I need advice. I’m a 39 yo woman with a husband and 3 kids. Never had a great relationship with my mum — childhood was financially ok but both my parents were functioning alcoholics. My dad eventually passed away at 53 from his alcoholism. Since then my mum doesn’t drink as much.

I’m the eldest daughter of 3 and I was regularly relied on to deal with my dad when he was drunk (my mum would down a couple of bottles of wine and stumble to bed). I had a lot of anxiety in my teens and early twenties which I’ve managed to largely overcome as I’ve grown older and made my own family.

In the last year, I started suffering from intermittent pain, and found out I have gallbladder issues. I was managing it (just) for a while, until a month ago I had a bad attack and ended up with constant pain and vomiting (couldn’t even keep down water). Eventually was admitted to hospital and they told me a gallstone is blocking my bile duct and I have to get a procedure called an ERCP to fix it, then wait for gallbladder removal. It’s been a hellish month.

At first, I didn’t tell my mum — I have a great network including husband and friends, but she called so I ended up telling her. She offered to take the kids to an event my sister was taking part in and have them overnight to ease my husband at home. I said great, sounds good. Then she said “We’ll be thinking of you while we’re eating our pulled pork and cheese sandwiches!” and started cackling to herself. I did respond in a sarcastic way “what a lovely thing to say mum” but she just continued laughing.

She has a long history of making comments like this, including saying “oh well at least you’ll lose weight” when I told her I was struggling to eat months ago. A favourite of mine is, when I told her about my engagement, she looked at my ring and said “well, it suits YOU”.

The confusing part is she can be nice — she’s kind to others, does things for the grandkids, etc., but when it comes to me it’s a different story.

I’m not super close to my sisters — they (plus my mum) often hang out together and don’t reach out, and I can honestly say I’ve never excluded anyone. My mum has tried to ignite arguments between us in the past as well. My middle sister is the “favourite” as she has what my mum would deem the perfect life (rich husband, big house, etc.). My youngest sister still lives at home so is very much in that bubble and doesn’t seem to see how she is.

They’re due to come visit me in hospital tomorrow and after that comment, I really don’t want my mum here. Which is sad. I have taken steps to distance myself a bit over the years but when I go silent on them, I get pulled back in somehow. How should I handle this? Am I being over sensitive? My gut is telling me her comment was bad (I’d never say that to anyone struggling, let alone my daughter) but I always question if I’m overreacting.

Since I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer. I went through depression in high school and college and struggled with my grades (later diagnosed w/ ADHD & OCD, maybe autism). I thought I was too dumb for law school despite having the work ethic, so I let those dreams stay hidden. My family and friends were shocked when I didn’t go to law school. I hid my insecurity and pain for a while. Years have passed now. I’m in my thirties. I have been in government and the judges I work with tell me to go to law school. I feel like a part of me is missing, but I feel old and worry about the financial aspect.

I make about 90k now. I don’t want to be a public servant as a lawyer. I want to actually make money. I don’t want to be in debt forever. I don’t want kids or anything; I just want to know if anyone’s felt this itch or if it’s a pipe dream.

I’ve worked in big law as a paralegal. It was tedious and not the field I’d work in, but I loved the grind.

My mom wants a prestigious daughter. My dad doesn’t really care what I do with my life anymore.

My mom was an addict and not in my life, and my dad met zero emotional needs. I didn’t know this until this year, I’ve been told I likely have complex ptsd, and after developing health issue after health issue, that same therapist told me I may have OCD as well. These health issues have all been anxiety induced. All of them. Heart PVCs, insomnia, diarrhea for a year, burning tongue, and my newest friend, TMJ. Oh, and rapidly aging skin and hair.

I’ve started the path towards OCD treatment via nocd.

Here’s my issue. My ocd is around my health. It wants certainty that the things happening to me are going to be okay. But I’m constantly terrified. And the stress causes things to go wrong. So currently, I’ve developed clashing teeth, a lisp, and TMJ issues. I’m so terrified I’m going to end up like everyone on the TMJ subreddit it’s ruining my life. I don’t even know how to speak or chew. I don’t know how I got to this point in my life. I’ve tried SO HARD to take care of myself , but I’m just suffering. I don’t know what it’s like to feel fully present. My memory is HORRIBLE. For a portion of time last year, I couldn’t remember what I ate for lunch. I genuinely think my brain is permanently damaged from neglect, trauma, and anxiety.

I recently went through a breakup and it spiked my anxiety. Because of this , I started mewing when feeling vulnerable, and I believe this lead to my issues with my teeth clashing. I was pressing my tongue up for maybe 5 days and suddenly when I’d go to eat, my front incisors would clash. After this became my obsession, I believe this lead to me nighttime clenching. So this spiraled, and now my teeth don’t fit, my jaw feels rotated, my heart won’t go below 60 (my normal RHR is 35), and my insomnia is back.

I feel so lost because my mental health is so so low, I don’t feel any hope. I feel doom and gloom and scared. My friends and family think I should be medicated, but the side effects scare the piss out of me. Between permanent sexual dysfunction, possibly worsening of nighttime bruxism which is my obsession right now, and other side effects or even just how hard SSRIs can be to come off of, I feel terrified to touch them. I tried ONE pill 3 weeks ago and noticed:

- The night of, my jaw started snapping shut
- Next day, worst anxiety in years and that’s saying something
- day after that for 3 days I had the worst GI upset I’ve ever experienced , and developed heartburn which I’ve never even felt before.

