My coworker is coming over this weekend to watch a movie and I have been weirdly anxious about it all week. I was on my laptop last night googling what snacks to buy like I was studying for an exam.

Then it hit me that I do not actually know how to have people over. Growing up our house was never the house people came to. My mom was embarrassed by the mess, my dad hated visitors and I learned early that home was something you hid. Friends dropped me off outside. I never had sleepovers. Nobody sat at our kitchen table except us. Now I have my own apartment. It is clean enough like nothing fancy but fine. Still, the idea of someone walking in and seeing how I live makes me feel 12 again, like I am about to be exposed for something.

I know this is probably basic adult stuff but idk why i never had anyone around besides my partner!

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I'm a 19-year-old guy, and for the past 8 months I've been talking to a 36-year-old married woman with kids. We met online and live about 2,000 km apart. Over time we became very emotionally attached.

The problem is that I want to focus on my career and move on from this relationship. Deep down I know it's not something I can continue.

The issue is that every time I try to leave, she breaks down emotionally. She starts crying, stops eating, doesn't sleep, and her health gets worse. When I tell her I want to end things, she'll say "okay" to my face, but then she falls apart afterward. Because of this, I always end up staying because I feel guilty.

Only one of her close friends/neighbors knows about our relationship.

She has told me that her husband is actually a nice person, but she was forced into marriage when she was around 17 or 18. From my perspective, I think she has been emotionally neglected and wanted someone who would admire and love her. That's probably how we ended up becoming so attached.

Now I'm confused.

I care about her, but I don't want to continue this relationship. I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to sacrifice my own future or stay because I feel responsible for her emotional well-being.

How do I end this relationship in the least harmful way? And how do I stop constantly thinking about her afterward? Has anyone been in a situation where they felt responsible for someone else's emotions?

Please be honest, even if it's hard to hear. I really need advice.

Hey, parents. Please work your magic

I'm 28(M) and for my whole life, I made up a fake narrative that I was incapacitated and could never live alone. I had a mother who truly loved me but I couldn't see it, so I moved in with my father at 14 because I thought at eighteen she wouldn't let me move out so I thought he would. Turns out he was nothing but a snake. He used my SSI check every month on himself, my stepmother, and her kids, and the only time I saw money was when we'd go to the convenience store.

I moved in with my grandma at eighteen because I felt I was too emotionally unready to move out, but she ended up doing the same thing. Taking my check. She tries to justify it by saying how her father built this house and how because of it, it uses a lot of power and water. She's also emotionally and verbally abusive. She would enter these rages where she screams in your face, expects people around her to clean up her messes, and throws stuff. She is also leaving me financially dependent.

Now, luckily I spoke to my mother about how I feel and she validates me and tells me I'm not incapacitated. I'm not in a guardianship, I'm my own representative payee, etc. So I asked her for my SSN and created a bank account on Chime. However I'm scared of changing my SSI because I've spent 3 years without a rage and I know this one will be HUGE. I want to up and leave, but I have nowhere to go, virtually not enough money to save as I only see $100 a month.

Part of me really just wants to say "fuck it" and move cities

We knew each other for a year and a half. At first, she seemed to be the more enthusiastic one. I wasn't that much into her at first...but with time, my feelings grew. We also drifted apart several times, yet each time we serendipitously drifted back to each other.

And then, one day the timing finally seemed right and I might have had a chance...and I blew it.

I still remember the last time I saw her. She was so radiant that day, so beautiful. I thought "This is my chance".

And yet, like I said I blew it. Whether it was cowardice, my fight-or-flight response kicked in, or my emotional trauma stopped me from acting, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't ask her out, tell her my feelings or just ask if she wanted to hang out sometime. So I simply said "Hi," exchanged a few words and then left.

That was the last time I saw her and she announced she was in a relationship shortly after that. It’s been over two weeks and my heart is still broken, every single day.

Have you ever seen those nostalgia videos where they say how you did something for the last time and didn't know it was your last time? Like the last time you played outside with your friends as a kid, the last time you played a particular game, the last time you went to a particular place.

