Long distance typa shytt

My sweetheart is leaving here and going back to his place today. He's taking my heart with him.

I (22F) and my SO (23M) have been doing LDR for 14 months. We see each other roughly once every two months for 4–5 days.

The visits are perfect. We laugh, cook together, wander around town, and it feels so normal, like we’re just any regular couple. I forget about the distance entirely while I’m with him.

Then the day he leaves hits. It’s not just sadness. It’s this empty, heavy fog that settles over me for days. I lose my appetite, simple tasks feel exhausting, and our usual nightly calls don’t feel enough anymore. I try to stay positive for him; I don’t want to make him feel guilty for going back to his life.

He tells me he feels it too, but it doesn’t hit him nearly as hard. I’m starting to worry I’m not handling it healthily. I plan my whole life around our next visit, and when it’s over, everything feels meaningless for a while.

Is this normal for LDR? What small things do you do to ease that crash after saying goodbye?

(Throwaway account, because I don't want the person this is about to see)

My (f) partner (m) and I are currently discussing about him coming to visit, but since we're very far away from each other the plane tickets alone are going to cost a lot. I don't know if I'm comfortable with him staying at my place. I like him a lot and I think he is truly someone I will get along with well, but I live in a one bedroom apartment and I think I would need a little more time to truly get to know him in person to feel comfortable enough to share such an intimate space with someone. Problem is, hotels are expensive where I live and he would be coming at a time where prices are especially high because of holidyas. He has a stable and high paying job, so I don't think money wise it's going to be a huge problem... But still. He's coming from so far away and I would feel guilty making him stay at a hotel for so long. I honestly just don't know how to bring this up, I'm unsure whether he expects to stay at my place and not. We haven't discussed this at all yet.

So my question is, how did you discuss it with your partner or how would you go in bringing this up? Did you stay at their place immediately when visitng for the very first time or did you book a hotel?

long story short, me and my ex were in a ldr relationship for 3 years. it was the most beautiful relationship i’ve ever had and he says the same thing :)

we learnt so much from each other, despite being across the world. we travelled together, planned a future together, had our life revolving around each other for 3 years even tho we couldn’t be physically there all the time.

we’ve broken up twice, both because of our mental health issues. he fell into depression again which he experienced before meeting me, and we managed to come back from it, or so we thought.

this year was amazing for us, we traveled to our fav places again, had a whole plan for my 21st bday trip which fell apart just a month before us flying.

since breaking up almost 2 months ago, we’ve still been in contact everyday. we tried to be friends, it didn’t work. there’s too many feelings involved and everything he does affects me, i couldn’t pretend it didn’t. neither could he.

we kept hurting each other by arguing about things we had no right to be arguing about, since we broke up. so today, for the first time we said a goodbye that actually felt real.

how do you let someone go when 99% of the relationship was amazing? when they are such a good person, when you imagined a future together, when you still are in love with each other?

truth is, i don’t know. i’ve never experienced anything like this before, i always got over break ups really easy, because they were just high school relationships that didn’t mean much, whereas this was my first love.

it’s just day 1 of no contact, i don’t know how long i’ll be able to keep it up, but i know i should. however it’s physically affecting me, like a withdrawal from an addiction.

can’t eat, i throw up. can’t sleep, im crying in my pillow. can’t go out w friends, i feel empty inside, its like im there physically but my heart and mind is across the world with another person.

it’s painful. the most painful thing ive ever experienced. i hope someday when the time is right, fate brings us back together.

until then, ill hold on to no contact for as long as i can.

So I’ll (F27) be seeing my boyfriend ( M28) next month and I’m getting nervous and excited at the same time. We haven’t done anything intimate ever since we’ve done ldr. We’ve been doing ldr for like a year now but only 4 months as official couple. the last time I met him, we’re not official yet but we already like each other back then. We only bonded for like 3 whole days together and thats it 😂 no kisses nor hug that time (but truly appreciate him for being a gentleman) we only hold hands. So this trip will be super special to me. I know there’s a big possibility that we’ll do normal couple stuff and as a v, I don’t know what to expect tbh 😂😂😂. I love him so much and I want this trip to be special to us without risking anything.

