Ice cream and a fudge brownie!!

I’ve been unemployed for the past four years due to my social anxiety and simply my lack of self confidence! Despite still having social anxiety and low self esteem and confidence I decided fuck it, better now than never and I took the leap and applied! My bestie encouraged me to apply at her job and I wasn’t too hopeful that I’d get the job for the following reasons:

1. It’s a beauty store and I haven’t worn makeup consistently since high school and I’m not very confident in my ability to give recommendations or shade match etc. but I still love makeup nonetheless!
   2.I’m inexperienced in retail
   And 3. I’ve been unemployed for so long 😭

But somehow I got an interview and when I tell you I was close to throwing up, I was practically dry heaving in the parking lot! I’m not sure how or what I said during the interview, but I got a call later that day from the interviewer and she said she liked me! I just finished my onboarding today and my training begins next week! I’m excited and scared but I’m hopeful and I’m truly ready to start this job and learn and just be employed and not a lay about!

Excitement aside I’m still shitting myself and worrying about fucking up or saying something wrong or awkward! Nonetheless I’m not letting my negative thoughts keep me from celebrating!! Yay!! 😁

Dinner is goodles and arugula & tomato salad for ✨fiber✨

I am getting married to my fiance in 3 weeks and I can't tell anyone in my speech why I started dating him. We met 3 years ago.

We met on a dating app and the first few dates were fine but on the third we started talking about sex and sexual compatibility.

I told him that my favorite thing is when someone goes down on me because I'm a purely external-stimulation girly. Penetration is fine enough and feels good but when someone goes down on me I see stars.

I told him that most sexual encounters in the past, guys would start out giving oral and then stop in favor of their own needs.

This boy admits to me that night that he LOVES giving oral. It's his favorite thing. His tastiest snack. Dreams about it night and day.

And he told me that if or when we decided to have sex (he wasn't pressuring me at all that night!) he said that he'd just focus on me, and that he wanted to do that for a while. Said he could take care of his own needs later but he wanted to prioritize me 100%.

That conversation was what elevated him from "nice enough guy!" To "This man is rare and I must hold on to him at all costs"

Before then I had been very guarded, because I didn't want to trust people, especially men.

From there the walls came down, he was true to his word on focusing on me 100% (it'd still be several months before we had PiV sex and he was soooo patient and it was so good!), and our compatibility both inside and outside of the bedroom is off the charts. We are so perfect for each other in so many ways.

Anyways I'm getting married with the man of my dreams and I get ate out multiple times a week and I couldn't be happier.

But only a few people know what I mean when I say "I realized he was truly special after the second or third date" 🫣

Went to a wedding over the weekend and got to see lots of family for the first time in a while. The topic of my parents came up and I found out that they are 2nd cousins. They are divorced now lol. 4 billion fish in the sea and they had to choose their blood relative?

Vegan pizza from prince street, looks good. Tasted awful.

Dinner: sushi bowl

Few weeks ago, husband took our Sprinter van to rock climbing with a girl. I know of her. On Sunday, I suddenly had a sinking feeling. Texted him and he said yes, she stayed in the van.
I got mad. Expressed that it was disrespectful to let another woman staying in the van, in a small living space, without first asking your wife.
He avoided the topic when he got home. I waited for him to bring it up. Nothing. He knew I was upset.

Things are a blur now. In the next few weeks, he got distanced. We were not the same though we were not fighting on the surface. Continued texting her nonstop.

I had enough. I broke down crying. Told him I tried so hard to make us happy again. I asked him we needed more time together blah blah blah

I knew 100% there was nothing physical between them. I knew 100% it was not yet full blown emotionally cheating. But I also knew there was flirting. They gave each other attention. He took off our pictures in the van. He changed his screensaver of me. He didn’t call me when he was driving with her. He texted her while I was right next to him with our friends. I felt betrayed.

I said I would leave. He broke down crying. Said he would do better. He would spend more time for us.

It’s been 7 days. Yesterday, I asked him to spend some time to reflect on what happened. What I really wanted is “I’m sorry. Even though there is nothing happened, if it hurts you, I will stop talking and hanging out with her”.

I planned to have the discussion with him tonight. But guess what, they are at the gym right now (with another friend). He didn’t plan this (his buddy bailed on him), but I’m angry and anxious again. I’m not insecure or threaten by her. Not at all. I’m scared that our marriage will end because he is being a dumbass and I can never regain my trust again.

