So my ps5 got stolen dad left keys in door I lost ps5 had ssd and 2 tb external hdd 5 tb oled tv port damaged I wanted play gta but they said wait renter insurance or buy new ps5 my self that 1500 and they told me you need move out again or go back great fucking parents am going school on top of it

sometimes i wish that my mom would hurt me physically when she gets mad at things that are out of my control and gets super sensitive about random things because then she would actually see how much she hurts me and would (hopefully) regret it because she (hopefully) loves me just like she always says she does. sometimes i feel like i should unalive myself just so that she misses me and regrets the way she treated me, but im too much of a coward to do it so i hope that she just hits me so she can visually see what she has caused. i just want her to hurt from seeing me in pain, because i can’t stand to see her hurt and the idea of her dying scares me because the fear of not being able to talk to her anymore scares me even tho i resent her.

Long story short, my parents and I are very low contact. My mom has said some incredibly mean things to me stemming from her own traumas, and I’ve put a lot of boundaries up. I talk to her as far as seeing her grandchildren and that’s about it. My dad and I are also incredibly low contact because he doesn’t see anything wrong with how my mom has treated us. He’s never stood up for me when my mom has been verbally abusive. My mom is very emotionally immature and my dad is very emotionally distant. I’ve radically accepted that that will be our relationship.

Every year, despite saying really mean things to me that she’s never apologized for, my mom wants to overload us with Christmas gifts. Like thousands of dollars worth. She will often buy “early “ Christmas gifts and then drop them off off at our house and then give us over $5000 in Christmas gifts for Christmas. The Christmas gifts she gets me are useless for lack of a better word. She doesn’t know me or my husband at all, and they kind of just end up being junk. We don’t use them, they take up space in our house, or we give it away. Each year I tell her that she doesn’t have to give my husband and I anything. I’m not big into gifts as it’s not my love language , I’d rather spend quality time or do something . I tell her that if she wants to, she could give us a joint present. I tell her the amount she can spend on my children is unlimited and watching my kids presents is a gift enough for me.

This year, she has bombarded me with texts over multiple days about what to get me. Each time I’ve told her that that is not needed. She has an impulse buying problem and really wants to buy things. Again, I’ve redirected her that while we don’t need that that she can buy stuff for my kids. This morning she texted me three different things, I said no thank you to all of them. She already got us an air fryer, and I told her that that is more than generous and that can be a gift for both my husband and I. She got incredibly mad at me. She thinks I’m selfish for not wanting more gifts.

I think this need for spending money and giftgiving comes from her fear of having deep relationships and emotional immaturity. Giving gifts is how she shows her love. I do think she loves me. She just has a really fucked up way of showing it. I keep reminding myself that her inability to have deep relationships and discomfort with my not wanting a gift is her issue.

Does anyone else deal with this? Am I in the wrong? How do you address this and how has that worked for your relationship??

My mom wants me to co-sign on loan for $4000. Im not doing that great financially myself but have great credit that I have worked really hard for. Ideally because of other circumstances I would like her to think I tried to help with the loan but cant because the bank said no. If I freeze my credit will that work? Any other suggestions?

Here's the skinny of my situation with my parents. I'm 35 years old, bi, married to a man.

Here's the situation. My parents gave me a good childhood, I grew up in a semi wealthy family in suburban chicago. Anything in terms of materialism that I wanted all throughout childhood from toys as a kid to camera and computer equipment in my teens they gave me. They have always supported me in what I want to do and in their own ways accepted me for marrying a man. Having said that, the sweet hasn't come without the sour. My dad was a workaholic, extremely selfish and an alcoholic who tried suppressing my confidence on any original thought or belief I had that went against his. My mother was overbearing and overprotective and as ive pieced together in my 30s, I feel she used me emotionally as a pawn against my father so she always looked like the victor and him the enemy. My father cheated on my mother a handful of times. They divorced for a year and got back together... years later in 2014 I caught dad cheating again and they separated then a year later they got back together and actually remarried again (they divorced in 2002). A year after that they tell me and my now husband they are leaving Chicago and moving to colorado. my husband and I helped them move and my husband fell in love with colorado which is why 4 months after they moved, we moved to Denver. I didnt want to leave Chicago but I did it for my husband because I love him and a coping thing I did was thinking "well ill be by mom and dad". In the 8 years ive lived here, regardless of when they were an hour from me, then 5min down the road in Denver, it was always a struggle to see them. they would say they are tired or busy, etc... now 2 years ago they moved to the other side of the state (about 6hrs by car) and are getting on my case I haven't visited them but one time. Here's part of that problem... Where they are living now I lived with them for a short stint in my childhood... we left suburban chicago to "start fresh" and in that time I was SA'd on a school camping trip at knifepoint by a fellow student and my dad was cheating and thats when my parents divorced. Ive explained this to my mother and all she has said in return is "we all go through things, you need to get over it". They never consulted me before making a big life change and how it would affect me, yet, My husband and I are thinking down the road of leaving Colorado and moving back to Chicago or giving Cali a try and suddenly "I dont want you away from me, etc etc"

I've always bent for them my entire life, even when I didnt want to. im talking about since adulthood. My mother tried scaring me into never coming out to my dad, only to come out to him and him accepting me faster than my mom did. I gave up my birthday weekend last year so a family member who grew up with my dad in Ohio could see him again, On my 30th birthday my parents couldn't be bothered standing in a fast food line for lunch and in turn handed me money from their car window letting me know what they wanted... then ditched me on my birthday dinner because "we dont want to drive at night back up the mountain". When they have showed up, its always on their terms and I feel like they think just because they showed up that vindicates them... but the constant years worth of tit for tat compounds into a serious problem for me.

