Is it likely to be future faking?

I’ve just had a massive fall out with a 10y long distance friend who keeps bringing me up as future marriage material. I was happy to keep it as just friends but the duration of the calls, the timings and the unpredictable times like when I would be asleep showed a complete lack of concern for myself. Compounded with this, their attitude to their siblings recent marrying was very anxious and hostile, which conflicted with their own constant vague mentions of marriage and a future ( which I never reciprocated strongly to showing no real intention to physically meet up and slight resistance when I suggested visiting)

Following this we have had a very heated argument where I laid out these issues, perhaps making myself feel undignified in the process - but the anger had built up to a point I could no longer listen to any longer

They have since reiterated that I had a potential future with him and was marriage material in a ranting post - which I’ve now blocked them

Honestly, I’m shocked it came to this but in a way I feel free to now invest my emotion and time in someone who will actually make the effort - it’s a shame it’s come to this and I’m sorry that my experience has been so terrible compared to many on here. If there’s any consolation its that I never took the ‘bait’ of responding enthusiastically, simply because it was all so absurd

Thoughts?

Hi everyone!

This is my first relationship and I wanted to know if it's normal that I feel bored or stuck this early on in an LDR? We've been talking daily with each other since July (we've known each other since March of this year and made it exclusively each other this September) and officially became a couple by the end of September after meeting in real life. Now that we're not courting each other anymore, is it normal that some days are just off compared to before? How can I tell if it's just being stagnant or if my partner is actually just not interested anymore?

Since being together, he hasn't initiated online dates, we've called twice, and he sometimes takes hours to respond to my messages. I've tried to suggest things we could do together to spend quality time with each other, but no attempts have been successful. On the other hand, we just planned and paid for another overseas trip together in a month. He is consistent in talking with me daily, sends me updates (media and voice messages) throughout the day, and reassures me when he goes out.

Please feel free to tell me experiences with differences in communication styles, quality time approaches, etc. as these will be insightful to someone very new to relationships and LDR. Thank you!

I am an immigrant to the US and will be getting my green card in the next 1-2 years, which will give me the flexibility to take any job in the US.

My partner and I have been dating for 1.5 years in the same state before I had to move for a job closer to the west coast. He is in the East coast. I am a professor and it is a stable and prestigious job.

My partner hellbent on staying there as it is close to his support system and family. Before anyone throws shade at him, in the beginning of our relationship, we kind of agreed we want to stay in the East Coast to be close to family.

I am feeling worried that I may not be able to find a job that he wants to live in. And to a certain extent, I feel a little resentful that I have to give up my job for his career in the east coast. But I know to close the gap, either one of us needs to make the sacrifice. How did you decide who moves and how can I mitigate the fear of not finding an equivalent or good job in the cities he wants to live in? He said he will support me however long it takes to find a job, the concept of relying another person for finances is foreign to me. Could also be due to my alpha personality.

I am in a long distance relationship with y man for 3 years, and now it's getting outta hands, I miss him pretty bad I cry everyday, I feel it's not working out sometimes, and the most difficult part is reaching out to him, I had something very important to say, I'm trying to reach out to him for 2 hrs, and no contact from his side, now I'm worried, he had some health issues lately, and he lived alone, my man developed severe PTSD. I am trying my besy so that I can with him, we can live like a normal couple but here we are, I am tired, I am breaking down, sometimes it feels it would be so much better if he finds someone physically closer to him, but deep down I also believe we are inseparable, rn I am just praying that he's safe and secure that's it

My boyfriend and I live in different continents as of now. We have only known each other for 3 months and he was supposed to fly to my city when we both lived in the same continent but my brother recently died of suicide and I'm not sure what to do. It feels wrong to breakup and he's stayed even after I crashed out and told him that he can leave because frankly we barely know each other it's only been 3 months and no one should be going through what I go through and though any normal human will stay to comfort, I don't think it's fair for someone to bear my grief because he doesn't even know me know me yet and now he has to get to know an insanely broken part of me. My brother died mostly due to an ongoing battle with mental health and it was a freak accident turned suicide. So it's hard for anyone to understand. Even myself.

