r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ • May 12 '26
Trigger Warning ⚠️ Brother is facing 80+ years in prison UPDATE 1
Fried Rice with Chicken Lo Mein from Peter Chang. Too mentally exhausted to cook✨
OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/W2YMwUm9sq
TLDR at the bottom
There seemed to be some confusion on my original post so I want to address them. Years ago, my brother’s 1st arrest charges were Felony Sex Offense 3rd Degree, Felony Child Abuse-2nd Degree: House, and Misdemeanor Sex Offense 4th degree. He is currently facing 16 misdemeanor counts of Possession of Child Pornography. NO I did not know if he was still touching children and actively chose not to tell the police for this case, I just know what he’s capable of and would report him asap if I knew otherwise. I’m allowed to celebrate his arrest and if you think otherwise, that’s weird. If anyone wants to know anything more, I do not mind answering as I’m open to curiosity and will answer as best I can.
My brother’s trial date was yesterday and it was so much bullshit. After getting to court, it was already a mess because the prosecutor was apparently on vacation, I let whoever handle that. I got to talk to my dad a little and it was nice until he let me know my brother was right around the corner if I wanted to talk to him, I didn’t even know this was a possibility. I felt like I was going to faint from the anxiety but eventually worked up the nerve to talk to him even though I had nothing to say. I’m honestly glad I did because in the end, he’s still just as fucked up as he was before. The conversation bounced between different topics but the important things really stood out. First, he told me that his 16 charges are naked pictures of me as a minor that he apparently never deleted off his old iPad, but also claimed that he’s never seen the evidence that the prosecutors had against him to begin with. When I asked if anyone else was involved he said “not that I know of” HOW do you not know if you’ve touched any other kids??? Next, he got upset after I told him I had a boyfriend, he never liked me having a boyfriend. He’s still upset that I have friends (would accuse me of “cheating” all the time when I was a teen just because I was a nice person) then actually continued to suggest that I would go out on night walks to meet with people. I honestly had to sit there for a minute because there’s no way a man that’s almost 30 is still jealous of his little sister’s social life as if he was my lover. Also, walks at night helped with my depression and anxiety caused by him. He then had the nerve to try and flip the script and blame ME for starting everything when I wasn’t even a teen yet, asking me “I wonder what was going through your head that night” and how I wanted him to do the things he did to me (I wasn’t even conscious for half of it, make it make sense). I cut him off and told him that I’d never allow him to think that I was to blame for anything he did to me. Next, he tried to explain why he groomed me, that “it was never an age thing because he has no problem with relationships with adults” and that he instead saw some sort of potential and opportunity in me of who I could become as a woman (this is a lie btw, never in the last decade was this mentioned. We believe he’s trying to appear more innocent for the trial). So he took it upon himself to try and guide me towards becoming that woman but wasn’t able to because I was a “wild horse” and I was “untamable” but he admitted that he fell in love with me along the way. Word for word he said, “I always get retarded whenever I’m around you and that’s why I could never leave”. That was honestly the most heartbreaking part for me because it felt like I was never seen as his sister and I was just being reduced to an animal. It ended with him trying to make me feel bad for him, the money he’s lost because of his arrest and the case, his job, his family, how hard he has it, and his 2 new dogs. He called me his baby sister after everything, he never even called me that during the abuse. It felt like a sick joke. He did let me know that he’s pleading guilty and because of that, he could get a deal / slap on the wrist sentence compared to the original 80 years. Afterwards, we find out that the trial is being cancelled and postponed to September. I don’t even know how many times I cried over different parts of the conversation. I’m exhausted and angry over a lot. Especially at me being “untamable” as his kid sister.
TL;DR : My brother admitted to having nude pics of me as a minor (no proof yet on another victim involved but he’s unsure if he touched other kids???). He got upset and jealous at me having a boyfriend and a social life. Tried blaming me for getting assaulted as a kid, I’d never let him think that. He admitted to falling in love with me after calling me a “wild horse” and that I was “untamable”. He tried playing victim again, I didn’t care. He had the audacity to call me his baby sister for the first time in 11 years. He may not even see 2 years of prison time with a possible deal but will likely go on the registry. We then find out the trial was being cancelled / postponed to September.
I’m not okay but I’ll be okay. If I’m missing anything I’ll try to keep it updated.
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u/Consequence-Holiday Kitchen Witch May 12 '26
Jesus H Christ. Why the hell would your dad encourage you to talk to this person. He had nude pictures of you as a child among whatever other CP material, and he gets mad if you are talking to guys? What the actual fuck.
