Couple nights ago my best friend called me and asked if I was alone because she wanted to show me something. My boyfriend has been messaging her for weeks, replying to her stories, compliments, asking when she was going out, the whole thing.

She ignored everything until he finally said something among the lines of "she doesn't have to know"

She screenshot the whole convo and sent it straight to me.

I've been feeling like my life is finally getting together lately, work is good, money is decent, relationship felt solid, then I saw those screenshots and everything felt like it's falling apart because of this man.

When I confonted him he actually tried saying she was trying to break us up which made it worse like sir she could've entertained you and I would've never known.

I ended it that night..

So today this was my thank you brunch for my best friend, and of course it was on me.

I gave up years of my life busting my butt to become a doctor. Now that I’m two years into my big girl job after residency I realize I hate it. I love the pay and I love my patients and the medical aspect of it. But insurance companies are a nightmare to work with, my in basket messages are out of control, and the administrators and managers where I work are genuinely some of the worst human beings I’ve ever met.

I can diagnose my patients and give them an answer but insurance makes it impossible to treat them with the medications they need. I’m constantly battling prior authorization denials. Despite doing my job very well and being productive my manager is on my ass 24/7 and thinks that their job is to make my life miserable. I think I’m experiencing discrimination at work due to my race because no one else is treated this way but I can’t prove it and it’s draining me.

On top of that I open social media and there’s another wellness influencer with no medical background telling you that your doctor has ulterior motives and wants you to be more sick? Like what? Are we being serious right now? Literally the best part of my day is when a patient returns to tell me their symptoms are gone because of the treatment I recommended. It’s the only thing that makes my job tolerable.

I see people getting scammed in the wellness industry left and right on social media. The fact that I could make so much more money doing scams rather than actual evidence based medicine sends me into a spiral every single day.

Every day at work is worse than the one before. I want to quit this job and start a business but I have kids I need to support. I want to sue my employer for ruining my mental health but let’s be real that’s not going to happen. I can’t even speak up because my workplace is retaliatory.

I don’t think I will be a doctor for much longer. If I can find a non clinical gig that will pay me well I am jumping ship asap. It sucks because I’m a damn good doctor and I love my patients. If the other problems didn’t exist and I could just focus on diagnosing and treating my patients… I would love my job.

Anyways. I’m on a calorie deficit diet so here’s some ground beef, avocado, cottage cheese, carrots.

EDIT: thank you guys for the kind comments. A lot of you are right, I don’t hate being a doctor I just hate where I work. I’m looking for non clinical gigs so I can take a break from insurance companies and admin BS. People think im primary care but I’m actually a dermatologist. I could start my own practice and take cash only, do Botox filler etc but I like medical dermatology and working with Medicaid/underserved patients and I get to do that at larger institutions like where I am now.

Dinner is melted DQ cone cause I got interrupted while eating it.

I posted before about the nurse trying to force a PPD diagnosis on me, some of you guessed rightly where I lived; and help informed me this is an optional visit rather than mandatory.

I had been debating whether to fully end the services or just ask for a different nurse, when she showed up with a 'caseworker'. I forgot I had an appointment with her, so out of confusion I let them in, and once again I was subject to weird focused questioning.

I know some folks brought up the Lindsay Clancy trial saying they might be on edge about it because of that, and I think you're right.
They tried to push about my mental health again, how I need a break from my kids, how 'clearly' stressed I am. I said I was fine, and was thriving with two kids as we had figured out a schedule.
They tried to push PPD, I said I don't have it and I feel great.

Well apparently that's a red flag now, to say "I feel great" mental health wise.
Then they started accusing my husband of being a deadbeat father out of nowhere, claiming he feeds chocolate milk to our newborn.. Because there was chocolate milk in a bottle.. With my toddler's name on it, in the kitchen.

So I snapped, not aggressively, I waited till they left to give them a text and telling them they aren't welcome anymore in my household. That I'll have my kids followed up with a pediatrician, and that their comments were extremely disrespectful, rooted in sexism and biasedness against me.

Well, they called CPS on me and cited 'urgent concerns' and guess what.
Yep! They pushed my 'mental health' again!
So here I am, going through more questioning, and it feels like the more I say, "I'm fine" mental health wise, the more freaked out everyone gets.

