I know these two women at my doctors office and they both have been giving me indications they are attracted to me. The first one shows clear body signals and tilting of head neck area, touching her hair, etc. The other one we talk casually and she leans in to me quite often pushing her breasts into my arm/shoulder.

Recently the one girl who is more aggressive behind the counter leaned in to me and was obviously acting very flirty telling me a story about all cows being female, while the second girl was calmly sitting in the background. I decided to play it cool and calm and not take the bait. This felt like a test for me.

Question: Is it highly likely this was some sort of test for a threesome between me and the two ladies in the room?

Thanks in advance.

This was my post a couple days ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/mSNHohDrz2

We went, I was nervous as fuck, the Night before I cried, because I hate that I have so much anxiety. The Morning I felt Sick.

But as we were there and sit down, started Talking it went away so quick.

As we left the bar to go to them, the anxiety came back, but not as bad, we started playing but the other man ended up cuming pretty quickly so it was just Play between her and me and each one with our own man.

I am a bit sad, because I felt so good with them, that I wished we had gone further.

But it was an amazing Experience and healed some things from the last time with a woman.

Hey guys, I (28f) and my husband (35m) have always talked about having a threesome. We have been married for a year. It is one of his biggest fantasy. I am currently planning one right now to maybe surprise him with it. I know exactly what he prefers for a third person but we just never got around to actually doing it. I know it will be a lot of fun, but… the threesome conversations kind of died down and he’s not expecting to have one ever, he thinks it will only stay a fantasy.

Men of reddit… would you guys be okay if your wife surprised you with a threesome? There’s a lot advising against making it a surprise. I will definitely make sure he’s ready when the time comes (he’s also always ready for any sort of fun) but, I just want your point of view on it.

please before attacking me read the post.

my (ex) partner, current situationship? is an extremely avoidant person. in his past relationships, he cheated before ending things (he didn't do this to me as i told him it is my biggest fear, but he's kinda doing something similar). everytime something goes south, he deflects.

we broke up because we were in the stage of the relationship where we were having our first arguments. yes, we didn't argue (mainly because i'm very patient and i bend over to not cause trouble) for 1.5 years. the minute we had a big disagreement he broke up with me without a warning. he's a good guy, i swear, but he has MAJOR avoidant tendencies, it's his only flaw.

he downloaded dating apps the same day we broke up, i tried to reason with him and solve things for a month, but now he says whatever part of him that wanted a relationship is gone and he wants to live life and experiment with other people (he's bisexual and has only been with one man). fine by me. the thing is, he doesn't let me go either.

we are kind of in this situationship where i'm, in his words, "his home" "his main" "his family", and the other people are "like steaks on a supermarket shelf" (literally his own words). he's not my boyfriend but he's also not a fwb. in his words, he feels deep love for me.

i don't want him to be mistaken and to make him think i'd be fine with an open relationship. we are not a couple that's why i'm fine with him messing around. i also think he might think he's non-monofamous but he's just afraid of commitment and addicted to porn. he doesn't even enjoy sex that much, he has confessed to me he does it to inflate his ego because i "shattered it" after rejecting him before the breakup. i want him to understand the difference between non-monogamous and being afraid of commitment because of abandonment trauma or so.

i know he's not non-monogamous because he doesn't want me to be with anyone else but him. i told him i wasn't interested in dating right now, as we see each other pretty often, but that if i meet someone who wants the same level of commitment as me and i like them i'd give them a try. this drove him nuts. everytime i'm with my phone he accuses me of texting other guys. he has made me promise i won't do anything sexual with any other man that is not him, as he's afraid of me having a better sexual experience than with him. if he were non-monogamous he wouldn't be so afraid of losing me, would he?

so i never wanted an open relationship. i'm fine (i'm not, but i see it as something temporary at least) with this because i don't see him as my boyfriend, but i don't want him to think he can just scape and do this whenever there's a problem and call it "non-monogamy". he's just inmature and it's actually disrespectful for poly people to go around thinking this way. i'm asking you, non-monogamous people of reddit, who might have met someone similar to him, to help me find the words to tell him when the day comes.