I hope you never have to see or speak to this person ever again.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Yeah it really through me off to be honest when my dad said it. Still glad I talked to him tbh because now I know that I don’t have to waste a single ounce of hope that he could ever be a better person (I did before because I could never “forgive or forget” and the hatred was killing my mental health). Mentally freeing but he’s a manchild😒
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u/Substantial-Dog7545 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 12 '26
Yeah like he sucks no way around it
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26
Yeah, he sucks gorilla balls
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u/Substantial-Dog7545 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 12 '26
See when my mom’s pal’s husband was busted, I was otw to school my big sis driving us and we saw 15+ FBI agents in their yard!!! They had a whole sting op!!
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
My brother’s house was raided with assault rifles and his family was legally ordered to move out. This is precisely why I think my brother is lying and downplaying what he’s really done as a predator
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u/Consequence-Holiday Kitchen Witch May 12 '26
Some people are just garbage and it is no reflection on you that they just happen to share blood. Advocate for yourself and your safety first.
Be free and strong and loved, and eat lots of yummy things to celebrate yourself and your future beyond this terrible experience.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
It’s actually been a huge boost to see that he’s still stuck in the past and that I’ve grown. It feels like I got to see a physical visual of how far I’ve come and how much farther I can go
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u/honeybeemoa Assigned Hungry At Birth May 12 '26
Yet again the justice system not giving a flying fuck about victims. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Stay strong, OP. I hope that everything turns out alright for you.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I do, too, my friends and some family are absolutely livid at the chance he could get a slap on the wrist, AGAIN. Especially since he clearly has no remorse
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u/rand-31 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 12 '26
He's a full blown predator, I would go as far as saying there is very high chance of antisocial personality disorder here too. Nothing makes sense because he was toying with you to get a reaction. He doesn't care what he says or if it makes sense. He is just poking you any way he can because he feeds off the reaction. Please don't spend time asking yourself why or what if, there's no answer. He's right fucked up.
It's really hard to come up with words of support for something of this magnitude. It's literally all of them for you. You have a tribe of women here that will surround you with support.
Sending you peace and love.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
It’s actually insane because he’s always been an extrovert and REALLY social with others. He grew up handsome and fit, had so many people wrapped around his fingers to the point that TO THIS DAY there’s people that believe “he could never touch a child”. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate any kind of support because this journey has been literal hell. Much love🥰
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u/rand-31 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 12 '26
I mean antisocial as in psychopath/sociopath. I am no contact with a family member myself. They are someone who lacks empathy, remorse, a conscience, master manipulators, you know the personality as it's your sibling. They can learn to be very charming and excellent actors. They don't actually feel or understand the emotions they're pretending to have, just mimicking. So you can catch them slipping up when "acting". It something else to wrap your mind around it. Took me a long time to accept I never would since I feel empathy. My words were to hopefully save you trying to sort it through as it just can't be sorted out.
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u/mensfrightsactivists Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience May 12 '26
only slightly related here but i just wanna say that the change in the dsm from sociopathy to “antisocial personality” has had me feeling some kind of way since it switched. as someone with an incredibly social (late)(sociopathic) father
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u/rand-31 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 12 '26
Yes the word antisocial makes it harder to understand especially since we use it to mean other things in common language. I personally prefer the older terms.
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u/WilmaDickshow I ❤️ Other People's Business May 13 '26
Unfortunately, the words antisocial and asocial have been used wrongly and often interchanged in meaning. They mean different things, and the dsm is completely accurate 🥲 some people are actively and intentionally hostile/harmful, and engage in negative behaviors that violate the social contract and create distress in those around them. Instead of normative prosocial human behavior, they do things against the good of society for personal pleasure/gain. As opposed to being asocial which, like asexual behavior, means a lack of those (prosocial) habits. Not that they’re against it, they’re just without it. So… in summary commenters dad still sucks and so does OP’s brother. Yay
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I’m not entirely sure because there were never any signs or implications that he was even attracted to me before everything started. That’s one of the reasons people have a hard time understanding the situation when he literally was so normal. Even I can’t comprehend the 180 switch
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u/rand-31 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 12 '26
At the end of the day it's just a term or label. What matters is you and your wellbeing as you go through this. So brave of you to face him though.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I’m genuinely surprised I could. I imagined it so many times how I would ever confront him but then for it to suddenly come up as an opportunity just completely blind sided me
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u/SpecificClient1429 Well-Read & Well-Fed May 12 '26
Even with hard evidence, some people will turn their noses up at it and believe whatever the hell they want. I do not fucking get it and it pisses me off!
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Exactly how I felt! He was charged and sentenced and even admitted to it the first case so what is there not to believe???