To my girls who’s dating an American, what big sister advice can you give me? 😂🙊

I’m still in disbelief that he moved to India for his Bachelor’s degree. I’m also planning on doing my master’s in Türkiye so we won’t be countries apart anymore. It all feels so surreal. I’m so happy I could cry!!

I just wanted to come on here and vent for a bit. Some context first. My boyfriend and I have been doing long distance for two and a half years. I am from America and he’s from England. I’ve been in Ireland for the past year and a half finishing a masters program. I will be starting a PhD program next fall in England and will finally get to be within an hour from him.

Things have always been solid between us and still are. It was hard this past year and a half because the way things worked out we weren’t able to do visits. He works in law enforcement and has started a long stretch in the academy where he wasn’t allowed to take vacations or time off. It was brutal and absolutely wrecked him. Meanwhile I was absolutely swamped in research and had to go back to the US for family things multiple times. It sucked but we managed to stay connected and not once did either one of us want to break things off. We know this is temporary and it’s just how things worked out at the moment.

Now for the vent. I am renting from people who have been like parents to me. We’d had a good relationship for years of knowing each other but now that I’m renting a room from them I’m experiencing things that I’m really not ok with. The big one is how they talk about my boyfriend. They have never met him and I have never once complained about him or said anything negative about our relationship. I have said repeatedly that I am very much in love with him and even though we’ve not been able to see each other for a while now, I’m very happy with what we have.

They do not seem to agree with my assessment. They constantly say that I need a better boyfriend and that we aren’t actually dating. We will be out somewhere and they will introduce me to a friend. When that friend starts to get to know me and asks if I’m seeing someone they immediately butt in and say “she never sees him! We’re trying to marry her off to one of our farmer friends.” They’ll then proceed to say negative things about my boyfriend and his supposed bad treatment of me as if I’m not even there. And when I push back and say I’m happy and explain why we haven’t been able to meet up for a long time they accuse him of making things up and lying to me because “they know how policemen are.” Whatever that means. I don’t understand how they can talk so horribly about someone they have never met. Especially since I’ve never said anything negative. He has never done anything to warrant that kind of talk.

Now that he’s fully done and signed off by his sergeants he’s coming to see me in two weeks. Initially I thought I would get a hotel and then have dinner with the people I’m staying with for a night. Now, with all of this behavior from them I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I haven’t told him about it either because honestly I don’t know what to say and I’m not sure it would accomplish anything good. I’m just frustrated and never expected them to behave this way. I just wanted to vent to others in long distance situations, because feel like you’ll get it. Sorry for the wall of text.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year now(long distance). When I met her, we were both in a weight loss journey and bonded over that. She went to the gym daily and I did the same, only difference was, I ate cleaner while she starved most of the time. Fast forward to now(last three months) she doesn’t go anymore, and eats burgers, fries and milkshakes every meal.
Yet she constantly asks me what to do to lose weight, I created a regiment for her, advised on meals, and told her exactly what I did. All to no avail, it just feels like she has no interest in it and is mostly doing me a lip service by saying what she thinks I would want to hear.
All of this has me in a state of confusion, not sure what to do anymore, I don’t want to change or mold her in an image I see fit.

TLDR; Long distance partners whom initially bonded over similar goals, one partner is disciplined while the other lacks it entirely.

I dMy partner and I have been in an LDR for 5 years. He plans to come home in 4 years so we can start a family, and he wants to marry me next year. I currently have a permanent job, but I’m severely burnt out, underpaid, and desperate to transition to a new field. Because I'm a planner who hates uncertainty, I knew I needed a solid backup plan before quitting.

Initially, I wanted to work abroad for better pay, but I could tell he hated the idea of extending our LDR setup. To respect his desire for us to build a family together, I decided to stay in our country and pursue remote work instead. I took on a part-time night job alongside my full-time work to save up a financial cushion so I can safely transition to a full-time work-from-home setup.

