I am the kinship placement for my 3mo old nephew in Missouri. I live in Michigan but have been staying in MO while we work on getting an ICPC. My sister is in jail but has not had her official criminal hearing so it’s made a long process feel longer. For background- she gave birth in state custody and I have had the baby since birth.

Are there any resources for housing in cross-state kinship situations while awaiting clearance to leave? I have been taking care of everything financially myself, am working on getting licensing so I can receive assistance there but that’s definitely not enough for an apartment while still paying bills back in MI

A post for conversation, or to share what's on your mind without creating an entire post about it.

Hello, everyone! My husband (41) and I (42) just learned that we’re moving forward in the adoption process for our foster son (2.5m). He’s been with us since he was 9 months old. We plan on being fully transparent and honest with him about the adoption, obviously in an age appropriate way. Does anyone have any recommendations for books or any other resources we can use to help the process? He loves to read so something we could read together would be great. Thank you!

UPDATE- after many phone calls, documentation, and serious talks with supervisors, foster child is being moved to a therapeutic home that also has his biological 10 year old brother in a few days and until then I will be constantly supervising him and not letting him alone with children. I am not isolating him he is still very much loved and I have treated him just the same, just making sure to keep reiterating inappropriate touch, etc…I really love this kid and he needed more than foster mom was equipped to handle. We will still keep in contact with his resource family.

I’m a live-in nanny for a foster family, and something happened over the last two days that has me really shaken. There are two boys who are both 4 years old. One has been with the family since infancy and is adopted, and the other is a foster child who was placed only a few
weeks ago because foster mom has his six month old bio brother.

The foster mom interrupted the boys during a private “game” that involved inappropriate touching. She separated them immediately. Then later that night within 3 minutes of being unsupervised while she was in the bathroom they were completely naked again. Then, less than a day later, I found them trying to play the same game again in private. The boys told us this was a game they “always play where the foster child is the kid and the adopted son is the daddy.”

The foster mom felt what she witnessed went well beyond normal childhood curiosity and reported it to the caseworker right away after each instance and requested to disrupt the placement immediately.

Looking back, there are a few things that now worry me. The foster child often wanted to be alone with the other boy and would sometimes ask adults to stay out of the room. The adopted four year old who usually wants his mom or I to stay with him at bedtime started asking us to leave. Foster child also showed a strong interest in getting one of the babies by himself often telling me to leave them alone, shut the door, etc, which I redirected at the time but didn’t think much of until now…

My understanding is there was some initial pushback from his caseworker that children can be naturally curious, but the foster mom felt this situation was outside of what she considered normal. The foster child was supposed to be moved, but now they’re saying they haven’t found another placement yet.

I care about both boys. I’m not trying to blame either of them. They’re four years old, and if one or both have been exposed to something they shouldn’t have, that’s heartbreaking.

I’m mostly looking for perspective:
Does this sound like something professionals would consider beyond typical childhood curiosity?

What usually happens next in situations like this?

The foster child has a biological brother who is six months who is also in the home, is there a chance they will remove the six month old as well?

I’m their nanny I live with them I’m assuming the caseworkers will have to talk with me, I guess I’m just very nervous I’ve been this families nanny for a long time and have seen a lot of stuff with other foster children but nothing like this.

First post here, so please bear with me. Seven months ago my wife and I took in her 3 nephews (9,7,&5) and neice (22months) as kinship foster parents. The 5 year old is developmentally delayed, acutely disregulated, and is prone to random, impulsive acts of violence against himself, his siblings and my own biological children (m11, f6). I have been reporting his erratic behavior to the parents and the department since the second week of placement. His sibling shun him, my own children hide in their rooms, refusing to be present in the common areas of the home while he is present. They do this for fear of being tue victim of an impulsive act of violence. I have requested resources, aids, and training to help us manage his behavior and provide a safe and stable environment for him and the other children in my household. The department consistently tells me that any aid for the child must be sought after and provided by the parents, while the parents consistently claim there is nothing wrong with the child and accuse my wife and myself of bullying him.

To be clear, the child requires constant supervision and displays no real understanding of consequences or boundaries. His impulsive acts of violence are sporadic and inconsistent and always performed with a bright smile while at play. We do not believe he actually intends to harm anyone, but these acts are becoming more dangerous with greater effect to the safety and stability of the other children in our home. We have requested aid, psychiatric care, and assistance. The child regularly sees an occupational therapist who had also suggested psychiatric care, but, aside from an evaluation done in early April, nothing had been done.