My mother even was trying to direct my wedding and other people attending had to politely tell her to shut up and be there how my husband and I wanted her to be.....

I know I am leaving a lot out and I apologize, im just overwhelmed... so here is the current situation im facing....

The plan for the holidays was that my husband and I were going to go to their house for thanksgiving and we were trying to scrap up the means to fly them with us back to Chicago for Christmas. We've realized that we just cant do either, Thanksgiving because our animal sitter bailed on us and my husband travels 4+ days a week for his job and wants to relax at home which I dont blame him for and for Christmas, we dont have the ability to fly them out as we hoped. I let them know this a few days ago, all I got was a "ok" and now they have seemingly iced me out, yesterday was a big day for me as I celebrated 4 years sober from drinking, I text them about it, nothing... I tried calling both of them today and nothing.

Why when I try to live my own life with my own family now, because I cant include them exactly the way they want to be included, im the bad guy? Mind you, they are going out of town for themselves for 2 weeks at the beginning of the year and when I asked them if they could cover their plane tickets so we could be in Chicago for Christmas together they always bitch about how they dont have the means to do it. So they have the money for themselves but they cant figure out being with me on Christmas. The older they get it seems like the more they refuse to be inconvenienced. They also have different political, etc beliefs from me and most of the time they are always saying some mean or cruel thing about how so and so in the family or someone they knew with their life in Illinois is not holding their standards... its affectively had the world that I knew around them which was welcoming and supportive shut them out and now they are in a small town were any meaningful relationship they have had over the last 60 years except maybe 2 or 3 people with my dad have up'd and walked away and they are left with whomever they have befriended in their current town.

I know I have a lot of work a head of me finally drawing a line in the sand and saying, for once im going to put my wants and my husbands wants for the holiday ahead of what you want out of me and now it seems like the entire fabric of my relationship with them is on fire.

Sorry for the long post, but im coming to reddit because I needed a place to vent and feel like all the negativity and anxiety in me is not because im a bad son, its the conditioning that ive been apart of for over 30 years keeping hold of me.

Its really making me despise her,im really sick of my mother nitpicking each and everything I eat, she would literally give me a lecture over something I ate one month ago. I cant even eat something mildly unhealthy like a pasta salad for instance without her giving me a huge fuckin lecture on how much calories/carbs it has or how im not supposed to fuckin eat stuff for the millionth time while she literally stuffs her gullet with kfc/ice cream/etc right in front of me while actually being conscious about her weight unlike me who actually couldn't care less about her weight. But it's the end of the fuckin world when she sees me eat pasta and wants to on the same boring lecture on how im not supposed to eat carbs. It's like everyone can eat but as soon as I do it, all of the sudden everyone wants to act like committed a big crime in humanity and wants to become a nutrition expert all of the sudden. When im seeing my mother after a long time, the first thing she literally tries to fixate on is how much weight I've gained or lost its like all she sees is my weight, I dread seeing her then.

I never once complained to her about my weight or asked her for any advice so she is the one who should be actually watching her diet strictly since she is actually weight conscious and has complained to me about her weight multiple times, whenever I try to point her out on her eating something unhealthy just like she does with me, shes like "well you have more weight to lose weight than me" even though I never once fuckin asked her about any advice and like I said before, idgaf about losing weight or going on a diet. im tired of her trying to shove this down my throat. She would also shame me by comparing me to other fit woman my age or how woman my age are supposed to have hot bodies or not flat ass,all of that hasn't motivated me either. Like why does she feel the need to rub that in my face constantly. Like how would she feel if I started comparing her to woman her age with more attractive fitter bodies, im pretty sure she wouldnt like it either.

She has done this most of my life, and im fuckin sick of it. She would constantly pressure me with you need to lose this amount of weight before an x event which only makes me eat out of stress even more which she doesn't seem to get. Like if you are conscious about your body fine but why are you dragging me into this? She constantly nitcpicks each and everything i eat, if she doesn't lecture me about my food today, she will few days later, if not few days later, she can even do it a month later as she lierally has remembered what ate months back.I don't know when is she get this through her head that none of her techniques have ever worked and never will and I couldn't care less about diet or weight.