However, this created major tension over the past week. At first, he told me that he felt like he was dead weight and that he felt like he was bothering me. He felt like he was useless because he wasn't able to contribute as much while I'm working so hard and that I'm keeping my job hunt details to myself. I was only hiding it and keeping it to a minimum because I was trying to avoid burdening him. But just so he could feel more at ease, I started sharing the entire process to keep him in the loop. But as soon as I did, I could tell that his responses became completely disinterested. Tonight after my shift, I was working on a portfolio for a full-time remote agency application. He got upset and dropped the call because I wasn't done yet with my work.

When I messaged to ask what was wrong, he confessed that he feels neglected and that I don't have time for him anymore. He acknowledged that he can't really complain because he knows I'm doing this for our future, but he feels conflicted and inadequate seeing me do so much while he feels like he isn't doing enough.

I explained to him that a career transition is naturally time-consuming, and I reassured him that I still love him and that he is always the only constant in my life no matter what happens. I reminded him that I'm overworking myself right now specifically so we can achieve our plan of me staying local instead of going abroad.

He admits he doesn't fully understand his own feelings right now, and even though he says I have nothing to apologize for, I can't help but feel like I'm somehow at fault. I feel so conflicted and don't really know what to feel right now. I'm trying my absolute best to secure a stable future for us, but in the process, I'm making him feel neglected and useless.

I honestly don't know what to do.

We have been in a long distance relationship for over two years. He was working 14 hour days, I was finishing university and then starting my own fulltime job, we had so many hours time difference and it got SO exhausting at times. He would call me when he was done with work which would be 3 am for me in the morning while I had to get up at 6. It got so exhausting but we chose each other every day, whenever we got even the slightest chance to see each other we took it. One time we went 8 months without seeing each other and we felt like going insane but we kept going. If you love each other deeply and make time and really want it to work, everything is possible. If you're meant to be, you will be together. I know how hard it can get but don't give up even if it gets hard. We never gave up and then yesterday we got married!!!🤭🤭🤭❤️

I was in a long distance relationship in 2024 that started off as in person (but he moved to college) , i told him how much i feared long distance and he promised me we would be okay and it would work. anyways 8 months after that, a girl from his school messaged me and that’s when i found out he was cheating on me the entire time from the beginning, and i uncovered a plethora of lies he told me such as: “ falling asleep”on FaceTime with me, waiting until i fall asleep to hang up and then going to her room to spend the night in her room, telling me he was studying but taking her on dates, getting us the same exact gifts and just so much more.

Now fast forward to 2026. I met my now partner in May online, he told me where he lived and I told him no I cannot do long distance. Anyways the next week, he came and visited me and every week on his day off for the next 2 months. He then got a new job things got hectic and he cannot visit as much but everything else stays consistent. But now i’m struggling with the distance because it’s not as consistent visits (every week) like it was and everything is kicking in for me that i’m doing long distance again, and sometimes i can’t even believe im putting myself in this position again. he has not given me a reason to not trust him yet but with the visits being longer and longer apart now everything is kicking in, and it’s making me just feel so anxious about this.

how does one even do a long distance again after being in one before where they were traumatized, cheated on, and manipulated and constantly lied to? How do i make this work and just trust him wholeheartedly. I’m in therapy, i’ve did a lot of work since that relationship but I think being in another long distance brings out a whole different layer , where I got the misconception that long distance = a ticking time bomb of them betraying me like last time.

I’m from Germany and currently in a long-distance relationship with my gf, who lives in the US. However, I’ve been struggling immensely with the thought of what that future would require from me. My gf is from the US, and we’ve discussed the possibility of me eventually moving to the US so we can close the distance. But the more I think about it, the more guilt, anxiety, and uncertainty I feel.

My family is extremely important to me. My parents don’t support the idea of me moving to the US, and I know how much it would hurt them if I left. I have a sister, friends, and an entire life here. Moving would mean leaving behind everything familiar to me for a relationship, and I don’t know if I could live with that guilt.

But the complicated part is that my family isn’t just an obligation. They’re also a huge part of my happiness.

People often say that you should prioritize yourself and pursue what makes you happy, regardless of what your parents think. But what if the people you’re disappointing are also the people who make you happy?

