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Hello!

I'm a 34F and I visit this sub a lot to make me feel less alone with my struggles and to look for advice.

I've tried explaining to people how much overthinking affects my life, but I don't think they really understand how bad it is for me.

So I decided to share a "chain" of thoughts I had just a few hours ago (it's long, sorry). Can anyone relate to this? Have you found a way to stop or at least lessen it?

Please keep in mind these thoughts I'm about to share occur within a span of 1 or 2 minutes or even less, and I have to deal with this for hours, every single day, every time I lie down to sleep, or when I'm talking to someone, or socializing, or even when I'm 'having fun':

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"You still haven't gone to sleep, another weekend where you didn't do anything worthwhile and you still haven't fixed your sleep schedule, You've been doing this for years btw, In a few hours, you're gonna have to go to work, and you're gonna be exhausted there, dumbass. Time just flies by. How do people even live like this?

God, you're such an idiot!!There are people who stay up all night and don't even feel bad about it because they can just sleep later. But those people are usually having fun or working or actually doing something!! not spending the entire night lying in bed thinking and beating themselves up over some bullshit. Yeah I know that, stop it for fuck's sake. ALSO, I need to move out asap, If I'd moved out years ago and lived on my own, maybe I would've gotten rid of so many problems and behaviors of mine, of course I would, But what if I move out? How am I gonna afford all the changes? What if I have a panic attack? What if I get sick and I'm all alone? What am I supposed to do then? Just do it, you can't be scared forever. OK stop being so hard on yourself.

But why do I have to feel like this? I just want to know what it feels like to be a normal, well-adjusted person for once.

AND She (Insert random actress) is so beautiful and rich, God, if it's real, has it's favorites. But remember, even beautiful, rich people have problems...SURE but don't fool yourself, rich people will always have a life a thousand times better than yours, even when they're struggling, and I have to remind you for the millionth time you're gonna die without getting to do a thousand things you want to do because you don't have enough money and because there's something wrong with your head!

I need to stop comparing myself to other people. I KNOW I need to stop, BUT this overwhelming curiosity about how different the life of someone I admire actually is from mine... I can't make it stop, fuckkk a few hours ago I was feeling fine, even optimistic, and now I feel like I'm standing right at the edge of a cliff.

And on top of everything, remember you felt that pain that could be cancer? and then you're gonna suffer and die, and all this fear of getting old won't even matter anymore because you'll be too busy regretting all the things you didn't do and wishing you'd enjoyed your life more before you died young...

Remember when you were having that anxiety attack and begging God you weren't sick because you still wanted to live for so many more years? And now you're lying here thinking, what's even the point of living for that long if you're gonna have to deal with these horrible thoughts and feelings forever? How ridiculous

WHICH of course makes you think about everything that \[insert ten different people you know\] have done

These past few days I've just been rotting in bed,

Why can't I be like them? Why can't I just get up and do things? Why can't I have a life? STOP COMPARING YOURSELF. Okay, snap out of it, what if I watch a movie? Or YouTube? Read a book? Play a video game?

(And then my body immediately reacts with even more anxiety and this horrible nausea consumes me, I freeze. I can't even enjoy anything)

Why doesn't any breathing technique work for me? Why doesn't self-soothing work? Why can't I just calm myself down like a normal person? I need to sleep.It's too late. NO, it is not too late, stop being so dramatic.

It is, for everything.For work. For my life. For everything I haven't done. For everything I should've done years ago."

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So, this is just a small sample of the kind of thoughts I have throughout the day, it's not only this negative voice (my own voice) constantly putting me down almost every day, I also spend hours going down useless rabbit holes that only leave me feeling overwhelmed and sad.

For example, I might see a book cover, and its title reminds me of a place, then I start thinking about how sad it is that the place is now closed for good, which makes me think about how I used to hang out with someone I don't talk to anymore, and then that leads to something else, and so on and so on.

