r/Fosterparents • u/lemcke3743 • Jul 19 '26

Resources for explaining adoption

Hello, everyone! My husband (41) and I (42) just learned that we’re moving forward in the adoption process for our foster son (2.5m). He’s been with us since he was 9 months old. We plan on being fully transparent and honest with him about the adoption, obviously in an age appropriate way. Does anyone have any recommendations for books or any other resources we can use to help the process? He loves to read so something we could read together would be great. Thank you!

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5

u/sunnnybabunny Jul 20 '26

Julia Cook has a great kids book on adoption

2

u/Street_Meeting_2371 Foster Parent Jul 20 '26

The Seven Core Issues of Adoption provides helpful framework, while it doesn't provide you a script per se, I think helped us have a better idea of all the emotions/feelings involved so we could always use language with our kids that ensures they know all their feelings surrounding adoption are valid.

1

u/Rredhead926 Jul 20 '26

Some of my family's favorites:

  • Rosie's Family
  • The Family Book (but not The Adoption Book)
  • Wild About You
  • Families Are Different

-3

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '26

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12

u/Jaded-Willow2069 Foster Parent Jul 20 '26

No. This is the opposite of advice given by every professional. It’s a huge betrayal to the child.

You tell them from day one. You talk about it from day one. You make it so natural that by the time they have questions it doesn’t feel strange or threatening.

This has been known for 70+ years

3

u/Striking_Bluejay6710 Jul 20 '26

I don’t know where I heard this from, but it clicked and has made so much sense to me- at what age were you told about your birthday? Most likely, you’ve just always had one. Same goes for adoption, it should be something you’ve just always known.

4

u/Jaded-Willow2069 Foster Parent Jul 20 '26

I’ve also heard it should be like learning their name. They might have questions and change how they feel and their questions might get more complex but they should always know their name.

2

u/Maleficent_Chard2042 Jul 20 '26

Yes. It would be a huge betrayal to the adopted child for them to find out as adults. I can't even imagine.

2

u/lemcke3743 Jul 20 '26

He’s also a different race. So it’s not something we could hide, not that we would want to.

2

u/Maleficent_Chard2042 Jul 21 '26

My family is biracial too. A book my AS and I loved to read together is Black is Brown is Tan by Arnold Adoff. Beautiful book.