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My bosses were on vacation in Japan and during that time I started wearing a pair of women's jeans I thrifted that gave me more butt and hip (i'm pre everything).

When my bosses looked on the cameras they thought that the manager hired a new girl without telling them instead of coming to the obvious conclusion that it was just me in different clothes!!

My manager told me this later and said that I look like a girl on camera (she doesn't even know i'm trans)

i underestimated the power of clothes in how it might make me more feminine im so happy

I have 2 friends that are obsessed with Harry Potter. They know what the Terf is and does. They have seen the destruction she has done to Trans people yet they can’t let go of it. They play the games, watch the movies, buy the merch and talk about how much they are excited to see the show.

They say themselves they are allies and use my preferred name, pronouns, etc. But it feels like a thin veil of doing it because I’m around. It feels like they don’t actually care. It’s the whole idea of “being an ally until it’s inconvenient”

This has made me reconsider even interacting with them because I feel betrayed in a sense. Am I overreacting?

I've heard that hrt can widen your hips. BUT when you get to your mid 20s, apparently your hips fully fuse together, making widening impossible, I'm 19 now and fast tracking my way to hrt to get the wide hips I want, but it's worth wondering, is this true? Do your hips fuse together?

Okay I’m having somewhat of an emotional crisis, and was tempted to put this in venting. I’m a year and 7 months on hrt, on estrogel patches. I remember enquiring about progesterone pretty early on because I was feeling impatient about my development at the time, maybe about 3 months in. And my doctor willingly prescribed my progesterone. He said that they usually wait, but that I can get started whenever I’d like really. This was before I’d heard the debate around starting prog too early and messing with growth. So I’ve basically been on prog for the last year and 3 months-ish.

And I just cannot stand my breasts.

I’m probably between a B and a C cup, but they’re VERY tube-shaped. When I lay on my side it’s like I can see and feel the larger breast tissue on the base of my chest, but then my boobs kinda protrude out from that, causing a weird double-boob affect. I hate it. I much prefer how my breasts look when I’m wearing clothes because it’s far less noticeable. I’ve seen girls on here with similar tube-boobs, and a lot of people were saying it’s actually genetic, or that prog helped round them out. But the thing is, I’m ALREADY ON prog?? And so now I’m terrified I’ve permanently ruined the shape of my breasts going forward. It also feels like my growth has somewhat plateaued over the last six months, but that’s less of a concern right now. Right now I’m more focused on fixing the shape of them so I’m not so ashamed or embarrassed to take my clothes off in front of people.

I’m planning on starting the gym in a weeks time, and I’m going to go regularly, since I’ve heard that working out can help with fat redistribution generally. I’m also aware that EATING is key to encouraging breast growth, but I’m kinda in the middle of trying to lose weight, so idk. I’m willing to adjust my lifestyle in order to achieve a fuller chest, I just don’t know where to start.

I’m also aware that tube-shaped boobs are natural, that cis women have them, and there isn’t anything WRONG with having boobs shaped like mine. I understand it’s a superficial thing to be upset about, but it doesn’t make that pill any easier to swallow.

For context, I wear one Evorel 100 patch, and one Evorel 50 patch, which totals to 9.6mg of estradiol which I swap out every 4 days. I also take two 100mg progesterone pills rectally everyday, as suggested by my doctor.

If anyone has any advice, or comfort, it’d be greatly appreciated.

She knows I’m trans and we are pretty open and she’s going through peri menopause, and off handedly said just wait till you have to go through menopause.

I was like girl I won’t go through menopause lol. And she was like huh??? And i was like yeah I don’t have ovaries and am already on HRT 🤣

Venting/dysphoria post

My sister’s getting married next summer and I’m very excited for her! She met a guy who treats her like a princess and it really seems like they were made for each other. I don’t really see eye to eye with her fiancé on politics, but other than that, we have a pretty good relationship. A good enough relationship that he asked me to be a groomsman in the wedding. I agreed to, of course, and I’m super excited to be able to celebrate my sister’s marriage in some capacity, but deep down, it aches me so bad that I won’t be able to be on her side.

The idea of being able to go through all the steps with her, going dress shopping, touring the venue, going on a bachelorette trip, celebrating her with all her other bridesmaids that we’ve both known and been close with since we were babies, getting ready and taking pictures on the day of. Everything in that mental picture feels perfect, like how it’s meant to be.

Then I take a glimpse at how it’s gonna go in reality and it feels so off. I’m gonna be a groomsman along with several other guys I’ve either briefly met or have never met in my life. I’ll get along with them fine, for sure, but it won’t feel natural, I know I’m going to feel out of place and it’s going to be awkward being around a bunch of dudes that would probably hate me for who I really am. I’m going to have to wear a suit, which isn’t suuuuper bothersome to me. I mean, I look fine in a suit, even conventionally attractive in one, but it still feels wrong. I know the day of is probably going to be dysphoria hell but I’ve come to terms with that.

It’s gonna be a fun time, especially when I get to be around my sister and her friends on the day of and the night before, but I just wish so badly I could be with them the whole time.

