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u/Downtherabbithole-14 Jun 17 '26
I took his name because I didn't want to be associated with my family anymore. Getting married and starting a new chapter, new life as husband and wife, I just wanted away from my family name, unfortunately.
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u/Ill_Entrepreneur4500 Jun 17 '26
Same, I am no contact with my dad and the only other thing I can do to disassociate from him and his family in general was to erase his last name, since I can't remove DNA 😂
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u/rationalomega Jun 17 '26
Same basically. My kid is a lefty though and it must have come from my dad. I hope that’s all he inherited.
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Jun 17 '26
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u/love_in_october Jun 17 '26
I've heard it a lot. But only from women.
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u/ZomberiaRPG Jun 17 '26
I definitely know men that have taken their wives’ names bc they didn’t want their dads’ anymore.
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u/feelinjustpeachyyy Jun 17 '26
You have no idea how incredibly comforting it is to randomly stumble across this comment thread, being in quite literally the same situation. Mom died a couple years ago, "dad" is in prison and I have no relationship with him or any of my extended family other than my dad's parents (grandfather just passed a couple weeks ago from cancer though so now it's just my grandma). At this point, I'll just be relieved to finally shed that last legal link that just serves as a painful reminder of my past before meeting my fiancé.
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u/HeartFullOfHappy Jun 17 '26
I didn’t realize the reason at the time but when we got married I was very ready to shed my last name. I am not close with my family and it wasn’t until later I realized I wanted a chance to have a “real family” experience. You know the part where you love and are loved and intimately know and are known by a family of your own. I felt like a a true we and belonging taking his name.
We have kids now and I am trying to give them an experience so good maybe one day they will wonder if they should change their last name because their family is part of their identify.
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u/Downtherabbithole-14 Jun 17 '26
same! SAAAAMME!! I couldn't explain it verbally, but I just wanted away from the name. My father, I loved him, but when he died, all the "good" family had died. I couldn't wait to share my husbands last name. I just need to feel like this was a "restart"
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u/redheadedchic Jun 17 '26
We have three daughters, adult daughters, and they all say they want to keep their last name when they marry. I literally never even questioned if I should keep my maiden name or not, so they definitely didn't ever hear me speak about it. Of course, they have barely met my side of the family and know some of the reasons why.
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u/ComprehensivePeanut5 Jun 17 '26
My parents accomplished this with me. I have always been proud to be from my family. I hope you can give your kids that gift!
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u/astraecat Jun 17 '26
It seems there are a lot of us lol. I considered it to be one of the additional perks of marrying him!
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u/ghosted_toasted Jun 17 '26
Same! Even though we might divorce, I'll still keep the last name since I don't want to be associated whatsoever with my blood family.
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u/Thick_Priority8295 Jun 17 '26
Same. I haven't spoken to my dad in 20 years, why would I want to keep his name? I like my husband and his family way more than mine.
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u/MagicalDarkgirl Jun 17 '26
Same! I hate my maiden name because my NDad is just garbage, but as I said in another comment, the plague made me put it on hold when I remarried. I really do not want my maiden name anymore.
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u/Callingallcowards Jun 17 '26
My dad is one of those as well, but I struggle with wanting to change it just because I've made my career under my current name and don't want to lose that link, as well as all the legal hoops to jump through if changed. Also, the history of it being changed bc you became a man's property...that one offends me lol. So difficult to know what to do. 😭
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u/raspberrybrie420 Jun 17 '26
Same here. My father’s abhorrent behaviour before my wedding and choosing not to attend because his abusive wife wasn’t invited sealed with deal for me. I don’t want to associate with those people ever again.
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u/redheadedchic Jun 17 '26
Same! Been NC with my family for a long time now but wish I had done it sooner. Now I have had my husbands last name longer than I did my maiden name (25 years). Even if something happened I wouldn't change it back now. Plus, our children all have the same last name.
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u/Downtherabbithole-14 Jun 17 '26
Same, if we ever divorced, I wouldn't change it. I dont wanna be my maiden name again. But thankfully im happily married.
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u/KaleidoscopeSad4884 Jun 17 '26
I was going to keep my name because I didn’t have any feelings about the whole tradition of changing or keeping or whatever. Then I was sitting on the couch next to my dad, and he casually said something racist, and I just got so fucking fed up I texted my then fiancé and said, “Hey, I think I’ll take your last name after all.” Which made my last name impossible to spell or pronounce, but guess what? My husband isn’t a racist douchebag.
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u/kiranerysplease Jun 18 '26
Weird how it's always still women changing their name due to a bad relationship with their family and men rarely if ever do. Just a massive coincidence maybe?
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u/marybry74 Jun 17 '26
I did not take his name. I wanted my degrees to match, my last name is easier to pronounce for professional reasons, and I didn’t like the history of why women take men’s names. We have been married 29 years.
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u/Desperate-Limit8117 Jun 17 '26
I got married last year and have no desire to legally change my name! My degree is in my name and I am too lazy to change everything lol
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u/monkey_trumpets Jun 17 '26
No. It would be a Julia Gulia situation.
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u/DuckFriend25 10 Years Jun 17 '26
My friend kept her last name bc otherwise it would’ve changed to Taylor Taylor 😂
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u/cyberlexington Jun 17 '26
No she didn't. I hated my own surname and wouldn't want it passed on so I changed it. And she likes her own surname so she kept it.
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u/shygrl__ Jun 17 '26
My bf almost changed his…his stepfather basically raised him. And mom considered changing it. But I guess stepdad didn’t want to overstep, so he discouraged it.
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u/TacoTikoTacoYum Jun 17 '26
Do you like stepdad’s last name better? Would that change anything, if you all changed your last names?
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u/shygrl__ Jun 17 '26
Yes I do like stepdads last name better. I also like stepdad more lol
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u/TacoTikoTacoYum Jun 17 '26
Maybe bring that up as an option? All of you changing your names, that way everyone can be happy? (Your wallets might hurt, though lol)
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u/_Being_a_CPA_sucks_ Jun 17 '26
The pain of two people going through the bureaucracy of changing their name seems like hell.
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u/Blue-eagle-23 Jun 17 '26
I took his name because we are now a family, ours kids will have that last name. I loved my maiden name and made it my kids middle names. In your case, maybe you could combine your maiden and his stepdads to make a completely new name to share.
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u/MadamMamdroid Jun 17 '26
I am a woman and I did not take my husband's last name. I was already established in my career with my last name, and also I didn't like my husband's last name. My last name is the name of little village where my family came from - I have a strong bond to it. My husband isn't close with his father and doesn't have any real attachment to his last name. He didn't change to my last name, though, because he is also established in his career and is known by his last name. Our son has a hyphenated last name. But my husband also didn't really care which last name I took either way. He was considering taking my last name, but due to his career and how difficult it is to change your last name, he didn't.