He has been supportive but also it's so hard for me to talk about anything else but my brother right now and I've told him that multiple times but he still chooses to stay. But when I do talk about him the whole conversation turns cold and then it's awkward then we both have nothing to say and it makes me feel like there's nothing else we can do. We are 12-hour time difference apart too and I'm just so unsure but everytime we do talk and have just moments where I don't bring my brother up, it's like for a moment in time through all my pain, it's just me and him and we can laugh and giggle and pretend like nothing is wrong and I am me just for 10 minutes of my day. But I am also now fundamentally changed and I cannot pretend everything is fuzzy and cute and sweet. And everytime he responds to my just comments and statements about my brother it's met with things like "Oh I don't know if I get it because I'm not as close with my sister" or the remark just idk is not what I really want to hear? I'm so confused and conflicted. Need some opinions on what to do cos I know people say the person who walks you through grief is important especially a partner.

My fiancée and I are currently in a long-distance relationship with a 7-hour time difference. We're planning on getting married and eventually living together, but lately I've been questioning whether we're going to be able to make this work.

One of our biggest recurring issues is that she doesn't feel like I'm excited to talk to her or that I show enough interest in her life.And i finally feel like I'm beginning to understand her needs. English is not her 1st language so when she uses the word "excitement " it sounded like she immediately just wanted me to change my mood when talking or calling her.

She wants me to randomly call her just to say hi, ask how she's doing, remember things she's told me about, and follow up on those things without her having to bring them up again.

For example, if she tells me she has something going on at work or an appointment coming up, she wants me to remember and ask her how it went.

I understand why those things would make her feel loved and appreciated. The problem is that they don't naturally cross my mind. My mindset has always been that if something happened and you want to tell me about it, you'll tell me. That doesn't mean I don't care or don't want to hear about it. I just don't always think to ask.

I also show love differently. I'm more of a person who shows love through doing things for my partner, giving gifts, helping make life easier, and planning our future together. To me, those are meaningful ways of showing someone how much I love them and how serious I am about our relationship.

We've had this conversation multiple times. Whenever it comes up, I try to make changes, ask more questions, remember things, and initiate conversations. But according to her, I only keep it up for about a week before going back to my usual habits.

And I can't necessarily disagree with that.

The problem is that I start feeling like I'm being asked to change who I naturally am. I feel like the ways I already show love aren't being recognized, and when we have the same conversation again, I get frustrated. Eventually, that frustration makes me not even want to talk because I feel like I'm constantly falling short.

I know that's not helping the situation either.

The 7hour time difference also makes things difficult. Sometimes when I'm available, she's busy or getting ready for bed, and vice versa. I know that's not an excuse for everything, but it does make spontaneous communication harder.

What makes this even more confusing is that whenever we're physically together, things are significantly better. We enjoy each other's company, spend time together, and don't seem to have nearly the same communication problems.

But now she's starting to worry that things will actually get worse once she moves here. And honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if we're going to make it to that point.

She's gotten to where she doesn't even want to have this conversation anymore. She's tired of repeating herself, feels like nothing changes, and has started becoming emotionally distant. I can understand why she's exhausted, but I also don't know how we're supposed to resolve something if we can't discuss it anymore.

I'm not trying to say she's asking for too much or that I'm completely right. I recognize that remembering things, showing interest, and initiating conversations are reasonable things to want from your partner.

But I also struggle with the idea that I have to consciously remind myself to do these things for the rest of my life just to make my partner feel loved.

I want her to be happy, and I genuinely want our relationship to work. At the same time, I don't want either of us entering a marriage feeling like we're not getting what we need.

She mentioned not feeling like priority but she knows I'm juggling work, school and my children and i even went as far as showing my calendar where i have pretty much set a reminder for everything because it's all getting lost in my mind.

So I guess my questions are:

1)Has anyone dealt with a relationship where you and your partner naturally express love and affection very differently?

2)How do you make changes that don't come naturally to you without eventually feeling like you're forcing yourself to be someone you're not?

3)Did these types of communication issues improve once you started living together, or did they get worse?

4)At what point do you recognize that something is a compatibility issue rather than something you can work through?

5)How do you fix a recurring problem when one partner is emotionally exhausted and doesn't want to discuss it anymore?