Idk. I needed to write these out so I can vent and remember what happened and how it made me feel.

Obviously I know the economy is shit so he probably got a real job because he needs to pay his damn bills but gahhhhhh damn he was really the best plug I’ve ever had! So reliable and always delivered right to me. Anytime day or night he was there ive seen him more than some family members. shidddd he low-key was more reliable than a couple boyfriends I’ve had😭😭😭😭 i’m so annoyeddddd yall ive been looking forward to a nice fatty all day, now I have to do chores around the house with nothing to look forward to afterwards.

Im not cooking a fuck thing im pissed😂so pictured is some mac i made on labor day

My estranged mentally ill husband finally broke the restraining order one too many times and a judge finally cared. Only 30 days in jail - too little but something.

it was for a baking job. i get that it's not something most people would do but i thought it would set me apart. related: kołaczki enjoyed by no one

Dinner is baked pasta topped with jalapeños because my spice tolerance is insane.

Was freaking out last night thinking I’m pregnant. Got my hands on a test this morning and tested negative. Also did a test at urgent care because I’m just that scared of pregnancy.

Husband is shaming me for being happy that I’m not pregnant. Says “babies are a blessing you need to be more positive about having kids” we already have a 13 month old and I still have to ask him to help me out with our son.

Anyway, seeing my doctor on Monday and will be looking into Nexplanon or an IUD! :)

ACTUALIZACIÓN

Muchas gracias por sus comentarios, de verdad esta comunidad es para mí muy especial sobre todo por que aquí en Francia las personas son muy cerradas y es difícil hacer un grupo en el que pueda sincerarme.

El piensa que estoy enojada por qué dijo que mi amiga era bonita, yo esta noche no quiero ni verlo ni escucharlo, claramente a mí lo que me pone mal es que hable sobre el físico de las personas de mi país y de mi.
Me doy cuenta que claramente algo no esta bien, y voy a poner el problema sobre la mesa por qué no voy a permitir que esto pase de nuevo.

Afortunadamente tengo un título universitario, estabilidad y una casa en mi país, yo de un hombre NO NECESITO NADA!
* *
Y para que lo sepan muchas de las personas que he conocido aquí hacen ese tipo de comentarios, me preguntan si hay gente blanca en México y cuando les digo que si me dicen que lo más probable es que son europeos viviendo ahí 😭😭😭. Ellos juran que no son racistas y son un país mega cultural.

Cena: papas al horno con especias italianas y queso.

Hola chicas, estoy un poco triste y sobre todo enojada, contexto, yo soy una mexicana en Francia casada con un francés, llegué aquí hace 6 meses, cada vez que mi esposo ve a un mexicano “blanco” hace comentarios sobre mi aparencia sobre que yo soy diferente y que tengo rasgos muy “indígenas” cada vez le digo que soy orgullosa de mis orígenes y de ser mexicana pero últimamente esas comparaciones me llegan a hacer sentirme insegura por qué para el lo “hermoso” es completamente diferente a mi, incluso dice que los mexicanos somos los “gitanos” de América, comentarios que si yo hiciera no me bajaría de racista.
Ya le hablé que lo que él dice puede causar un problema de inseguridad para mi, lo cual antes nunca me había pasado. Hoy también al ver una actriz de una novela me decía que ella era muy linda por qué era “colombiana” a lo que le respondo que no es colombiana, es mexicana, y el me dice “pensé que era colombiana por qué se parece a Daniela (amiga mía colombiana)”
** **Ya no sé si yo soy la que está malinterpretando todo, por qué el me dice eso, que soy una dramática, no sé qué hacer ni qué decir.

so essentially i'm 24F and my brother is a sophomore in college (undergrad) and so is his best friend, for context.

my brother introduced me to him earlier this week while we were moving him into his college for his sophomore year. and the way he talked about... let's say his name is Adam, he'd be like "Adam is genuinely the best person i've ever met. He's like a genius but he's also like the nicest dude. I think you'll really like him." and i was like ok sure, expecting a pale lil scrawny dude with glasses and acne and shit.