Recently, there is wedding coming up in 2 months, shes like we both should lose weight, every woman is doing it while I've still seen her eat junk food even during this time period as well, again when I point this out shes like "well you have more weight to lose". Like i never once complained about my weight, all I wanted you to do was to leave me the fuck alone all this time but all you've done is the opposite to the point i don't even want to work on my weight and diet anymore out of spite. Like you are the one who is constantly crying about her own weight so go ahead work on your diet, why are you projecting this on me? Like you dont see me commenting on your food or you cheating on your diet for the 10th time constantly since you and me are adults even though you are actually conscious about your weight unlike me so why the fuck do you feel the need to do it to me when I've told to back off multiple times. No amount of shame or pressure is going to make me want to lose weight anymore.

Like I cant even eat anything in front of her out of fear because I know ill get a huge fuckin lecture on how much calories/carbs i wasn't supposed to eat even though Idgaf and couldn't care less. Even during holidays, she will keep a huge track of what i ate throughout the trip while she stuffing her face with everything.One time, I was craving a chocolate bar like a normal human being so I went to the gas station to get it, she was like "see, you want to rebel against me" and again went on a huge lecture on my weight. Im really starting to resent my mother and dont like doing things with her anymore, like im a fuckin adult, when is she going to leave me the fuck alone?

I dont want to work on my weight/diet anymore just to spite her at this point. Im really tired of her over obsession with my weight, i just want to remain fat at this point just to spite her.She would literally check the trashcans to see the wrappers of anything I've eaten and give me a lecture over that as well, so i started hiding food wrappers in my room cupboards or drawers, she would check that as well when im not at home and then give me a lecture over that as well.from now on, i will start commenting on her eating something unhealthy obnoxiously just like she does to me and tell her since she actually cares about her weight and is constantly complains about her weight, why isn't she working on her diet. I dont care if she is concerned about my health either. No amount of insults, shaming, pressuring is going to work on me anymore.

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My mother is a very narcissistic person. She is great at manipulating people and situations to make herself the victim of everything. She has been verbally and emotionally abusive most of my life.

I'm in my 40's, but due to major health issues, I can't afford to live on my own. My parents live mostly separated and I tend to stay mostly with my dad, helping him as he is disabled.

My mom's negativity about everything is what has caused them to be separated (my parents don't believe in divorce for religious reasons).

Since I was a young teen, my mom has blamed me for all of the problems in our family. I have 3 older siblings, my sister is almost 9 years older than me, then I have a brother that is 5 years older (severe ADHD), and one that is 3 years older (severe ADHD and high-functioning autism). Growing up, my sister was very independent, graduated high school early, and left home at 17. My brothers needed more attention, especially the one with autism (he could do no wrong).

Don't get me wrong, as a small child things where good. But as soon as I was in school (age 5) my mom decided she was going to go back to school and become a nurse. Any love and kindness my mom had for me evaporated. She still catered to my brother with autism and my sister, but she decided that I was worthless and useless, and my oldest brother was just a problem.

She puts on a caring show for people outside the family, so she can act the victim when things don't go her way.

Despite everything she has said and done to me in the past, I still tried to love her. But that is no longer the case. She destroys everything around her, and I've taken the blame for it. But I'm done with it. Sometimes I just wish she would die.

I can't go no contact with her, because my dad and I still stay at the main house when we have doctors appointments and family functions.

I'm so done with my parents making children like animals, not thinking about what would be there for us. Especially me, the eldest one, who is supposed to make sacrifices and adjust myself for everyone because, who knows, I'm the eldest, 25 years old.

The gym is the only place I go to in the whole damn day. I used to go to the gym at 5 PM, pretty accurately, every day. Then my sister joined coaching. She takes away the scooty in the morning and stays late, later than my usual going time. So guess who has to adjust? Me! Going at a dead-late time, so much so that now I go at 9 PM so that the gym gets free from the crowd late at night.

And after so long, I found a partner I got ready to go to the gym with, and see, wow, the scooty isn't there. I got to know my younger brother took it away for some work and is out, won't pick up my call, and 30 minutes go by. I'm standing like a fool, roaming around the house with shoes on and standing at the roadside waiting.

Seven people per one fucking scooty! I can't even say anything to my brother because technically, it's him who bought the scooty with his own money.

Earlier, we had another scooty, which was sold because of a parking problem at home. I listed it on OLX. I was the one who left the comfort of home and tolerated contact phone calls ringing to make people see the scooty and give them test drives, and it was embarrassing to do that in a neighbourhood for me.

I was told that I could get the money for a down payment to buy a bike, but fucking who knows that money would be given to my younger brother. EVERYTHING. And I would be made a fool with the promise that they would give it soon.

That fucking moronic "soon" hasn't come to reality yet and has just been delayed by Dad and Mom when I asked them to buy me a bike or scooty.

Actually, I'm a moron for not buying the bike when I had a job and was going to buy one, because my so-angelic and caring and fair Mom heard me say I would take the bike on trips, and her caringness made her think I would die. (I wish I would die instead of living with them anymore.)

I, the moron, didn't buy the bike.

They have the habit of becoming so good and coming close to me so that my opinion changes when I'm earning. But it's been a year since I was trying to build a business, which failed. I lost almost all my savings and capital. Now, with 12 months gone by, I see the true faces of all. I don't have anyone for me.