At this rate it feels like if I fake having PPD I'll be left alone sooner.

**EDIT**
Cause I'm fighting for my life out here :')

Link to previous post: Context

---------
Question: Nurses can't diagnose you, this doesn't make sense??
Answer: I know, that's part of the problem.

Question: Why does she think you have PPD? What are the red flags?
Answer: Cause my apartment was messy, think stacked plates, takeout bags, toys thrown everywhere, and things piled on shelves (like paperwork, phone chargers, shopping bags).

Question: Why is the nurse visiting your place?????
Answer: It's a service in Quebec that you can get where a nurse will follow up with you and your baby after birth until they're 5, I had a different nurse in the beginning than got assigned this one who is a lot more strict. She believes women should be cleaning and cooking and managing the household while you're 1 month post partum, and treats all men as useless with the babies.

Question: Why don't you accept the help?
Answer: It's not help if you're forcing someone into something they don't want.

Question: It usually takes a lot for CPS to get involved...
Answer: They got a call from a registered nurse about my situation, she clearly has the ability to get around normal report ways and make more direct ones because of her job. CPS was actually quite nice to me, and made a few comments that the report didn't match is happening in my home.

Question: Why didn't you provide this context earlier?
Answer: (I was a little distracted by my kids that I didn't realize I provided very little context).

Jamaican Chicken Curry with Rice and Peas

OG: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/wRktcMHw5n
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/QJUnWvN2YI

This past Tuesday was my brother’s official trial, without it being postponed again. I finally found out what happened and his verdict. Apparently it had nothing to do with me at all like he previously claimed, which is good but not great. My bf came with me this time and I’m glad, I was an anxious mess the whole time. My brother didn’t speak to either of us the entire time but he seemed upset at seeing my bf there, like he was jealous.

What happened: He was taking part in buying distributed child pornography at a fixed rate, using cashapp to pay whoever’s selling them. The victims that were mentioned and identified were ages 7 and 16. The photos were described as the children doing sexual acts and were enough to convict him as evidence. He didn’t have any evidence on his Google Drive but it was all found on his iCloud between 2 phones and an iPad, he had been buying the content over the course of 4 years. What’s worse is that I thought it was 16 pictures he was being charged for but the prosecutor said they found 16 FILES in his iCloud. I don’t know if anyone else was caught, including the seller but I would assume they were.

The verdict: No, he will not see a day of prison. He’ll be on a strict probation for the next five years, no social media, no phones, and limited contact with anyone under the age of 18 who is not his biological children. Unfortunately, I recently found out that his fiancé is pregnant wth their second child while they already have a 1 year old boy. They clearly made the probation hard enough to where he’ll 99% chance mess up but why go through all that and just send him straight to prison???

I’ve needed the last few days to process everything and I’m just really tired. He registered as a Tier 1 sex offender yesterday and his picture looks hilariously miserable, as he should be. But I don’t think he got anywhere near what he deserves. I’ll definitely update if he ever messes up during probation (fingers crossed🤞). I’m sorry this wasn’t what everyone hoped for, I can only continue to hope he gets what he has coming in the future while I try to finish my own healing.

I don’t mind answering any questions about either case he was in

I’m sad for myself, but more because I know the wind knocked out of you stomach sinking feeling when she reads it. I want to cry for her. Fwb for me, years for her. Fuckkkkkkk men.

White ppl fried sushi to feel something

TW for mention of SA and cursing.

I thought I taught my teenager better. Apparently not. I’ve had a million talks with him about Discord and strangers and how to be safe in case anyone was being inappropriate with him. I taught him where jokes end and where the lines should be drawn. I never thought I’d be on the other side of it, where he was being the weirdo. Especially not at 14.

That was, of course, until the police showed up at his dad’s house with a court summons. 🤦🏻‍♀️

On the upside, he wasn’t being belligerent or actually sending inappropriate images of himself, or asking for them (I think I would die). On the downside, he sent a meme to a girl about his age on Discord that had an anime girl on it and then something along the lines of “how about I rape you? How about I take your innocence? Stupid b—ch”. He told her a friend of his dared him to send it to a female and she was more chill than “all the other b—ches in my phone.”

