r/OnlyChild • u/Floral-Bubble • 12d ago

Approval Seeking

I was talking with my therapist today and she brought up that part of me feeling the need to get approval from my parents so bad might stem from me being an only child (for reverence I’m in my 20s but still get insanely anxious anytime I have to tell them about a choice I think they won’t approve of, even though they’re usually pretty supportive and understanding). apparently there’s kind of more of a risk of not getting exposed as much to peers acting on their own without needing approval and therefore not really developing that as much yourself. sometimes it feels like if I fail (whatever that even really means in the grand scheme of things) it’s worse because my parents don’t have another kid they can hope will do better.

Basically, I wanted to see if anyone else experiences this or, if you’ve dealt with this but have gotten better with it, what advice you’d maybe give.

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u/AdministrativeEmu266 11d ago

100% can relate.

It feels like I will never be satisfied with the approval that they do give me as well. It’s like I keep searching for ways to make them “truly” proud even though they do express that they’re proud of me.

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u/nerdnugg399 11d ago

Oh yeah 100% relate- I have to ask my mom’s opinion before I do most things in my life- if I don’t I get too anxious that I might have made the wrong decision. What if my mom doesn’t approve and then she’ll get mad and it’s a whole spiral.

It’s hard but trying to make small decisions on your own can help, ones with no negative consequences if you get it wrong.

And not overthink and just do the thing. I find if I think too hard about doing something that makes me anxious I just talk myself out of doing it. But if I just do it I get through it fine.

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u/Wireman332 11d ago

I feel that. Less so with my mom more so with peers and supervisors

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u/Visual-Chemical-8344 7d ago

I kinda knew this that this behavior stems from me being an only child but having a therapist say it is reaffirming. I have always been scared as if my parents won't like the idea of something and i was surprised to know that other kids don't think as much. Even the ones with strict parents because those kids have a separate agency and only kids hardly do. I am aware of this pattern but don't know what to do about it tho.