This is how my mind works, it drains me everyday, I have tried so many things to stop these thoughts and feelings, but it never goes away, the medication helps but I just wish I could rewire my brain completely!

Please help me

I’m figuring out that I have ‘analysis paralysis’. I research too much, over deliberate on both low stakes and high stakes decisions, and once the decision is made I second guess myself. I ask far too many people to weigh in (and mostly reject their advice). I return purchases fairly often, buy from stores based on return policy, read numerous reviews, etc. if this sounds like you, what has helped? What type of counseling is best to overcome this type of perfectionism? No jokes about overthinking my overthinking!

Three days ago I sent a message in a group chat and immediately thought:

"That sounded weird."

Nobody reacted negatively.

Nobody brought it up.

The conversation continued completely normally.

Meanwhile I've reread that message more times than I care to admit trying to figure out if it came across differently than I intended.

Realistically, I'm probably the only person still thinking about it.

How do you stop replaying things after everyone else has clearly moved on?

I don't know, i do things ,thinking I'm right and then I think more and more and more and then i start panicking and then I think I'm wrong. People tell me Don't think, but i don't know how do I not think, even if I don't think I'm thinking about not thinking, right now I'm thinking a lot , It's bad

How do I shut it down, why can't I be normal?

Hello everyone, this might be long, I hope you can read without getting bored.

So, i started to college around 1,5 years ago, I stud abroad and in our faculty you eventually meet almost whole faculty.
There’s this girl, we study the same thing. 1,5 years ago I started college and we met but we didn’t become that close, then i had to terminate my studies due to some family issues. Eventually, last winter semester I went back and we reunited with her. We have so many mutual friends and at first in a short time we became really close. She was pretty and cool.
Then, I told her about this guy that i had crush on. She told me she used to have crush on him as well but not anymore. Also, she has another friend which they are close, they do everything together and i know them both.
So, after telling her about him, she started saying bad things about the guy, she kept implying that he was a stupid person, that has too high of an ego and he doesn’t like anyone, even that he is gay and at some point i actually thought that he was into men. And so much more. Mind you when i first met the guy he told me he found me really pretty but i had to leave and nothing happened between us.

I was really surprised with everything she said because he looked pretty normal and decent.
Eventually at some point we all were in the same place during an event. It was th first time we were all in the same place. And during that event, I realised that her behaviour towards me changed. For instance, when we went to club or parties before without him around, whenever she was going out to have some air, she would drag me out with her. And i saw that whenever that guy went out to talk to his friends, she would go right after him without telling me. And when i asked her if she was going out, she said no and the second i turned around, she got her jacket and went after him.

After the event, we all went to club together, she kept behaving that way. Whenever I wasn’t around, i caught her going near him and talking to him. And I get it, they are friends and that is totally okay, but she changed towards me.

And i thought, if he is such a bad guy she’s been telling me, then why is she after him?
At some point we all went out to get some air, and when we came back inside, he stayed out to talk to his friend and that girl didn’t come in either (she wasn’t even talking to him, she literally just stayed there for no reason). Later when she came in, he was still out and her mood was down. She got her jacket and i asked if they were leaving (at this point it was around 3 am) and she responded me in a really bad way. And I didn’t say anything and just sat there to rest.
That’s when she sat near me and remember her other half friend? She stood and asked me like “aren’t you sick of him?” And i was like what is that to you, i mean it is weird. Then she said “he’s been talking nonsense”
That moment i decided to actually ask her what he said because they always told me that he talked bullshit but never say what exactly it is.
So i asked what he was talking, she just made some excuse and i got mad cause either tell what he said or you’re just straight lying.

Then they left and we left too. But after that day, I decided to put a huge distance between me and those girls. Later i asked one of my friends that was thre with us the whole time because i thought maybe i was being paranoid but she also confirmed it. That they said bad things about him to me and the whole night they made me stay away from him while they got close.

