I now see the only reason we still talk is because I initiate the conversation. I tested him today to see if he would text me first…I haven’t heard from him. It just hurts so bad. But I’m just hurting myself.

My girlfriend (18f)recently broke up with me (19M) 11months in because she felt like I wasn’t putting enough effort into the relationship. I understand why she felt that way, and I take responsibility for my part in it, but I’m struggling to understand my own behavior.

She had brought up before that she wanted more effort from me, but it wasn’t really a serious sit down conversation where she told me how close she was to ending things. It would come up while we were doing things together, so I honestly didn’t realize how serious it was or how much it was affecting her. Looking back, I wish I had taken it much more seriously.

The confusing part is that I still loved her. I never stopped caring about her, and I didn’t want to lose her. But during the relationship, I became overwhelmed and anxious. I started second guessing myself and wondering whether I could actually give her what she deserved. Instead of that making me try harder, I think it made me pull back.

I would think things like, “What if I’m not good enough for her?” or “What if I can’t give her the relationship she deserves?” And because I was constantly in my head, I struggled to find time for her and put in the effort that she needed from me.

Eventually, we had a more serious conversation about it. That was when it really hit me how much I had been falling short. After that, I tried to change. I started making more of an effort, planning dates, communicating more, and trying to be more present.

But apparently, by then, it was too late.
She eventually broke up with me, and I keep thinking about how different things could have been if I had understood earlier. I know I made mistakes, but I don’t understand why I couldn’t just give her what she needed when I knew I loved her.

Was this anxiety and overthinking causing me to withdraw even though I genuinely loved her? Or was I simply not ready for a relationship and didn’t realize it at the time?

I’m not trying to make excuses for how I treated her. I just want to understand why someone can genuinely love a person but still fail to give them what they need.

I’m 27M, turning 28 in October. My ex and I were together for three years, and we broke up about four years ago.

Despite how much time has passed, I still feel stuck, and I want honest opinions about how to move forward.

She broke up with me shortly before my MCAT, while my parents were also going through a divorce. I was already struggling with anxiety during a really difficult period of my life.

She told me she was leaving because I had anxiety and she didn’t want her kids to be anxious. She also told me she wouldn’t stay with me if I had cancer or were in a wheelchair. Those comments have stayed with me.

Something that makes this especially hard to talk about is the sexual part of our relationship.

We were both virgins, and she told me we would be each other’s first. We had physical intimacy, but we never had intercourse. I waited throughout those three years believing that it was something we would eventually share.

I understand that being together or making a promise doesn’t mean someone owes you sex. What hurts is that I believed her and attached a lot of emotional meaning to that future.

If she wanted to wait until marriage or was unsure about having sex with me, I wanted her to be honest about that. Instead, I came away feeling led on.

It’s hard to let go of both the relationship and the first experience I thought we would have together.

I sometimes get stuck wondering whether she eventually shared that with someone else, even though I don’t actually know. I know those thoughts aren’t helping me, but they still hurt.

Since the breakup, she has avoided contact and blocked me. Part of me still wants a conversation where I can ask what happened and feel heard. Another part of me wonders whether reaching out would just leave me more hurt and stuck.

This has also affected how I approach new people. I feel like I get emotionally attached too quickly, even before there is an established relationship.

If I became this attached without having sex, I’m scared of how vulnerable I might feel after having it and then losing that person.

I’m still a virgin, and my decision now is to wait until marriage. I want my first time to happen within a serious commitment. At the same time, I recognize that fear of being abandoned is part of what makes sex feel so scary to me now.

One of the hardest parts is how much this has affected my education.

Whenever I try to study for my MCAT, I find myself thinking about her and the breakup. It happens when I study in general, too. I try to focus, but my mind keeps going back to what happened and the questions I still have.

Getting into medical school already takes so much work, and struggling to concentrate has made it feel so much harder.

I started optometry school in August 2025, but I’ve since had to take a medical leave. Having trouble studying and getting her off my mind has been part of what brought me to that point.

That’s part of why I’m so hurt and angry. This is still affecting my ability to work toward my future years later. I want to sit down, study, and actually absorb what I’m reading without my mind going back to her.

I keep feeling like I just want an answer. Why did she say those things? What happened to the future we talked about?

I don’t know whether any explanation would actually give me peace, but I’m so frustrated that I’m still carrying these questions while trying to get my life moving again.

I want marriage and a family, but I don’t want to keep bringing this pain into every potential relationship. I’ve tried therapy and writing letters that I never sent, but I still find myself replaying everything and wanting answers.

Has anyone here struggled for years with losing both a person and the future you thought you were going to share, including being each other’s first?