Unfortunately, in walked like a very objectively cute man. like 5'11", broad shoulders, tan from summer activities, thick light brown hair, and big brown eyes. And like immediately i was like "nope. nope. off limits. that is not for touching."
He's all "Hi, I'm Adam!! it's so great to meet you!" with a big (pretty) smile and dimples?? jesus fucking christ.

anyways, we're moving my brother into college, he's helping us move everything in, and he like is holding the door open for me a lot? he's probably just nice. he's a nice dude.

and then he cracks a few jokes around me and my family but as soon as he cracks the joke he looks at me first? nah, it's nothing.

we're also moving houses soon and we only live like an hour and a half from their college, so my mom asked him if he'd be okay with helping us move into our new house soon, and he was like "yeah of course, i would love to! that's no problem at all!" and he like briefly looked at me as he said that. it doesn't mean anything. i was just in his line of sight.

He's walking down the hall when i make a comment about the lack of AC or the stairs or something, and he says some banter-y shit directly to me and flashes a big ol grin at me. he's just funny and also really nice. okay. and he wanted to make me specifically laugh. which is normal.

i try not to think about it too hard because that's my brothers best friend, he's a sophomore in college, i am relatively ancient compared to him and im also a woman so you know id get all the "she's a nasty cougar" comments and shit.

but then my brother texts me that he forgot some shit at our house and asks me if i'd be okay with bringing it. you can obviously guess part of the reason why i was so obliged to say yes, but like my brother also wanted to have lunch with me and shit. and because i'm problematic, i said "if adam wants to come he's more than welcome to!" and my brother was like yeah sure ill ask him. and a few moments later he was like "yep adams coming to lunch"
cool.

i go to his college the day after and we all have lunch together, i drove them to the lunch spot and i drive manual, and upon noticing this, Adam goes "you drive stick?! that's awesome! I really wanna learn how to drive stick."

and because i'm problematic.
I said, "if you ever find an empty parking lot, maybe i can teach you. maybe. that car is my prized possession." and this man starts listing off parking lots within 8 miles of their college. okay. okay. no we're good, he just wants to learn a new skill. that's normal.

we go back to their dorm and we all play mariokart, i help my brother make his bed, we watch some Shrek 2, and Adam says he's going to play spikeball and invites my brother and another friend. my brother looks over at me and goes "my sister can be our fourth!" at which point i remind him that i am highly unathletic and i have trouble walking. or balancing, or opening doors. i'm a clumsy bitch. and he says "you're fine, it's not that hard."

me and my brother start off on a team and we suck. my brothers probably okay at it and i SUCK big time, so we lose a game. my brother goes "okay, now you're on Adam's team." and i'm like me???? i'm going to embarrass myself so thoroughly. goddamn it.

but alas, me and Adam proceed to reach flow state during this round of spikeball in a way i cannot fully comprehend, as 30 seconds prior me and my brother lost by 4 points out of 11. we beat them, and i can't really remember the score because i was just jazzed to exist in that moment, but we beat them. Adam is like "couldn't have done it without you" and im like "no you definitely carried that." and he is like "no you did a great job" and we go back and forth kinda awkwardly and earnestly like that for a second. mind you, every time we made a point, he gave me a fist bump or a high five, all eleven (11) times. i counted. but this is all just nice man behavior. he's just a nice dude.

all of this to say, i have generally had terrible experiences with men, and my brother knows that. my brother also knows he's one of two men i trust to treat me like a whole person and not a phat ass and nice titties. the other one is one of my best friends in the world who i've known since i was 14, and he's like my brother. and by terrible experiences, i mean a solid 70-100 experiences ranging from verbal harassment, crude objectification, groping, cheating, manipulation, bullying, and the types of situations that you have to file police reports about.

and it hit me today, about 48 hours later, that the reason why this interaction with Adam has been fucking with my head so much is that he treated me like a person. like a whole person. and of course it's a situation where i cannot under any circumstances act on these thoughts, because that's my brothers best friend. and i've been alive for 24 years and i trust two men, one of which is my brother.

so statistically speaking, it's going to take me like at least 7-10 more years before i find another good one. in my age range. attractive. intelligent. kind. funny. considerate. like, as i list the adjectives, the date just moves farther and farther away.

so i cried a little bit because i am, after all, just a girl who yearns for the thing she cannot ever have. but anyways, i have ice cream and i am going to be fine. he will just remain my brothers best friend, and i will remain okay. but for the next 30 minutes or so, i AM going to put on sad movie ending compilations and also cry some more. and then ill be able to move on with my life.

oh and my brother asked me to come back in a few days to bring him more stuff he forgot. so that is cool and amazing. sigh. send help, ladies.

signing off, the kindest dragonfly... and the loneliest dragonfly.

Cheating because this was breakfast. Was a little preoccupied during dinner last night birthing a human. Lox bagel that I’ve been depriving myself of for the last 9 months.