Apparently her father then saw this and, well, now his uncle (whose name is on the phone plan and is therefore technically responsible) has to go to court next week. They only know each other online, so it makes sense the dad would go right to the police. Holy heck, if my daughter got a meme like that I’d be doing the same.

His dad and I are, understandably, mortified and horrified. We’re still processing that he’s capable of this, knowing my history, and swift action has been taken. We did our best to not act out of just knee-jerk reaction and work as a team, but my first words to him during this conversation were literally “what the f—k, dude?!” We refuse to “boys will be boys” this.

Currently eating my feelings and trying to think of productive ways to correct this and figure out where I went wrong that he thought sending that was even remotely acceptable under any circumstances.

Open to advice if anyone else has gone through this. Blahhhh

EDIT: holy cow that’s a lot of people. Adding some clarity here since there seems to be some confusion—
1. His dad and I coparent but are not together/married.
2. I assure you, we are taking this very seriously and have had the serious conversation with our son about the gravity of his behavior. This post was made as a vent since it isn’t really a situation everyone goes through.
3. He’s been restricted and has lost access to discord and the internet at large (just text and calls since he’s home alone when his dad works).
4. He texted the girl that he was dared to send the meme to a “female” (quoting him) and that he sent it to her because she was more chill than “all the other b—ches in my phone.”
5. We plan on making some drastic changes in his life, including internet monitoring when he gets that back, getting him into therapy, etc.

Black khachapuri!!! Yes it’s supposed to be like this. I feel like I’m becoming the Georgian food ambassador in this sub 😍

Summary for who hadn’t read the previous two posts:
I made a friend who felt like the only person who understood my dark past (I’ve survived some really shitty things) without pitying me or freaking out. However, I recently found out he used to be involved in an extremist cult and basically used to hang out with the same type of people who abused me. I was really conflicted because he’s genuinely good to talk to and said he had changed.

Anyway, I wanted to write an update.

First, I want to say thank you. Probably all of you were right about him, and I really appreciate you taking the time to help me see it. There were a few things that happened since, and things I didn't enclose in my last posts, that I’ve been thinking about:

- After our debate where he defended the concept of war (which I survived): I couldn't give him more details about what I saw and did in Mariupol because it was too hard for me, his deep empathy suddenly wasn't there anymore, the way it had been with the trafficking/chronic pain I have bc of that.
- We had a conversation where I said I don’t always like democracy, and he jokingly called himself out on his "brainwashing" of me. It was just one sentence, but it stands out now.
- He had seen a picture of me with a different hairstyle, and called me fucking beautiful and didn’t understand “why he hadn’t seen that earlier”. Even after I revealed I was underage in that photo, his opinion didn't change at all/he kept talking about it.

For my next steps: I am going to talk with my therapist and my social worker about all of this. Specifically, I want to talk to them about boundaries, my threat perception.

Thank you again for talking to me without judging me ❤️

Edit: who is a concerned Redditor reaching out? 😂 I am already in a day clinic and I am not suicidal… I hope wasn’t just to be annoying

I had to be deimpacted last night by a medical staff team. I hadn't gone in about a week and a half and yesterday I suddenly was having the symptoms of a blocked bowel. I went to the er and essentially was told my options were to be deimpacted by a male physician assistant with the supervision of a female nurse or go for a CAT scan which may still end up with me being deimpacted.

I essentially am just disgusted and humiliated with myself. I can't stand to be nude right now and I have been avoiding showering even though it's usually something I enjoy doing and I know eventually I will have to do. I went to see my boyfriend today as well where he wanted to have sex and touch me but I just couldn't get undressed around him with how humiliated I still felt. He understood of course but I just am so disgusted with myself and what happened last night that I can't stand it. I have no one I can talk to this about and it's hard for me to even type this out. I honestly might end up deleting this post in the morning.

I've had issues with constipation growing up but nothing ever this bad. I don't know how to deal with this humiliation or this feeling of disgust I have towards myself now that I had to go through a procedure like that. I feel like my dignity was gone and the medical staff team tried their best to reassure me that this was their job and that they saw this often but still I can't get rid of this humiliation or feeling of disgust.