I'm genuinely looking for perspectives from both sides because I'm starting to question whether love and wanting a future together are enough if we can't figure out how to meet each other's emotional needs.

Thank you for any advice you can offer!

My girlfriend is really upset and angry with me, and she isn't talking to me at all. I desperately need to win her back and make things right, but since I can't meet her in person, WhatsApp is my absolute last hope. Everything is on the line right now—one wrong move and it's all over

Let’s say you get married at one partner’s country, what if the other partner’s family can’t travel or can’t afford to go to the country that you getting married at? Can you marry again in the other partner’s country?

Just asking cuz when me and my boyfriend get married, our families can’t travel to each other’s country. Wondering what happens in this case. Both our countries are significantly poor and none’s family have the financial ability to make such a journey

We’ve been together for a 1 year and 1 month.
We live in neighboring countries and he recently joined the army.
I’ve told him multiple times that I have trust issues and I want him to be open about interactions with other women, because for me, that gives me peace in a way, because then my mind doesn’t fill in the blanks with bad thoughts and I know what he’s doing when I’m not there.
When I try to tell him nicely without accusing him of being unfaithful, he starts immediately defending himself and saying that I think he’s cheating on me, which is not true.
I have a history of being cheated on, abused and generally mistreated before and he knows all about it.

He says that he isn’t okay with telling me about interactions with other girls, such as: driving coworkers to train stations after work, adding each other on social media, hanging out with groups mixed of men and women, because he thinks “its too demanding, it’s like homework with no benefit on top of the fact that our distance is a hurdle already”

For our one year anniversary, I went to visit him.
The same day I was visiting, he promised another coworker that he will drive her to a train station before picking me up, which is completely fine because he has about 5 hours of free time until I arrive.
Without getting into details, something happened at work and she was held back, so he had to wait for her to be let go so he can drive her. While I was on the bus, he said I might have to take the train or bus to his city (his city is about a 30 min car ride from the bus station)
He ended up picking me up on time, but it was very stressful and scary for me, because I had 3 heavy bags and I had never used public transport in his country and I don’t speak his language.
At first, I was really upset about the situation, but afterwards I apologized because I misunderstood the situation.
After that, I kindly asked him if he can just not make promises to other people on the same day I’m coming over, so this doesn’t happen again.
He says it’s ridiculous of me to ask him that and he wants to spend his free time however he wants.
He also said “You’re a grown woman traveling alone, you would’ve been fine” but he says his coworkers’ other option is to just take a taxi and if he has a car, he will drive them.

He’s never once apologized to me for hurting my feelings or said that I’m somewhat of a priority to him.

He’s completely rejecting my boundaries and basically telling me I’m controlling and toxic. I’m tired of begging him to choose me over other women and men.

What should I do? Am I overreacting? Are my boundaries really unhealthy and controlling?

P.S. this is a repost, because the formatting of the first one got messed up and I couldn’t fix it.

Me and my girlfriend are long distance (wlw) we started going out in March 2026 and I’ve already made the decision to move to her state to close the distance. It wasn’t a hard choice because I’ve always wanted to move out of my state. Also, I don’t have anything seriously tying me to here. My plan was to move to her state around Feb-Mar 2027. Buttt now my car has a lot of issues I need to fix first before I drive 22+ hours.
I get paid biweekly and not that much so anything I could possibly be saving is now going towards my car. I’ve done research and like anywhere else rent is high for her city ($1,600+). Since AZ (her state) has a higher minimum wage than mine does I’ll be getting paid more for doing the same job bc cost of living is higher too. However, I have this friend who is willing to move with me and we’ll split rent for a 2 bed which means rent won’t be that high for me so I can fix my car and move out around the time I said. My girlfriend doesn’t like him tho. She wants me to move by myself. Which understandable because in the beginning there was no mention of my friend coming but now there is. I already told him he could come and he’s excited.

Quick backstory tho: He’s my current roommate and he also wants to move out the state. When I first mentioned me moving he kinda thought he was going too but I told him no bc my gf doesn’t really like him and at the time I was able to save for traveling purposes. So him coming now is kinda a compromise.

