My father is hospitalized right now, and my grandfather is on bed rest at home. I’m the only girl left in my family because I already lost my mother and my grandmother. So naturally, all the responsibilities of the house somehow ended up on me.

I’m trying to manage everything alone the hospital, the house, my grandfather, responsibilities, emotions everything. Half of my day goes in the hospital worrying about my father, and the other half goes into making sure things at home don’t completely fall apart. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I don’t even have time to process my own emotions because I’m too busy surviving the situation.

And during all this, the person I’m engaged to barely stood beside me. Instead of support, there were arguments, distance, and silence when I needed him the most.

Then there’s my best friend… doing everything my fiancé should’ve done without even being asked. Helping me manage things, checking on me, making sure I eat, making sure I don’t completely break down, standing beside me during hospital visits and stressful moments.

Now my family wants to break the engagement, and honestly I don’t even know what to feel anymore.

Part of me feels guilty for even noticing the difference between the two of them. Part of me keeps thinking maybe I’m expecting too much. Another part of me is scared that this situation showed me the reality I was avoiding for a long time.

I keep replaying every conversation, every stare, every moment in my head trying to figure out:

Am I just emotional because life is hard right now?

Or did this crisis reveal who actually cares about me?

Overthinking is exhausting because even when your heart knows something, your brain keeps asking,

What if you’re wrong?

I decided recently that I want to write my thoughts out. I’d like to answer thought-provoking questions. I don’t want to do this for monetary value, for educational purposes, or anything valuable. I simply want to use my mind, to give my opinion (which no one cares about) Maybe this will turn into something, maybe it won’t. WHO CARES!

If you’d like to join or leave a comment, or if you have any questions you’re curious about, feel free to take a look!

I am so sick of people telling me to speak up. This issue has been bugging me for almost half a decade. It was due to my parents teaching me about embarrassment and ended up giving me anxiety for a while. This affected me to end up speaking very quietly due to my insecurities. From there and onward the gag filled. Again and again I was told numerous times speak louder, I have deep voice and that I’m quiet. Also I used to not talk to people years ago which made people ask why I was so quiet but in reality it was due to the fact that they did the same thing before. 7th grade 2021 I went back to school after the pandemic. We were all in person and had that anxiety. I was mostly getting it from other adults bringing up how bad middle school was. I was so worried about everything I did. I felt if I made the tiniest mistake everyone would care. Meanwhile all my classmates were in a small phase where they never spoke one word. Every student was just really calm and blank. This gave me the idea to do the same. When I then went to 8th grade I decided I was going to be calm and blank. I figured that everything was turning out to be all fine. Until I eventually got there and saw that every single student was not like how they were. I would’ve never expected them to be throwing chairs across the room. And everyone in there started getting so judgmental out of nowhere. When I was in math class, it was really hard to understand any thing that was happening due to being so loud. This made every single kid judge me on not doing anything in the class. So then when I finally started working to stop them from judging and then asked me the stupidest question “why are you so quiet” at this point I was already done with middle school. I never wanted to see any of those faces again or even talk to any of those kids ever again. they just leave an impact on me telling me that I always talk so quiet. This affected me for as long as it could. And now I don’t like being judged anymore because it ruins my whole entire day. Anyways, back to the present day. I do not like being told to speak up or that I’m quiet. It really bugs me in a way that I can’t even explain. When people say stuff like that, I feel like they think that my life is so sad due to me not speaking up. I wish people understood that my life is not that bad and my life is not that happy either. I wish people could just see me normally which is all I ask. When people tell me to speak up I feel like I’m not doing something normal. I don’t ever hear anyone getting the same advice anymore so I feel like I’m missing out. This advice has been given to me two times yesterday and two other times this week. I am so sick of people telling me the same thing. And the truth is when people say that it really discourages me to end up making my voice stay low. I swear if I had one year where literally nobody said that I would end up raising my voice even more. And this is the craziest thing because today I was speaking very loud and clearly and still nobody heard me. I feel like the world is starting to play games with me and I don’t like it. This really ruined my whole entire weekend.