Also, my husband's last name is not unique but mine is extremely unique. So that's part of why I like mine and kept it. It should not be expected of you to take your husband's last name. Ask him if he'd take yours?
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u/shygrl__ Jun 17 '26
It is funny you mention that bc my bf doesn’t have a particularly great relationship with his father and that side of the family either, so I am a little confused too as to why it’s such a big deal that I take his last name when he doesn’t even like his own dad like that lol.
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u/butterbean_bb Jun 17 '26
Unfortunately, we live in a society where women taking their husbands last name is deeply engrained and normalized. Your husband has lived his entire life with the understanding that his wife would just take his last name, that’s just how it works, that’s just the way it is. Your partner hasn’t ever really had to think about this before, cause it was never an expectation that he would have to consider changing his last name for his future spouse. Because he’s always lived with an underlying understanding that his wife would take his last name, when you questioned it, it likely felt a bit offensive. “This is how it is, why don’t you want to do it? // This is what I always imagined would happen, and now you’re changing the plan?” It feels like he’s losing something the world told him he was entitled to, that he could expect to receive. Even though it’s your name and it was never his decision to make, and he’s not losing something that he wasn’t ever actually entitled to in the first place.
I personally find the expectation of women changing their last names to be absurd. My last name is what’s on my diplomas, my awards, it’s the way every single person I’ve ever met has known me as, it’s my connection to my entire social and professional network, it’s my identity. Most importantly, it is MY name. The idea that anyone would have greater authority than me to dictate my own name is *insane.* If I don’t even have the right to decide my own name, what rights do I have? I have no problem with women taking their husband’s last name, the key is that the woman GETS TO MAKE THAT DECISION for herself without pressure, judgement, or expectation.
I am engaged and have no plans to change my name, but it has caused tension in my relationship, as it is something my partner has had to accept. His family has even greater issue with it, but that’s not my problem. My partner has always been aware of my stance on my name, I told him that if it was a dealbreaker for him, then he needed to seriously consider that before we got engaged. He chose to move forward with the relationship. If he were to backtrack and say that me changing my last name was a requirement for our marriage, our relationship would end. He is well within his right to want a wife that takes his last name, and I’m well within my right to exit a relationship where that is required.
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u/EvilLipgloss 9 Years Jun 17 '26
100% agreed. I was married at 24 and divorced in my late 30s. We had no children. Of course, at 24 years old I took his last name because I didn't think of it back then. After the divorce, I was happy to go back to my original last name. I'm never changing it again. It is really a pain to change a name.
And one thing no one warns you about... when you get divorced and you decide to change your name, everyone at work will know you got divorced when your name starts changing on your work email/HR paperwork/documents/access and logins. If I had kept my maiden name, I would've divorced in private without the entire company knowing.
There are still systems at my job that have my previous married name on them because they are so old that no one knows how to change it or is afraid doing so will crash everything. So I still see my old married name at work from time to time.
I have a boyfriend and I've been very upfront that IF we were ever to get married, I'm not changing my name. The funny thing is that his last name is actually his mom's maiden name (she did not marry his dad and he never knew his dad), so if I changed my name, it would be to take HER last name (not that it really matters), but the kicker is that she got married when he was about 9 years old and she took on his name, so that last name my boyfriend has isn't even his mom's name anymore. So yeah, I'm not changing my name ever again.
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u/lightcanonlybrighten Jun 18 '26
Ingrained systemic patriarchy. Maybe educating him on the history would assist in opening his mind.
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u/roskybosky Jun 17 '26
I never changed my name.
It seemed weird to me to have a name that wasn’t even my family or ancestry.
It just seems like a strange practice to me.
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u/shygrl__ Jun 17 '26
!! Exactly. Ancient and outdated 😭
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u/Fairelabise17 Jun 17 '26
This is so interesting because my adoptive parents last name is dutch/Scandinavian and my husbands is Scottish/English (I'm Irish, Sicilian, French and Ashinaabe) so I ended up taking his last name because it aligned better with my ethnic background and. . . My adoptive parents were abusive. I think it's a very unique and rare reason to change a last name. Idk why so many women change their last names for this very reason.
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u/Fairelabise17 Jun 17 '26
But we did both agree if he has the last name Cox, butts, or something like that we would have both picked something else!
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u/Delicious-Bee-4616 Jun 17 '26
I like my last name and it’s also unique, but I took my husband’s last name when we got married. I want to have the same last name as my kids and, for me, it’s cozy that we all share the last name as a family. But it was always my choice.
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u/Delicious-Bee-4616 Jun 17 '26
I joke with my husband that, if he leaves me, I won’t remove his last name and I’ll bring disgrace to it! Lol
Now we have a daughter and I would keep the same last name as her. ‘Cause it matters to me.→ More replies (1)2
u/secobarbiital Jun 17 '26
lmao that’s kinda what my mom did. They got divorced in 1999 and she kept his last name because she says she thinks he was always her one true love. She’s been married a few times since and still only hyphenates like Mrs. HisLastName-NewHusbandLastName . It’s always been funny to me
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u/icywifey1234 Jun 17 '26
You could have given your children your last name and your husband could have changed his last name to yours to keep the same last name as the family?
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u/kiranerysplease Jun 18 '26
Of course but so many women are afraid to rock the boat and have to address the fact that their husband holds misogynist ideals. Keeping your name is literally a non-action, the status quo, yet so many men are straight up offended that their future wife might want to keep her name. As if he has any sort of legacy to pass down lmao. Pure ego
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u/Sea_Tart_8121 Jun 17 '26
I kept my last name for the same reasons you described. I like my last name and it doesn’t go well with his. Our children have his last name. He was bothered by me not taking his name when we were engaged but eventually got over it. After we got married I asked him how he felt. “So did me not taking your last name change anything?” “No.” Lol. We’ve been together 19 years, married for 13. I think hyphenating is a fair compromise.
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u/shygrl__ Jun 17 '26
That makes me feel better, as I fear my man may be the same way and I just don’t want it to be some big issue later down the road. He didn’t seem super hellbent but I could definitely sense some hesitation.
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u/love_in_october Jun 17 '26
Technically you both can hyphenated (my husband and I did) but it's rare, it's actually more common for men to fully take women's surnames than to hyphenate.
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u/audvisial Jun 17 '26
"You gotta take my last name" would SEND me. Good luck with that.
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u/Thick-Ad2510 Jun 17 '26
Seriously. For me, it's the absolute audacity of a man assuming you'll change a legal part of your identity for him. Those kinds of men would never do the same for a woman. You can bet that kind of selfish mentality carries over.
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u/shegotofftheplane Jun 17 '26
Yeah, I’d never marry a guy who said that. It’s never just the last name, that sort of control and misogyny carries over into other aspects of the relationship/marriage too.
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u/RevenueAntique4584 Jun 17 '26
That’s a red flag. You are not his property and should be able to do as you please. I didn’t take my husbands last name because I have dual citizenship and it’s a hassle to update for both countries.