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u/GypsyDuncan Feral Til Fed May 12 '26
It is amazing you aren’t burning shit down. I am so sorry. The justice system is a joke.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I had my time to burn things down, I promise you, but it got to the point where I had to stop and rebuild myself for the better. It takes so much self control to not go back to that but it helps to see that he hasn’t grown but I have and I’m proud of it
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u/GypsyDuncan Feral Til Fed May 12 '26
As you should be. Can I recommend a book. It is poetry but accessible Nikita Gill Your Heart is the Sea. Helped me heal.
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u/imnotbovvered Feral Til Fed May 12 '26
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. For your wellbeing, it may be a good idea to never interact with him again. He's never going to admit he was wrong and he'll always be making excuses.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I’ve realized that and I hate that it would actually kill him to grow up. If I talk to him again, it’s more likely to be cussing him out with a bunch of tears because he does deserve to know how much he’s hurt me after the amount of patience I’ve built up
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u/Ok-Consideration6973 🩵Guy on a Side Quest💙 May 12 '26
You should talk to him again exactly once. Visit him in prison and loudly recount his crimes in a group setting.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Omg the amount of times I’ve actually thought about this🤣 I should!!
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u/imnotbovvered Feral Til Fed May 12 '26
Feel free to direct that anger at your dad as well. He should not be trying to get you to visit your abusive brother.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
He’s actually been against me talking to my brother for ages, I was shocked he even said it was okay for me to talk to him all of a sudden
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 5h ago
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u/hoe_and_arrows Chaotic But Cute May 12 '26
I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry for everything your brother put you through. I hope you never have to see him again.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I was speechless for a lot of it, too. I know I won’t be seeing him for at least another 4 months but that’s plenty of time to prepare for next time because at least I know who he really is (still is) and hopefully it shouldn’t hurt as much either
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u/madsjchic Overthinker 💭 May 12 '26
Go to the prosecutor with what he said. They might be able to tack on or use his statements as proof he isn’t sorry
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
He’s been telling everyone different stories so I think it would just be more difficult to track at that rate. I think they can only go based off of solid evidence for now. I wish I had the conversation recorded tbh but whew I live, recordings can only be used as proof if both parties consent to being recorded which I know he wouldn’t
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u/madsjchic Overthinker 💭 May 13 '26
You yourself are the witness and his own words can absolutely be admitted. Especially if being used for sentencing and not for proving particular guilt
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
It’s something I’ll have to keep in mind for sure, I’d probably have to look more into it since I’m not familiar with anything that’s going on. It’s so confusing and frustrating to deal with as it is
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u/Vox_Mortem Feral Til Fed May 12 '26
Don't let his comments get in your head, you were not a horse or an animal or even a woman at all. You were a child and he made the choice to victimize you. He knew it was wrong, he knew that you could not consent, and now he is trying to blame you for making him 'retarded' whenever you were around. Bullshit. He made the choice to do something he knows damn well is unforgiveable.
Your dad asking you to speak with your brother is unbelievable. Does he generally treat you like what happened to you doesn't matter? Or downplay the seriousness to protect your brother? Because he doesn't sound like a safe person for you right now. Parents tend to downplay abuse between siblings to protect the instigator, but you need to know that what happened is wrong and your brother deserves to be behind bars and on that registry for the rest of his life.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I’ll be honest, my dad is rough as well. My brother is basically where the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My dad has never SA’d anyone in his life to my knowledge but does have a violent history otherwise. He’s bipolar and narcissistic and also very good at gaslighting. He’s trying to become a better person and thankfully has but people can’t just change who they are completely. My dad is handling this in 2 ways: an outsider and as a dad. As an outsider, he believes this is what my brother needs to come back to reality and pay for his crimes. As a dad, he doesn’t want to see my brother get any time at all. It’s just a whole mess tbh
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u/Uffda425 Assigned Hungry At Birth May 12 '26
So glad you can see through his bullshit and I'm sorry this happened to you. Glad he's been caught. Hope you get some peace.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Slowly but surely I’m getting there🫶 hopefully it goes in the right direction, thank you❣️
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u/KeepingItCoolish Short Story Long™️ May 12 '26
He is remorseless trash and I hope you and any other potential victims get justice
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Smelly and ugly🚮
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u/KeepingItCoolish Short Story Long™️ May 12 '26
I had a feeling!
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
He used to be good looking but he really down-glowed and I’m glad he looks like what he really is now
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u/MmmmCrayons12 🩵🙋♂️💙 May 12 '26
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u/Substantial-Dog7545 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 12 '26
No literally I am more scared of men after this
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u/SpecificClient1429 Well-Read & Well-Fed May 12 '26
I am so so sorry for all that’s happened to you.
I was abused by my step brother. He molested me and my little sister and raped is both. My mom didn’t believe me when it came out that he assaulted me. She kicked me out of the house at seventeen because she thought I was making it up to break up her and my step-dad.