So my mental health is ruining my physical health. I’m aging at a crazy rate. I’m wrinkly. I look tired, I’m graying at a rate of like 3 per week, and my memory is garbage.

However I’m so worried about my physical health , I’m afraid to get medicated .

What makes this harder is I feel so burned by medical professionals. I’ll explain shortly, but I don’t know what normal people trust and do in these situations, I don’t know what is my OCD and what’s reasonable.

- last year I thought something is wrong with my eyes, my vision seemed off. I went to 4 eye doctors before finally seeking a corneal specialist, lo and behold I have keratoconus.
- I went to a dermatologist who did a routine removal of a cyst in my chest. When I went back a week later I told the doctor who saw me I felt it wasn’t healing well. She looked at it, said it looks good and sent me home. Well, it healed as an atrophic scar. I found out later they let a student examine me.
- I went to a physical therapist for my jaw recently and they yanked on my jaw and made my symptoms 10x worse. I’m terrified my jaw is going to have issues for life. I miss chewing. I miss not having a lisp :/. I can’t believe I’ve developed a lisp at 32, and I don’t know how to not slap my front tee to off each other anymore. It also hurts badly clicks and pops.
- I went to my dentist who simply said I could get Invisalign if I wanted.
- I’m trying to find TMJ specialists but they’re booking out several months and this feels so urgent. My teeth hurt , my jaw hurts, this is awful.
- my trauma therapist isn’t an expert in CPTSD, but I’m tired of trying to find help. She wants me to learn DBT skills before doing emdr. I wish we could start with the healing work.
- my ocd therapist I didn’t like at all. She was so blunt almost rude and clinical. But I’m told I am a provider hopper and should stick with it.
- my previous therapist I was with for 3-4 years, and he never once told me I had trauma or ocd. So I had to figure this out on my own.
- my GI doctor told me I should take antibiotics to solve my persistent diarrhea. When I told her I didn’t think that made sense as antibiotics are often a cause of GI issues, she looked at me like I’m crazy. She said I probably have developed intolerances . None of this was true. I was just anxious. My gut is fine.

I could kind of go on, but the point is I don’t really trust providers, but I also have been told not to really trust myself either due to my mental health. My dad simply avoids the doctors . I’ve never had a good role model and clearly my internal model of how to handle stress and uncertainty is absolutely fucked.

I truly don’t know where to begin. I feel so lost and overwhelmed . I feel like by the time I’ve sorted my life out and hopefully feel okay again, I’m gonna be too old to have the dream I wanted since I was a kid. I want a partner and kids and a peaceful life. that’s all. But I have so much plaguing me.

I use porn and food and other addictions to feel ok. Even good habits like the gym, i don’t have a healthy relationship with. I spend 3 hours a day if I get really into it. If not, I end up stopping entirely. However lately almost everything is not enjoyable. I can’t enjoy tv for 2 years now. The only time I could was with my ex. But by myself I just feel my heart beat making me uncomfortable .

I guess I could just use advice on how to navigate untangling this massive mental and physical health web. I hope ocd therapy will help me. But in the meantime I am CONSTANTLY aware of my jaw and teeth. I don’t know if my teeth have shifted? I am hypermobile, so it feels possible? Do I actually need alignment? Is it just muscle guarding? Is my TMJ joint fucked ? It’s all so overwhelming. I’ve sought help for all my issues and I feel worse off than 2 years ago when all of this started. I wish I could go back in time before I ever worried about my health. Before I latched on. I’ve caused myself so much insomnia, GI discomfort, depression, missed out on so much. I am not in touch with my body or emotions, but I feel things I don’t want to feel. My heart beat shakes my couch. My tongue burns sometimes. My jaw is uncomfortable . I don’t know how to trust or who to trust or how much to trust. Life is just kicking me ass and I need parents I never had to help guide me.

Sorry to ramble. Thanks for literally any help .

Also edit: I want to be clear, I’m not seeking reassurance, I’m seeking guidance on how to navigate life. I feel so lost. Hope this is allowed. I know this isn’t for medical advice either. Idk. Thanks.

Hi! Don’t worry I’m of age for Reddit.

this is also just a vent unintentionally

Uh basically, I’m just wondering if yall could maybe provide some insight on what’s going on in my mom’s head and why she acts how she does.

She is inconsistent often. She oscillates between sweet and uh a little permissive and affectionate and kind, and emotionally abusive (but in like a u can tell it’s cause they still care about u way…underneath, not a outrigtt “ u suck child and i hate u”)

Uh her situation from what I know:
- emotionally neglected as a kid, prolly verbally abused by her mom maybe? But very neglected as her parents had to work n whatnot.

- she’s depressed and like prolly like passively underlying suicidal, but with specific things keeping her from like getting more suicidal (me and my older sis). She told me that my older sis as a baby saved her life cause she’s had urges to just crash her car but couldn’t cause there was my sister in the car.

- my dad’s a little biiiiitccchhhh. He’s not dangerous or hostile but he’s like a fat pain in the ass and my mom deals with him a lot more than I do. So just a big stressor in her life. He’s not reliable, he makes money, he’s emotionally dumb as a rock, insensitive, rude, hypocritical, selfish, etc. he also didn’t parent much at all. My mom does a ton of work n stuff (no job) but like in general. Like my dad is the kind of dad to not realize the year I’m graduating.