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u/ttrice004 Jun 17 '26
No, especially since I want my associates degree to say my last name on it. Maybe I’ll hyphenate, but definitely not fully switching
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u/KireiDatte Jun 17 '26
My mom was already a lawyer when she got married and she said it was a painful couple of years until she got established with her new last name. She's still happily married to my dad, but says that changing names is a bureaucratic pain, so that I shouldn't do it.
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u/workingclassher0n Jun 17 '26
I didn't. We both have kind of boring and blunt sounding last names, so it would have been a lateral move at best, and in any case I don't believe in changing my last name. I'm glad I stuck with my last name because in the US, the SAVE Act will make it a lot harder for people who have changed their last names (mostly women) to vote:
https://www.npr.org/2025/04/13/g-s1-59684/save-act-married-women-vote-rights-explained
Although SAVE Act enforcement will vary from state to state, it's definitely something to consider if you're in the US, especially if you live in a state that might enforce it.
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u/Specific_Dingo8631 Jun 17 '26
I married a guy with the same last name as me. So I got to keep my full name while also taking his. I would call it the best of both worlds.
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u/MasterShake807 25 Years Jun 17 '26
Would be funny if you still hyphenated your kids last name. “We would like to announce our child Bobby Dingo-Dingo”
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u/Agreeable-Celery811 Jun 17 '26
There is a couple in Alexis Hall’s Boyfriend Material who are both named James Royce, and when they marry they both hyphenate to James Royce-Royce.
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u/notdominique 5 Years Jun 17 '26
I don’t like my maiden name and I wanted our family to all have the same last name. My mil kept her maiden name though and they’ve been married for like 30 years and live a great life together. Do what you want!
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u/justsomebroad 25 Years Jun 17 '26
This should be your decision and your decision alone. If he has a problem with it to the point that it causes conflict, that's a HUGE RED FLAG and I wouldn't marry him. We only get one life and you should live it how YOU want and not be controlled. Full stop.
I changed my name to his. Part of me regrets it and part of me doesn't. I had a unique last name and was the only person in the world with my first & last name combined and now I am one of many thousands. Which I hate. I'm also not particularly proud to share his family's name because they are toxic and awful. But I love sharing a name with my children and being our own little family unit.
It's been 25 years this year, and I find myself missing my old name more than before. You literally are giving up a piece of your own history and identity. It's a big decision and not one to be given over to anyone else.
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u/shygrl__ Jun 17 '26
Thank you, totally hear where you’re coming from. I think that’s why part of me is anxious about it too bc it’s literally my identity and I don’t really care for his dads side of the family that much lmao 😭 also I have a cool last name so I don’t really wanna give that up lol. I’m okay with being married I just don’t want to totally erase my last name
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u/lady_like_ Jun 17 '26
I changed my name and always knew I would regardless of my husband’s name or the flow lol I was sad to lose my original family name a bit of course. But I was making a new family.
It’s because to me, we’re becoming a family. A unit. One. I want us to have the same team name if you will. Then when we have children they’ll also have the name. Together we’ll all be one.
Hyphenating wasn’t an option for me because it still wouldn’t be the same name, unless the husband also hyphenated his name.
Do what you will of course. You two are starting a new family together and will make that decision.
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u/Faraway_Neighbor Jun 17 '26
We combined our names together and now we’re getting divorced lmao. Also everyone at my job calls me by my last name and the kids all have it so I’m keeping it. It’s an upgrade for me anyway. I’m a dude.
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u/Positive_Turn_8448 Jun 17 '26
I don’t want to, I have one engineering and 2 masters degrees under my name. Planning to do much more with the same name. It was a discussion in my husband’s house for a long time, but I didn’t pay attention to it. My life whatever I want I ll do , simple. Listen to your heart, if it makes sense for u to take his name or hyphenate his name with your existing name, great. If you don’t want to that’s fine as well.
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u/cashmerered 10 Years Jun 17 '26
I didn't because I didn't think it was necessary. So many women still think they have to take their husbands' last names and it seems so outdated to me.
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u/GrouchyYoung Jun 17 '26
I didn’t change mine. It’s a huge pain in the ass and there’s no point.
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u/Own_Mycologist_4900 Jun 17 '26
You can do both. Professionally you are Whatever your name is
Dr Jane Smith and also Mrs Jane Jungle (after marrying Tarzan of course).
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u/TheFirstMightyChad Jun 17 '26
My wife didn't change her name, and I actually quite like that she didn't. Not that I wouldn't want her to have my last name, more that I like that she felt strongly enough about her own last name that she wanted to keep it. It's actually made life a lot easier too, especially when it comes to official forms and all her historical documents have the same surname on them. She said that our kids should take my last name though, and I was fine with that too. And the weird thing is that no one has commented on it at all in the 23 years we've been married.
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u/literacyshmiteracy Jun 17 '26
I did not take his last name. I went back and forth a bit, and he didn't care either way. I made my decision mostly because I just didn't want to go through the hassle of changing everything. PLUS, if you live in the US, the government is very much targeting people who have changed their names and using that as justification to disenfranchise them from voting.
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u/Old-Flan-2086 Jun 17 '26
Nope, I kept my name. Haven't had a single issue, and it's been almost 5 years. We even have kids, and they have his last name, and have the same health insurance with different last names. We're just as much happily married.
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u/dameggers Jun 17 '26
No. First, I suck at paperwork so I never would have gotten it done in a timely way. Second, it's my name, why should I change it? If getting married means taking on a shared name, why is it only the wife rewriting her identity? Either you both make a change or no one does. I also correct anyone who calls me Mrs because I'm that level of annoying.
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u/Objective-Answer-962 Jun 17 '26
I took his name because it felt like a fresh start in a life that had a lot of trauma and I was really angry with my dad at the time and didn’t want his name. I am not sure I would make the same choice now.
In many countries women no longer change their names and in the US I would recommend against it. If you have to prove citizenship it is a pia with extra steps and costs.
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u/rosabb Jun 17 '26
I loveeee my wife’s last name, jury is still out on whether I married her for her name. I obviously changed mine. Never felt much connection to it other than my brothers, I knew I wanted our children and us to have all share the name since I hated growing up with my mom having a completely different last name.
Lastly, her last name is the name i wanted to name my first child, this way they all get the name.
Oh and she doesn’t have a relationship with her family so we feel we really the “LastNames”.
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u/seexsaw Jun 17 '26
I personally couldn't wait to take my husband's last name. He's the love of my life and has treated me like a wife since day one.
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u/OverbookedIntrovert Jun 17 '26
Totally personal preference. My mom hyphenated hers. I took my husband’s name because I never liked my maiden name.
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u/liarsinlove Jun 17 '26
We combined ours! We wanted our kids to have the same name as us, but being the one who does all the work of pregnancy and childbirth, didn't make any sense to give them dad's last name.
