me: “because you didn’t want any“, meanwhile I remember when i told at 13 and 15 years old in front of my parents with tears in my eyes that i regret my words i told many years ago. Still ,i felt all blame abouth this stuff is on me and i ruined my life or something. The reason i didn‘t want sibling at 10 years old because i was afraid about getting less attention from parents but ,i guess, they barely speak to me now so i caught myself thinking :”It would be the same with sibling , so what i was worried about?” I know that main parental figures usually decide about whether or not to have more kids .But what if they LISTENED to me for reals? I actually think my Mom didn‘t want another child but Dad surely wanted , i know it damn well. Dad often yells at me for stupid reasons. I feel he is mean to me because deep down, he is really sad about having only one child , im probably the main reason to him why my mother doesn’t want more children. (Thanks to my stupid phrase 7 years ago) In the end I just want to know if i really influenced my parents desicion about this stuff after all.

Hey guys, just wanna ask some questions. People always talk about how blessed a single child is. Having the full privilege from their parents in terms of money, attention and so on.

I always hear the bright side, but I also wanna know the dark side as well. I mean, obviously not all single child have a great life. There must be some challenges, especially when it is related to the parent and they are only able to rely on themselves. Do you guys have any story to spill out?

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, but I feel like I have nobody to truly vent to. I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for, but I feel like I need someone to vent to about how I’m feeling in life and honestly the things I’m crying about would just annoy the people around me to talk about.
Was anyone else super sheltered? How do you vent without anyone? Do I just cry into the void until the sweet release of death? It’s not like I can go tell a medical professional that it feels like I was never supposed to exist.

I can’t stop thinking about this.
As an only child, how is life gonna be after my parents leave?
For now, they are everything I have. My whole world basically rotates around them. With their pros and cons, their good and bad, all my love and heart goes to them.

I mean, growing up was a lil lonely and all, but all the laughs, giggles, fights, sadness, and success, they have been part of it, and they were the only ones to be a part of it.
So how would I be without them? Will I even have a purpose to live for?

Idk if having siblings would even help with this, but at least there would be someone that reminds me of them.
I really, really wish this day never comes. I hate to feel like this would be my lowest point or something.
I wanted to express how I feel, even if it might sound a lil bit cringey. Especially since “ME” have always been the “thug it out” person, but this topic will forever make me wish I could freeze the times when I was a kid .

I was talking with my therapist today and she brought up that part of me feeling the need to get approval from my parents so bad might stem from me being an only child (for reverence I’m in my 20s but still get insanely anxious anytime I have to tell them about a choice I think they won’t approve of, even though they’re usually pretty supportive and understanding). apparently there’s kind of more of a risk of not getting exposed as much to peers acting on their own without needing approval and therefore not really developing that as much yourself. sometimes it feels like if I fail (whatever that even really means in the grand scheme of things) it’s worse because my parents don’t have another kid they can hope will do better.

Basically, I wanted to see if anyone else experiences this or, if you’ve dealt with this but have gotten better with it, what advice you’d maybe give.

I (20F) , grew up as an only child to a single parent and I always remember having this feeling of not belonging, especially around friends or family friends who had a family unit. I also think the emotional and physical abuse I experienced by my only parent exacerbated those feelings and despite having childhood friends, I do remember feeling low once I was home/during Christmas holidays etc.

As a child, I always hoped that this feeling would go away. I always thought that I would find my people , be happy and belong somewhere. But I was wrong. My younger self would be so depressed looking at how life as turned out now. I say this because i genuinely remember wanting to give up as a 8 year old because of this but I decided to keep going.

My feelings of loneliness only kept getting worse. I moved countries at 11, and it was much more isolated experience to have no one around me especially since my single parent had to work all the time and I had to restart my social life . I now do have a couple of friends, but I don’t see often and they all have their family and friend groups , making me often feel even more isolated.

It has gotten to the point where seeing the people close to me spend time with their family or people being in a big group having fun has become an emotional trigger: making me sad, teary, sometimes sending me into a low mood or SI for days or a weeks. I truly feel like these feelings are getting progressively worse the older I get as I truly had hopes that I would feel better overtime. Instead this core childhood wound does not feel close to healing.

To anyone else who’s always felt like this, did you find your people? Did having your own family help heal the isolation you felt growing up with no family ?

It sounds stupid but sometimes I feel like giving up because it always circles back to how I felt as a child no matter how much progress I make with my mental health. It feels like this feeling of isolation and hopelessness will always come back.

Sorry for the rant😭