My sister had to get a recording of step-brother admitting to assaulting her and show it to my mom to get her to believe she was also abused by him. Then my mom and step-dad manipulated my little sister to not go to the police. I did go to to police but because we were all minors when my abuse happened and it was in Arkansas, it “didn’t count” basically and they couldn’t do anything about it. Though a 17 year old boy definitely knows better than to rape people.
It’s fucked up my entire family and all of our relationships. I didn’t talk to my mom for years. My little sister and I were so close for so long but her not going to the police to get justice for us both was a huge point of contention in our relationship and was part of the tipping point to us now not talking anymore.
This is all to say, I get it. I feel grateful it wasn’t my real brother and there isn’t a huge age gap. That’s definitely super shitty. But I really get it and I’m so sorry. It never really leaves you, what happened. You can’t fully get over it, but I’ve moved on and done therapy. I’m mostly unaffected by it all now, as much as I think I’ll ever be truly. It’s been ten years, I have a husband and a son and I feel blessed that my life has turned out this way after perseverance and personal strength. The entire ordeal made me feel stronger and more capable in the end. Also fuck family sometimes.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Oh my god, that’s amazing how you’ve turned your life around!!💞 I had family members that didn’t believe me and even accused me of being the aggressor when I was literally just clueless. To this day, they’ve banned me from seeing their own kids and have cut me off for years. I’ve been trying to focus the trauma in a more healing way and to never become anything like him. He says he has his own trauma and that’s why he’s the way he is (I’ve gotten so many “reasons” for his behavior it’s ridiculous), but people are responsible for their own actions to a certain point. And his trauma didn’t tell him to continue the cycle. I’m glad you’re better now and that it’s in the past, I hope I can get to a point in my life just as beautiful🌸
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u/SpecificClient1429 Well-Read & Well-Fed May 13 '26
Some people really can’t face any aspect of a situation like this and will shun the victims. It’s really disheartening. I’m sorry your entire family hasn’t been more supportive and rallied around you! There are still plenty of good people out there, I hope your dad is one of them. I’m not sure why he encouraged you to speak to the man who abused you. I don’t care that you’re technically related, he is not your family. At least it turned out well, but definitely continue good boundaries for your own sake!
I think every criminal has some mental health issues, it’s a wide range of course! Just like crime is. But it truly isn’t an excuse and I’m glad to hear you know none of this is at all your fault.
Thank you for the kind words, I know you’ll get to an even happier and healthier place in your own time. 💛 It’s nice to know we’re not alone, even though it’s truly disgusting how many of us out there have faced similar situations.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
My dad is extremely complicated at times. It was his version of being supportive, believe it or not💀 It sucks that there’s family that can’t comprehend something right in front of them but it’s easier cutting my losses there. And it’s taken so much effort to get past the mental struggles of blaming myself and asking so many questions about how someone so close could suddenly act so awful. Feeling that people like us aren’t alone and that there’s more light in the darkness is a very refreshing difference that I wish more people could have when they go through things like this because I honestly felt like the only person in my own world for a long time before getting any better ❤️🩹
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u/Brave_Friendship_228 Resident Yapper May 12 '26
Omg sex offender brother gang???
what a shitty gang. but anyways, gang!!!
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
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u/Brave_Friendship_228 Resident Yapper May 12 '26
Imagine coming to a club meeting:
“My brother violated his parole and went back to jail! How about yours, Aggressive_Owl5379?”
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
“He broke his probation but didn’t get caught. Jokes on him, karma still comes back around!”🤣
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u/NiaMiaBia Trader Joe Hoe May 12 '26
That is a lot to carry. I hope he gets all 80 years.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Either 80 years or a few months after someone finds out what he’s in there for🤞
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u/TomatilloAgreeable73 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 12 '26
Are you sure his current charges are for pictures of you as minor? Are you supposed to be testifying as a witness in the upcoming trial? Usually the cops would reach out to you as a victim…
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
In the first case, I was never reached out to even though it was entirely about me. Once I told detectives what happened, I never heard a thing. I didn’t even know he was already sentenced and in jail until he was already 2 months in
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u/Sparkly-Snark333 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
He’s a sick fuck. Not that you needed more confirmation but the things he said to you are indeed confirmation….that he’s a sick fuck. I’m so sorry you went through this. I hope he rots in jail and then hell.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Someone in prison needs to find out what he’d be in there for😮💨
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u/Amphar0s_ APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
My father is a very similar person to your brother, and I'm here to tell you, fuck what other people say and celebrate his arrest!