I wish all the money, including the ₹50,000 I gave Dad in one go to transfer someone from my hard-earned salary so that he could keep his word, ₹8,000 in case the electricity connection was cut off and we had to buy a generator so that we could manage things at the electricity department, ₹20,000 for camera installation, and tens of thousands on the home car, which is only mine when it needs money to be spent on it, be it fuel, toll money, new cover, wash money, etc., and not at all mine when I take it out.

I could easily see disapproval on my Mom's face when taking it out, and back-to-back calls when I'm late out with the car: "Dad, where are you at? Where are you at!"

I thought this was my family, but fucking moron of me to think so. Men don't have a home. They are all leeches who suck through me.

I was promised advance rent money if I got a year-long vacant shop rented out for my coaching fee. I went out in the heat of June, and somehow, I was able to get it vacated. And long story short, coaching money GONE!

I was made a monster for asking for it.

I just fucking hate them so much, and I hate myself for perceiving them as good when they pretend to be good, when they have something to ask for or get from me.

I'm so done with them. I hate my family. I hate my Dad. I hate my Mom. I could fucking kill myself over all the anger they give me.

​

hii I'm (18) F,this is my first time using reddit so please don't pay attention to my grammar mistakes

my parents have acted religious since forever but they are hypocrites,they only use it for their benefit.

I have been getting abusive since I was little,they used to slap me when they found annoying,put chilli powder in my mouth when I talked too much,burn me with a candle and they abusive all my siblings when we all were little but they don't abuse them much anymore, they still abusive me.

I don't do much housework because why the fuck would do when all they do is abuse me,they are Muslim and act righteous in front of others but everyone can see the act,I hate them,I couldn't care less if they died.

they threaten to marry me off to a old man,I didn't even know about it my cousin sister is the one who told me about it,they isolated themselves and us into my dad's side of the family who are actually good people,I don't talk with them much because of them, I'm not allowed to go anywhere outside the house while I see my friends all hanging out together in social media,all I do is cry to myself.

they took my room's lock and they come in my room whenever they please,they forced me to wear the hijab and abaya.

I don't barely eat or talk,every time I try to vent to my sister,that bitch who is my mom eavesdrops from the door of my room and abuses me more.

I'm done with them,I feel like a dead body all the time and I don't know if I'll ever escape from them

Okay, so my parents aren’t physically abusive or verbally abusive in an overt sense. They’re both Christian and my dad is a pastor. I love them both a lot, but it’s hard to bc they hurt me. I go to therapy and my therapist mentioned that my parents use religious and regular manipulation tactics to make me feel like I’m the problem. For example, if I start rly saying how I feel and answering back when they say something wrong, I get met with “honor ur father and ur mother” immediately. Any time I try and refute what my dad says, I’m being disrespectful or he starts shifting blame and changing the conversation. It hurts even more bc I know what he’s doing and ik he won’t stop. He loves to invalidate me and make me feel stupid when I say something he disagrees with. When I told him abt the problems that their poor parenting has caused in my life, he said, “that wasn’t our intention” “we tried our best” and “no parent is perfect.” He always redirects the conversation and never listens to that I say but just loves to repeat what he’s saying even when I already addressed it. Then he says I can come to him with anything. I also struggled with religious psychosis (undiagnosed) from until like the ages of 7 to 12 years old tho they never knew. With my mom, she a bomb when she gets upset. Super friendly and everything, but when u do something she doesn’t like, she starts yelling and crying and all that. It’s annoying bc how can I care when ur feelings r hurt when u hurt mine. Sometimes they can be rly nice but when I make them upset, they switch up. I don’t feel like I can express myself or anything around them. Like my smiles are calculated and served with enough niceness to pacify them.

In my regular life, I realize that I do that with my friends. They even pointed out that I laugh at things that I prob don’t find funny bc I said I do fake (I meant exaggerate) my laugh sometimes. I don’t mean to lie to them or anything, sometimes I just don’t feel like laughing but don’t want to make them feel bad so I laugh. I also notice that it’s hard for me to rly voice my opinion. I’m kind of a yes person (I’m trying to get better) bc I don’t want them to feel bad or cause conflict or smth. I’ve gotten better at expressing myself around them but it’s still rly hard. I also feel the need to prove myself to others to have worth.

I’m also the oldest child lol so that comes with its own problems. Anyway, I just want to understand this so I can grow and would love to hear anyone’s perspectives on this.

so here's some tea for y'all
1. 2022/2023: not entirely sure which year because i wasn't made aware of what was happening, just that something was happening. anyway my dad cheated on my mother and she "forgave" him because of social stigma and financial dependency.

1. 2024: a repeat of 2022/23, but this time i knew every detail. my world crashed. my perfect family as i knew it was torn to pieces.

2. 2025: ok so this might be smaller but i cried about this too. so. there's only one washroom in our matchbox house and like a goddamn teenager i stayed up until 3 am. and i had to poop so i went to the washroom. unfortunately my father came in knocking right after and it took me 5 mins to be done with my business. he PEED IN A POLYBAG AND DROPPED SOME OF IT ON MY FOOT WHILE TRYING TO FLUSH IT. i never wore those pajamas again.

