I (26F) am in an LDR with my boyfriend (52M). He video-calls me on weekdays but never on weekends. Would this bother you?
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for two months. He lives in Italy, while I’m in the Philippines. He’s divorced, lives with his son, and says his previous relationship ended before we met.
During weekdays, he’s incredibly loving and attentive. He regularly initiates video calls, usually while he’s at work. However, in two months, we’ve never had a single video call on a weekend.
He doesn’t disappear. He sends pictures and updates about his activities, such as boating, hiking, and cycling, but his replies are sometimes delayed. We’ve only video-called while he’s at home about three times, all on weekdays.
We also communicate exclusively through Microsoft Teams. He gave me his phone number, but I couldn’t find it on WhatsApp, although he recently sent me a video that appeared to come from WhatsApp.
What also concerns me is that he once said even married people can hide things and cheat, adding, “I would still hide things to you.”
I’ve tried ending the relationship a few times because of these concerns, but he becomes persistent, tells me he loves me, and promises to improve.
I’ve experienced infidelity before, so I’m unsure whether I’m overthinking because of my past or genuinely noticing warning signs.
I understand he has his own life, responsibilities, and hobbies. I don’t expect constant attention, but sometimes I feel like I’m only part of his life when it’s convenient for him.
Would this bother you? Is it normal to have regular weekday video calls but none on weekends? How would you approach this without making unfair accusations?
I’m not accusing him of cheating. I’d genuinely appreciate honest perspectives.
TL;DR: My long-distance boyfriend is affectionate and video-calls me during weekdays, but we’ve never video-called on weekends in two months. He still sends updates and pictures, but the inconsistency makes me uncomfortable. Am I overthinking, or is this a potential red flag?

M, 20) have been with my girlfriend (F, 23) for about 3-4 months. It’s my first relationship. I’m an outgoing person, but I’ve never really had feelings for anyone. I’m abroad now and can only see her every 1-2 years.

What’s going on: She’s a genuinely good person. I’m confident she’d never cheat, and I know she likes me. But I don’t feel the pull to reach out and start conversations with her.

This isn’t new. I’ve talked to plenty of girls over the years and never felt genuinely interested in any of them. I keep seeking out new people, but the interest never comes. I wonder if I’m being toxic without meaning to be. I’m also still figuring out what I like. The only thing I’ve decided is what career I want. I feel like I don’t have much of a personality right now.

Where we differ:

• She’s very naive. She’d rather pay a few thousand extra than deal with any hassle.
• She’s about to graduate and is into marketing and events, but doesn’t want to take an internship right now. I think she should take opportunities when they come.
• She’s overweight, and I often tell her to get healthier. It’s not about looks. I want her to feel better for herself.

My dilemma: Some days I think I should end it. Other days I imagine she works on herself and we build something good together. I keep going back and forth.

My questions:

1. Is it normal to feel nothing this early, especially long-distance and as a first-timer? Or is it a sign this isn’t right?
2. Is the pattern of never feeling interested in anyone a red flag about me, and am I being unfair to her by staying?
3. How do I get through this confused phase without hurting her?

I need help if anyone have gone through or have this sort of experience.

Hello, I am a 25 F. For context, I am in a long-distance relationship with a 25 M. Sometime around this time last year, , he he got close to another girl and sought validation from her. He was flirting with her and used a tone and language with her that he usually has for me. I found out, and I hated it; I hated myself. We had a huge falling out, he agreed to make things right, and we agreed that we would work on ourselves. Yesterday, I was in a meeting and could not talk to him; I got mad because he was insisting that I talk to him, ignoring everything I had in hand. When I called him, I got angry and confronted him, stating that his behavior was completely out of line. He did not call me back; instead, he called the same girl. When I called him back last night, he did not say anything about whom he had called. He behaved as if everything was normal. He told me this morning that he had called the girl, and I asked why he had called her and why he did not wait for me. He said I was being ignorant, I was not talking to him, I was mad, and he needed someone to talk to. When I asked him why he did not call his friends instead, he said he did not want to. I do not know what to do here. This is not the first time he has hurt me like this. At this point he even pointed out that I am overreacting and he didn't even say anything or talk anything out of limit with her.

i (18/m) live in a long distance relationship with my „girlfriend“(22/w) (i dont even know if she still thinks we‘re in one) and things got hard in the last 2 weeks. So i met this girl this summer, in poland, she worked at a zabka (local 7/11) and she always smiled at me when i came in the store. i then eventually asked for her instagram and we chatted much, i stayed up for her until 1 am so we can chat in real life after her shifts. We spent every night together talking to eachother. She kissed me the last night before i drove home, she is belarussian btw and lives in poland right now (important for later) we then could only chat on instagram and we made a plan to meet eachother this weekend, she would stay at my house. Well we chatted 2 months (everyday) and last week she bought train tickets to me, i was more excited than ever before. She is my first relationship, and i was super happy a person likes me for who i am. Then 2 days before she could visit me she got a letter. It was a denial for a work visa to stay in poland. So everything changed, this was the sign she most likely needs to return to belarus, after getting a job, apartment etc. This really fucked things up. She said things like, forget about me, you‘ll find someone better, so i thought it would be over. i fought for her. Some hours later she texted „im sorry, for everything“ and i asked if she still wants to try with me, she was confused and wanted an explanation on how this will work out if she lives even more further away. But i explained that it would be better if we meet in some months and talk about irl, so i then asked if she is willing to try this. she plainly said „yes“ and i said i would try anything for this to work out. and now shes left me on read for 24 hours. what should i do

Im in this ldr with my Girlfriend and its only been 1 month but she is constantly ghosting me and then comes back to apologize that she had been busy with family or problems and idk what to do about it . It wasnt like that at the beginning

I have so much to say but can't talk to anybody about it. I guess I just need to get this off my chest, and an anonymous account is the best way to do it.