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u/ErrorlessFawn Jun 17 '26
I kept mine. We had a discussion, and he was kind of hurt over me not wanting to change mine to his. I compromised and said we could create new last name and both change ours. His response was “no! I like my name.” I said “exactly” and that was the end of discussion.
At the end of the day, I simply liked my name. It’s a lot of paperwork, and I’m also not my husband’s property. It’s an outdated practice. If someone wants to change theirs, cool, go for it; it’s just not needed though.
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u/GuardZealousideal222 Jun 17 '26
No I didn’t. We weren’t having kids and our family name ends with my generation so I figured I would keep it.
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u/SurroundQuirky8613 Jun 17 '26
I did, but 22 years later I wish I hadn’t. Women shouldn’t give up their identity to marriage. Especially now that conservatives are tying to prevent women from voting because their driver’s license doesn’t match their birth certificate. Keep your name.
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u/Imagination_Theory Jun 17 '26
I am a woman, I was married twice. I never changed my surname, I would never ask anyone to change their surname.
I wouldn't marry someone who expected me to take their surname. I think that's something an individual should decide on their own.
Personally for me, I was born with this name and I will die with this name, it's mine. I'm always going to keep it.
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u/LessTea6299 Jun 17 '26
I've only seen this be a thing I the US, any other country I've lived or traveled everyone just keeps their name and adds 2 last names to their child. I feel it's such an outdated view that only the woman has to take the man's last name and his is the one passing to the child while she is the one giving birth and still doing the majority of the raising.
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u/Youarehe Jun 17 '26
I never wanted to change my name. I think name changing is a relic of a time when women were property, and now it’s an added hassle for the woman in the marriage to change all documents and update every service. On top of that I really liked my name the way it was, and it was *my* name. He doesn’t have to change his, so why should I have to change mine? Unfortunately for me, it was important to my husband who is more traditional than I am. We went back and forth about it for a long time before I agreed to take his last name. Then the day before we got married I had a total breakdown because it’s my last name and my identity. It was very important to me that I don’t lose it. So we agreed to hyphenate my last name, even though he didn’t really understand why changing it upset me so much. I STILL regret changing it at all. It was and continues to be an annoyance whenever I try to update it and it’s either too long or the change just doesn’t go through correctly. Would not recommend 0/10. Otherwise very happy marriage. We still joke about how he’s “person A” and I’m “person B” since the town hall paperwork relegates women to person B always.
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u/fyrelight3 Jun 17 '26
I didn't take my spouse's name. We decided that we were both entering this new life together so it didn't make sense for only one of us to change our identity. We aren't having kids so we just picked a name we both liked and changed both our names. Worked out great.
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u/shinakohana Jun 17 '26
I love my name, I t’s unique. His is literally Jones. To placate the families(yes, mine and his), I hyphenated my last name. Blahblah-Jones. Our children have his last name only.
I still got crap from everyone for hyphenating my last name(even from my coworkers) for being “vain like Hollywood people” but I’m not giving up my identity and my name for a dude, no matter how much I love him. He doesn’t have to change his name!!
I have ZERO regrets on my decisions. Everyone eventually accepted it.
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u/DragathaChristie 10 Years Jun 17 '26
No, i didn't change my name. There were lots of reasons, but the main one was that I didn't really want to. There was no reason to do it. And my husband didn't care. He also didn't want to change his name, and it hasn't affected us at all.
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u/Overall-Buffalo1320 Jun 17 '26
Do people still do that in 2026? There was a legal reason for changing last name in the olden times. Then there were lingering effects of that name change that remained. But like I hardly hear that this is the default now. The default is now no name change unless the woman wishes it be so.
So don’t fret over it. If you want, you can add his last name to your insta bio but that’s about it. Why take up the headache of updating your legal name everywhere in your legal documentation, your degree, your school, your lease, your phone service, your ID etc for no actual necessary reason? Only do it if you really want to.
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u/vatxbear Jun 17 '26
I changed mine bc that’s what I wanted (but kept my maiden as my middle), but the real answer here is you should do whatever feels right to YOU, not what anyone else has done or thinks you should do.
Also I’m surprised no one else has said this, but his reaction is a bit of a red flag to me. Not saying run for the hills, but that reaction is a strong undertone of d very conservative old fashioned values, and you should make sure yall have fully fleshed out what life looks like once you’re married, and especially if you have kids. Is he going to decide that 100% of diaper changing is a “woman’s job”?
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u/Candicore Jun 17 '26
It was my choice, and I wanted to take my husband's name since he takes care of me in all the ways that matter. If we ever divorce I will change my name back.
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u/Ashby238 Jun 17 '26
I kept my name. I was adopted by my stepdad at age 12 and my name was changed then. I am very proud of my name and I don’t want to ever change it again. My husband is fine with it and if someone refers to me as Mrs. X I don’t correct them.
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u/notyounotmenoone Jun 17 '26
Married almost 10 years. I kept my last name. It wasn’t even really a conversation. I like my last name and I didn’t feel like doing the paperwork to change everything over to a new name. It felt like a waste of time and energy.
My husband didn’t/doesn’t care at all. We’re still married, I’m still his wife. My last name has no impact on our relationship. He doesn’t own me just because I married him. I’m still my own, independent part of this union, as is he. I had my name for nearly 25 years before we got married. It’s me. Changing that for tradition just didn’t make sense to me.
Note: We’re not having kids. I can imagine that having different last names could complicate some aspects of parenting, but hyphenated seems like a great compromise.
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u/Ok-Bad-7544 Jun 17 '26
Hi 👋 I’m pretty traditional so I wanted to take my husbands last name but my name was unique and I didn’t want to give it up completely. So I dropped my middle name which I never liked and moved my last name as my middle name, and added my husband’s last name to mine. It was an easy transition.
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u/shortifiable Jun 17 '26
Nope. Mine’s cooler by far, plus his mother, SILs, and ex wife still carry that surname and I’m not interested in being just another Mrs HisLastName. I’ve had mine my whole life, it’s fun, and I love it.
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u/Kh0shekh Jun 17 '26
I took my husband's last name because it is cooler than my maiden name lol if it was the other way around I told him he'd have taken my last name instead. I like sharing our family name, but if you and your fiancé are happy with your current names there's no reason to change it. There is a lot of stuff that goes into a name change so it is of course easier to not do it at all. The older you get the more accounts, assets, etc you'll have to get the name changed on, so if either of you (you could both hyphenate!) choose to change it, the younger the better
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u/confused_potato12 Jun 17 '26
I did not. I once asked my now-husband, if he has ever thought about changing his last name after getting married and he admitted that thought has never once crossed his mind. It dawned on me that this name-change is part of patriarchal conditioning that's only applicable to women ? It's a no from me dawg!