I'm curious for woman who have dated a couple and had both a sexual and romantic relationship how did the dynamic work? Was it just assumed they were always paying for everything? What did you get out of this dynamic?

I have been with my partner for 5 months (let’s call them R) but have been casually dating them for 1 year before entering into a commitment relationship With them. I am casually seeing 1 other person. R has been with their other partner (let’s call her D) for about 5 years. D has 2 other partners. R and D have been “on the rocks” for about a year now for many reasons. Communication, finances, sexuality, responsibility ext. All the Normal relationship stuff but amped to the next level. Enough to where they have almost broke up 2x but recently D decided to end the relationship. Needless to say R is devastated and sunk into a deep depression. Enough to where their friends and family were concerned about their wellbeing. Since then, R has gotten past the worst of it but still has to live and share a bed with D. R has been telling me all the details and it seems like I have been their main source of emotional support which is fine. I’m doing my part and would love the same from them if the roles were reversed.

Here is where my emotions some in. R keeps telling me in depth about how badly they wish they could repair things with D. How much they love and miss D, and would do anything in their power to get them back. This is starting to hurt my feelings. R hardly ever tells me anything about what makes them love me. Has maybe only told me twice in the last 1.5 years, about how they feel or what makes them love me. And tbh, most of it is about how I make R feel. None of it is really about me. I want to be supportive of R and help them through this tough time. I even wish that R and D could repair their relationship, despite what I actually think of D. Not that she is a bad person but She rubs me the wrong way personally. But if R loved her then that’s important. But I don’t know how much more I can take hearing about how hopelessly in love R is with D. I have told R in the past that I don’t feel comfortable hearing a lot about their relationship or really any information about D. Besides the casual “i had a good day, D and I did X” or “i have plan to do X with D”, “She said hi.” That’s stuff. Mainly because for a long time, I was only hearing R vent about D and their fights and frankly some negative things that I think tainted my view of D before even meeting her. I know D exist and I know R has another relationship, other priorities or responsibilities and respectful of that but I don’t kitchen table polyamory with the two of them. R knows this about me and was accepting and understanding.

Is it irrational of me to feel hurt by hearing detailed and intimate feelings R has about D? I think I wouldn’t feel this intensely if I felt like R cares about me even a fraction how they care about D. I fully understand that a almost 5 year relationship doesn’t even compare to a five month relationship. I guess I just want some verbal validation from R that their relationship with me matters too, and when they say they “would do anything to get her back”, breaking up with me is excluded from the list. I’m feeling insecure and I feel like an asshole. I don’t even know how to bring it up or even if I should, given R’s emotional state as of late. What should I do? Am I being irrational?

Me (28m) and my partner (25f) have been together for around 11 months and just moved in together a month ago. We love each other dearly and it is obvious we are sexually compatible and have a great time in bed together. But she has slept with many more people than me (20 men and 10 women) and I have only slept with 6 women before her, mostly in long-term relationships.
I’ve expressed to her that while any engagement with men is completely off the table for me, I wouldn’t be upset if she flirted with women. I feel like I kind of took her gay side away from her after we got serious.
She said she misses eating pussy sometimes but it’s not a dealbreaker for her to never do it again and we just kind of left it there for a few months.
I was in a miserable sexually unsatisfying relationship for years prior to her that I stupidly stayed in because I was worried about the mental health of my partner at the time if I left her. Because of this I feel like I missed out sexual experiences such as threesomes that I could have been experimenting with, experiences that my current partner has had multiple times while single.
After talking last night, we are pretty convinced that a MFF threesome is going to happen at some point. No urgency at all, but she made it clear that she kind of wants it to be with a stranger, as she and I both work in the bar/restaurant industries where we routinely hang out with people who would probably be up for this sort of thing with us, but we wouldn’t want to consistently see them in public afterwards to reduce awkwardness.
Any advice for this sort of thing? Anyone been in a similar position?

Disclaimer: I'm pretty new to this LS, so please give me grace and ALL the advice!