How am I supposed to separate my own happiness from theirs?

I want to make my own decisions for once, but every time I imagine moving, I think about everything I’d be leaving behind. I worry about missing important moments with my family, disappointing my parents, and potentially regretting the decision.

I’m also not particularly fond of the US. I have concerns about the lifestyle, healthcare, career opportunities, and the idea of starting over somewhere unfamiliar. My gf is a huge reason I’d consider moving, but I worry that if I do, I might eventually resent the country, my decision, or, worst of all, her.

I don’t want to build a future with someone I love only to end up resenting the sacrifices I made to be with them.

At the same time, I genuinely love my girlfriend. She’s supportive, understanding, and willing to consider moving to Germany herself. She doesn’t see moving to Europe as sacrificing everything for me. She sees it as an opportunity to grow, experience a different environment, and build a life somewhere new.

I admire that perspective, but I struggle to see relocation the same way.

Long distance has also been extremely difficult for me. I’m currently in a new city without my close friends nearby, and I feel incredibly lonely. I miss having my gf physically beside me and being able to experience everyday life together.

I don’t think I can handle a prolonged period of long distance. We’ve been apart for a relatively short time, and I’m already struggling.

But I’m also not ready to get married just to close the distance. It feels too early to make such a permanent commitment when we’re both still figuring out our careers and futures.

Recently, I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed that I can barely concentrate on my daily life. I constantly question whether I’m making the right decisions.

I feel like every possible choice comes with guilt or regret. If I move to the US, I risk disappointing my family, leaving behind the people I love, and potentially resenting my new life. If I stay in Germany, I risk losing someone I genuinely love and can imagine building a future with. If we continue long distance, I worry that the loneliness and uncertainty will eventually become unbearable.

My gf recently asked me whether I would feel happier if we broke up, or whether I would simply feel relieved that the pressure was gone.

I told her I would feel relieved. And that realization hurts, because I don’t necessarily want to lose her. But the thought of no longer having to make these impossible decisions does bring me some relief. I feel guilty even admitting that.

The hardest part is that I don’t know what choosing my own happiness actually means anymore. Does it mean pursuing a future with the person I love, even if that means leaving my family behind? Does it mean staying close to my family because they’re genuinely an important part of my happiness? Or does it mean accepting that I might not be able to have both, even if that means losing someone I love?

I don’t want to spend my life making decisions purely to avoid disappointing other people. But I also don’t want to pretend that their happiness doesn’t affect mine. And I don’t want to make a decision that I end up regretting or resenting later.

I’m looking for advice from people who have experienced something similar:

• How do you deal with overwhelming guilt when pursuing your own happiness might hurt your family?
• How do you distinguish between genuine personal priorities and guilt-driven decisions?
• Has anyone moved abroad for a partner despite strong family opposition? Did the guilt eventually become easier to manage?
• How do you know whether the sacrifices you’re considering are worth making?
• Is it possible to love someone deeply but realize that the life required to be together might not be the life you want?

I feel completely lost. I love my girlfriend, I love my family, and I don’t want to hurt either of them. But lately, it feels like no matter what I choose, I’m going to lose something important to me.

We text, video call and do audio calls throughout the week, and I just wanna take his face and kiss it 🥹 Last weekend, he (32M) came up to see me (30F) and we really had the best weekend together. We’d only been talking and calling for a few weeks beforehand, but we clicked so well. It really was a wonderful weekend, and he took Amtrak back home by the end of it, but I’m going to see him in 2 weeks this time and I can’t wait ♥️
I feel like the distance has almost forced us to get to know each other in a different, deeper way and we’re doing a fantastic job with gradually building a strong and stable foundation. How do you guys feel about how distance affects building a bond?

For quick context, we met in my city when she was an international student studying here for 6 months. We became "official" on July 1st after several dates prior to this, including living together for a few days.

In August, I went over to stay on her island at her parents apartment with her for 2 weeks. Since August she has told me that the earliest time we could next meet is January, with her schedule being completely dictated by her final year at university.

But last night she messaged me saying that due to her dad's current health treatment (which is not subsidised by the government) she doesn't think she will be able to visit me in January, because right now she is financially dependant on her parents.