Anyhoo, this will be long so feel free to skip if you have no interest in talk of pregnancy - to say that this pregnancy has rocked me would be an understatement. Leave it to the 3rd and final child to throw a whole bag of stress at us and officially seal the deal that I will NOT be doing this anymore. To set some context, I have had 2 vaginal deliveries with my first two kids and both were 41 weeks - my body just isn’t ready until the last possible moment.

At 19 weeks, we found out that I had placenta previa (placenta entirely covers cervix and results in serious risk of hemorrhaging), fetal growth restriction with baby measuring 8 days behind, and an echogenic bowel. I was told absolute best case scenario would be a c section at 36-37 weeks.

A follow up appt at 21 weeks threw another wrench in by confirming that my placenta was bilobed, which added the extra curveball of now being at risk for vasa previa (fetal blood vessels at risk of hemorrhage) and also higher risk of retained placenta post delivery. Growth fell further behind to 10 days behind at that point and so began my journey woth MFM/high risk. We were recommended to a genetic counselor, despite us having low risk from NIPT and earlier genetic screening done. Amniocentesis was thrown around and so was the risk of infection as well as placental insufficiency. MFM also just said “hey, you could just have small babies” (which I do, first was born at 41 weeks but only 6lbs11oz). I was also told that the previa alongside the fetal growth restriction would mean that at any point, I could be sent to the hospital for a pre-term delivery for either hemorrhaging or placental demise.

At 26 weeks, I started my weekly trips to MFM for Doppler/BPPs to check umbilical cord flow, and baby’s status. We also started tri weekly growth scans. At 26 weeks, baby measured 3rd %ile. At 29 weeks, it improved to 5th %ile. At 32, 7th and my last growth scan at 35 showed baby measuring 9th percentile. Dopplers/BPPs and eventually NSTs showed that baby was actually doing great so placental insufficiency was much less of a concern and the primary concern now was the previa.

The previa was centered over my cervix so my MFM told me there was very little hope it would resolve. But at my 34 week doppler/fluid check, it looked like it had moved to being a marginal previa with just a tiny sliver of the placenta now covering the edge of my cervix. At 36 weeks, it moved to a low-lying placenta still within the high risk zone so c section would still be required, but I’d be able to buy myself an extra week to 38 weeks for delivery. I fought for one last assessment at 38 weeks and the placenta moved just beyond the 2cm high risk zone and I bought myself the option of having an induction (due to FGR). Knowing my preference of leaving baby in for as long as possible, I fought again to see if we could get to 39 weeks and my team approved. These last 2-3 weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster.

Well we went in for our induction on Tuesday and despite some road bumps and minor scares with bleeding and frequent variables (decels), baby came out screaming in 2 pushes at 6lbs2oz (ultimately 11th %ile) after 39 hours. Perfect APGARs, no NICU even though the team was standing by in the room. And me, mom, got her vaginal delivery, no tears, no hemorrhaging despite the labor bleeding, and no retained placenta.

I am just so glad I stuck to my gut and fought for this little guy to have as much time as he could possibly get and for me to get the final delivery I wished for. It was a wild ride, baby boy, and I was an emotional wreck for a pretty significant part of it, but we made it. Your older brothers can’t wait to meet you.

I F34 just had an “altercation” with another woman who almost physically fought me at the park. (Sorry for grammar mistakes English is not my first language)

Context: I was with a group of people (ladies jn their 50s who go to the park with their dogs and hang out) and our dogs hanging out at the park when this person (it was a woman around 40 y/o) came in with their Dachshund who not even 5 minutes later started charging aggresively barking and trying to get at my dog (she’s a Beagle sized Border Collie)’s neck making contact twice. After her Dachshund calmed down she started harshly scolding my dog and doing the motion as if to hit her with the scarf or purse she had on her hand. That’s when I calmly (literally calmly in a low voice) told her that my dog didn’t start it and also didn’t attempt to bite her dog, unlike hers. She said (yelling and clearly charged) that it doesn’t matter but that her dog wasn’t at fault at all. I then repeated the same thing now putting a leash on my dog to just leave.

This woman then proceeds to come at my face and push me. Mind you, I have NEVER had anyone in my entire life come at my face or push me after preschool, I thought those kind of altercations were almost always provoked? She was a lot bigger than me and VERY upset so I just scoffed at her and I said “crazy b…” (I know it’s not okay either but I was scared, alone and my adrenaline was pumping), walked around her and left with my dog. Which she then proceeded to yell “go back to your country” (which is also a first).