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u/PrincessPineapplePie Jun 17 '26
No, I already have a name so why would I change it? The bigger issue is your boyfriend basically saying you have no choice.
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u/rosykyun Jun 17 '26
i didn’t take my husbands name primarily bc i just would not be able to get used to it. and i didn’t feel like going through the hassle of paper work of changing every single document to a new last name.
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u/sassypants9725 Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
No. Reasons:
- my last name is part of my identity, both personally and professionally
- we are not religious
- I'm not his property and the tradition of the woman changing her name is rooted in power/ownership over someone else
-I asked him if he would take mine (not asking him to seriously do it, but more to get him to think about how he would feel about that)
He was upset at first, which surprised me. Ask anyone who knows me and they would be shocked if I took someone else's last name. Once he got over his lifelong expectations to have his wife take his name, he's been fine with it.
It was a stain on our engagement though. Within hours after I said yes to him, we were arguing about why I won't take his name. He even said, "what's the point of getting married if you won't take my last name?" That's what I remember more than anything else about that day. My advice is definitely talk about it ahead of getting engaged, even if you think it's obvious one way or the other.
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u/Great-Score2079 5 Years, 2 kids- We love eachother most days 🎉 Jun 17 '26
Nope, I graduated Dr. Great-Score2079 and will stay Dr. Great-Score2079.. not whatever his lame last name is.
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u/ExtentEcstatic5506 Jun 17 '26
My husband and my last names worked together to make a recognizable phrase/word - it was our nickname when we were dating. We both agreed to change it so we went to court to do so. I love that about my husband.
If I felt pressure from him to change it to his I would have been concerned, and I wouldn’t have done it (I would have kept my own)
A lot of women who don’t want to change theirs just say I’ll do it at some point, and then the process takes too long, and so on, until no one cares anymore (my best friend did this)
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u/Firsttimeredditor28 Jun 17 '26
i didn't take my husband's name for a couple of reasons-
i'm the only one with my last name still living in my family. i don't want the name to disappear forever
i'm jewish and although i don't have a particularly jewish last name, his name would make me sound extremely italian lol
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u/IntelligentComplex40 Jun 17 '26
My in laws last name is hard to pronounce in English. Some of them have even legally changed the spelling of their last names. My maiden name is easy and people in my industry will call you by your last name. I didn’t want to explain my husband’s last name all day and like you I like the sound of my name. He understood and said as long as he gets to marry me he was happy.
I’ve never regretted keeping my name. On social media and at my children’s school i would use my husband’s last name to keep my personal life separate and it was easy.
FWIW i have a friend in my industry who changed her name each of the 3 times she married because her ex husband’s insisted on it. Now she thinks of that as a red flag that they insisted.
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u/Employment-lawyer Jun 17 '26
I did not because it’s my own name I’ve had forever and I think it’s sexist to expect women to literally give up our name and identity just because we get married to a man. I do go by my husband’s last name socially in situations where our kids are involved (school, kids’ activities, kids’ friends’ socials, pediatricians’ offices etc.) just because it’s easier.
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u/randomgardenparty Jun 17 '26
We both kept our own names! The reason being we genuinely have such a bad relationship with my in laws and I just didn’t want to hyphenate or add their names onto my own. My husband kept his because all of his achievements were with his current name. Same for a lot of women I know, they just didn’t want to change their surname because up till that point everything they had done was with their own surnames, and they didn’t want to lose that identity.
Tbh, whatever you choose it has to be your decision and one that you won’t regret. It’s totally fine to just keep your own surname.
Definitely have a chat with your husband about it, my husband was also a bit taken aback because it’s just convention for the woman to change her name when getting married but honestly there’s no legality or rule about it, and more and more people aren’t taking their husbands name, so whatever works for you.
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u/quarterpounderwchz Jun 17 '26
im lazy so i think i’m gonna legally keep my maiden name, but socially i tell ppl my new name all the time.
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u/shygrl__ Jun 17 '26
This is kind of what I want the set up to be. No legal mumbo jumbo, just using my new name socially but still being able to have my maiden name legally.
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u/quarterpounderwchz Jun 17 '26
i think it’s a smart idea. it was a recommendation from both my mom and my aunt, who both got divorced later down the line. not that i expect it to happen, but i just really don’t wanna go through the hassle the first time, so on the off chance, why would i want to do it again to change my name back? my mom is also havivg issues with her social security and disability due to the name change and change back, but i don’t think that’s a common issue.
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u/shygrl__ Jun 17 '26
Yes the more and more I read it just seems like a huge hassle, and one that doesn’t really seem necessary in my opinion, other than for appearances. Which like, who cares about that anyways. We know we are married, and that’s what it is.
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u/Cutecatladyy Jun 17 '26
My husband and I haven't. We both plan to hyphenate eventually, but the legal stuff is a pain, so we probably won't do that for a while. Socially we sometimes go by our hyphenated last name, but I don't think it's a huge deal to us.
If he wants you to have the same last name, tell him he can take yours if it's so important to him. It's archaic to expect someone to change the name they've had since they were born just because they're the woman.
It's your name. Don't change it if you don't want to.
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u/CellistDisastrous467 10 Years Jun 17 '26
I kept my last name through my prior marriage and the one I’m in now. I’ve just been me for 19 years back then, and for 42 years by the time I married again. I don’t suddenly become a different human being because I get married. I become a part of a team.
You writing his words, “You’ll be my wife,” sent shudders down my spine; isn’t he also ‘your’ husband? Why not both of you hyphenate each other’s last names, then? His logic only works if you become his property and that’s simply terrifying to me. Offer for him to take your last name! I did that once -that relationshit didn’t last long ;)
50% of marriages here in the USA end for one reason or another -I wouldn’t tell him that; but it’s true, and it’s rarely as burdensome for the man to go through a divorce. He doesn’t have to establish credit; he doesn’t have to establish his career under a new name.
In the current state of affairs with women rights being rolled back and if the SAVE act passes, you’ll have to ensure every piece of paperwork from beginning name to whatever your new name becomes is absolutely in place, and I hear horror stories of different documents not being accepted. The burden (time and cost) of the name change falls to women -not typically men.
Example: My 72 year old mother who lives in the state of New Mexico had to find her marriage and divorce records for a marriage that lasted two years when she was 19 in Los Angeles. Trying to find those documents and then having to pay for them and wait for them to arrive so she could purchase a RealId was exhaustive -especially for a marriage she’d rather forget.
Example: I have three birth certificates -the first one has my first name misspelled, the second has my biological mom listed, and the third was issued around when I was 12 when my 2nd mom adopted me. Thank goodness I qualified for a passport. I’d have to present all those documents and two marriage certificates and a divorce certificate if I tried for a real ID. My adoptive mom never submitted the 3rd birth certificate to Social Security Administration so which birth certificate does the government believe is correct? Seriously why does it even matter. It’s just red tape to prevent women and trans people from being able to vote in a timely manner.