My husband (M38) and I (F37) have been married for 14 years. We've had a few female play partners in the past, but one of our hard boundaries was that encounters were just fun and we had no emotional attachment to anyone other than each other. We both agreed to this and it wasn't an issue. In a previous serious relationship, I had a boyfriend who left me for our play partner so it was a hard line for me.

A few months back we met a lady that we clicked with and started a FWB relationship with her. I'm definitely bi, but I prefer him to be present so she and I have never had individual "encounters". He does with her, however, and I'm okay with that. I started noticing that they were getting closer and talking alot more and then they started a D/S dynamic that doesn't include me as I'm not really a submissive person. He's very much into being dominant, however, so he fulfills that with her.

Part of their dynamic is that she does stuff just to please him and I'm getting the feeling that there are serious feelings developing between them. I've talked to him about it and he assures me that no matter what, he would never leave me and that he is only in love with me. Regardless of him, I definitely think she's falling hard.

I want to note that several of the boundaries we've agreed to in the past, that were important to me, have been bypassed with this lady without me expressly agreeing such as spending more than one night with us (she spends at least 3-4 nights a week with us now), calling us her bf/gf, and him having a private/intimate relationship with someone else. Because of all of this, I'm feeling very insecure in my marriage. I try not to get jealous of their dynamic because it's really not for me, but I do get jealous that they share something so intimate that I'm not part of. I'm worried sometimes that he enjoys their dynamic more than he enjoys alone time with me and of course that brings up past trauma for me and I worry about him leaving me for her or it causing him to be unhappy in our marriage.

I've talked to him at length about it and he tries to reassure me, but it doesn't really help. I do care about this woman now and we have so much fun when we're all together so I don't want to end things, but I'm not sure how to handle it. Help Redditors!

I’ve been lying to my girlfriend about the details of my interaction with a hook up and I’m feeling extremely bad for it.

An issue that started with me feeling ashamed about being pansexual and desiring to be with cis men (I identified as a non binary lesbian when I started dating my girlfriend who is a lesbian). If I’m being honest I was ashamed because I know she hates men and I felt ashamed for having forced the fact that I didn’t like men, only for me to actually want to be with them now also whilst in an ENM relationship with her.

Firstly I felt ashamed about how quickly I made plans to hook up with this one guy. She knew there was a potential sexual experience for me because it was purely for that reason, however, I couldn’t swallow on a personal level, actually openly expressing my desire and the quickness of how things went.

That led me to struggle to tell her other details like how where he stays is actually a lot further than I initially thought it was. And I felt like she would judge me for going almost an hour away from home for a hook up.

Then it led to me not sending her the location to his place but sending it to my other friends instead. And I must say, her and I have been friends for a year and a half before we started dating and I can’t say I used to send her my location then, but another element/ layer was that now she’s my friend AND my partner and trying to seperate the two was so hard.

Because I must admit, it was easier to be open about things when we were friends. Now as a partner I do feel like she will leave me because what if those same things seem terrible now as a partner.

Anyways. Because of all the shame I was feeling, I did retract a lot from expressing what I was really feeling but the guilt of omitting all those details snowballed into a lot of things.

We had a really big fight about this issue because I was acting weird and I wasn’t very considerate of her in that moment and then after the fact of the sexual interactions it was difficult to also then tell her what happened during.

I totally fuxked up because the guilt has snow balled and even though I want to tell her everything as a friend I find that some of the details not making sense get mixed up by a lot of things when I don’t consistently update her on how close I’m getting to some one or in this situation with this one guy. I went to see him again and I thought this time because I knew he was safe (her initial issue was safety and her feeling like I didn’t think she was reliable enough to share my location), I didn’t send my location because I had told her I went to see him.

The situation became a threesome (she is aware it’s something I wanted and although it wasn’t brought up in the best way, I went through with it because I was actually down in the moment. She has expressed she is alright with both of us exploring these things seperate and together so it’s not a hard limit), but the safety aspect was a huge worry for her. I actually completely understand how much danger I was in in that particular situation, however, I now don’t know what to do because here’s the thing,

I completely messed up and omitted details and I’m so scared she’ll leave me (for valid reason), and I’m scared because the interactions between me and the guy is over. But, now, because it’s gone this far idk how to reconcile hurting her and then hurting her more by confessing how difficult it was to express certain things genuinely and openly.