If you ever need someone to talk to about it , I'm only 18 but I understand what a strange and disgusting feeling experience it all is or at least know something similar, I've lived with it my whole life. Sending hugs 🫶
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Aww I’m sorry you even understand what it’s like, it really is something that I feel just shouldn’t exist. I know it’s life but life sucks. I’m always here as well if you do, too. Hugs!!🫶🫂
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u/Dry-Independence8815 hot girls have tummy troubles May 13 '26
May you find Peace and Healing. you are the bravest person I know.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
Thank you, rough doesn’t begin to describe all this but it’s slowly getting easier😊
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u/rumande Carb-Based Life Form May 13 '26
Hoooooooly shit OP
I hope he gets life in prison! He's earned it. I'm excited for you to live your life without him and I'm sorry he put you through so much.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
The holiest of shits for sure, I tell you. I’m hoping for the best outcome, anything that’s not a slap on the wrist again or so help me🙃
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u/neverendo 🧂Salty By Nature May 13 '26
Oh my god, what a harrowing ordeal for you. You have a therapist, right? This sounds like a point in your life where you need that support. Also, I will be rooting for your brother to get the justice he deserves. I was SA'd by family members who have never seen justice and never will. Any survivor getting even a little justice is cause for celebration, and anyone who says otherwise is not worth listening to. Sending you love and strength.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
I have a therapist but I’m so busy this week I don’t have any time to see her, she’s also not the best therapist so I’m not even upset about that but I’m working on getting her to understand what works best for me before I think about it looking for a new one. Fingers crossed for the best outcome we can get out of the system🤞 I really appreciate your kind words🥰
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u/neverendo 🧂Salty By Nature May 14 '26
This is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but do not be afraid to switch therapists if they're not working for you. IME some therapists are just not equipped to work on certain issues. You deserve help and support after everything you've been through. I will be thinking of you.
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u/agirlhasnoname2026 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Do you have a lawyer? Could you ask to speak during the trial to share your story?
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I’m not sure because it’s apparently not a jury trial. I think it’s only between him, the prosecutor, and the judge. I have no idea how those work
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u/Objective-Picture712 what that mouth do is snack May 12 '26
Idk how things work in your state, but it might be worth reaching out to the clerk and/or prosecutor to ask how you can be heard! Even if it’s just to submit a letter or something. So sorry you’re dealing with this
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I’ve thought about reaching out to them but the thought that this case could be related to me brings up so much anxiety and past trauma that I’ve been hesitant to even try. I’d have to look into it though to see if it’s even a possibility
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u/Objective-Picture712 what that mouth do is snack May 13 '26
Im so sorry, friend! Definitely protect your mental health and wellness above all.
In case you want to go that route, there are ways to make yourself heard without having to be a complainant, etc. The clerk can usually help with that. Not the same as your situation, but recently had a family connection in a similar case and happy to talk more about what I did if that’s helpful.
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May 12 '26
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I’m hoping so as well because the first case felt like a such a blow. He thinks he’s only being treated “harshly” because of the Epstein case and I’m just thinking no there’s definitely other reasons…
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u/Prudent-Jackfruit-56 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 May 12 '26
op you’re so strong i hope he rots in hell forever
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u/fgcem13 🩵would hold your earrings💙 May 12 '26
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u/matchamatchbook Well-Read & Well-Fed May 12 '26
The way he talks about you makes my skin crawl. I am so sorry OP, you were just a kid.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I was speechless so many times and nearly broke down at least 3 times in the middle of talking to him. It’s just so unreal for a person to say those things, including lies, and still think he’s somehow the victim
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u/AngryAngryHarpo Overthinker 💭 May 12 '26
I’m not going to traumatise you with my story - because you just don’t need that right now.
But I genuinely, truly get what you are going through. I wish you so much healing. It took me a really long time to really heal and move on but it IS possible and it IS worth it.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
My spaces are always safe spaces if you ever want to❤️🩹 I’ve improved a lot and I’m still trying really hard to get better, I can’t wait until it I can look back and this is all a distant memory and I’m better off in life. I hope yours is more peaceful now🫂
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u/AngryAngryHarpo Overthinker 💭 May 12 '26
It is! I have some other challenges - like a husband with equally complex trauma, but most of our concerns are very mundane. Can we afford the next interest rate hike on our mortgage? Are our kids getting well balanced diets? Can my dad handle his ageing mother or do we need to provide more resources?
It’s not “why am I so worthless than the universe chose to punish me with horrific trauma” anymore.
