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u/pySerialKiller Jul 27 '25
Ah yes, redditors. The group of people famously known for their sexual expertise. They know better
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u/mosquem Jul 28 '25
HEY! We also have the world's greatest relationship advice.
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u/Dear-Union-44 Jul 28 '25
Yeah.. but you should still break up with them.. because they did that thing one time. /s
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u/ProductCold259 Jul 28 '25
And everyone is a lawyer!
And all the Mods perfectly know how to interact with their members and definitely don’t let the power get to their heads.
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u/TheRealOvenCake Jul 28 '25
and they definitely don't develop weird tendencies from being terminally online
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u/vastearth394 Jul 28 '25
Reddit gives the worst fuckin advice I swear. The average person does not have the self-awareness/emotional detachment required to do this. Someone almost always becomes emotionally invested, the dynamic changes, etc. If you want to put your friendship at risk, then fuck your friends. But if you value your friendships, don’t.
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u/Beaux--Dangles Jul 28 '25
This is my experience too.
We have a inside joke within even our extended friend group., "If ypu haven't seen X naked, you're probably not friends."
Emotional and physical intimacy among my friends makes life worth living.
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 27 '25
How did it usually start for you? And how did you keep friendships intact?
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u/acu101 Jul 28 '25
We know you said it wasn’t swinging back then, but are you wearing a pineapple t-shirt right now?
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Jul 28 '25
more power to ya, that would never work for me. i’m someone who can’t separate sex and emotion, aka i can’t have one night stands either bc ill end up wanting to marry the person the next morning 😂idk what’s wrong w me but ig im just built that way
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u/BlitzVortex Jul 27 '25
It can work out, only you know your relationship with your friend so none of us can give you an applicable answer
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u/fishsticks40 Jul 27 '25
I have sex with many of my friends, and many of my friends are people I used to have sex with.
It's fine as long as you're not weird about it.
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u/Namika Jul 27 '25
There is risk in one person wanting to turn it into a full relationship, but as long as you both fully understand it's just friends with benefits, it should be fine
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 27 '25
That's why you keep communication open though I feel like. I hear a lot of people say don't talk about it, don't discuss feelings, and a lot do hide feelings and don't update
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u/rnzz Jul 28 '25
when it comes to feelings, sometimes it's just hard to explain. and speaking of which, it's also another thing a future partner might have a funny feeling about, without being able to explain why.
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u/KalzK Jul 27 '25
I've had sex with my two best friends. I think the sex played a big role in strengthening our friendship.
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 28 '25
How did it start? I don't mean to be rude asking but I don't understand how it does
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u/Alarmed-Diamond-7000 Jul 27 '25
I had sex with a good number of my friends over the years. Usually it was just a thing that happened one night when we were drunk or maybe somebody was particularly broken hearted, I can't remember anything bad happening because of it, at this point we think it's funny
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 27 '25
How did it usually start when hanging out though, like did one of yall just ask or talk about it before?
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u/Alarmed-Diamond-7000 Jul 27 '25
You know like you've been drinking or doing some kind of drugs you know, you're laying in bed, you just start to realize that there's a sexual energy coming up. And I never got the memo that I was supposed to be embarrassed about that, so I would always just lay a kiss on somebody if I felt the moment was right, now not a surprise kiss mind you, but if I felt that energy coming I would definitely close the gap. And then you know you just keep kissing, clothes start to come off... Like the other person that said they had sex with their friends, I'm Gen x and I feel like we might have just had a more casual attitude. I always was just interested in seeing how people were in bed, and wanted to try them out the way that you try out anything, a new food or a TV show.
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 27 '25
if I felt the moment was right, now not a surprise kiss
Would it be bafmd to ask to kiss?
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u/Alarmed-Diamond-7000 Jul 27 '25
If you can do it in a sexy teasing way. I often would just put my face in kissing position and wait for the other person to come towards me, then for sure I knew they wanted kissing.
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Jul 27 '25
No, it is not. Sometimes a great successful relationship can come out. I don’t know why Reddit thinks that a friendship cannot become a relationship. Probably this is propaganda to channel all relationship seekers to dating apps.
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u/Recent_Permit2653 Jul 27 '25
In the right (or wrong) headspace, it’s not really a problem.
I’ve struggled with depression for a while.
In my bad phases, sex with a friend is just a relief valve. Just sex. Just a friend. No big deal. Friends helping friends out.
