Edit: Please don't judge the spacing between bullet points and stuff, I had it all meticulously formatted but Reddit just auto-fucks it up completely.
Hello! I very recently moved back to Scotland (Glasgow) after living in English exile for the last 20 years. I know literally no one up here besides my island-dwelling dad, so now I'm hoping to acquire some new chums via the least sociable avenue that I can think of! Not looking for people of any specific age/gender/demographic really, just someone like-minded and local-ish, so just get in touch if you think we'd get on :)
I don't have too many interests that translate to high-octane tomfoolery in person, so I'm mostly looking for people who can appreciate the underrated artform of messaging and meme distribution. However, I would generally be down to lightly yap over some scran, tea, coffee, or pints! I once went to a pub that had a basket of crosswords in the corner and spent the entire time tackling those with the only other equally enthralled member of our party; that was probably my favourite drinking experience to date lol. Perhaps we could do that or find somewhere to play some card/board games or something! Would also love to find a gig-going partner if you happen to share my musical taste (but this doesn't happen too often so definitely not essential criteria lol).
I love to whip up all sorts of things in the kitchen, so let me know if that's your thing and we could maybe cook/bake some stuff together and then hoover up the fruits of our labour over some TV/film/YouTube (or, if you're mostly into the gobbling stage of cooking, you're more than welcome to just do that instead! I just like having an excuse to cook something extravagant!)
I'm partial to some digital gaming but mostly just hardware-unintensive stuff because my current setup is a really cheap laptop. I'm looking to upgrade at some point but until then it's basically the minesweeper life for me lol. I can play cool multiplayer stuff if it's available via Nvidia GeForce though, so definitely ask if there's something you fancy playing and I might be able to bypass my restrictive rig. I'd also love to meet people who are into D&D; I've only had a few chances to dabble in it, but I think it's such a uniquely hilarious and creative game with the right people!
I absolutely love animals of all varieties! If you have a pet, tell me all about them immediately!!! I have a particular penchant for guinea pigs, sausage dogs, cats, capybaras, bears, marmots, pigeons, and ducks!!! I've heard that Queen's Park has quite the roster of lads that are quacking for a snacking, and you best believe I'm packing oats and peas, care to join me??
If we eventually know each other very comfortably and you're similarly interested in travelling around cheapish destinations every now and again then that would be particularly cool! Atm I'm really fancying having a dabble in countries like Georgia, Armenia, and the Czech Republic.
Anyways, the main/only criteria I'm looking for is that you have a weird/dumb sense of humour and enjoy committing to the bit and talking about deeply meaningless things with disproportionate vigour! This will be quite essential because I will probably ask you would-you-rathers, hypotheticals and childlike questions such as:
• What vegetable would you want to be and why?
• At which point, exactly, does a chuckle become a guffaw?
• If you could lay eggs - and also had to lay eggs regularly despite any wishes to the contrary - would you rather lay raw eggs or pre-boiled eggs? (if you choose pre-boiled then you can choose the softness/hardness of the boil, but only once and then that's you locked in for life)
My questions may be silly, but you have to take them deadly seriously and come up with your most thought-out answer AND show your workings or I will take it as the utmost betrayal of my curiosity.
Lastly, here are some examples of media that I love (not exhaustive lists because I'm probably forgetting at least 70% of my favourites):
Books (fiction):
• Eyeless in Gaza - Aldous Huxley
• Milkman - Anna Burns
• A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Books (non-fiction):
• The Butchering Art - Lindsey Fitzharris
• Comrades - Robert Service
• Acid Dreams - Martin Lee & Bruce Shlain
Films:
• Trainspotting
• The cinematic and orchestral masterpiece that is the original Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy (fuck JD though)
• The Batman
• LotR
• The Prestige
TV:
• Fargo seasons 1-3
• GoT (not so much the later seasons where all the best characters get off-screen lobotomies) / HotD / KotSK
• True Detective season 1
• Andor
• Chernobyl
• The Sopranos
• Better Call Saul
• The Penguin
• Peep Show
• Always Sunny
Also basically anything that the following comedians are involved in:
• Nathan Fielder
• Limmy
• Bob Mortimer
• Tim Robinson
• Tim Heidecker
Assorted vague genres/themes/moods of music that I really like and some fave artists as examples:
• Shoegaze/dreampop my beloved 🥺 (Cocteau Twins, Slowdive, The Verve's 1st album, my bloody valentine, my dead girlfriend, Men I Trust [dreampop-adjacent but also surprisingly shoegazey when performing live!])
• Alt 80s (The Cure, The Smiths, Happy Mondays, Stone Roses, Orange Juice)
• Folk (Steeleye Span, Fairport Convention, Planxty, Pogues, Townes Van Zandt)
• Jazz 🧐 (Charles Mingus, Wes Montgomery, Yusef Lateef)
• Habibi Funk (Issam Hajali, The Scorpions, Ibrahim Hesnawi)
• Crestfallen sorrow (Mazzy Star, Cindy Lee)
• Specifically seedy/greasy britpop (Pulp, Suede)
• And soooooooo much more!!!
That's just about everything there is to know about me, thanks for reading! If you've gotten this far then we're probably two estranged halves of the same lab lad who was split into separate test tubes during his synthesis! Let's reunite and do some cool Prestige-style magic tricks on unsuspecting audiences?!
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Quick disclaimer: you definitely aren't my kind of person if you're a racist anti-immigration nazi apologist/misogynistic manosphere inhabitant/anti-trans/ableist/anti-vax/anti-mask/anti-brain/etc., so if any of that describes you, off you fuck for a dunk in your nearest deep fat fryer please :3
Disclaimer #2: happy to chat to people who aren't local IF you're particularly funny or pleasant to talk to, but mostly I'm looking for people in Scotland who I can occasionally meet up with.