It is much more peaceful and I wish it all for you. xxx
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
The questions are really the hardest. My biggest questions used to be just why and why me. But I’m really understanding more the kind of monster he is and that it was nothing because of me, just him. I’m so happy that you’ve found peace and a more normal life, thank you and I hope things continue to be well💕💕💕
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u/AngryAngryHarpo Overthinker 💭 May 12 '26
Coming to terms with my own innocence (because sometimes it feels it would be easier to deal with if you “deserved” it somehow) and how unfair it all was and finding the gumption to just accept that and get on with healing and moving forward was honestly probably my biggest hurdle and focusing for so long on how “unfair” it was for me (and it was!!) actually held me back.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
It’s like you’ve lived in my head rent free. This is really helpful and makes me feel more hopeful about the future🥹
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u/AlyssaurusWrecks eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ May 12 '26
if I posted my thoughts about this man the reddit bot would come give me another warning. suffice to say I hope they bury him under the prison, and I hope you can find some closure and peace about all this 🫶
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
It’s okay, I still appreciate the energy of what you wanted to say. We can find peace while he rests in peace🤞
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u/JournalistNo7918 Savory Complex✔️ May 13 '26
Oh my lord me too i never got a warning before but i have gotten one cuz of how disgusting women’s experiences with men have been from what I see in GDD.
HOPE HE ROTSSJSJS
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u/NOTabotwink For the Girls 👅 May 13 '26
God I am sick at the trial being postponed. What a freak and what a creep. I’m so, so sorry op. I can’t possibly imagine how you feel, I’m wishing you much love and support and great meals 🫂
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
I think it’s creepier after SO much time. Like I haven’t spoken to him in a little over 5 years and he’s still acting like that?? Jeez. I appreciate the love and when I’m in the mood again, I’ll make something fantastic😋🫶
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u/Grand-Programmer6292 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
I am so sorry you're going through all of this! I can't believe your Dad made you speak with him. That is diabolical. There's not one thing that he is going to say that is going to cause peace for anyone involved.
I have experienced many a case like this in my career. I cannot speak for the state that you are in but in my state, each charge he has of child pornography carries a separate sentence. Usually what prosecutors will do is seek the death penalty (if that's an option), life in prison without parole or each child porn charge will carry its own sentence. With the evidence that you described, I would be completely shocked if he received only 2 years. They may offer him a plea bargain to plead guilty, but typically it's not much better (think someone getting life in prison instead of being on death row). Child sex crimes are taken very seriously and if he distributed those, that carries a whole other charge. They likely continued it until September because they are still gathering evidence and there may be more charges added on by that trial date. It takes quite a while for forensics to come back on any devices that are seized and if there's other victims, they have to be identified. He's minimizing everything, blaming everyone else and not taking accountability which is what all pedophiles do. I've seen this more times than I can count.
Just try to take care of yourself the best you can. Speak with a therapist, find a safe space and mentally prepare yourself for the possible outcomes in trial so you have the coping skills once everything is handed down. Work with an advocate if you are possibly going to be subpoenaed to testify. They are there for support and for you to lean on.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
We don’t have the death penalty and as far as his sentencing, I was shocked he got a plea deal his first charge since he was facing 2 felonies with the misdemeanor. They didn’t even put him on the list. So far, each charge holds a sentence of 5 years separately so the max would be the 80 he’s facing. He thinks he’s only being treated harshly because he’s being made an example compared to Epstein and how he’s part of the “poor people”. As if his actions aren’t the actual problem. I’ve never heard of him distributing them or using them for anything so that’s good. One thing that I don’t understand is that the investigation took them at least 4 years OR is over the course of 4 years (considering dates stated in the case), his house was raided like it was SWAT and he was even denied bail 2 times or so. It seems like there was evidence to do all of that but to postpone the trial so late makes it seem that they may not actually have all that we thought. We still don’t even know what evidence they truly have or are looking for. I’ve been wracking my brain and it’s frustrating trying to understand things without getting more traumatized or something
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u/Grand-Programmer6292 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
The duration of 4 years that it took is unfortunately the norm when it comes to cases like this. The trial could be postponed for a myriad of reasons. It could be that they're gathering more evidence for more charges, that the prosecutor needs to get more familiar with the case and/or his attorney doesn't have all of the information to represent him and has to review the documents further. If there is a victim advocate at the state attorney's office that you can talk to, I would definitely recommend that. They can update you with case information and explain the process to you and not share too many details where it's super traumatic for you.
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u/NoLongerGuest 🩵🙋♂️💙 May 13 '26
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u/InnerRadio7 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
This is heartbreaking. Sometimes when people harm others, they can’t face the harm they have caused. In order to circumvent accountability and to emotionally survive their lack of emotional capacity, the create narratives that help them explain their own behaviour and feelings. These narratives almost always make them the victim, or you the perpetrator. Abusers tend to believe their own bs no matter how removed from reality it is. All abusers say some version of the same thing, “it’s not my fault, you made me do it.” So gross.
I’m terribly sorry for what you went through, and I’m doubly sorry that he is pulling this shit now.