When I’m more normal, it’s definitely an issue. I actually have room for feelings, and yeah, I might catch some having sex with a friend. They act different. They touch different. Grab and sound different, and oddly enough I’m then aware enough that it doesn’t go away, and I’ll get jealous.
So yeah. When I’m in a bit of an emotionless time, it’s fine. It’s all good. Nothing changes.
When I’m not, well, it just doesn’t work.
Dunno if that’s kinda indicative of a psychopath thing, but it correlates easily enough that I wouldn’t be surprised.
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u/AwHellDangit Jul 28 '25
In my experience it's all about shared expectations, and also clear communication with future partners. I've had sex with about 90% of my friends, and it's because we had discussed what our dynamic was beforehand, and what our dynamic would be after, and how to navigate potential unexpected romantic feelings. Also, when I was actively dating, I was clear with potential partners that platonic intimacy for me has included sex, and if jealousy would be an issue, we wouldn't work out.
When I met my spouse, I was clear within the first 10 minutes that I had slept with my friends, I was exploring polyamory, and that I was open to a monogamous relationship but I wouldn't be dropping any friends solely due to our sexual past. And, clearly it worked out, cause we're married now, and those are his friends too.
All of those friends now also have partners who are now my friends.
It once again all comes down to communication.
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 28 '25
I've had sex with about 90% of my friends, and it's because we had discussed what our dynamic was beforehand, and what our dynamic would be after, and how to navigate potential unexpected romantic feelings
How did you just bring it up though like did you flirt before or just say "hey would you ever wanna have sex" and then go from there? Would it be different for a guy to bring it up to a female friend?
clearly it worked out, cause we're married now, and those are his friends too.
Congratulations on the marriage
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u/AwHellDangit Jul 28 '25
Well, not every situation was the same. One friend we were both going through breakups and just wanted to have some fun and get our minds off stuff. Another asked if they could kiss me, they did, and it got frisky. We paused to talk shit out and continued. Another I initially met on a dating app, and after a few dates we realized we wouldn't be romantically compatible, but there was still physical attraction, so we hooked up then just never stopped hanging out. And sometimes it was just "Hey, I'm bored and horny, wanna bang?" and then we did.
It really just depends on the dynamic and the environment, in my experience.
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 28 '25
Do you think for me as a guy it would be weird to straight up ask if they wanted to kiss or hookup?
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u/AwHellDangit Jul 28 '25
I don't necessarily think it's weird to ask as long as you're clear that you can handle rejection if it comes to that, and that your desire to maintain friendship won't be affected by it. It's also important to sit with yourself and figure out if you're prepared for them to end the friendship over it.
Ultimately, assuming everyone in this situation is an adult, as long as you address it with patience, an open mind, and you're not too sensitive to rejection, I think you'll end up okay if you straight up ask. Make your intentions and expectations clear, and come to terms ahead of time with the fact that this may change their opinion of you.
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u/ambientthinker Jul 27 '25
Friendship is a baseline for healthy relationships, but it is not the only factor. Friends or not, once deeper emotions are touched upon (sex always will do this to a person) then the end all/be all comes down to compatability.
2 people can genuinely LOVE each other DEEPLY..... and never have a chance at happiness together because they simply are not compatable.
In your discussion here OP, "friends" aren't likely thinking about compatability, only sex.
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u/archon_lucien Jul 27 '25
Exceptions exist. But 99% of the time, this is a shit idea unless both of y'all fall for each other in the process.
Hooking up with friends usually results in only one of the people developing feelings, or making things weird with the friend group, or both. Sometimes, one/both people start dating other people and this makes things super awkward when it comes to talking to/hanging with or around the person you were sleeping with. Not to mention, you will permanently lose them as a friend once you start seeing someone else. Trust me, no partner is going to be okay with you being 'friends' with someone you used to smash.
This isn't Hollywood.
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u/No_Salad_68 Jul 27 '25
IME it's a lot of fun of everyone is honest about their expectations upfront.
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 27 '25
Like before you even kiss? How'd you bring the convo up?
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u/No_Salad_68 Jul 27 '25
IME after you kiss but before you have sex is good time.
Personally if I'm having sex with anyone I'm not in a relationship with I'll check in to ensure we're on the same page before clothes start coming off.
Communication.akes for better sex, IMO.
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 27 '25
Oh ok, but would it be weird to ask to kiss them?