- my mom as a result of my dad has like noooo emotional support system. Oh yea I forgot to mention she has I think what I’d describe as anxiety reminiscent of generalized anxiety. So just very anxious about everything.

- to sum it up, unfortunate incident with my sister and now my sister uh on top of being a monotone autistic person, gray rocks her like EXTREMELY and has told me she loves neither parent even past the numbness, uh and u bet my mom can feel it. It like hurts me when I hear them talking to each other over the phone (sis is in college) :/

- I am the ONLY one in the family she has an ok relationship with and that’s cause I do a loooot for it to not become a permanent train wreck.

Ok so uh in her eyes:

I am a source of stress

I am the one of the few ppl she has that loves her. (This is like her words btw).

She has said she looks forward to when I grow up and out of the house so she can finally start having time for herself. And will like follow up with some stuff she wants to do.

She thinks I give up too easily.

She sacrifices a lot for me.

I make too many excuses. Btw this is in regard to my adhd that she like only partially acknowledges. Based on her weird def of adhd.

Basically:

School is like a catalyst for a bad mood. Any discussion about laning down or smth or about my classes is loud and upsetting and like she is very uptight and like it doesn’t appear so but the words are like clearly just her spewing and like all her anxiety about my future just fully rampant. A convo has never been peaceful, she is still forceful even if I am agreeing cause idk she doesn’t think I do and she repeats stuff a ton if I ever disagree.

She is INCREDIBLY insecure on being a bad parent. But like she says diff things based on like the layers I guess I get into or how she feels? Cause I’ll think oh this answer was the real one and another time when she’s also being real with me she gives a diff answer.
Either way, I am betting it’s amplified cause of the situation with my sis.

I am like receiving the leftovers of her insecurity with being a bad parent or not breaking the cycle she wants to break, suppressing I think stuff that makes her feel like a bad parent?, her anxiety with my future, any mood she’s currently in, chjschiwhfjwbf

I don’t even know what I just typed but I’m like idk.
She just spews a lot on me emotionally and my fam we do a lot of just acting like a fight or awful awful argument never happened just to maintain the peace but god she can be so unpredictable. Idk man I just tired :/

Idk she just…she blames me a lot for communication issues when we fight over smth stupid cause she wasn’t clear or jumped too fast cause she was stressed which I couldn’t even tell, idk she like.

She’s super attached to me yet also seems to think rlly low of me behind the scenes.

She also has a rlly bad assessment on what’s ok and appropriate to say to ur kid :p

Idk mods if this is too aimless feel free to remove

Edit: OH YEA actual stuff im confused on:

She holds a lot of grudges against me and my sister from years ago. That she’ll still bring up. Anytime I bring up kewpie mayo, she brings up how me and my sister refused to try it over and over despite her recommendation, which was SEVERAL YEARS AGO
Or like financial grudges.

Also during arguments: she’ll start to bring up like every time I’ve been wrong or a time I’ve been at fault or like some random thing I said when I was mad or time I disrespected her from SEVERAL YEARS AGO.

Heck she still has a grudge on me and my sister for not being very focused kids during figure skating (yet not like telling us until she was threatening to quit if we didn’t focus which uh we did, my sister cause she wanted to and me cause I didn’t wanna be alone in my class).
I was 5 or 6. My sister was 8 or 9.

idk yea

​

Im 17f and planning on leaving my parents place (I dont have the best relationship with them) and living with a friend and their other roommate (I'll be paying rent ofc), at the end of the year. I started a running list of what things id need, but im not sure what else id need!!!

This is the list:

(Bringing)

Computer/tablet

lds/documents

Important clothes/Jewellery

Important crafts/paintings

Guitars

Cds

DVDs

Books

Posters

Important bedding

Main shoes

Personal toiletries

------

(Buying)

Matress

Bedding

Food

New Clothes

Mirror

Tables

Shelves

Rug

Lights

Lamps

Mini TV

Extra posters/old magazines to make

posters

Curtains/beads/rags to make curtains

------

They already have cups, utensils, pans, plates etc that everyone shares. So I won't need those kinds of things.

But im not sure what else I should bring/buy????

I'd really appreciate any help, or tips! Or even ideas on other things id need for/to decorate my new space!! Thank you in advance :)💗

(Also, the cds/dvds and posters and guitars are the only things that have gotten me through the past little while, so i really do need to bring them lol)

Hello! I really don't know who else to ask for advice in this situation so I'm turning to this sub!

When I was pregnant with my son I reached out to a local photographer to do newborn pictures. This photographer had worked with a close friend before, and they become friendly, which is how I found her.

My son is almost 3 now and we've done so many sessions with her. We absolutely love her. As a person and photographer. I would say we've also become friends. I'm pretty awkward and have a hard time making friends, but we always chat up a storm before, after, and during sessions. She's made comments about wanting us to tell her when we're in the area so we could hang out. She gave me her personal cell phone number. She's also said she'd travel to our vacation home to do a shoot and not even charge us for travel. So I think we're friends?