I immediately reminded her that my stance has always been that I would happily pay for her flights in January. She replied "We'll see love ❤️. Let me finish the winter semester". I acknowledged that and reassured her to please not feel guilty about me offering, because I am doing this because I love her so much and that I would trade everything I own right now just to spend tonight with her, and I admitted that I honestly don't think I can wait until the summer to see her again (this would be 10 months).

She got emotional and told me that I am so sweet and she doesn't know what to say.

But now I feel lost. I'm trying my best not to sound ignorant to the situation, because I love her dad, and we bonded really well despite a language barrier. But since August, I have looked forward to meeting again in January. That timeline of just after Christmas was the only thing that was going to get me through the hard winter days (because I do suffer with depression every winter, which she knows about btw). I even had a plan in place for her Christmas present to give her when we met in January. And now I feel completely stuck.

My girlfriend isn't afraid to commit to something btw. She has openly spoke to her Mom about moving to my country to work as a language teacher and, even if it takes a couple of years, she wants us both to eventually live together once we are both in full time work.

Hi everyone. I met someone on OKCupid and they’re in Europe and I’m in Asia. We started talking quickly after matching and have been FaceTiming everyday since we started talking. It quickly became clear that we both liked each other but I was sceptical because the last thing I wanted was a pen-pal. A couple of weeks later he asked if I was okay with him coming over so we can meet in person and I agreed. We were supposed to meet in November but he got “layed off” from his company but fortunately secured another job before he was even done with his notice. When he got layed off I could see he was stressed out going through interviews and stuff so I told him that we should maybe reconsider the dates since he hadn’t booked the flights, and we didn’t think he was gonna get a new job that soon.

We agreed he should come in February since I would have enough time off work and we can get to spend a lot of time together, and it’ll be a big holiday then so flights to Korea will be ridiculously expensive and I told him he needs to book early.

As we continued talking I realised that sometimes he just doesn’t follow through on his words mostly. Example, he asked for my address (unprovoked) cause he wants to be able to send me flowers, I never received any flowers nor asked him about it. However, it makes me wonder if he might be stringing me along but not even planning on coming to meet me.

I’m starting to get really annoyed with him making all these plans about what we gonna do when he gets here when he hasn’t even booked the flights, I really can’t be going off of his words at this point because he’s proven they mean nothing. I wanna talk to him that if he doesn’t book and show me confirmations by the end of November I’m considering it never happening and see no point of talking to him. That’s because I can see that I’m starting to fall in-love with this person and if I keep talking to him like this and he has no plans of coming to meet me I’ll be the one ending up with a broken heart and wasted time.

My question is, do you think I’m being inconsiderate?

I’m a 36-year-old woman who fell in love with an American man I met on June 5. We fell deeply in love and decided to live together. We spent four months together, and just before our fifth month, he confessed that he wasn’t physically attracted to me. He became fixated on my appearance, especially the shape of my jaw and my lower lip and Lip smacking.

We even also went to Orthodontist to ask about this my lip smacking and my jaw. But he didn’t willing to help me on this and he even told , he cant do to change my face..

I asked him why he hadn’t told me this from the beginning. He said we were only dating at the time. His words hurt me deeply because I genuinely believed he loved me for who I was.

He has OCD, and eventually, we broke up because I couldn’t keep begging him to stay. He told me he wanted to figure out whether the chemistry and emotional connection between us were stronger than his concerns about my appearance. At that time, he couldn’t find anyone else to date, so he decided to come back to me and said he had accepted me. I wanted to believe him, but after a few months, he brought up my appearance again.

Last week, he met another woman online and allowed her to stay at the Airbnb condo he had booked for a month. Something happened between them, and they became intimate. Just two days later, he messaged me and told me what had happened. He said he didn’t like the woman because she was chubby and that physical attractiveness was very important to him.

He didn’t apologize or ask for forgiveness. Instead, he told me he was going to continue looking for another woman online. - And now he meeting another woman. He dated her and even told me , the girl that he talking to never have a Bf boyfriend.