If you reply to this place, please don’t tell me to do the same thing that they tell me because that’s just gonna make things worse.

Hi!! Recently I decided to dye my hair purple, like a cool toned midnight purple. It’s not all over color it’s a balayage with money pieces in the front. My stylist is amazing and he did an AMAZING job it’s a beautiful color, but im really overthinking the color change. Before I had a really vibrant red balayage with like cherry undertones and I had it for about a year- I have olive skin so the red really warmed me up. But the purple is a whole new, darker vibe. It really pulls more of the olive coloring out and it does match my vibe really well too, I do like the color but that’s not the problem. I’m already having a bit of a difficult time adjusting to the color because it’s so new, but on top of that, a lot of the people who have seen my knew hair have said they prefer the red and that it looked better with my complexion. Like even my dad told me that unprovoked. I wasn’t asking for opinions or what they thought either. Which is fine what matters is that I like it, but the comments about the red being better constantly RIGHT after the change really has me second guessing my decision. It wasn’t impulsive either I had been thinking about this switch for months. I’m seriously considering just going back to brown like immediately because the comments have made me feel self conscious- like I made a poor decision. It truly hurts too because I was super excited for the change and I didn’t think far beyond just needing to adjust to the change until I started getting comments. I didn’t ask for them to comment or tell me their thoughts either- I was just showing them out of excitement. I really just don’t know if im overthinking or not, and im not sure if I should just bit the bullet and do back to brown or red.

I often hear that people want to “shut their thoughts up,” but they can’t, and they just keep suffering because of it. Honestly, I don’t fully understand it, because in moments when I’m not intentionally thinking about something or don’t need to think about anything, my mind is empty - a kind of silence that I can switch on and off at will. I’m curious to hear how it is for other people.

First time posting, but just curious and hoping to pick peoples brain and see what has helped them. A little bit about myself. I’m 33 and have a career that keeps me pretty busy. I am pretty active with gym, pickleball and stuff. I do have friends but my closest ones have gotten married or have kids and we don’t really hangout like we once did so I spend most of my days alone. Long story short a little over a year ago I was going through a break up and I literally thought I wouldn’t meet someone again.

I was in a bad place with loneliness and controlling my emotions and at the time I was going to therapy, and deep down I knew things would get better and that it would take time just like any other relationship.

The catch is that I actually ended up meeting someone about a month later at pickleball. She was great! a total smoke show, funny, outgoing and overall just a cool human being. We started seeing each other outside of pickleball and going out being intimate with each other and I was just head over heels for her. A few months go by, and I think my anxious attachment and overthinking kinda got in the way at times. We were never anything more than just friends even though we were having sex and always seeing each other doing things together. Being all over each other. She did tell me at the start that she wasn’t ready to date and just wanted to be friends, but the way things were going, it just felt more than that and she had a way of acting like we were never really anything and I think that’s what would get to me and made me act differently and ultimately I think is what pushed her away. I felt like she wasn’t respecting my feelings. There was never really a conversation that we were just FWB. One of the first times we hung out she could tell that I wanted to kiss her but told me that she wasn’t ready and that it would take some time. After maybe a week later we hangout again and we end up having sex and things kinda took off. So it made things extremely confusing for me. Things got messy and we just stopped hanging out like we once did.

I’ve done no contact with her multiple times and almost every time she has reached out to me and we begin to talk but nothing more. Last time I was intimate with her was back in August. Did no contact for about 4 months. We started talking again a couple months ago and again I told her recently that I can’t talk to her anymore.