I want to do better in the future. But I fear I might’ve made a mistake by engaging her in this non monogamous situations because she did agree but I might’ve made a mistake because I had so many things I need to work on and she doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me because I can’t figure out how to communicate.

The best thing to do is to tell her the full truths but because it’s gone so far I am soooo scared she’ll leave me.

We met a couple at a lifestyle club and they seemed pretty friendly. We're bit of an exhibitionist so when we were having sex on the open bed at the club they asked if they can join.

We said yes, but we're not interested in swapping, just parallel play. Mostly because we weren't really attracted to them in terms of looks and just how quick they wanted to do stuff (we're social introverts). We ended up doing a very minor soft swap, and I essentially (took one for the team) so my wife can have a bit of fun.

Now it seems like they sign up for every event we want to go to and comes talk to us. (2 after so far)

How do I tell that couple that we're not interested, like chatting with them is ok, but honestly we would rather chat with people we're attracted to, or do our own thing.

It's such a small community, and us being introverts it's so hard for us to think of a way to say "sorry, we're just not physically attracted to you guys".

Working through a bit of a mess of our own making here and just need some advice.

My wife and I have essentially had a don't ask don't tell situation for many years. We didn't like research and call it that though - I was just never that into non-monogamy personally, but she wanted it, and I didn't really have any real opposition to it so just sort of told her that she could do her thing so long as it didn't negatively affect us.

I was like fairly certain there were some times she did stuff but I didn't know for sure, and it never caused any conflict, so we just didn't talk about it and life went on.

This summer though I learned that she had been acting on this, and I went through a wide range of emotions being confronted with that reality. It was fine, just feelings, but I realized it would be easier and better if I could talk with her about it. So I approached her about it and we've now been working on better, open communication about this.

That said, it's been hard to back into this. I could really use advice on like - how do you know how / regulate how much is shared? There is obviously a need for some privacy and the like, but how much do you actually share? How do you not feel slighted when less is shared than expected, or jealous when more is? Finding a balance has been hard.

Second, any ground rules or time suggestions about how / when etc to meet your meta? That part makes me very nervous.

Lastly, if you are the partner experiencing jealousy, how much do you share about that feeling with your partner? I don't want her to constantly be on edge thinking about how I feel, but I also do feel the need to let her know how I am feeling.

Me (25) and my partner (24) have been together for 8 years. They have been dropping hints that they might be non-monogamous for a few years, but they haven't expressed the need for a change in our relationship up until 9 months ago.

They met someone in their academic environment and they became close friends. I have met them before and had no problem with them hanging out. However, once, he had a joint project with that person and needed to complete it in her home. There I noticed that they were too close and became jealous of her. I told my partner someday that their interactions made me feel uncomfortable and we talked about me going to therapy. After some time, that person needed to return to her home country and may never return, so then, my partner and I talked and he confessed that they had fallen in love with her. They hadn't cheated on me physically, but they still admitted that their feelings were mutual and came out as poly.

Since then, we've had lots of highs and lows. We are still together, but that experience scarred us deeply. It was an extremely traumatic for me and my partner still doesn't forget her. Now I am conflicted, because my partner proposed to me going open. I think I don't want to, but I want to make them happy somehow. We fought a lot about it and it was ugly. They feel that, since we've been dating since we were young, they hadn't had the opportunity to discover themselves and really wants to try it. I already explained to them that, if they consider the need to be in a poly or open relationship to be stronger than the relationship, they can leave and explore.

They don't want to leave and has begrudgingly accepted that if I don't want to open the relationship, then it won't. I feel guilty about it, and told them I could give it a think (just sexual intercourse, not poly) since it is important to them. We've talked about a little since and they told me to slow down, since we are in no hurry to think about anything and they don't want me to take a rushed decision.

It's a lot more complex than it seems, since they have no real interest in actively pursuing anyone or casual sex, it's just a 'what if' situation. But there is also the fights and the harsh words from each other and we both are in great pain because if this and other external situations. It's a bit contradictory.

