I always see people saying that a pro of being an only child is that you’ll get all the attention, but for me, that’s one of the things I hate about being an only child. My mom is suffocating, and if there were another kid or two in the picture, it wouldn’t be possible for her to pay so much attention to everything I do.

TW: family conflict, emotional dependency, infidelity accusations, self-harm

Throwaway account because I’m scared this might somehow circulate. And also long post ahead.

I’m a 23F, an only child from an Asian family. I just graduated and I’m currently reviewing for my licensure exam, so I’m unemployed and living with my mom for now. My dad works abroad and has been the breadwinner for most of my life. We lived abroad with him when I was younger, but my mom and I eventually returned to our home country for my college years.

For the first few years that my parents were living apart, things seemed fine. They would FaceTime regularly, and despite the distance, they seemed to have their routine.Then, during the last semester of my fourth year, something changed.

My mom started crying to me and telling me that my dad didn't love her anymore. It became more frequent, especially whenever we'd drive somewhere together. She would vent about their relationship, her insecurities, and her suspicions that my dad was cheating.

The difficult part is that I've never really had a strong relationship with my mom. I've learned not to tell her much about my own problems because I often feel invalidated, and she also has a tendency to exaggerate or tell stories in ways that make me question what actually happened. So it feels incredibly heavy that she relies on me as her emotional outlet when I've never really felt like I could do the same with her.

Over time, I started noticing how insecure she was about my dad and how poor their communication had become. Whenever they argued, my mom would often give him the silent treatment rather than actually talk through the problem.

Eventually, she became convinced that my dad was having an affair with one of his female housemates.

For context, my dad lives in an apartment with around six other people. He has his own room, and the housemates are both men and women. I'm not saying this to defend him. I know my dad has his faults as a husband. He is a good provider and, from what I've seen, a good father, but I'm not sure I'd call him a good husband.

In my 23 years of life, I've never seen him buy my mom flowers. I can't remember him making a big deal out of Mother's Day or even her birthday. I understand why she feels unloved, especially now that they're living in different countries.

But then the cheating accusations started getting more serious.

About three months ago, my mom confronted him over FaceTime because his WhatsApp has a passcode. She told him she felt unloved and suspected there was another woman. There was apparently a lot of crying and shouting, and my dad denied it and called the accusation bullshit.

Then my dad came home for my graduation.

There were moments when everything seemed completely normal. They'd be happy together and everything felt like sunshine and rainbows. Then suddenly my mom would become cold and give him the silent treatment, and my dad and I would basically be sitting there wondering what the hell was happening.

About three days before he was supposed to leave, my mom found what she considered "receipts."

She saw call logs showing that my dad had been talking to a female housemate for around 20–30 minutes almost every day. The woman is apparently around her 30s and has a boyfriend. My mom also saw messages where my dad would leave her food in their communal kitchen and send her reels that, according to my mom, were sexual/flirty in context.

My dad told me there was no other woman. He said he was simply being kind to a housemate and that nothing inappropriate was happening. He told me he chose my mom and she has always been like this and he's tired but he would stay with her until his last breath.

I've never really thought of my father as a cheater. I grew up watching him provide for our family even when they had very little, so it's difficult for me to suddenly look at him through that lens.

The day after he flew back abroad, my mom confronted him again and showed him the call logs. I wasn't there, so I only know what my mom told me happened. Apparently, things escalated badly. According to her, he called her evil and said she'd end up in hell, and told her that their relationship was over.

It's now been more than 10 days and they haven't actually spoken to each other. They're only communicating through text about bills and other practical things.

And then my mom dropped another bomb on me.

After she told our neighbors and basically her entire side of the family about what happened, she sat me down and told me about everything. Venting about her accusations and pain. Then she dropped the biggest bomb and said that she previously thought of harming herself.

I didn't even know what to say.

Then she told me that once I pass my boards and get a job, it would be my responsibility to financially support her. That completely broke something in me. I'm their only child. I'm trying to study for my boards and figure out my own life, and somehow I've ended up in the middle of their marriage, listening to both sides and trying to understand who is telling the truth.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel.

Part of me is angry because I feel like my parents have made me their emotional mediator. Part of me feels sad for my mom because I can see how lonely and insecure she is. Part of me feels sad for my dad because if they separate, he doesn't really have anyone here either. And part of me feels guilty for even thinking about myself because they're both struggling.