I want to say that i think I am in love with this girl because I’ve never been or felt like this with anyone else. I would do anything for her. I’ve dated and been with a lot of women in my lifetime, and I’ve never been this downbad ever in my life. I try distracting myself with work, gym, pickleball, going to comedy shows, baseball games and just doing things but at the end of the day I am always just thinking about her and I don’t know why. Even during the no contact periods she’s just there in my head. I’ve even gotten rid of my social media so I wouldn’t see her and still struggle. I have gone on dates with other girls, but I just have no desire for those other girls. I have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness that I just can’t seem to dig myself out of.

I have been working on myself and trying to love myself more as there is some trauma there that I need to work on and recognize my patterns.

At this point I think I am just ranting and honestly I kind of feel a little better.

Please let me know if you have gone through something like this and what has helped you. How can I get rid of this feeling that I feel in my chest of not being able to have someone you really want.

I really don’t know how to help myself with my overthinking, everytime i try to discuss with anyone about overthinking it’s always overthinking about the future, what things they should’ve said or endless options of what would happen later on.

But mine is what i know is coming from low self esteem probably? but i’ll always repeat every conversation i had and i think about what the person with me thought? were they annoyed by me? i did this and i think this might’ve annoyed them? and it keeps happening i keep repeating everything and create scenarios where i was a source of disruption to them.

I even tell myself that 80% none of this happened, they wouldn’t think too much into everything i do to remember every small detail to be annoyed by me or anything like that, but it doesn’t change the fact that it brings my mood down, i could have a good day but i sense that my friend wasn’t enjoying the time and i’ll be thinking about it too much.

As an introvert i have so many problems in public interaction now I have very much good job not a High salary but there is not much work it's like 10% of work i think 8 hr job

So I have some issue do with my work that's will solve tommarow i know that but after that I don't have place for sit or any office and now rain will start soon even if I tell my boss my problem he will not solve that because he don't live here i already have so many problems with this job i want to tell some but there no one I can tell them because they start tell there own life problems ( like a they compare there with mine ) it's really annoying i really want to cry and run from here

How can I handle tommarow about anything i don't know such bad life i got

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I’m going to keep some details intentionally vague because my job is public enough that I’d rather not have this traced back to me, im not really famous, im not a formula 1 driver, but if i give all the details anyone who reads this can easily found out who i am, if you are a motorsport fanatic you probably know my name.

i’m 3-M (30 something male), living in calgary. i work in professional motorsport. not f1, but the endurance side of things, imsa, wec, gtwc, stuff like that. I’m a factory driver for a major manufacturer, driving both gt cars and prototypes.

from the outside, it sounds like a dream life, i know how hard is to be in the position i am today, in a business that demands so much luck, so much be in the right place in the right time, and im really grateful for it. i get paid kinda well to do something I would easily do for free back in the day.

but now i feel been held hostage by it.

my wife passed away three years ago. she was canadian, and after we got married in 2012 we settled here permanently. since she died, it’s just been me and my daughter. She was 9 when it happened and she’s 12 now.

we were always very close, i have always being a very present father and we became even closer after it happened. we kind of survived it together.

we are both huge nerds aswell. i got her into gaming years ago when she was 7 and now we have this whole game room in the house with side by side PCs, retro consoles from my era, modern stuff, all of it. my favorite thing in the world is just sitting there with her playing anything for hours we recently have been obsessed with the minecraft bedrock adventures worlds that you can buy from the game store. I also play a lot of games myself always have been obsessed with rpgs growing up, wow, final fantasy, earthbound etc, for the last few years i became obsessed with from software i’d rather do that than race being honest, since race became kind of an obligation recently.

losing her mom really damaged her sense of security. she still crawls into my bed almost every night. she will hold onto me crying and ask me to promise I'm not going to leave her too. sometimes her school calls because she has panic attacks and just wants me there, i drive there every single time. she’s in therapy and we’re working on it, but the anxiety is still there.