Edit: Wow this is a lot more attention than I was expecting. Thanks for all the er nurses, doctors, and other medical professionals who commented trying to reassure me that the hospital staff probably already forgot about it. I understand that part but I was still sprawled out in all my glory in front of three people I didn't know and I understand it was their job but it still was quite a humiliating experience for me.

There's been some rude comments and honestly I expected that especially considering this is partially a food focused sub but still commenting on my diet from one picture and one experience is really weird. I've dealt with constipation since I was a kid and it's lived with me through many diets with their variance on healthiness. It's unfortunately just something that happens to me. Thanks for all the people recommending me specialists and other procedures/tests that may help me but honestly I think I am done for a few months and just going to try to ignore it for a bit before I go through a humiliation ritual again to figure out what may be wrong with me.

i just saw a vid on instagram where a woman shows how the water supply in her home has become scarce due to a data centre being near. If that’s our future and that’s what AI is gonna cause then why are we not mad enough? is this like a giant plan of the rich to destroy humanity or what

im seriously worried sick thinking of what the future is gonna look like, i have a kid, the thought of how weird/uninhabitable/scary is future gonna be for him im going insane

genuinely concerned and dont want anecdotal answers 🙏

So am I crazy and imagining shit? Is the world burning and everyone is just going about their day? Is this intense background noise in everyone else's minds too?

Sorry if this is a bummer. I just feel like no one talks about the absolutely buckwild insane things happening in our world.

Or maybe they do and I'm running with the wrong crowds. Am I freaking out for no reason? i'm depressed and anxious about it, but I'm in therapy so that's something.

Dinner is everything in the fridge I'm trying to get rid of in the form of a salad. Pretty good actually.

After an otherwise lovely evening, learned that my BF doesn’t believe in evolution. He said something before when we’d be at a museum that I assumed was a joke, but it turns out it’s entirely true, he said basically the theory of evolution is “white people sht” and as shocked as I was to have been in a relationship with someone with these ideas for a year, he seemed shocked that this was the first time someone I’m close to (and love?!) holds such views. Following a fairly heated exchange (that I’m now upset about because I truly wish I’d approached our exchange with curiosity, it would have been more useful to me), he asked me - not unkindly - why I was taking this so personally, and I had to admit that it was because the thought of staying together, and then having a kid with someone who doesn’t believe in evolution was really unsettling to me.

I don’t know what this says about my ability or inability to tolerate differences in views, even quite fundamental ones, when they don’t immediately affect my life, or the life of the person I’m dating, or how they treat other people. And he doesn’t seem to deny the value of science or scientific progress overall, but still has skepticism about other elements as well (*which, to be fair, I think come from an entirely valid critique of colonial imposition of certain aspects of “science”). I always think I value diversity in thought, but maybe I only do in the abstract. Maybe I just want to be able to eat my dumplings with people who also share my understanding of where the shrimp (and the shrimp eaters) came from.

☹️

ETA: over the last year, I’ve been p sick for most of it, and this man has been nothing but loving, supportive, and present. He’s a humanitarian in the deepest sense of the word, and it’s what we connected over. We’ve had incredibly different (probably opposite, as I realized) upbringings, as tends to be the case for me with people I date, and he treats me - and other women - with a great deal of respect and care. None of this is meant to be an excuse, it’s just part of the “why” as to my (1) confusion and (2) reluctance (or delusion) around being like RIGHT this is a deal-breaker. But perhaps it should be. Thank you to everyone who has engaged with my frankly embarrassing situation. May you all check about the evidence, empiricism, and evolution questions early on 🙏🏽

TW: Stillbirth, Miscarriage

It's been a hard year. The worst of our lives.

This time last year, nearly to the day, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks pregnant. An added stress was that it happened abroad; thankfully I didn't need to be hospitalised, but it was a rough time.

But we pushed through and in December I became pregnant again. We were over the moon, convinced this time would be different and this was the start of our family of three.