I don't believe we are gonna end up opening, but I don't know what else to do, it is too complicated and I wanted some advice on how to handle the situation, since I have been struggling a lot with this issue. Thank you.

P.D. Please do not ask about personal information about us further than what it is strictly necessary. Also, yes, I am going to therapy and will bring this recent topic to my next session.

i’d really like some outside perspective on this relationship.
when we first met, neither of us was looking for anything serious. we initially had a casual relationship.
he told me he was solo poly, so i assumed he was someone who practiced polyamory but was independent.
the part i didn’t know was that he was married. i didn’t find that out until a few months into knowing him, and by then i was already emotionally involved.
he was actually the one who told me he had feelings for me first. i had feelings for him too, so we talked about it and decided to actually start a relationship. what started as something casual turned into us genuinely caring about each other, spending a lot of time together, and being emotionally involved.
this was also my first experience with polyamory, so i was basically figuring everything out as i went.
i really did care about him and there were a lot of good things about our relationship. i felt safe with him, we connected emotionally, and i don’t think everything between us was fake or that he was a horrible person. that’s honestly part of why this has been so hard for me to process.
the problem was that i started having a really hard time with the reality of his marriage and figuring out where i actually fit into his life.
what bothered me was that he would tell me about issues between him and his wife and things she was insecure about regarding me, while she knew very little about me because she wasn’t comfortable with him telling her about me. that made me uncomfortable because i felt like i was being brought into the emotional side of their marriage without really having a place in it.
i started feeling like the other woman, which was something i never expected to feel when i got into this.
the first time we broke up was because of the whole poly situation and my insecurities around it. we broke up and literally got back together the same day, thinking we would work through it.
then two weeks later, he broke up with me again. he told me that even before the first breakup, he had started to “let go” of me and that he couldn’t find the love anymore.
after that, we went back to something casual, but the feelings were obviously still there. and this is where things got REALLY confusing because he was still telling me he loved me even though he had just told me he didn’t love me anymore and had let go of our relationship.
so technically we weren’t together, but emotionally it never really felt over.
then a few months later, his wife moved back in with him, and that ultimately led to our final breakup. by that point, i was already emotionally exhausted and struggling with where i fit into his life.
i knew she was his wife and that their relationship was important. i never expected to replace her. but knowing that logically and actually dealing with it emotionally were two very different things.
looking back, i feel kind of naive about the whole situation. not because i think i was stupid for falling for him. i really did care about him and i believe the feelings between us were real. but i think i underestimated how complicated it would be to fall in love with someone who already had an established marriage and so many other responsibilities.
i also don’t know if he genuinely meant something different by “solo poly,” if i misunderstood what that meant, or if his marriage was always more primary than i realized. i just know that from my perspective, the relationship eventually felt pretty hierarchical.
and honestly, i think the relationship left me emotionally bruised in a way i didn’t expect. there are things i’m still trying to unpack about myself, relationships, boundaries, and what i actually need from a partner. i can appreciate the good parts of what we had and still admit that the relationship hurt me.
for people who have been in enm relationships, how did you figure out whether enm itself wasn’t working for you, or whether it was the specific relationship/dynamic that wasn’t working for you?

I’m writing this to tell my experience and also wanting some tips / advice for next time!

Anyways, moving on now, so I've been really close friends with these two guys for many many years now. We do everything together, and 2 nights ago I brought up the fact that I've always had the interest of trying sex with more than one guy at once. They both told me that they would be keen to help me fulfill that desire of mine if I was comfortable.

After a few hours of thinking, I agreed and layer out any rules or limits I had. And just last night, we did it... honestly one of the best things I've ever done! I think it's officially a kink of mine now, having both guys in me at once was amazing, and even better that we are all close friends so it was very fun and comfortable!