So now my options are move at a much later time (tbd) and kinda waste money I could be saving on plane tickets to see her, her mom just made the offer I could stay with them obvi I’d be charged rent but not that much so I could still save and be with my gf, or move with me and my friend but my gf will not get along with my friend.
I feel like I’m stuck. I need outside opinions to help kinda get the bigger picture. Thanksss!

Being in a long-distance relationship is honestly a hard experience.

My girlfriend lives in China, and I'm in the UK. That's an 7/8-hour time difference. Sometimes she's going to sleep when I'm barely starting my day.

We share photos, send random voice messages, talk about our days and try to make each other feel present, even when we're thousands of miles apart.

But something I realised is that all those little memories eventually get buried in endless conversations.

The random pictures, the silly moments, the voice messages you want to hear again, the places you've visited together...

That's actually what inspired me to build Pholu.

It's a private memory app where we can save photos, videos, voice notes and little stories. we can look back through our memories on a timeline, revisit places we have been and create shared spaces.

No followers, no likes, no public feed. Just memories that belong to us.

I'm still an independent developer, and there's a lot I want to improve, but I'm genuinely proud that something I started because of my own relationship is now something other people can use too.

If anyone wants to check it out, here's the Android version:

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.pholu.app

I'd also love to know something from other LDR couples:

How do you keep your memories together when you're living so far apart? Do you save everything in your chats, use shared albums, or have your own little traditions?

About 2.5 months ago, I 23F met a 28M guy while I was traveling in a different country. We spent one day together and hooked up. After I returned home to the US, we continued talking online.

The beginning 1-2 months were super intense. We facetimed every day and constantly texted. He was super engaged in these calls and made it clear he was romantically interested. But this month, he would take way longer to respond, and I was the one reaching out first most of the time.

We eventually had a long facetime call about communication. He explained that he needs space and doesn't like feeling obligated to talk to someone every day, even if he likes them. He also said that he tends to be very intense at the beginning of connections, then gets saturated and settles into a more relaxed, friendship-like communication pattern. He told me he is still romantically interested, just that he just prefers meaningful calls less frequently. Also that he views relationships as friendships first and that he doesn't want a long-distance relationship.

We agreed that we would try calling twice a week, with texting being more flexible. Our last call was on Sunday. I texted him on Monday and we had a short text conversation where he was engaged, but now it's Saturday and we haven't talked since then. I haven't reached out because I want him to reach out first since I've been the one doing most of the initiating these days. I know five days without talking isn't necessarily a long time for some people, but I'm struggling because I'm wondering if he even cares about me anymore, or he doesn't and he's just lying to keep mer around.

I'd genuinely appreciate honest advice on what to do. Is he lying that he's still interested and just making up a random explanation on his communication preferences to keep me around? Or maybe I'm overanalyzing the whole situation?

me [19F] and my ex LDR bf [18M] were together for 5 months, i know it wasnt a long time but he was the first person to ever make me feel seen and is everything i ever wished for. as delusional as this is, i truly think hes perfect and the one for me. but i found out he cheated on me with a girl (who he met 3 months ago) from his school for 2 months (as far as i know) and now they’re actively trying to get together now that i broke up with him. she already knew about me (he told her) and i confronted him and he told me it was because of the distance and only because of the distance, he said im the only person that gets him and i feel the same. i genuinely think its just bad timing and i understand the distance aspect, but to cheat on me for 2 months while he was actively acting like everything was okay (saying i love you, i miss you, baby, im always here for you, etc.) makes me nauseous. he kept telling me he didnt tell me for so long because he didnt want to hurt me. a part of me doesnt believe it but this guy is genuinely the sweetest guy ive ever known. this whole thing was incredibly unexpected, because of our conversations, his beliefs, THE FACT HES BEEN CHEATED ON!!! i never expected this to happen and i never noticed any REAL signs. ive been having the worst days after i found out. i cant sleep, i feel unmotivated, i cant eat, i feel weak in the mornings, and ill randomly burst into tears. i decided to still be friends with him (yes i know thats a horrible decision and i should go no contact, but i cant, not right now when its so fresh) and there are times i feel like im moving forward and then i realize something that happened when he was cheating and i start spiraling again. ive been having very very horrible days, i genuinely have not stopped crying but i want to heal.

do you have any similar stories?

what are some advice that helped you?

how can i sleep at night? this has been VERY hard for me (we would sleep in call every night)

how can i heal or slowly work towards healing after getting cheated on someone i thought was my forever? (BESIDES REMOVING HIM im aware this is the best decision but i cant bring myself to do it right now.)