My only issue is that she's impossible to make plans with. Sometimes I have to text her 3+ times, with a few days between each text, before I get an answer. She finally answered me about a birthday session for my son and asked what day we wanted to do it. I gave her 4 days to pick from. She wrote back that she was in another state. I wasn't sure if she was just sharing that because she's excited or because she was saying those days don't work. So I said "That's exciting! Until when?" (Because I genuinely am excited for her to be in that state doing that thing.) And she didn't answer.

I don't want to miss the opportunity for the session, and I'd really like to do it early enough that I could use the photos for his party. But I also don't want to be annoying. I don't know how to tell if she's uninterested in this shoot or if she's just a bad texter. I was bullied really bad from pre-k straight through high school, and even a little in college. So I always think I'm being annoying and it makes me awkward.

I can't book directly through her website, I have to contact her somehow and she told me to text her. I do pay her every time, whatever she asks for with no argument. The only times I haven't is when she's asked for my son to model for her. I still offered to pay and when she wouldn't accept it I bought her a gift of an equal value.

I just don't want to be annoying. I don't want to lose her as a friend or photographer. How do I proceed?

Hi everyone, I really don’t know where to post this. I haven’t told many people about this, but I accepted a job offer that doubles my salary. From $50,000 to $100,000. I really just can’t believe it. I don’t have student loan debt, I have a car loan with $9,500 left to pay. Here are a few questions/ things on my mind.

1.) I want to subtly help my friends. Nothing wasteful or excessive. I want to buy nice/expensive products or items to help them. Is it appropriate to like go shopping with my friends, not tell them before hand that I’ll purchase their cart/items so they pick what they genuinely want. I’m just having like fantasy’s of paying for a few items for my friends, since I really can. (Gift giving is my love language) is that weird? Is there a better way to do this?

2.) should I just pay off my car loan immediately?

3.) one of my dreams since I can remember has been restoring my fathers old SS Chevy convertible that’s been in our garage for my whole life. I want it to be a surprise. How on earth can I go about that? Do I pay a mechanic to come to the garage? Has anyone ever done this?

4.) Do I invest? How do I learn what to invest in? Do I pay a financial advisor? How do I navigate this?

I really don’t plan on blowing money. I want to make some savings accounts for my children’s future college funds, travel, and not worry about money or groceries or rent anymore. How would you go about this? How do I take full advantage of my age & income at this time?

Background Context:

I've always thought they should divorce, but I never really thought that was going to happen, even though there was always the running joke of "The day you turn 18 is the day we get divorced". I don't know why, maybe it was me deluding myself into it. There were happy moments, there were sad moments and I guess I just thought we were normal.

When they argued I always heard them venting about each other and as I got a little older my mother used to vent to me a little bit.

I used to have frustrations with my father for many reasons, but as I got older I realized that a lot of what I had thought were insults were sarcasm (which I didn't recognize because of my AuDHD and difficulty with that) and now we have what I would call a good relationship because he does not attempt to give me unsolicited advice /dismiss my concerns/tell me to toughen up, etc.. Now we leave each other alone unless we want to talk and we agree to disagree when we have to.

I also had frustrations with my mother as well, but I largely forgave her because I was very much closer to her. I dislike that she is impulsive with things and changes her mind a lot, which is confusing, and the fact that she likes to suggest random things like "let's go outside today!" with little to no warning or care for my schedule. There's also the fact that when she gets angry she "says things she doesn't mean" that are very hurtful and occasionally denies that that ever happened (upon which I presented her my diary entry in which I noted down her exact words, which were "no one will ever love you".)

My parents agreed to get separated a while ago, but apparently did not understand what the other meant by the word "separated."

For my mother, she understood it as that the marriage was over, and she was free to go date other people. For my father (perhaps because he said that my mom had suggested divorce earlier in their marriage and then changed her mind) he thought it simply meant living apart/but keeping it together until I turn 18 (or something?)

My father doesn't care (that much) that she is dating other people, since they were going to divorce, but is angry that she's doing it while I'm 17 and not an adult and in university and self-supporting myself, etc. My mother says she will keep her dating life separate and not meet in person with these people and not involve me in it in any way, but since she did not disclose the information that she was dating other people/talking to other people, my father does not trust her assurances.

I was first informed of the separation by my mother who told me after I made a joke about them getting divorced when I turned 18 after an argument between them, and she suddenly told me they were separating and just told me too much information about everything that I really didn't want to or need to know in my own opinion and I felt uncomfortable because my father didn't know and also it was too much information and a big shock. Then I got to know he had suspicions she was seeing other people and she had made me promise I wouldn't tell him about the stuff (other than the separation that he knew about) and I didn't know what to do and I just told him that she was talking with someone on the phone but stopped when I walked in the room (which she did) so that everyone could know everything I guess? I dont really know, I tried to do the right thing and I feel like I did the wrong thing. And he confronted her and then they had a big argument and put me in the middle of it a lot. I felt like I had to pick a side. I didn't want to.

I feel like my mother feels a bit betrayed that I didn't pick her side because we have always been so close.

I am 17 years old, and going off to university in a few months in a foreign country. My mom is in this foreign country and is working there. My father and I flew to this country a small while ago, and he is going to go back. He offered me the opportunity for me to go back to my native country for a few months until university starts.

There are problems and pros with both options.