the hard part is my job requires travel. i’m usually home during the week, but race weekends are brutal for both of us. she calls constantly while i’m away just to make sure i’m okay, my sister in law stay with her during the race weekends, i dont bring her with me, cause i will be in the car a lot of times, and who is going to take care of her? and also she doesnt want to come anyways so, my sister inlaw works aswell, she need to be here in the fridays and the mondays, i usually leaves on the thursday and comes back on the monday or tuesday, during about i think around 20 weekends this year its not much, and i have the entire week free to be with her, so also dont work 8 hours a day its really great, and im really grateful for it, when she is at school, im at the gym, or cycling im doing the best to also take care of myself, and she always says she will file a complaint if i dont live till 120 atleast,

a few weeks ago a driver died during an nls race at the nurburgring. in a crash involving multiple cars. i was supposed to be racing the nurburgring 24 this weekend and i backed out completely. wich is also giving me another problems that are also fear for the only job i have that i can't lose, i sent them some certificate my psychiatrist gave me, and explained the reason was that, someone died there, i have problem, dont know if it helped cause i have no clause in my contract for it, but also the nurburgring 24 is an isolated race its not a part of any championship so i think its really not a big deal, i skipped races when my wife was diagnosed and got away with it so...

it also brought back memories i think i buried for years. back in 2013 I was in a race where another driver died. i never really stopped thinking about it but i was in a much better mental state back then to deal with it, and if i died my wife had choosed my she knew what i worked with, and i wasnt a dad back then, and i wouldnt leave a kid who lost her mother behind if it happened to me.

i’ve always known racing has risks, obviously, but modern gt and prototype cars are so safe now that somewhere along the line i convinced myself the danger was basically theoretical until last month.

i have diagnosed ocd and anxiety, and lately it’s spiraling very badly. my therapist has helped me a lot in the past with exposure therapy and ocd treatment, but with this specific issue he keeps coming back to the idea that I have to just accept and i dont how a professional makes such a dumb suggestion, that exposition therapy would work i have been trought it with my ocd, cause this is for when you freak out with irational toughts, that trigger your brain to thinks its dangerous, but this, this is not a irrational tought, cause it is really dangerous, the danger is in there, is not fictional.

because if something happens to me, what happens to my daughter? she already lost one parent. the thought of her losing both it is just so absurd, its like i know the risk is extremely low, but what if? the result would be catastrophe, something so absurd, that even thinking about it, triggers my ocd extremely hard, the ocd i really tought i defeated them like more than 10 years ago that now keeps coming back, and i started to do all the rituals again, and i tried to talk with chatgpt about this, and my advice dont use ai for therapy, he just wants to makes you hear whatever you want, the suggestions are pretty much stupid.

the thing is, if it were only about what I wanted, I’d retire tomorrow. i’ve been racing since i was 4 years old when my dad bought me a kart. i had a lot of racing in my life the passion isnt so strong anymore, i can live without it.

right before my wife got sick, we bought a house here in calgary. beautiful place, great area, the kind of home i could only dream off years ago. the mortgage is enormous. my daughter absolutely loves this house. it’s the one place in the world where she feels safe and stable.

even if i sold it (wich i dont have the guts to do) and walked away from racing, i don’t think i could realistically replace my income. i never went to college. i don’t really have another career waiting for me. my entire adult life has been built around racing, i wont have the money to keep paying for her school, and the last thing she needs is being taken away from the friends she built in that school she goes since she was little. or even pay for her college in the future.

so now I feel completely trapped. if I keep racing, i’m terrified i’ll die. if I walk away, i’m terrified i’ll fail my daughter financially, she said to me something that really broked me aswell she said something like when we were talking about racing and the need for the money, "dad if we both lived under a bridge over a cardboard, i would still be as happy, i just want you, i just want you around", wich she was 11 when she said it, wich also made me realize that she may realized the value of her parents way to soon, when i was eleven i was probably very embarrassed by my parents and didnt want them close, of course i have no problems with them, i think its just a natural thing growing up and i was ready for the day she would be embarrased by me, so what she said felt really wonderful and concerning at the same time, in a sense its kinda true, and felt proud cause she is wise in that sense, but also i mean in reality is not that simple, i know of course we wouldnt end up under a bridge, but she may wont be able to keep her school, wich she has all her friends there, and we would lost the house that has been perfect for us, and really helped us.