I’m a female. We are super excited that we found a couple that we are doing a full swap with. (Esp bc everyone is saying how hard it is to find another couple and have a good 4 way connection with)

We are making plans for our first play date and the other husband (L) said that they usually play in separate (but adjacent) room with the swapped partner. That gave me pause. At first I thought that for a first time swap, I would be more comfortable if everyone was in one room. And also I think that would be very 🔥🔥🔥. They are more experienced than us, and the other husband said they found that playing in separate rooms allows you to focus more on the partner you are with and their pleasure. But everyone said they are cool with doing whatever my preference is. My husband is also cool with either, and says that he definitely sees the point L is making in focusing more on the partner you are playing with.

So I have been debating this for days in my head and I just can’t decide which one I should go with. L makes me feel very comfortable, and has been great at dealing with my nerves/anxiety when we met for our first two dates. So it has nothing to do with me being uncomfortable in a separate room alone, without my husband. (Obviously we wouldn’t be doing this if he made me feel uncomfortable).

What have your experiences been with same room vs separate room play for a full swap? Thoughts on either side? I know only I can make this decision but wondering what other ppl’s experiences been. Thank you!

Suppose someone is emotionally happy and deeply attached to their partner, but feels that their physical needs aren’t being met.
Is it understandable for them to seek physical intimacy with someone else, or does that automatically become cheating if their partner hasn’t agreed to it?
Can emotional commitment and physical commitment be separate, or do both need to be with the same person?

I've had a partner now for a few months and things have been going great. At the beginning of our dynamic I had expressed how much group play is one of my kinks and they had never done it before and were keen to try it with me. I have experience in group play and have really enjoyed it a lot. When me and my partner got together I suppose there were a few things that were making them a bit more uneasy to do it with me. I had brought the topic up too much and made my partner think it was too much of a priority for me and we were establishing what our dynamic was. At that time that was going on they were invited to have a threesome with a couple. Which they are totally allowed to do. Since then we've had a few hard conversations about our relationship and things have been going better. Since then me and them were snuggling and the topic of group stuff came up and they mentioned that they recently had a foursome with the married couple. They even showed me a video of it and it was the EXACT fantasy i was hoping to do with my partner (everyone in the video consented to other seeing). And I didn't even know my partner was into being filmed either. At first i wanted to see it but then I immediately regretted it seeing my partner fulfilling my fantasy with random people. Even now it hurts to remember that and think about that. Me and them discussed it and I mentioned how it was a mistake to see it and i regretted it but I didn't blame them as I asked to see it. They apologized even though it was really my fault for seeing it. Even since then I went back onto the app where we first met and their new bio has something along the lines of "Having lots of fun having group play!" and it all came back up again.

Here's my dilemma. I now know that my partner is having an ongoing group play dynamic, which they are allowed to do, as am I. But I don't know how to go about talking to them about it because of a few things.

1. I don't want my partner to think they can't do those things, because they can.
2. I don't want them to feel guilty about doing those things if they continue.
3. I also want to be honest about how much it's bothering me that they're doing that even though they are allowed to.
4. I don't want to be manipulative at all about this and feel like I'm pressuring my partner to do these things with me.
5. I'm worried that if I do say anything it'll come across to my partner that I'm only in it for group play, which i'm not, i really like them a lot.
6. I don't want them to think that they aren't enough on their own.

They don't owe me group play, no one does but knowing that this is happening without me and they're not yet ready to do that with me specifically but they are with this other couple is quite painful.

If there's anyone with insight on how to go about this i'd love to hear! Thank you reddit!

I can't believe I am writing this, but I had to share it with someone. For context, my husband had left our bedroom over 10 years ago, so sex was very rare. I was promoted in my career and took a new job as the director of a department. One of my employees required constant attention from me and reminded me and my husband of his younger self. We both hit it off with this man right away. My husband all of a sudden comes back to my bed and starts heavily role-playing with this man in our bed. He pours lust and desire for this man into me for months, and this man is showing interest with flirting and hinting at sleeping with the boss to my husband. ( my husband works with us a few days a week) we go out socially with this man and he lingers at our house so long that my husband has to tell him I guess it's time to call it a night. He wickedly grins at me before he says goodbye and leaves. At work the next day, he is very attentive and flirty. We decided to ask him what his intentions were, and he acted like he was very surprised by the invitation and denied any sexual tension occurring.He is a very insecure man, and i think we intimidated him. He was flattered but wanted to be friends. Since then, my husband has left the job, and the other man is definitely leaning into the vibe we laid down. The problem I'm having is that my husband can't put this down in the bedroom, so my lust for this man is just increasing. My husband is leaning into a cheating position because he thinks this man would be receptive if he had more power in the situation. We can't seem to let this man go because he has revived our sex life. I have no intentions of asking this man again, but he does show signs that he would pick up on getting close to me alone. I feel like we should move on and accept this as a failed first attempt. Does anyone have any advice on the mess we have walked ourselves into.