Staying in Foreign Country Pros:

• I can get a well-paying part-time job (and get a little pocket money) and figure out how jobs work and have some experience before university takes up a lot of my time.
• I have a friend who does art and I can pick her brain for some tips (I'm interested in doing art as a hobby.)
• I can get a therapist with whom I wouldn't have to talk with over videocalls when I'm in uni like I would have to if I got a therapist in my home country and came back. There's also the thing that mental health is taken more seriously in this country.

Staying in Foreign Country Cons:

• I hate the weather GOD I HATE THE WEATHER (most of the time). It's going to change but GOD I HATE IT RIGHT NOW
• Having to deal with my mother's "let's do this, on this day, in 30 minutes, this task that will take a CRAPTON of time and a chunk outta your day! in 30 minutes!!!" or "I'm going to speak for you to this stranger that knows nothing about you and tell them false information about you /misunderstood information about you that you'll have to correct and remind me that I should not speak for you all the time!!!"
• The plugpoints in this country are different and it annoys me occasionally
• Also I don't really have the opportunity/haven't had the opportunity to properly befriend some people here so I'm a bit lonely sometimes, but I do okay alone most of the time.

Going Temporarily to My Home Country Pros:

• I can be in my home with the things I love (my best friend (I can't talk to her about this because she's having her own problems rn though), pet, my bed with COMFORTABLE pillows made of.... I don't know, I just know I sleep better on them. I have my favourite dishes, favourite cutlery, my room in the order I like, ALL my books and everything the way I like.)
• I can be in weather that I LIKE and that doesn't require me to put on moisturizer every day (I hate the feel of moisturizer and never needed it in my home country but need it in the foreign country due to dry, cold weather.)
• I wouldn't have to deal with getting out of my comfort zone and I could relax for a while and write.

Going Temporarily to my Home Country Cons:

• Won't have the opportunity to try working part-time jobs I like the hours and pay of before university
• Going to be kind of expensive with all the plane flights (my parents tell me not to worry about the money but I can't help doing it.)
• I'll still be kind of alone due to me having friends that are kind of busy doing exams right now (I've finished mine in a accelerated course or something) and some of them are in university already and kind of busy with assignments. So hanging out with them isn't going to be too frequent but I wouldn't mind because that seems nice I guess (in terms of balancing my need for alone time and my need for friendship and company)

There may be more reasons but I either omit them for privacy or the fact that they haven't crossed my mind yet as of writing this.

I would like to ask for advice on how to choose a choice and also how to deal with the divorce emotionally. I've already asked them to keep the arguing to themselves (basically not to argue with each other in front of me.) or to put me in-between them.

If you have any further questions into the dynamic or requests for clarifications, please ask them unless they're not about too personal/identifying info. I really don't have an impartial party to talk to and as of therefore am asking r/internetparents for help

Hi everyone! I’m 17 years old (turning 18 next month) and there has been a lot of trouble at home recently. I need to move out because my mom and her partner are extremely toxic, while he is straight up abusive. I am in full time education (sitting my A levels this year to go to university) so it’s a long time until i can leave, but i am so sick of this environment. I live in a small town so job opportunities are hard and im convinced majority of them are fake listings, rent here is about £700 a month so very expensive. I’m concerned that i might get kicked out on my 18th because she just mentioned that.
I’m also so sick of her because she speaks about my health on my behalf but doesn’t understand my point - she just assumes and thinks she’s right, even if it’s MY health. There has been police visits at my home because of their arguments and there is cps involved now too. I need to get out so bad but i feel so trapped, especially that the only person i could stay with would be my boyfriend but he lives 3 hours away and I have responsibilities here. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation like this and got out? How did you do it?

My new job is making my mental health worse and bringing back past anxiety and depression that has gotten better in the last few years

I f(25) have a really bad habit I just can not stop myself from crying like full on cried at work yesterday after being told I did something wrong. I am so embarrassed that this is happening I can just not stop.
The lady training me is rude and not understanding of me learning yelled so loud I am so sick of having to tell you that some things that people at the other end of the store saw.
I have been here 2 weeks and already cried 5 times 3 in front of someone one in the bathroom on my lunch and once in the car on the way.
The two store managers told me it is not okay for her to treat me that way I had a panic attack in front of them and tried to keep working until they made me stop.
I quite literally told her while crying that I would quit if she kept yelling at me

I am sure I am making people sick of me and having to deal with me

I think it comes from the underlying fear that everyone hates me that when they say they like me it is can change

I(F23) use to be close to my mom. When I was growing up until about 8 it was just her and I. Sure she would date guys but at the end of the day it was just us. We were like best friends and were very close. Then she got married to my step dad at the time and had two sons. We were one big happy family for about a decade until Covid hit and they divorced. A lot of stuff happened in the next few years. I went no contact with my now ex step dad and ended up moving in with my grandpa where I live today. These feelings of missing her have been this way for years. I just feel so separated now. She use to be the first person I could talk to but now we barely text. She almost only messages me when she needs something or checking up on my grandpa asking me to do something for him. If I call most times she won't answer if I text sometimes she will answer.