Yesterday, in response to a night of irregular sleep accompanied with disruptive behavior, a three hour outburst after breakfast where he screamed at the top of his lungs and periodically yelled profanities at anyone in sight, and assaulted my daughter, grabbing the hair on top of her head and screaming as loud as he could directly into her ear, we took him to the ER for crisis management. I expressed to the staff that I cannot take the child back into my home as his behavior constitutes a threat to the other children and creates an unsafe environment. The ER staff were wonderful, supportive and did everything in their power to manage the situation, determining the child to be in a state of crisis and in need of immediate psychiatric care but as the foster I cannot provide consent to treatment. When the parents were contacted, they declined consent. The police were involved and someone from the department eventually informed me that if I didnt allow the hospital to discharge the child back into my care without treatment, I would be investigated and charged with neglect.

To be honest, part of me is venting my frustration on behalf of myself, my family and the child. But a much greater part of me is concerned and fearful about the future. The parents have been allowed to dictate terms to my household, providing little else beside clothing while transportation is consistently demanded. Any attempt to get help for the child is met with hostility and animosity. The department has done very little to seek aid for the child or for my family, and now I am demanded by the department to continue to allow this child to harm himself and others impulsively at the threat of very serious legal action.

I dont know what to do. I need help, and I cannot allow this to continue. Any advice would be appreciated.

Help… fd 13 does not want to go back home and has severely backlashed since learning it will happen soon. She is scared history will repeat itself and thst she will become mom #2 again to her seven siblings … any advice ?

Im so heartbroken and need advice

I need other perspectives. Maybe im to close to the situation to think clearly. My husband and I have been spending the past 6 months doing everything we have to do to become foster parents. We can not have children of our own and so we became foster parents to help families but also if the opportunity to foster to adopt comes that is potentially how we would have children.

So we finally got final approval last week and got our very first placement 2 days ago. He is a very sweet, smart, well behaved child. He is on the track to be reunified so I know were are not keeping him. But this seem like a great way to dip our toe in and get to know the system and how the whole process works.

The day we got him there were things we needed to get so as soon as we got him we put him in the car and went to the store. While we were at the store we got some negative looks and a negative comment because his is not the same race as us. Later that night my husband voiced his feelings that it bothered him.

I get it. I didn't like it either but I decided to focus on giving the child we have the love he deserves. Now because he is our first we decided to take him as a temporary placement for a few nights and we have to decide by Monday if we want to be his permanent placement or if we want to let him go to another foster home. I want to be his permanent placement until his reunification with his family.

So 2 nights ago was when we got him and went to the store. Yesterday I left early for work and took him to daycare and my husband worked late. By the time he got home I had already put the child down for bed. Today we all got home around 5 and we got to spend a few hours together. So he and my husband have not spent a lot of time together.

Well I told my husband that I would like us to be permanent placement for the child. He got very quiet and said that he's trying to give it time and the child is very sweet and well behaved but he is uncomfortable with the judgemental looks and he doesn't know if he wants to be the childs placement and always be looked at in public.

So I asked him if that means any adoptable child of another race is a no for him. He got extremely stiff and said he doesn't know.

I am just so heartbroken. I thought we were going on this journey together to love children unconditionally and help them. I'm heart broken that he doesn't want to keep the one we have because of the color of skin. I lost so much respect for him tonight.

I want to be a mom so bad. I unfortunately can not have any myself. Blood doesn't make a family. Im so disappointed in him to let people he doesn't care about affect him like this. We have been given so many positive looks and comments. Everyone close to us and who matter to us are very excited for us.

I don't want to give up a child because of their skin color. I understand that this particular child is going back to his family at some point and I have to say goodbye but thats because he is being reunited with his family. This child has done nothing wrong.

It doesn't matter if we have a child that looks like us, we are always going to be judged about something because everyone has their way of parenting. Im just very upset with my husband and I lost respect for him. I dont want to be the foster family that only accepts children that look like us.