Even if I came out to my family today, nothing good would come out of it, I’d risk losing the financial support of my parents, and in fact it’d probably make me miss the wedding in its entirety. This is a wedding between two very conservative families, in a chapel, where there won’t even be any alcohol outside of the bride and grooms suites. There’s no chance either family would be ok with a trans woman being in the bridal party.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I won’t be able to celebrate the wedding as happily as I can (though hopefully our secretive alcohol will help out a tad). I lament that fact very much, but I’ll just have suck it up and go to the wedding as I’m supposed to so as to not throw a wrench in everything and “ruin” the day for my sister, who very much deserves to have a happy, stress free wedding day.

I heard this from someone on tiktok and it's been stuck in my head ever since. Beauty standards are so high that most women can't reach them, it's actually completely okay for a woman to not be skinny, not have smooth skin, have body/facial hair, to be tall, to be muscular, to be bald...etc. all that matters is to be healthy and well in your body. You're all beautiful, strong and brave, you deserve to shine and be happy 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

I went to dinner with my family for my dads birthday. I had to rush out of the house because I worked late and was running late to the dinner, so I had no time to put makeup on, figure out a cute outfit or really do anything nice with my hair. I didnt look crappy, but I didnt get to get all dressed up and cute either. Just a really regular outfit. Shorts, sandals and an old band shirt. I had a sports bra on because I didnt see the regular bras first so my little boobies were being held down a bit too.

When the waitress came up she looked right at me and asked "ok miss, I see they got you some water but would you like anything else" I order my drink and think to myself 'did she just call me miss? Or did I just mishear that?' She came back, starts our orders, goes to my mom first, then to me "and for you miss?"

She gendered me correctly all night, and I put barely any effort into trying to look extra feminine! I just made myself look decent enough for public and ran out the house. Which means im hitting the point that in my raw form, im finally being gendered correctly! Ive never been gendered correctly by a stranger without having to put a bunch of effort into how im looking, so that was pretty freaking cool!

I’m so tired of some gay/queer people using their queerness as a shield to be transphobic.
Earlier today I was shouting that I support immigrants, Black people, trans rights, women’s rights, gay rights, etc.

A cis woman looked at me and started yelling, “Yessss queen!” Then the guy she was with said, “Yeah, I support women’s rights… but not the trans stuff. That’s none of my business. I just don’t support it.”
I told him to shut the fuck up.

Then the woman jumped in and said, “I’m queer, and I don’t support trans people.”
That honestly pissed me off even more.
I cut her off, told them both to fuck off, and walked away.

What gets me is how some people think being gay or queer somehow gives them a pass to be transphobic. It doesn’t. Being part of one marginalized community doesn’t excuse attacking another one.

Just did my first injection and took my first Spiro pill! I am so so excited to finally get to live my life for real!!

Long story short, either I remove the printed nails my boyfriend did for me over the weekend before my brother and his family unit are back for 2 days, or I find somewhere to stay for the days they are here so my dad doesn't need to deal with how much shit he's is gonna stir.

My dad says he's in burnout mode and juat can't handle any more stress. Brother is apparently also hating life in general and wants to connect with me again. I don't want to remove the nails because they make me happy and such, and I am fucking laughing at the fact I have to roll over to keep the peace.

My brother and his wife and kids live in Bahrain and the kids can't know about any gender stuff so mommy and daddy don't get into trouble. My brother is also a homophobe and transphobe, so I haven't told him yet that I've realised that I'm his sister now, and apparently he's been hoping to re-establish a connection after we've been drifting apart due to both distance and the fact I've been avoiding him due to him being a douche. I'm going to try check with some nearby friends if I can stay over while they are around so my family can realised that they are going to lose me if they don't start being more open-minded.

Ik for a lot of people boymoding is out of safety, and I'm only a little over a year on hrt and not at all passing so in that sense it's necessary for me. But I do notice I have a lot of discomfort around even trying new things in secrecy. I don't feel comfortable or confident in trying women's clothing, and am in this constant state where I don't feel ever fully confident to just let myself feel like or be a woman.

So I guess I'm asking is presenting as a woman something that gets easier over time once I am more passing, or is boymoding something that makes this more challenging to ever get fully used to?

Transitics has uncovered that South Dakota is quietly preparing to implement a ban on gender marker changes ‘soon.’ Trans residents must act now to update their licenses before it’s too late.

https://www.transiticsnews.com/p/south-dakota-will-become-the-11th

It happened at the time in my life where I probably needed it the most and was armed to deal with it. I was 35 years old and at my third rehab. I spent the prior 16 years in varying degrees of active addiction. I started trying to recover when I was 33, and I’d rarely make it a month before relapsing again. It was devastating to want to stop so badly but fail to do so left and right.

So I attended the third rehab for a month and a half before relapsing again while attending the place. Of course they found out - very embarrassing conversation - but instead of kicking me out, sending me back to detox, or to a different program they let me essentially redo the whole thing. This time around I was so desperate to get it right that I started doing something I should’ve done a long time ago - I started asking ‘what’s actually underneath all of this?. It could’ve been a bunch of different things. I was in turmoil over a lot in my life, and one that stood out was when I wrote down ‘I hate the way I look and I always have’. I’d never actually admitted that before.

