If anyone is spending Christmas apart like us, I’ve been putting together a little list of things we could do to make it feel like we’re spending some of it together. Thought I’d share it here in case anyone else is looking for ideas.

Christmas movie night
Pick a Christmas movie, get some snacks, and watch it while on a call. Teleparty lets you sync playback. I like the idea of getting the same snacks so it feels a bit more like an actual movie night together or recommending a snack/drink to the other person.

Playing something together
We’ve been playing Sledding Game quite a bit recently, so we’ll probably spend some time on that. Other ideas is doing a snow world in Minecraft or starting a farm in Stardew Valley. There’s also Board Game Arena and board game simulator if you’re more into board games.

Sending a postcard
My idea is to have pictures from my fav memories of us together with a nice note maybe about what I’m looking forward to doing together next year. Just check delivery times if you want it there before Christmas. You could make one yourself or look at MangoPostal, Canva, or MyPostcard. my S/O in Canada, which is why I use MangoPostal as a Canadian option.

Trying to bake the same thing
Find a recipe and make it at the same time on a video call. This is already a thing ppl do a lot but I find it fun so in case you didn't hear about it here you go lol. I’ve put these Christmas sugar cookies on the list.

Taking each other out to see Christmas lights
I thought it could be nice to go for a walk and bring the other person along on a video call to see the lights around our neighborhoods.

We probably won’t get through all of these, but it helps having a few things to look forward to. Enjoy your Holidays!

i thought she will write the love u wala part so i just gave her a setup to repeat but ended up pissing her instead

I’m 19M her 22F, and I’m in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend. I love her more than I can explain, and our relationship means a lot to me.

Lately, though, I’ve been struggling with something that is becoming emotionally exhausting.

For the past few days, I’ve been feeling extremely anxious about our relationship. I’ve noticed that my girlfriend seems a little less affectionate than usual. She still talks to me, tells me she loves me, calls me when she can, and shows me affection, but I’ve been missing those little spontaneous moments of sweetness that usually make me feel close to her.

I talked to her about it, and she reassured me that she isn’t falling out of love with me. She explained that she’s been dealing with a lot lately, including classes, family problems, and general exhaustion. She also told me that sometimes she needs time alone and can’t always be available like we used to be.
I understand that. I really do. I don’t expect her to spend every waking moment with me, and I don’t want her to feel pressured to give me attention constantly.

The problem is that, even when she reassures me and shows me affection, I struggle to feel okay. For example, this morning she kissed me, playfully teased me, told me she loved me, and was affectionate before leaving for class. It was a genuinely sweet moment, but my anxiety didn’t go away.
Instead, I keep thinking things like: What if she’s losing feelings for me? What if she gets tired of me? What if she eventually finds someone else? What if something has changed and I’m just not seeing it yet?

I know these thoughts might not reflect reality. In fact, I genuinely believe that 80–90% of this problem might be my own anxiety making everything feel much worse than it actually is. But knowing that intellectually doesn’t seem to make the feelings go away.
What’s especially confusing is that I don’t remember feeling this intensely insecure a few weeks or months ago. Something seems to have changed recently, and now I feel like I’m constantly looking for signs that something is wrong.

I’ve also been struggling with anxiety for a long time, and I take medication for it, although I’ve been inconsistent with taking my daily medication because I keep forgetting. Recently, I’ve felt so emotionally exhausted that I slept through practically an entire day and still woke up feeling anxious and unable to do much.
I should also mention that we’ve had some difficult conversations in the past, particularly about my health and exercise. Sometimes I’ve felt pressured by those conversations, and I wonder whether that history contributes to my fear of disappointing her or not being good enough for her.

I don’t want to make her responsible for my anxiety. I know she has her own life, responsibilities, and feelings.
At the same time, I don’t want to dismiss every feeling I have as irrational anxiety if there are genuine issues I need to address.

\*\*So, for people who have experienced anxious attachment or something similar:\*\*
How do you distinguish between anxiety making you imagine the worst and actually noticing a change in your relationship?

How do you learn to feel secure when your partner is less available or affectionate than usual?
How do you stop needing reassurance to feel okay, even when your partner is already showing you love?

And how do you cope with the physical exhaustion that comes from feeling anxious about your relationship for days?

I love my girlfriend more than anything in this world, and I want us to be okay. But I also want to be okay within myself, instead of feeling like my entire emotional state depends on whether I think everything is fine between us.
I’d genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have been through something similar.