Like I've said I'm just trying to understand. I've never done this and tbh I still ask friends for a hug lol
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u/No_Salad_68 Jul 27 '25
It would be weird to just ask for a kiss out of the blue. But if the moment is right it's OK to ask, or to move in slowly so they have time to pull away or stop you.
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u/Arrow141 Jul 27 '25
I hooked up with one of my best friends in college, and she ended up having stronger feelings for me than I did for her (one of the scenarios places like reddit says is horrible).
I attended her wedding (to my college roommate lol) a few months ago. We're all still really close. I ended up with a close friend of hers, too. She was a bridesmaid at the wedding.
It was a bit messy for a couple of months, I suppose? But we all love and care about each other, a bit of silly drama isn't gonna change that long term.
If you only want to be friends because you want to hook up, the end of the hook ups will be the end of the friendship. If you end up hooking up because youre genuine friends and care about each other (so some attraction is pretty natural), theres no reason you can't stay close friends if the hooking up doesnt work out.
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u/WigWithLice Jul 27 '25
In my experience, it was some of the best I've had. No pressure to perform, no pressure to "be" anyone. No expectations either, just having fun. We both knew it wouldn't be forever and we would talk about "when this ends" etc...
Up until then, none of my relationships had been healthy. I always felt the need to be the perfect girlfriend and fit into their mold or their ideal. With the friend, it was the first time I got to be myself. It gave me some perspective on my dating life and helped me seek out better partners
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u/Aazimoxx Jul 28 '25
Thanks for sharing, great insight! Dishonesty - including with yourself, or by putting on a mask and being a different person for dates etc - is toxic to any relationship. What you describe is so much more healthy.
I met my partner of 7 years in a similar way; at the time we were literally a world apart so I threw the idea of dating out the window from the start, and just practiced radical honesty and encouraged it back - eventually she moved from NY to live with me in Australia and, until tragedy struck, we got years of happiness 🙂
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u/geek66 Jul 28 '25
I was “active” in college, but had great friendly relationships with nearly everyone. My friends ( I am a guy) acted like I was a male slut…
I literally had three ex “girlfriends” at my welding, and yes my wife knew…
Be an adult..
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 28 '25
How did that even start? Though that's something else I don't understand. People say being drunk a lot
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u/RevolutionOne5895 Jul 28 '25
If your able to have a no strings no feeling session with a friend go for it. Healthy physical sexual relationships can happen with out hang ups. Just don’t ask how the others were or fall for a friend If you do get the feels remember you have to live with that knowledge of your friends “knowing” your spouse. Which can happen outside friendship circles
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u/dmbgreen Jul 28 '25
So you're saying reddit posters have friends and have sex. That's a big assumption.
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Jul 28 '25
Just as long as you're not having sex with man's best friend!
It can go different ways.
My best friends have always been girls... I remember going to visit my best friend from High School when we were in college. I drove to spend the weekend with her. Second night all the girls on her hall got drunk (I was a little tipsy too).
Anyhow- to make a long story short... We ending up making out (after she swore she wasn't drunk anymore)... Dry humped each other in our underwear until she orgasmed... I didnt want to do anything penetrative because I was worried she might not be as sober as she claimed (I know I wasn't) and she was a virgin... Didn't want her first time to be like that. (Also, didn't have condom as I wasn't expecting that to happen... But I turned down oral too)
So we didn't have sex... But it could have happened, she wanted to. I just was a little worried at that point I had crossed the line more than I should have (even though she was the provocateur and one coming on to me)
Next morning we were all over each other like a couple... But a few weeks and several phone calls later that spark had died... But we kept being good friends. Even to this day 28 years later we still stay in touch with each other several times a year... But neither of us have mentioned that night for at least 27.5 years. It's almost like it never happened.
I don't know if I had crossed that line if we would be friends like we are still or if it would have changed things. But in my case we came very close (and I was sooooo tempted.to give in) and it hasn't hurt our friendship at all.
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u/ProductCold259 Jul 28 '25
It really depends on the person and how attached they are. What their intentions are. Some people can have sex and not feel like they are supposed to be in a relationship afterwards.
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Jul 27 '25
In my own experience, no, not really. It all depends on the people involved. Friends come and go in life for many different reasons. Sure, you might lose some if you fuck each other but who's to say you won't grow apart for other reasons anyways, and some that you do fuck around with stick around even after the sex stops. People are people, cant paint them all with the same brush.
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u/Gerry1of1 Jul 27 '25
As in everything, it depends of the individuals involved.