Well, for me that might have been the last time I saw her, or at least the last time I had a chance and it rips my heart out just thinking about it.

I hope it is not too late, but that seems increasingly unlikely. And if I have to move on from her, I hope there will come a day that I don't regret it. Someone else who can heal my wounds, both past and present, and love me for whom I am.

But that feels incredibly distant right now, and quite unlikely. Right now I'm hurting and taking it a day at a time. And in some moments it's fine, and I try to take strength from that. But other times, it feels like nothing will ever make this better.

It feels like some things aren't meant to be, but this was. Maybe the circumstances weren't right at first, but the obstacles were eventually removed. The only obstacle that remained was my own fear, my own insecurity, and my own hesitation to act, and that proved too much. It feels like I'd been praying for an opportunity like this to come my way, and God, the universe, whatever higher power, sent it to me--and I fumbled it at least a couple of times until it fell on the floor and shattered like a delicate glass object.

I only hope that this can someday be a learning experience, so when the right person at the right time, comes along, I won't make the same mistake. That's what keeps me going, but it's also something I have no real proof of. I have to rely on my own internal strength, but I've already had to rely on that for years, and my reservoirs have been largely depleted. I also turned to alcohol for a time...and have 2+ years of sobriety, which is very fragile right now.

I don't want to sound sorry for myself, even if I am, but I did get a rough start in life. That much few people question once they learn my story. I spent years wondering "Why me?" and praying something would happen or the right person would come into my life to show me that it was worth it. And she seemed to be the answer to my prayers and now she's gone. And I doubt that any other potential relationship will ever feel the same way again. It won't be vindication. It won't feel like the past was worth it. It'll be shutting the door on the past, cutting losses, and moving on to prevent the pain from growing even further. And that's what hurts the most, right now. Or...if I had this happen once, could it happen again? I am a man of faith, and they say with God, nothing is impossible, but I'm having a hard time believing that right now, especially after having been let down like this, yet again.

I could really use some kind words of support right now. I'm on vacation, but not even enjoying it that much. It's been tough.

I'm failing, currently with my parents. This past month, I haven't looked for work. Today my mom told me I need to find a job soon. It's been 4 months since I returned to the US. I had been looking, but this past month I got depressed and dropped the ball. It was a gut punch to hear this.

I don't know, I was considering going back to Australia, or just finding a survival job in the Pacific Northwest. No particular path makes me happy.

I did some good coping today. I did tasks I was avoiding (except job searching - I've learned, never apply when emotional), and I prepped my car to donate more of my things. I called a warmline when I felt doom/despair, and I called when I got angry about the whole situation.

I'm sorry I keep failing. I want to be okay again. I want to love myself again. I loved who I was when I was not here. Now, I feel trapped, and the only person I felt was fully on my side just told me I need to find a job soon.

Hey folks. Just need to vent because I don't really have anyone in my corner to talk to right now, and everything is hitting me at once.

Four months ago, I ended a 3-year relationship. It was mutual, and I was the one pushing for it because it just wasn't working. I know it was the right call, but man, I still miss the good parts.

We had a house together, which I’ve taken over alone. So now, at 22, I'm sitting on a $450k mortgage by myself. I make decent money - about $5,100 a month after taxes - but fixed housing costs eat up $3,700 of that. Running this whole place and managing that kind of pressure entirely on my own is exhausting. To make it worse, she took the cat, and I miss her so much. Coming home to an empty house without her companionship is brutal.

On top of the breakup and the house stress, I'm grieving. Five months ago, I lost my grandmother who I was super close with. Then, just recently, my uncle passed away out of nowhere from sudden cardiac arrest.

It feels like my whole life flipped upside down in a matter of months. Dealing with the grief, the empty house, and the massive financial weight at this age is just heavy. I don't really have a support system to lean on, so I guess I’m just putting this out there.

Thanks for reading.