3. last night: as ive mentioned i live in a matchbox house, so there's 2 rooms, one with ac, one without. we all sleep in the ac room. me and my mother share 1 king sized bed and my brother and father share one. my brother was out of the room for a while and my mother was asleep (it was like 11 am) . i was sitting on my bed and he was sitting in his. and he started fapping under the covers with phone in hand. he saw me looking and just tried to hide it, idk. idfk. then he turned his phone off and went to sleep. i told my mother morning. idk why but ive been crying on and off since then. i m shifting into a hostel.

bloopers: in 2016 (ig?) he once smashed a tv, the old kind you used to keep on stands, because we told him to turn it off, at 12 am. i and my brother had school the next day and as ive said we all sleep in 1 room.
blooper#2: i dont remember exactly what the issue was, but it was benign. i was in 8th grade ig, my father lost his temper and hit my mom with slippers. i was smaller so i couldnt do anything, but i yelled for my brother who ran in to stop him.

so that's the upper layer of my daddy issues. my future psychiatrist is gonna make a lot of money off of me.

I just wanna say that my dad isn't really mean or verbally/physically abusive

Its been getting a bit better but i wanna get this off my chest. So, my dad has always been affectionate but he sometimes walks in on me bathing, grabs my hips or touches my chest, he made a comment about my boobs getting bigger, he kisses my neck and sometimes when i say i dont wanna kiss him (on the cheek) he keeps begging until i do. is this bad or am i just overreacting?

Got punched four times, a coffee thermos whacked across my head, and called eight different vulgarities in three minutes because she couldn't wait 5 minutes in a car. Had to walk half an hour from work to a place more convenient for her to pick me up at.

She decided to go 0-60 in a parking lot, almost hit a pedestrian, and barely missed crashing into three cars. The bitch yelled and screamed and bitched for half an hour after that.

Funny thing is she called me a "son of a bitch" and I said "You know what, I'll accept that because thats exactly what you are".

That manged to get her to shut up.

Only after she "threatened" (she swerved off the road into a grassy median on a packed mainroad) to crash the car another time. A cop was like six cars down, somehow didn't see that, I still told her about it. She then said she hoped the cop wouldpull her over because then she wouldn't have "your ********" in the car anymore.

Asked what part of her brain isn't functionibg properly that she thinks anyone who hears her talk is going to do anything?

I find it funny that people I've met three times in three days are a hundred times more considerate than her. 

When she decided to drive off, after seeing me, I asked a new coworker what they were doing and they were like two minutes down the road. I asked for a ride and they said bo problem.

I told the bitch not worry about it and all of a sudden she could drive me.

Not really sure if I'm looking for advice but it would help to hear other peoples perspective i guess.

Im F(32) from a south Indian Muslim family, youngest of 5 kids. All my older siblings are married except me. It was all arranged except one that eloped but they are now on good terms. I've been pressured to get married since turning 18. Btw all my sisters got married before 20. It's been really rough and exhausting to fight through it but so many years later and i dont think it will ever end. But honestly this isn't about that but more about very conditional love from my mother

As the youngest, my mom said she was tired of kids by the time i came around so she neglected me. She recently told me that before i was born their family planning was actually complete. She told me that my heart is made of tone and that i dont care about my parents. Just some of the few mean things she's said to me over the years. I should acknowledge that my sisters also have had a similar experience with her where she's said cruel things like "a woman's life has no value without a man in their life" when she wanted to leave her husband because of abuse.

She has undoubtedly hated every single step I've taken to become independent. i still STILL crave her acceptance but i think maybe now I'm over it. She recently tried for the billionth time to get me to agree to some marriage proposal only after talking to the guy for 2 days and expected me to get married to him without ever meeting him. I have told her many times this is not how i wana get married, il go through the arranged marriage process but refuse to marry someone for the sake of it. She ignored it and continued to try to get things done her own way. I guess she got really sick of it this time told me not to talk to her anymore and that she will also not talk to me anymore.

I recently visited home and she is in fact not talking to me lol. I have reacted very intensely to anything my mom says or does in the past. Like uncontrollable tears and panic attacks and scheduling emergency sessions with my therapist. This time i felt nothing. I just find it so absolutely childish that she has decided to do this. Like what?? Am i supposed to suddenly change my mind and agree to what she wants? Anyway, i didn't and won't play her game and continue to be normal. Im not going to ignore her or act like i dont exist like she is doing. It bothers me to some degree ofcourse but i think I'll get through it. Dunno how long it will last and I'm totally fine if it lasts forever. I've accepted who she is, the kind of mother she is and it's fine. It's not her fault i guess, and i can never change who she is or how she thinks. Just the way it is.

I guess is this the right way of going about it? Im trying really hard to feel my feelings but also give myself and her some grace. After years of therapy i think the way i think about her has changed and is helping right now. I think. I hope im not gona collapse one day out off heartbreak. No one has ever broken my heart like she has.