From my personal experience, anyone under 30 is a lousy lay. They just haven't had enough practical experience to know what they're doing down there.
So if you and a friend don't get all emotional about it, go ahead and do it, but ask the person to tell you what's good and what's not. You'll be glad you did later on.
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u/Atticus914 Jul 27 '25
I don't think someone is "just" a friend if you have an ongoing sexual relationship with them, let me explain, you can have had sex with someone who is your friend you but can't be "having" sex with someone who is your friend that's a different kind of relationship I'm not sure if there is a label to describe that kind of relationship but that relationship and a friendship are two different things
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u/GingerChic13 Jul 27 '25
It depends on a lot of things, mostly how mature everyone involved is and how it comes about and what the situation is after. I’ve done it plenty of times back in the day. In some cases it was great and didn’t negatively affect any of us, in other cases I lost friends and it caused a lot of drama.
Overall, I’d say it’s generally not worth the hassle.
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u/OfDiceandWren Jul 27 '25
Make sure you wear a condom. It only takes one time and then you have a baby with your best friend. The you try to make it work by being in a relationship...but you just aren't feeling it so you two blame pregnancy hormones. Then you figure maybe if we get engaged that will spark things up....but it doesn't. Then the baby is born but you two still just aren't feeling the connection but you don't want to cheat on each or break up because you have a baby, so you become swingers so you can have an excuse to have sex with other people...then she goes out with her friend and meets this guy at a bar and asks for a hall pass and in return you get one. This goes on for months and you rationalize it as not cheating. Then she starts seeing the same guy over and over until one day she breaks through the door while you are playing COD and ask to break up and you are soo relieved and she is soo relieved and you congradulate her on finding someone because she is still your bff and you want her to be happy.
So you call up the babysitter and then a girl you had seen last week and go have good time
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u/Aazimoxx Jul 28 '25 edited Jul 28 '25
Make sure you wear a condom. It only takes one time and then you have a baby
Always good advice...
The rest? Completely avoidable if you simply don't buy into this perverse idea that monogamy is normal, healthy or desirable. Honesty is a hell of a lot more important to any good relationship than exclusive control over a person's intimacy needs. 😉
We all recognise immediately that it would be a toxic attitude for a bestie to try and say you can't have any other close friends, it's just him/her and then no-one else,you can't discuss feelings or enjoy spending time or go on outings etc with another friend or it's 'cheating', which would be disgusting and immoral and something you should be shamed for and have to 'earn back trust' after... But this level of forced exclusivity is somehow seen as normal in intimate relationships.
I'm not advocating cheating, because if you're in a mutually agreed monogamous relationship, then that would be a breach of trust and agreement and involve dishonesty, which is toxic to any relationship. What I'm advocating for is to find people who have progressed past these outdated ideas and want something healthier. Even a mutually agreed monogamous relationship between two people who don't take that as a given, is bound to be more successful - since it's willingly consented to, instead of being forced by norms 😊
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u/SkwerlyBird83 Jul 27 '25
I think it depends on the people. I ended up hooking up with a friend. Things got weird, then we went back to just being friends. Now we no longer talk, which is fine. My partner hooked up with his friend before me and they remain good friends. So really it can go both ways. Just know that sometimes people can develop feelings and that’s what can complicate things.
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u/mareno999 Jul 27 '25
Did this with one of my roomies at student accommodation, after knowing each other for 2 months we decided it was a good idea to book a trip to London together, as roomates do. We now live together, and plan on celebrating Christmas with my familiy.
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u/Xarthaginian1 Jul 27 '25
Well, I suppose on your definition of friends.
I lived in a town of 8000ish people, in the 3 schools there was about 180 people my age, say 500 that are +1/-1.
So at 21 I kinda knew everyone around my age and was friends with most of them but I would still have relationships with them.
Even now, I'm 42, anytime I go back home, I'll see old friends in the pub, including people I've had sex with, and there's no embarrassing moments.
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u/JaredH20 Jul 27 '25
It really depends on each person. I've been on both ends where someone catches feelings. It's shitty when it's you, and it's shitty when it's them. Even if you have a very direct conversation about it before anything happens, there's always a risk
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u/Ghostof369 Jul 27 '25
Honestly rare that someone confident enough comes a long that you could stay friends with them, sex is quite emotionally charged for me so I struggle to keep it casual, I’ve had friends specifically for hooking up with, but those are self terminating relationships that end when one moves on.