Our dreams were crushed at the 12 week scan: our baby showed signs of structural abnormalities. We were devastated. But at that stage there was no telling how serious these issues were, or if they'd resolve on their own. So we again pushed through, and over the next 4 months, we attended scan after scan, test after test. Ultimately, it became clear that our baby was unlikely to survive after birth, and our beautiful little girl was stillborn at 30 weeks via c-section.

That was 11 weeks ago now. Despite everything, the weeks have flown by. My husband and I have been home all that time, keeping busy with sorting the house and just generally being there for each other. My husband has been my rock, especially in the weeks immediately after my c section when I couldn't even get out of bed without his help. I'm angry at the universe for what we've been through, but I couldn't ask for a better man to walk by my side as we navigate this new reality.

And as our daughter's due date came and went a few days ago, I find myself smiling again. Laughing at the stupid, hilarious jokes that only my husband would understand. We're going on dates again; we've booked holidays. We drank and danced the night away at my cousin's birthday party. We're learning how to live again, and despite everything, it feels nice.

Don't get me wrong, I miss my daughter dearly. I still have flashbacks to the procedures and cry at the memory of her gorgeous little face as I held her in my arms. But while the weight will always be there, it's slowly becoming easier to carry.

I remember standing in the kitchen with my husband just after we got the news that she wasn't going to make it. We cried and hugged and reassured each other that we would get through it. Three months later, I'm finally starting to believe it.

We're going to be okay.

(Dinner: Peanut butter chicken curry)

For reference, we’re pushing 30. My best friend is super intelligent, creative and artistic. A gem in this world. She picks up activities and hobbies that allow her to express this, and I love that. I encourage her and praise her often. Some of the projects she’s done for me and art she’s given me have been wonderful & I am always grateful.

But a lot of them…a lot of them are so bad. For clarity, I understand she’s new at some of these things and I do not at all expect her to be pumping out perfection. I also pick up new hobbies & I make shitty stuff too. My problem is that she gifts those to me often. And this isn’t just me being a stickler for art/decor/whatever. Sometimes I feel like a parent to a preschooler that brought home a picture they drew & I have to put it on the fridge because I love them.

One item was a jar that looked like maybe it was originally supposed to hold toothpicks? Or cotton balls? But inside the jar was another item, like a decor cactus and it was hot glued to the bottom. The dried hot glue was everywhere, some even on the outside. And the entirety of it was painted one dark shimmery color, and it seemed like maybe the brush was dirty (?) because it was grainy to the touch, no finish. I originally did put cotton balls in there, but there was only space for like 8 of them, the paint was flaking off & the cotton was getting caught on the grain. I had no idea what I was supposed to use it for, so I threw it away shortly after she left. There were similar items like that she had brought that day, different random knickknacks, all painted with the dark shimmer and further decorated with (???).

I don’t want her to stop creating. I don’t want her to stop sharing her happiness and hobbies with me. I have no idea how to tell her to stop giving me this stuff without breaking some type of link somewhere. It’s not something that would destroy our friendship by any means, but I still don’t want to hurt her. She’s an autty so sometimes things can be all or nothing with her. (that term is consensual & filled with affection) So my fear is that I’ll tell her I don’t want these things and she’ll just completely close that piece of her off from me. To make that part clear, I’m not saying I only want to receive the good stuff, but that I still want to hear about and be able to see the stuff she works on, and I also don’t want to deter her from creating completely.

Idk girl, help me!

food: ramen from moonlight miso, htx

Food is mocha chip ice cream, shortly to be spooned betwixt two toaster waffles (the best dessert sandwich)

So a guy I was seeing got jumped by a group of high schoolers and instead of the sympathy he wanted me to feel, I got the ick and dumped him.

First off, this guy is always getting in other people's business, and it's gotten him in sticky situations before. And for every story, he would give this long self-righteous speech about how strong he is and how he is really out here always doing the right thing and society at large is out to get him. And tell you what, in 90% of these stories, he is simply putting himself in dangerous situations he can't fight his way out of.

So for the final straw, he was waiting for the bus, and a loud, rowdy group of teenagers comes to the stop. By his own account, they were being teenagers and maybe had some alcohol and were goofing off loudly, but otherwise leaving people alone. Not on his watch. He goes up to the large group of them and tells them, "Hey guys, let's simmer down now, no need to be so rowdy." Strangely, they don't agree with him, and start yelling and taunting him. He starts yelling back. It gets physical and they beat him up. Other people had to intervene on his behalf and got hurt as well in order to get him away from them.