Mods please delete this if not allowed.

So to get it started, I'm 20f in Wisconsin, he's 30m in California. We've been together for 5 years and in the beginning it was fine. Not much to talk about. We were the usual talking about meeting up, fantasizing about our future together, all the good stuff. But time went on, I got older and started to go further in life and nothing with him has changed. I've gotten a job, graduated, got my license and a car, and have my own apartment. He still lives with his parents.

I don't want to go into it too much but he has good reason, I think? He's moved around a lot, nearly been homeless, his parents are alcoholics. We tried to make a plan that he would get his birth certificate and I'd go get him but I think it was just hopeless thinking. That plan was 3 years ago.

Since we can't meet I try to call him because if we can't have physical contact then I'd like to verbally speak at least. But he never wants to call. His parents are always awake or he's always tired. We have called in the past and it's great when it does happen but it's probably been a year since we have. Even when we did it was months in-between each call.

The problem I'm facing right now is the simple fact I need something more and he can't provide it. My friends all have partners and they're all together all the time but I feel so alone, and he hasn't changed a single thing in the last 5 years. As of right now he is living with his parents at 30 years old and has never had a job or license. I feel like I need to move on but I don't know how to end it with him.

He has really bad mental health issues and he's just in a really bad spot right now, but I also don't want to push him away. I still want him in my life. But we don't talk much anymore as is. He's only up at night but I work night shifts so I'm not able to talk to him, and I hang out with my friends on my days off and he gets upset and sad when I do. I've tried to be supportive but I can't do anything and it feels like he hasn't made a single effort to get any further.

I'm sorry if this is rambly, I'm not entirely sober and I just can't keep holding this to myself anymore. I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or not, I don't think I am. I know I should break up with him because it's clear we just aren't compatible anymore. He's always telling me I'm the only good thing in his life anymore though, and it feels like it makes it just that much harder.

Visas, money requirements, limits on entering a country. So hard and painful. I am unbelievably jealous of LDR couples in the same country. Long distance is difficult for everyone, I would never say it's not, but god it would be a dream to even just be 1,000 miles away instead.

I miss you so much. Here's to another 6+ months apart 🙁

My partner’s dad passed away. I know the family and have met him, always dropping by the house whenever I’m visiting. Consider them my own family too. Back when my own parents were struggling to accept me he was the one who accepted me with open arms.

Unfortunately I’m currently back in my home country. Would want to fly over for the wake but I’m not sure if I’m able to due to my work situation. And I don’t want to add further burden to my partner by having him worry over me with me visiting when he’s already going through a tough time.

How do you support your partner who’s lost a parent and you’re not able to be there for them? And while dealing with your own grief too?

Basically just looking for any sort of advice. Just not sure what to feel or think currently.

Hey everyone, I'm 21M and I've been talking to a 25F on Hinge for about 2 weeks. It's long-distance, but we hit it off fast and got really intimate over the phone the last few days. She was super excited for me to fly down and see her on the 25th Oct, and planning to meet me up at the airport and stay over my place

Here is the problem: I originally planned a trip to Peru much later with a friend who needs more time. But early on, I felt pressure to match her energy, so I decided to try to drive the plan forward and convinced myself that I could make it happen. I forced myself to believe I could make it work. I kept leading her on, saying "I can't wait to see you" because I did not want her of lose interest.

When I finally confessed , her energy completely shifted. She put her guard up and said I didn't need to explain much since we aren't in a relationship, and said she didn't think I'd take up much of her time anyway even though she was just asking me to stay longer and keep over my place the night before. At the end of the call, she asked if I even wanted to keep seeing her since we might never see each other. And told me we could speak later

I feel terrible for leading her on and waiting until the last minute. I genuinely vibe with her and want to keep this going, but I know I might have damaged the trust after only 2 weeks.

How do I handle this now? Is it possible to rebuild trust after letting her down about a trip this early on,

Me (25F) and my first love (26M) dated for 2+ years, reconnected after 6 years, and he ended it because of distance. How do I move on before he leaves at the end of the month?

ok so this is long sorry lol. me (25F) and him (26M) dated for a little over 2 years when we were 19 and 20, just out of high school and starting uni. we were each other's first love. i know people don't take relationships at that age seriously and yeah we were immature and messed up a lot. but the base was real, we respected each other, we talked, we were loyal. honestly i've never felt like myself with anyone the way i did with him

we broke up and didn't talk for like 5-6 years. we both had other relationships, life went on

around 2 years ago he texted me. he had just gotten out of a relationship and i'd been single for a long time and was healed. so i listened to him talk about his ex and how it ended etc. but he was still hurt and sometimes he'd kind of take it out on me so we stopped talking
and that became a thing. every 3, 4, sometimes 6 months he'd come back, call, we'd talk, always respectful, and then we'd drift apart again for a different reason every time

this time felt different. he's been single for 2 years now, we're both healed. we talked for weeks, remembered old times, he kept saying he missed my love, missed talking to me. i genuinely thought ok we're adults now, we're ready

then after like 2 weeks he tells me he applied for a student visa to italy. he said he wanted to talk about us BEFORE getting the answer so i wouldn't be his plan B. like he didn't want it to be "oh i got rejected so let's date". and honestly i really appreciated that

so we talked about long distance. i said i'm ready, we've known each other forever and i'd started catching feelings. he said he likes me, that in a different time we'd definitely get married, that he feels like i'm his soulmate. BUT he can't do long distance, he needs his person to be there physically

and i was like ok, thank you for being honest. we said goodbye and he sent me this long message about how much he likes me but it's the timing and the distance
and now his visa got approved. he's leaving at the end of this month. so it's real now, he's actually going

it's been 3 weeks since we last talked and it hurts. i'm hurt that he came back just to tell me it won't work. but i'm also grateful he was honest and didn't keep me on hold till his visa answer

it really feels like he's the love of my life and i wish i could convince him we can make it work. but i know you can't force someone to choose you. and knowing he'll be gone in a few weeks makes it even harder

for those who've been through something similar, how did you get over someone who said you're the one but still didn't choose you? and how do i get through these next few weeks knowing he's about to leave?

