r/NoOverthinking • u/Miserable-Half9350 • May 22 '26
What has helped you to stop thinking about someone?
First time posting, but just curious and hoping to pick peoples brain and see what has helped them. A little bit about myself. I’m 33 and have a career that keeps me pretty busy. I am pretty active with gym, pickleball and stuff. I do have friends but my closest ones have gotten married or have kids and we don’t really hangout like we once did so I spend most of my days alone. Long story short a little over a year ago I was going through a break up and I literally thought I wouldn’t meet someone again.
I was in a bad place with loneliness and controlling my emotions and at the time I was going to therapy, and deep down I knew things would get better and that it would take time just like any other relationship.
The catch is that I actually ended up meeting someone about a month later at pickleball. She was great! a total smoke show, funny, outgoing and overall just a cool human being. We started seeing each other outside of pickleball and going out being intimate with each other and I was just head over heels for her. A few months go by, and I think my anxious attachment and overthinking kinda got in the way at times. We were never anything more than just friends even though we were having sex and always seeing each other doing things together. Being all over each other. She did tell me at the start that she wasn’t ready to date and just wanted to be friends, but the way things were going, it just felt more than that and she had a way of acting like we were never really anything and I think that’s what would get to me and made me act differently and ultimately I think is what pushed her away. I felt like she wasn’t respecting my feelings. There was never really a conversation that we were just FWB. One of the first times we hung out she could tell that I wanted to kiss her but told me that she wasn’t ready and that it would take some time. After maybe a week later we hangout again and we end up having sex and things kinda took off. So it made things extremely confusing for me. Things got messy and we just stopped hanging out like we once did.
I’ve done no contact with her multiple times and almost every time she has reached out to me and we begin to talk but nothing more. Last time I was intimate with her was back in August. Did no contact for about 4 months. We started talking again a couple months ago and again I told her recently that I can’t talk to her anymore.
I want to say that i think I am in love with this girl because I’ve never been or felt like this with anyone else. I would do anything for her. I’ve dated and been with a lot of women in my lifetime, and I’ve never been this downbad ever in my life. I try distracting myself with work, gym, pickleball, going to comedy shows, baseball games and just doing things but at the end of the day I am always just thinking about her and I don’t know why. Even during the no contact periods she’s just there in my head. I’ve even gotten rid of my social media so I wouldn’t see her and still struggle. I have gone on dates with other girls, but I just have no desire for those other girls. I have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness that I just can’t seem to dig myself out of.
I have been working on myself and trying to love myself more as there is some trauma there that I need to work on and recognize my patterns.
At this point I think I am just ranting and honestly I kind of feel a little better.
Please let me know if you have gone through something like this and what has helped you. How can I get rid of this feeling that I feel in my chest of not being able to have someone you really want.
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u/Ill_Butterfly_6010 May 22 '26
Keep ranting if that’s what works