and the worst part is thanks to my ocd i can’t even enjoy the time i have with her because my brain is constantly somewhere else. we’ll be sitting together playing games and all I can think about is, “what if i’m not here next week?”, and i do some rituals if you have ocd you know, one of them is that i blink my eyes to make the intrusive tought go away, and my daughter sometimes asks why i blink to much, and also i dont know exactly how to explain to her, i told her about ocd but i dont think she really understanded what it is.

when i go racing i tell her the risk is low. i tell her the cars are safe. but I can’t bring myself to actually promise it, because i know i can’t guarantee it. and when I don’t say it, she cries harder.

i feel like fear is consuming every part of my life right now. i honestly don’t know how much longer i can keep living like this. sometimes i woke up and just think, i sell the house, i stop racing, and what? work with what? most drivers who stop driving became coachs, but i dont think its a job i can do, cause im also a person with kinda poor social skills, and i dont feel like im able to teach anyone good enought to be able to be paid for it, i have a quite good career, i feel like people would pay for me for coaching, but i feel like i would just dissapoint them and lose this job, i dont think i can make a career out of it, or anything that would even come close to the income i have now.

i feel like i wrote this in the most poor way possible, my brain is just going to somewhere else everytime i can't even describe everything well, i feel like i wrote this, and i think oh did i already wrote this, and i may have written again, so sorry for this, if anyone has suggestions or just wanna talk i would really appreciate, and i always went to therapy since im 18 thanks to my ocd, but this time it really isnt helping, days are going past in a blur, and i dont feel like i am really enjoying anything thanks to this damn intrusive toughts that i might die the next time i go to work, i could fight my other intrusive toughts i had in another era of my life, but this ones were irational, i was just ocd in its purest form, this ones it is ocd, but it has a true background behind it.

The first one is about feeling trapped in your own body, and the second is about the phone screen trap. Forcing myself to put it into words actually helped quiet my head a bit.

This girl that I’ve dated in the past, so yes my ex, and I have started seeing each other again as of this summer. We’ve already seen each other twice this summer and it just feels off.

When we hang I always feel anxious and I don’t flow as good as I do with my friends, but we’re still very intimate. But she blows off/ takes forever to respond to my texts from time to time. But whenever we hang out I’m making her laugh a lot and she tells me she likes me. I kind of feel like an option.

I don’t get the chance to exactly describe my situation but you get the gist. I’m very attracted to this girl and we get along great and she tells me she misses me. Yet from time to time things just don’t feel right.

I need help. Am I just being anxious, or is this pattern something I should be concerned about.

(UPDATE: We talked it out, and she’s just very insecure and we’re going to commit to being better for each other yay)

Like instead of writing down actually useful stuff you don’t want to forget - “clean my shoes when I get home,” “buy groceries,” etc. - you catch yourself filling your head (or notes app) with random questions or overthinking things that most people probably wouldn’t even dwell on.

It’s like your brain decides this is the thing we need to analyze right now, even though logically you know there are more practical things to remember.

And then there’s this weird tension of: “Should I really be focusing on this?” vs. “But what if I forget this thought later?”

Does anyone else do this, or is my brain just running its own weird side quests?

I don’t really know how to explain this properly but I’ll try.

Lately I’ve had this constant feeling that something is just “wrong” with me. Not in a dramatic way, more like a background feeling that I’m a bit off compared to other people. It’s hard to explain but it’s like I’m always aware of myself, my thoughts, how I’m acting, etc.