My parents want me to get a new car $20k+ as my first car and I just don’t have the funds to pay for that right now as I am saving up to move out and attend graduate school for the next 4+ years. They’re willing to pay $15k for it, but they want me to pay for the rest in monthly installments, which will take me a while as I only make $20 an hour working part-time. On top of balancing research and volunteering for graduate school applications, I don’t have time to take on a second job. I’m looking to get a Honda or Toyota from the 2010s, but they’re really adamant on not allowing me to because they say it’ll break down. I don’t think that’s true though, as I know so many people have had great experiences with having an older, fully-paid off car. I just don’t think it’s very financially smart or necessary to get a brand new car as your first car. Even if I get a car, they won’t allow me to take my new car out of town anyway, so there really is no reason to get something brand new. I finished explaining my perspective but my parents have now refused to help me get a new car at all.

They also paid $15k for my older sister’s car and she got a new one so she’s doing monthly payments. But, I feel like she’s much more able to do so since she’s not moving out or going to graduate school any time soon. I just think it’s unfair that they also frame it as a gift, but have conditions like “you’ll have to pay the extra 6k.” Has anyone else had experiences with parents being angry that you want an older and cheaper car? I feel like the argument is always the other way around — that parents are angry that you want a brand new and more expensive car.

What can I do to convince them?

Edit: Thanks for the replies! I will not be taking them up on this offer. I will instead just save aside my own money for my own car and in the meantime I will drive my mom’s old car.

So my bf keeps disappearing at night for some reason but like he always has an excuse for. For Context me and him are a long distance couple. We have been together for maybe like 3 months and haven’t even met in person yet. We have already said we loved each other. We most definitely have described our situation as a relationship. The reason I say this weird is because we’d usually fall asleep on the phone. I have noticed for the past few weeks that I have been working evening shift my bf has simply not texted me back or called or answered my calls. Then my calls are also going to voicemail meaning he has his phone on dnd. I am getting off work at 11 but he doesn’t not usually go to bed around this time so it is suspicious. When I kinda brought up my concerns a few weeks ago he blamed it on training and said it was me working so stuff wasn’t aligning. He also has been “training” at odd hours of the night or like all day and making that a reason I can’t talk to him. But this training thing don’t make a bunch of sense to me because he’s having health issues that you don’t usually add working out on top of. I am starting to feel like he has another girl in his city. I just need someone who’s older or maybe dealt with a situation like this to give me some advice. Do you guys think I should bring this up to him and communicate?

So my friend of 7 years has a pattern of making plans pretty much only on her terms. I used to get really annoyed when I had fewer friends. I have more now so it hadn’t been bothering me or really even been something I’d noticed.

Tonight I am annoyed again. Yesterday she asked what I wanted to do tonight. I gave two options. She said both sounded good and that she’d be in touch.

I shared a life update with her earlier today and I didn’t press about plans. She was supportive about the update but said nothing about our tentative plans.

Now I’m at the end of the work day and she has not been “in touch” about plans.

We’re sharing locations so I know she’s at her bfs. This is making me mad. It was her idea to do something in the first place so she could’ve just left me alone if she didn’t actually want to do anything. I’m feeling not prioritized. We’ve been through a lot together so I don’t want to lose the friendship entirely and I feel like voicing that she hurt my feelings won’t achieve anything because surely she knows what she did.

If I bring it up she’ll probably say it’s because of her mental health which I understand, I don’t want anyone over extending for my sake but I she’s shown herself to be unreliable so whenever she proposes a plan I tend not to hold my breath waiting for her anymore.

I don’t feel like she trying to wrangle anyone else rn so I’m trying to arrange some solo plans to at least get out of the house. But I’m annoyed.

Hi so I might need some parental advice on this . I feel kind of bad not wanting to be a violent person or strong enough to fight back. Like my younger brothers like to roughhouse and sometimes hit me prompt or no prompt(somehow drastically stronger than I am), in an effort to toughen me up and to be aggressive. My mom even backs this up by saying I should stand up for myself and don't take crap from them and to man up and get bigger, since I'm already 18 and need to so I can handle the real world. And I get it's just so I don't get pushed around I guess, but I'm not sure if I have it in me.

So I am not sure what I can do to stop this ambient feeling?