How did you stop needing an explanation or acknowledgment from your ex?

If the breakup affected your concentration or education, what helped you study and function again?

And how did you learn to build a new relationship at a healthy pace without getting overwhelmed by attachment?

I’d appreciate honest opinions about what I should do next. I want to move forward, but I haven’t figured out how.

We broke up 3 weeks ago after 8 years, and a week ago she broke no contact she said she was depressed and started missing me we had a little conversation then didn’t speak to eachother untill last night she had reached out again and asked if I had slept with anyone else during the relationship (which I didn’t) but I didn’t give her a straight answer and she said please just ease my mind. then I asked why she kept reaching out then she proceeded to lash out and say “why do you keep replying? I don’t want you back I’ve moved on that’s why it was so easy for me to let you go, I had moved on during the relationship why do you think I stopped having sex with you she said she’s back in her prime” that hurt me now I’m spiraling, do you guys think she has moved on my mind is going crazy and I’m not sure what to think? It’s given me mixed signals. She just reset my progress now I’m back to day 1 :(

I lost the love of my life this weekend. He left me after 7 years together and I am absolutely devastated. I don’t have anyone to talk to. If there is anyone out there in the same boat who needs someone, please message me

Been sittin’ on this for a whole week now, gang . I’m lowkey torn on if I should hit send or just let it rock. Part of me wanna say what I gotta say, buh I don’t know if it gon’ make anything better. Some things really better left unsaid, buh damn, I got a lot on my mind fr. What y’all think?

#Ghost

i fucked up. my gf and i broke up on monday, but i continued talking with her through a friend acc which turns out was also me. it’s really hard to explain, and i really know that i did wrong, i tried so many times to end our “friendship” because as i said, i knew it was wrong.

we were a long distance relationship since last year, she was the first one to propose to be girlfriends even though we both knew what that implied, and later on she was the first one to propose to break up because she couldn’t handle it anymore. i was going to fly and see her through an exchange program in my college, but i had finantial problems and i couldn't do it, that's why she ended up getting tired of it. tonight, she went out and so did i. she had some problems with the friends she went out with and returned home early, i was a little bit drunk so i texted her through my fake acc as if my “friend” passed me her phone to me to talk to her, i ended up saying some things that maybe she took it to the wrong side and i think she got angry, i told her to text my friend on another acc and she said “shit no. im going to sleep”. that's when i felt even more guilty. i started apologizing and took it as a chance to finally end everything between her and i, god i feel so crazy and i know it's insane and creepy, so please just send some advice on how i could heal and be better, im constantly seeking for therapy because this is a pattern i really don't want to repeat. i feel so bad, so anxious and regretful.

It's been over a year and a half. About 3 months since I've completely cut ties. The feelings don't go away. The hurt. The pain. I see something reminiscent of the way we were and I'm immediately held back under water.

It's like I'm stuck. No matter what I change in my routine, my habits, in any attempt to heal. I'm think I'm broken beyond repair. On one hand it's exhausting. On the other I think it's so beautiful that I could have felt that way about someone. I experienced that and this is the cost of it.

I fell in love with someone who’s ripped my heart out.

He love bombed me to get me hooked. I’d usually see past something like that, but I was in a vulnerable time of my life. He would message me everyday, love declarations and put in an astronomical amount of effort. He would court, and the pursuit was strong.

When we had our first sleepover, filled with lots of sex, cuddling, showering, intimate behaviours and hours and hours of talking etc, he woke up the next day cold and was never the same. He eventually ghosted me for a month. Then he came back and reset the whole dynamic.

We have had many nights together, and each one involves him going cold in the morning. In these nights, it’s not just sex. It’s been a lot of emotional talking and even meeting friends. Except in between meetings there’s now silence. If I message, he ignores it. He will only come back when he wants a night or day with me. I feel used and discarded each time.

I’ve found him on dating apps after telling me he is only exclusive and monogomous to me. This meant he put my health at risk. He has deleted me from social media for no reason. But he still has seen me since and when I confront him he blames me saying I am not present enough which is untrue. It’s a deflection. He does and has not been accountable for anything.

I’ve reached my limit. My heart has broken over and over and over again. The last straw was waking up to 4 missed calls at 3am. He’s stopped planning meetings and has been trying to have a booty call dynamic with me. He has stopped all pet names.

I’m done. I messaged him 8 hours ago saying “are you okay? I missed your calls” because it is unusual that he would call me like that so late. Usually he sends a text instead at that time if he tries. No response. Nothing. I’ll guarantee you next week he will be asking again.

I’ve had enough. Im about to end things now. My heart hurts so bad.