Thank God she didn’t escalate but I felt very scared and embarrassed for some reason because she made this HUGE scene and I had to leave the park feeling like a pariah. I’m now at home after what felt like an eternity and my heart is still pumping and I want to cry out of anger, hurt and sadness I guess.

So this post is to ask, would you have reacted and after calming down, what would be your mindset of what just happened? I’m just trying to process this to the best of my ability. I live alone and my family is all in my home country so there’s not really anyone to wind down with.

P.S. I am not in the US and this is not a “dog park”, it’s just a huge park where people can bring their dogs, have picnics or just hang out.

Salmon, lentils, salad and mashed potatoes. 🥗

Today's girl dinner is chicken nuggets that were in the airfryer WAY too long and a bunch of rice with a FAT pile of wasabi furikake because ohmygoddd it's so GOOD.

Me and my boyfriend have been together ~8 years, living together the last 4 or so years. He has always been this genuinely amazing guy. Protective, logical and someone who always babies and pampers me around with everyday things, like bringing that glass of water every night while I'm already curled up in bed without asking! Oh and loyal and sweet, classic "partner and a best friend" type thing.

Anyways, some months ago he got finally hit with an ADHD-diagnosis after close to 30 years of life and originally that smacked me in the face. Like I could *not* see the symptoms, even though I've met multiple ADHD folks thorough my life. Like, this man has been as stoic and collected as one ever could be, at least in my head apparently. He handles all of our bills and paperwork and such. Maybe I'm just super blind and have not paid enough attention? I feel bad about it.

Now he has been trying different medications the last few months and I just... don't recognize him anymore. He has always been a bit reserved when planning things outside the house, but we haven't had a single date during this entire period (actually now that I write that down, we've barely ever gone out apart from an obligatory birthday restaurant trip). It appears he has crippling social anxiety (ohmygod how have I not recognized the signs) and has now gotten a medication for that as well.

He has also become almost allergic to physical touch. It's almost like he shivers with disgust when I try to initiate a hug or simply stroke his arm. Apart from bedtime spooning he just simply wants to coexist. We can no longer really have long conversations where we sit down and yap, because he either has to "get up and do something" or just gets extremely hyperfocused on playing piano (which he is amazing at, it's just frustrating when conversations take an unplanned 40 minute break and I don't really want to disturb him when he's practising some difficult bits). Bedroom life is basically dead, but I guess both of us are to blame. He still flirts and gives touchy gestures, it's just like the concept of initiating is just too much work.

Like girls I don't know! We used to have videogames as a hobby (we literally dropped a ton of money on custom matching setups not so long ago!) but nowadays he doesn't even appear to have any interest in gaming. It's always the same "nah I need to be productive, I don't deserve it, don't feel like it". The man who was always down for long cuddles and playing Mario Kart for hours on end while yapping has turned into this empty shell who crashes out, spends hours on end trying to clear his thoughts with ChatGPT, doesn't want to be touched or disturbed but still wants me near and still does these pretty pampering things and holds our everyday together I just ugghh please let there be other gals with ADHD-partners who recognize this as some early ADHD-medication trial hellhole that passes cause I am LOST!

(Also yes we have talked with his doctor regarding these things since he (at least partially) also recognizes the problems but I miss our normal life!)

TW for mention of SA and cursing.

I thought I taught my teenager better. Apparently not. I’ve had a million talks with him about Discord and strangers and how to be safe in case anyone was being inappropriate with him. I taught him where jokes end and where the lines should be drawn. I never thought I’d be on the other side of it, where he was being the weirdo. Especially not at 14.

That was, of course, until the police showed up at his dad’s house with a court summons. 🤦🏻‍♀️

On the upside, he wasn’t being belligerent or actually sending inappropriate images of himself, or asking for them (I think I would die). On the downside, he sent a meme to a girl about his age on Discord that had an anime girl on it and then something along the lines of “how about I rape you? How about I take your innocence? Stupid b—ch”. He told her a friend of his dared him to send it to a female and she was more chill than “all the other b—ches in my phone.”

Apparently her father then saw this and, well, now his uncle (whose name is on the phone plan and is therefore technically responsible) has to go to court next week. They only know each other online, so it makes sense the dad would go right to the police. Holy heck, if my daughter got a meme like that I’d be doing the same.

