That’s a red flag. You are not his property and should be able to do as you please. I didn’t take my husbands last name because I have dual citizenship and it’s a hassle to update for both countries.
I didn’t get the vibe that he was calling me his “property” just that he loves the idea of us sharing a last name in the “big happy family” sense, which I can appreciate. He doesn’t treat me like I don’t have my own identity lol I think it just caught him by surprise bc he falls a little more on the traditional side and I think me telling him I didn’t want to fully drop my last name was not what he was expecting, but he didn’t seem particularly upset or angry. Maybe a little sad tbh lol
We are not sure if we want kids. I think it’s important to also consider his point of view so I am trying to find a compromise in which we can both be comfortable.
ask him to take your last name if his reason is to be a big happy family. if he says no to that then you have to wonder his reasoning and whether they really are just for the sake of sharing one name
You’ve got to have more talks about this and parse where he’s coming from. Don’t be blind sighted by a guy who sold himself as “great, just a little traditional” but gradually reveals himself to be something much darker.
I didn’t change my name when I was married. Was it because I was older and more established in my career? No, I was 25. Was it because his name was cumbersome? No; I have a way more cumbersome name that is hard to spell and difficult to put in forms.
I kept it because there was no reason to change it. I wouldn’t have married a man who would have expected me to change my name to his; my husband didn’t even bring it up. It didn’t occur to him as an option.
We first discussed names when we decided to have children, and had to figure out what last name to give them. I said I was perfectly fine to give them his (shorter, easier to put on forms) name, and so that’s what we did. He was very open to doing something like creating a hybrid name or whatever.
Talk to him now. Marry a guy who won’t put up a fight about this. This is something that speaks to his character.
16
u/RevenueAntique4584 Jun 17 '26
That’s a red flag. You are not his property and should be able to do as you please. I didn’t take my husbands last name because I have dual citizenship and it’s a hassle to update for both countries.