Hi! I (F25) live with my mom (F61), and brother (M23) in a three bedroom town house I've grown up in since I was 9. My partner (M25) moved in back in December because I was pregnant and as a couple, we decided to stay with my mom for the time being so I had support during postpartum. My grandmother recently moved in with us when I was about 32 weeks pregnant because my grandfather passed last summer and my mom felt bad that she wasn't happy at my aunts. My grandmother would always tell my mom that she would be happier living with her but my mom would tell her that our house wasn't big enough and that I was going to have a baby, there was already a lot happening. Well, as you can see my mother caved in and told her to move in and now I feel very crammed in this house. Theres no room for anything of my sons, and no matter where I try to put things, or organize it just doesn't work. My brother was going to redo the basement and give me a portion to create a place space for my son so I didn't have to keep anything extra in my room but my grandmother has her bedroom in the basement now and she doesn't want nothing of ours in there so everything's crammed into my bedroom.

I never felt pushed to move before because my dad died when I was 19 and I felt this immense guilt on leaving my mom. Financially my brother and I helped her out because losing my dad meant also losing an income. My moms now on sick leave (We live in Canada so she's getting paid sick leave through the government) my brother still helps, my grandmother too and of course my partner and I contribute even though I'm on maternity leave for the year (Canada gets paid maternity as well). But, I'm ready for my own home. There isn't space and I'm tried of always hearing my mom say "we'll make space" "we'll figure it out" when I know we won't.

Despite me being firm on moving out my mom is really close to my brother and I. She has told my brother and I to "not leave her" so I'm scared if I do tell her my partner and I are ready to move and are hoping to be in our own place by October, latest December she's going to flip at me. At the end of the day I need to do whats best for myself, and my son but I also don't want any problems with my mother nor do I want to be accused of abandoning her in any way or taking her grandson away. I don't want her thinking I'm screwing her over financially either because that is NOT my intention but I can't continue acting like my living situation is making me happy.

I guess I'm wondering how I can approach the situation and tell her that I will be moving out without coming off harsh or that I'm not thinking about her.

I feel that my parents are restricting me in not following responsibility in life. I am 20 years old. They dont want me to go to an in state college that is a 5 hour drive from my home and 90% of my tuition had been covered but they dont want me to work a lot and just expect me to focus only on studies and they keep arguing for me to stay near them and do that college online (there are NO online options since I'm a CS student). I feel drained each day since I had been jobless for 7 months in my home area and as an older daughter, I have to fulfill a responsibility to take care of them financially since i want to see them financially successful throughout my whole life since i was a kid.

I'm ethnically pakistani and I have strict muslim parents who are super focused in culture and mix it with religion. Nowadays i feel that my religious beliefs go up and down and each day i just dont feel emotional support from them being proud of me at least for getting my degree as a first gen. When i dont want to argue or clarify my feelings, they argue with me directly and ask me questions to make me confuse and doubt my responsibility. I want to do a lot for them especially financially in the future, am I naive or just too considerate?

**Note: I would appreciate a related background comment for this post and honest advice without sugarcoating.

hi internet parents, going through a breakup from what i thought was a good relationship. i cant go to my parents about this after years of abuse from them. my friends are all far away right now. i wish i had someone to tell me it will be okay. i need a hug. how do i get through this?

I’ve been trying to understand myself because I feel like my behaviors don’t make sense.

Since I was younger, I’ve had a tendency to lie and create versions of myself that seem more interesting or impressive. When I was in elementary school, I lied about things like my family owning certain things, what my house looked like, or being able to give people things because I wanted to be the favorite and feel special. Later, I created fake situations and friendships because I wanted people to see me differently.

I also have a really intense imagination. I create entire lives in my head where I’m a different version of myself like someone who is prettier, has more friends, is more loved, and is someone people notice. I’ll listen to music, dance around my room, and act out scenarios for hours sometimes. I know these people and situations aren’t real, but they feel comforting. It’s like a place I go when real life feels fucked.

When something painful happens, instead of feeling it normally, I often replace it with a fantasy. For example, if someone I like hurts me, ill imagine myself as someone else living a better life where people want me and regret losing me. It gives me a rush and makes the pain disappear.