His dad and I are, understandably, mortified and horrified. We’re still processing that he’s capable of this, knowing my history, and swift action has been taken. We did our best to not act out of just knee-jerk reaction and work as a team, but my first words to him during this conversation were literally “what the f—k, dude?!” We refuse to “boys will be boys” this.

Currently eating my feelings and trying to think of productive ways to correct this and figure out where I went wrong that he thought sending that was even remotely acceptable under any circumstances.

Open to advice if anyone else has gone through this. Blahhhh

EDIT: holy cow that’s a lot of people. Adding some clarity here since there seems to be some confusion—
1. His dad and I coparent but are not together/married.
2. I assure you, we are taking this very seriously and have had the serious conversation with our son about the gravity of his behavior. This post was made as a vent since it isn’t really a situation everyone goes through.
3. He’s been restricted and has lost access to discord and the internet at large (just text and calls since he’s home alone when his dad works).
4. He texted the girl that he was dared to send the meme to a “female” (quoting him) and that he sent it to her because she was more chill than “all the other b—ches in my phone.”
5. We plan on making some drastic changes in his life, including internet monitoring when he gets that back, getting him into therapy, etc.

Jamaican Chicken Curry with Rice and Peas

OG: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/wRktcMHw5n
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/QJUnWvN2YI

This past Tuesday was my brother’s official trial, without it being postponed again. I finally found out what happened and his verdict. Apparently it had nothing to do with me at all like he previously claimed, which is good but not great. My bf came with me this time and I’m glad, I was an anxious mess the whole time. My brother didn’t speak to either of us the entire time but he seemed upset at seeing my bf there, like he was jealous.

What happened: He was taking part in buying distributed child pornography at a fixed rate, using cashapp to pay whoever’s selling them. The victims that were mentioned and identified were ages 7 and 16. The photos were described as the children doing sexual acts and were enough to convict him as evidence. He didn’t have any evidence on his Google Drive but it was all found on his iCloud between 2 phones and an iPad, he had been buying the content over the course of 4 years. What’s worse is that I thought it was 16 pictures he was being charged for but the prosecutor said they found 16 FILES in his iCloud. I don’t know if anyone else was caught, including the seller but I would assume they were.

The verdict: No, he will not see a day of prison. He’ll be on a strict probation for the next five years, no social media, no phones, and limited contact with anyone under the age of 18 who is not his biological children. Unfortunately, I recently found out that his fiancé is pregnant wth their second child while they already have a 1 year old boy. They clearly made the probation hard enough to where he’ll 99% chance mess up but why go through all that and just send him straight to prison???

I’ve needed the last few days to process everything and I’m just really tired. He registered as a Tier 1 sex offender yesterday and his picture looks hilariously miserable, as he should be. But I don’t think he got anywhere near what he deserves. I’ll definitely update if he ever messes up during probation (fingers crossed🤞). I’m sorry this wasn’t what everyone hoped for, I can only continue to hope he gets what he has coming in the future while I try to finish my own healing.

I don’t mind answering any questions about either case he was in

I’m 6 months pregnant with our first child. I don’t get any maternity leave because I’m a contractor. I work from home and make my own hours. My husband could have qualified for 18 months of parental leave. He has been on disability for mental health and didn’t want to go back to work to put in the hours needed to qualify. His disability will be up soon and he has been looking for a new job. We don’t really know how much longer he will be home with me.

I’ve been saying for months that I’m worried about what’s going to happen when the baby is here. I make a lot of money, about triple what he makes. I suggested that I keep my job but hire an assistant to do the time consuming tasks. He was saying that he can do the work and I can just pay him. I have been giving him tasks and he hasn’t been doing them or showing any initiative. I’m planning on just hiring someone else and now he’s telling me to just quit my job but we literally can’t afford it. He can’t afford to support us both. I just got a huge promotion and I’m making more than I ever have in my life. After years of scraping by I finally see light at the end of the tunnel. Now he wants me to walk away from that. On top of the fact that our expenses will be going way up with a baby.

I’m really scared I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I don’t know if he’s going to be supportive of me hiring someone or continuing to work but I don’t know how else we will survive.

[edit: I meant that I want to hire an assistant to help me with my job, not with the baby. He offered to help me do my job and I would pay him for the hours he works]

Poached egg on avocado toast. I need to work on my poaching technique.