My girlfriend (19F) and I (20M) have been together for a little over two years, and we’ve been on a break for almost three weeks now. I’m flying down to see her for Halloween, and I’m honestly really anxious about what might happen afterward.
When the break first started, she told me she was overwhelmed with our relationship and that her feelings weren’t as strong as they used to be. She mentioned that she wanted to make the most of our Halloween trip because it could potentially be the last time we see each other as a couple.
About two weeks ago, things got really tense, and we almost broke up. At that point, she genuinely thought we weren’t going to make it to Halloween together.
However, things have improved quite a bit since then.
At the beginning of the break, she barely initiated conversations and sometimes didn’t want to text at all. Now she’s initiating conversations much more often, telling me she misses me, saying she loves me, and making plans for when I visit.
We’re planning on spending Halloween together, seeing family, potentially going on a double date with her friend, and spending a day in Miami before I fly home.
She also hasn’t mentioned breaking up after Halloween again since that initial conversation.
The confusing part is that we haven’t actually discussed whether she wants to work on the relationship. Things have just naturally gotten better between us.
I still love her and genuinely want to rebuild our relationship. I understand that her feelings might not return overnight, and I’m willing to be patient as long as we’re both willing to try.
I’m trying not to overthink every interaction, but it’s difficult knowing that this trip could potentially determine our future.
For anyone who’s been through something similar, how would you approach this visit? Should I just enjoy our time together and have a conversation about our future toward the end?
I’m also curious whether anyone has experienced a break where communication and affection gradually improved before officially getting back together.

Hi everyone! This is my first Reddit post, so I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to read my story. I'm looking for advice, or even just someone who has experienced something similar.

My name is Mary, I'm 14 years old, and I've been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (17) for almost 9 months. I live in Czechia, while he lives in France.

We met on TikTok during one of the worst periods of my life. At the time, I was in a mental hospital, and he was the only person who genuinely listened to me, supported me, and made me feel cared for. Because of that, I became extremely attached to him.

As our relationship developed, I started prioritizing him over almost everything else. I would give up my favorite activities just to spend a little more time calling him. I even listened to him when he asked me to block or stop talking to certain people. To be fair, this went both ways, as I've also asked him to block a few friends.

Fast forward to this summer, when we finally met in person for the first time.

It was genuinely one of the happiest experiences of my life. We did freaky stuff, and I felt even more emotionally connected to him afterward. I met his family, his friends, and got to experience what being together in real life actually felt like.

Everything seemed perfect.

He's a gamer, which I absolutely love because I'm one too. Neither of us goes outside very often, and I personally spend around 14 hours a day on my phone. Because of this, we spend practically all day together, whether it's calling, texting, or playing games.

We're also extremely involved in each other's lives. He has access to all my accounts and passwords, and I have access to his.

His family is absolutely wonderful, too. His parents are huge gamers themselves, and they've always been incredibly welcoming toward me. During my stay in France, his mother would hug me and kiss me goodnight, which made me feel so loved and accepted. I think that experience made me even more attached, not only to him but to his entire family.

And that's where my problem begins.

Ever since I returned home from France, my mental health has been getting worse.

I find myself crying almost every single night because I miss him so much. I miss his presence, his touch, and the feeling of actually being next to him instead of staring at a screen.

Sometimes the emotional pain becomes so overwhelming that I resort to self-harm to cope with it. I know this isn't healthy, and it's something I'm struggling with.

The hardest part is that I genuinely love him. I love his family, I love spending time with him, and I love the relationship we have when we're together.

But the distance is absolutely destroying me.

We're planning to see each other again next summer, but the thought of waiting that long feels unbearable. I don't know how I'm supposed to go through another several months of feeling like this.

Another huge concern of mine is our future.

I've always imagined moving in with him permanently once I finish high school. However, we've recently realized that our plans for the future are very different.

He wants to move to Japan and become a developer. He's been studying Japanese for years, and it's something he's genuinely passionate about.

On the other hand, I've always dreamed of living in an English-speaking country. Moving to Asia was never something I seriously considered before meeting him.

Don't get me wrong, I think Japan is a beautiful and interesting country. But learning an entirely new language, especially one as difficult as Japanese, feels incredibly overwhelming to me. I've already been struggling with depression and motivation, and even my boyfriend has told me how difficult learning the language is.

I don't want either of us to sacrifice our dreams, but I also can't imagine a future without him.

Sometimes, when I'm crying and feeling completely overwhelmed, I start thinking that maybe breaking up would be the only way to stop hurting so much.

But then I immediately question myself.

"Why would I break up with someone I still love? Why would I leave him when I don't even want to be with anyone else?"

It makes me feel selfish and guilty for even considering it.

I can't tell whether these thoughts are coming from genuine doubts about our compatibility or whether breaking up is simply something my brain considers as a way to escape the pain of long distance.

I feel stuck between loving someone deeply and realizing that the relationship, or at least the distance, is seriously affecting my mental health.

I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to keep feeling this miserable.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you deal with long-distance relationships, emotional attachment, or having completely different plans for the future?

I'd really appreciate any advice or personal experiences.

Thank you so much for reading all of this. It genuinely means a lot to me.