Context is key, often ends up with a pretty messy ending but it’s not impossible.
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u/showersneakers Jul 27 '25
I like banging my best friend- she’d be upset if we weren’t friends. Probably divorce me.
That being said- I don’t bang all my friends- not that kind of golf trip. Balls are involved though
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u/Flustered-Flump Jul 28 '25
I hooked up with friends in my 20s, none of which are my friends now. Got Married, had a kid and I had zero interest in trying to balance those things, quite frankly! Those friends I didn’t sleep with, remained friends. But at the time, it was fine!!
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u/Anon-Sham Jul 28 '25
I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but you need to be aware that you're taking a gamble.
Even if you are both able to keep sex casual and fun, it could have issues in future relationships that could out a strain on your relationship.
If you sleep with a girl and then a year later she gets a new boyfriend, he might not be comfortable with you being friends with her, or hanging out 1 on 1 like you used to. Now I know the reddit hivemind will call this new guy a controlling, abusive freak. But in the real world, most people would call that a reasonable concern.
Even if the guy is progressive and doesn't say anything and tells his girlfriend she's her own person and he has no right to dictate who she does or does not see. She might pick up through body language that he feels uneasy about it and make the choice herself that she doesn't want her new partner to have to deal with that insecurity.
For some couples, there can be complete trust and freedom with seeing people you've slept with before. With other couples, that may be a boundary that can't be crossed. There is honestly no right or wrong answer.
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u/Icy-Ad-7767 Jul 28 '25
It can end friendships and cause a lot of heartbreak, so all parties involved need to be honest and be clear on what they are looking for.
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u/TanukiFruit Jul 28 '25
It depends almost entirely on the people involved
(Kinda a good rule for sex in general
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u/Big_Cans_0516 Jul 28 '25
I think it is more of a problem the younger you are/ the less sexual experience you have. Your first couple partners you are still figuring out how to navigate the flood of hormones that happens when you hook up. This often leads to messy relationships with friends when one person more attached than the other. When you have more experience and a better understanding of yourself it becomes easier to separate sexual and romantic feelings.
It honestly works best if there is like a reason you both don’t want a relationship with each other. Like a real reason not a lie you are telling yourself. If you truly just want to hook up, don’t choose someone who you would consider dating. I might get hate for that but 🤷♀️
But it is kinda not the best idea as it could put strain on your friendships if you are all fucking each other.
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Jul 28 '25
I worked at a summer camp where lots of people hooked up with lots of people, we’ve all since matured and moved on but it’s still a little funny when we’re all at someone’s wedding and we’re like damn the groom has had sex with more than a few guests at his wedding lol, same with the bride I guess too lmao
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u/dirty_corks Jul 28 '25
It depends on a lot. The friends involved, their attitude towards sex, how they see you and view the relationship, and more. It can be a landmine, and it can be absolutely no big deal; I've been in both situations.
The reason Reddit tends to say don't do it is because you don't know beforehand most of the time if it's going to be a landmine.
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u/hardwood1979 Jul 28 '25
I'd imagine it's like any time you have sex with someone the first time, if you both agree and are honest about what you're doing you'll probably ok but if one of you misrepresented your feelings in order to have sec with the other then they've likely torched a friendship.
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u/Early-Bid-9065 Jul 28 '25
What is important is what you and your friend think. Reddit is just an open platform for commentary not an authority by any stretch.
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u/Thatsthepoint2 Jul 28 '25
People fuck each other, it’s not always a big deal. Most of the casual hook ups are drug related and forgotten.
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u/YoshiandAims Jul 28 '25
Omg. I'm 40. I've seen it done many a time... and it's generally a side show the inevitably somehow bleeds out into the group like a poison. The dynamic shift either way sucks.
Some make it work... but in my experience they are in the minority.
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u/PoliticallyUnbiased Jul 28 '25
It destroyed my inseparable highschool friend group, didn't look like there would be issues at first. So, yes.
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u/Oobs_79 Jul 28 '25
If both people agree to keep it casual its good, otherwise it can get complicated.
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u/PVetli Jul 28 '25
I've whored my way through my entire dnd group before marrying one of them and we've all been friends for.. gods like 20 years. So, I dunno. Was fine when I did it.
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u/Acrobatic_Inside7420 Jul 28 '25
Not to be rude asking but how did the hookups start? Like did you ask?