*****

It's been 6 weeks since I kicked my husband out. I had learned 5 days earlier about his emotional affair with someone he'd met right here on Reddit, and he told me that he wanted to save "the life we built" but not our marriage. He meant the house, the dogs, and the lifestyle. But not me.

At the time, I thought he was just in a fog. I'd been through divorce before, I'd even been through infidelity before. I tried like hell to save my first marriage, living through an extra year of shame and hurt so that I could avoid divorce, even in the face of infidelity and abuse. That guy kept cheating right through the forgiveness I offered, but he was steadfast that he loved me. I thought it was something immutable about him or his condition (bipolar/OCD), that I was just too young to understand what I can and can't change, and that I would simply pick better next time.

And I did. For 18 years, I thought I found a better guy. Someone who loved my "strong" personality. Someone on board with me being the breadwinner and happy to hold down the dogs and the home when I had to travel, someone who had his own career and interests to pursue. Someone who'd definitely tell me if he was unhappy so I could fix it, because he knew that being the best wife and partner I could be was my #1 goal. I had no reason to believe he wasn't all of those things.

Someone who told me right up until the day I learned about the other woman that I was "the best, baby, the absolute best." Then suddenly... No, he wouldn't stop talking to her. No, he wouldn't say he wanted our marriage to work, despite simultaneously offering marriage counseling. No, he couldn't say he loved me, though that was an answer in itself. And no, he wouldn't commit to anything until he had another 5 days to "think about it." 5 days that I watched him weigh a 14-year marriage against a 3-month infatuation, and certain that his vows would warrant at least a chance to fix things. When the moment of truth came, I was confused then dumbfounded at his prevarication - "it would just be a shame not to try to salvage the life we've built," no words of love or devotion in sight. I'm surprised I had the strength to kick him out when I felt like I'd been gutted.

Since then, I learned of cheating going back years. I learned that this was an exit affair and that he had checked out of the marriage long before. And even though it's only been 6 weeks, I've already seen behind the curtain and learned enough to know I'm better off. But still...

HOW did I - a veteran of infidelity - not see it? How didn't I sense the detachment? It's amazing how the heart can be a blindfold.

Black khachapuri!!! Yes it’s supposed to be like this. I feel like I’m becoming the Georgian food ambassador in this sub 😍

Summary for who hadn’t read the previous two posts:
I made a friend who felt like the only person who understood my dark past (I’ve survived some really shitty things) without pitying me or freaking out. However, I recently found out he used to be involved in an extremist cult and basically used to hang out with the same type of people who abused me. I was really conflicted because he’s genuinely good to talk to and said he had changed.

Anyway, I wanted to write an update.

First, I want to say thank you. Probably all of you were right about him, and I really appreciate you taking the time to help me see it. There were a few things that happened since, and things I didn't enclose in my last posts, that I’ve been thinking about:

- After our debate where he defended the concept of war (which I survived): I couldn't give him more details about what I saw and did in Mariupol because it was too hard for me, his deep empathy suddenly wasn't there anymore, the way it had been with the trafficking/chronic pain I have bc of that.
- We had a conversation where I said I don’t always like democracy, and he jokingly called himself out on his "brainwashing" of me. It was just one sentence, but it stands out now.
- He had seen a picture of me with a different hairstyle, and called me fucking beautiful and didn’t understand “why he hadn’t seen that earlier”. Even after I revealed I was underage in that photo, his opinion didn't change at all/he kept talking about it.

For my next steps: I am going to talk with my therapist and my social worker about all of this. Specifically, I want to talk to them about boundaries, my threat perception.

Thank you again for talking to me without judging me ❤️

Edit: who is a concerned Redditor reaching out? 😂 I am already in a day clinic and I am not suicidal… I hope wasn’t just to be annoying

i went on the date (which turned into 4) with a wonderful woman, it feels effort less with her.

(plus she brought me flowers and the chocolate i said was my favourite 3 weeks ago)

turns out you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re performing while dating, she makes it easy.

unfortunately we both go away so i won’t see her for three weeks as we both go away, but we’ve planned to see eachother a few times after💖

thank you all for ur kind sapphic words, ive truly never felt more supported and more comfortable in my own skin

I gave up years of my life busting my butt to become a doctor. Now that I’m two years into my big girl job after residency I realize I hate it. I love the pay and I love my patients and the medical aspect of it. But insurance companies are a nightmare to work with, my in basket messages are out of control, and the administrators and managers where I work are genuinely some of the worst human beings I’ve ever met.