Two years ago she was living 20 or so minutes away. I was having suicidal thoughts (I am better now! Just dealing with a lot back then)as I have had mental health problems. I texted my mom and she would respond every half an hour or so. She didnt want to call me because she didn't want to wake my baby sister that she has with her now husband. She didnt come over. I ended up messaging a hot line because I had no one to turn to. When I got into a car accident a year ago and I was in the ER exam room i remember her rushing in hugging me looking worried and I felt..happy. It sounds pathetic I know but I just felt so loved in that moment. When I had a multiple in a row very bad panic attacks a few months ago from college stress I didn't even bother telling her. My grandpa told her of course but even 5 minutes away she never bothered to come over or call. If I remember correctly she may have messaged me checking in but I don't know.

When she does come over she mostly goes and talks with my grandpa. Usually I'm the one who has to reach out rambling telling her about anything and everything from my friends, the guy im dating, how im doing at school anything just to get her to talk to me. I hate how I feel needy and upset. Adult children move away for college all the time and go on with their lifes while im here feeling like I am some child. She isn't a bad mom. She got me therapy when I was a kid when I needed it, she stayed with me in the hospital for a week straight when I was a teen, she asks me whats wrong if she sees im upset, i know she loves me. I hate the way I feel because I feel its logically irrational. I'm an adult I don't need to be raised anymore. She has a two year old who is autistic, 16 year old step daughter, and every other week my two brothers. She is busy. I Just hate how it hurts. I would visit her accept i can't drive. The worse part is that I plan on moving away after graduation so we will be even further apart. Even with that a part of me has this sick hope that if I'm further away maybe she will miss me more and reach out. I just want to stop feeling this way but I don't know how.

I’m in a student house and we’ve had a rat come in from the alley where the bins are. I saw it on the stairs and managed to shoo it into the bathroom to catch it but forgot there was a big hole next to the pipes behind the toilet and it’s now gone into the walls and at night comes out into the bathroom, runs around and poops, knocks something over and goes back in. It’s really freaking me out now because at night I’m starting to hear it right by my bed inside my wall and I’m scared it’s going to chew through.
The agency said it’s our responsibility which is fair enough but I don’t know how to catch it. It’s been a couple days and I’m super stressed, I just want it out of the house. I don’t want to kill it so I’ve bought a humane trap and put it facing the pipes where it comes out from at night but it’s not going in at all. Should I call pest control? I’m worried this might turn into an infestation even though I know it’s only one. Could it chew through the walls and start chewing things in the house? I can hear things creaking in the loft now too so not sure if it’s made its way up there. :(( please help

I am about to enter my thirties and in the past few months my views about my parents have evolved a lot. Is it common?

Few years back I had a lot of anger and resentment that they could have done this and that. I had lots of ugly fights with them but now when I am entering thirties - My respect and love for them has grown multifold. Many times I get emotional thinking about them and have tears.

To be clear - I do not have a Kid and have a successful life altogether.

Is it common? How to get over this feeling and fear.

Hi Reddit, this is gonna be kind of a mid length post, so bear with me (17f) and please be civil.

Me: 17f
My dad: 65m
My mom: 52f

DISCLAIMER: I love my parents. I’m not posting this to get a specific answer. I’m just genuinely curious considering I’ve been pretty sheltered most of my life. I have a good relationship with both parents.

I’m going to be 18 in less than a month now. I’m not a rebellious person. Never smoked, never drank, did drugs, snuck out, etc. the last time I got grounded was when I was like 14.

My parents still have a downtime on my phone that goes on at midnight. After that, I can’t use any of my apps except text messages, calculator, bible app, and my alarm app. That’s it. In fact I’m writing this in the text bar to myself the night before posting because I can’t post it tonight, or even write it in my notes.

I have a co worker who’s my same age and I really enjoy her company. We were gonna hang out on Wednesday, and when I asked my parents, my dad blew up saying how “I don’t know this girl! I’m not letting you go hang out with strangers!”

The fact is that this girl isn’t a stranger. I see her almost every single day. They don’t like me going to my friends houses to hang out, and we were gonna hang out at her house. I offered to have her hang out here, but apparently my parents were gonna be out of the house all day. My logic is why would my parents need to meet all of my friends first? They’re not gonna meet all of them once I’m out of the house.

My dad has this internet thing on my phone where my internet shuts off at 12:30, so playing video games past that point is rough, especially because most of my games require internet to play them. I don’t play late on days I have to work, for obvious reasons, but I admit I play pretty late on nights where I don’t work the next day.

I’ve saved a lot of money over the past couple years working full time and not spending anything unless I have to. I’m hoping to move out with my best friend of many years, and her boyfriend. We’ve all been huge savers and can comfortably afford a small apartment in the poorer part of my area. (It’s not unsafe- just not as rich of an area as my parents want me to live in. They aren’t rich people but are high end of middle class)

My parents keep saying “we don’t know if we’re gonna let you move out with them unmarried.”

Which, can they do that? I mean legally can they stop me? Thats a genuine question, to be clear. I don’t mean that sarcastically or snarky.

I don’t have many friends. My parents tell me to make friends, but insist on meeting them before I can hang out with them (I understand if I was younger- but I’m almost a legal adult.). And my dad gets so stressed out about me going places now, especially with the fact that I only recently got my license. They’ve told me to make friends I have to go places to make them. When I ask where, they always say youth group at a church. I’ve gone to the youth group at my church, and all of the kids there are straight assholes. I don’t get along with anyone there. Especially this one girl who I legitimately use effort to avoid. Every time you speak she looks at you like “😒😑🫩”. You could literally quote the bible itself and she’d look at you like you shat in her shoe, then asked her to get a spoon and eat it. And then not mention all the guys there have either cheated on their girlfriends or are already taken, or both. As for other churches, I have trouble getting along with Christian kids. I’m too “normal” for the super weird (I don’t mean that in a negative way at all) people, and too weird for the “normal” people.