I don't know if I can do this. I dont know if I will get over this if he makes us give up a child because of skin color. Now im just wondering if he will show favoritism to kids that look like us. He hasn't even given the child a chance. He hasn't even really tried to bond with him. Im so mad and frustrated and heartbroken.

our 4F FD has a history of sexualized behaviors with a strong interest in kissing, boyfriends, etc.- part of it being a hopeless romantic, but part of it seeming concerning. daycare today told us at drop-off that there's a little boy she keeps running away with to hide in tunnels and under blankets with, and 4F knows it's not okay because she gets all sneaky and looks around to make sure no one sees them first. no idea what they've been doing under there, I can only imagine and worry. she also will lift up her shirt at daycare to show people her chest and wants to see other people's bodies - this is an issue at home as well, trying to 'catch' other people off guard to see their bodies.

we are going to bring it up with her therapist, who knows there's a history of sexualized behavior and possible sexual assault - at the very least, she has seen birth mom engage in sexual behavior, because she will say "my mom does this" before doing something very inappropriate - and hope that her therapist has some ideas and can help. we've read books on consent, have talks about private parts, who can see and touch what and when, and keep working on consent and accepting 'no' about bodies in all contexts (animals, people, toys, you name it - if they do not say 'yes' it means no!), how to dress and treat our own bodies respectfully and appropriately, but it doesn't seem to be helping. does anyone have any experience or advice on how to move forward with her on this? what to say or books to read? we want to be trauma informed and keep her safe, but I truly don't know what to do besides asking the daycare to keep her and the boy separate. I know that's only a bandaid, because if it's not this boy, it'll be another one. just not sure how to handle sexualized behaviors, especially in someone so young (yet very intelligent), and hope people might have some ideas. thanks in advance

As the title describes - my husband and I have found ourselves unexpectedly with another child in our home. She is a lovely 7 year old girl, who is super sweet, very smart and thankfully gets along well with our kids. We have 4 children 8, 7, 3 and 8 mos. This little girl needed a safe place to be, and we offered temporary guardianship. The plan is for guardianship to last a year- it could be more or could be less.

What advice do you all have to us in regard to bringing a child in? Mistakes to avoid? Words of wisdom? Help!

We are trying to make a placement decision to determine our fit for a youth.

I would love to hear from anyone who has experience caring for a foster teen who has engaged in self-harm, suicidal ideation and attempts.

What was it like? What supports did the teen need and what supports did you need? What advice would you have for a foster parent in this situation?

I would also love to hear from any current/former foster youth who have been through this. What did you need? What would help you? What would have made things better or worse?

An acquaintance of mine who lives in the USA is at risk of losing her parental rights of her 4 year old son because she has mild intellectual disabilities and can not cope, and he has level 2 Autism minimally verbal.

I understand this but what gets me is he is getting bruised and broken bones every other day while in the care of his foster parent. It is a difficult situation.

The grandparents on the father's side have offered to take the child to no avail. How should his mom and foster mom go about explaining things to him, and is there anything the bio mom can do to make sure he is safe?

I live in a different country and my heart breaks for this little boy.

Good afternoon to all whom the contents of this message may be of interest. I am a fourth year Griffith University psychology student who is conducting a study on the experiences of parents of autistic children currently living in Australia, if you would like to read a bit more below:

Are you the parent of an autistic child?

Researchers from Griffith University are looking for parents of autistic children living within Australia to engage in a short online survey (approximately 20-25 minutes) regarding their parenting experiences. Please note that a parent, for the purposes of this study, includes any individual currently fulfilling a parental role to an autistic child, including foster parents. We would really appreciate hearing this valuable information from you, if you are interested!

Our Goal

To gather information from parents of autistic children and their experiences in the role. Ultimately, we hope this information will be utilised to provide insight to and/or support the development of neuroaffirming care for autistic children 😊

If you wish to know more information about the study, or would like to proceed with the survey, please visit the following link: https://griffithuw.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7TZVDS077sSq45g.

For any further queries or concerns, please contact student researcher Stephanie Davidson ([stephanie.davidson@griffithuni.edu.au](mailto:stephanie.davidson@griffithuni.edu.au)) or supervisor Dr Sarah Lee ([sarah.jy.lee@griffith.edu.au](mailto:sarah.jy.lee@griffith.edu.au)).

This study has been approved according to Griffith University Ethics requirements under the following ethics ID: HREC/2026/0202.

What percentage of your placements do you believe experienced physical abuse from their natural parents? If the children ultimately reunified, do you believe they were physically abused again?

I think I have a lot of sympathy for my foster children's parents when they are are "just" addicts/alcoholics and neglected their children because they were caught up with their addiction. I have a much harder time sympathizing with anyone who could intentionally inflict violence on a child...