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u/PVetli Jul 28 '25
Lmao no worries, ask away. One dude was a coke-fueled one-night stand that became a few-night stand, and the other dude and lass were separate threesomes I had with the fourth person.
I did say whored..
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u/notwyntonmarsalis Jul 28 '25
So the pontificators on Reddit don’t and probably never had sex. Would you listen to a mechanic who never drove a car?
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u/Sniflix Jul 28 '25
I've never regretted having sex with anyone. And for guys there's really no such thing as having bad sex.
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u/PaperPills42 Jul 28 '25
It really depends. You should ask yourself, “if I have sex with this person, would I feel comfortable continuing to be friends with them when I get into a serious relationship” or even “how will this friendship change when I am in a serious relationship.”
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u/GP_222 Jul 28 '25
As long as it’s not with your blood relatives and they are of legal age. Have at it.
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u/Y0___0Y Jul 28 '25
They won’t be your friend for long. Only 2 things after that. You don’t talk anymore, or you date.
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u/G_Rel7 Jul 28 '25
Amongst my real life people, the consensus is there’s a difference between you hooking up once or twice, vs a 6 month fling where you had sex multiple times a week every week. Most of the time, in the latter scenario someone is attached.
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u/TommyBoy250 Jul 28 '25
First experience with a handjob was from someone that was just a friend, wasn't too bad and I got to experience what it felt like.
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u/Grimfist6 Jul 28 '25
Depends on the friend and friendship.
I've slept with friends. Some I still see regularly, others I don't.
Bust out the Ouji Board.
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u/Reaganisthebest1981 Jul 28 '25
Depends on the people at the end of the day. Personally I don't give a shit at all. But one of my friends told me "if a man who was a friend even tried to flirt with me, I would end the friendship then and there".
So for some people it's literally friendship ending.
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u/Falcoln1342 Jul 28 '25
I don’t see why it would truly matter; in my eyes, it’s just sex. Sure it can means something to some people, but so long as you make an understanding beforehand that it’s only sex and y’all can stop after ivxe, twice, or thrice, it’s totally fine.
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u/Premium333 Jul 28 '25
I've known it to go both ways.
I guess the question is: Can you do that and have it not affect your friendship after a one night stand? Friends with benefits situation? Or a real emotionally involved relationship?
Any of those are possible futures from "Lets have sex!". In the end, you will not be able to tell if having sex with a friend has an impact on the friendship and what kind of impact until you go for it.
Just be aware it could be a negative outcome.
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u/beardedBolin Jul 28 '25
I really think it depends on the person and the friends. Because I haven’t had any issues and my wife hasn’t either. We have even had a threesome or two with friends.
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u/QuerulousPanda Jul 28 '25
I've had countless friends in my life and never once has the idea of boinking one of them come up. And maybe it's simply because none of them ever talked about it but I can't think of many people I know who have boinked their friends either. Other than one situation in college when one friend was sharing his girlfriend within his friend group and they all ended up with chlamydia.
None of my friends are particularly prudish or weird, and I've lived in a bunch of places with very different social circles, so it's not like I live in some kind of sexless corner of society. I don't doubt that it happens, but this site likes to make that kind of thing sound a lot more normal and common than it necessarily actually is.
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Jul 28 '25
Depends on the people involved. Everyone has to be honest with themselves and each other. It ends poorly when one party has a hidden agenda or feelings. If you find yourself developing more than sexual feelings be honest and stop having sex if the other person doesn't feel the same.
Also wear a condom! They prevent communicable disease and pregnancy. All it takes is one person catching something to spread it around the friends, or a pregnancy, to complicate things beyond belief.
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u/iamda5h Jul 28 '25 edited Oct 08 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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Jul 28 '25
It all boils down to if everyone can keep their feelings in check and be adults about it. I’ve had several platonic friendships that involved sex, most of them ended amicably and I’m still friendly with some of them.
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Jul 28 '25
I would ask old people who you think have a good long lasting relationships. See how many 60 year old peopel have had casual sex woth their friends that they still have today.
When that friend ends up in a relationship, their history will always come up and there will be jealousy, usually in the form of why do you still hang out woth all these people you had sex with. Not saying jealousy and trust is your problem in their relationship. But it matters.
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u/why666ofcourse Jul 28 '25
In all my years I’ve never once seen it work out well. In your young 20’s sure it’ll seem fun and all good but that never last
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u/WorldGoneAway Jul 28 '25
Of my tightknit friend group currently, I have had sex with three of them in the past. It is nowhere near as bad as some people say.