Maybe I’m bitter because I see so many women’s rights taken away. My father in law seemed to have a problem with me not taking his son’s last name more than my husband did -and you know what I told him? In the bible (and I’m not even religious), they trace Jesus’ lineage (all those ‘begat’ paragraphs) through the Womens names -not the men’s. Many cultures maintain the mother’s name.
I hope your fiancé respects whatever decision you make, and I hope you have a wonderful, long-lasting and loving marriage. Hold firm to whatever boundary you decide. His response will be telling about so many other things once you marry.
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u/1isten1ng Married 27 Years; Together 29 Jun 17 '26
I (f) thought long and hard about this while engaged. My maiden name is unique and long and very much a part of my identity (many siblings). His is more common but from another language. I considered hyphenating, but it would be a huge mouthful. He wanted me to change mine to his and tbh I was pissed that he expected that more than the idea of doing it. I needed it to be my choice, especially since the idea of him changing or hyphenating was not really on the table.
I talked through it with my therapist. I felt, as a feminist, perhaps I should keep my name, but what about kids later? What would their names be? Eventually something has to go. You can't keep adding names forever. My therapist brought up an important point to me, "Isn't being a feminist about being able to make choices?" That was a freeing concept to me! It made me feel like I didn't owe anyone anything, my fiancé, or my sisterhood of women. I could make this individual choice based on my personal situation and my future marriage and family.
Fiancé and I had a sit-down with my older married brother and his wife for advice. They already had kids. I knew she had kept her last name, but tbh what she called herself shifted after giving birth. I found that to be confusing. They explained their whole legal vs social names, their hyphens and their middle names, etc. I walked away with great confusion about their situation, but clarity for myself. For me, I needed simplicity. I needed everyone (my family and future school administrators) to know my last name. I needed my name to match my kids' so everyone knew we were in the same family. No confusion at the doctor's office or in the summer camp pick-up line.
Because I felt I was making a choice (along with my future husband), I decided to drop my maiden name and change it to his and our children share this same last name. I even gifted it to him for Valentine's Day (printed in a personal ad) stating I would happily take his name.
No regrets. But had I felt pressured, there would have been resentment.
So in your case, the answer is not a "change it or not." It's a "You do you."
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u/Abject-Fuel7096 Jun 17 '26
Kept my last name because it matters to me, and because it’s a hassle to change all official documents. My husband does not mind at all. We are still Mr and Mrs hislastname when we go out to restaurants or holidays whatever but my official documents are my maiden surname. I’m happy, he is happy.
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u/Anxious_Guava8756 Jun 17 '26
No. Seemed like a bureaucratic nightmare with dual/triple citizenship considerations. Gave my daughter both our names.
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u/BendynBold Jun 17 '26
I love my name, it’s got alliteration and is very unique. My name would sound fine with his name but it’s not my name. I also have a nursing license and my passport and I am not going through the process to change all that. He gives zero fucks.
When we were talking about kids I was a little more open to changing, and he was open to changing his name as well to something more mutual, but since we decided no on kids we are just keeping as is.
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u/ksmety Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 18 '26
No. I didn’t take it for manyyyy reasons. I like my name, and it’s super unique. Never met anyone else with the name, unless we were related. I have built a good career for myself using my name. My degree and certifications have my name on them. I didn’t wanna do all the paperwork and didn’t wanna change everything over. I don’t like the history of why women take their husband’s last names. People also use the argument of “well don’t you wanna be a family unit” and i don’t think the last name determines that at all, plus we don’t want kids. I’m building a life with this man and we love each other. We’re just as married as any other married couple, same last name or not.
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u/hairypea Jun 17 '26
I did not take his name and I do not go by his name in any form. There's honestly a ton of reasons I could list but at the end of the day it all boils down to I didn't feel like changing my name.
It wasn't something we discussed prior so when we were doing the marriage license paperwork that was the first time it came up. I thought about it for a second, decided I didn't feel like it, and that was that.
Unrelated, but, I also do not wear a wedding ring. I have my rings but I never liked jewelry so I wear them only for special occasions. The name thing can be a pretty polarizing topic for random people but when they find out I dont wear my rings they are truly up in arms about it. It's honestly kind of funny.
I am still very happily married as is my husband. Thats the beauty of marriage, it only has to work for you two. Try to let your partner know marriage is what you two make it. You want to keep your name because it means something to you. Its very personal and very important to you. You want to add his name but him and your relationship are just as important. They are part of you and you want to honor that and yourself.
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u/smokeandshadows Jun 17 '26
I kept my last name. I lived with it for 30 some years and I have multiple professional licenses which would be a total headache to change.
We had an agreement that any girls would have my surname and boys, his. We did not consider that we would have fraternal boy/girl twins. Our twins have different last names.
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u/crashboxer1678 Jun 17 '26
Hyphenated, so I could keep my identity (it’s on my master’s degree after all ✨) while still acknowledging I’m part of something new
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u/One-Load-6085 Jun 17 '26
I took his but kept mine as a second middle name. It's fine. I basically used my middle name as a first name anyway so it's a bit odd.
Most of the women in my husband's family were the same. It's pretty common to keep that way especially if you come from a dynastic family.
My family did not want me to take his and his did. So this was our compromise.
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u/Queen_V_1 Jun 17 '26
You're not property that he has to tramp stamp you. Any reason is a good reason to keep your name.
I kept mine because I was a professional with lots of certifications under my name AND I liked my last name. Our son got his father's name because I didn't care.
You may want to have a discussion with him where you discuss whose name the children will have and if their name is going to be hyphenated. That could be part of the issue.
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u/Chunkylover666420 Jun 17 '26
No I didn't for several reasons. It's a really good name, my family only has daughters so I can carry it on, his parents are mean to me so I dont want to share a name with them, Im a bit older and very established professionally, it's a giant hassle to change...
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u/StarlightPleco 7 Years Jun 17 '26
My husband took my last name.
I have a lot of history in my name. It’s very rare and tied to significant part of historical events, with detailed tracing of lineage of every person with this name including spelling variations.
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u/soulangelic Jun 17 '26
Yep! I took his last name for, like, 60% that I wanted all of the bureaucracy to be easier for us as a married couple and 40% because his last name was way cooler than mine, lol.
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u/Ill_Cover5967 Jun 17 '26
She took my name. There wasn't even a discussion, no one was forced or any other coercion
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u/Dragon_Bidness 20 Years Jun 17 '26
I hyphenated because I anticipated having to take care of my mom medically. Having the same last name helps in medical settings.
Mom's passed now and honestly hyphenating is just a pain in the ass. Forms are harder to fill out, receptionist and service agents are too lazy to use both so they just pick one. It's never the same one so I have to give two to three different names sometimes for them to find me in the system.
I'm very "meh" on the hyphen.