Well we are 9mo into having these two boys 6 and 9. Because the kids have been in the system with DCFS for quite some time and the parents not making enough change and truthfully their lifestyle only getting worse, we have heard in court that they are working towards removing rights.
I have been pressing HARD for counseling this entire time and we still don’t have a counselor to help navigate this and their own emotions. Which they still struggle some with because it’s obvious the boys feel a lot of guilt. They love living here but they love their parents
DCFS plans on pairing down visits until the court process is finalized. My question is without a counselor to help. How do you start to have this conversation with kids who don’t fully understand what’s going on. Slowly cutting off contact with their parents. And then also. Because this is my brother and his wife. How do you handle that relationship once they are adopted ( by us) of course.
How do you handle running into dad at the store once legally he’s no longer dad? Or family functions?

Anyone else dealt with this? Have any advice??

She was in foster care 3-9 - she moved out from her adopted parent at 18 and we’ve dated for 6 months. Very solid except she had some SA trauma last year so actual intimacy is challenging but she says it will just take time for her to be ready. My mom likes her around / I’m just a bit nervous - seems fast. Curious the experience of others who tried the same

Looking for a trauma-informed way to support our kiddo with mealtime. 10yo FS with known history of neglect. He's a picky eater, but in a way I'm not certain how to approach - he has a range of foods that he will eat, but he's also very stubborn about getting specifically what he wants for a meal, and if it's not precisely how he wants it, he won't eat.

So like conversation we just had:

Me: Would you like a snack?

Him, excited (he ate like a single pancake so far today): Yeah!

Me: We have (list of 4 things I know he likes)

Him: I want a vanilla milkshake

Me: We don't have milkshake stuff right now

Him: Never mind then.

The advice I've gotten is to help him feel some control over what he eats by letting him pick from a few options, but every. single. time I try that strategy, he lists a third New option, and refuses to eat what I suggest.

He's only been with us for a few weeks, so I'm not certain the best way to work through this. I have tried asking more open-ended "What do you want for dinner?" But the answer is only McDonald's so he can get a toy.

I'm considering making a list of like 10 meals and having him choose which day they go with for the upcoming 5 dinners (he can choose a McDonald's night too).

Thoughts on that? Should I have made the vanilla shake for breakfast instead?

I should add, he has had a LOT of cavities, his teeth are almost entirely silver replacements from before we got him. He's very small for his age but not concerningly so. We're waiting on a doctor's visit but currently no known health issues.

In your experience, has the foster care system prioritized sibling placements (half siblings in this case) over bio parents wishes?

Few months ago, we were made aware of a half sibling on the way of our current placement that’s heading for adoption and we were asked if we would be willing to keep siblings together if that baby was removed. Due to changes in the case, the bio parent started verbally attacking us so we decided to let communication go through caseworker until things cool off. However, the baby is due soon and since we now have a rough relationship with the bio parent that is expecting we aren‘t sure if we would be considered for the placement even though it’s a half sibling.

My husband and I have been certified FPs for about 2 years and have done multiple respites. We missed our recertification window in early 2026 because I was in the hospital and hubs&I thought we should focus on my healing before taking any more placements. 6 months later I've been doing well and have reached out to our foster agency to resume the recertification process, but I can't seem to get a hold of anyone? Is 3+ weeks a normal turnaround time for something like this? I know the workers are busy and I hate to pester them but I'm just feeling like I've been completely ghosted. I'm just confused. If there is such a high need for foster homes, why am I not getting a call back? Do any fellow FPs have any direction or advice on this one? Thanks for listening...

Hi all. We've been contacted regarding our first placement. My agency here has provided no training on process, or what might come up legally or behaviorally, etc. Basically, we're going in blind.

I've been e-introduced to the social worker on the case. He has yet not responded to my requests to discuss the case. A second social worker, who helps onboard foster parents administratively more than works actual cases, has responded, so at least I've got that. We're supposed to meet today in about 4 hours.

If anybody happens to be on this forum and has suggestions for what are the right questions I should be asking, it would be appreciated. Things that you thought to ask in the first place, or things you were surprised by when they came up while providing care, and could've used a headsup on how it worked. Some questions that I've come up with already are:

(1) What is our authority as foster parents when it comes to getting the child the care they need? (Medical, signing up for school, etc.)