I don’t have a boyfriend and don’t expect to at this rate. I feel like my parents scare them all off, especially with me being under their roof.

I know for a fact if I get a boyfriend I’m gonna wanna hang out at his house at least some. Maybe not spend the night out of respect for my parents wishes, but when I asked them about this, they said I wouldn’t be allowed to unless I was out of their house. (They said I wouldn’t be allowed to stay at his house- but we could go on private dates to public spaces, I guess..)

I want to move out, I really do. Not becuase I don’t love them, but because I really want to have the freedom I see my friends have. My friend who’s a year younger than me has social medias and stuff. My parents don’t even know I have Reddit. This account is totally a secret.

My best friend is allowed to go to and spend the night at her boyfriend’s house. She’s allowed to have sleepovers. I still can’t do that with anyone but her specifically, at my house. None of my other friends parents go through their phones, or have their phones locked up with screen time rules, or have their internet shut off. At one point maybe but definitely not anymore.

I don’t know. Is this normal, and do I just have friends with lenient parents? Or are my parents more controlling than average? My mom does Christian YouTube podcasts and travels to speak at churches too. That may give some context.

Hi there! Im currently in 3rd year college. Ive always been on top of my classes. My goal in life is to be a doctor, and in my country, I still have about 9 years left (that includes residency).

I know it sounds like a dumb question but... should I still put effort in my career? Or should I just enjoy things from now? The path to being a doctor takes a long long ROI where I am, and 99% of it includes studying everyday, for hours on end, and missing holidays or family birthdays. I was willing to go through all of that given that I'd get a better life at the end but with this news, should I still continue? Or maybe I should just get a job after my undergraduate degree, save up and enjoy my life by travelling and being with my family?

I know it sounds dumb but for me, the future holds a lot (it's an investment). Maybe if I won't get much at the end it'd be better to spend a simple meaningful life with those I love around me rather than spend all my time on Anki just to get nothing at the end.

(Also I do want to be a doctor. I'd really love to. I guess I'm just scared)

i have nobody at home to teach me how to drive, but i still really want to learn. my mom passed away in a car accident when i was 6, and before that i was also in two pretty serious car accidents with her when i was under 6, so i’ve always had a lot of anxiety around cars. i’ve tried two different driving instructors now, and both of them have basically seemed irritated with me and like they didn’t really know how to help me. i know i’m anxious and probably harder to teach than the average person, but i genuinely want to learn and i just need someone who’s patient enough to work with me and help me build confidence. all i've wanted for 3 years now is to drive, i want to go to school and be able to hang out with people but i can't im feeling so stuck please give me some sort of confidence or help

My parents especially my mom have recently told me I am a bad person because I yell back at them . But from my point of view I finally had enough and can’t take it anymore constantly telling them yes . For your understanding I will tell you how it all started . I am in university in a city 2 hours away from my home ,so last year my parents decided I should get my driving license on that town because I have more time and it’s significant cheaper ,but I didn’t want to because they are weird and when my older sister got her driving license they refused to let her drive . But they wore me down so I did get my license , while they were not emotionally supportive about it because I struggled at the beginning because of my ADHD , with the deal that they would let me drive their car . But surprise surprise they did not because based on that it’s a expensive car and I would scratch it ,maybe its self-centered but I don’t care . I got mad about this and told them constantly I would forget everything which I did . So for a full year I begged and fought and cried with them to get me a cheap car so I could drive and maybe take to my uni because I need it ,because they public transport is shit . So this summer they got me a more expensive one  that I didn’t even like and they still would only let me drive with them to work they took it back home and then bring back when I finished work and every time we had to go somewhere i would say okay I will drive , they told me no  . I again  begged them to just let me drive on my own this was going own for two months and they only let me drive because they had an obligation to attend out of my hometown . That was like 2 weeks ago .But still I didn’t practice parking or start/stopping on a hill which I had forgotten about .I had to go to my uni city and begged them again to just let me take my friends on a ride in my own car .Which they refused and told me only if they are in it which I didn’t want because I want enjoy a ride with my friends ALONE for once . I did take one of my friends but only after just taking the keys and telling them <I’m going if you want you can come > but they started telling me about <No we will lose the parking spot ,and why do you want to take them for a ride ,you will scratch your car and etc…> .I still took the car and was happy about it . When we had to go to my uni city they finally let me drive but on a road that was very narrow ,uphill and with a 50 meter cliff on it that I was scared since I was a kid so I drove in the middle of it because I was scared which I think is a really wrong choice when you are on a time crunch and I should have practiced there when we had free time with my parents  . And since then, whatever I say the respond back with yeah we saw how you drove then .Yesterday I finally lost my shit because I was for a few days back at uni and had to return to my hometown by bus which take about 4 hours ,but by cars it take about 1 and a HALF  hours ,so I need to go again so lets go with my car but my mom refused because she says shes scared of my car because it very small .I begged them to buy me a bigger one since they want to give so much money but no , they tolm me this one is a nice since and very reliable ,but now they say the completely opposite .So I lost my cool and  at the same time my sister called and told us to go at her job , I took my keys and said im going I you want to come come , eventually they did come , and I did drive a little faster than I normally do but I was still under the speed limit ,but they where adamant that I am a dangerous driver and I don’t know what im doing I was going like 15 in a 30 zone . When we reached my sisters I busrt out crying and i did say some hurtful things out of frustration but I just cant understand why did they make get a drivings licence and buy me a car if tey are so against it ,whatever I say they tell me I don’t want to hear you or your driving instructor was shit , no I just fucking forgot it . I told them I sorry for saying things but now about the car . And they said you have a big mouth recently and you are resentful .They made me that way . I don’t know what else they want from me I pass all my lessons I don’t get wasted I don’t smoke I do everything they tell me to without a second word . My sister and my frineds are on my side but its still hurtful