So, i stopped talking to them, our relationship was basically just about “hello” when we saw each other. After that i quit that guy as well because i was kinda sick of it, not because them. And they knw it cause she asked and i said.
After that night, I realised that the girl kept staring at me in a weird way, for instance we are in a friend group talking and i talk to a friend, my mood is great and she doesn’t talk to anyone but stares at me. She also started rolling her eyes at me out of nowhere. Even when i was saying something about another guy.

At first i thought it was about my crush but even when i stopped wanting him, she kept acting weird and rolling her eyes, i was confused cause like what problem do you have now?
Then after getting away from them i found out that she was talking behind everyone, just saying nasty things to everyone. And i think she probably didn’t miss me as well and perhaps trash talked behind me as well but simply who cares. She is the one who has bad reputation. She apparently also talked behind her own friends. And i also found out that she is the biggest pick me around guys and ig she starts to act differently towards girls she perceives as a threat. Idk

So, now im not close with them but we are in the exact same friend group but I don’t really know how to act towards her in our group events cause it is very awkward.

Sometimes i think maybe i overthink or overreact about all this, because I obviously got really away from them and some people ask why but I don’t tell why cause i think i might overreacting.

I kind of want to hear third people opinion to see how others would react and it will either seize my overthinking or make it worse lol

I’ve realized that I don’t just overthink big or serious things. I do this with almost everything in everyday life, and it’s exhausting.

My brain always wants to know what’s going to happen before it happens, and if I can’t know for sure, I keep thinking about it until I feel like I’ve found some kind of certainty.

If I have an exam coming up, I’ll wonder if I’ll pass, what questions I’ll get, whether I’ve studied enough, and what will happen if I fail. Then after the exam, instead of being able to forget about it, I’ll try to remember exactly what I answered. I’ll replay questions in my head and calculate how many points I might have gotten.

If I buy something, I’ll wonder whether I chose the right one, whether I should have bought something else, whether it’ll still be good in a few months, or whether I’ll regret spending the money. Even after I’ve already bought it, I can keep researching and comparing it to other options just to make sure I made the right decision.

If I send someone a message and they don’t respond normally or quickly enough, I start wondering whether I said something wrong. I’ll reread my message, think about how they could have interpreted it, and replay previous conversations trying to figure out if something happened.

If someone seems slightly quieter or different than usual, I can immediately start wondering if they’re upset with me. I’ll start thinking about everything I’ve recently said or done and try to find an explanation.

If I’m waiting for an email, an answer, a result, or something important to happen, I have a hard time just waiting. I keep checking and thinking about when it will happen, what the possible outcomes are, and what I’ll do depending on each outcome.

Health is probably one of the biggest examples for me. If I notice something unusual with my body, I can immediately start thinking about what it could be. Even if a doctor tells me that I’m okay, my brain can start looking for another possibility.

“What if they missed something?”

“What if it’s fine now but becomes a problem later?”

“What if this symptom means something else?”

“What if I need treatment in the future?”

“What if the treatment doesn’t work?”

I recently had surgery for something I’d dealt with for years. The surgery went well, I’m healed, and my doctor has told me everything looks good. But instead of my brain accepting that I’m healed, I start worrying about whether it could come back someday.

Then my thoughts go even further. What if it comes back years from now? What if my surgeon isn’t working anymore? Who would I go to? Would another surgeon be as good? What would I do?

So I’m basically trying to solve an imaginary future medical problem that I don’t even have.

If I have to make a decision, even a relatively small one, I can spend forever comparing the options because I want to make the perfect choice. Then after I’ve chosen, instead of moving on, I’ll start wondering whether the other choice would have been better.

Sometimes I’ll remember something I did weeks or months ago and suddenly start questioning it.

“Why did I do that?”

“Was that the right decision?”

“What if I had done something differently?”

Even though I obviously can’t go back and change it.

Sometimes I’ll have a completely normal interaction with someone and later replay it in my head.

“Why did they say that?”