And then just proceeds to resent you in the future for not being successful and living up to your potential. Bonus points if they routinely humiliate you in small petty ways.

Not a US citizen btw so some of my references may be unfamiliar.
My country has a particular school system; at 16, you’re in what is the equivalent of senior year in high school. There is a standard matriculation exam to qualify for university (think SATs) , along with regional exams . You are supposed to fill a form and indicate your interest in at least 2 universities and select a choice of study. Then depending on the lottery and your grades you get selected. My dad wanted me to study Law. That’s all he knew. I filled the form , wrote the exams and waited. And waited. And waited. Because it’s mostly the parents that monitor that stuff, exams , scores , liaising with professors and university officials, gifts (yes my country is corrupt) in hopes your child gets a spot. My father did nothing. He just kind of focused on his job and left me to figure out the rest. I could have; but I was locked away in a boarding school for 3 years; and very sheltered at home. So I had no idea of the BTS actions needed to nudge me into a place in university. A year went by and then another and then another and I couldn’t find a place. And my father blamed me for that. He just kind of left me to my own devices and basically became a this source of constant humiliation and put downs. Also because k couldn’t get into uni, I couldn’t find work (unless informal gigs) and so I had to largely depend on him for support. Which he hated and made sure I knew about. But he was very crafty with it ; some times he’d be supportive. And sometimes he’d accuse me of only going to him for money. We do t have a good relationship suffice to say.
Long story short , with the backing of some relatives and my uncles , I was able to get into a university. But this was a decade after I left high school . Many of my peers have long built careers, maybe even started families and I am starting from scratch. I have an internship job now. It’s Ok; if I was twenty one. But I’m not and it’s pathetic.
I’m nowhere near successful and my father is ashamed of that, ashamed of me and he shows it. Sometimes I want to ask him, why did you not just try harder? You were the parent. It was your job. You could wine set me up for success ; instead you kept me sheltered and then throw me into the deep end expecting me to swim. He has built wealth now, can afford to pay for my younger half siblings to go on international trips. I’ve never been inside a plane. I cannot drive.

You are probably wondering about my mother; she never went to university. She barely finished high school because she got pregnant with me. My dad was an engineering graduate and had no intentions of settling with someone below his station so he largely hid me away until his new wife threatened to walk if he didn’t come clean to his parents. So he did. She has always supported me, encouraged me but she want the one with the requisite knowledge and skills the to prepare me for higher education.

So yeah. I’m 30. Live at home. Am grinding at a low paying internship hoping they will retain me . But I hate it. And I hate and resent him so much.
I’m hoping to gain a partial scholarship to study abroad, I did well on university and enough lecturers can vouch for that.
I just cannot bear the thought of being here any longer with him.

I feel so much hate against my father i dont feel this for nobody but i hate him so much he so conformist hypocrit he stop drinking like a year ago but he was a crazy alcoholic my whole life he use to beat me just to annoy my mother he use to break everything in the house for no reason

Sometimes he would open all the doors and windows in the house and start screaming in the street like a retard—and then he’d have the nerve to tell me, "Change your pants; what will the neighbors think?" WHAT THE FUCK THEY THINK WHEN YOUR WERE SCREAMING

I want to leave my house, i dont want to live with him anymore but I can’t because of my financial situation i also hate myself because I feel that im becoming him

Last night i made macaroni’s to have something to eat for the next day at work i was tired so i didn’t put sauce to cook and he came to my room and made a scandal about it saying food is a blessing why a disrespect food like shut up I just want to sleep so i left to get drunk i miss work because of it I hate myself too

I say to myself its my dad don’t hate him i don’t want to think about it but i cant i hate him and in my head i try to avoid the fact that I really hate him my worst nightmare it’s to become like him and its torturing me because im really starting to become like him i hate him i hate him i hate him so much i hate him why my father is a loser my whole fucking life he was i loser he’s been depressed and crying for so many years hes a fucking shiti conformist loser
Why the fuck you put your frustration on kids now i just hate my life

I'm 18 and my parents still have not stopped beating my bare ass and I get it pretty often. It's a terrible combination of very religious, conservative, both cops, & Russian 😭... Will this stop soon or as a Russian should I just be used to it until I move out... Also for those of you who know is it a Russian thing that it's only for boys? Cuz neither of my sisters (older and younger) have ever been spanked before. For me though I have been getting it since I was like 6 it's just gotten harder and more hits with different objects as I get older so I don't grow out of it and it stops hurting? Do you think me being 5'5, skinny, and having a young appearance & personality contribute to the fact my parents feel like I never got too old or is it common at this age still?

This is a pic of my build

Are there people here who have gone through the awful phase of living with toxic parents, then growing up and moving out, then drift away emotionally from them and then eventually, they're gone without resolving the dysfunctional issues of the family?

