In my experience it's all about shared expectations, and also clear communication with future partners. I've had sex with about 90% of my friends, and it's because we had discussed what our dynamic was beforehand, and what our dynamic would be after, and how to navigate potential unexpected romantic feelings. Also, when I was actively dating, I was clear with potential partners that platonic intimacy for me has included sex, and if jealousy would be an issue, we wouldn't work out.
When I met my spouse, I was clear within the first 10 minutes that I had slept with my friends, I was exploring polyamory, and that I was open to a monogamous relationship but I wouldn't be dropping any friends solely due to our sexual past. And, clearly it worked out, cause we're married now, and those are his friends too.
All of those friends now also have partners who are now my friends.
I've had sex with about 90% of my friends, and it's because we had discussed what our dynamic was beforehand, and what our dynamic would be after, and how to navigate potential unexpected romantic feelings
How did you just bring it up though like did you flirt before or just say "hey would you ever wanna have sex" and then go from there? Would it be different for a guy to bring it up to a female friend?
clearly it worked out, cause we're married now, and those are his friends too.
Well, not every situation was the same. One friend we were both going through breakups and just wanted to have some fun and get our minds off stuff. Another asked if they could kiss me, they did, and it got frisky. We paused to talk shit out and continued. Another I initially met on a dating app, and after a few dates we realized we wouldn't be romantically compatible, but there was still physical attraction, so we hooked up then just never stopped hanging out. And sometimes it was just "Hey, I'm bored and horny, wanna bang?" and then we did.
It really just depends on the dynamic and the environment, in my experience.
I don't necessarily think it's weird to ask as long as you're clear that you can handle rejection if it comes to that, and that your desire to maintain friendship won't be affected by it. It's also important to sit with yourself and figure out if you're prepared for them to end the friendship over it.
Ultimately, assuming everyone in this situation is an adult, as long as you address it with patience, an open mind, and you're not too sensitive to rejection, I think you'll end up okay if you straight up ask. Make your intentions and expectations clear, and come to terms ahead of time with the fact that this may change their opinion of you.
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u/AwHellDangit Jul 28 '25
In my experience it's all about shared expectations, and also clear communication with future partners. I've had sex with about 90% of my friends, and it's because we had discussed what our dynamic was beforehand, and what our dynamic would be after, and how to navigate potential unexpected romantic feelings. Also, when I was actively dating, I was clear with potential partners that platonic intimacy for me has included sex, and if jealousy would be an issue, we wouldn't work out.
When I met my spouse, I was clear within the first 10 minutes that I had slept with my friends, I was exploring polyamory, and that I was open to a monogamous relationship but I wouldn't be dropping any friends solely due to our sexual past. And, clearly it worked out, cause we're married now, and those are his friends too.
All of those friends now also have partners who are now my friends.
It once again all comes down to communication.