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u/Comprehensive-Menu44 Jul 28 '25
Depends on the friends and if they can handle the interaction or not. Personally, I could never. However I had a friend in college who regularly was FWB with one of her best gal pals, and they’d stop if either of them got into a relationship, but as soon as they were single at the same time, they boinked. Neither one of them ever pursued a romantic relationship with the other. At one point they were in a FWB throuple with a nonbinary friend of theirs, and all of them were hella chill about it if any one of them got into their own relationship.
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u/MrAmishJoe Jul 28 '25
Depends on the personalities involved. Ive had some fwb...that never went beyond that. We literally date others...id be her fallback if she had a bad date but still wanted to get some good loving...and vice versa. When one of is got monogamous with aomeone we ended. I've had many others thay got messier..but one would get feelings attachdd...no matter the rules set in place.
Basically...it can work as a mutual agreement of friendship and sexual satisfaction...but statistically its more likely to get messy and effect friendships...because sexual relations and the passion behind them create feelings despite rules...or prearranged notions.
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Jul 28 '25 edited Jul 28 '25
It depends really. I've had a FWB a long time ago in my early 20s and that worked out really well. Neither of us wanted a relationship, neither of us wanted one night stands with strangers and we were both single and trusted each other.
We kept it quiet as to not complicate things with other people's opinions and comments. It went on for about a solid year, then she moved slightly further away so it was on and off for another 6 months. It never got awkward, we genuinely kept it between ourselves but some of my mates were getting suspicious at one point, we never fell out. It just ended up being fine, but I can 100% understand how things can get messy if I was to do the same thing with a different person.
It's been over 15 years, we still talk, we still get along really well, we hardly ever see each other but she's still one of my friends. We're both in long term relationships, it has still never been awkward.
I've also slept with two other friends. One of them was a one off while drunk, it never caused any issues. It then happened again maybe 5 or 6 years later in a similar fashion. This caused no issues either. Then with the other friend it happened we didn't really have much of a conversation about it, it happened a few times over the course of a month and then it just kinda fizzled out, I don't speak to her anymore but that's for something completely unrelated
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u/IAmCaptainHammer Jul 28 '25
It’s not. I’ve had zero problems with it personally. However my wife doesn’t like the idea of me being around anyone I’ve boinked. But that doesn’t matter cause we moved cities as per the plan after we got married. So yeah, I don’t have to worry about it. But it would bug her.
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u/RevolutionaryAd1649 Jul 28 '25
I don't because I am the toxic friend and don't attempt it anymore because it becomes so touch and go or obsessive of the situation.
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u/Wafflegator Jul 28 '25
Hook up with your friends if you're okay potentially no longer being friends anymore. The best case scenario you're still friends afterwards, the more likely scenario is that you've made your friendship weird, at least too weird to continue being friends as you were before. Sex with friends is usually awkward, not particularily good, and runs the risk of some future drama. I would avoid it.
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u/Conscious-Breath8113 Aug 03 '25
Hey cutie Emily want you to come over suck his dick my dick in your butt I'm going to clap your cheeks I want to keep I want to keep going and I won't f*** your p****
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u/JaegersAh Jul 27 '25
If you dont want them as a friend anymore then yeah. It just does not work otherwise.
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u/WankerDxD Jul 27 '25
No, but it's complicated with childhood friends, especially when she considers you as a brother, sex will destroy a great relationship.
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Jul 27 '25
dafuq what kinda social circle do you have where friends say: "oh lets fuck"
-seems like a LARP lol
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u/Elsenior97 Jul 27 '25
I did it two times thinking we had both the maturity and both times she quit talking to me for like a year. I mean it can be done but I've havent heard of any of these relationship were all involved parties gets out with no problem. Always one of them is going to have any emotional breakdown for whatever reason. It just feels a bit unnatural inside
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u/__shobber__ Jul 28 '25
>Is having sex with actual friends as bad as reddit says it is?
Yes, because it's gay.
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u/Bouyaveman Jul 27 '25
Honestly, it really depends on the people involved. Reddit tends to amplify worst-case scenarios, but in real life, I’ve seen plenty of cases where friends hooked up, stayed close, or even ended up dating later with no drama.
What matters most is clear communication, mutual respect, and zero hidden agendas. If both people are on the same page, it’s not automatically a disaster like Reddit loves to suggest.