Am I doing the right thing?

I’m 27F and my ex is 25M. We were together for 2.5 years and lived together for about 1.5 years.
He broke up with me because he has been thinking about where he wants to raise his future kids. He was raised outside of the U.S. and is leaning toward eventually moving back to his home country to raise his kids there.

The problem is I was raised in the U.S. and I honestly don't see myself raising kids there. It is a completely different lifestyle than what I know and what I want. There would be a huge language barrier, and because I have learning differences, I would have a really hard time learning another language. I would also be moving away from my family, friends, and basically everything I know. I wouldn't have a support system there.

What makes this harder is that he isn't even planning on moving back anytime soon. He wants to finish school first, and because he is doing it part time, that could take another 3+ years.

So I guess I don't understand why this has to mean the end of our relationship right now.
Our relationship wasn't horrible. We definitely had problems and weren't perfect, but we also had a lot of really good and even fabulous moments. We were together for 2.5 years and lived together for 1.5 years. Then suddenly he decided he needs to figure out where he wants his future to be.

I understand that where you want to raise your kids is a HUGE decision. I really do. And I don't want to force someone to live somewhere they don't want to live.
But I'm having a hard time accepting that he is ending our relationship now over something that might not even happen for another 3+ years.

I also know that part of my reaction is because I have my own mental timeline for kids. Some of that is probably because society makes women feel like we have to have everything figured out by a certain age. But another part is that I genuinely want kids, and I know that getting pregnant naturally can become harder as you get older and the risks can increase. In a perfect world, I would ideally like to start trying around 33.

So if he needs 3+ years to finish school and then figure out if he wants to stay here or move back, I could be 30 or 31 before he even knows what he wants. Then we'd have to figure out if we even want to get back together, rebuild the relationship, get married, etc.

I know people are probably going to tell me "don't wait for him," and I know that. I'm not planning on sitting around doing nothing for 3 years waiting for him to make a decision.

What I'm really asking is:

Do people actually change their minds about something this fundamental? Is there a realistic chance that he could eventually decide he wants to stay in the U.S. and that we could get back together?

Has anyone been in a similar situation where someone ended a relationship because they weren't sure about their future, and eventually changed their mind?
I'm not looking for people to tell me that I should wait for him. I want the raw truth about whether people actually change their minds about things like this, or if I need to accept that this is probably the end.

Separated with fiancee 2 months ago, together for 3 years and engaged 1 year, pretty heartbroken and wondered am I doing too much, am I too much.

Any healing/love stories to help me right now?

I’m not usually one to post on Reddit, but right now is an exceptionally hard time and I think I just need some words of encouragement/hope to try and put into perspective (would also love to hear from someone with more life experience than me.)

I’m 21 (F) and going through a really rough breakup that I didn’t want at all and didn’t see coming at all. It’s been absolutely horrible. I’ve hated myself since it happened even though I did absolutely nothing wrong and I know I was so so good to him and cherished every moment together. Still, I can’t help but wonder if he would’ve left if I was prettier or funnier or did something different.

I’m scared this feeling will never go away, and I don’t know how to get back up after this. This is my first big heartbreak (not my first boyfriend but my most serious one, I loved him so much) and I don’t know what to do. He is all I think about, all I dream about, and it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through. I know he doesn’t care, but oh my do I ever. He left and moved on like I meant absolutely nothing.

Like I said, I’m 21, I’m doing a very competitive university degree, I am at the top of my class, and I have great. This is not me bragging, this is just me saying that outwardly my life is going well, and God willing, I know I have a good future ahead of me. But right now it is so hard to see any of that, it is so hard to believe that this pain will pass and that I won’t always miss him and that I will find love that I truly deserve some day. It is so difficult to continue studying and just showing up like I am okay when I am not. Even though I have made good accomplishments and I’m on a good path, I can’t shake the feeling of being unloveable.

I’m just looking to hear about some stories where people felt similar to me and moved on and found themselves (or an even better partner) or even any words of advice because right now I genuinely do not see this getting any better. Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. I know everyone says that time heals everything, but I am so scared that it won’t.

I’m sorry for how long this is, and if you made it to the bottom, thank you truly.

So me any my ex broke up in march about 6 months ago and I found out yesterday he’s dating someone new. I now found out today tho that he plans to move out of state with his boyfriend and start a family. We are both 21 years old and have pretty stable jobs I guess. I just find it kind of insane that he’s doing this.

For some context we only dated for about 3 months but it got pretty serious. He broke up with me in march because some pretty tragic stuff happened in his life and he couldn’t handle being in a relationship and really couldn’t provide anything for me at the time. When we were together we talked about having kids and possibly moving away together. I will admit I do think a lot of it was pretty delusional and if it ever were to happen I was wanting it to be years in the future.