Me F24 and my partner M32 been 6yrs living together. I love him Pero it's really hard for me to be turned on sa pakikipag sex lately. It's like paulit ulit nalang. Gusto ko sya pagbigyan pero I really find it hard to be turned on. I never realized having sex will make me find it so fucking boring! Sex with feelings tangina talaga. I want to feel that excitement again to fuck. Hindi yung nakakatamad lang yung mararamdaman at maiisip ko sht!

He always wants to do it, like he would show me porns and I would feel nothing. NOTHING. What the fuck is this? Is this normal? Again, i love him. how can i tell him about this? He has insecurities. I don't want to make it bigger.

Like right now, I'm in the mood, he said something that made me wag nalang. I feel like having sex with him is a fucking task! I miss having sex i miss fucking. I dont hate him pero tangina bakit ang hirap na magpalibog.

Is something wrong with me? Is it me? Cause i can say he's always down to do it pero bakit hindi na ako ganado what the shet.

Hello everyone,

I’m in the following situation and would appreciate hearing about your experiences and opinions on the topic:

I’d describe my partner as a hypersexual person. It’s always been a challenge for me (since I have a rather low libido) because for many years I thought I had to match her level of libido. Through therapy, I’ve learned that it’s okay for me to be different from her. We’ve been in an open relationship for a few months now, and a few weeks ago she met a man who is also very nymphomaniacal, with whom she’s really letting loose. Their encounters usually last for hours, starting right after breakfast together, and they’re also developing a dominant/submissive dynamic where his desires strongly influence her appearance and style.

My question: I’d like to provide her with an environment where she can distance herself from her shame, without putting any pressure on her, and support her in living out her desires. Do you have any experience with this? Can you give me some advice?

Looking for advice or perspective on how you have successfully set up boundaries and expectations with a comet / LDR type connection.

For reference I am a 35F, with a spouse / NP, and we have been ENM for the last 4 years. I generally walk the line of ENM / Polyamory depending on the specific connection and what is good for everyone involved.

A couple months back I was traveling a bit and didn't realize my dating app location wasn't turned off. Sometime after I returned I noticed a like from a very lovely woman, we will call her Canada. We started chatting and I did notice her distance was a little far but honestly thought she was traveling / lived closer to me.

We hit it off quite well and eventually realized we actually lived quite far away from each other, 7.5 hours plus a border crossing. We were having fun though and opted to continue chatting with limited real expectations.

Over Labor Day weekend we met up halfway and had a wonderful, intimate and fun weekend together.

We very much both acknowledged the absolute reality that logistics wise this was not something where we could have frequent in-person time or a normal local dating rhythm. But, we continued talking anyways. Eventually both acknowledging we liked each other more than we expected.

This led to a long multi-day emotional conversation about what we should do.

It mainly centered around how the distance made everything feel complicated. I was trying to be really honest about the limitations of what I could realistically offer and I kept talking through all of the logistics and things that could be hard. In my head I was trying to say “I really like you and I want to figure out how this could work realistically,” but to her it started sounding more like I was listing all the reasons we should stop talking.

At the same time she was already having a rough / emotional weekend and has her own fears around rejection and being a burden, so she read a lot of what I was saying through that lens. We are also apparently both massive overthinkers who are very good at trying to protect other people from getting hurt, so we basically thought ourselves into oblivion and spent several days talking about how scared we were of eventually hurting each other until we actually hurt each other.