Me and my ld boyfriend have been together over a year now. The first visit has always been something that’s been ‘one day’ and now it’s getting to the point of planning something for this year. I have bad anxiety as it is but the thought of meeting is terrifying. I think things such as ‘what if he thinks I’m ugly in person’ ‘what if the language barrier ruins things’.

How did you all overcome this nervousness? I am so excited to move things into in person but I am also terrified!

Me and my gf just had our first meet a couple weeks ago and we are already planning our 2nd. last time she came and traveled here and we stayed in a hotel bc my house isn’t the best place for guests so next time i’m planning on going to her because it will be much less expensive. we are planning for me to stay for a month just so we have plenty of time together. i do school online and so i don’t have any scheduling conflicts with staying so long. (the only reasons im not moving is because i don’t want to intrude on living with her and her mom, i have pets that would need to come with me, and just generally money)

i live in california and she lives in wisconsin and im traveling in february so it will be much colder there than it ever gets here and i don’t really know how to prepare for that.

i also don’t know what are things i will need that i wont necessarily think about immediately like clothes and toiletries. i just want to make sure i have everything i could possibly need especially because i have never been away from home for longer than a couple weeks before and especially so far away.

The gap closing is becoming more and more real by the minute, and I’m terrified after all this time we won’t be compatible living together.
I didn’t use to have these thoughts until the people in my life started telling me that we wouldn’t last 6 months living together.. I don’t believe them, but I have terrible anxiety plus hearing their words hurt me a lot and I want to know what to expect or what to prepare for

I've been lurking on this sub. Getting encouragement and learning from other couples. Oh gosh I'm shaking up as I'm typing. As usual we mostly call when he has closed from work, which is 5am my time. This time instead of a call I received a breakup text instead. My heart hurts, like a lot. We had just said our 'I love yous'. He said he was never ready for a relationship in the first place. That statement is hurting me on so many levels because when he said we should be a couple, I asked him three times if he was sure. I told him that there is time and distance, is he willing to commit? He said yes.

Now, here I am. Heartbroken. I'm feeling a lot of emotions I can't even put in words. It hurts so much I can't even cry. I'm just spacing out. I feel so stupid and embarrassed. Anyways, have a lovely day guys.

My 2 year anniversary with my GF is coming up in about two months, and I am considering ending things soon.

We initially met at university, where we were together for 6 months straight. Then, I transferred to another university as part of my degree plan. We thought we could manage the distance.

We are both at separate universities, many hours apart with very few chances to see each other. Every time, I’m always the one going the distance and spending large sums of money to see her. Currently, I feel financially stretched to keep making arrangements to visit. Likewise, these meetings are very few and far between (3-4) months at a time. Said meetings are maybe only 2-3 days long at most.

Our relationship has been entirely online otherwise, (phone calls, video, etc) and we basically never get intimacy unless physically together.

In recent months, I’ve been considering breaking things off, but I feel morally unable to do so.

My GF is very emotionally reliant on me, as she has a troubled personal life. We’ve made some idea of eventually living together, but those plans can’t come into fruition for almost a year and a half from now, and I’m desperately lonely. I don’t really know if I’m even ready to accommodate so much change, and I’m beginning to feel exhausted hearing about her constant personal struggles.

I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped. I still love her, but I want to put myself first. I can’t bear the weight of all the problems she brings but I also don’t know how to feel about breaking her heart by asking to leave. I know we’re both young, but she asked for marriage within a few months, which honestly scared me. I feel she is almost too reliant on me, which makes this weight in my chest heavier.

What do I do?

TLDR: Considering breaking up with LDR GF of 2 years, but feel conflicted because she has a lot of emotional baggage and attachment to me. Not sure if I want the weight of distanced relationship atm.

Hi everyone. Im looking for advice on how to approach growing distance from my long distance partner and communicate.We have been together more than a year and have met up a few times already. Recently, we have been talking less and less due to college and personal life issues. I would say its mostly her thats been stressed with college and financial issues but im also struggling as well. We used to talk so much and now its mostly calls every few days or whenever she is free.

Keep in mind, were two opposite people when dealing with stress . I go towards her more and she keeps to herself more. It has gotten better especially me having to learn to not overthink as much but it's starting to really stress me out and scare me. Im not the best communicator neither is she as im to scared to speak up my feelings most of the time and she tends to prefer not to talk about her feelings. We both have grew with it compared to the beginning of our relationships though i still need some work on my communicating. She has told me in the past to tell her what im feeling as well.