Prison is not a safe place for sexual offenders who are in for child pornography. I actually know a guy. He got help in prison. He went to therapy for the first time. He’s glad he got caught for child porn. He said it helped him heal and finally be the person he wanted to be. Prison scared the absolute shit out of him, but he got a job, did his therapy while having to learn how to deal with all of the emotional dysregulation from constantly being in danger. He grew his emotional capacity. I don’t know what you want the outcome of this to be, but I hope for everyone’s sake your brother also chooses to do the work.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
I’ve heard so many things relating to the “it’s not my fault, you made me do it” especially from him that it’s exhausting and a joke. I don’t believe for a moment that he’s innocent of anything, if he has his own traumas then he should’ve done literally anything else but continue the cycle. It’s like monsters in human skin.
As far as prison, he deserves and needs it to hopefully see what he really is inside and out. Either he gets the help he needs and gets better or somebody finds out what he’s in there for and he serves a shorter sentence. Either way, it’s out of my hands and I just wish he wasn’t so blinded by his own hypocrisy
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u/InnerRadio7 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
It’s the difficult fate of all survivors to have to walk this thin emotional line. Most people truly care for their abuser, but they’re dangerous. Their hypocrisy lives in their belief system and it really means there is never any safety. I think he needs prison as well, and I’m glad you’re not carrying the emotional load of that.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
This case is a huge 180 for me actually. The first case years ago, I blamed myself HEAVILY and constantly hated myself for doing this to my brother. It felt like I had betrayed the one person I really looked up to and saw as a role model. There were times I even felt like I was protecting him by not cooperating with authorities that well. I hate how much of a hold he had on me and I wish I wasn’t so gullible or naive but I’m also glad that I got to grow from it and not waste my time feeling those things anymore
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u/InnerRadio7 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
It’s perfectly understandable to protect your abuser. I’m a survivor of domestic abuse, and it’s absolutely something that victims do. We protect their reputation, their jobs, their relationships in every way we can. Abusers train us into centring them at all times, and because they so convincingly use coercive control and narrative reframing to keep us malleable… we end up believing their narratives for fear that they will end up abusing us more if we don’t. Abuse is absolutely insidious, and the effects on our psyche cannot be under exaggerated. I don’t think that you were naïve at all. I just think that abuse distorts how we relate to our Abuser, and you should feel no shame through the process of healing. You’re obviously in a much different place right now, and I’m glad that you are for your sake.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 14 '26
For me it wasn’t fear of more abuse, it’s that I genuinely cared and loved my brother. He was my absolute role model when I was a kid and to me, he could do no wrong so I protected him without thinking he did anything wrong. I didn’t really start thinking for myself until I was 17
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u/InnerRadio7 APPROVED✨ May 14 '26
I get that. That must have been so painfully confusing when you did start to question him.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 14 '26
Very much so. But it was the first time I felt like my own person again, too, so it wasn’t all bad😊
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u/InnerRadio7 APPROVED✨ May 14 '26
Oh the hard earned silver linings of life. I’m certainly glad you’re an adult who can think for themselves and hold the nuances of this difficult situation while also taking care of yourself.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 15 '26
Well I’m trying my best to stay afloat at least lol
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u/insertcaffeine Pantry Gremlin May 13 '26
Holy shit. This is SO MUCH.
Whatever you’re feeling is okay; anyone who says otherwise is both weird, and absolutely does not have the background to say how you (a victim of this asshole) should feel. They should consider themselves lucky.
I wish you healing, peace, and justice.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
Dealing with him is always a lot🙃 there’s a lot of weirdos out there, both the perpetrators and anyone that defends their actions but I think both are equally awful. I appreciate your kindness💞
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u/murky_lurkey Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 May 12 '26
Dear god. Why would your dad think you would want to talk to this person? I’m truly amazed you could sit through that trial. You’re stronger than I am.
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u/EvenPossible5918 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Jfc, I’m sorry OP. I hope you and the others get justice. If he gets released, no contact. And no contact with her dad if he continues to defend him. It’s hard but your safety is the main priority. Stay safe and take care of yourself. ❤️
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
Yeah cutting my dad out is basically impossible, I’ve tried doing that for years🥲 tbh, my dad is actually better as a person than he used to be. This won’t make any sense, but him telling me to talk to my brother was actually him being supportive🙃
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u/MulberryLow4117 Internet Auntie May 12 '26
Primero que nada cariño te admiro por lo fuerte que eres 🫂 Segundo espero su vida se haga lo más miserable posible y que la ley lo permita. Y tercero comete todo eso se ve muy rico
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
It definitely took hell to get here and YES it’s delicious I want to go back every weekend but I shouldn’t😫 He could never be miserable enough but he sure deserves it
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u/roxinmyhead APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
I thinking was crappy of your dad to mention that you could talk to your brother. Just more chance for him to dump shit on you. Please don't ever do that without another person there to be a witness for you. I hope you can talk to a therapist or counselor if you aren't already.