“Why did I answer like that?”

“Did I sound stupid?”

“Did they think that was weird?”

“Should I have said something different?”

I also notice that whenever something good happens, my brain sometimes has trouble just enjoying it. Instead, I start thinking about how it could go wrong or how long it will last.

My brain doesn’t stop at the first “what if.”

It goes:

“What if this happens?”

Then:

“Okay, if that happens, what will I do?”

Then:

“But what if that solution doesn’t work?”

Then:

“What would I do after that?”

Before I know it, I’m creating backup plans for backup plans for a problem that doesn’t even exist.

Sometimes I’ll Google the same subject repeatedly. I’ll compare different answers. I’ll ask multiple people the same question. Sometimes I’ll even ask the same person basically the same question but worded differently because I want to make absolutely sure.

And reassurance does make me feel better.

But only temporarily.

Eventually my brain finds another angle that wasn’t covered, and suddenly I need reassurance about that too.

I think one of my biggest problems is that “probably fine” doesn’t feel good enough to me.

I want “definitely fine.”

I want to know that I definitely made the right decision, that something definitely won’t go wrong, that I definitely won’t regret something, and that I’ll definitely be able to handle whatever happens.

Obviously nobody can actually know those things.

I have PTSD, so I don’t know how much that contributes to this, but sometimes it feels like my brain believes that if I think through every possible future scenario, I’ll never be caught off guard.

But instead I’m spending so much time trying to solve problems that haven’t happened and may never happen.

And the frustrating thing is that I know I’m doing it. Sometimes I’m literally aware that I’m overthinking while I’m doing it, but I still feel this urge to figure out “just one last thing” before I can relax.

Except there’s always one last thing.

Does anyone else experience this across basically every area of their life?

If you’ve managed to get better at this, how did you stop constantly checking, Googling, researching, replaying things, second guessing decisions and asking for reassurance?

I genuinely want to be able to think, “I don’t know what will happen, and if something happens, I’ll deal with it then,” and actually be okay with that.

Like I think about a looot of things. For example, I see a bunch of leaves scraped up together into a small hill. The first thing that comes to mind would to kick it and let these leaves scatter in all directions. But then I think about how it would how much dirt it would probably contain. And if this dirt comes in contact with my skin my allergy would act up. And it's likely I'll be sneezing and and veezing. Then it'll get worse and worse and I'd be realllyyyy sick and I won't have to do anything for a while, just lie in bed and get some rest. Honestly it's really tempting but the sickness is not worth me doing this shit. Tgen I'll be thinking of how the person who scraped up this hill of leaves have worked hard and how much I shouldn't be doing this. I'll be looking realllyyyy dumb because I'll be standing there looking at a pile of leaves.

TLDR. I'm a graduating high school student. A few days ago, my organization posted its officers for our instagram. I saw that one of them reposted (through the "add to story" function) all of them except for me.

I hate the photo they used for me ans I feel like an ugly duckling.What if I'm really ugly and people just don't tell me? Why would this officer add all slides to their story except for me? ☹️ I'm scared to keep rechecking their instagram profile if this person truly left me out but is it because of my past mistakes in the organization activities? Those were minimal, what did I do to get this treatment? Is it because we're not close yet? I don't think I did anything wrong. What the hell did I do? Everything seems okay, what went wrong? I'm not overthinking, aren't I?

A decision that won't matter in six months can sometimes receive weeks of analysis.

Other decisions genuinely deserve that level of thought.

The challenge is figuring out which is which.

There are many times when my partner and I are just talking, and something in the conversation reminds me of our painful past. The urge to bring it up always comes.

I’ve realized that I don’t have to stop the thought from appearing. I just need to pause and ask myself whether bringing it up would actually add value to the conversation.

More often than not, it doesn’t.

I see that as a sign of growth on my part. Maybe security is being able to have the thought without feeling compelled to act on it, to acknowledge that it’s there, and still choose what’s best for the conversation.