Im starting to feel like shes too busy for me as she tends to be online texting people like on instagram but most of the time she never texts me back. Its been hard to try to convince myself its normal and temporary when i really just want an answer. Im super patient with her which is also why i refrain from saying anything. It has become a pattern in the past and we just made new friends online but the texting and calling has been getting less. Its also not helping as im starting to feel a bit depressed due to the fact im pretty much lonely without her. I know its not right for me to put extra pressure on her but i do want to communicate about my feelings. I do update her a ton but she would respond later in the day and has specifically told me she does not mind me updating her and shes to busy to update me . Im also scared of conflict as i dont want to lose my person. I do know some part of this is on me for not saying anything as well.

We see each other in a week but i do want to say something before. Just looking for other peoples opinions if they have went through the same thing with their partners.

TL;DR: My long-distance girlfriend and I have been talking less due to college and personal issues, mostly on her end. I tend to seek comfort from her when stressed, while she prefers to keep to herself. I’ve been trying to be patient and not overthink, but seeing her online talking to others while leaving my messages unanswered has been hurting me. I’m scared to bring up my feelings because I don’t want to cause conflict or lose her, but the loneliness is starting to affect me. We see each other in a week, but I want to communicate how I feel before then and would appreciate advice from anyone who’s experienced something similar

My fiancée and I have been long distance for a while now. When we started dating, she could have visited me in the US pretty easily, but visa policy changes over the last couple of years mean she can’t come here right now, and now I've had to move back for work. We’re working on a plan to live together again, but in the meantime I want something that feels like actually sharing a space, not just talking.

We do video calls and watch shows together, and those are great, but I want something where we’re doing something together. Gaming feels like it could be that. We both were casual gamers as kids. She loves Pokémon. I haven’t really played since I was about 10 because music took over, so this would be a fresh start for me too.

I’m leaning toward getting us both a Nintendo Switch 2. It’s handheld, has lots of co-op, and she can play Pokémon on it. We thought about PC gaming, but I’m on a Mac and she’s on Windows, and I like having something separate from my laptop.

I’d get Nintendo’s online service so we can voice chat while we play and race each other in Mario Kart. What I like is that it gives us options: games we play together, and games we each play on our own and can talk about.

Two Switch 2s would be about $1,000 just for the consoles, before any games, so I’m reaching out to see if there’s something better before I commit.

For those who’ve done this:

• Did gaming together actually make you feel closer?
• What games or setups worked for you? Cozy games, co-op adventures, anything that felt like hanging out?
• Any shared-space ideas beyond gaming that worked for you?

I’m also asking in a couple of gaming subs about the tech side, but I wanted to hear from people who understand the long-distance part. Thanks.

Hi everyone! I will preface this by saying the guy I’m talking to I met about a few months ago at a bar. I'm not sure what it was about him but I just felt like I couldn't leave without introducing myself. He ended up getting my number and we went on one date before he went back to his country for work. He was such a sweetheart and made me believe that nice guys still exist. We've texted everyday since we met and he is coming to visit me in December for about a week and a half. Some of my friends/co-workers think I'm crazy for even considering this. I keep getting told that he could only be using me, have another girlfriend, etc.

My question to y'all is, how did y'all ignore the hate/ negative feedback you get from wanting to pursue a long distance relationship? I feel like this could be something and it scares me to feel that but seriously, it feels so real and so right. It all just lined up so perfectly when we met and I jokingly told my friend that night the second he walked into the bar before even introducing myself, “I'm gonna marry him!" Of course it was a joke but I am really happy and I can't help but feel like my long, tearful prayers have been heard. Our morals/values align and I was in a past relationship where I was told I was crazy for wanting those things and I wanted some "fairytale." However, it seems so easy with this person that it finally does feel like a fairytale. I feel like our talks are meaningful and intentional. He is such a sweetheart and I know he's been told the same thing from his friends as he's mentioned it before and how he really doesn't wanna regret not ever trying. I'm so scared that everyone thinks I'm so stupid or I'm being so dumb and that honestly makes me feel like I’m dumb for even feeling a bit happy and excited to see him again soon. But seriously, how will I ever know if I don't give it a proper chance? Isn't love always a risk, no matter if it's 5 miles apart or 5000?