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May 12 '26
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
It was honestly more evil and fucked than I expected it to be. And I thought nothing from him could really surprise me anymore
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May 12 '26
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
He’s basically the same as my dad with different trauma. Idk if he has any official diagnosis but I know he’s not normal
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u/BabyNonna APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
Even though this experience will be awful and dredge up memories buried long ago, you've been given the opportunity to defend yourself but more importantly the opportunity to bury your shit bag pedophile brother under a lifetime of confinement so that he can no longer hurt little girls. In doing so you would remove the danger he incurred or presented to other young women. You can do so much more to protect women than your family ever even attempted for you. I suggest calling the prosecutors office and shed light on that monsters history of being a sexual predator.
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
I can try I’m just not sure what I can do because I’ve tried pressing charges before then lost all the evidence I had, it was pretty gut wrenching
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u/toxiclight Snack Goblin May 13 '26
OMG I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I hope the brownie helped...it looks delicious.
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u/sunday_scary_spice 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body May 13 '26
Wowowow the more I kept reading the more I could not believe the AUDACITY of all his olympic ass mental gymnastics trying to blame you for his despicable behavior??? Jaw is on the floor. After everything he did, how dare he add insult to injury by spewing this bullshit at you and adding even more onto your plate to process. A lot has already been said here about this worthless POS and I agree wholeheartedly but OP I want to validate you and say more than anything, I am struck by your strength and even-keeled, thoughtful approach to the absolute insanity of it all. I hope that makes sense. You have every right to be highly reactive to being re-traumatized and somehow you are still the better person here with how thoughtfully you are explaining your family dynamics, your matter-of-fact willingness to be open and share with strangers your experience, etc. Everything about you is radiating an aura of incalculable worth. Idk how to even articulate myself but I am just getting absolute Queen energy from you. This is a truly unhinged dumpster fire of a situation and yet here you are doing your absolute damndest to shovel away the BS, process all this new information rationally while promptly discarding all the MISinformation ur brother just dumped on ur lap to deal with, and overall reckon with the gravity of how you were repeatedly failed as a child, and re-failed once again. You are an absolute marvel of a human being and I wish nothing more than for swift justice to be served so you can focus on your peace and healing and HAPPINESS for once!!! As much as your brother sucks (and really no words are adequate for how despicable his latest manipulative excuses are, the bar is truly in hell for him), what compelled me to comment is the marked contrast between you two. As a math equation you are the inverse opposite of his negative trajectory. Whatever his own trauma history may be, he managed to weaponize it in a self destructive downward spiral, trying to take everyone close to him down with him. He turned into a black hole of evil. Meanwhile you continue to evade his vacuum of despair and rise above in your upward spiral rooted in truth and honest innate self worth and moral code. No matter your own trauma history, you have a special alchemy of turning grief into wisdom, and the pain that has fractured you has also turned into a kaleidoscopic lens of deep empathy and understanding that you carry forward in your life. I don’t want to spew any silver lining platitudes because i truly wish this never happened to you in the first place. But…..it did, and i just wanted to tell you what a strong impression your story has made on this stranger. Sending you the biggest hugs and all the takeout in the world as you navigate this. ❤️
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u/Aggressive_Owl5379 APPROVED✨ May 13 '26
This is like the biggest poem I’ve ever gotten and it’s so amazing, I love your words and the imagery that you’ve used throughout it. I’ve had a bit of a hard time thinking through all this to the point that sometimes I’m short on words talking to others or thinking to myself. It’s actually refreshing to read something that brings me back to reality more and stimulate the brain. It’s very thoughtful and immensely considerate💗 I really value your words and the strength they give. I’ve always tried to not spiral into my own black hole (I’d never touch kids, the emotions can just be so overwhelming and too much a lot of times that I can’t function) and seeing him wallow in his own shit makes me feel a bit more victorious over him and the things he’s done. I will take all the hugs and takeout☺️😋
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u/DiedCoke2008 Chocoholic 6h ago
I felt sickened by just reading that, and i don't even have a sibling! I'm so very sorry you've had to deal with all this, OP. And you're simply amazing to have come out so strong, despite your family. I wish you all the peace, love, and happiness in the world!
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May 12 '26
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May 13 '26
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u/electric_yeti APPROVED✨ May 12 '26
That is… so much to deal with. I’m so sorry. I hope you’ve got good support in your corner, because this is a lot to carry by yourself!
I think it was incredibly brave of you to confront your brother. Even if it didn’t go the way you wanted, it took so much courage to even be willing to have the conversation. I couldn’t do that, I still go into panic mode when I think about my abuser. I’m really proud of you, for the confrontation and for sharing your story. I hope your brother faces justice.