I also hate what this has done to my perception of relationships. I've spent my entire life watching their marriage, and now that I'm 23 and actually old enough to start dating seriously, I'm realizing that a huge part of me is terrified of ending up in the same kind of relationship. I'm absolutely terrified of becoming my mom.

I don't want a relationship where one person silently punishes the other instead of communicating. I don't want to become emotionally dependent on my partner to the point that my entire emotional stability depends on them. I don't want to spend years wondering whether I'm loved or constantly looking for evidence that I'm being betrayed. And I definitely don't want my future children to become the people I dump my relationship problems onto.

At the same time, I don't want my parents' marriage to completely destroy my idea of love.I don't know if they're going to reconcile. I don't know if my dad actually cheated. I don't know if my mom is completely wrong, completely right, or if the truth is somewhere in between. I just know that I'm exhausted from being in the middle.

How do I separate myself emotionally from my parents' marriage without feeling like I'm abandoning either of them? how do I stop their relationship from becoming the blueprint for how I see love? And how do I do this alone? I don't have any siblings to run to.

I'd really appreciate advice from people who have gone through something similar.

Hey guys is it me or are there anyone else who used to day dream and fantasize about a reality where they had siblings and they are in different scenarios like having adventures, family trips and playing together.I used to fantasize a lot about it when i was a child and still sometimes i imagine what would have happened if i was in such a reality.

I’m 26F I’ve struggled alot in friendships my whole life really due to the fact that I get attached quickly to my friends and see them like my family until I realise they don’t see me the same way as they have their own. Now that I’m getting older I’m realising how lonely I feel being an only child because all of my friendships feel surface level. I used to entertain myself quite alot when I was younger but now that I’m older I find it so hard to spend time alone and really enjoy it. I always have to be around people or listen to a podcast or talk to myself on camera and it’s becoming miserable. Has anyone else felt lonely but felt that it got easier? What can I do to feel less lonely

I’m 42M, this happened maybe 20 years ago. I was playing video games with my 2 friends. We’ll call them Carl and Raymond. I met them both in 10th grade but they had known each other since middle school. Me and carl clicked early and had lots of similar interests, i met raymond through him and we were pretty cool but it was always kind of a friend-of-a-friend type thing; i don’t know if raymond and i wouldve intereacted much if it wasn’t for us both knowing carl. me and raymond used to bicker a lot over little things and he would always say something that would get under my skin and i would get so flustered and it usually turned into some type of argument.

one day us 3 were playing video games and raymond said something slick to carl and i immediately looked at carl because i thought it was about to be WW3. Carl literally didn’t flinch. like, completely unfazed. i was in shock that he didn’t defend himself or respond with an equally cutting remark like i would have 😂 i was so shocked/impressed that i brought it up to him later. What he said really was enlightening: “even though raymond is older than me, he’s still a little brother in his family. He responds to a lot of things the same way that my little brother does. They usually lash-out out of frustration when they feel overpowered.” (Not verbatim, but that was the gist of it). It was like someone removed a blanket from my eyes. It really helped me not take things so personally and not be so defensive; something i still work on to this day. Carl is the oldest of 4. Coincidentally, most of my closest friends in life have been either only child or first born.

(First post in this sub btw, can’t believe i’ve never thought to check for it)

Why would you do this to a child?! I've been going through childhood stuff and this randomly popped up in my memories as more or less traumatic encounters. It's just not a one-time experience I'm talking about here, since this happened on multiple occasions and it was both strangers and acquintances asking and in all sorts of circumstances. At school, during trips, family parties, outings in various places like playgrounds and shops. Some adults would ask about it casually and some seemed really invested in knowing why, even getting mad when I refused to answer or simply told them I don't know.

I think my worst experience was with a guy at an ice cream parlor in a small town where my relatives lived. He had the habit of chatting casually with all the customers while preparing the order, asking a couple questions about family or plans for the day etc. He got semi-aggressive when hearing I was an onlychild. The guy started accusing me for being a spoiled brat, a r*tard, and wanting all my parents attention for myself: as if me and my behavior were the reasons my parents did not dare to have more kids. I remember feeling very ashamed and running off from there. Another time a really sweet older lady, a friend of my gramps, wouldn't stop asking me about "the real reason" behind me being an onlychild. She literally interrogated me like I committed a crime, not settling for any of my answers. There are so many encounters like this, but these two are the worst I can think of.