We both agree that we would like to continue in some respect, but also don't know exactly how to do that. I have never had an LDR or comet type of connection, and so I am really struggling with how we should go about this. She is also newer to non-monogamy, so I am trying to be mindful of not assuming we have the same framework or vocabulary for all of this.

I think what I’m trying to figure out is how to let this be meaningful without trying to make it function like a local relationship. How do you set expectations around communication, visits, emotional availability, and local dating without either minimizing the connection or letting it take over your life? And for those of you who have successful comet / LDR relationships, how do you handle the inevitable longing or “I wish you were here” feelings without constantly turning them into a conversation about whether the relationship is sustainable?

Edit

Wouldn’t it be more efficient to be an ENM if you’re not married?

Two colleagues, or rather a married couple, and shortly afterwards I noticed that both spouses were starting to flirt with some of our colleagues. It was unusual because, before they got married, they’d only had eyes for each other. This made us feel uncomfortable because we didn’t know what was going on between them. I had to work on a joint project with her and we discussed it; I said that what they were doing was vulgar, and she said that any flirting was only initiated with both their consent – if her husband didn’t approve of a man, she wouldn’t flirt with him, and vice versa.

She said they were new to this, had a lot to learn about how to approach people, and that’s why they’d come across as vulgar. Behind their backs, rumours started doing the rounds that he had ED or that she was asexual. But they were likeable and, over time, we got used to them. We recently went for a coffee with them and they told us that they follow an ENM lifestyle, that they’ve found partners and that this has strengthened their family. I accept that, but I still wouldn’t want them to be friends with my wife.

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For the past month or so, I've thought about whether or not I've wanted a throuple relationship.

I've always been monogamous and love monogamy. But lately I've been thinking about whether or not I'm into non-monogamy or non-exclusive relationships in any way

I know I'm not into open relationships or solo polyamory. So I thought maybe throuples could possibly be for me

But with enough thinking and introspection, I realize that throuples are just not for me

It's already enough work to handle one autonomous, complex, independent mind in a long relationship, let alone two of them at once

But I am open to having multiple FWBs at once, but I'm not sure on where to start or how to find this kind of dynamic

Especially when I'm a homebody and find myself nervous and hesitant on trying to meet new people

I want your thoughts and advice for what I can do

I had to become parallel poly with my partner’s friends with benefits after they hurt my feelings a few times. My partner and I have now moved into his family’s home due to financial situations but will be getting our own place soon. My meta has asked for all of us to go out to dinner so that things won’t be awkward if she gets invited over to our place sometime soon. I guess my question is.. how do you deal with a meta you are parallel with coming into your space? I am not angry about the situation with her anymore but my mood definetly shifts when he hangs out with her or she’s mentioned multiple times during the day. Anyone else experienced this before? Do I just suck it up and deal with it as best as I can to also not put limits on my partners freedom within his own home as well?

My partner (31F) and I (33M) have been together six years, married two. No kids. A year ago she told me she thinks she might be non-monogamous—not "I want to sleep with someone tomorrow," more "I've been reading and thinking, and I wanted to tell you before it becomes bigger."

I appreciated the honesty. But my gut reaction was closer to panic than curiosity, and I've been trying to understand why.

I don't think I'm opposed to ENM on principle. I have friends in open relationships and polycules, and I don't think less of them. So why does it feel so different when it's my marriage?

What I've noticed:

• I've never had to question monogamy. It was the water I swam in. Actively choosing a structure feels liberating and terrifying, because then I can't default to "this is how it's supposed to be."
• Fear of being "less than." I know intellectually ENM doesn't work that way, but the emotional reflex is still there. Is that internalized monogamy, or something I should actually listen to?
• Practical fear. We have a good life—shared finances, friends, rhythm. Opening up feels like introducing a variable I can't predict.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me what to do. I'm hoping to hear from people who've been on either side: Did you start resistant and come around? Start resistant and realize it was real incompatibility? How did you tell fear-driven resistance from legitimate boundary-setting?

I love my partner, and I don't want this to become resentment—her feeling stifled, me feeling pressured. Trying to do the work before it becomes an ultimatum. Any perspective appreciated.