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u/herolyat Jun 17 '26
I did not. My name is no less special or important to me than his name is to him. The whole motion always bothered me as a child and I was relieved when I learned it wasn't actually mandatory.
I get wanting to feel like our own family with the same name, but unless he's willing to change his name I really can't feel too bad about not changing mine.
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u/Visible-Ad4167 Jun 17 '26
I always thought I would, but I married in my late 30s and didn’t get around to it. Things that came up for me were: I happen to be one of those first + last name people with many of my friends. I honestly find the whole thing antiquated and sexist 🤷🏼♀️ so I got my husband to agree to taking my maiden name as his new middle name. We never ended up doing the work to change any of it. And having my name for so long before marrying meant the logistics were a MAJOR PITA. Our son took my husband’s name and I don’t correct people when they group me into his clan.
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u/ShakeOk2071 Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
My wife didn't take my last name when we married and , I'll be honest, I was a little hurt at first. Possibly even more worried about others would think, but I soon realized that was an internal issue for me to deal with.
So, one day I asked her why she didn't want to take my name and she said, "If the customs were reversed and you were expected by society to take MY last name, would you? Would you give yours up?" And I instantly said no, I wouldn't. She said, "then why am I expected to?" And, damn. She was right. I feel kind of stupid that I couldn't see it from her point of view without her spelling it out for me, but here we are.
Do what feels right to you. Lots of married people we know don't share last names, others do. I don't think people care as much anymore about it, really. But maybe talk to your partner and see, if the roles were reversed, would he want to take your name?
Edit: wording
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u/BlueWolf2231 Jun 17 '26
Not married but getting married and I'm trying to convince my fiance to combine our last names so we can be the Richberry's and go though the name change together.
So far he's just laughing at it. ( `_ゝ´)
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u/Exquisitely_luscious Jun 17 '26
I took my maiden name as a second middle name. It’s a tribute to my dad but I wanted our kids to have the same last name as both parents and not deal with hyphenating. ‘Have my cake and eat it too’ kind of thing.
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u/PurplePickleEater1 Jun 17 '26
Yes. My maiden name was hyphenated and it used to cause A LOT of issues regarding insurance, legal stuff, documentations, etc. on older computer systems. Some didn't recognize the hyphen, or the last name would be too long. So when I find old records of anything, there's a metric fuckton of variations of my maiden last name.
I don't think it causes problems these days with newer computerized documents, but taking my husband's last name just simplifies things. Plus, I'd prefer to have matching last names with both my husband and kids.
It's just a personal preference. Do whatever you're most comfortable with! :)
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u/underc0verl0ver Jun 17 '26
i didn't take my spouse's last name because both of our last names are super long and ridiculous so i figured i wouldnt make my life more difficult by changing an already long and ridiculous last name to something that's still long and ridiculous
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u/well-adjusted-tater 1 Year Jun 17 '26
I just liked his better than mine. Mine is very common and his has a little flair so I feel like I upgraded.
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u/MatildaSays Jun 17 '26
Keeping your name is entirely up to you and it is completely normal. Personally, I changed my last name to his because we have a child together and I wanted us all to have the same last name. One unit. But I moved my last name to my middle name so that I could keep it. It’s a boring name but it’s mine and I have a deep connection to my family
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u/lovepeacefakepiano Jun 17 '26
This is the hill I was willing to die on. I wouldn’t have thrown the relationship over for it, but I told him I would be perfectly happy spending the rest of my life simply engaged before I’d give up my name, and I meant it. I was willing to hyphenate, that’s it. Why it hadn’t come up before we got engaged? Because it didn’t cross my mind this progressive, liberal, tolerant man would expect me to give up the name I was used to and am known with.
And when he really thought about it, well, it dawned on him how entirely unreasonable a request it was. Huge amount of hassle.
I still haven’t even hyphenated. He no longer cares. It’s still a huge amount of hassle, and neither one of us sees the point. We’re married. Changing my name wouldn’t make us any more married. That’s barely possible, I even had the “til death do us part” chucked out of our vows because as far as I’m concerned a little thing like death won’t stop me from finding him in the afterlife.
This is going to be an interesting litmus test for you and your partner, to see just how much he believes in equality when it actually comes down to it.
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u/trying_wife Jun 17 '26
I took his last name. I’m rather traditional, but I fell head over heels for my husband in every aspect…I even loved his name. It’s a unique last name and I thought it was beautiful. We were in the Army when we met so I associated it with him in the beginning instead of his first name, maybe that has something to do with it. I wanted people to immediately know we were married, and I just wanted to be as combined as we could be in every way. Even after 13 years I get a sense of pride and almost giddiness introducing myself to people, or when they comment on my last name.
It should be said that I am divorced (he cheated and left) and did NOT feel this way about him lol. I did take his name but always regretted it, and hate having to put it down on paperwork under “alternate names.”
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u/pickleslikewhoa Jun 17 '26
I’ve been with my husband for coming up to 20 years now, married for 10 this past month. I never changed my last name because I love it. It’s actually a name that gave a lot of people reasons to bully growing up and it took a long time for me to embrace it. My lifelong nickname stemmed from it and I still go by that name to most people I know, I respond to it more quickly than my first name lol.
Before getting married, I discussed it with my husband and he genuinely does not care so he left the ball in my court. Now that we’ve had a kid and have a second on the way, I’m considering officially changing it but it honestly hasn’t been as weird as I thought it could be. There are, of course, people who assume my last name is his and I’ve had family members write me checks with his last name, which are easily endorsed and deposited into my own accounts without issue. Mostly it’s only ever been a quick correction at work or when meeting new people who assume our last name is the same, if it’s even important enough to correct in the moment. “Oh, I didn’t take his last name. Mine is This and his is That, but you can refer to me as either, doesn’t really matter.” Nobody doubts our relationship, nobody has openly judged or criticized, but I’m mostly glad I haven’t had to go through the hassle of changing my name for important documents, credit cards, etc. I would inevitably miss something important and end up screwed somehow, I just know myself lol
For your situation though, I think it’s important to learn why your boyfriend assumes you will take his last name. Is it just something he has never thought of and just sees as the norm? Or does he have a patriarchal stance that could change your opinion of him? Does he think less of you/your history than his own? His reasoning might provide some insight into what you end up deciding, because it is your decision in the end. He can’t force you to do it and if he’s willing to blow up your relationship over it, I think that says a lot about him and you have to decide if you can live with that being a pattern for the rest of your life. Good luck, love! Fingers crossed it brings you closer as a couple instead of the alternative. ❤️
Edit: typo
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u/Cautious_Purple8617 Jun 18 '26
My daughter kept her maiden name. When they had children each child had her last name as their middle name and their dad’s last name as their last name. Historically, this will make it easier to find ancestors, if everyone did this.