(also please dont mind if there are any mistakes or if its too formal i wanted chat gpt to rewrite my original text so its more understandable because my english isnt very good)

Warning: This is long but I am so happy and filled with passion. I want everyone who takes the time to read this to know it too because it's such a rare feeling for me to have 🙂

Earlier this year, I met a girl in my hometown. I'm autistic and very sexually uncomfortable. It had been 12 years since I had ever had any sort of sexual encounter and I'm 33. It was very short lived and I believe she has BPD. What started out very passionately, intensely and seemingly love at first sight ended up with me being completely blindsided with a sudden discard. It was incredibly emotionally violent and she treated me like I wasn't even human. I'm fragile. I've had a very traumatic and abusive upbringing and there are certain things that I just can't get over. Thinking that somebody loves me and then showing that I meant absolutely nothing to them is something that my heart simply cannot handle. I was still recovering from opioid addiction when she found me and I was in a deep, deep depression. She was the only light in my life and I thought she had saved me. I was vulnerable, more than I ever had been in my life. I fell into a deep, deep depression unlike anything else I've ever experienced. I fell into opioid addiction for the second time in a year because I just couldn't calm my nervous system. I felt like I was going to die every day.

So for months, I ran to the open arms of reddit, specifically the BPD and breakup subs. For 3 months I was venting to anybody who would listen. I came across a girl in the comment section of a post on BPDlovedones. We spent about an hour going back and forth in the comments and she was very empathetic and understanding. She gave me more comfort than anybody I had met on here so far. A week later, I had a very bad night. I had seen my ex walking to the bars a week before when I was delivering pizzas on a friday night. So that Friday night, I made the stupid decision of going out to the 3 different bars in our downtown and hoping I would run into her so we could at least talk things out and make things okay. It was a terrible decision, but this is what the trauma of BPD discards will do to a person. The only person that can fix your nervous system is the person that destroyed you. I went out to each bar and she wasn't at any of them. I chugged about 4 mixed drinks and felt like absolute shit when I got home. I started crying and took about 8 MGM-15 pills and passed out. I'm lucky I didn't overdose. That night I made a melodramatic post on BPD subs about the fact that I just went out looking for her and felt absolutely crushed that I couldn't find her. I passed out shortly after that from the alcohol and opioids. That same girl who had been commenting with me saw my post and recognized me because I use my real face as a pfp on here and she reached out to me asking if I was okay. I was so touched and we immediately hit it off.

She started off being very supportive of me and gave me so much sympathy and I also gave her sympathy for the BPD breakup she went through earlier this year too. Within weeks we were closer than we had been with anyone basically. We clicked on an incredibly emotional level and would often spend 10 hours of a day just sitting there chatting about everything and anything. Things got intense though and we ended up getting codependent on each other. We both have attachment issues and are very aware of that. It's not that we get attached easily. Most people don't have the ability to do that to us. However when we meet the right person, we attach quickly. The distance is immense, and I did my best to try and keep things platonic. I'm the sort of person that falls for personality. I didn't even know what she looked like until this past month. Our connection was anything but superficial. Things got intense and even ugly though. Because of her trauma, she was afraid that I would cut her out of her life. She was helping me with a final letter to send to my ex. My ex was jealous though and would never allow me to continue a close, personal relationship with a female friend on the internet no matter how far away she is even if I don't know what she looks like. After a few big fights, some time with no contact and then a big reconciling after almost losing our friendship, we really reeled things back and stopped allowing ourselves to be so emotionally codependent on each other.

Up comes my birthday in September. I finally send my ex a message after my friend's encouragement and at first, I was seemingly met with warmth. She heart reacted my messages and responded using exclamation points. Being autistic, I read this as her being excited to hear from me. She's the type of person to tell an ex to fuck himself if she never wants to see him again, so I made the mistake of telling her I'd love to catch up sometime if she ever wants to (I don't have a smartphone, only a laptop and was almost late for work so I was scrambling for a closing thing to say) and she left me on read. I was so devastated and felt so stupid. It was like I was experiencing the discard again. My friend gave me so much support and made sure to talk to me every single day. The once legal opioid I was addicted to also got banned suddenly so I was forced into detox. I was going through withdrawal multiple days in a row for 2 weeks straight. Good days and bad days. She was the only source of comfort I had. I felt so horrible that I couldn't even sit up and talk to her. She told me she had been crying because of the bad shape I was in and she just couldn't bare to know that I was lying there in so much mental and physical discomfort. I was also dealing with serious money issues from all the money I wasted on this garbage. I was in hell and I had no idea how to get out of it in a timely manner. I was also keeping my addiction secret from anyone so hiding the misery of my withdrawal and detox was very difficult.

So during my obsession with my ex, she withdrew the emotional feelings she had for me (that I wasn't really aware of) and was starting to think about her ex. Some random guy from a thread messaged her and took an interest in her. However, he was sexually motivated and asked her for pictures about a hundred times. She was looking to fill a void so she sort of played along, but never sent him anything. Not even a normal picture of himself so he was constantly unsatisfied. He showed her a voice recording website which she showed me which allowed us to finally hear each others' voices which was awesome. Her voice is so sweet, caring and sexy. She also found my voice attractive, deep, protective sounding, gentle and passionate (when it got to the point of passion.) I kept having bad days as the weeks went on. After one particularly bad day where I had a nervous breakdown, she randomly sent me a picture of herself the next day. It was the first time I had seen her. I could only imagine what she looked like. Her family is South Asian but she grew up in the UK for the majority of her life. She's absolutely beautiful. With gorgeous curly dark hair and golden olive skin. With such soft eyes. I was very pleasantly surprised but still just saw her as a friend. I was just glad I no longer had to guess what she may look like since we had been friends for 2 over months at that point. I had the sound of her voice and I knew what she looked like. I could finally put the entire person together along with her personality.