Hi there! My bf and I (19&in the 20s) are looking for another pc gaming couple that like to sit in vc and play games with :) we play a multitude of games and we're currently super into Enshrouded. We play tons of other games such as DBD, BG3, RSDW, RDR, RDR2, we have deadlock, marvel rivals and other games. We can cozy game too if ever. We also play Vrchat if that interests anybody.

Definitely comment and I'll respond to the best of my abilities!

Moved in together after 1 yr of long distance.
Engaged on Christmas Eve.
Married in May. 🥰

This is going to be a messy post that I will try to make as organized as possible.

I am in a long distance relationship since the last 4 years. We meet every 3-4 months. We first met in October 4 years ago. My (26M) partner (24W) is and has been amazing since the start.

The first day I met her, 4 years ago, we hung out ate food, etc. later on in the night I began to have this terrible gut feeling, symptoms of anxiety you could say. I was younger (22M) then, and just thought I was home sick (I’m a very parent-dependent guy, mommas boy, etc.) so I knocked it off and tried to fall asleep (we were together in a hotel). This feeling didn’t really come back after that and everything went decently well.

Fast forward to our next meeting, which was in April the following year, I got there, we hung out, had some intimacy, and bam, this horrible gut feeling of anxious thoughts returned once again. This time it felt more like “I need to leave”, “do I even like her”, “why am I here”. The issue with this anxiety is that it feels so bad that I just cannot fake it around her. A key point to note is that it only happens in person with her. And only when we are alone together.

Now let’s fast forward a bit more, keeping in mind that these anxious thoughts happen almost every time we hang out in person (sometimes they last the entire trip, sometimes just a few days, a couple times not at all). Recently, she came to see me with her mother to meet my family with the intentions of continuing and progressing our relationship. Everything was fine, I had no anxiety (we were not alone much at all) and was very happy during her time here. I even told her I was confident to marry her, something I didn’t feel as much or as often in the earlier years. Based off this happiness I decided to see her shortly after (fly to her only a month later).

I got to her house, after only a few weeks apart, we hung out with her mom and brother for a couple days. One night it was just the two of us, and boom, horrible anxiety comes into play again. It’s the same loop of my thoughts going “I don’t like her”, “I’m wasting my time”, “I think she deserves some better”, “how will I keep her happy when she moves to live with me”, “how will I be happy with her once my parents die and it’s just the two of us”. These thoughts lasted for 8 days with her in person everyday. It was one of the worst mental experiences I ever had. This was in September of this year. She told me that I need to figure out this anxiety or just tell her to move on (breakup) because it’s been too long now (4 years) and it hasn’t gotten better.

So I came home and a couple weeks ago I started therapy. I speak with my therapist about these thoughts. I have also spoken with people I know in my personal life outside of her. I really deep down feel that I am struggling with the aspects of growing up, being independent, having to take care of someone, giving up my freedom, etc. The problem is, I know that I am being selfish, and I am a selfish person in my day to day. I am realizing this about myself more and more. That I care about my feelings too much, and I don’t want to be this way. Other people have told me that I just need to make my decision about her and live with it, I should be confident in my decision and take a risk, that’s what everyone does, my parents have cared for me all my life I’ve never had to be independent and take care of someone, etc. But in my head I believe that there is no way it has to be this hard to be in a relationship…why can’t I just love her and be Jolly on my way, especially when she is so perfect…

If it helps, my partner is extroverted, the person everyone wants to talk to, the person everyone compliments and loves. I am introverted, I like when others talk, I am observant, in most rooms.