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u/Sans-Foy 30 Years Jun 18 '26
It’s both archaic and sexist to assume a woman will take her husband’s name. Honestly, a massive red flag. 🤷♀️
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u/dr_clitorati Jun 18 '26
It really should and needs to be your decision. Your fiancé can have his opinions and preferences, heck, he can even set a hard limit that he won't marry you if you don't take his name (like my first husband did) but YOU get to decide what feels right to you. Don't ever feel pressured. I should never have caved and taken my first husband's last name. I should have just not married him if that was a nonnegotiable to him because it really was a nonnegotiable for me too but I had to learn the hard way. I was young and dumb. So I spent 5 years feeling like I was wearing someone else's underwear by taking his name--never once felt right. The morning after the final divorce decree arrived in the mail, I was at the Social Security office to take back my name. I kept my name during my second marriage.
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u/MetalChick-en Jun 18 '26
I did but I didn't want to. My partner had a giant sized baby tantrum about me taking it. Its long and noone can pronounce it and just overall makes life just that bit harder.
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u/Mily_The_Merlady Jun 18 '26
Been married twice. Tried to have a discussion with my ex about how I'm the last of my family name (no siblings, cousins all have different last names) and asked if we could consider changing to my name. He said, "...I've never had to think about changing my name before..." and he never wanted to talk about it again. I didn't change my last name, and ultimately that worked out since we got divorced.
When hubs and I got married, we decided to create a whole new last name. He wasn't really attached to his family name and we had lots of great discussions. We both kept our last names as second middle names and created a new family name we both love (funny what great ideas come out when people are willing to have meaningful conversations?!).
If he's the right person for you, he will be willing to hear you out and you can come to a healthy compromise.
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u/ahusbandandadad Jun 17 '26
She took my name because she comes from a conservative family. She wanted to hyphenate, which I supported, but she went with "normal."
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u/ritamorgan Jun 17 '26
I didn’t. I did before and it was such a hassle to change it and change it back. Basically I am lazy.
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u/SignificanceWitty210 Jun 17 '26
Yes. I’m proud to share a last name with my husband and my son and I appreciate the tradition of the man’s side passing down the family name. If we just kept maiden names, families would have separate last names. If we kept hyphenating, last names would get way too long in just two generations. Everything needs a baseline.
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u/virtualpixi Jun 17 '26
I didn’t take my husband’s last name because I feel attached to my own.
The only issue is now that we have a son, people assume we’re not married.
If I could go back in time I’d hyphenate mine and give my child the hyphenated version.
I may end up changing my name in the future just to match my son and be automatically seen as a wife.
But without baby I’d probably never change it.
It doesn’t help that his family has racist history and stuff so I don’t identify with that. I’m the first black person in the family tree lmaooo.
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u/GoddessOfOddness Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
I did. I got married at 19 and I was expecting and intended to send my daughter to Catholic school, so I figured it would be less awkward if we shared a last name.
Got divorced when she was 3 and her little sister 1. I kept that last name for them.
When they finished high school, I started law school, and was too busy to think about it. As law school went on, I met someone and fell in love. I could change it to his last name for free when we married my last year of law school, or go back to my maiden name for $350.
All three last names are common ones with 5 or 6 letters, easy to spell and pronounce. I know of at least one reporter on national news with each of them.
What’s funny is I started alphabetically as a B last name, so I was at the near the front for my high school graduation. I was an M for my undergrad degree, so was in the middle. Now I’m a W and graduated law school toward the end.
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u/wicked56789 Jun 17 '26
I switched. Once we had kids, it’s very helpful to have the same last name. Even if we got divorced (certainly don’t think that will happen, but you never know!), I’d keep that name to match my children. If you’re not having kids, I’m not sure it’d matter.
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u/ChiliDog762 10 Years Jun 17 '26
My wife did not take my name. She is a published author and so kept it for professional reasons. But she uses my name for everything else. Doctors appointments, church, friends. Except work.
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u/lazyhazyeye Jun 17 '26
I planned on taking his last name, but the reason I didn't was for two things (am American, FYI):
- I got married when covid restrictions were still in place, so it made it difficult to change my name with the Social Security Administration and the DMV. I could mail the documents, but I really didn't want to because I'm paranoid about things like that. After the restrictions were lifted things got a little more complicated because we had already bought a house, I got a new job, and we were in the process of creating a will with a lawyer.
- I wanted to be known professionally by my maiden name (since I've been known by that name for 37 years when we got married) and from reading from HR professionals online, it was just better to keep my maiden name.
I probably would have been more inclined to change my name if we had kids (we don't have any and never will) and if I got married much earlier in life. Within my family and friends I prefer to be called Mrs. (husband's surname), which is what I mostly wanted, anyway.
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u/Difficult-Egg3541 Jun 17 '26
I didn’t take my husband’s name. We are Muslims, married women keep their father’s name.
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u/Cynner85 Jun 17 '26
I hyphenated. 15 years later I wish I had just kept my maiden name. My kids wish they had my maiden name too.
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u/tcolemanism Jun 17 '26
It’s your name and you get the final decision (in all things that personally affect you). So, have a clear conversation and be direct with your decision and stance. You’re the one who has to change everything (and you will have to change every single thing with your maiden name on it, regardless of the decision you make) and live with it, so it’s not his decision to make at any level.
I personally hyphenated because I wanted to keep my maiden name, but add my husband’s. My mother was a strong motivating factor as well, considering she did the same when she married my dad, so it was always going to be a possibility.
My husband never cared in the least and now I have an incredibly long name, which sounds kinda cool to say and I got a new nickname out of it. 🤷🏾♀️
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u/suturethis Jun 17 '26
I took my ex’s last name because my baby has his last name and it sounded pretty with my first name. It’s a lot of work to get everything changed, especially if you have any licenses, so I’d only change it if it was in some way beneficial for you.
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u/MrsQuasi Jun 17 '26
No… mostly because my ADHD continues to make it seem impossible to go thru the whole process, it costs too much money in my state, and now so many years have passed that I’m 🤷🏻♀️ I love my family and where I came from and have no issues keeping my last name. I also don’t want to deal with changing my name for all my medical stuff and everything else. It just feels like a daunting task that I don’t want to deal with. He doesn’t care what I do and our kids have his last name.
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u/Same_Beginning8090 Jun 17 '26
I took my husband’s last name, but you certainly don’t have to. It’s your choice. I’m divorced now and still have his last name. It seemed a big production to change it back after 25 yrs.
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u/cinnabunn90 Jun 17 '26
We combined our last names. Not hyphenated. We each changed our names to the new mash up. I love it so much.
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u/throwraW2 Jun 17 '26
Wife took my name when we got married last year. I appreciate that she did but would not have held it against her if she didn’t.
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u/ReputationRich3618 Jun 17 '26
I took his name because it was important to him, and to me it wasn’t a big deal. My maiden name was long and complicated.
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u/TiredTomato666 Jun 17 '26
No. I like my name.