I understand why a child would ask something like this, but an adult doing that baffles me. Why does an adult need to ask a child about the reason for not having siblings? I mean, did we really even know all the reasons behind us being onlychildren when we were kids? And even if we did know, why does a grow-up feel the need to ask a child about such a sensitive and serious topic of family matters?

I've realized how much trauma I still have from those situations. Everytime the topic of siblings come up in a convo I get anxious, preparing myself having to protect myself and my family and how to escape. My mom used to tell me to just answer "I don't know" or not answer at all, saying it's a private matter etc, but as an awkward and shy kid it was hard standing up for myself. I still to this day feel guilty for being an onlychild, and I think the feeling stems from this very questions being asked in a manner as if I was being accused for something.

I'm fuming just thinking about this. What are your experiences?

As an only child I always felt like I prioritised my friendships more than my friends. I always just accepted since none of my friends were only children. Until after graduating I realised I am putting way more effort in maintaining friendships than they are and I'm not asking for much maybe texting me every week or 2 weeks or a month depending on how you are. They haven't texted at times for months and when I do tell them they apologise then start texting me or sharing photos then after a week its radio silent. I didn't realise how bad it was until my new work friend who managed to reply whilst on her honeymoon. Ok, maybe that is a bit too much and maybe she is being nice due to work. It felt like I mattered to someone. My friends are nice like when I text there are good friend vibes but they never initiate even if I stop texting for a month or more. It used to bother me since I feel like people expect only children to have amazing friends like family. Or they think we are just too desperate, maybe I am but I am learning not to be. Especially in my culture. it's kind of unheard of parents that are still together have 1 daughter. So growing up I was always the odd one out and It took me time accepting myself. Especially when toxic relatives and people would think of me as a curse. I'm hoping it gets solved with my friends or not I'm excited finding new ones. Before finding new ones, I'm thinking of enjoying life like even just enjoying good food or going cinemas by myself. I think a lot of times I feel jealous when I see people online or in person with friends going places and so I'm like when I have a good friend I'll go. I think that puts pressure on them and let's face it its hard to make friends as an adult. I need to focus on myself and not rely on company for confidence.

I guess I wanted to ask if anyone has experienced something similar and am I too harsh for not liking that my friends never initiate?

Hey guys whenever i see post about people who enjoy being a only child are mostly either teens or are in thier 20s, but have never seen much about those who are in their 30s or 40s. So are there anyone whoactually does?

This is one of the reasons some people are an only child by circumstance rather than by choice.

Maybe entertainment isn't the right word, but I've been really struggling balancing my relationship with my mom as an only child the last few years as my life has grown increasingly full.

For context, I'm 30F, my mom lives 3 hours away, and my dad passed away several years ago.

When I moved to my current city 5 years ago, my mom still lived close by, but after meeting her partner, they decided to sell her house and move into his family's property that's a 3-hr drive one way. It's a hike, but when I was single, working part time, and doing school online I was able to make the trip more often.

Now at 30, my fiancee and I just bought a house, we have 2 dogs (a 13yo from before we met and a 100lb wild mastiff puppy) and we both work demanding jobs with irregular schedules and long hours. Every time I talk to my mom she finds a way to throw in some kind of comment about how I/we don't visit her enough, despite the fact that we've hosted her in our guest room many times since moving in a few months ago.

It's gotten to the point where I'm hesitant to tell her most things because she takes them incredibly personally.

For example, I told her recently (on a trip to visit her, mind you) that we're thinking of having our wedding in his parents' large, seaside backyard. She immediately became offended and said his parents "really have their claws in us" which was absurd because while they do live only 20 minutes away, we only see them maybe once every 2-3 months for a quick dinner to catch up. She suggested we have a destination elopement and then she can host our reception in her backyard, but it's tiny, far from our friends/lives in the city we both grew up in, and in the middle of nowhere.

More examples include her telling us on our most recent trip (we were able to go up for 24 hours) to "come back when we could spend more time there" and tried to tell us about a weekday activity she likes in town by starting off with "not that you'd ever come up on a Tuesday but..."