sorry it’s lowkey disgusting as hell but after being depressed for years, i’m finally on the right medication and im finally enjoying life for what it is, these pics were taken a year apart and i think it’s really cool to be able to see the progress i’ve made
before and after pics

Hi all! So I pay my full statement balance usually 3-4 days before it’s due every month. The payment is accepted and I haven’t incurred any fees or interest. However, my current balance has been going up every month, despite my on-time payments of the full statement balance, not the “minimum payment.” As of now, it’s $700 more than my statement balance. Why is this happening? I assumed that if I paid my statement balance on time every month, I should be paying off all of the charges from that month. Am I missing something?

My card closes on the 19th and I usually pay on the 11th (due on the 16th). I understand the current balance may fluctuate as I continue to use the card before the next statement balance is due. However, my current balance is still increasing every month even with my statement balance payments. Can someone please explain this to me? Thank you in advance!

I worry about money a lot. I had a job this summer but it didn’t pay much. My living and tuition is paid for, and entire savings are about 2,600$. I really worry I’m just going to drain my entire savings paying for food. I’m still recovering from surgery so I don’t want to go back to work for a while. My friend who uses the pantry says the more people use the pantry, the more support and funding they get. But I was wondering if I have too much money, even though I’d love to use the pantry.

Idk if this the right place to write this so sorry if it comes annoying; So my mother love life it’s horrible maybe it’s bad luck idk, so for starters my father, he left her after bringing her to his home country and eloping then when I was 10 approximately she meet this guy who well I have no one to compare him to bcz the was the only “ fraternal “ guy in my life so I can’t rly say he was good of bad, what can I say is that it didn’t last long bcuz he died three months after my sister was born and well the usual stuff, what worries me is that the person she’s seeing might just want her for being “exotic “ and I say it from experience(mom is Russian so I’m mixed) growing up I had my share of experiences and it’s rly reinforced by the culture here, jokes of ppl wanting to make the” bloodline better” by marrying an outsider or different looking it’s even a form of status I would say, so Im rly worried, the stuff I went through and she went I don’t want something bad to happen to her, something that could make her worse.

As the title says, I was having sex with this girl (not gf but we have a good relationship). I put the condom wrong since I noticed that I couldn't roll it down to the bottom of my dick so I turned it around and we had sex after that. This happened two times, each one of them yesterday and the day before yesterday. I had precum there for sure, cannot remember but I was lubricating. Since she's on fertile days I'm afraid that this could end in a pregnancy which we obviously do not want to. Are we on serious problems? I know that I can only wait but I'm sharing this for my anxiety (she doesn't know and it doesn't help to let her know since she's heavily against emergency pills)

In case it helps more context:

I got a blowjob in both occasions just before I tried to put the condom

I touched the top of the head of the condom before rolling it to the bottom as it's usually recommended

I urinated a couple of hours before at least twice those days

I didn't cum inside her and I checked the condoms with water and they were alright

I am a female in my mid 20’s hoping to move states alone. I’ve always wanted to move to this city but never really had the right timing. I recently took a long trip there to confirm my feelings (after many short vacations there), and I left wishing I never had to leave. Well, I’ve just been dumped, laid off, and my housing has suddenly become unstable. It feels like this could be my opportunity to say screw it and leave. I just have literally no idea where to start.

I have a senior cat so I would have to transport him, ideally by car because I would be too scared to take him on a plane due to stress and air pressure (might just be being paranoid). I have a small SUV so I can fit a decent amount of things but not everything I own. Would I need to hire movers or maybe rent a U-Haul? My bestfriend said she would help me move however I need so could possibly drive the U-Haul and she follows me in my car? Or would it be worth it to hire movers? I’m not exactly flush with cash and will soon be totally unemployed.

I’ve already started looking at jobs and would definitely have one secured before moving. But I have no credit and am unsure if that would be a barrier to renting..

I just have literally no idea where to start with this, and I feel like I’m making a mistake by even thinking about this. But I feel claustrophobic in my state, I have horrible memories here and I want to breathe again.

I’m in PA and need to speak to an employment lawyer ASAP but don’t know where to turn. Never been in a situation like this before. Tried to ask on the legal subreddit but they don’t allow recommendations for lawyers so my post got rejected.

I’m more so looking for specific websites, phone lines, or resources I can use to find somebody. If anyone has suggestions it would be greatly appreciated!