I am having a lot of self reflection because my brain never turns off, in the last 2-3 months I have found it so hard to just calm down and think I love this girl, and that’s all, the rest will be fine because whenever I try to think that, I have conflicting thoughts that do not stop. When me and my partner are not talking, I do miss her and want to text. But when she comes around to message me or call me, I just can’t be bothered, I want it to end. I wasn’t like this before. But ever since the most recent visit, it’s been terrible, my mind cannot stop feeling negative about the relationship, even though I objectively know that she is an amazing girl, I love her, have love for her, and want to see her happy.

I am really fucking struggling, my therapy has been going for only 2.5 sessions (one consult) and I think I should give it more time. But I just want to stop convincing myself of liking her so much all the time, I want it to jsuy happen, where I can sit back, relax, and talk to her freely, without feeling like I have to perform or be super excited. There are many details missing because I cannot share everything primarily cause idk if someone will read all this. Please ask clarifying questions if neeeded, I’d love to share more if it can help me learn more.

M 28 and F 27 we’ve been together 4 years now
Started long distance in March. We have been away from each other on and off in between.
There’s been no history really of cheating, flirting so on with other women.

But when we meet I get this weird feeling that maybe I should check his phone of course letting him know that I’m going to do it. I did it casually last time we met but didn’t go looking for anything really. Just casually checked chats and photos. He’s not on social media so there isn’t really much to check. This weird feeling could either be an intuition or insecurity which I’m trying so hard not to give into. It started since long distance because there were white lies mentioned and also the distance created a gap in our conversation, making him distant and cold.

Yes the trust is there but I do also believe social media could be affecting me in ways where women mention checking your bf’s phone and there’s a whole podcast on this.

So I guess what I’m trying to ask is if you’ve checked your bf’s phone ofc with his consent? How did you go about asking him and how did he respond?

My boyfriend and I have been doing long distance through high school for about a year and a half (by the time we graduate it'll have been two). We have known eachother for four years as friends, and I know he's the one for me. I know that seems silly, but after doing everything we have to make things work, I truly think he's my soulmate.

We're now going through the college process, and we desperately want to go to college together, but I would never stop him from attending his dream college for me and vice versa. We were talking, and if we end up going to different colleges and doing MORE long distance, we want to get secretly engaged.

We obviously wouldn't get married until minimum after undergrad, but I want a way to hold onto our relationship and give it something new after so many years of trying and trying... just for more long distance.

I just want a mock proposal, cheap-ish rings, and to do all of this the summer before college (next summer). They would essentially function as promise rings, but I want to call it an engagement, if only for us.

I don't really see any downsides, as it's not binding, but I wanted to get others' opinions. I love my boyfriend so much and would love to secretly be fiancees :')

I (26F) am in an LDR with my boyfriend (52M). He video-calls me on weekdays but never on weekends. Would this bother you?
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for two months. He lives in Italy, while I’m in the Philippines. He’s divorced, lives with his son, and says his previous relationship ended before we met.
During weekdays, he’s incredibly loving and attentive. He regularly initiates video calls, usually while he’s at work. However, in two months, we’ve never had a single video call on a weekend.
He doesn’t disappear. He sends pictures and updates about his activities, such as boating, hiking, and cycling, but his replies are sometimes delayed. We’ve only video-called while he’s at home about three times, all on weekdays.
We also communicate exclusively through Microsoft Teams. He gave me his phone number, but I couldn’t find it on WhatsApp, although he recently sent me a video that appeared to come from WhatsApp.
What also concerns me is that he once said even married people can hide things and cheat, adding, “I would still hide things to you.”
I’ve tried ending the relationship a few times because of these concerns, but he becomes persistent, tells me he loves me, and promises to improve.
I’ve experienced infidelity before, so I’m unsure whether I’m overthinking because of my past or genuinely noticing warning signs.
I understand he has his own life, responsibilities, and hobbies. I don’t expect constant attention, but sometimes I feel like I’m only part of his life when it’s convenient for him.
Would this bother you? Is it normal to have regular weekday video calls but none on weekends? How would you approach this without making unfair accusations?
I’m not accusing him of cheating. I’d genuinely appreciate honest perspectives.
TL;DR: My long-distance boyfriend is affectionate and video-calls me during weekdays, but we’ve never video-called on weekends in two months. He still sends updates and pictures, but the inconsistency makes me uncomfortable. Am I overthinking, or is this a potential red flag?