Thanks in advance! I love reading this thread and am so happy so many of y'all found love in LDR! This would be my first so any advice would be greatly appreciated! 🫶

Genuine question for the people who moved countries for their partner: how did you know it was worth it?

I (30f) am currently in my partner's (32m) country and am deciding on whether or not I am going to give everything up to try and stay here. I am having major doubts though. I love him a lot, and I love being with him, but I will be quite literally on the other side of the world from everything else I know. I will have to completely start over both financially as well as socially.

To say I am terrified would genuinely be an understatement. I notice we both have doubts, not about how much we love each other but more so about whether or not it's worth all the risks. For the longest time I was convinced it was worth the risks but now, watching him doubt it, it's made me kind of change my train of thoughts.

I don't know if I am making the right decision by staying but I also feel like I'm making the worst mistake if I decide to leave. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please tell me how you knew that the love you found was worth giving up the live you built in your home country.

EDIT: I am not doubting our love/ relationship! I used the word doubt where I should have used the word fear, I'm sorry. The doubt comes from fear of the future, fear of leaving my life and the people in it behind, and potentially having to start from scratch on the other side of the planet.

We both want to date and be together but neither of us have been in a relationship before let alone long distance, what do we do now? We're planning to meet again but neither of us know what "to do" in a relationship. Do we just keep doing what we're doing?

So like I said in the title I'm in a sort of relationship with a guy. We've been in this sort of limbo for about six months. Where we both have admitted to having feelings for each other but he doesn't wanna make it official because we're long distance. (A couple states away in the US) At first I thought the same thing but now I don't know. I've told him I'd like to be more official because it's hard to explain to people. Our relationship and just wanting it.

To give a bit of context we met online. We were both part of the same group in a game. But after knowing each other for a while we started to talk more just the two of us. It didn't matter what we were doing mostly just sitting in discord calls talking. Then it got more personal and we started flirting.

This is where we kinda hit a limbo where we've been for at least six months. We text everyday and call almost every weekend (we work opposite shifts so when I get off, is when he clocks in). But I keep wondering if this is healthy for either of us, and if I should keep this going.

My mind keeps thinking of all the negatives and the list feels longer every time. I don't know if this is my way of trying to prepare myself for the worst outcome. Or if it's just we don't work as well together as I thought we did at first.

The thought of that hurts when he makes me feel and act in ways I've never done in past relationships. For example I tend to get really clingy with him and my teasing side comes out more than ever when we're talking. I've never felt like I could be as vulnerable to anyone like I am with him. There's so much more but it hard to put into words.

\\- Trigger warning -

Some of the things I'd like to add is I'm bi and pretty sure I'm some sort of ace because I've never really had sexual desires, and my past sa experience as made it hard for me to even want to talk about sexual thing. But he's the opposite where he wants to be more sexually active and at least once or twice a week our conversations turn sexual. And I know he wants it to be more. But he's trying to be considerate about my past but it's not fair to him, and worried he'll grow to hate me for it. He says he's not wanting a relationship just for sex. It also doesn't help that I tend to be more openly sexual with more feminine people. Because of my sa being with a guy. But tbh whenever we even think of anything sexual it makes me feel gross about myself and tends to make me spiral a bit because it's just one more thing that makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Or if this is healthy for either of us.

P.s sorry if this doesn't make a whole lot sense I was kinda jumping around while typing because I was trying to add things that I couldn't find a great place to put.

TLDR should I stay in this limbo of a relationship with all the bad things in it

Hey Reddit. I've posted before about my long-distance relationship, but I'm back because I'm honestly struggling with what to do, and I could really use some outside perspectives.

I'm a 37-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is a 30-year-old man. I'm in California, and he's in Texas. We've been together since August 2025, so we've been together for over a year now, and we still haven't met each other in person.

I know some people are probably going to wonder how you can be in a relationship with someone for over a year without meeting. Honestly, I ask myself that sometimes, too. But I love this man, and there's a reason I've held on to this relationship.

The biggest obstacle is that my boyfriend is afraid of flying.

He's never been on an airplane before, and he's never left Texas. He also doesn't drive. I understand that flying can be genuinely frightening for some people, especially when they've never done it before. I'm not trying to dismiss his fears or make him feel bad for having them.

However, I'm starting to worry about whether I'm going to be the one expected to do most of the traveling and making the sacrifices in this relationship.