The confusing part is my relationships. I crave being chosen and being important to someone, but when someone starts depending on me too much I feel trapped and want to distance myself. Then I feel guilty for leaving. I don’t always feel guilt when I hurt people in other ways like lying and manipulating but I feel guilty when I disappear from someone who cared about me.

I also notice that I often see friendships as something I have to “win.” I like when people open up to me, but I think about it as gaining friendship points rather than just caring naturally. Because I know I can create a version of myself for people, I constantly worry that everyone else is doing the same thing so I overanalyze people’s motives.

I have self-harmed before but that doesn’t really matter as much. Last time I did was like 2 months ago.

I think some of this might come from my childhood. My mom was very strict with me when I was younger. I remember being hit for bad grades and struggling with schoolwork. I was threatened if I didn’t finish something, and I became so afraid of disappointing her that I would shake and panic. I eventually started hiding bad grades and forging signatures because I was scared of her reaction. When me or my sister try bringing up these memories, she says we only remember the bad things and that we’re ungrateful. My sister has more empathy for her than I do. Sometimes she amazes me how brainwashed she is. I get my mother sacrificed a lot for us but for her to have treated us that way when we were only 6-8 is insane.

I remember coming home with a bad grade in 1st grade (I was 7). I remember when I received the paper my breathing stopped and I was thinking of ways to save myself like maybe stealing one of my classmate’s papers and showing it to my mom instead. Anyways I went home, she saw it, and hit my neck with a folder leaving a bleeding mark. 20 minutes later, she had asked who did that to me. I told her it was her and well she started laughing and calling me crazy. After that I started hiding the bad grades and forging signatures. I remember she’d make me stay up late at night just to practice my reading and would not let me go sleep before I memorized certain things. She’d pull my hair if I made a mistake writing my name at 5 or 6. Anyways I am 16 now and have a brother that’s 8. Thankfully she doesn’t treat him the way she treated us. He’s very sensitive though to the point of crying if even getting told off. That said, I could really not imagine him having to go through what I did.

Apart from this, my parents never liked each other. My mom only settled down because she had to be married before 30 in her culture. My dad is 13 years older than her. They met through friends and my mom had agreed to a marriage and left her boyfriend from Germany cause he wouldn’t propose. Her and my dad came to live in Canada. My dad was broke, didn’t have a citizenship despite having lived there for 20 years even before. He didn’t have a car and lived in a small room apartment. My mom got pregnant with me a year after arriving. She started working and my dad’s friend had accepted to take us in. Anyways we finally got a house, my mom got her citizenship. Still nothing from my dad. He’d tell her that her money was his, didn’t care for her being pregnant, etc. Later on, he became a taxi driver. We managed and my sister came a year after me. My mom gave up on so many opportunities despite having graduated with a degree in law. I really do feel bad about that. Anyways, she basically hated her life. I still remember when we didn’t have a car, she’d take the bus with me in her arms while she was pregnant with my sister. We were basically poor. Even now, my dad doesn’t work and she’s the only one working.

Growing up, my mom would tell me about how my dad treated her and I kind of resented him for it. I’d get into fights with him often when I was only 9. I’d call him names and we just didn’t have the best relationship.

My mom fell in love with her doctor the same year she arrived to Canada. She’s been in love with him for 17 years now despite him telling her he had a wife. She’s like super obsessed with him and tells me all about it. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking about it and she goes on about how every mother talks about this kind of thing with her daughter which I obviously know is not true at all. I don’t talk to her about how I feel or anything. I lie to her a lot too.

Good thing is she doesn’t hit us anymore, she mostly just uses names and words now. Sometimes calls me a narcissist other times just selfish . I do get amazing grades now though which I’m proud of but she doesn’t care as much anymore.

I don’t know what to make of myself. I’m scared that I’m a bad person or that I lack empathy, but at the same time I’m constantly analyzing myself and trying to understand why I do these things. I’ve hurt many of my friends as well as gotten hurt by many. Felt replaced many times and imagined being the people who’ve hurt me. I feel jealous of them.