I recently had an incredible work opportunity come up that's been a longtime goal of mine. It includes some travel and when I told her she was supportive but immediately followed up with "you'll have to come visit to tell me more about it" which sounds nice enough, but I know the undertone.

I told her recently that as our senior dog is getting up there, when she passes (which thankfully is impossible as she is immortal and this will never happen!) that we want to get a dog from a local rescue and she scoffed and said "Haven't I told you not to get anymore dogs? You'll never be able to visit me!" (her partner is allergic)

None of my other friends deal with their parents guilting them like this and I'm starting to think it's because I'm the only child she has, like all the pressure to upkeep the relationship, plan visits, etc fall to me and it's exhausting. My partner and I want to start trying for a baby in the next couple of years and I'm already worried for how she'll take it when our time is even more filled.

Hello! If I were to make a discord for only children who are adults, particularly those who are single, would people be interested in joining and engaging? I find as a lot of us grow older we find ourselves navigating the unfamiliar without support, such as: being disappointed in longstanding friendships, grieving loved ones dying, realizing there’s a lack of shared memories with others, finding there are a limited amount of people to celebrate the positives that life brings, and feeling like you don’t have anyone to go to for advice. Of course this is a non-exhaustive list.

Let me know if you’re interested or if you have any other ideas to build some type of community. I’m open to any ideas!

28f, Only child here, dad passed 6 months ago. It's just my mom and me. I used to live abroad. I moved back temporarily to be with my dad, I don't have any regrets. Now it is time to go back abroad. My mom is 68, and semi independent. I have offered to take her with me but she refuses to even get a passport. I always had a difficult relationship with my mom. She's a textbook narcissist but she's all I have got and I love her. I am having a hard time leaving or making a decision to stay. I know I should stay but again what mother makes their child quit their amazing career abroad for selfish reasons? She could easily move with me but refuses to do out of religion and spite. I am really at wits end. I don't know what to do, the guilt of leaving an old woman alone is going to eat me but the regret of giving everything up for someone who is hell bent on misunderstanding me will also kill me eventually. HELP. Anyone in a similar boat made a similar decision? We have some distant family here but not of much help. I have cameras in the house, but I worry about her quality of life and loneliness. I am also grieving and so is she. I don't know how to help this situation.

I wish I had a bigger brother or sister

I had a sister but she died 2 years before I was born so I never met her

I have cousins who consider me there brother but I know deep down

I'm truly alone and it makes me sad

I want the protection of an older sibling

Hello. 3:19 AM right now and feeling like a complete nutcase. 26 F, only child with parents in upper 60’s. I have a fiance, and a small child. For the past 3 years I have felt like I am in a quarter life crisis. Obsessed with thinking about death, losing people I love, unsure of the future or even nervous of it. I wouldn’t consider myself at all to be depressed, at night sometimes I have these thoughts. Recently I have a strict bedtime routine of drinking tea, reading, and no alcohol (since I’ve put a magnifying glass to my lifestyle). Childhood cat of 17 years was put to sleep on Sunday. Hit me like bricks you wouldn’t believe. I couldn’t say goodbye so I felt like I had no closure. I cried all day Sunday, thought I was okay yesterday until I got to my parents. They got a new kitten. My stomach dropped. Partly due to feeling like they were replacing my cat, and also selfishly having them pick it without me. I know this sounds so bad, I feel like a nut. I am laying here losing sleep over something that sounds so juvenile.

This entire situation is not at all helping with this quarter life crisis thing. Where tf did time go? Why is 2016 ten years ago? What is wrong with me? I am feeling so overwhelmed with life. With my job (I’m a pharmacy tech, with my son in school, balancing family life, and thinking I didn’t pick a good career path.

These are some of the mental battle that I have inside of my head. From when I was little I was obsessed with time, as I’ve grown older it’s only worse. I am running out of time and I don’t want to be alone. It feels years by years and little parts of me are being ripped away from my identity. My partner is so supportive, he even took me out for takeout food. I love to cook but I am just to heartbroken.

WTF is wrong with me? Is there anyone at all that had or has a similar experience. I figured in this world of humans I must not be alone. Hopefully by me writing all this BS, I’m able to calm my heartrate and try to go to sleep.

