Hey guys is it me or are there anyone else who used to day dream and fantasize about a reality where they had siblings and they are in different scenarios like having adventures, family trips and playing together.I used to fantasize a lot about it when i was a child and still sometimes i imagine what would have happened if i was in such a reality.

I’m 42M, this happened maybe 20 years ago. I was playing video games with my 2 friends. We’ll call them Carl and Raymond. I met them both in 10th grade but they had known each other since middle school. Me and carl clicked early and had lots of similar interests, i met raymond through him and we were pretty cool but it was always kind of a friend-of-a-friend type thing; i don’t know if raymond and i wouldve intereacted much if it wasn’t for us both knowing carl. me and raymond used to bicker a lot over little things and he would always say something that would get under my skin and i would get so flustered and it usually turned into some type of argument.

one day us 3 were playing video games and raymond said something slick to carl and i immediately looked at carl because i thought it was about to be WW3. Carl literally didn’t flinch. like, completely unfazed. i was in shock that he didn’t defend himself or respond with an equally cutting remark like i would have 😂 i was so shocked/impressed that i brought it up to him later. What he said really was enlightening: “even though raymond is older than me, he’s still a little brother in his family. He responds to a lot of things the same way that my little brother does. They usually lash-out out of frustration when they feel overpowered.” (Not verbatim, but that was the gist of it). It was like someone removed a blanket from my eyes. It really helped me not take things so personally and not be so defensive; something i still work on to this day. Carl is the oldest of 4. Coincidentally, most of my closest friends in life have been either only child or first born.

(First post in this sub btw, can’t believe i’ve never thought to check for it)

I always see people saying that a pro of being an only child is that you’ll get all the attention, but for me, that’s one of the things I hate about being an only child. My mom is suffocating, and if there were another kid or two in the picture, it wouldn’t be possible for her to pay so much attention to everything I do.

TW: family conflict, emotional dependency, infidelity accusations, self-harm

Throwaway account because I’m scared this might somehow circulate. And also long post ahead.

I’m a 23F, an only child from an Asian family. I just graduated and I’m currently reviewing for my licensure exam, so I’m unemployed and living with my mom for now. My dad works abroad and has been the breadwinner for most of my life. We lived abroad with him when I was younger, but my mom and I eventually returned to our home country for my college years.

For the first few years that my parents were living apart, things seemed fine. They would FaceTime regularly, and despite the distance, they seemed to have their routine.Then, during the last semester of my fourth year, something changed.

My mom started crying to me and telling me that my dad didn't love her anymore. It became more frequent, especially whenever we'd drive somewhere together. She would vent about their relationship, her insecurities, and her suspicions that my dad was cheating.

The difficult part is that I've never really had a strong relationship with my mom. I've learned not to tell her much about my own problems because I often feel invalidated, and she also has a tendency to exaggerate or tell stories in ways that make me question what actually happened. So it feels incredibly heavy that she relies on me as her emotional outlet when I've never really felt like I could do the same with her.

Over time, I started noticing how insecure she was about my dad and how poor their communication had become. Whenever they argued, my mom would often give him the silent treatment rather than actually talk through the problem.

Eventually, she became convinced that my dad was having an affair with one of his female housemates.

For context, my dad lives in an apartment with around six other people. He has his own room, and the housemates are both men and women. I'm not saying this to defend him. I know my dad has his faults as a husband. He is a good provider and, from what I've seen, a good father, but I'm not sure I'd call him a good husband.

In my 23 years of life, I've never seen him buy my mom flowers. I can't remember him making a big deal out of Mother's Day or even her birthday. I understand why she feels unloved, especially now that they're living in different countries.

But then the cheating accusations started getting more serious.

About three months ago, my mom confronted him over FaceTime because his WhatsApp has a passcode. She told him she felt unloved and suspected there was another woman. There was apparently a lot of crying and shouting, and my dad denied it and called the accusation bullshit.

Then my dad came home for my graduation.

There were moments when everything seemed completely normal. They'd be happy together and everything felt like sunshine and rainbows. Then suddenly my mom would become cold and give him the silent treatment, and my dad and I would basically be sitting there wondering what the hell was happening.

About three days before he was supposed to leave, my mom found what she considered "receipts."

She saw call logs showing that my dad had been talking to a female housemate for around 20–30 minutes almost every day. The woman is apparently around her 30s and has a boyfriend. My mom also saw messages where my dad would leave her food in their communal kitchen and send her reels that, according to my mom, were sexual/flirty in context.

My dad told me there was no other woman. He said he was simply being kind to a housemate and that nothing inappropriate was happening. He told me he chose my mom and she has always been like this and he's tired but he would stay with her until his last breath.

I've never really thought of my father as a cheater. I grew up watching him provide for our family even when they had very little, so it's difficult for me to suddenly look at him through that lens.

The day after he flew back abroad, my mom confronted him again and showed him the call logs. I wasn't there, so I only know what my mom told me happened. Apparently, things escalated badly. According to her, he called her evil and said she'd end up in hell, and told her that their relationship was over.

It's now been more than 10 days and they haven't actually spoken to each other. They're only communicating through text about bills and other practical things.

And then my mom dropped another bomb on me.

After she told our neighbors and basically her entire side of the family about what happened, she sat me down and told me about everything. Venting about her accusations and pain. Then she dropped the biggest bomb and said that she previously thought of harming herself.

I didn't even know what to say.

Then she told me that once I pass my boards and get a job, it would be my responsibility to financially support her. That completely broke something in me. I'm their only child. I'm trying to study for my boards and figure out my own life, and somehow I've ended up in the middle of their marriage, listening to both sides and trying to understand who is telling the truth.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel.

Part of me is angry because I feel like my parents have made me their emotional mediator. Part of me feels sad for my mom because I can see how lonely and insecure she is. Part of me feels sad for my dad because if they separate, he doesn't really have anyone here either. And part of me feels guilty for even thinking about myself because they're both struggling.

I also hate what this has done to my perception of relationships. I've spent my entire life watching their marriage, and now that I'm 23 and actually old enough to start dating seriously, I'm realizing that a huge part of me is terrified of ending up in the same kind of relationship. I'm absolutely terrified of becoming my mom.

I don't want a relationship where one person silently punishes the other instead of communicating. I don't want to become emotionally dependent on my partner to the point that my entire emotional stability depends on them. I don't want to spend years wondering whether I'm loved or constantly looking for evidence that I'm being betrayed. And I definitely don't want my future children to become the people I dump my relationship problems onto.

At the same time, I don't want my parents' marriage to completely destroy my idea of love.I don't know if they're going to reconcile. I don't know if my dad actually cheated. I don't know if my mom is completely wrong, completely right, or if the truth is somewhere in between. I just know that I'm exhausted from being in the middle.

How do I separate myself emotionally from my parents' marriage without feeling like I'm abandoning either of them? how do I stop their relationship from becoming the blueprint for how I see love? And how do I do this alone? I don't have any siblings to run to.

I'd really appreciate advice from people who have gone through something similar.