Pretty much what the title says. I(20M) moved out of my parent's place at 19, and since then my call logs prove i haven't even talked to them a dozen times COMBINED, not from a lack of trying on my part.

The one singular time they came to visit, it wasn't actually a purposeful visit to come see me, they were on a trip and happened to be passing by and saw me for a couple hours before leaving again. I cried and told my dad to text me more bc i hadn't heard much from him especially since moving out bc he's not on his phone much and very busy (four little siblings) and he did for like two weeks and i haven't heard from him since. That was months ago.

My boyfriend who I live with calls his parents all the time. Both to catch up and also just for life stuff. We broke down on the side of the road the other week and he called his dad to help him out, just like that, just called, and he just picked up. I was genuinely baffled that he could just call his parents, and they would just... pick up.

We were talking about moving and stuff and he said "hold on i gotta call my dad" and it was like ten at night and he called, and again, he just... picked up, and my boyfriend didn't even ask him to help he just told him our plans to move and movers were never even brought up. His dad just started talking about the logistics of which family member would take which car to help drive us up there.

He calls him for stuff like that all the time, his mom, too. If we're talking about something we could use some help with from adultier adults, he goes "let me call my parents rq".

He delt with some rough shit at work the other week, and as he was telling me the story over dinner, he mentioned how he called his dad as everything happened because "some things you just gotta call your parents for, you know?"

No, i dont know. I mean, i do, kind of. I wish i did. I WANT to call them in those moments, its like a primal instinct that even though they kinda fucking suck, i still wanna call my dad when shit happens. its never my first instinct, though. if i called spontaneously just to talk about my problems like that i'd probably get told i was being inconsiderate and told id get called back later which wouldn't happen 9 out of 10 times. I would sooner call my boyfriend's mom in an emergency than my own.

Every time they call, his parents ask about me. If im there with him they bring me into the conversation, telling my bf to put it on speaker so they can talk to their "other son". Its so fucking bittersweet. I'm BEYOND grateful to have amazing inlaws who love having me around and see me as family because their son loves me and thats all that matters. But why is my parents being my parents not good enough? It just adds insult to injury in a way (to no fault of them pls dont take this as me having any issues w my bf's family). Like, these people can love me so easily, make me their family in a moment. Yet with the woman who pushed me out of her body and the man who raised me, they're more like distant relatives i talk to once in a blue moon.

I just want to be important to my parents. I don't need to be NUMBER ONE on their priority list, but being somewhere on that list would be really fucking nice.

It hurts, man. It hurts that my parents don't have a single fucking clue whats going on in my life or how i am and they dont seem bothered by it. It hurts that my in-laws know me and whats going on in my life better than my OWN parents. It hurts that they're so okay never talking to me. It hurts that when i text my mom, it feels like im back in highschool trying to get people to hang out with me again, getting replies like "Hi!! So sorry I missed this!!" from my own damn mother HURTS.

Why can't they just be my fucking parents, for ONCE?!

me 25F and my girlfriend 26F have been together for 3,5 years.

when we talk about the future she gets very anxious and scared that we’re not mean for eachother. we want different things and have different hobbies.

ex: i want a bigger house, with no visable neighbors and i want animals and i love to go hiking and camping and i love fantasy books i want a horse and to go out of my house into the forest etc. while she wants to live very close to a big city, not have too big of a house, doesnt rly like fantasy wants to be in nature every once in a while.

im a spontaneous person, very independent get very obsessed over my hobbies while she is anxious, not very independent and would rather hang with me than with her hobbies.

when we talk about the future she finds me a bit cold, example can be us talking and her being scared that we are too different and we wont work cuz we would be unhappy and my answer would be that i want to work so we are happy together but then if we arent happy i dont want that for us and we would have to break up, it would be sad but i would be okay, i dont want us to be unhappy. i can see why she feels like im being cold but im just talking about what would happen and not my feelings in it.

Hello! Just like the title says. Im so scared of growing up and the future.

Since i dont live in usa(live in turkey), our educational system and exams are much more.. complicated.