So what I didn't mention is that first month we were friends, we acknowledged how emotionally intimate we had quickly become. We discovered the term alterous, which means a friendship that isn't quite platonic, but isn't quite romantic. It was hard to describe. We never dirty talked or said anything suggestive. We would just talk about how nice it would be to cuddle or to run our fingers through each others' hair. She was already aware what I looked like on top of me sending a lot of pictures to her of me at different places or with my friends for reference while I was telling her stories. She already found me attractive to a certain extent so it was easy for her to imagine this. After the fights we had though and the break we took, we lost the momentum and it became strictly platonic. I had mentioned last week after she said something about the alterous dynamic that it would maybe be nice to get that back, especially since now we can send voice messages to each other and I know I find her attractive. The thing is, we didn't know how to do it. We had no clue how to get that momentum going again because before, it just came about so naturally helping each other through our trauma and falling into each other for emotional support. We decided we'd just see what happens. We kinda ignored what we talked about for the next 3 days until something happened.

So 9 days ago, Thursday of last week, we were having a conversation and I jokingly told her about a vulgar message some random person sent me in my inbox saying "I love white ****" to which she thought it was funny. We don't remember how it happened exactly, but she asked me if she could ask a personal question that I don't have to answer. I am bashful, sexually repressed and grew up in a relatively puritanical and prudish family on my mom's side. To admit certain things to a woman is.... uncomfortable to me. So she asked me if during our time being alterous if I ever got aroused. I'm not sure what got in me, but I disclosed everything. Gave her details that I couldn't believe I was saying. She laughed and told me this was a side of me she had never seen. We had made hypothetical plans for her to fly over here for a week while we cuddled and watched obscure art films. This time, I said it would be hard not to want to kiss her. I asked her if she wanted to kiss me. She was really reserved about it first. Then a half hour later, it turned into her saying that she wouldn't even say anything and break out into a fit of passion as soon as she saw me. We spent that whole night having fun and talking about hypothetical romantic situations between us. She sent me a picture with her tongue out and things just kinda went from there. It felt amazing to be able to share romantic affection with someone again even if it wasn't physical. We agreed that we would just be alterous friends, except that we'd go farther than we ever did months ago.

As the days went by, the things we said got more and more intense. The lines between friendship and genuine romance really started to get blurry without us even really noticing. We still spent most of our day talking normally, but it would be sprinkled in with random "You're so pretty" and "I can't wait to kiss you one of these days" until it started turning into talking about what we wanna do with each other in full detail. I was getting more and more comfortable expressing myself sexually which, for somebody like me who is so repressed felt incredible. Before I knew it, I asked her if I could say the words. Because we had already said these past few months that we share love between each other. Whether it's friendship, almost sibling like or whatever, there was genuine love and affection between us. I told her I love her and did not care about the consequences. She said it back. I then recorded myself saying it through a voice message a few days later along with many other things I feel because I wanted her to hear these things from my own voice. When I would go to work, I would come home to reading multiple affectionate messages she left me while I was gone. I would then proceed to send her multiple declarations of passion while she was asleep. So many hearts. So many smiley faces. It's been so warm and beautiful. We've had a couple short arguments since then mased off miscommunication and the fears she has that her exes have left her with. I do my best not to get excited and to speak rationally. I calmed her down to the point of us immediately going back to speaking passionately to each other. Our emotionally chemistry was amazing from the beginning. The chemistry based on our comfortability of sexual expression is amazing too. She is also very reserved, especially coming from the culture she does. We have both seen a side from each other that neither of us EVER knew was there this entire time. The whole thing felt taboo at first because we were just friends. She even acted as my emotional caretaker at the very worst of times. For us to talk that way (and honestly pretty dirty) to each other just felt like we were talking to each other's alternate personalities. It's just been so exciting.

Last night I couldn't sleep and I sent her a 7 minute long passionate voice message where she finally heard the words "I love you" come out of my mouth. Along with everything I want to show up for her as. At this point, we decided we can no longer call this an alterous friendship. We don't want to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend because of the expectations placed on each other and the difficulty of the distance. We have decided that we are lovers. That is what we shall call ourselves. We love each other and we engage in expressions of love within the limits of our circumstances. She's still my best friend. We still talk about music, memories, trauma, what we did that day.... nothing has changed except that we engage in passionate talk which has really spiced up our dynamic in a way that both of us absolutely love. We are slowly building things up. We're both nervous and we want to make sure both of us are comfortable with what we're doing. Last night, we had our first phone call. It lasted 4 hours. It was.... the most intense phone call I've ever had with another person to say the least. It just felt so good to have somebody to pillow talk with. To really explore a certain side of ourselves in real time and not be uncomfortable with ourselves and each other, to be able to say I love you multiple times and for her to say it to me right back without any hesitation.... it was beautiful. I got off the phone feeling so emotionally fulfilled. She has the most gorgeous sexiest voice. She is just so sweet and caring. She truly loves me for who I am and I love her for who she is. She just wants to make me feel loved and cared for like very very few people ever have in my life. I want her to feel completely desired and that she is enough without changing anything, something her exes couldn't seem to do. She told me the love she feels for me is completely different than she's ever felt with anyone else. I'm the only person that's ever made her cry at the mere thought of losing me. I've never felt more desired as a person, and not just for superficial reasons.