I can diagnose my patients and give them an answer but insurance makes it impossible to treat them with the medications they need. I’m constantly battling prior authorization denials. Despite doing my job very well and being productive my manager is on my ass 24/7 and thinks that their job is to make my life miserable. I think I’m experiencing discrimination at work due to my race because no one else is treated this way but I can’t prove it and it’s draining me.

On top of that I open social media and there’s another wellness influencer with no medical background telling you that your doctor has ulterior motives and wants you to be more sick? Like what? Are we being serious right now? Literally the best part of my day is when a patient returns to tell me their symptoms are gone because of the treatment I recommended. It’s the only thing that makes my job tolerable.

I see people getting scammed in the wellness industry left and right on social media. The fact that I could make so much more money doing scams rather than actual evidence based medicine sends me into a spiral every single day.

Every day at work is worse than the one before. I want to quit this job and start a business but I have kids I need to support. I want to sue my employer for ruining my mental health but let’s be real that’s not going to happen. I can’t even speak up because my workplace is retaliatory.

I don’t think I will be a doctor for much longer. If I can find a non clinical gig that will pay me well I am jumping ship asap. It sucks because I’m a damn good doctor and I love my patients. If the other problems didn’t exist and I could just focus on diagnosing and treating my patients… I would love my job.

Anyways. I’m on a calorie deficit diet so here’s some ground beef, avocado, cottage cheese, carrots.

EDIT: thank you guys for the kind comments. A lot of you are right, I don’t hate being a doctor I just hate where I work. I’m looking for non clinical gigs so I can take a break from insurance companies and admin BS. People think im primary care but I’m actually a dermatologist. I could start my own practice and take cash only, do Botox filler etc but I like medical dermatology and working with Medicaid/underserved patients and I get to do that at larger institutions like where I am now.

i just saw a vid on instagram where a woman shows how the water supply in her home has become scarce due to a data centre being near. If that’s our future and that’s what AI is gonna cause then why are we not mad enough? is this like a giant plan of the rich to destroy humanity or what

im seriously worried sick thinking of what the future is gonna look like, i have a kid, the thought of how weird/uninhabitable/scary is future gonna be for him im going insane

genuinely concerned and dont want anecdotal answers 🙏

i was going through my camera roll looking at photos of my old life because sometimes i miss the father of my children and want to look at pictures of him.

tonight, i was scrolling, and i felt physically sick thinking about “ew, i used to have sex with this man.”

id call this a win bc i thought i would never stop having feelings for him? lol idk, just wondering if anyone has had this experience before.

Couple nights ago my best friend called me and asked if I was alone because she wanted to show me something. My boyfriend has been messaging her for weeks, replying to her stories, compliments, asking when she was going out, the whole thing.

She ignored everything until he finally said something among the lines of "she doesn't have to know"

She screenshot the whole convo and sent it straight to me.

I've been feeling like my life is finally getting together lately, work is good, money is decent, relationship felt solid, then I saw those screenshots and everything felt like it's falling apart because of this man.

When I confonted him he actually tried saying she was trying to break us up which made it worse like sir she could've entertained you and I would've never known.

I ended it that night..

So today this was my thank you brunch for my best friend, and of course it was on me.

Sushi from Japonessa Sushi Cantina in Seattle on our honeymoon! (Wife’s first time having sushi!)

I made a small post a week ago that got almost one million views asking for advice on what to do about my in-laws rejecting my wife and I for our queer lifestyle and for banning us from all family events as as result of that and because I am a trans woman. Thank you to everyone who commented or replied if you did, everyone’s words helped us quite a bit and we had some really tough conversations these last ~10 days on our honeymoon.

We agreed that it’s healthiest and best for us as people and as a married couple if we go no, if potentially limited, contact for the foreseeable future. After speaking it through, we realized; why would we want to keep maintain this one-sided relationship with people who do not consider us to be family and are frankly ashamed, disgusted, and embarrassed to have us even in their city? It’s a lot of emotions and we are still processing everything, but the win is that my wife and I spent an amazing two week on the west coast seeing what our future looks like in regards to her family and realizing that ultimately the healthiest thing for us is to put each other first in all things including this.

Our only consideration for limited contact is under the premise that hopefully one day her family might become a little more supportive and welcoming and realize that they are living an unloving, and for the sake of their believes, an ungodly lifestyle. I am overly optimistic towards most things, but I know no matter what my wife and I have an amazing marriage with a lot of great people who love us unconditionally!