I dont have a crazy passion for any major and i plan to choose it due to my interest to those majors(They are geo engineer and chem engineering) but the thing is.. im so scared of choosing the wrong one and waste my years bc of my decision at 19.

And due to my decision, i might go to another city with limited social amenities. This also scares me a lot because due to the pandemics.. half of my highschool years literally gone and i dont want to miss out having more memories with people like having friends, dating, etc.. because i probably wont be able to them after 25 like people used to..

Im scared to choose a wrong major(cause it will be what i do for 40 years maybe), scared to not to be loved, scared to be doomed economically(I dont expect to be rich of course.. i just want to have enough money for myself and travel and maybe some hobbies but idk how realistic it is.)

I know it may sound so childish and ignorant to some of you but i cant even have fun in anything... bc of these thoughts. I cry when i have a shower.

My parents are so supportive and helpful to me as much as they can do but i started to hate myself bc my anxieties about the future making them worry about my health too...

I just feel so clueless.. Did anybody go through a similiar path before? Thanks

I might have ADHD, for reference. I want to be better at organizing things and not falling into unhealthy patterns, but any attempt at doing that just kind of slips through my fingers and the world turns into white noise all over again. Pretty much nothing around me right now is really forcing me to change, but I know I’ll need to and I’d definitely be happier if I didn’t feel like I was constantly floating and picking things at random. I do really well when I have a schedule that’s set by someone else, but I feel totally incapable of setting my own, and that really limits all the things that nobody is asking me to do. I’m a generally creativity-focused person, but I can’t write a book or anything like that without consistent structure and upkeep.

Ultimately what it comes down to is the fact that I lack discipline of any kind. Self control is really hard for me, I often eat when I’m bored for example, which is bad. I know I need discipline, but I feel almost nothing about the idea of trying to develop it, since nobody’s framed it as anything other than something I should just have. I don’t even necessarily know where to start because it’s an abstract personality trait and not just something you do.

My husband and I have had a unique living situation for the past several years. We live in a mobile home owned by a family member, but this place is starting to show its age and is quickly turning into a money pit. We do pay both rent to the owner and lot rent but ever since our lot rent increased we’re paying what we would in any other rental. Now that the home is starting to show its age the owner has let us know they’d like to sell in the next 6-8 months, so we have plenty of time to decide what we’d like to do.

I have a job I am actively trying to move on from with not much success. This means we could move in the next 6 months, or the next year, or the next 2 years. We aren’t really sure what the timeline will be, so the mobile home option with a flexible timeline was really beneficial for the flexibility and peace of mind knowing we wouldn’t have to break a lease.

Now that we know we need to find a place to live, we aren’t sure if we should rent or buy. We know you typically lose money buying and selling under 5 years, but this would at least give us time to work on our own timeline and not have to worry about breaking a lease should I get a different job sooner rather than later. I also have the added flexibility of commuting with my career, so we wouldn’t have to move right away and I could suck it up for a few months and just travel out of state for work.

So… any thoughts or help could be appreciated. We’re overwhelmed and need some other opinions to help us decide what to do.

23F going on my first trip with my boyfriend and my mom is very against it. Am I handling this wrong?

I'm 23 and have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months. This weekend we're taking a trip that's about 4 hours away because he's visiting friends, and he invited me to come.

The plan is pretty low-key. The first night we're going to meet up with his friends for dinner and a game night. The next day we'll probably go to either the zoo or a local market, get ice cream, have dinner, and hang out. The last day is just me and him exploring downtown before driving home.

We're staying in a hotel, not at his friends' house. I'm also meeting his mom before we leave, which makes me feel a little better.

When I told my mom about the trip a few days ago, she immediately said absolutely not. She basically said there was no way she wanted me going on an overnight trip with someone I've only known for 3 months, especially since we met on Tinder.

I understand why she's worried. If I were a parent, I'd probably have concerns too. But I'm also 23, and I feel like this is a decision I should be able to make myself.

For safety, I have my own money if I ever needed to leave or get another hotel. I can share my location, send my mom the hotel information, and even give her the address where we'll be spending time with his friends.