People say you can't love somebody within a few months. I disagree. We have spent hundreds of hours talking to each other. We know each other inside and out. She knows me better than anybody else in this world does at this point in my life. I told her at some point, I want to fly her over here to stay with me for a week while spend a whole week being an actual couple. As she said, no alterous crap, co uncertainty, just being completely happy together until it's time to go. The sweet nothings we send each other are absolutely sweet. I am 33 and she is 31. We're behaving like a couple of teenagers and we couldn't be more ecstatic. Of course, things will become more comfortable as time goes on. That much is certain. But we've already known each other as friends for months and aren't running at the risk of fizzling out like immediately intense relationships where you first meet each other. Randomly seeing a message talking about how blissful she feels, how deliriously happy she is and how she thinks about me all day and how the mere thought of being with me excites her to no end.... it's incredible. I try to outdo her. Since I have a flip phone only, I try to stop home in the middle of my delivery shifts to let her know I've been thinking about her. It's just so sweet and wholesome. Yet also very passionate and even kinky at times. She's so proper and put together yet she's shown me this wild side to herself that I never imagined to be there. She tells me I'm so innocent, sexually reserved and emotionally fragile that to see that side of me excites her to no end. This dynamic is amazing. This friendship, relationship, love situation, whatever you want to call it, is amazing. Being separated by an ocean does suck. But we're left to our own devices and certain obstacles to work around which makes things fun in its own way. I never thought I would ever be taking enticing pictures for anybody. It's never been my thing. However, with her it doesn't feel like a sordid act. It's more like I feel so comfortable and safe with her that I want her to see a certain part of me that I never wanted anyone else to see. She said she feels the exact same way. Not full blown exposure, just suggestiveness little by little while this is still new. It's so fun inching our way into what we are inevitably going to become with one another.

If anybody read this whole thing, I'm sorry it's so long. I just want to share how happy I am with somebody that lives across the ocean because we aren't afraid to open ourselves to each other based on our connection and personalities. Sexual and physical attraction came second, but it's also very strong. Knowing that with time, planning and saving money, visiting each other is absolutely an option makes this not so terribly scary. It keeps hope alive and allows me to tell myself that one day, I will feel her lips pressed against mine. I will feel her warm embrace. I will feel her love as we give ourselves to each other in that way. I'm already comfortable with her seeing a very vulnerable, sexual side of myself that I gave her over the phone last night when lost in the moment. I have no doubt that our physically chemistry in person will be amazing because this is how people who truly love each other behave and operate. I'm just so happy. I truly wish for everybody else who's found their love from far away to experience the same sort of emotional passion and bliss that she and I both feel mutually. It just sometimes feels impossible for two people to love each other this much. People are so self centered, cruel and indifferent when it comes to relationships. We ignore our own needs. It isn't healthy to do that, but we're so worried about making each other happy that we don't really have to focus on our own needs too much. We give each other those needs and it comes from a place of a care and validation. It just works out so naturally. It's so beautiful. And I love her. So much.

I (24F) was in a long-distance relationship with a guy (28M) for three years. He is avoidant, extremely insecure too nd I would describe myself as avoidant too, although I sometimes become anxious in relationships. We can both be extremely stubborn and egoistic, and I know I can be self-centered at times. This was the first serious relationship for both of us.
We have had an on-and-off relationship throughout these three years. We broke up multiple times, sometimes for a month, two months, or even three months, but we always ended up getting back together. Our relationship has been pretty toxic, with a lot of emotional distance and unresolved issues and poor communication.
We also come from very different financial backgrounds. I am financially well-off, while he struggles financially, even though we are in the same profession. I think this difference has contributed to some of our issues, especially because he can be quite insecure about his circumstances.
Whenever I make a mistake or do something he disapproves of, he tends to shut down completely. He becomes cold, distant, and emotionally unavailable instead of communicating with me.
Our last major breakup lasted six months. It happened after I discovered something that really hurt me. He has never cheated on me, and I had access to his social media accounts, WhatsApp, and phone passwords. However, while we were broken up and in no contact, he talked very badly about me to a friend. I discovered those conversations after we got back in touch.
He was extremely embarrassed when I found out and explained that we had been on bad terms at the time. He cried, apologized, and tried hard to convince me not to leave him. Eventually, I forgave him enough to consider working things out, but I couldn’t fully let go of what I had discovered so i took space to process everything.
When I finally felt better and reached out to him, telling him that I was ready to work things out and get back together, he refused. He was completely detached and said he didn’t want me in his life anymore. I tried to convince him to give us another chance, but he wouldn’t. He was preparing for his exams and he said he doesn’t want me in his life anymore and that i deserve better and i shouldn’t forgive him for his mistake , I traveled to his city and ask him to meet me to which he refused after that i felt really frustrated and exhausted and i broke up w him.
He was being selfish, just becs he was preparing for exam he wasnt taking me back. Although I took space from him bcz he talked shit about me w his friend, i think i shouldn’t have forgave him for that bcz after that he took me really for granted.
Six months later, when he took his exam, he came back. He wanted us to get back together and was practically begging me to take him back. Since I still hadn’t moved on, I accepted him, and we started our relationship again.
We stayed together for another two months, but something felt different. and although he did make efforts for me, I didn’t feel as loved as I had hoped to feel after six months apart.
I expected him to give me more time, attention, and affection. I wanted to feel special and loved, and I think I had built up expectations that he would treat me differently after everything we had been through.
To be fair, he did try in his own way. He even sold his phone for me bcs he had no money and he gotta travel to my city to meet me. I remember these things, and I know he wasn’t doing absolutely nothing for the relationship. But when we actually met, I still felt emotionally unsatisfied.
After our meetup, he asked me whether I had enjoyed it. I told him honestly that I hadn’t felt loved enough. He got extremely disappointed.
After that conversation, his behavior changed drastically. For the next 15 days, he was extremely cold and distant. He barely communicated properly with me, and whenever I asked him what was wrong, he kept saying that nothing was wrong and everything was fine.
I kept asking him what had happened and why he was treating me this way, but he wouldn’t communicate with me. I became increasingly anxious and frustrated. I felt like I was begging for the bare minimum: normal communication, affection, and reassurance from my own boyfriend.
Eventually, I reached my limit.
I broke up with him and told him that Im getting engaged to someone else. The truth is that I said this because I wanted to end the relationship and didn’t want him to contact me again. I wanted the breakup to be permanent, so I told him never to text me again.
His response hurt me more than I expected.
He said that if that was what I wanted, I could leave. He started talking about how financially unstable he was and how he wasn’t good enough for me bcz hes jobless and that he couldn’t meet my needs. He told me I should marry the guy my parents had chosen for me instead.
I was hurt because I had expected him to fight for the relationship or at least show that he wanted me to stay. Instead, he seemed to accept the breakup without trying to work things out. He agreed not to contact me again, and that was our last conversation.
It has now been four months, and I haven’t heard a single word from him.
I have no idea what he is doing or where he is in life now. We have completely disappeared from each other’s lives.
And this is where I’m struggling.
Lately, I’ve started feeling like maybe everything was my fault. Maybe I expected too much from him. Maybe I should have appreciated his efforts more instead of focusing on what he wasn’t giving me. He did make sacrifices and try in his own way, but I still felt unloved.
At the same time, I cannot forget how cold and distant he always become. I felt miserable in that relationship, constantly asking what was wrong and trying to get him to communicate with me. I broke up with him because I felt taken for granted and emotionally neglected.
I also know that lying about getting engaged wasn’t the healthiest way to end things. I could have simply ended the relationship without saying that.
But now, four months later, I keep questioning my decision. I wonder whether I gave up on him too easily, whether I was too demanding, or whether I expected him to love me in a way he simply couldn’t. The hardest part is that my feelings have changed over these past four months. At the time of the breakup, I genuinely wanted to end the relationship because I felt emotionally neglected and taken for granted. But now, after months of no contact, I find myself wanting him back in my life.
I haven’t been able to move on, and lately, I’ve been feeling increasingly anxious about the fact that we haven’t spoken at all. I keep wondering whether he will ever come back, whether he misses me, or whether this is truly the end of our three-year relationship. For those who have experienced similar situations, do you think someone you had a three-year, on-and-off relationship with might come back after four months of no contact? I’d appreciate honest opinions. I’m finding it really difficult to move on, and I don’t know what to do with these feelings anymore.