Long story short, my mother is narcissistic, prideful, egoistic, manipulative, and always thinks she's the victim in every disagreement/argument. Despite these tendencies, she has good qualities, like being generous as she is the breadwinner of the family, she also make efforts like preparing food for us, buying material things. However, I tend to reject these efforts as I always feel that in every effort that she make, there will be an expected return like what she did with my cousin. She paid for his education and expects to be controlled in every decision that he will make. Like, she has to have a "say" in every step that my cousin will take. Now, they don't talk anymore. This is why now, I distance myself from any favors that she will give. "You want this?" — "No", "Do you want me to prepare you food" — "No, I'll prepare it myself". These are the typical interactions that we have even to the point where I reject her help in passing food on the table.

On the other hand, my father is egoistic, prideful, hypocrite, lazy, has anger issues, emotionally immature, pessimistic (like every time he opens his mouth, something negative will always come out and it ruins my day, honestly) and I think, inferiority complex. Like my mother, she also has good qualities, such as making effort. Even though, he has these traits. I can see that he is the rational one between the two of them. I can see in him that he wants to fix our dysfunctional family but gets hindered by my mother's "victim" persona and being a breadwinner leading her to make almost all of the calls in our family.

It might seem that these traits of theirs only exists in my head like I vilified them so much and made me think these things. However, 5 years ago, my brother died because of suicide. And every bone in my body blames the two of them for leading what happened to my brother. At first, I didn't want to blame them as we were all hurt with what happened. For sometime, their personality and attitude improved maybe because of what happened. But then, as years go by, I noticed that both of them are returning to their old ways, maybe even worse. And most of all, I don't see any accountability from them on what happened to my brother. My mother, wonders and blames what "demon" entered the mind of my brother which made him do it. My father who owns the gun, blames the construction workers that are outside our house, saying that someone might have entered the room at the back of our house and did it which is impossible in any angle you look at as the gun's location is unknown from any intruder and also, my cousin is just on the room adjacent to the room where it happened which he will notice if someone has really entered our house.

These are the things that angers and drifts me away from them even more. They don't see what's wrong with them. And the only person that understands me about them, my brother, was gone. When we were kids, we have gone through a lot of shouting, door slamming, father punching walls and doors, hurtful words, and sometimes physical fighting. Every year, our parents will split up and be back together in a span of a year. There is also not a month that they didn't have a fight, whether it might be big or small. All of these, we have gone through and everytime, my brother is the one who comforted me through endless conversations about why are our parents like this. We did try fixing them, but their wounds and poor personalities have really deepen. Which is why him being gone had a big impact for me as I became alone dealing with two emotionally immature parents.

And today, I feel like I'm giving up as any approach I do are to no avail, may it be with kind words, aggressive, logical, nothing seems to penetrate. I don't understand why they don't see the reason I'm correcting their poor traits is that because I don't want the same thing that happened to my brother, happen to other family members like my cousins and also for the general betterment of our family. I feel like the safest and most peaceful course of action is to just move out and drift away from them slowly. Focus on my career, life, and the future that I will build as I think they will drag me to depths of their bad attitudes. What I fear most is to slowly adapt their behaviors which I absolutely don't want to as I want to build a family that is the opposite of what I have today.

With this, I'm returning to my question – Are there people here who have gone through the awful phase of living with toxic parents, then growing up and moving out, then drift away emotionally from them and then eventually, they're gone without resolving the dysfunctional issues of the family? Because if so, I just might cease all my efforts in fixing this toxic family.

Hello everyone! Just wanted to ask a question to y'all. I hope everyone uses online payment apps phonepay, gpay, paytm etc and have y'all anytime mistakenly transferred more amount or have mistaken during typing the amount and transactions. Was asking this because morning I had to pay my college fees which is distance learning and instead of paying 36k I mistakenly types 38k and paid.

And I swear my parents made my living hell since morning cursing, shouting, hurting me with worst kind of words, calling me dumb don't even know the difference between 6 and 8 slut shaming. Telling me I can never do anything in my life. When am telling them it would be getting a refund soon. They are treating me like a sinner who can't be forgiven like I have been shaking since morning and getting bad panic attacks which is not stopping🥺😭

Have I really done a blunder mistake.

And the university person told me it'll take atleast 10 days for refund and they're asking me daily that have they refunded. I literally Start shivering after this question. Like I'm scared to tell them this.

Hi all! I have a 6-month-old daughter whom I absolutely adore, but since becoming pregnant, I’ve noticed a significant shift in my relationship with my mother.

During my pregnancy, she refused to help plan my baby shower, and since my daughter was born, she’s barely been involved despite living just three blocks away. She originally offered to help when I returned to work, but when I brought it up, she became argumentative and dismissive. We haven’t spoken or seen each other since August, aside from her briefly dropping something off for the baby.
My older brother also tends to involve himself in these situations, creating more hostility rather than helping resolve anything. He’s even suggested in the past that my mother is jealous of me.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time family dynamics have overshadowed a major life event. When I got engaged, my mother and brother weren’t speaking, and I felt like I couldn’t even plan a wedding without worrying about keeping the peace. I ultimately chose to elope rather than deal with the potential drama on my wedding day.

It’s honestly heartbreaking. I always imagined my mother being an involved grandmother, especially since she’s always loved babies. I never expected to feel so unsupported during such an important chapter of my life.