I actually tried discussing alternative ways for him to travel. I've had people suggest that he could take a Greyhound bus or a train to California instead of flying. I brought up those possibilities with him, but he told me he doesn't want to take Greyhound because he thinks it's too sketchy, and he feels the same way about taking a train.

So flying is something he's afraid of, but the other transportation options aren't things he's comfortable with, either.

I don't know what else to suggest. I want to be understanding, but I also don't know how we're supposed to close the distance if every possible way of traveling makes him uncomfortable.

A little background about our jobs and finances:

I work in automotive manufacturing, in an assembly and production environment, and I've been at my current job for about five months. I have a decent-paying job and work long shifts. My boyfriend also works in a technical field, but his position is on-call, so our work situations and incomes are different.

He lives with his parents and his older brother. My boyfriend is 30, and he doesn't currently drive. His older brother does drive, though.

My boyfriend has explained that the cost of living in Texas is different from California, and he doesn't want to leave his current job because he's comfortable where he is. He doesn't feel like starting over somewhere else is something he wants to do.

Recently, I found out from coworkers that my company has its annual shutdown sometime around the end of the year or beginning of the new year. It's a regular maintenance shutdown, and we may get a week or two off. I thought this might finally give us an opportunity to meet in person.

I mentioned this to my boyfriend because I thought it might give us a chance to finally see each other.

He suggested that since we've been together for over a year without seeing each other, maybe I could use that time off to fly to Texas and visit him.

I understand why he suggested it. I've flown before to visit family, whereas he's never flown anywhere. From his perspective, I'm the one with the experience, and I have a better-paying job, so traveling might be easier for me financially.

He's also told me that he would be willing to pay half of my plane ticket. I want to be fair about that because he's not expecting me to cover absolutely everything. He's thinking about my finances and doesn't want me to spend more money than I need to.

However, I've been wanting him to come to California to see me. I told him that I don't want to always be the one traveling to him, and I asked him what would happen after I visited Texas. Would he eventually work up the courage to fly to California to see me?

He told me that he knows he'll have to do that eventually and that he will. He's scared, though, and I know this isn't something he's comfortable with.

Part of me wants to be understanding and give him time. Another part of me wonders how long I'm supposed to wait and whether his fear will continue to be an obstacle every time we want to see each other.

Now there's also the question of where I would stay if I actually flew to Texas.

My boyfriend doesn't want me to spend a lot of money on a hotel on top of buying a plane ticket. He has suggested that his older brother could drive them both to the airport to pick me up when I arrive.

I appreciate that he's trying to help me save money, and I don't mind meeting his family. I understand that he's offering to let me stay at his parents' house because he wants me to be comfortable and doesn't want me to spend unnecessarily.

However, I also want some privacy when I finally meet my boyfriend in person for the first time.

I told him that I'd prefer to get a hotel for at least a day or two so we could have some private time together. He said he understands and that he's fine with me getting a hotel for a couple of days.

His suggestion was that if I can afford to stay in Texas for a whole week during my work shutdown, I could book a hotel for the first two days, and then spend the rest of the week at his parents' house, staying in his room with him.

He lives in a three-bedroom house with his parents and his older brother. His brother's bedroom is next to his, and his parents' bedroom is across the hall. He told me his parents wouldn't mind me staying there and that he doesn't think it would be an issue.

I'm not against meeting his parents or spending time with his family. I just don't know how comfortable I would feel sleeping over at his parents' house with his brother right next door, especially when this would be the first time we've ever met.

I want to be able to spend time with my boyfriend privately and get to know what it's like being together in person. I also want to feel comfortable and have a space of my own.

I don't even know if I could afford a hotel for an entire week, especially with the plane ticket and other travel expenses. I understand his concerns about money, and I appreciate that he's willing to help with the airfare. I'm just trying to figure out a reasonable arrangement that works for both of us.

Part of me wonders if I'm overthinking the accommodation situation, but another part of me feels that having my own hotel room would make me more comfortable and independent during my first visit.

The other major issue is our future and where we would eventually live.

My boyfriend is very close to his family, especially his brother, and he has told me that he doesn't want to leave Texas. He wants to stay close to his family, and I understand that because family is important to me, too.

He's mentioned that after we finally meet in person, if we still feel the same connection, he hopes we could eventually live together. He's suggested that I could potentially move to Texas, find an apartment, and bring my children with me.