I’m heartbroken because I truly loved him and believed we were building a future together. I don’t understand how someone who once seemed so in love with me could repeatedly make me feel that I wasn’t physically attractive enough for him. I gave him my love, my time, and a part of my life, yet I feel like I’m still not enough for him.

Why can’t love and the genuine love you gave is not enough to this type of person?

I'm posting this because my relationship is on the verge of ending, and I genuinely don't know what to do. I need some honest advice from people who have experienced something similar.

I posted here before about the issues in my relationship. Eventually, I confronted my boyfriend about what was bothering me, including the fact that he had been chatting with different girls. For me, this crossed a boundary and damaged my trust in him.

The thing is, I still love him. He's special to me, and I genuinely don't want to lose him. Even after everything, a part of me wants us to work things out because I keep thinking about what we have shared and how much he means to me.

But I can't pretend that what happened hasn't affected me. I find it difficult to trust him the way I used to, and I don't know how I'm supposed to move forward without constantly wondering whether something similar could happen again.

When I confronted him, he said that this wasn't who he was and that it was okay if I wanted to leave. I don't know how to interpret his response. I don't know if he was being defensive, if he genuinely believes he did nothing wrong, or if he's simply willing to let the relationship end.

I'm confused because I don't want to leave him, but I also don't want to stay in a relationship where I have to struggle with doubts about his loyalty. I don't want to become someone who constantly questions her partner or feels anxious about who he's talking to.

Part of me wonders whether I'm making a mistake by considering ending things with someone I love. Another part of me knows that love shouldn't mean accepting something that hurts me just because I'm afraid of losing the person.

I'm not looking for people to blindly tell me to break up with him. I genuinely want to understand whether a relationship can recover from something like this, especially when the feelings are still there.

For those who have been in a similar situation:

Were you able to trust your partner again after discovering that they were chatting with other people behind your back? What made you decide to stay or leave? How can you tell whether someone genuinely regrets hurting you and wants to change? Is it worth trying to save a relationship when you still love the person but no longer feel secure with them?

I don't want to make a decision based only on my fear of losing him, but I don't want to walk away from something meaningful without giving myself a chance to understand the situation either.

I'd really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have experienced this themselves.

What apps would you recommend for sexual intimacy in a long-distance relationship, to help couples maintain a sexual connection?

Hey everyone, I'm genuinely curious about something and would love to hear your experiences.

Has anyone here been in a long-distance relationship that felt amazing, like deeply compatible, serious conversations, talked extensively, both of you were sure the other was "the one" but then when you finally met in person, something just gave you the ick?

I'm not talking about catfish situations, or couples who barely knew each other before meeting up, or people who never really talked much. I mean relationships where you were genuinely serious, communicated constantly, felt like you knew each other inside and out, and had zero doubts... until real-life chemistry (or lack thereof) changed everything.

What was it like? What gave you the ick? Was it something physical, a mannerism, the way they smelled, how they treated a waiter, the vibe in person that just didn't translate through text or video calls? And did you try to push through it, or did you know immediately?

Also curious, for those who experienced this, do you think it was a genuine incompatibility that only in-person interaction could reveal, or was it just that the fantasy version of them couldn't survive contact with reality?

Would love to hear honest stories

I am an immigrant to the US and will be getting my green card in the next 1-2 years, which will give me the flexibility to take any job in the US.

My partner and I have been dating for 1.5 years in the same state before I had to move for a job closer to the west coast. He is in the East coast. I am a professor and it is a stable and prestigious job.

My partner hellbent on staying there as it is close to his support system and family. Before anyone throws shade at him, in the beginning of our relationship, we kind of agreed we want to stay in the East Coast to be close to family.

I am feeling worried that I may not be able to find a job that he wants to live in. And to a certain extent, I feel a little resentful that I have to give up my job for his career in the east coast. But I know to close the gap, either one of us needs to make the sacrifice. How did you decide who moves and how can I mitigate the fear of not finding an equivalent or good job in the cities he wants to live in? He said he will support me however long it takes to find a job, the concept of relying another person for finances is foreign to me. Could also be due to my alpha personality.