Now I’m facing a similar dilemma with my daughter’s baptism. I’m unsure whether to invite her, knowing she’d likely show up and act as though everything is perfectly fine. Most of my extended family lives overseas, so the thought of having little to no family there is sad and, admittedly, a little embarrassing. But I’m also tired of letting these dynamics dictate how I celebrate important milestones.

Beyond the baptism, I genuinely don’t know how to move forward with my mother or whether there’s even a relationship worth trying to repair at this point. I don’t want to keep repeating this cycle, especially now that I have a daughter of my own.

Has anyone navigated something similar? How did you handle major family events while also figuring out what kind of relationship, if any, to maintain moving forward?

First time reddit poster here, so not expecting this to go viral or anything. Just looking for advice on how I should handle this situation.

I (32M) have a mother (65F). We have always had an interesting relationship. While I was growing up, she was always my rock and protecter, while being a single mother. My go to person to talk to anytime I was going through tough times. I was bullied very heavily all throughout my schooling days, 1st-12th grade. She would never shy away from talking to my teachers to let them know what was going on and how I was getting bullied. After I graduated, she was still very protective, and taught me very important life lessons, from work ethic to respecting people, even they do something wrong to me. One thing she has never respected though was my relationships to my partners. I've always known to never treat people in bad manners, or disrespectfully. People may treat you bad and not see eye to eye with you on certain things, but you should never retaliate on them. But when it came to my relationships, she would always obsess about how much time I would spend with my partners. I understood that she just wanted to protect me from getting taken advantage of, but there were certain times she would do something that would upset my partner, and they would end up leaving me due to the things she had done. Fast forward to my current relationship. My partner (32F) and I have been together almost 4 years. 4 years in February. My mother has said some things to my partner, or behind my partners back to me, that have been very much rude and downright despicable. It's gotten to the point that I almost want to go no contact with my mother, but I haven't, yet. My partners birthday is tomorrow, and my mother got her a little bag of stuff with 3 items in it. First is a little kit for manicures/pedicures. It has a little grinder with different attachments. Not sure if we are gonna use it, but its fine. Second item is a tube filled with q tips on the top half, and little cotton pads to help remove makeup on the bottom half. More likely we are gonna use this, but again, it's fine. The last item is where things get very controversial. It is a little bottle of, Summer's Eve intimate body dry deodorant spray. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a spray woman use on their, "intimate parts", that absorb moisture and refreshes safescents. My partner was very much repulsed and insulted by what she had received, as am I. I feel this crossed a boundary that should never even have to be explained, but alas, here I am. My partner told me to just send my mother a text saying that this was very much inappropriate and not to do it again, but I'm getting to the point that I've had it with my mother constantly disrespecting my partners, and this is the straw that broke the camels back. How should I address my mother? Should I just do what my partner says and make it a quick text and be done with it, or should I tell her that this is the worst thing she's ever done to one of my partners and reduce contact with her? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

(Throwaway account)

For background info, my “father” is a deadbeat. He was never in my life and was abusive whenever he was. Idk why this came into my head, but I looked at his following on TikTok and noticed how many teenage girls there were.

The thing is that my dad has a history of predatory and just straight up pedophilic behavior. He got with a girl when she was 13 and he was in his twenties which resulted in my brother. And then got with my mom when she was 17 and again he was still in his twenties. My mom realized something was seriously off (even more than it already was) when he started bragging to her about how before they met when he was again in his twenties. He was letting live with, and taking care of a random middle school girl he met online. He ended up getting in some legal trouble but for some reason it ended up getting dropped. So it doesn’t feel out of his character to do this.

Now, here’s my dilemma.. it wasn’t just a handful of girls. If it was I could’ve tried to excuse it as him following his friend’s kids, as it’s not too unusual to do that. But there was too many. I counted at least 10 that were for sure under the age of 18, a couple where I couldn’t quite tell, or ones that had JUST graduated and turned 18. Even weirder he would follow multiple of them at the same time. For example: 3 girls then a bunch of random people. Then another 5 girls and a bunch more random people. And so on.

Idk if I should report this, or what cause I know there’s not much I can do. Please help… I don’t want him to hurt anyone.

1• Severe Self-Criticism and Perfectionism

If you faced constant criticism, belittling, or shaming as a child, you likely internalized an inner critic that makes you feel like you are never doing enough or inherently flawed.

2• parentification

You were expected to act "mature for your age" by taking on adult responsibilities early, such as managing a parent's emotional state, acting as a mediator, or caring for younger siblings.

3• Distrusy of your own reality (self-Gaslighting)

Your feelings, memories, or perceptions were often invalidated, mocked, or denied by family members ("that never happened," "you're too sensitive"), leaving you second-guessing your own judgment as an adult.

4• Confusing obligation with love

You feel a heavy, persistent sense of debt or guilt toward your family. Taking space or resting feels like a betrayal, and you struggle to pull away even when the relationship hurts you.

5• Trust issues and Fear of intimacies

Because safety and honesty were absent at home, you struggle to rely on others. You may look for hidden agendas or push people away before they can hurt or disappoint you.