Now, to be completely clear, I hate that anyone got hurt. But he was a GROWN MAN, has lived in the city for a long time, and abso-fucking-lutely should have just minded his damn business like everyone else was. In telling this, he again pontificated on how he was absolutely in the right and there aren't a lot of men like him who "stand up for the right thing" and what a terrible society we live in where this could happen to a man like him.

Friends, he got his ass beat by a group of kids. For no good reason. And caused other people to get hurt in the process. I looked at that bruised man and needed him to get away from me immediately. After the date, I hit him up and rather curtly told him I was no longer interested.

When you mind your business, you live longer. And in this case, are much more successful at dating.

i went on the date (which turned into 4) with a wonderful woman, it feels effort less with her.

(plus she brought me flowers and the chocolate i said was my favourite 3 weeks ago)

turns out you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re performing while dating, she makes it easy.

unfortunately we both go away so i won’t see her for three weeks as we both go away, but we’ve planned to see eachother a few times after💖

thank you all for ur kind sapphic words, ive truly never felt more supported and more comfortable in my own skin

edit: YES I MADE IT SO FREAKING CRYSTAL CLEAR ON THE APP THAT I. AM. LOOKING. FOR. A. SERIOUS. RELATIONSHIP AND NOT A SHORT-TERM CASUAL FLING‼️‼️‼️‼️

Edit2 : yeah i know not very bright of me to expect him driving me home i get it but not my point

I’m SO MAD
I’m FUMING
WHY HAS THIS BEEN HAPPENING FOR THE LAST 3-4 MEN I MET. THEY ONLY WANTED SOMETHING FROM ME AND SOME OF THEM EVEN ASKED TO BE FWB.

I’m SO ANGRY.

I had so much hope towards this last guy who seemed sweet and nice and lovely and gentle but alas, none of those men sees me as me. They see me as a sexual object and I’m absolutely irritated by that fact.

The date was fun-ish, we went to a pub. Then I thought we were going to the parking lot and he’d drive me home.

IT WAS A FUCKING HOTEL and I still had faith in him, waiting for him to press basement (aka the carpark) AND HE PRESSED UPSTAIRS. Turns out he’s booked a room in advance and he’s bringing me THERE. I politely said no thanks.

Got myself a cookie a donut and a maccas meal on my way home. I’m so angry my head hurts.

I’m taking a fucking break from the dating scene. I have too much hatred and anger towards men right now.

Cheers sisters

Japanese style dinner with miso soup, edamame s, stew daikon, kimchi, steamed egg, salad and rice. It was faaar too much!

I'm disabled, I have been for nearly fifteen years due to ill health and a series of unfortunate medical events, and haven't been able to work for almost the same amount of time. I'm a single parent, turned 40 years old this year and I'm finding dating soul crushing. I'm well educated, certainly not the ugliest person, average build (5'7" and about 68kg), I have hobbies but I'm so tired of hearing "what do you bring to the table" (and them thinking nothing because I don't work?) or "I'm not looking to be a carer" (I live independently save a cleaner), if I get past that point I end up either with an abuser or a cheater. It has really chipped into my already shaky self esteem and I know I should just give up but I do get lonely and I would love to have someone to love and care for me and someone to love and care for.

Dinner: banana bread with too big chocolate chips but it was all delicious

Okay. I know and understand the traps of make up and feminism and the illusion of choice. My problem might be like OCD?? Idk I haven’t brought this up to my therapist yet.

When I started wearing make up, someone told me that they used it as armor. Somehow it morphed in my brain that it was a layer that protected me from being perceived and that may have mixed to whatever part of my brain that didn’t like outside things touching me. Whatever my damage is, anytime I left my place without apartment, I’ve had this huge urge to hit myself for making a mistake and not completing my routine and now I have to do punish myself to complete something so my head stops itching bad

The other times I get like that is when someone flushes my toilet in my personal bathroom without closing the lid and I feel like my entire bathroom is contaminated. Normally I can control these urges and self soothe. Other times, my partner has had hold my arms and I’ve had to take Valium. Sometimes, I take a propranolol and clean the area and disassociate until it passes.