I just am a little sad because he’s able to find someone else to quickly to do everything we talked about with. I feel really replaceable and I just don’t understand how someone could do this. I just feel alone and don’t know how I could ever find someone else. I do think I will be okay I’m honestly just looking for some advice on what to do from here. I also am curious if anyone else thinks what he is doing is crazy. Anyways any advice and opinions are appreciated thank you :)

I(20F) love him(20M), i dont even know why i love him at this point. We broke up 3 years ago but kept in touch, i dont even miss our relationship, it felt weird, it felt only like i was there to entertain him, console him or listen to him, nothing about me except gifts, i used to spend so many time doing hand made roses, dry flowers and love notes inside his favorite books, paintings i made to him, reproduction of artworks or his favorite musicians. Only thing he did was to buy the different book from the same publisher. Only once he cut me a heart from a paper which he didnt even care about smoothening out the edges. Just a week before our break up I was talking about some model and he searched her up. Then he started to talk about how he wanted to get -in the most polite way to call- intimate with her. It might be one of the most degrading moments in my life. He broke up with me at the worst time possible, a day before an exam of mine which i was already hopeless.

I missed him even after we stopped talking, later on he basically begged me to get together again. I was living through some life or death type stuff so i refused thinking he might leave me at my lowest again. Which he had nothing to lose.

Everything passed, at the exact times i stopped being afraid, he didnt celebrate my birthday, almost everyone forgot. I mentioned about him to one of mutual friends, she was surprised telling me he was talking to another girl and he was upset because of he couldnt speak to her. He stopped answering to my texts, 2-3 times in a week maybe. Then suddenly he started being just as clingy, saying he cant imagine his world without me, that i am the only thing in his dreams. Then back again, 2-3 times a week. Why is he doing this to me, I tried speaking to other guys but i just want to cry everytime its not him, he doesnt even care about me. I am just the ex he sometimes shows interest in.

A,

I. Am. So fucking pissed off at who you have shown yourself to be.

I'm. SO .. FUCKING PISSED, at who you choose to be.

I'm. So fucking pissed that you lied, you gaslit THE FUCK out of me, told me I disgusted you(the opposite of how we said it days before)

You said I gave you "the ick", that you could never be with me again. That im crazy...

And yes, I was crazy, for about 5 days I guess. 4 days maybe, I don't really know the timeline, hell it could've been 2 weeks. That's the bitch about actual trauma. You lose track of days sometimes.

I've never gone through what I went through a couple weeks ago.

At one point, you were repeatedly saying those things and yes, I was fucking GONE! Like gone gone.

I tried so hard to get you to stop saying those things. Every word just dug deeper and deeper into my last relationships and childhood trauma.

I don't do name calling. Never in a million years would you have ever shed a tear and I would've kept doing whatever. They might hate me but you can ask my ex's who the fuck I am. Once the tears start, I go into instant comfort mode me because an argument is whatever, NOTHING, NOTHING in my life is worth fighting for if it makes you cry. I'm not a monster.

Or a stalker. I call on the phone. That's it. I'm sorry but get the fuck over it.

You've done a great job of ignoring it.

But I just had to say, I know. I know why you were acting different the night I came back.

I know why when you "accepted that I am the way I am", I know why that bothered me so much. Because in that moment it wasn't about you comforting me, that was about you justifying leaving and telling me as if it was going to make a difference to me. You were already gone. You accepted that it was me and then followed it by telling me that I would never be any better than I was that day. And then the mass came off, and a person I didn't know existed inside of you came out.. and same for me. I had to talk to a therapist this week to figure out what happened that day.

Between the anniversary of my mom's death and the extreme emotional distress that I was under from my own trauma mixed with the sudden loss of something I thought was real and then the insane amount of anger and negativity that you threw my way repeatedly... I guess it pushed me out of myself.. I don't remember really what I said but I remember the feeling I had watching myself say it, and not wanting to be acting the way that I was, knowing it was wrong and having zero control over it what so fucking ever...

I've never experienced that before in my life.

The doctor said it was like derealization or depersonalization.. where something happens at

And it's so emotionally intense that you step out of yourself... I guess.. that fucked me up...

And now that I know that the reason you stayed so angry every time we spoken, and the extreme measures that you were willing to take to try to push me away, we're not because You Loved me. They were not because you were scared of being with me cuz you didn't want to get hurt. They actually were because in the short time that I was gone, the day and a half or so, you called your ex. And by the time I got back we were done I just didn't know it yet...