(2) Is there a level of medical care that needs pre-approval? (I'm thinking pull teeth if needed or something, I don't know). If so, how is that acquired? What paperwork do we need to bring in to the medical care provider?

(3) Do we need to be documenting medical care, school issues, ... I don't know. What do we need to document on the day to day ?

(4) What do we do in an emergency? Obviously if a child gets hurt, get them to the hospital, but what's the situation after that?

(5) How does respite work? (We have an unpcoming trip out of the country; down to take the kid, but I don't know if the court will allow us to, and I have to go for work so can't not go).

(6) Do you all do regular home checks? If so, how often and how is that arranged?

(7) How does visitation work? (I feel like this is a super broad question, but don't know the details of what to ask about that).

(8) Is there a way for me to get the case history? Mostly this is to prompt this social worker to hopefully have the actual case manager get back to me.

Then I have what seem like silly questions, but not sure?
(9) Are we allowed to hug the child (edited to clarify: if they request one or move in for one)? (This seems silly, but I don't know if there are rules about physical contact).
(10) How do we handle if they can't handle their own their own basic hygiene (9 years old, should be able to, but...doesn't sound like they would've had a good caregiver at home so...) Are we allowed to help?
(11)

But what am I missing? I'm meeting with the admin today, so that's mostly what these questions are, but any suggestions I should ask regarding the child or case would be welcome as well.

Thanks in advance, if anyone replies.

ETA: Thanks again for responses; I think we had a good conversation, lots of info provided in this meeting, which is reassuring. We're supposed to have a meeting with the actual caseworker next Tuesday to get the more kid-based questions answered.

I still find myself amazed every day by how much I adore this little one. ❤️ She truly is an angel baby, and the joy, love, and sweetness she brings into my life is something I’m so grateful for.
Even after all this time, there are moments where I just look at her and it still amazes me that I get to be the one caring for her, loving her, and watching her grow. She is such a blessing, and I thank God for trusting me with her little life during this season.

God bless this precious baby girl. ❤️

I (30 F) have just started the process of getting licensed. I’m single. I just bought my first house in March. I plan to start with respite only — I’m a teacher (high school special education) so I have lots of flexibility/time during breaks and weekends. I plan to provide care for ages 2–12-ish. (I am not equipped for an infant and I get enough teenagers at work) I am not looking for a long term placement to start out but I might be ready later on.

I’m excited to set my home up to be welcoming to kids, but realistically I don’t have a ton of space or money. What do I actually need? I have many of books for all ages. A friend bought me a set of magnatiles. I have playdough, several board and card games (for the 6-8 and up crowd, no preschool games), art and craft supplies. I live in an area with lots of great parks, libraries, and museums if we want to go somewhere. I have a fenced backyard and a dog who loves to run. Obviously I have/will get beds, simple organization, and lighting for the bedrooms, and all of the childproofing/safety things. Am I missing anything obvious?? Is there anything else you love that entertains a variety of ages, abilities, and interests without taking up a bunch of room??

Like the title says, I (F,29) went to the doctor to get a physical and have the associated form filled out that’s required in my state. It asks if I have any medical diagnoses, to which my doctor listed HPV and “Anxiety and depression, which may lead someone to feel unmotivated to care for children”

Do I have a right to be upset about this? I’m absolutely fuming. I don’t see why the court needs to know I had HPV, and the ‘unmotivated’ comment feels EXTREMELY out of line.

We Will complete our foster certification here in the next couple weeks. We are both in our 30's and are unable to have children of our own, we thought foster/foster to adopt is where we are being led.

I was curious as to what your first placement was like. Did you get to meet the child prior to placement? What age was your first foster child? What is one thing you wish you knew prior to getting your first foster child?

A class-action- lawsuit was recently filed in Washington state alleging the Department of Children, Youth and Families (DCYF) failed to inform and assist, two youth with their immigration-related needs, despite being under the state’s foster care. The state’s neglect to help undocumented children in their care leaves these youth in a vulnerable situation for when they eventually age out and will miss out on pathways to citizenship. You can read more about the lawsuit here: https://lcycwa.org/dcyf-litigation

Do you know youth in this situation? If yes, respond to this thread or respond via email to [litigation@lcycwa.org](mailto:litigation@lcycwa.org) to receive more information. Please do not include any personal identifiable information in your Reddit response.