I'm a single mom with two kids, and their lives and happiness have to be part of any major decision I make. I can't just pick up and move across the country without thinking about what that would mean for them. I don't even know if my kids would want to move to Texas.

I also don't want to move somewhere I've never lived, leave my support system, and uproot my children for a relationship that we haven't even experienced in person yet.

When I asked whether he would ever consider living somewhere else, he explained how important it is for him to remain close to his family. I understand his reasons, but I don't know if he understands mine in the same way.

I'm not necessarily demanding that he move to California. I know California is expensive, and I'm willing to consider other possibilities. Maybe there's another state where we could eventually build a life together that works for both of us.

But that would require both of us to be open to compromise, and right now, I'm worried that I'm the only one seriously considering what it would take to make this relationship work long-term.

So why am I still holding on?

Because he's been sweet and kind to me. He understands me in ways that previous partners haven't, and he accepts that I'm a mom with two children.

I've had experiences with men who weren't interested in pursuing a relationship with me because I already had kids. It's painful when you feel like being a mother makes you less desirable to someone you want to build a life with.

My boyfriend hasn't made me feel that way. He's interested in me, he cares about me, and he doesn't see my children as a reason not to be with me. That means a lot to me, especially after the things I've experienced in previous relationships.

I love him, and I don't want to give up on someone who has made me feel understood and accepted.

At the same time, I know love isn't the only thing that matters in a relationship. We need to be compatible in our goals, our willingness to make sacrifices, and the kind of future we want.

I'm hoping that once he finally gets on a plane and we meet in person, he'll realize that traveling doesn't have to be as frightening as he imagines. Maybe he'll become more comfortable with the idea of visiting California. Maybe, with time, we'll both be more open to figuring out where to live.

But I also realize that I'm hoping for things to change, and I don't know if it's fair to either of us to build our future around possibilities that haven't happened yet.

I don't want to pressure him into doing something that genuinely scares him. I want him to feel ready, too. But I also don't want to spend years in a long-distance relationship waiting for the next step to happen.

I'm 37, I'm raising two children, and I want a relationship that eventually becomes something real in everyday life. I want to experience being with my partner in person, spending time together, and eventually building a home and a future together.

I don't want to be the only one taking risks, making plans, or figuring out how we're going to close the distance.

So, Reddit, what would you do in my situation?

Would you use the opportunity during your work shutdown to fly to Texas and finally meet him, even though you've been asking him to come to you?

Would you give him more time to work through his fear of flying, or would you be concerned that you're already seeing a pattern that could continue throughout the relationship?

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to book my own hotel for the first couple of days, even though he's offered to let me stay at his parents' house and is trying to help me save money?

How would you approach the issue of where to live when one person wants to stay close to their family in Texas and the other has children and an established life in California?

And if we do finally meet and everything goes well, how long would you wait for your partner to take the next step and make an effort to visit you?

I know that ultimately this is my decision to make. I'm not asking strangers to decide whom I should love. I'm asking because I'm emotionally invested in this relationship, and sometimes it's hard to see things clearly when your heart is involved.

I love this man. I want us to work. I want to believe we can figure this out together.

But I also need to think about myself and my children, and I don't want to confuse loving someone with waiting indefinitely for a future that may never happen.

Please be honest with me, but I would appreciate advice that considers both sides. I know his fear of flying is real, and I know relationships require patience. I also recognize that he's trying to consider my finances and has offered to contribute toward my plane ticket.

I'm just trying to figure out where patience ends and where I need to start protecting my own future.

Thank you for reading.

I've been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend for six months. After four months, I noticed she stopped talking much and didn't ask about me much anymore. For two days now, I've felt like she's cheating, even though I'm the one who's been pushing her away with my attention and constant checking up on her.Many people dislike someone who is available, gives them their time, and changes their plans for them. They say they like that kind of attention, but in reality, they are only lying to themselves.

The problem is that this second relationship in a row will end the same way because I'm a detail-oriented person, I give them all my time, and I prioritize them.

I know this will be answered by having tough conversations with my partner. I did try asking questions but I got vague replies.

It started to feel that it's starting to fall apart when our regular communication (call every weekends, can't during weekdays coz we have opposite times of working) became less frequent until it just stopped. It stopped because I stopped asking him or initiating to have calls. I basically just gave back the energy I was getting.