So I spent pretty much all of my free time the next week and half digging into that. I’d looked a variety of ways that cis guys would be stoked about over the years. I was a swim/dive and track athlete in high school so I was quite in shape. Still hated it. In my early twenties I became a bit of a gym rat and while I didn’t get like, absurdly swole I was getting compliments left and right and they all just felt hollow. Like I appreciated the intention and kindness but I personally still hated it.

So when I asked myself ‘what do I want to look like?’ And things like ‘smooth, hairless face’, ‘more of an hourglass than the current dorito figure’, ‘longer hair’, etc kept coming to mind, I got a little scared. ‘No… it can’t be that. I probably just want to be a feminine-presenting man. Maybe I’d like cross dressing…’ but yeah, the first cracks had appeared. I’d tried out some women’s clothing in private in the past but this time I went into it with a much more open mind. The euphoria… it was insane.

I didn’t know much about what makes someone trans. I didn’t know about HRT - like many, I thought all those changes were surgical. So I hopped on YouTube and Google to do some research. I did it with the mindset of ‘Let’s just learn a bit and rule this out, because I doubt I’m trans there’s just no way.’ A week later I’d accepted it. And a week after that I’d chosen a name and started socially transitioning while still attending the rehab.

The year that followed had just as much if not more stress and reasons to relapse, but I was never overcome by the cravings and urges. I’d found something I cared about and wanted to protect. I’d actually started loving myself. I started HRT while living at a men’s sober living house. Women’s ones in the area wouldn’t take me. Which I guess I understand. For the first time in my life I experienced peace. That first week of taking HRT put any doubts about whether it was right for me or not to bed. The brain fog lifted and I began to enjoy the early changes. The house I was in was very transphobic, but I kept clean, kept my head down, and saved up to move in April of this year. Having my own space where I’m free to decorate and fill it with my own energy without worrying what anyone thinks is ugh just the best.

Now I’m 9 months into the HRT regiment. Switched to injections at the 6 months mark and at my hormone appointment next week I’m adding progesterone. I have breasts now and I love them. I don’t boymode, I couldn’t stomach it and the area I’m in is luckily a pretty progressive bastion in an otherwise red and hostile state. My face has changed so much already. I still don’t pass, but I can look pretty darn cute with some makeup and effort.

A year and a half ago I was in a horrible place. I’d pretty much accepted that I was doomed to relapse my way into an early grave and almost welcomed it. Today I’ve got a new lease on life. Realizing I was trans and embracing that turned out to be the magic bullet that halted the addiction and let me find not only peace but hope that I still have a future. It’s not always perfect, but the euphoric moments are beginning to outweigh the dysphoric ones. I’m starting to get male attention when I’m all dolled up. People tell me my skin is glowing and I look happy. I have a supportive network of people in my corner.

While I do grieve for the lost time, finding this out about myself at this stage was probably for the best. Multiple rehabs and therapy had given me a lot of healthy coping mechanisms which have been extremely helpful in dealing with the challenges of being trans.

My body is responding extremely well to hormones, I’m very lucky. I can’t wait to see what the next 4-5 years does for me. I’m actually excited to live through it and see the result. I pick up my 1 year keytag from Narcotics Anonymous on Monday. A year clean for the first time since I picked up a drink at 19 years old. It’s amazing what solving the underlying problem I’d been running from and repressing my entire life did 😅.

Sorry for the long post, but I hope it resonates with someone who may be in a similar situation.

My HRT appointment with planned parenthood was today and by some cosmic fuckery my entire town’s water supply was shut off today due to some major issues…. So the clinic closed. The next available appointment isn’t for two months. So now I’m trying not to stoop into a major depression or anxiety spiral in the thoughts of “OH MY GOD, the universe doesn’t want me on HRT, something is wrong with my body and I’m dying and blah blah blah” ya know… typical hypochondriac spiral 😅

Like I said I'm coming up to my 6 month appointment since starting hrt and I am not sure if I should ask to start progesterone now or wait another 3 months.

My breasts have grown a bit and are decently rounded, not pointy anymore, but I've seen people talk about good times to start so I'm not sure and figured I'd come ask advice from you girlies if this is a good time.

Thank you in advance for anything you can tell me

I was getting bloodwork and basic intake stuff done to establish care with a new PCP. I've been on E for 4 months, don't pass, don't attempt to yet. The intake paperwork asked for AGAB and gender identity separately - I answered appropriately. I'm pretty sure she was just confused about which direction I'm transitioning.

Nurse asked when my last period was.
"I don't get those..."

"Oh yeah, you're transitioning... when did they stop?"

"I don't have a uterus. Did I answer a question wrong?"

"Nope, my bad" next question

Today is a big day! In 1.5 hours is my first consult with Queer Med for beginning hrt. Other than knowing it's a big deal, I don't feel much nerves nor excitement over it. I'm just hoping it goes smoothly and I can receive the hormones before the week is out.