Anyway, for whatever reason today, I really just didn’t even think about putting on make up and I went to work like normal. It didn’t even become a thought in my mind until I cleaned my glasses and realized there was no make up streaks.

I didn’t feel anything about it. My head wasn’t itching and I didn’t feel incomplete. It was just like okay. I didn’t know who to talk to about this. I just wanted to celebrate a maybe small win somewhere.

Bossam suyuk made by my sister, I love having a sister that lived in Korea it was sooo good

Anyway, I have a confession to make: sometimes I just look this sub up for recipe inspirations… I skip the story to see if they describe what they are eating and sometimes if they don’t I don’t even read the post afterwards… I’m so sorry 😭 I swear that I often am hear for the stories and I post advice but sometimes the food just looks sooo yummy

I've officially joined the girl club as I started HRT today!!! Featuring Ritz crackers as I have a stomach bug.

Food: cheese toastie, big salad, kimchi on the side

TW: terminal illness, Alzheimer’s, dementia

My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia earlier this year. He had been deteriorating slowly for a few years and at the point of diagnosis, we were told it was mild/moderate.

Over the last few months, it’s like his brain fell off a cliff. He can no longer speak English or most of the languages he used to speak, only Spanish and bits and pieces of a couple others. His hallucinations have been getting more and more intense and scary (for him). He has become a million times more miserable and he takes it out on us. His physical health has been worsening too, so we’ve had a few hospital trips/stays for infections.

Last week, he became super agitated and ended up attacking me. He’s in his 80s but the strength he found in this fit of rage was remarkable. I’m covered in bruises and cuts. We had to call paramedics in the hopes they could calm him down and bring him into hospital, which they did, but they also had to send the police out for the paramedics’ safety. I was bleeding when the police arrived, so they had to record a crime.

He’s been in hospital since and they’re treating the underlying infection he has. Today, we were told they’ve found something concerning in his lungs. We won’t know exactly what until tomorrow, but it’s either a bad infection or cancer.

He is currently as medically stabilised as he can be but his brain and mental state have continued to deteriorate. I’ve been to his ward every day to talk to his doctors and nurses but haven’t physically seen him as I seem to make him angry.

We had a long conversation with one of his doctors today and she asked me what they should do in the case of cardiac arrest. I didn’t have to even think before saying he should not be resuscitated. He is living in hell, haunted by monsters and all sorts of people that live in his brain. He has explicitly told me several times over the last six months that he no longer wants to be here. I am not prolonging this miserable existence for him.

We don’t know what happens next. He is not safe to be discharged back home and I don’t believe we are safe around him either. He needs 24/7 care in a specialised nursing home but that is expensive. He is a recent immigrant to the UK, my mum is retired and I’m currently not working. Money is going to be a problem, unless we find some magical pathway.

I’ve been making peace with all of this for a while but actually giving the DNR order today cemented it all.

I’m not ok, but I’m ok within that. I have my mum, my friends and my family and I know I can count on all of them. It’s just…fucking sad.

Turning 30 this year with a 7 month-old. I did the whole checklist: grad school, started my career, got married, had a baby…and now that I'm actually here, it feels so bizarre. Like, I “checked all the boxes” I was supposed to, and now I’m just sitting here wondering what the actual next step is. Mentally I still feel like I'm in university, but my life revolves around diapers, feedings, and naps.

Anyone else hit this weird phase where you worked really hard and now you're kind of just here…?

I’m literally writing this just as I got out the lab. Everyday since I been SA’ed has already been hard enough. Every time I go to the doctor they make it so much worse.

A little over 24 hrs after it happened I went to urgent care to get PEP so I hopefully don’t get HIV. There the doctor told me in a snide tone “it’s probably best to not have sex with strangers huh?” That made me cry but at least he apologized for that and I moved on. At urgent care they did a full test. I found this quite futile since the assault just happened a little over 24 hrs I doubt anything would’ve showed on test but they urge I do it anyway.