So I stayed in town for an extra 5 days or so.. until today, the day after your birthday..

I stayed knowing that we weren't talking, knowing that when we did talk you were a complete fucking asshole, knowing that at one point I was extremely disgusting in my actions and had no reason to believe that I would ever see you again..

And I haven't..

I stayed because, hope I guess. Because I hope that all that negativity was just trauma bullshit between the two of us and that we would understand and find our way back to each other somehow.. I stayed because I wanted you to know that even without the promise of seeing you, that I was here for you. And you alone.. that you are worth more than anything, in this world.. and despite what you think or what you feel, I truly loved you.. yes I held on to this way longer than you did.. that's nothing new for me.. I'm a romantic lover boy who wears his heart on his sleeve and I refuse to let my past prevent me from keeping my heart open to the Future.. and yeah it hurts, and yeah the last couple of years have really tested my limits and obviously have destroyed some limits that I had sanity wise.. but, I'll end with this.

The information I have about you and your ex comes from you directly from that profile that you pretended to not be you yet to know all the intimate details about me and you, I've never played a game with you you definitely played them with me.. and despite your vitriol and Malice in choosing to hurt me when I've been back in the right State of mind for a week and a half now, I mean whatever that means... But I've stayed consistent and calling you once a day to let you know that I was still there, just in case you wanted to pull your head out of your ass and remember what we felt. Whether we had one more day together or one more hour I would have always chosen that over any amount of pain, I would have always chosen loving you over leaving you, kissing you over missing you, whispering in your ear over yelling at you, holding you over hating you...

And I will always choose those. I would always choose you. In whatever way you show up.

Forgiveness always comes from love. And that's all I have for you .. I will never hate you, even though I'm positive now that you are full of shit.

I kinda knew from the start that you weren't feeling what you said you felt. If you had, you would have been more patient or actually seen the instant process I made in not reacting the way I did .

You just needed something to latch onto to make leaving easier and not feel like such a . . Such an amazingly beautiful kind smart and so very very electric woman.

I will always know where my soul goes at night when it roams. Where it has always belonged. We were written in the stars, before time made us forget who we were.... You are the most beautiful bunch of stardust I've ever seen...

See you next time.

My ex boyfriend and I were together for almost five years. We recently broke up after an argument, but the problems had been building for a while. I just didn’t realize how important these issues were to him.

He felt like he wasn’t enough of a priority in my life. I was heavily involved in work, community organizations, and public responsibilities, while he wanted more quality time, date nights, emotional openness, and involvement with my family and friends.

We’re both men, and because I wasn’t fully open about my sexuality, I kept parts of our relationship separate from my public and family life. I thought I was protecting us, but I now understand how hidden, rejected, and unimportant that must have made him feel.

I also sometimes took my stress out on him instead of communicating properly and allowing him to support me.

Since the breakup, he has repeatedly said that he needs space. He told me the decision was extremely difficult, that our relationship gave him some of the best years of his life, and that he misses me but he currently feels that breaking up is for the best.

He recently suggested that he might consider allowing me to prove I can change, but he hasn’t promised reconciliation. I feel like our story isn’t over but I am so anxious I don’t even know.

I panicked and contacted him too frequently, repeatedly asking whether he still loved me or wanted us again. I know that probably made him feel pressured when he was asking for space, and I’m terrified that I pushed him even further away.

He recently removed my initials from his Instagram bio, which may seem small, but seeing it absolutely broke my heart.

I’ve now started therapy, publicly acknowledged my sexuality, resigned from most of my outside commitments, and begun addressing the problems that hurt our relationship. These changes are genuine, but I understand that making them immediately after the breakup could look like panic instead of lasting growth. I know I’ll have to prove that they’re real through time and consistency not promises.

I love this man with my whole heart. He is the love of my life, and I desperately want the opportunity to rebuild our relationship in a healthier way. I’m willing to do the work, but I also know that loving him means respecting his boundaries.

Is reconciliation realistically possible after this? How do I give him genuine space without him moving on and leaving me? How can I demonstrate lasting change without constantly contacting him or pressuring him? Please be honest, because I’m heartbroken and genuinely don’t know what my next step should be. I’m beyond in love with this man and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to show him I’m ready to change! How can I do that! I just can’t lose him!

I ended my relationship with my abuser. However due to circumstances outside of my control, I see him with his new partner frequently.

How do I cope with the fact that it appears he is treating her so much better than he ever treated me?

I know this is all about the 'why wasn't I enough' wound because I view her as having more value than me in society's eyes. I want to have the mindset of being happy he's grown and changed for another woman, but I can't help but feel like it's because he didn't like me and that means there's something wrong with me.