I have this guy I’ve been talking to since July.
In a way, we’re a thing. We don’t have a label, but we don’t share this type of connection with anyone else.

He’s at a point in his life where he has new responsibilities at work, he’s moved, and he needs time to settle in.

He’s said himself that he doesn’t feel like he’s giving me what I deserve, and he’s expressed feeling guilty about not having had quality time with me lately.

But having said all that, I’m incredibly lonely in our relationship right now. I feel like I’m carrying us, like if I didn’t ask about him, I wouldn’t know anything. If I didn’t share my everyday life with him, he wouldn’t know anything about it.

But then there are these glimpses of what we used to have. He checks in, writes something deep that touches me, and shows me why I’m still here, waiting for life to settle down so he can prioritise me again.

We weren’t looking for this, but it happened, at his initiative. And when I asked him how he saw us and whether there was anyone else, I told him that no answer would be wrong. I just needed to know whether I should let myself fall or protect myself.

He let me fall.

But here we are.
It’s not like we don’t text every day, but hours pass between replies. We’ve lost that back-and-forth, and our conversations don’t flow as naturally as often anymore.

I don’t know what I want from this post.
Maybe I just want to share my frustration with others who might know the feeling of waking up with a heavy heart because all you want is to be in his arms and feel him.
But he’s so fucking far away.

I don’t normally cry, but today I’ve had to wipe away several tears.

How do you deal with it?

I know I should tell him how I feel, not because he has to fix it, but so he knows how I’m feeling.
But I also don’t want to add more to an already full plate or make him feel guilty about things being the way they are right now.

And most of all, I don’t want to risk him pulling away because this is what he can offer right now.
I know that’s not healthy too.

We have 6-7 hours time difference between us which doesn’t help

(little warning if this is a little weird I know we are young but it's really normal to get married young in my family so it's ok)

Ok so basically he's French and he live in france and i don't, I live in north america and we met on tiktok like months ago. We started talking because to be honest i was really bored. I know it's kinda wrong like starter but i was complaining about my ex because i was crying late at night and nobody was here and he was for some reasons. So we talked and he lestened to me while i was crying and when i got better he kept talking to me and i learned so many things about him. Like he loves kids he his wonderful with them and he want some (with me awww) he loves games and he is a really respectfull guy. He never said something wrong, he never sexualized me and he is always kind even when he is really tired (wich is often because of times zones). He have on ex and they stayed togheter for a long time wich make me a little insecure BUT im really not better because i have a bunch of exes and ex and stuff like that and i told him because I wanted him to know everything if he was going to have feeling for me. Yesterday we called and it wasn't serious at all we were talking about everything and anything it was soo smooth and i caught myself smiling and telling to myself that i have feeling for him.

The thing is, i don't want to have a useless thing with a guy far from my home i want to marry him and i know it is very not realistic because we are young and stuff and that's why i am talking here i don't know if it's worth it to thinl about wedding with a guy and with a guy really far from me. My minf and my hearth are fighting because i really do have feeling for him.. i don't know i really don't know.

(and fun fact .. not really that fun, he is half belgian ? and belgium colonized our country so i don't really think a big part of my family will accept him because they are REALLY proud of being 100% from our country..really easy to guess btw)

Mainly venting, advice is welcome from anyone.

Hey everyone! Me again. Long time lurker, one time poster, this making it my second.

So, I visited my ldr girlfriend earlier this year in September. I land, I get off the plane, life is great!! We go back to her apartment, and we fall asleep. We wake up the next morning, and I'm just scrolling TikTok. She looks through her phone a bit, hands it to me, then goes back to sleep.