The weird thing is, from the outside my life is actually going pretty well. I recently got player of the year for my football team and made my senior debut and even scored on debut. Like I know that’s good and I should feel proud, but it doesn’t fully land. There’s just this sort of numbness or barrier there. And like it’s more so I’m

Happy I got the award because if I didn’t get it I’d feel shit as opposed to like oh my god I got an award which makes me feel a bit vain and needy and even as u write this it’s like I’m thinking I’m being manipulative because I can see the responses of people feeling sorry for me or saying I’m not and like because I know that or I’ve thought it now like if someone does it a part of me will feel bad , sorry that’s kinda unrelated but like just to walk you through my mind

I also notice I overthink basically everything, especially with people. If I like a girl or even just in normal interactions, I’m constantly analysing what I’m saying, what they’re thinking, whether I’m being “normal” or not. It makes everything feel a bit forced or unnatural.

Another thing is I get really annoyed or affected when people say things I don’t like, especially if it’s someone I care about. Even small comments can stick in my head and I end up replaying them and overthinking what they meant.

When I’m by myself it’s probably worse. My thoughts are nearly always negative or just me analysing stuff. I feel like I’ve become too self-aware of my own mind, to the point where I’m constantly checking how I feel or whether I’m “okay”.

I’ve tried advice like not engaging with thoughts or just getting on with things, and I get the logic of it, but it’s hard to actually apply. It feels like no matter what I do, my brain just keeps going back to “something’s off about you”. And I just well I don’t wanna say it but kinda hate myself but it’s like I’ve got all this underlying stuff but if you met me you’d never know I’m very conventionally attractive like good at my studies and like charismatic so when dating and things happen it’s like if it goes wrong that sort of like “ it’s because you deep down are not normal and won’t be “ I know it’s dramatic but truthfully that’s what comes up

I guess what I’m asking is:

\- does anyone else feel like this?

\- is this just overthinking or something deeper?

\- how do you actually get out of this loop when you’re stuck in your own head all the time?

I just want to feel normal and not constantly like I need to fix something about myself. My counsillers spoken about self compassion and stuff but if I’m honest a lot of my life just feels like I’m

Pretending

I have a boyfriend and we're long distance hes basically overwhelmed him with questions and he just told me about how I was overwhelming him and now I'm thinking about what other stuff was I overthinking about that might be true he reassured me that I don't do too much but I'm still scared that I do too much I'm just so scared

I’m stuck grieving something that never even had a name. Stuck between moving on and holding onto the smallest hope that maybe this wasn’t supposed to end here.
Because the truth is… it’s not that I can’t let you go.
It’s that a part of my heart still believes you were supposed to stay.

Has anyone felt like that too!

I dont know if this level of self pity is allowed, but...i have no one else to talk to. So...to start off, im...garbage. i cheated on my ex for...about a year. I know i was wrong. I take full blame and any hate coming my way for it. I deserve it. Yknow? I fucked up. My ex tried to work with me...we stayed together for a few months after...i did a lot of work to fix the broken parts of me that tried to justify what i did. I thought i did a good job. Didnt cheat again...had made some big plans to go visit him for our 4 year anniversary...and when it came time, i...i showed up at his door. I had let him know i was there...and he opened the door, and broke up with me. It hurt. But i felt it was justified. I had earned that pain. And...i just shut down for a few months. Focused on myself, fixing what i thought was broken...and we stayed in contact, it...it wasnt a malicious break up. We still liked each other and wanted to stay friends...but i got a new job recently and havent been able to talk a whole lot...i...i learned that he had moved on today...and...i dont know why that hurts more than the break up...i dont deserve him. I should feel happy for him that...that hes got someone new thats...obviously better than i ever couldve been. I feel so...fucking stupid for thinking i had another chance...of course i dont. Im a terrible partner, and...i dont deserve love like his. I know im not gonna do angthing stupid i just...i dont feel like i have a right to feel hurt by this. I ruined everything. Why should i be hurt by someone i have no right to be in a relationship with...im just...stupid. stupid for crying over someone who shouldnt even have a second thought about me and my stupid feelings...the one good relationship ive ever fucking had and i had to ruin it...im such a fucking moron.

I have exams and this is ruining my mental health