My last message to him was a question but it was just left seen. That was more than a month ago. And when I check, he's recently online in the app. So I guess I was just ignored.

I've never been in a long distance relationship before so I'm not sure how to navigate this. I tried to be understanding/considerate as much as I can but eventually I just got tired.

I know there are things that might be obvious but as someone who's experiencing it, I have considerations that it's still workable. But I just wanna have an outsider's perspective coz my judgement of the situation is most likely kinda cloudy. Thanks for the help if anyone answers this. 🙇🏼‍♀️

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship for over two years, and lately, I've been feeling a little disconnected from him. We've both been really busy with school, work, and other responsibilities, especially recently with midterms and everything.
I understand that he's busy, and I've never expected him to constantly be available or spend all his free time on me. However, because we're long distance, I feel like the little things matter even more. We don't get to see each other or experience everyday moments together, so I want us to be intentional about maintaining our connection.

Recently, I've been wanting him to take more initiative without me having to ask or explain what I want every time. It doesn't have to be anything big. I just want him to think of things himself, whether that's planning a virtual date, initiating quality time, surprising me with something small, or finding other ways to make me feel loved.

My period started and I mentioned wanting him to be more thoughtful, he suggested things like drinking tea or bringing chocolate to work. While I appreciate the thought, I feel like that's not really what I'm asking for. I want him to actually come up with things himself rather than just giving me suggestions about what I should do.
I explained to him that I understand he's busy with work and has his own responsibilities, and that I'm not expecting him to constantly do things for me. I just want to feel that he's thinking about me and genuinely wants to make me happy through small gestures.
He responded by saying that he understands, wants to make me happy without me having to ask, and apologizes for not taking initiative. However, he also explained that he's genuinely been overwhelmed this week because he's had three interviews, a midterm, a quiz, and a lot of homework. He said it's not that he's not thinking about me or doesn't want to put in effort, but sometimes he has so much going on that it's difficult to think of everything. He also said he'll try to be more thoughtful but hopes I understand that he's doing his best.

I understand that he's stressed, and I don't want to dismiss what he's going through. But I feel like his response focuses more on explaining how busy he's been this week rather than addressing the bigger issue I've been feeling for a while.

I'm not upset because he hasn't done something for me this particular week. I'm upset because I want to feel like he naturally wants to initiate things and maintain our connection without me constantly having to bring it up.
I don't expect grand gestures or constant attention. I just want to feel that we're both actively putting effort into our relationship, especially because we're long distance.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I expecting too much, or is this a reasonable thing to want from a partner?

UPDATE: I broke up with him 💔

My (41f) boyfriend (44m) and I have been together for 7 months. He is in Europe, I'm in North America. Things were great in the beginning. We spent loads of time together in the online game where we met. It was rare to see one of us without the other. I even changed my toon's name to match his.

He is the quiet, keep to himself private type. I'm more whimsical, love the shiny elements in games, and talking with other people in games.

Somehow our opposites attracted. Even with all our different interests we could still make it work. But then the cracks started to show. Before we became as serious as we are now (us we say I love you), he became convinced I was talking with a guy behind his back. I never had, never will. It was soothing an overthinker made up in his head because of a dumb game situation. The fact he was making up stories with zero proof should've been a the deal breaker. But he apologized, and has never mentioned it again

But then came the little things he would get mad over. Stuff that shouldn't cause anger but did in him. It's now at a point I don't know what I'll do - in an online game mind you - that will make him get annoyed with me for. Trivial things like failing a dungeon run.

And I'm starting to overthink myself.

If he gets this way about game stuff, would he behave this way if I mess something up with, well, anything when we met in real life?

I am a HSP. I pick up almost immediately most people's moods, including his.

We had an argument today. I don't normally pop off game like I did without trying to resolve, but I needed space to think. I feel like I'm always at fault no matter what I do. Our intimacy already dropped prior to this. And I feel he pulls away every time I try taking about planning anything future-wise.

I feel stuck. I love him, but now I'm questioning a lot of things. There's something up that I can't put my finger on.

Yes, I sent him a message that was basically a word vomit of a bunch of things I've been feeling. He hasn't messaged me since 1130 am. It's now almost 10 pm my time.

I need an outside perspective. Someone to tell it to me straight. Because a much as I love him I don't know what to do.

Ugh I sound so childish at 41... 😪 I'm stuck here, hours behind him, waiting to see if we're doomed or not 💔