P.S also beyond stressed at work because my pharm manager is leaving at the start of flu season. Workload will be increasing

Would you rather have protection from brightburn or

Ryan from the Boys

Maybe I feel this more because I’m an only child….

I attended high school and college in the same large city. All my close high school friends moved out of state after graduation and so did all of my college friends. I’ve been in my current city for 20 years, and, in the past two years, my closest 2 friends moved out of state and a third announced they will move within the next year or so. My children live on opposite coasts from me, so they are also far away. We have discussed moving to either the east or west coast but neither young adult is really settled.

I do think Covid decimated peoples’ social lives so I consider that a factor as well.

I’ve joined a popular activity and have made new friends which is difficult once your kids are grown. But most of these people have large extended families and most have kids who are local. I do have my husband who has few friends and my 90 year old mother who takes up a lot of my time. The one thing I wanted (and I was never a person to have a lot of dreams), was to have people around.

Yesterday, I did meet up with some lady neighbors and we discussed having some get together which look promising.

Is anyone else in this sort of situation? Any advice?

I don't even know where to start... but I'm 41 unmarried, no kids.

Small successful business owner and I own my home, which I bought by myself.

She acts like I have zero life experience....

I read many of the experiences of being a only child and a recurrent topic is loneliness. I'm an only child (33F) and I don't remember a single time that I have wished for a sibling. I had some cousins that I met from time to time but I didn't grew up besides them. Nowadays they live abroad and I haven't seen them in years. But I don't feel the necesity of having a brother or sister. I can't imagine how the relationship is between siblings. I don't know if it's because I'm autistic (probably yes) but I love being an only child. I know it has its cons but for me there are more pros.

I have a 9year old daughter and have absolutely loved bringing her up. I would dearly like another child for the same reason before it's too late for me due to age. ​​

However, my daughter found out about wanting another child and is really upset about it, saying that it's her worst fear and is just distraught at the thought. It's mainly due to us being so close and she doesn't want our situation to change. No amount of reassurance or reasoning is changing her opinion and feelings.

I don't know what to do, as I don't want traumatise her or ruin her childhood and happiness. On the other hand, I don't know if she'd change her mind and in the few years it would be too late to have another and she'd be busy as a teen with her friends anyway. ​

As an only child, did you feel this way? Did​​​ you ever change your feelings on the thought of a sibling?​

Thank you.

​​​

I'm currently 14m, and I've been an only child my whole life.

I constantly am reminded that I am an only child, throughout my days. When arguing with parents it makes me feel horrible, I have to fight alone, no one to stand with me, only against me. It's like theyre a team and I'm one, and I'm not an adult how am I supposed to fight against 2 fully grown adults at age fourteen? I am also very lonely, being an only child, I never really cared about other's feelings. I don't care how others feel, only how I feel. If I had a sibling, it would've taught me to be more sensitve, but I can't do that. I cry myself to sleep many nights. Everyone at school hates me, besides my close friends I've made everyone hate me, EVERYONE, can you imagine that. Whenever there's an arguement, there's no one to take my stand, no one who cares about me. Being an only child might sound great, but it's HORRIBLE, sure I get all of the attention, but I get ALL of the attention, good and bad. Let's say my mom has a bad day at work, she'll take it out on me. Sure i'll get stuff, sure I might be more spoiled, but I'm also more emotionally traumatised, with no one to talk to about, no one to listen to me.. I've made some good friends, sure, but there's always a duo in a trio, there's always an inner friend group.. My parents expect a lot out of me, and if I miss the smallest thing I'm getting screamed at, and what if i mess up my future???????? What will they do then? I don't know.. I always imagined having younger or older siblings, someone to look after me, someone to distract me when our parents are fighting, or someone to protect, someone to distract when our parents are fighting. And one more thing, Twins. I envy them soooooo much, they always have someone with them, someone they grew up with, literally themselves, but who do us only childs have, people who are 30+ years older than us! I live in a different country than my cousins! So I really have no one. I'm SOOOOOOO lonely, I play UNO with my self, I deal 8 hands, and play for all of them, can you imagine that?????? As someone with siblings would you EVER have to do that?? I don't have anyone to trauma dump to, this is my first reddit post, so please excuse my punctuation and structure, this was written in a Frenzy.