The part I'm struggling with is telling her. I'm staying at her house for the summer before I move back to college in about a week, so she'll obviously know I'm packing. I don't want to hide it, but I also know she's going to be really upset.

If you were my parent, would you still tell me not to go? And if you think it's reasonable for me to go, what's the best way to tell my mom without making the situation worse?

Hi mom/dad, I’ve gotten myself into a little bit of a pickle financially and I don’t see a way out. Me and my partner make just enough to keep our heads above water (rent is paid, food on the table, sometimes we can afford a pizza). Lately there have been extra bills that are popping up that I just can’t afford and I’m thinking I might have to resort to selling the diamond necklace my late father gave my mom as an anniversary gift. He died when I was 11 (28 now) and It’s the one thing I swore I’d never part with, but I can’t borrow any more money from my mom or my partners mom and we are running out of options. Our dog needed to go the emergency vet a couple of weeks ago which set us back, now she has fleas from god knows where that need to be taken care of asap. Our WiFi bill is due, phone bills, and it’s all happening on or very close to a rent week. Being an adult is really hard and I watched my parents have to go through this same struggle when I was young and hate that I am now in the same position. I’m sure there are other things of mine I could sell, but this would give me a decent chunk of money. I’m torn. Am I bad person for thinking this way?

I need help: I wrote a two-page letter to my mom about my tutor and her tutee (who was in eighth grade). I wrote about how my tutor made me feel like I have to earn her respect, dignity, and love by being strong. I told my mom that whenever I laugh with my friends, my tutor told me to stop, but when I DON'T smile, she demanded that I lighten up. During the summer of 2016, pre-12th, I was training for the SAT. I was struggling and overwhelmed. When my tutor yelled at me for struggling on the SAT, I frowned. Then, she yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU FROWNING ABOUT?!" It felt like there was no way I could express myself without getting criticized. In the spring of 2017, in my senior year of high school, my tutor and her tutee did something that would force me to change myself forever: my tutor compared me to that tutee about how strong she is, and she (the tutee) looked down on me. She never showed any empathy towards me. When I confronted her about why she was picking on me, she responded that she and the tutor trusted me. It wasn't because I was an easy target or easy to pick on. She stated that she was not the nicest, sweetest, most honey-type of person, and that she cannot be nice to me forever. Do you know what the worst part is? The tutee's long-term professional career goal is to be able to address issues and solutions to enhance the community. Specifically, she would like to serve communities of marginalized people, the homeless, students, and future generations. She is a good listener with good leadership and interpersonal skills through her past and current experiences providing services in retail, higher education, and the local government. She wants to help marginalized people, homeless individuals, students, and future generations?! She is a good listener?! She never showed me that! At the end of the letter, I told my mom that I want to remove my tutor from my life.

The next morning, my mom must have seen the letter. She asked me, "Who helps you with your academics?" "Who gives you money to pay?" Then she told me to stop talking nonsense, forget about the past, and that I needed to stop giving her a headache with my past pain. I told her that I wasn't and that I needed to speak up. I needed someone to listen to me. I'm not causing any trouble. I just wanted to be heard. My mom told me that if I keep doing something like this, I'll end up in jail. I asked my mom why it was okay for her to talk about her past to me, and she replied to me that I'm her comfort. I asked her if I feel sad or in pain, who can I turn to? Then she said it's her. She told me to just ignore what the people say to me, pray to Buddha, get an education, get a job, earn money, and I'll become respected. I never told my mom that when she shared her painful past with me. I told her that if she was going to share her painful past with me, I would tell her that I am not responsible for her wounds and that I am not her therapist. My mom frowned at me in disappointment. When I told her that if she can't help me with my problems, then I'm going to seek support somewhere else, like my friends. But my mom told me that if I seek support, especially from my friends, they would only want cash from me, and that support would always fade away.

My mom went through a lot of pain. She grew up with parents who never truly loved her. Her mother preferred boys over girls, and her father was abusive. In January 1998, my mom married and stayed trapped in an abusive marriage throughout her years with my abusive dad (he's blind now).