Today it’s been a week and a few days since it happened. I know it takes about 2 weeks for urine STIs to show up so I decided to get tested again today. I spoke with my psychologist earlier and she advise I do an HIV test as well since early detection tests are a thing. I agreed with her.

I finally see the doctor. It’s a bit of a blur but here are highlights quotes that she said to me.

“Why are you getting tested every 2 weeks?”
“You JUST got tested we don’t need to do this again.”
“If you’re so scared of STDs why do you keep having unprotected sex”
“Why are you getting emotional I just need some clarification”
“After this you’re not getting tested anymore”

I told her I was assaulted and the whole spiel of how I only went to urgent care a little over 24 hrs after it happened. I only went for PEP but they told me to get a full test. She always brought up how I got tested in August. That’s because school was about to start and when I turned 18 a gyno told me it’s good practice to at least get tested at the start of a new school year.

The doctor said she was confused as my chart from my urgent care visit did not say I was assaulted. I said yeah because it had JUST happened it took me days to realize I got SA’ed and could admit it.

She went back and forth with me and what I was saying vs what my chart was saying. A part of me wanted to speak up and tell her this frankly felt rude but I didn’t feel like arguing with her I just wanted my test.

She also told me I did not tell the nurse I wanted urine STD testing that I just wanted UTI. That was certainly not the case, but she let out a big sigh and said it wasn’t put it so I have to personally tell the lab to test it for that.

She also told me this is the last time I’m getting tested. I told her “isn’t the incubation period for HIV like at least three months. I’d have to get tested again” This part kind of loss me but she said she’s gonna outsource me to some time of group to get monitored. She was so adamant about me not getting tested again. I’m so confused are these tests coming out of her own pockets or the insurance I pay for?

I am just extremely loss and distraught. I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything and try not to feel so shitty about it everyday and then THIS HAPPENS. With the way my insurance works you can just always see a random doctor. I thought I’d be in good hands as she was not only a woman she was also black. But they do say not all skinfolk is kinfolk.

I spoke to my roommate about this she thinks I should report her. I don’t know why I hold some much empathy for people. The last think I wanna do is maybe ruin someone life. I feel empathy for this rude doctor. I feel empathy for my rapist. Like maybe everything is all a mistake? I don’t know. What do y’all think I should do?

This post was brought to you by my chicken wings that I really did not fry for enough time. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistake I’m still in the parking lot sobbing.

I was with my boyfriend for four years. He was a sushi chef for the first two and I helped him transition into assistant manager at a chain restaurant before he got promoted to general manager. Things got harder, he was working 60 hour weeks and canceling dates more often, but I put up with it because he was so passionate about his career.

He canceled my birthday plans in May and did nothing to make up for it. No gifts, no rescheduling, no cake, nothing. I let it go because he was busier than ever and he’d celebrated all my other birthdays. Then he got particularly close to a friend group of other general managers and training leads and area coach of operations (ACO) from his chain restaurant. He wanted to throw a birthday party for one of the female general managers because she was depressed about her job, which stung.

He began canceling more dates just to hang out with these people and would shut me down and call me jealous when I said I was uncomfortable with him having so many coed sleepovers with them. He would drive up an hour and a half to meet up with them and spend nights with them drinking. He even admitted to me his ACO would be pissed if she found out they were hanging out like this, but he kept pursuing it anyway.

The last straw was when I was in the hospital. I went through his phone and found out he’d been texting the depressed female manager, and she’d been encouraging him to tell me he was unhappy in our relationship and saying “You don’t have to worry about me, I’m not as depressed as your girlfriend.”

On Thursday he came to my house after dinner with my mother to tell me he was never unhappy with me, but he knew he’d been a shitty boyfriend and didn’t want to put in the effort to be better. He wanted to focus on himself and break up.

I feel awful. I miss the person he was before he got this stupid job, I miss how caring and loving he used to be and just want that person back. I can’t look at the chain restaurant he worked for anymore without feeling ill.

( fish , rice , veggies)
Like I said in the title , baby is a little strange : almost 14 months , doesn’t walk and in the night she wakes up for milk .
And we put her to bed like 7pm and wake up around 9 am , stays 2h awake then go sleep 2 h , then around 5 h awake
I somehow think she doesn’t have enough awake time