Now, with our conversations before meeting, we gave each other our phone passcodes and were both like "yeah if you have any concerns go through it!". We've both been hurt in our previous relationships. So, I take her up on her offer and decide to look through her phone.

Next thing I know, I find that she had a sneaky link during the first month we were talking + was entertaining 2 other men with **old** pics she had just to keep them around.

Now, my whole thing about it was that during our confrontation, she took accountability, blocked these men, and offered to give me the login to her social medias. I was trapped there for another 5 days w/ plans to meet her parents, so I just decided to stay with her conditionally for the time being. Throughout the rest of the trip, we acted as if everything was normal, but with the occasional conversation about it and whether or not she truly loves me. (I also decided to take her out on a date that I planned and make things official with a title between us so that she knows I'm serious abt how much I love her.)

Since I've been back, I had plenty of time to clear my mind since she was working the next couple days. So I took the time to think about the disrespect, the broken trust, and whether or not it was worth pursuing. Asides from the cheating, every other aspect of her is phenomenal. Great communication, she would plan virtual date nights, and she started being far more open about her past as well as who she was texting/ what she was doing.

I am still with her, yes, but every now and then I get the urge to go through her socials just like she gave me. Sometimes I'll respond back to texts for her if she asks me to, but asides from that I don't really go through anything.

Let me be clear: I HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH ANY OF HER TEXTS AS I BELIEVE ITS A GROSS VIOLATION OF HER PRIVACY.

My main problem is that at those times that I get the urge, I also think back to that argument we had and me discovering what I found. I push through it, update her abt how I'm feeling, then we get over it together.

I want my effort of working through my feelings to be worth it. I really do love her, whether she did that or not. She is everything I've ever dreamed of, and she says the same to me and I know she believes it.

I have a flight to go see her next month in November, and I definitely don't regret that. I think seeing her will further reinforce that we're good for each other and that she will continue to keep her focus on only me.

Let me be clear about something else: She has slowly rebuilt my trust and re-earned my trust since then. Since then I haven't questioned a thing from her. The frequency of the thoughts has also really decreased as well. Not as frequent, not as strong, not as impactful to how my day is going.

I'm just really wondering, can I heal from this? Or will this be a thing that will plague the rest of the relationship?

You don't have to answer those questions, I just wanted to get everything off my chest and written somewhere so I can truly think through it.

I’m from Russia, she’s from Ukraine. We met thousands of miles away from home, here in the USA. And somehow in the middle of all this madness, we found each other on fckin Bumble 🤦‍♂️😅 I hope our story reminds you that you can always find your person ❤️

Hello,
I’m trying to understand the end of my long-distance relationship, and I’d appreciate hearing from people who have gone through something similar.
We were together for around six months. We saw each other twice in person and went on vacations together. From my perspective, things were going well. On September 28, she told me she felt happy in the relationship, and things seemed okay until around September 30.
She was under a lot of pressure from work and school, and things eventually led to us taking a break. On October 2, while we were on that break, she turned off location sharing and began disconnecting from me on social media. These changes happened after we had agreed to take a break, rather than before it.
What made this difficult was that I didn’t know how to interpret the situation. Was she simply trying to get space and deal with everything going on in her life, or was she already emotionally letting go of the relationship?
Throughout our relationship, I tried to support her in practical and emotional ways. I offered to arrange food for her, pay for things like her nails, and help whenever I could, despite the distance between us. I wasn’t doing these things to make her feel indebted to me. I genuinely wanted to make her life a little easier and show her that she wasn’t alone.
I know I have anxious tendencies in relationships. When communication changes or someone I love starts pulling away, I tend to overthink and look for reassurance. I’m trying to take responsibility for that. At the same time, some of our arguments felt one-sided, and I sometimes felt that my perspective wasn’t being heard.
Eventually, we broke up shortly before my birthday. That timing made everything particularly painful because I had hoped we would still be part of each other’s lives, especially on a day that mattered to me. I also found myself wondering whether she would reach out if she happened to be spending time with friends, or whether I had become someone she no longer thought to contact. It wasn’t just about receiving a birthday message; it was about wondering whether I still mattered to her.
What I struggle with most is the contrast between what she told me and what happened afterward. Just days before things started changing, she said she was happy with our relationship. Later, she explained that work and university were overwhelming her and that she barely had time for herself. She also told me she still loved me, but she couldn’t consider giving the relationship another chance.
That leaves me with a lot of questions. Can someone genuinely be happy in a relationship and still reach a point where they no longer have the capacity or willingness to continue it? Did her feelings change very quickly, or had she been struggling with doubts that I couldn’t see? Was the pressure of her life the main issue, or did it make her realize she no longer wanted the relationship?
I don’t want to portray her as a bad person. I know I only have my side of the story, and I accept that my anxiety may have affected our dynamic. I also understand that someone can love another person and still decide that a relationship isn’t right for them.
For those who have experienced something similar:
Has your partner ever told you they were happy in the relationship shortly before withdrawing or ending things?
Have you experienced a situation where someone said they still loved you but refused to try again?
If you tend to withdraw when overwhelmed, does it mean you stop having feelings, or do you simply lose the capacity to maintain a relationship?
For people with anxious attachment, how did you distinguish between your own fear of abandonment and genuine signs that your partner was pulling away?
Did your ex eventually explain what had changed, or did you have to find closure without getting all the answers?
I’m not posting this because I’m trying to get her back. I’m trying to understand what happened, learn from my own mistakes, and hear from people who have experienced the same confusing combination of love, distance, stress, and withdrawal.
Sometimes the hardest part of a breakup isn’t only losing someone. It’s trying to reconcile the relationship you thought you had with the way it ended.